Hello, lovelies! Hope you're having a good day! Mine is pretty blah, waking up at 6 A.M. is a drag, but whatever. Anywho! I don't have much to say, so please, enjoy chapter 6 of "Deserving" titled "Sorrow".
Monika awoke to a dimly lit room, groggily rolling around before reluctantly opening her eyes. "W-Wh... What time is it...?" She mumbled aloud to no one in particular, rolling onto her left and squinting at the bright green numbers on her alarm clock. "5:04...? Ugh!" She groaned, rolling back onto her right. She had at LEAST an hour and a half of sleep left, she didn't want to wake up this early...
She laid there for a few more minutes, trying to force herself to sleep, but no matter how much she tried, she was awake now. And there was no use fighting it. She threw her blankets off of her and lightly stepped onto the cold floor, shivering as she made contact with it. She would wear socks to bed, to avoid this torturous inconvenience, but it made her feet too warm... Ugh, why did she have to be so picky?
She forced herself to walk across the room and into her bathroom, which was only equipped with a sink and a toilet. She had asked, no, begged her parents to install a shower into the room, but of course she got the usual blow back from her parents, stating that her sister never complained about her bathroom, and that she wasn't a lazy slob who couldn't walk to take a shower. Whatever, she was starting to become numb to anything involving her sister.
Well... She'd like to think that, even though it was an utter lie. It always hurt her, every damn time. And it hurt her because they were always right. Her sister was perfect, and Monika was so far from it, it was an utter stain to her family. Her family would be absolutely perfect, if she didn't exist. Her parents could brag about their smart and amazing daughter without mentioning the mediocre, lackluster female that happens to be of relation.
She may as well off herself while she has the chance... It would be best for everyone...
She slapped herself and shook her head, "Stop thinking Monika... You know that never leads to anything good..." She whispered, going to her bathroom to relieve herself and get ready for the day.
She walked down the stairs, slowly. Her hair brushed, her bow happily placed atop her head, and her blazer and skirt smooth and flat. She didn't like trying to look nice going to school, it made her seem like even more of a pretentious bitch then she already seemed. But, she couldn't walk out of her house looking like "common filth" can she?
Rolling her eyes, she got down to the bottom floor, and walked into the kitchen. Her parents were asleep... Maybe...
She quickly grabbed two apples, a banana, and a bottle of orange juice, running to the door and grabbing her bag, throwing it over her shoulder she opened the door ever so quietly, and gently closed it behind her as she stepped out. She put her shoes on, and walked down the walkway, and out the gate.
The morning air chilled her to the core, she hadn't been up this early in ages. She wanted to go back into her warm, comfy bed. She wanted to curl up and go to bed forever, never having to worry about stupid things like University, expectations, people...
She sighed, she didn't have to be at school for another... She looked at her phone, "An hour...? What am I going to do for an hour?" She groaned, looking back at her house, "I guess walking around in the cold is better than the alternative..." She continued walking away from her house, not really in any particular direction.
After walking for roughly 10 minutes, she groaned, clinching her fists, "Why can't..." She picked up a pebble off the sidewalk, and chucked it down at the ground, leaving a white chalky spot in the middle of the gray concrete, "Why can't anything ever go right..." She whispered shakily, wanting nothing more but to fall to the ground and cry.
But of course, she couldn't. She could never, ever, ever cry. Right? Crying is showing weakness, it's showing how broken you are inside. Can't have that, can we?
She looked around, wondering what in the world she could do. Then, it hit her.
"Hmm... Maybe Sayori is up..." She thought aloud, knowing for a fact that she was fast asleep at this time of day. But, there wasn't an issue in at least attempting to knock on her door. Better than walking around and thinking about how terrible you are.
She made her way to Sayori's house. Well, at least the direction she thought it was in... She had only been there once, and she wasn't there for any longer than twenty minutes. She dropped homework off at her house when she was at home sick a few weeks ago.
She took a few turns that seemed familiar. She sighed, looking at the pink tinted sky, "At least I get to see the pretty sky..." She mumbled, sweeping hair from her face and biting the inside of her cheek. Why was she even going to Sayori's? She knew that she was asleep, and if she wasn't? What's the point in going to someone's house right after they just woke up?
She shrugged her thoughts off and bit into one of her apples, the bittersweet, juicy fruit crunched under the pressure of her teeth, leaving juice on the sides of her mouth. She frowned as she chewed, wiping her mouth off with her sleeve. "Ack, probably shouldn't have done that..." She shook her head, finishing her apple.
As she tossed the core to the side, she turned down a familiar street and sighed in relief, "Ah! There we are," She exclaimed to herself as she lightly jogged down the sidewalk up to the two story white house. It wasn't nearly as big as her own, but, it was quite adorable and comfy looking. There are perks to living in a large house, of course, but living in a small one has it's perks as well. It makes you feel less lonely.
She walked up to the door, and put her hand up, ready to knock. But, before she pounds her knuckles against the hardwood door, she rethinks her decision. Maybe knocking when the whole house is asleep isn't... The best idea in the world. She could easily wake Sayori and her parents up, or cause a dog to bark and wake them up. Well... If they had a dog, which Monika knew they didn't...
She mentally slapped herself, and scratched her neck, looking at the door. She walked up to it, and pressed an ear to it, an attempt to hear anything rustling around in there signalling that someone was awake. One that ultimately was proven pointless, as there wasn't a peep beyond that door, or at least an audible one. She sighed and looked around, spotting a bench that sat right next to the door. She sat down on it, and grabbed her phone. "Alright... I'll just text her,"
She quickly searched through her contacts list and found Sayori, clicking on her name she shot a text saying, "Hey! This may seem a bit odd, but I'm kinda chilling outside your door! ^^; I hope you don't think I'm some creepy weirdo... I just woke up early and decided to walk to school with you. I'll see you when you wake up!"
Putting her phone away, she laughed at herself. "Gods I am an idiot..." She scratched the back of her head and sighed, "She'll probably think I'm some weirdo..."
Her head was leaned against the wall, and her eyes were closed. Just sat there in the cold morning air, alone with her thoughts...
"Monikaaaaaaa. Monika. Monika? MONIKA!"
Monika quickly jumped up frantically looking around, "Who? What? When? Where?" She said quickly, looking around. She looked rather comical as she quickly looked around her, but, she came to a halt as her eyes landed on a dark red bow which laid atop a cute fluff of coral hair.
"S-Sayori...?" She mumbled, rubbing her eyes.
"Y-Yeah... I um... Sorry for yelling... You just didn't wake up... I know you always tell me not to yell... And I just did... I am so sorry Monika..." Sayori said, shaking slightly. She looked... Absolutely dejected. Like someone just stole her birthday from her.
Monika frowned, and walked up to her, "Sayori." She said in a stern voice, causing the shorter girl to flinch. Monika stared down at her, a cold look in her eyes.
Sayori started to tear up, biting the inside of her lip, "I-I-I said I was-" She was quickly cut off by a slim pair of arms wrapping around her, and a head laying atop her own.
"You dummy... If you hadn't woken me up, I would have been late for school, and my parents would have killed me. Thank you, Sayori." Monika said, and let go, wiping the corners of Sayori's eyes, noticing the light shade of pink on her face, raising an eyebrow.
"O-Oh..." Sayori replied, seemingly trying to process what just happened. She puffed out her cheeks and crossed her arms, turning her head away, "You are a meanie! Making me feel all sad and stuff! Why would I want to walk with a bully like you?" She said defiantly.
Monika wavered a bit, but smirked, knowing the best possible way to be forgiven. "Easy. I have a banana and an apple, and you don't." She giggled, holding the banana in her hand, shaking it to the side.
Sayori's eyes lit up, "Ooh! Yummy yummy banana! Yummy yummy apple! Gimmie!" She exclaimed, reaching for it.
Monika smiled, and held it away, "Ah ah ah, first you have to apologize for calling me a meanie and a bully."
Sayori pouted and turned her head to the side, "Fine. I guess I will starve." Sayori started walking ahead a bit faster, forcing Monika to chase after her.
"Fine! I'll give you the food," Monika said, defeated, which made Sayori stop and giggle.
She took the the fruit and smiled up at Monika, "Thank you," She said, "And sorry for calling you a meanie and a bully, you are so not a meanie and a bully."
Monika smiled back and ruffled her hair affectionately, "I'm glad you don't think so!" She chimed, sighing as the continued walking in a comfortable silence, well, if you don't count the crunching from Sayori. The girl really could eat a thing or two...
As they walked, Sayori looked up to Monika, "Hey uh... Is this going to be er... Well um..." Sayori looked as if she didn't know what to say, which, confused Monika. Usually this girl could babble on for days on end, which, wasn't a bad thing in Monika's opinion. Some people find that kind of person annoying, but, what's more preferable? Awkwardness and silence? Or someone who can't stop talking and always tries to be engaged?
"Uh, Monika?" Monika snapped out of her thoughtful daze and looked over at the slightly shorter girl.
"Sorry! I was spacing out, what is it you were going to say, Yo-Yo?"
Sayori's cheeks tinted a light shade of pink at the mention of her nickname, but shook it off and looked forward, "I was um... Going to ask you if this was a er... One time thing or not..." She said quietly, looking off to the side.
"O-Oh..." Monika was taken aback by the question. Was this going to be a routine thing? Or was this just the one time? On one hand she could spend time with Sayori, on the other she had to wake up super early so she could avoid her parents...
"I'm sorry! That was a dumb question, sorry. I knew I shouldn't have asked," Sayori said quickly, waving her hands, which, was quite comedic due to the flailing banana peel in one of her hands.
Monika closed her eyes and breathed in the crisp morning air. Ah to hell with it. "Don't be silly, that is a perfectly valid question!" She said cheerfully, "I would love to make this a more routine thing, if you wouldn't be opposed, of course."
Sayori's dark blue eyes lit up, and she cheered, pumping her hand in the air, this one being the holder of the apple core. "Yay! I'm so glad! I haven't been able to walk to school with someone for years!" She abruptly stopped and hugged Monika's side.
"Jeez... Someone is huggy today..." Monika joked, lightly hugging back and patting her back.
"You said I could hug you whenever! Like I'm not going to take advantage of that!" She giggled and let go, and they went back to walking.
They made their way to the school in silence, comfortable, sweet, silence. Monika adored this time, walking together with someone whom she considers a real friend? Someone who actually considers her as a real friend?
Bliss. That's what this is.
They made it to the school and Monika sighed, "That was a pleasant walk, wasn't it?" Monika said as they walked through the doors.
Sayori nodded, "Mhm! Especially since I got food! Hehe~" Sayori laughed, making Monika sigh and grin.
She lightly jabbed her side with her elbow, "You're such a dork. I'll see you this afternoon! Okay?"
"Oh, are we not eating lunch together...?" Sayori asked, seeming a little sad with that statement.
"Oh! Um... No... I have to eat in class today, I have to work on my missing work and eat at the same time... Trust me as I say I would choose eating with you a million times over, but, I need to do a paper for English."
"Ugh... I hate English. It's so complicated! Japanese class is 10x easier..." Sayori huffed.
"Well, that's obvious, considering Japanese is your main language, silly," Monika giggled, patting the girls coral hair.
"O-Oh yeah that... Makes sense..." She blushed, most likely from embarrassment, but Monika liked to think it was because of the head pat.
"Well! Don't wanna be late! I'll see you later Yo-Yo!" Monika said and quickly scurried off to her class, leaving a waving Sayori behind.
...
Monika was thoroughly on edge. She wanted to bash her head into a wall, then proceed to throw a desk into the wall over and over again.
She was seething, her English teacher was NOT being fair. How did that stuck up, prissy woman expect her to write a paper and email it to her by 11:59 tonight? She JUST started on it, she hadn't even been able to make the introduction... To the rough draft.
It seems even her teachers despised her. What's new? Just another expectation to meet with utter disappointment that her sister could have done while working at a soup kitchen, discovering a cure for cancer, and taking care of orphans, all at the same time.
She rolled her eyes, sure she was exaggerating, but the way her parents made Minori sound, one would think she was the reincarnate of Jesus Christ himself. She hated thinking of her sister negatively, she loved her sister to bits. But, she couldn't handle her parents worshiping the ground she walks on.
Her parents... She sighed again, remembering the lengthy text her mother had sent her around noon, asking where she was in the morning, telling her how much of a lazy slob she was last night, how she did nothing of what they said, about how in trouble she was in when they talked next.
At this point she was so livid with her teacher and already holding a grudge against her parents at the moment, she sent back a response she kind of regretted, but felt so good about.
"Maybe if you were home once and awhile I wouldn't be such a piece of shit."
After that text she turned her phone off and refused to look at it the rest of the day. She just wanted to go to the club, relax, and be happy for the one hour a day she is allowed to be.
She walked through the door and much to her surprise, it was empty. "Wow, guess I'm early..." She mumbled and dropped her stuff next to the teachers desk, rubbing her temple as she looked around. "How am I going to convince Natsuki and Yuri..." She muttered under her breath.
Sayori was already on board with the plan for the festival, but, she knew Yuri and Natsuki would be very apprehensive. And knowing Natsuki, she'd make sure Monika knew.
What a drag.
Soon, Yuri came in, followed by Sayori and Natsuki. "Ah! I see you all came in rather coordinated! That is perfect!" She smiled at her club members, her real friends...
"Oh, yes. I guess we did," Yuri said in her soft voice, turning to the other two and giving a light smile.
"Me and Sayori are in the same class at the end of the day and we were chose to clean up, so that's why we were here together," Natsuki explained, shrugging.
"Sayori and I, Natsuki," Yuri corrected, lightly.
"Erk-" Natsuki's face flared.
'Oh gods not again...' Monika thought as Natsuki looked at Yuri, her face red, presumably with anger.
"... Thanks..." Natsuki said quietly, turning on her heel and walking off to the back of the classroom.
To say Monika and Sayori were floored would be an the understatement of the century. They were utterly shocked that that did not turn into a full blown argument.
"Uh... Yuri?" Monika eventually croaked, cocking her head to the side, "Do you uh... Mind explaining why World War Three isn't starting in this classroom?"
"Oh! I uh, suppose that expected results were far more negative than they were," Yuri played with her sleeve, looking to the side, "Natsuki has been having issues in Japanese class, so, I have been tutoring her when I can. Of course, we are both often busy with the club at the end of the day, so, as a part of that tutoring we have agreed that I correct her when she has grammatical errors in her speech. Overtime, her speech will translate to her writing," Yuri explained, leaving Monika both speechless and impressed.
"Yuri," Monika walked up to her and asked her to come closer. Yuri, confused, complied, Monika leaned a little close to her ear, "You wouldn't have anything to do with why a certain pink haired girl called me and apologize, would you?" She whispered and pulled away, leaving Yuri as a red mess.
"H-H-How... S-S-She wanted to d-do it b-b-before I-I told her t-to I-I promise..." Yuri sputtered, trying her best to cover for her friend.
Monika giggled behind her hand, and waived at Yuri dismissively, "Don't be silly, okay? I appreciate it. I know she was sorry for real, but I know something was up when she actually apologized," Monika giggled behind her hand. "You two have become more friendly, haven't you?"
Yuri's face was still red, but it was only a light shade at this point as she looked back, almost dreamily, "Ah... Yes. We still bicker every once and awhile, but we have started to speak with each other more, and I guess we just found out that we have more in common then what was previously assumed."
"Hehe~ I'm glad. I want all my club members to get along!" Monika clapped, looking over at Sayori who was smiling wide as well.
"Yay! I'm glad you and Natsuki have been getting along! It makes me so happy!" Sayori cheered, making Yuri blush and attempt to quiet her down, so Natsuki didn't pick up on the conversation.
Monika sighed contently. Everything was finally coming together, this club was becoming one cohesive, wholesome place. She hadn't felt so at ease in such a long time...
"Okay guys!" She exclaimed, loud enough for Natsuki to hear in the back, "You guys do remember what this meeting is centered around, right?" Monika asked once Natsuki reluctantly joined them at the front.
"Ooh! I do I do I do!" Sayori exclaimed, raising her hand.
Monika giggled and shook her head, "Of course you do, what is it?" She smiled, she loved seeing Sayori like that. It made her feel all types of warm and fuzzy...
"We are going to talk about what we are doing for the festival, right?"
"Yup!" Monika replied, and looked at the other two, who were staring at her quizzically, "We are going to be presenting poems aloud to whomever has the pleasure of joining us!" Monika exclaimed, receiving instant looks of shock from Natsuki and Yuri.
"W-What...? I-I..." Yuri stumbled, her face red and her eyes wide.
"WHAT?! I did NOT sign up for this, excuse you!" Natsuki stood up, "Why didn't you discuss this with us?"
"Natsuki..." Monika sighed, "What do you think I'm doing...?" As she said that, Natsuki opened her mouth, but quickly closed it and plopped back down in her seat.
"Whatever..." She mumbled, causing Monika to sigh in relief.
"Now, guys..." She says as everyone is sedated for now, "We will be writing a poem, and we will be presenting them in front of a crowd," She said and inhaled, "I really really think that this will make people genuinely interested in the club and I would really appreciate it if you guys did it because I really want this club to grow!" Monika said quickly, trying to get all the words she could before Natsuki could interrupt.
Natsuki's mouth was a tight line, she looked at Monika, then to Yuri, who was seemingly doing breathing exercises.
"Please, Natsuki? Yuri? I have faith in you two!" She turned to Yuri, "Yuri, I know how you get when you start talking about things you love, that passion! That confidence! Don't you want to share that with people? Don't you want like-minded people to join the club, so you can actually talk about those things that you love?" She asked, receiving a quick look and a nod from the purple haired girl.
"And Natsuki!" She said, turning to the the pissed off pinkette, "You love manga! I know people make fun of that, but, there are definitely people who share that love for manga! You could actually discuss popular series, and find out about some you've never heard of! Doesn't that excite you?" Monika exclaimed. She was trying, gods she was trying so hard.
"I don't know Monika... What if-"
"Please, Natsuki? I want this club to grow so bad, I want people in this club that make you all feel safe and happy!" Monika pleaded, disguising her desperation with confidence.
"Ugh! Fine, whatever." Natsuki said and rolled her eyes, "I don't want to, but... If it's for the club..."
"I agree with Natsuki... I guess..." Yuri said quietly, looking away and playing with her hair.
"Yay! I just knew you guys would agree!" Sayori exclaimed after staying quiet through the whole ordeal. "I'm so glad! You guys will do great!"
"See? Sayori is excited! Why can't you guys be?" Monika asked, and Natsuki scoffed.
"Monika, me and y-" She looked at Yuri, "Erm... You and I both know that getting Sayori excited is like, the literal easiest thing ever."
Sayori laughs awkwardly, Monika rubs her shoulder and smile, "I know, and it's adorable!" Monika smirked as Sayori's face turned red from the compliment.
"Anywho!" Monika clapped her hands together, "So, for practice, we are going to do a mock presentation. So, to do that, tomorrow's poems will not be shared individually, we will share openly in front of the class to everyone. It gives you some time to prepare, which I imagine you would appreciate," She said and Natsuki scoffed again.
"Whatever, I don't care. Can we just have our open read and write day now?" Natsuki said in a cold tone.
Monika frowned and sighed, "Sure... We'll discuss the festival more after our presentations."
Natsuki and Yuri quickly got up and went to their respective activities.
Monika laid her head on the desk and sighed. She felt a warm hand on her back, and she looked up. "That went a little better than I thought it would!" Sayori smiled above her.
Monika smiled back, gods that smile was infectious."Yeah, I guess so..." Monika sighed and stood up, "I need to do homework, and I'm assuming you do too?" Monika looked at Sayori who had a nervous smile on her face.
"Y-Yeah... I am kinda backed up on math..."
"Sayori... I thought we talked about turning your assignments in on time..." Monika scolded lightly, not wanting to be mean, but still wanting to get her point across.
"I know I know! I'm sorry! I just... Have been really tired lately..." Sayori said, and looked down.
"I... It's fine Yo-Yo. Just get it done, okay?" She put a hand on her shoulder, which made Sayori smile brightly again.
"Of course!" She said and went to a desk, pulling her binder out.
"Guess it's time for hell to break loose..." She mumbled as she sat down, opening the gates of hell, also known as her binder.
...
Monika dropped her pen as she looked down at the paper in front of her, "I'm going to fucking rip my hair out I swear to every God there is..." She mumbled under her breath. She had just barely finished her rough draft for English before it was time to leave. Stuffing her binder and papers away in her bag, she stood up and coughed into her hand. "Alright guys, club is dismissed! Remember, presentations tomorrow!"
"Yeah yeah we know, thanks for the reminder as to why I don't want to come tomorrow," Natsuki grumbled.
"Natsuki! Be nice!" Sayori scolded, which made Natsuki only roll her eyes as she left.
"I-I will be prepared tomorrow, Monika... I hope..." Yuri stuttered, "Have a lovely evening..."
She soon followed Natsuki out the door, leaving only Monika and Sayori in the room.
"Hey Moni?" Sayori said, coming up to the desk, "Do you wanna walk home with me? I-If it's not too far out of your way..." Sayori asked nervously, putting her hands behind her back.
Sayori's house was way out of her way, to be quite honest. But, it was better than going home and seeing whatever condescending note her parents left her, and finally turning her phone back on and reading whatever her mother had to say back.
"Nope! Not out of my way at all! C'mon, let's go!" Monika said and picked her bag up, slinging it over her shoulder.
The two girls walked out of the clubroom and down to the courtyard, before slowing walking out to the sidewalk and making their way to Sayori's house.
Once again, they were silent, just enjoying the others company while they walked in the cool Autumn evening.
They had walked a little ways before Sayori looked over to Monika, and bit her lip, "Uh... Hey Monika, I can trust you, right?" She asked, looking up at the slightly taller girl.
Monika was confused at the sudden question, but, shrugged and nodded, "Of course, silly! You are one of my best friends after all!"
"W-Wait... I am?" Sayori looked surprised that Monika would use the word "best friend" to describe her.
"Pft, of course. You're like, one the most awesomest people I have ever met! Why wouldn't I consider you one of my besties! You dobe," Monika giggled, ruffling the hair of the blushing Sayori.
"W-Well... I-I think you're one of my besties too..." Sayori smiled slightly, "S-So erm... I can trust you with this super duper secret info, right?" Sayori asked, starting to get serious as a joke.
Monika, playing along, stopped and put her hand on Sayori's shoulders, looking at her with an intense look, "I will protect this information with my life. I will fend off any enemy agents who dare try and intercept this message."
Sayori laughed and shook her head, "You're so silly..."
"Ah ah ah, we're silly!" Monika replied.
"Sure sure... But uh, well, this morning you came by super early and sat outside my house in the cold. I just... If you come by that early again, there is a key under the cushion of the bench on the porch. You are welcome to come in!" Sayori said, biting her lip.
Monika was taken aback, "Wow... That's... You're so sweet..." Monika quickly wrapped the girl up in a hug, "I'm not going to steal from you, I promise," She said as she broke the hug.
"I know, I just... Am really not supposed to tell people about that key... But hey! Best friends get exceptions!" Sayori said and they both giggled.
They walked a little more, until they reached Sayori's home. "Welp! This is it!" Sayori said, and sighed, "I can't wait for tomorrow! It's Friday, AND we get to present our poems! I am going to make the best poem ever tomorrow, just you wait!"
"I have full faith in you!" Monika replied, "Bye Yo-Yo!" She said as Sayori opened her door.
"Bye Monika!"
And with the closing of that door, Monika was alone. She sighed and looked down.
"Looks like my happy time is over..." She adjusted her blazer and made her way back home. The last place she wanted to go.
She just wanted to talk to Sayori and be with her, is that so bad?
Monika stopped in her tracks, she started shaking, "Oh Monika you idiot..." She whispered, realizing what she had felt all this time.
"You let yourself fall for a girl..." She laughed to herself, burying her face in her cold hands, "You let yourself fall for a fucking girl..." She repeated, this time in a darker tone.
"I'm in love with Sayori." She said aloud and looked to the sky, wanting nothing more than to be whisked away by the wind.
"Oh I bet my parents will love this, not only am I useless, I am fucking gay now..." She laughed darkly.
"You fucking idiot, Monika."
Hey guys! Glad you read through! I believe this is my longest chapter yet, and I think it was a little boring but... I think the end made up for it, don't you? I don't like beating around the bush and denial, I think it's 10x better when characters accept their emotions you know? Anyways! As usual, thank you so much for reading, if you have anything you would like me to know, please leave a review, or DM me! Have a lovely day or night!