Holy shit, Destiel is sorta kinda canon! I've been waiting on it for forever now and I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels a little short changed here. I've been literally crying all week because s15e18 was THE MOST DEPRESSING thing EVER. And it's embarrassing because I'm a grown ass adult in my thirties. I'm very close to my mom and have gotten her to watch Spn with me since like last month, and have been turning her into a fan as well lol. I explained to her the Destiel thing and even she'd making comments now about it. I think she's secretly starting to ship them too lol.

So yeah, post ep 18.

Dean rubbed his eyes drowsily, dragging his feet at he walked down the hall towards his room. He felt heavy; not like overweight heavy, but like is very existence relentlessly bearing down on him. Perhaps he just needed a nap, to lie down. It would probably help with his blurry vision but he knew it wouldn't help to fill the void inside him. The loneliness.

He looked up, spotting the unused door next to his had been left ajar. He pulled his gun from his belt, quietly pushing the door open. The bed looked like it had seen regular use, he squinted as he looked around more, trying to figure out who could've been sleeping there.

His attention was then drawn to the nightstand. He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the developing lump in his throat. There was an old boombox sitting on it, headphones still plugged into it. He pooped open the tape deck to reveal the mixtape he had made Castiel years ago. It looked a little worn, like he listened to it frequently. Dean sat down on the bed, placing the cassette back into its spot in the deck.

The hunter felt the tears welling in his eyes as they met a photo facedown next to it that he hadn't noticed before. He picked it up, reluctantly turning it over. It was of him and Castiel. He remembered taking it on his …phone; it had been such a random little thing; he whipped the device out of his pocket and wrapped an arm around the shorter male's shoulder. The look of surprise and slight shock on the angel's face was hysterical. Castiel had asked him to send it to him so it looked like he had it printed. He smiled mournfully as the tears began to spill over.

All the years he spent on earth; he'd only acquired two physical possessions. The gift he gave him and a photo of them. The only things he wanted.

Dean cradled his head in his hands, feeling the tears falling more freely as his throat began to tighten. His heart ached so hard he wished he was dead; he could barely even breathe.

It had been a few hours since he last saw his brother so Sam headed to his room to check on him when he noticed the open door. He leaned in and chewed at the inside of his mouth a bit, Dean was sleeping, his legs curled into his chest slightly. As he got closer, his brows furrowed when he saw the photo in his hand. He took it to examine it, then he saw the tape and he was standing in Castiel's room. He leaned the photo up against the boombox.

It all made sense now -why Dean refused to tell him what happened when Castiel died. He must've told him about the feelings he had for him and knowing his idiot brother, he probably got scared and didn't know how to react. He took a shaky breath as he looked back at his big brother for a moment before walking out and leaning against the hall wall. The younger Winchester ran a hand through his hair trying desperately to shake the sadness creeping into his bones. It hurt like hell when he lost Eileen but he couldn't imagine the agony Dean was in. Having so much left to say, so many regrets.

He heard Dean stir in the next room, slightly gasping and sniffling as he sat up. "Cass…" Dean said quietly, "Castiel, I hope you can hear me...I need you to hear me..." the shorter brother paused as his voice began to shake "I'm so sorry I didn't say it back. -I'm sorry I didn't find a way to save you...I love you too, Cass. Please...please come back to me."

Sam's eyes welled with tears at the prayer, he pressed his hands into the corners of his eyes in hopes of stopping the forming tears from falling. Dean was such an amazing person and didn't deserve this torture. In that moment Sam wanted nothing more than for his brother to be happy. Truly happy. But his happiness had been consumed by the Empty. There had to be a way to bring Castiel back.

Just jotted this down a few minutes ago, might edit it later. Make it longer, fix some stuff.