A King's Dilemma
Chapter One: Dilemma
He's not unconscious when Gaius and Merlin enter his chamber. He knows he looks it, since he's paralyzed and his eyes closed by Edwin. He can't move to indicate otherwise.
Even so, he's not unconscious. Edwin wanted him awake and aware to feel the enchanted beetle burrowing into his head and chewing through his brain. Wanted him to feel every agonizing moment, and the helplessness of being unable to even beg for help.
And even if that weren't true, how could he fall unconscious when every limb is flooded with adrenaline and fear and desperation. And rage. He knows now that Edwin must have been behind Morgana's mysterious malady. The false healer dared to harm his ward. And if the man is still alive when he recovers, he will pay for that.
When he recovers. He refuses to admit to the fear that no one will realize his plight in time, that he will die helplessly trapped in the prison of his own body. An ignominious and humiliating death, to die in bed at the hands of a sorcerer who tricked him so well.
So he is awake, though unable to reveal it, when Gaius and his ward come into his chambers. He hears them whispering frantically. Arguing about something.
It's clear that Gaius has figured out the truth about Edwin. So has his ward, from the sound of it. But what are they arguing about doing? Something about knowing how to fix…?
They know about Edwin's sorcerous beetles. They're arguing about how to undo what the other man has done. But why does it sound like Gaius is worried about the cure? Why…
The beetle is magic. The paralytic in his veins is no work of sorcery, but the thing that will kill him is. And Gaius swore never to use magic in his presence again. Gaius swore. And he has never broken that vow, as far as he knows. Not even for Morgana or Arthur or to save his own life. That's why he trusts Gaius. Aside from their boyhood friendship, Gaius has kept his vow to abstain from magic.
And if he could move, he would not ask Gaius to break that oath now. Though...why does it sound like that isn't what the argument is about…?
And then hands fall upon his face. One on his brow, one on the side of his face, where the beetle crept into his ear. Another hand takes his own.
He recognizes the hand holding his. That is Gaius. But the hands on his face are smaller, narrower. They don't carry the same scent or the same feel at all. Either there's a third person in the room, or Gaius's ward, Arthur's servant, is touching him.
Any outrage he might feel about that is swept away when the boyish voice pronounces a stream of words that, to the uninformed, sound like gibberish. He can't understand them, exactly, but he knows what they are.
The language of sorcery. Of magic.
Something cool and tingling sweeps through him, and he knows it from days long past. Magic. The boy, Merlin, is using magic.
Using. Magic. On. Him.
On him!
He would put a knife in the boy's throat right now if he could. He feels a flash of betrayal. Gaius. Did Gaius work with Edwin and Merlin to betray him to his death?
But then the pain in his head, the pain from the beetle, disappears. No more wiggling. No more pressure. No more feeling of gnawing. Something tickles his ear and falls away, and the pain is gone. Another tingling surge sweeps through him, and the worst of the paralytic is neutralized. He still feels weak, too weak to rise, but he can move. Can and does, sagging and rolling into his pillows in the boneless movement of unconsciousness. It's not so much a chosen movement as the completion of what would have happened if his muscles had been able to obey him earlier.
The hands leave his face and his arm. He hears Gaius ask a question, and the boy answer. Relief in Gaius's voice. Merlin saying something about how he'll sleep for a while longer.
He's not asleep now. But he doesn't bother trying to open his eyes or correct their perception of the situation. He can't really move from his bed, and he's not going to be able to do anything about the Merlin issue until he recovers. A few more whispered words, then Gaius presses his arm in a familiar and kind gesture, with a quiet reassurance, and the two depart.
He is left alone with the absence of pain, the relief of his freedom, and his thoughts.
Merlin, Arthur's manservant and Gaius's ward, has magic. Uses magic. Gaius apparently knows, and did not tell him. He feels betrayed by that. But then...Gaius does not like to betray others. He would do it to save his life, for Gaius is loyal in that way. But Merlin is Gaius's ward, and Gaius apparently knew his mother from long ago, and perhaps that is enough to sway Gaius into keeping the boy's secret? Gaius does have that kind of heart.
The boy used magic on him. That warrants a death sentence as soon as he is recovered enough to issue the command. And yet…
The boy saved him. Saved his life, saved him from Edwin's treachery. And he had to have known what the consequence of getting caught using magic was. Of course, the boy thought he was unconscious, unaware, but that doesn't change the fact that another servant or a guard or anyone might have come in to see what he was doing.
Were that the only thing to consider, he would consider it a plot and order the boy's death without hesitation. But unfortunately, this is a rare instance where he has plenty of time to consider other factors that might weigh in on his thoughts.
Like the number of times in recent months that a magical threat has descended on Camelot, or against Arthur, and been foiled.
The sorceress at the feast. Everyone else fell under her spell, and yet somehow the boy Merlin resisted it, countered it, dropped a light fixture on her head, and reacted in time to pull Arthur out of the way of the knife she threw.
The knight, Valiant, with his magical shield. Merlin was the one to identify the threat. And in the final bout, when the serpents emerged...he had put it down to the treachery of magic in general, to fail the one who wields it, but he knows full well the serpents did not rise from the shield in full view of the entire arena at Valiant's command. He saw the look on the man's face. And no decent fighter with such an advantage, trickery and treachery though it might be, would reveal it like that. Valiant should have done what he did before: wait until he was close, until he could hide what he did, then unleash the snakes into his victim.
But the snakes did come forth, in full view of the court. Proof of Arthur's claim and far enough away that Arthur could defend against them.
The creature that was causing the blue-veined plague. A magical construct, and found and conquered by Arthur and – he's beginning to dislike the name – Merlin. And didn't the boy say he had been the one to save Guinevere's father the blacksmith? That he had magic? At the time, Arthur had covered for him, but it hadn't seemed like Arthur knew…
Regardless, they'd all laughed the boy away, but it's clear in hindsight that he spoke the truth. He probably did save the blacksmith. As he helped Arthur kill the beast in the cistern.
And then the poisoned chalice, that he wouldn't say how he knew it was poisoned.
And just last month, was it not the griffin? The griffin that could not be killed by any non-magic means, according to Gaius and his records. And then it died, and everyone assumed it was some special gift of Lancelot's, some unknown weakness the beast bore. Now it seems as though Merlin might have had a hand in that too. After all, didn't the boy vouch for Lancelot in the first place?
He hates the evidence he sees, the fact that he was so blind to it, so convinced the boy was nothing more than Gaius's student and a half-competent servant. When in fact the child was a sorcerer all along. There's a part of his mind that insists that it is all a plot, all a sham, a way to get close to the royal family, to kill or control them.
But...there is Gaius. Loyal Gaius, his friend even after everything. And Arthur. And Morgana. All of whom like the boy and swear to his trustworthiness. Arthur has even dared risk death for the youth, and in spite of his command.
He'd like to think that was a sign of Merlin's powers controlling his son, except that…
Well, Arthur pummels and insults his servant on a daily basis. Arthur complains regularly about Merlin. Arthur has clapped Merlin into the stocks more than once, and what kind of sorcerer would submit to that kind of indignity? Especially, if he is controlling the prince?
He stutters and he stumbles through his words like the country boy he is, rather than a powerful man with the control of the world in his hands. He tried to refuse the post as Arthur's servant before he took it, and he didn't fight when Arthur temporarily sacked him.
He's had so many chances to gain more recognition within the court, if that is his goal. And so many chances to see members of the royal family dead, if he wanted that, and without even doing anything himself.
And the boy saved him. He knows Merlin knows how much he hates magic. Merlin knows he could be sentenced to death for using even a simple spell, much less whatever he did that can kill griffins and reverse Edwin's dark curses. Or anything else he's done.
Merlin knows, but he's saved Arthur anyway. Saved Uther anyway. If he could have done it, he might have rescued Morgana before Edwin inserted himself into the court.
It could still be a vile plot, and he wants to believe that. But believing that also means believing that Merlin is either a better liar than Edwin could ever hope to be, or believing that Gaius, and possibly Arthur and Morgana have all betrayed him.
He can't quite make himself believe the former. He can't bear to believe the latter.
Curse the weakness that leaves him to lie abed and think of these things. Anger would be so much easier. And this would all be so much simpler if he could rise and confront them all. He'd be able to see who knew the truth versus who didn't, and solve the entire problem right there. Put the sorcerer boy to death, exile Gaius, and punish Arthur for helping a sorcerer, or for being too dull to see that he had employed one. And Morgana, if necessary.
Instead, he is trapped in his bed and in his chambers, unable to act, forced to think about things he doesn't want to consider.
Among them the sneaking, slippery idea that it might not be a plot. That Merlin might not be anything other than a bumbling, foolish boy who serves Arthur, helps Gaius, and happens to have powers that he uses when need arises.
He doesn't want to think of that. Any more than he wants to remember his youth, Gaius and Balinor at his side, his magical guardians. And Nimueh. All of them helped him so often in his boyhood. Gaius, for all that he has forsworn magic, still helps him, with his advice and his herbs and his tonics. Gaius helped him even when he turned against him, even when he dismissed him in favor of a charlatan.
He doesn't want to think about that, or the stray thought that follows the memory. Gaius knows how much his youth benefited from a magical ally. Is Gaius not betraying him, but instead hoping to groom for Arthur a similar companion?
Neither he nor Gaius will live forever. Is Gaius hoping to teach Merlin his craft, so that when he passes, the boy will take his place? Does he indulge his magic in emergencies, and try to train the boy against it's use in other times? Is he trying to rehabilitate Merlin, as he himself was once reformed long ago?
The argument at his bedside makes more sense in that case. So does the fact that Gaius has kept the boy at his side, and kept his secret. These are all things Gaius would do, if he thought he could. And such actions, taken in misguided loyalty and for the sake of the kingdom fit Gaius's character so much better than betrayal.
Which still leaves the question of what he will do, when the medicines he was fed wear off enough that he can do anything other than lie there.
It shouldn't be a question at all. But it is. Because Merlin has saved his life, and that of his son and heir. And because Gaius is loyal and good and came back to his side even after being dismissed.
He can feel sleep, true sleep, beckoning him under. He would like to resist, but he knows from long experience that it is best to let the potions work their way out of his system. He knows now that he will wake healed, rather than to an agonizing death.
Yes. He will sleep. He doubts Merlin will be gone when he wakes, and he can deal with the boy then.
Author's Note: I couldn't help it. This what-if just stomped into my brain and demanded to be written.
Not sure how AU this might go just yet. I suspect Uther will be the one who decides...