Dear Mavis, Are You Bloody Well Kidding Me?

by Abracadebra

What happens when Newkirk finds out that his sister has been writing letters to Colonel Hogan-and that the Guv has actually been writing back? Letters from an irritable British corporal happen, that's what. Many thanks for Prolegomenon aka Old English Game for inspiring this response with her very funny "To Colonel RE Hogan" story and to LE Wigman for playing along.

2. Chapter 2: Not Cricket

NOVEMBER 8, 1943

Dear Mavis,

Now wait a tick. Have I got this right? YOU wrote to HIM first? You really are getting on my wick now.

It's not cricket, you having your little chats with the Colonel about me. If you want to set things right, please send tea and a real teapot. That tea would have never spilt if we had proper British equipment.

And stop calling me "Newkirk" in your letters. That's just wrong. I honestly don't know what's worse: You calling me Newkirk or him calling me Peter, which he just did by mistake, and I'm certain it's your fault. Because no one here calls me by my Christian name. Except for LeBeau, sort of. And I don't even want to discuss what he calls me.

Love, probably,

Peter