It's storming heavily outside Bobby's. Dean is sitting at the table with the laptop open. He pours the last drops of liquor into a glass. Sam walks in carrying a stack of books. He turns to Dean. "Where's Bobby?"
Dean looks disgusted at the empty bottle and then looks up at Sam. "In town, supply run."
Sam gestures to the window. "In this?"
Dean nods. "Yeah, man's a hero. We were officially out of hunter's helper." Dean gestures at his empty liquor bottle
"What a travesty." Jamie walks in. She has a defined baby bump under her t-shirt.
"Isn't that my shirt?" Dean asks. Jamie looks down and then looks up at Dean. He grins.
"Probably. I needed dry clothes and most of my clothes don't fit anymore, so." She shrugs.
"Jamie. Hey." Sam says, walking over to her.
Jamie looks at Dean. "Does he have his soul back?" She points at Sam.
Dean nods. "Yes."
"Oh good." Jamie whirls around and punches Sam in the face. "That's for letting Dean get turned." She punches him in the face with her other hand. "And that's for trying to kill Bobby."
"Ow." Sam holds his face in his hands.
"Well now that's settled." Dean mutters.
Sam wipes blood from his nose. "When did you get here?"
Jamie looks up and then glances around for a clock. "Not too long ago."
Dean leans back in his chair. "How long did you drive?"
Jamie rolls her eyes. "Dean, I live here, remember? Bobby doesn't send me on hunts further than 3 hours away."
Lightening flashes. Jamie turns around to find Balthazar standing in the doorway to the kitchen. "Hello, boys. Jamie." He walks across the room. "You've seen "the Godfather," right?"
"Balthazar..." Dean gets out of his chair.
"What are you doing here?" Jamie asks.
"You know, the end, where Michael Corleone sends his men to kill his enemies in one big, bloody swoop?" Balthazar finds a container of salt and pours it into a bowl on Bobby's desk.
"Hey!"
Balthazar looks down at the bottle in his hands. "Dead sea brine." good, good, good. You know, Moe Greene gets it in the eye, and Don Cuneo gets it in the revolving door?"
"I said "hey."
Balthzar looks at him. "You did. Twice. Good for you." He pats Dean's shoulder. "Blood of lamb. Blood of lamb."
Jamie points. "Fridge." Dean and Sam look at her. She waves them down.
Balthazar disappears and reappears looking through Bobby's fridge contents. "Beer, cold pizza. Blood of lamb. Yes! Blood of lamb!'
Jamie turns to him. "Salt, blood of lamb…"
"Why are you talking about "the Godfather"? Sam asks.
The angel disappears and reappears beside them. "Because we're in it - right now, tonight. And in the role of Michael Corleone - The archangel Raphael." He pours the blood into the bowl.
Jamie, Dean, and Sam look at each other. "You mind telling us what you mean?" Dean demands.
"No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no." He empties the contents of Bobby's desk drawer. "Yes. Bone of a lesser saint. This vertebra will do very nicely. Your Mr. Singer does keep a beautiful pantry."
Jamie looks confused. "Why are you mixing a protection ritual?"
Balthazar looks at her as he crushes the bone into the bowl. "This is much more than a protection ritual, my dear hopefully mother to be."
"Wait, Raphael is after you?" Dean asks.
"Raphael is after us all. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move."
Jamie turns to the window. "The storm."
"What?" Dean asks.
Jamie glances over her shoulder. "Raphael is lord of air. The storm is his doing, so he and his minions can move freely."
Balthazar grins. "Very good Jamie."
"Thanks."
"Okay, where's Cas?" Sam asks.
Balthazar walks over to the window, mixing the contents of the bowl. "Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last samaritan who helped our dear Cas - Including the three of you. And so much more importantly, me." He coughs. "See, he wants to draw Cas out in the open." He starts painting a symbol on the window.
Sam looks at him. "And you expect us to just believe you?"
"Oh, don't. You'll go where I throw you either way."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asks.
Jamie turns to her brothers. "You don't want to know. Balthazar you're not gonna…" Lightning flashes and the electricity crackles. Jamie looks up. "Raphael."
"Fraid so, love. That's all the time we have." Balthazar opens his jacket revealing a bloodstain on his side. "Where is it?" The siblings see the blood.
"Balthazar." Jamie takes a step towards him.
"Whoa. What happened there?"
"Oh. Garish, I know. You see, uncle Raffy sent one of his nastiest to handle me. I'm flattered, actually. And down a lung at the moment, but that's all right." He hands Sam keys. "Oh, here's for you."
"What am I supposed to do with this?"
"Run with it." Balthazar is thrown across the room as an angel, Virgil appears.
Jamie recognizes him. "Virgil. Guys, come on!" She pushes Dean and Sam towards the window.
"I said, run!" Balthazar holds up his hand and sends them through the window which is marked with a blood sigil.
Sam, Jamie, and Dean crash through Bobby's window and land on a mattress on a tv show set. Several people are standing around them. They get to their feet startled.
"Cut!" Bob Singer, the director says.
"Real good solid fall. Way to go." Someone else says, slapping Dean on the ass. Dean looks disturbed.
"Jared, Jensen, Eliza! Outstanding! That was just great."
"Supernatural,"scene one echo, take one. Tail slate. Marker!"
Dean, Sam, and Jamie look through the window they thought they had just crashed through. Sam turns to his brother and sister. "So...No angels?"
"No angels, I think." Dean replies.
Jamie nods. "Definitely no angels."
"Should we be killing anybody?"
Dean looks around. "I don't think so."
Jamie freezes. She realizes something. "Guys…no psychic powers." Her eyes widen.
Dean and Sam look at her, identical looks on their faces. "No psychic powers?" Dean asks.
Jamie shakes her head vigoriously. "Look." She gestures to the broken glass. Nothing happens. "I don't hear anything either. I...I got nothing."
"Uh…Running?" Sam asks.
"Where?" Dean asks.
Jamie is holding her head. "Ugh. I hate being normal." She drops her hands to her stomach. Sam picks up a piece of the 'window' which wobbles back and forth, clearly made of some kind of gel. "Guys." Jamie's eyes widen again. "I don't…I don't feel right."
Sam and Dean look at each other and then Dean grabs at her shirt and pulls it up. They stare at her stomach. She's wearing a prostatic. "You're not pregnant." Sam says bluntly.
"Bastards!" Dean says.
Jamie holds her 'fake' stomach. "Oh my god."
"Moving on! That's a wrap on Jared, Jensen, and Eliza!" They hear someone knew say.
Sam looks around and then looks at his siblings. "W-who the hell are –"
Jamie stares at him. "I…I think…"
"Jared! Three minutes, okay? Great." A woman takes Sam by the hand and leads him away.
"Where are we going?" Dean calls, following them.
The makeup artist goes over to Dean. "Jensen, there you are! Let's just get you in the chair."
"Chair"? She leads Dean over to a chair and mirror. The mirror is covered with pictures of Sam and Dean.
"Okay, hon, we're just gonna get this makeup off your face."
He grabs her hands. "Wha-I'm not wearing any ma—"Dean looks at the cloth the makeup artist has just wiped over his face to find it covered in foundation. He looks in the mirror and puts a hand on his face. "Oh, crap! I'm a painted whore!"
Jamie stares in Dean's direction. A fashion designer walks up to her. "Eliza. Hey. You can take this smelly thing off now." He takes the prosthetic belly off Jamie. She stares at her flat stomach. "There ya go, hon. I've got your clothes waiting in the trailer if you want to change."
"Trish Evian here with Jared Padalecki from tv's "Supernatural." So, Jared, season six." Sam is looking over his shoulder into the set of the panic room and turns back in confusion.
"What?"
"You beat the devil, lost your soul, and got it back again. So tell us, what's next for Sam Winchester?"
"Look, I-I-I really don't –"
"Oh, and if you could include the question in your answer? Thanks."
Sam laughs nervously.
Dean walks around someone handing out candy. Jamie walks over to him, now wearing a tank top and her leather jacket. They look at each other for a few moments and then go to where Sam is. "Hey."
"Dude, they put freakin' makeup on us! Those bastards!"
Jamie frowns. "I want to know what happened to my baby."
Sam sighs and looks at them. "Look, I think I know what this is."
"Okay. What?" Dean asks.
"It's a tv show."
"Yeah, you think." Jamie says.
"Yeah. I mean, here -wherever "here" is, this - this twilight zone Balthazar zapped us into. For whatever reason, our life is a tv show."
Dean looks confused. "Why?"
"I don't know."
"No, seriously. Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?"
Jamie shrugs. "Sick entertainment?"
"Well, I mean, according to that interviewer, not very many people do. Look, I'm not saying it makes sense. I'm just saying, we - we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, Jamie is Eliza Dushku, and I'm something called a "Jared Padalecki."
They start walking off the set. "So what, now you're polish?" Dean turns to Jamie. "Is any of this making any sense to you?"
She shakes her head. "No. I'm still trying to grasp the fact that I'm normal."
"And not pregnant." Sam adds.
"Thanks for that." She says to her twin. They exit the studio and see the Impala.
"Oh, hey. Least my baby made it."
"Lucky you."
Sam puts his arm around his sister. "We'll figure out what happened to your baby, Jamie. I promise. Speaking of, maybe now would be the time to tell us who-"
Jamie looks up at him. "Like I told Crowley, Dean is his father."
Sam looks at Dean. "And you're okay with her saying this?"
Dean shrugs. "Obviously his real father's out of the picture, I don't mind being second string. Someone has to be." A crewmember starts flinging mud onto the windshield of the Impala. "Hey. Hey! What – "Dean sees 5 more Impalas, including one that's trashed. He turns pale and grabs his stomach. "I feel sick. I'm gonna be sick." They walk off in another direction. "I want to go home. I feel like this whole place is bad-touching me."
"Yeah, I know. Me too." Sam agrees.
"Me three. So, time to pray to Cas?"
Dean sighs. "He's our best shot, if he's still alive." Dean holds his hands out and closes his eyes. "Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from heaven, we pray that you have your ears on. So... Breaker breaker..."
Jamie looks up. "Castiel in the name of heaven…" They spot Castiel a short distance away.
"Cas? Cas! Hey, Cas! Oh, thank god." They all walk up to him. "What is all this, huh? W-w-what did Balthazar do to us?"
Castiel stares at them. "To keep you out of Virgil's reach, he's cast you into an alternate reality, a universe similar to ours in most respects yet dramatically different in others."
Jamie turns away. "Oh this is so screwed up."
Dean looks at her and then at Cas. "Like - like bizarro earth, right? Except instead of having Bizarro superman, we get this clown factory."
"Um...Yeah, well...Anyway, no time to explain. Do you have the key?"
"Yeah." Sam hands him the key. "So, uh, what does this thing do, anyway?"
"It opens a room."
"What's in the room?" Dean asks.
"Every weapon Balthazar stole from heaven."
Jamie turns back to them. "Really? Wait…I should have known that. I didn't know that!"
Sam looks at her. "Calm down."
Dean turns back to Cas. "He gave it to us?"
"To keep it safe until I could reach you. With those weapons, I have a chance to rally my forces."
Sam sighs and nods. "Oh. Okay, good. Yeah. So, now, uh, what's the deal with all this tv crap?"
"Pardon?"
Jamie puts her hand on Cas's chest. "You gotta do something Cas because I don't have any of my powers, and I'm not pregnant." She gestures to her stomach. "We gotta find out what turned off my psychic thing, and what happened to my baby and fast."
Sam nods. "Yeah, because if it was Raphael and she can't see him coming, we're screwed. We're sitting ducks."
"Yeah. Amen, Padaleski." Dean adds.
"Uh, "lecki."
"What?"
"Lecki. Pretty sure."
Jamie shrugs. "At least you're polish. I'm Albanian."
"Man." Cas pulls out his script, revealing he isn't their Cas, he's Misha. "Did they put out new pages?"
"New what?" Dean asks.
Sam is going on about the reality. "I mean, is this some kind of cosmic joke?"
"Yeah, 'cause if it is, it's stupid, and we don't get it." Dean says.
"Yeah."
Jamie is staring at the script in Misha's hands. "Oh God. Not you too."
"What?" Dean asks.
"Are you guys okay?"
Dean grabs the script from Misha. "Give me that. What is - these are words in a script."
Jamie steps back. "This isn't Cas. Or least not…our Cas." She looks at Dean and Sam.
"Dude, look at him." Sam says.
Misha unbuttons his shirt to reveal a patterned new age t-shirt underneath. "You guys want to run lines, or...?"
Dean is still staring at the script. "His name's Misha. Misha?"
Jamie runs her hand over her face. "God."
"Oh, wow. Just...Great."
Dean, Jamie, and Sam start walking away. "Misha? Jensen? Eliza? What's up with the names around here?"
"You guys! You really punked me!" Dean and Jamie glance back at Misha who throws the script at Dean. "I'm totally gonna tweet this one." He pulls out his phone and starts typing. "Hola, mishamigos. "J-squared an El... Got me good."
Jamie turns around. "J-squared? El?" She turns back to her brothers.
"I just want to dig my finger in my brain and scratch until we're back in Kansas." Dean says.
"Really...Starting to feel... Like one of the guys."
(Dean Jamie and Sam walk by a giant trailer)
"Hey. "J. Ackles." Sam says, pointing.
"That's fake me!"
"Yeah."
Jamie turns to him. "Ya think?"
"This must be fake mine." They enter the trailer. Dean sees a toy helicopter. "Dude, I have a helicopter!"
Sam is staring at the fishtank behind them. "Oh. All right, who puts a 300-gallon aquarium in their trailer?"
"Apparently, Jensen Ackles."
Jamie looks around. "This is the part where I'm supposed to get a headache or a bad feeling."
"Huh." Sam spots a laptop. "All right, here we go. Let's see who this guy is." He types Jensen Ackles into the search engine and Supernatural promo photos pop up. Jamie looks over Sam's shoulder and her jaw drops.
Dean turns to them. "Well, he's not a hunter, but he plays one on tv." He gestures to the large tv at the back of the trailer that's playing the season 4 gag reel. "Oh." He picks up a magazine with Jared and Jensen on the cover. "Come on. Look at these male-modelin' sons of bitches. Nice "blue steel,"Sam."
"Where's my cover?" Jamie asks.
Dean shrugs. "Guess you're not important enough."
"Thanks Dean."
Sam gets their attention. "Hey. Apparently, it's our job. All right, uh, here goes. Um...It says you're from Texas."
"Really?"
"Yeah. And, uh...Oh. Says you were on a soap opera."
"What?"
They watch a clip of Jensen on Days of our Lives. "If I didn't have cancer, and I wasn't married, and I had plenty of money... Would you - would you want to run away with me?"
"Money? What, you think I really care about money, Nicole? I care that you're healthy."
"Well, I'm no quitter, Eric.I-I –"
Dean slams the laptop shut. "Don't like this universe, Sammy. We need to get out of this universe."
Jamie looks at them. "I'm gonna be sick." She pause. "Only not really. God, I hate this."
Sam looks at her and then Dean. "Yeah. No argument here. But I don't think our - our prayers are reaching Cas."
"The real Cas." Jamie corrects.
"Well, I agree. I think we are definitely out of, uh, soul-phone range. But..."
"What?"
Dean looks at them. "If we can reverse Balthazar's spell... I watched every move." He sketches out the sigil. "We just, uh, get the ingredients, right, get back to that same window, and...There's no place like home."
Jamie nods. "Might actually work. I hope."
The siblings are back on the Supernatural set. "Backbone of a lesser saint." Sam pulls the bone out of Bobby's drawer. "Got it. Uh.." He pokes at the bone and realizes it is fake. "It's rubber."
"You're kidding." Jamie grabs Sam's hand. "Dude!" Sam drops it on the desk. Jamie shakes her head.
"Check this out." Dean holds up a prop dagger and bends the blade back and forwards. "Hey, look. It's fake." He jabs the fake dagger at Sam's chest. "It's all fake!" He jabs it into his own chest and into his arm.
Jamie sits down. "God this sucks! I'm gonna cry. I'm just gonna cry." She puts her head in her hands.
Dean and Sam look at her. "Well at least you're still acting pregnant." Dean says. Jamie looks up glares at them.
They're off the set. Sam looks at his brother and sister. "Course everything is fake. We're on a film set."They approach one of the Impalas. "We got to get back to the real world."
Jamie nods. "Find the actual backbone of a lesser saint, and real lamb's blood, real rock salt."
"Yeah, now you're talking." They get in the Impala and Dean start driving. "All right, we go round up the genuine articles, bring 'em here for the spell." The engine on the Impala sputters. "What the hell is going on? What is wrong with this thing?" Dean asks, looking down.
There's a crewmember running alongside Impala, knocking on the window. "Mr. Ackles! Mr. Ackles, please!"
Sam rolls his eyes and sighs. "Uh, Dean?"
"God, Mr. Ackles, please!"
"Dean, it's not the Impala." Sam says grimly.
Jamie puts her head back and groans. "Of course not."
"Please! Stop."
Dean sighs. "You think?"
"Please!"
"It's a frigging prop! Just like everything else." Dean says, resigned.
Jamie rubs her eyes. "Yeah, not gonna get us very far. "
Dean stops and they exit the Impala.
"Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for..."
Jamie whirls around. "Hey! Shut up."
"How the hell are we supposed to get out of here?" Dean asks.
Dean, Sam, and Jamie are in a car with Clif. "You know whereabouts you want me to drop you off? Jensen?"
Dean looks surprised. "Me? Yes. Um...I - I'll just tag along with, uh..."
"Jared." Sam supplies.
"Jared...Jared here. And..Eliza?"
Jamie nods. "Eliza."
"Huh. Since when are you guys talking?"
Sam tries to think of what to say. "Yeah, uh, y-you know what, Clint, uh..."
"Uh, uh, Clif."
"Y-yeah. Yeah, of course. Clif. Obviously. Um, so, uh, I think we're gonna go back to my place a-and do some...work."
"Work on our acting." Dean quickly adds.
"Yeah."
Jamie tries to smile. "God knows they need it."
"For our characters. For the show." Dean continues.
Sam nods again. "Yeah."
Jamie nods. "Exactly."
"All right."
Dean looks around at the highway. "Where the hell are we, anyway?"
"De-uh Jensen."
Dean sees the 'Welcome to Vancouver' sign Jamie is pointing to. "Dude, we're not even in America."
Sam, Jamie, and Dean enter the Padalecki mansion. Dean looks around. "Nice modest digs, Jay-z."
Sam is also looking around. "Wow. I must be the star of this thing."
Jamie puts her hand on his chest. "Don't get full of yourself."
"Yeah, right. Check it out." Dean nods towards a tanning bed.
Sam looks at it. "What am I, Dracula?"
"George Hamilton Dracula."
"Ew." Jamie snickers.
Dean spots a liquor cabinet. "Oh. Now we're talking." He's peering out the glass doors. "Dude, you have a camel in your backyard."
"It's an alpaca, dumbass." The siblings turn to see Ruby standing at the top of the stairs.
"Ruby?" Dean asks.
"Ruby." right. That one never gets old." She turns to Sam. "How was work today, hon?" She kisses him.
Jamie and Dean stand there unsure. "Uh…"
Dean turns to Sam. "Wait. You and Ruby?"
"Do you honestly think that's funny, Jensen?" Ruby, whose real name is Gen, asks.
"Right. Right. 'cause you're not Ruby. You...I mean, how could you be? You...Of course! You are the lovely actress who plays Ruby. And you are, uh, in...Jared's house, Uh, because you two are..." Jamie spots a photo on the mantle of Jared and Genevieve's wedding. She slaps Dean on the shoulder and nods to it. "...Married! You married fake Ruby?" He looks at Sam.
Jamie smacks her face with her hand. "Smooth, dude. Very smooth."
"What are you doing?" Gen asks, looking at Sam.
"Work. Work." Sam answers.
Dean nods. "Yeah, just, uh, thought I'd pop in, say "hey." Hey. Uh, and - and -and maybe run some lines. It's... "
"You've never even been to our house. You either Eliza."
"Well, now that I know there's an alpaca out back, I'm definitely coming back."
Jamie nods. "Yeah. Yeah of course."
"Well, alpacas are the greenest animal."
Dean nods towards her. "Right. Right. That is so important."
"Well, there's that thing I have to get to."
"Oh, yeah. Of course, yeah. The thing."
"The international otter adoption charity dinner?"
"Oh."
"Okay, well..." Gen kisses Sam. "Well, I'm glad you three are talking, anyway."
"Yeah."
The siblings watch Genevieve leave the room. Dean and Sam check out her ass. Jamie rolls her eyes. "Boys!"
Dean turns around. "Uh, sorry. Jamie. Uh." He looks at Sam. "Well, looks like you did all right."
Sam nods. "Yeah. Yeah. I should figure out her name."
Jamie smirks. "Probably a good idea."
Sam is sitting at a desk in the library with a computer in front of a giant portrait of Jared as a cowboy with a suit of armor on either side. Jamie is leaning over his shoulder. "wrist bone of saint and holy reliquary. Museum-quality, from diocese in Oaxaca." - Looks legit."
Dean goes over and looks at it. "All right. Auction house is in Mexico City. We could be there day after tomorrow. We, uh, case it, yank it, be back here by the end of the week."
Jamie looks at them. "That's a long time to be stuck in this world, though."
Sam looks at them. "Or we could just buy it."
"What?! Dude, that thing's over a hundred thou—" Sam holds up a black credit card. "Hello, Jared Padalecki."
Jamie looks at the card. "Damn. Well, at least one good thing came out of this."
"Cubrir a su amigo en la aduana. no? Bueno." Sam is talking on the phone. Dean is doing more internet shopping.
"Triple rush. No problemo. Because money is no ob—" His purchase is denied. "This baby's maxed."
Sam hangs up and looks at Dean. "Wow. They said it should be at the airport first thing in the morning."
"Money, man. There is nothing like it. All right. Couch. Tv star. Beauty rest." Dean jumps onto the large black couch and lays down. "Ahh."
Jamie rolls her eyes. "Typical, move over."
Dean moves over so Jamie can lay next to him. "Hey, I can put my arms around you again." He tells her.
"Do you guys want privacy?" Sam asks, chuckling. Dean and Jamie give him a look.
Sam picks up the package from the airport the next morning. Dean and Jamie are sitting in the car with Clif. "So I don't mean to pry, but, uh, why are we picking up packages at 8:00 A.M. that haven't cleared customs yet?"
Dean smiles. "Just saving time."
Jamie nods. "Yeah."
Sam enters the car with the package. He passes it back to Dean. "All right, here we go."
"We're not doing anything illegal, are we?"
Sam glances at him. "Would it make you feel better if we said no?"
"No."
Jamie smiles. "Then we won't say anything."
Jamie, Sam, and Dean set the package down in the set of Bobby's house. Dean opens the package and the lights above them turn on, startling them. "Whoa. What?"
Jamie looks around. "Oh God."
"We finish today in 12 hours if it kills us all. Get "a" and "b" cam for scene 12. What is this?" Bob turns to Sam, Jamie, and Dean. "Here for the first run-through, before anyone else? Dedication."
Dean walks over to Bob. "Uh, can I talk to you for a second? Um, we're gonna need the, uh, set cleared for - safe side, an hour or so."
"You need it cleared."
Dean nods. "Yeah. Yeah. Me and, Eliza, and um...Jared were gonna do some actor stuff."
Bob looks at him and smiles kindly. "Jensen, we're thrilled to see you collaborating so creatively. And your enthusiasm is refreshing. Dean Cain was like that on "Lois," And that man's a real actor. And we will clear this set exactly when we shoot the 2 3/8 pages we are scheduled to shoot on this set. So you do your "actor stuff" and we'll do our "camera stuff" and, uh..."
Dean walks away sheepishly. Misha is sitting with Sam and Jamie. "Ooh, "priority."what's in it?"
Jamie glances back at him. "Something we ripped off the Church for."
"I bought part of a dead person."
"Oh, cool."
Dean walks over. "Uh, so, bad news. Uh...Looks like we're gonna have to do a little acting."
Sam stares up at him in horror. "What?"
Jamie shakes her head. "I want to go home."
"Supernatural" scene 36, take 1. Marker!"
"Action!"
Sam, Jamie, and Dean stand behind Misha. Sam looks utterly terrified, Jamie crosses her arms and frowns, and Dean is staring earnestly.
"Balthazar is no hero. But he knows Raphael will never take him back." Misha turns around. Jamie steps back, Sam flinches, Dean walks forward and then looks down at his mark and moves over to his right.
"Cut!"
"Supernatural" scene 36, take 8. Marker!"
"Action!"
Sam seems unsure of what to do with his arms and keeps rearranging them, folding, unfolding.
"Balthazar is no hero. But he knows Raphael will never take him back."
Dean looks at the script in his hand. "Dean, grimly. And yet, somehow you got no problem with it."
"Cut!" Misha turns to the camera and mouths 'what the hell'. "Action."
Sam walks forward. "That's because...That's because we have no other choice." He says very poetic and dramatically.
"Don't look at the camera." Dean tells him.
"What?"
Jamie points. "You're looking at the camera."
Dean nods. "Yeah. Look anywhere but the camera."
Sam looks at the ceiling. "That's because we have no other choice!"
"Cut! For the love of... Action. Cut!"
Sam raises his arm stiffly. "If there's a key, then" He raises his other arm. "There must also be a lock."
"Cut. Action."
"If there's a key...then there has to be a lock. And when we find the lock, we can get the weapons, and then we can have the weapons. And the lock. We'll still have the lock, I imagine, because we've opened it, and, of course, the initial key."
"That doesn't sound hard at all." Jamie turns and makes a face.
"We need to get all three of that crap." He says in a deep hoarse voice.
Sam looks at him. "What?"
"That's how he talks."
"Oh."
"Do we really need all these lines? I mean, I-I-I-I think we've covered ?" He says out the window to Bob.
Jamie looks at Dean. "I need to throw up." They and Misha go and sit in their chairs.
Sam looks at the script. "Who wrote this? Nobody says "penultimate!"
Jamie moves closer to Sam and looks at the script. "This is…I don't even know anymore. I give up." She looks at Dean.
"Gun, mouth." He makes gun gesture at his mouth. "Now."
"Moving on!"
"Thank god." Dean says in relief.
Misha is tweeting on his phone. "I-m-h-o, 'J' and 'J' had a late one last night. Not sure what's up with El."
Sam, Jamie, and Dean rapidly unpack the package and assemble the spell. "All right, damn it. We earned this." Dean says.
Jamie looks over at the table. "Make sure you use the right symbol."
Dean looks over at her. "I'd kill for your journal right now."
"Me too."
Dean completes the blood sigil on the window. "That's it?" Sam asks.
"That's it, toto." Dean tells him.
Jamie steps back. "This better work. I'm losing my mind without the voices."
Sam, Jamie, and Dean come crashing through the window, but just land on the other side of the set.
Back in Jensen's trailer the siblings are sitting down and looking discouraged. "Maybe we did it wrong." Sam says.
Jamie shakes her head. "I checked it myself, Sam."
Dean glances at them. "No. No, that -that spell was perfect. It should have worked."
Sam sighs. "What if it can't? Look, I was up all night, looking online. There's no sign that anything like the apocalypse happened here. Ever. And as far as I can tell, monsters, ghosts, demons -they're all pretend."
Jamie stares at him. "What?"
"So nobody's hunting them?" Dean asks.
"No hunters. Look, maybe that's why our spell didn't work, Dean, you know? M-maybe here, there's no supernatural, no magic."
"No demons, no hell, no heaven, no - no god?"
"Something like. Even better - No angels."
Jamie looks down. "Oh…that's…"She sighs. "Now I really am going to throw up." She runs over to the bathroom.
"Jamie? Jamie!" Dean calls after her.
They hear Jamie puking. "We need to get her knocked back up."
At the motel room set a sigil glows and Virgil crashes through landing on the set.
Sam, Jamie, and Dean walk in front of the green screen where two stunt doules are punching each other next to the Impala. Dean looks at them and then continues walking. "Okay, maybe we can't get out of, uh, you know, Earth number two right now, but the least we can do is get the hell out of the Canadian part of it."
"Yeah." Sam says.
Jamie nods. "Agreed."
"I hear one more conversation about hockey, I'm gonna puke." He pauses and looks at Jamie. "No offense."
Jamie gives him a look. "Bitch later, run now."
Sam stops them. "Wait a minute. This way, this way, this way."
Dean points. "No, no, no, no, no. It's this way. It's this way!"
"No, Dean, look, I really -I really think that we should –" Sam spots Virgil. "Dean!"
Virgil comes up behind Dean. "You think you can run?" Virgil lays his hand on Dean's forehead, but nothing happens.
"No!"
Jamie grabs Sam's arm. "Wait. Sam, hang on."
"Sorry, dude. Mojo-free zone." Dean punches Virgil.
"No magic in the house." Sam says.
Dean grins. "Which makes you nothing but a dick."
Jamie shoves past Dean and Sam. "You took away my powers. My baby. By the way, this is for your boss." She kicks Virgil in the crotch. Dean and Sam look at each other and smirk. The three of them continue to beat up Virgil.
"You know, I oversee all the stunts, coordinate all the fights."
"That's exciting." The woman gestures to where Dean is punching Virgil. Sam is holding him back. Dean and Jamie take turns punching him. "Is that one of yours, then?"
"Guys!"
"Not good! Not good!"
Sam is being pulled off of Virgil. "No, no, no, no! Stop! You don't understand! No, no, no!" Virgil grabs the key from Sam's pocket.
"You're dead, Virgil!" Dean yells.
Jamie spits. "Virgil when we get back I'll make sure you are fried alive! I'll going to douse you in holy fire you son of a bitch!"
"I'm gonna break your friggin' neck! Hey!" Dean tries to get away.
Jamie fights. "Let me go, get the hell off me! Dean!"
Dean, Sam, and Jamie walk around the set. "I don't know. I mean, Virgil broke through. Maybe he's got a way to get back." Dean says to them.
Sam shakes his head. "Or he has no juice here, and now he's stuck, like us."
Jamie looks up. "This is a nightmare I want to end."
"Yeah, either way, I want to finish kicking his ass." Dean nods to his siblings.
"Me too." Sam follows him.
Dean, Jamie, and Sam walk into Bobby's house set, and Bob is sitting at the desk. He turns the desk light on. "There you are, guys! You got a minute?"
Sam stops. "Actually, we're -we're looking for, uh –"
"...for that extra you tried to kill? So, is it money? Is this the kind of act that goes away if we can scare up some coverage on a raise?"
Dean gives him a look. "More money? You already pay these three jokers enough as it is."
Jamie turns to him. "Well actually they pay you two. I'm just a third wheel."
"Yeah."
" 'cause I'd like to think that over these years, we've grown closer. That you don't think of me as "director Bob" or "executive producer Bob Singer," but as "uncle Bob."
Sam realizes something. "Wait, you're kidding. So, the character in the show, Bobby Singer –"
"What kind of douchebag names a character after himself?" Dean asks.
Jamie scoffs. "That's just wrong."
"Okay, guys, let's begin again."
"Yeah." The three siblings mutter at the same time.
Dean turns to his siblings. "You know, I don't think Virgil would have shagged out of here without getting his mitts on that key."
Sam nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I agree."
Jamie turns. "Mmm."
Sam starts searching his pockets. Jamie looks at him.
"Guys...You can't come to work on poppers and smuggle kidneys in from Mexico and make up your own lines as you go! You cannot make up your own lines! Good god, what about your careers?"
Sam turns to him. "You know what? Screw our careers, Bob."
"And screw you!" Sam and Jamie turn and walk out.
"What?!"
Dean smirks, turning back to him. "You heard my brother and sister. That's right, I said "brother and sister." 'cause you know what, Bob? We're not actors. We're hunters. We're the Winchesters. Always have been, and always will be. And where we're from, people don't know who we are. But you know what? We mattered in that world. In fact, we even saved a son of a bitch once or twice. And yeah, okay, here, maybe there's some - some fans who give a crap about this nonsense."
"I wouldn't call it nonsense."
"But, Bob Singer -If that even is your name -Tell me this -What does it all mean?"
"Okay. This is good. I mean, we've all had our psychotic breaks, right? I can work with this."
Sam and Jamie come back in. "Dean. Virgil -I think he has the key." Sam tells him.
"We gotta go, Dean. Come on." Jamie groans and turns away. "I need my freakin sight back, man." She stares up at the ceiling. "I would kill for a little precognition!"
"We quit." Dean says.
"Yeah." Dean and Sam turn and walk out, grabbing Jamie on the way.
Sam, Dean, and Jamie walk into the Padalecki mansion. "Maybe we get on the police dispatch system." Sam suggests.
"Put out an A.P.B on Virgil? Might work, if he stays obvious." Dean says.
Jamie nods. "We have to be quick about it though. It's not like we have a lot of time."
"Oh, my god! Oh, my god!" Gen runs up to them.
Sam turns to her. "What?"
"Misha! He's been stabbed to death!"
"Where?" Dean, Sam, and Jamie all say at the same time.
"Where?!" Gen asks in horror.
Dean, Sam, and Jamie walk down the alley. They glance over at Misha's body, covered in a sheet with a large blood stain. Jamie grabs her head and gasps. Dean and Sam grab her.
"Jamie?" Dean asks, concerned.
Jamie closes her eyes. "Mmm. Virgil. He…"
"Yeah, yeah, Raphael." Jamie, Dean, and Sam look up to where the cops are talking to a homeless man. "Like the ninja turtle. He was calling someone name of Raphael, up in heaven. Yeah, yeah. That's right. The - the scary man killed the attractive crying man, and then he started to pray. And the strange part -After a while, I s-swear I heard this voice, answering." He tells the siblings.
"What did it say?" Sam asks.
"Well, it didn't make any sense."
Jamie nods. "That's alright."
Dean looks at him. "Try us."
"The voice said, for Virgil "to return tomorrow"at the place where he crossed over, "at the time of the crossing." and Raphael would-"
"Reach through the window and take him and the key home." Jamie finishes. The homeless man looks at Jamie. Jamie clears her throat.
"Uh, okay. Hey, thank you." Dean hands homeless man 50 Canadian dollars. The homeless man leave. Jamie turns to her brothers. "You got your mojo back?"
Jamie shakes her head. "I don't think it's back, I think it's like a pocket. Virgil opened it with a blood spell to converse with Raphael. And…it's closed now. I can't see anymore."
"Damnit. " Dean cusses.
Sam tries to get their attention. "Uhh...guys, if Virgil gets back with that key, Cas is dead, and our world is toast."
Jamie rolls her eyes. "Oh and we're screwed. Again."
Dean looks at them. "Well, then we stop him. I mean, how bad can an angel with no wings be?"
The next morning the Winchesters are back on the set of Bobby's house. "You know that if we drop Virgil, get the key, then this might be it. We might be stuck here." Dean tells them.
Sam shakes his head. "No, we'll figure out a way back."
Jamie looks up. "We have to."
"Yeah, you wouldn't be that broken up if we didn't, though."
Sam looks at his brother. "What? Don't be stupid."
Jamie sighs. "Dean."
"Well, I'm just saying. No hell below us, above us only sky."
"Dean, our friends are back there."
"Yeah, but here, Sam, you got a pretty good life. I mean, back home, the hits have been coming since you were 6 months old. You got to admit, being a-a bazillionare, married to Ruby, the whole package. It's no contest. And Jamie, is being normal really so terrible?"
Jamie gives him a hard look. "I want my baby back."
Dean relents. "Okay, good point."
Sam nods. "Besides, you know, you were right. We just don't mean the same thing here. I mean, we're not even siblings here, man."
"All right, then. Let's get our crazy show back home."
They hear gunfire, and look at each other.
Virgil enters the set and proceeds to shoot the crew. Sam comes out. "Hey!"
Virgil aims his gun at Sam. Jamie shoves him out of the way. Dean lunges at Virgil and punches him, throwing him through the set into the motel room. Sam and Jamie join the fight and they help Dean beat Virgil unconscious. Jamie takes the key back from Virgil.
"Dean! I got it! Let's go." Jamie says, but then doubles over grabbing her head. Sam and Dean look at her. Dean looks over at the window.
Sam notices the glowing sigil on the window. "Raphael."
"We gotta go, we gotta go!" Jamie tells them.
"Run!" Dean yells.
Dean, Jamie, and Sam fly backward through the window.
They end up outside a motel. Raphael is waiting for them. This time is vessel is a woman. "You three...Have the strangest luck."
Jamie looks down and feels her belly. "Thank God." She mutters.
"Please." Raphael shoots back.
Dean looks up. "Raphael? Nice meatsuit. Dude looks like a lady." Raphael squeezes her fist and causes Dean, Jamie, and Sam to bend over in pain. "The key." She picks it up from the ground.
"No!" Jamie says.
"And that will open you a locker at the Albany bus station." Balthazar says, walking up.
Dean and Sam get to their feet and help Jamie up.
"Really."
"You see, I needed a modest decoy to make it more convincing."
"Give me the weapons."
"Sorry, darling. They're gone."
"What?!"
"I said, too bloody late. You see, they were so well-hidden that I needed time to find them. So, I volunteered these three marmosets for a game of fetch with Virgil. You three were such an adequate stick. Thank you. Thank you, boys, Jamie."
"You've made your last mistake."
"Oh, I've got a few more up my sleeve, honey."
Raphael walks toward Balthazar. Dean and Sam turn to Jamie. "Castiel!" Jamie says.
Cas appears. "Step away from him, Raphael. I have the weapons now. Their power is with me."
"Castiel." Raphael looks shocked.
"If you don't want to die tonight, back off." Raphael disappears.
Balthazar turns to Cas. "Well, Cas...Now that you have your sword, try not to die by it."
Balthazar disappears. Castiel walks towards the siblings. "Cas, what the hell?" Sam asks. Castiel puts his hands on the three of them and brings the siblings back to Bobby's house. "Wait, wait, you were in on this, using us as a diversion?"
Castiel looks at him. "It was Balthazar's plan. I would have done the same thing."
"That's not comforting, Cas." Dean says.
Jamie turns to him. "You're lucky I can't kick your ass."
Castiel stares at them. "When will I be able to make you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose. Everything."
Jamie sighs. "We know."
"Yeah, Cass. We know the stakes. That's about all you've told us!" Dean yells.
"I'm sorry about all this. I'll explain when I can."
"Castiel…" Castiel disappears. Jamie groans.
"Friggin' angels." Dean says, turning away.
Sam knocks on the wall. "Solid." He breathes out in relief. "It's real. Nice."
Jamie nods. "Yeah." She leans against the table.
Dean looks up. "Yeah. Yeah, real, moldy, termite-eaten home sweet home. Chock full of crap that want to skin you. Oh, and, uh, we're broke again."
Sam crosses his arms. "Yeah. But, hey...At least we're talking."
"Oh!" Jamie holds her stomach. Dean and Sam look at her in concern. She looks up and grins. "He kicked."