Author's Disclaimer: I don't own a thing belonging to "Avatar: The Last Airbender." Naffing.
Author's notes: And Lin! Tada. I hope you all like. Stay tuned for more mama drama.
Nickmack101: just wait and see?
Mese: oh, that'll come up at some point, I'm sure :P Just wait.
CharlieBarrow: thanks.
"Tumbling boulder: the Toph Files"
Chapter seven "Birth and Decision"
Toph found Suki easily, her bare feet picking out her chi signature and taking her to her pregnant lover. Her arms going around her from behind felt her round belly. Suki sighed and leaned back into her, making Toph feel potent. As potent as she could feel not knowing where this child would live, what would happen with Suki, or her for that matter. She still hadn't written her parents to tell them of her child's impending birth. As always, Toph wanted to handle it all alone.
All alone had them renting a small hut in a village in the Earth Kingdom. Toph had paid for the location for months, easily enough time for Suki to have the baby and decide….something. She sighed against Suki's neck.
"Thank you. For being here with me," Suki murmured. Toph lifted her nose from her shoulder. A brief inhale gave her Suki's sweet scent. The pregnancy made her smell even better and sometimes she was out of her mind with desire for her.
"How could I not?" she murmured. Suki's hands laid over hers. "You're carrying my child. You….it's you. I care about you."
The words were meant to encourage her, but Suki's heart sank. "It seems stupid to ask right now. " She laughed bitterly, one hand smoothing over her belly. "But what about love?"
Toph's heart pinged. The nauseous love she felt for her partner coiled through her belly. She could be sick from it, but Toph never back down from a fight. "I do. I do love you. Why won't you let me mark you?"
Suki turned in her arms. Her lips moved across Toph's face. Toph's lips down turned in a sad frown as she quivered like a strummed bow string. "I thought…before this child, it was just something fun to be had between us. I didn't think you'd want more…."
"Well we got more," Toph said sensibly, but bluntly as always. Suki waited patiently, bless her. "Is it so hard to believe I love you?"
"But are you in love with me?" Suki whispered. Toph's mind coiled around dark thoughts. She tried to restrain her angry chi, but it still lashed out in peaks. Suki recoiled.
"What do you mean? Love or in love? What are we, kids still? Do you 'like-like' me?" she asked sarcastically. Suki pressed her brow to hers, holding onto her. Toph shivered under her hands.
"Are you in love with me?" Suki made herself ask. The child wouldn't let her shy away. It was forcing everything out in the open, front and center with its very existence. Toph's hands went low and rested on her round belly. She rubbed warmly.
"Yes, dammit!"
As Suki was reveling in that, the next question made her bite her lip. "What about me? You won't let me mark you. Why even have this child?"
"I want it!"
"Really? Like you only want my knot? Do you love me at all?!"
Suki smacked her palm against Toph's chest. The alpha growled a warning at her. "Toph!"
"Maybe it's only Zuko you see. It's not Sokka, so why not him?"
"It's not Zuko!" Suki bit out. Not anymore. Toph knew that. She'd confided in her…. "Don't you see…"
"No! I can't!" Toph bit out. Suki sighed, taking a deep breath.
"Okay, bad choice of words…"
"You're telling me!"
"Toph…." Suki cupped her jaw and leaned to kiss her. Toph quivered against her, kissing her back softly. "I…I do love you…"
"Then why can't we mark each other? Why didn't you tell your parents? We could have the baby at my parents!" Toph exclaimed. Suki held onto her. Their relationship, as fragile as a cobweb, threatened to break apart in front of her eyes. And wasn't she to blame?
"We'll figure it out! Please….."
Toph's shoulders were taut beneath Suki's hands. She stroked up and down Toph's torso, drinking in her strength, and drawing from it. Toph seemed to rejuvenate, pushing her chi out in encouraging passes.
"Why can't we just have it and take it home?" Toph hated how her words dragged and whined, but she was in distress. The pregnant woman in her arms was shaking as hard.
"We will…..we'll think of something."
"I already have, Sukes."
"I know…."
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Toph put herself to work with the villagers. She wore nondescript green tunic and brown trousers, bare feet open to the ground as she helped the farmers by earthbending furrows of land. They could put their seed in the easily tilled earth and Toph helped cover the rows up with light taps of her bending.
The men and women were easy to be around and were genuinely concerned for her pregnant lover's status. The village midwife was on standby in the last few short weeks and Toph could only be grateful. When she was put to work, she could almost forget their duties to Zuko, to the fire Nation and Republic City, and focus on making a home for her lover. The baby needed stability too. It gave Toph purpose.
The last two weeks had been a fast affair of routine, meals and embrace. Toph could almost relax. Until the afternoon she went back to their shared hut and found Suki kneeling on the floor in front of the hearth, groaning lowly. Toph heard her and felt her shaky chi reaching out. She rushed forward to help her to her feet.
"Well, the baby will be here soon," Suki said shakily. Toph carried her to the bed and laid her in, leaning to kiss her brow.
"I'll be back right quick," she assured her. And Toph was out of the door, furrows of earth wending out of her way in her haste. For a moment all was quiet and Suki had the mad fear that Toph had left her alone to birth their child. But that thought was squashed when the midwife was flung suddenly into the doorway of the hut, Toph on her heels.
The woman looked rattled and slightly disheveled, but she quickly ran to Suki's aide. "Please find my two assistants? They're at the square last I saw…."
"I'm on it!" Toph ran back out the door.
The labor wound on into the night. The moon was high in the sky when the baby was delivered. Toph smiled, focusing at the squalling bundle of chi across from them and leaned to kiss Suki's face.
"Oh, Toph," Suki wept. Toph's heart felt too large for her chest. She kissed her lover again and her hands were held out by one of the assistants. Then a bundle was placed in them and Toph cradled it forward to her chest on instinct. The snuffling cries against her tunic front broke her heart. The life she'd help create squirmed in her arms, weak and helpless.
"Can I see?" Suki asked beside her. And Toph laughed, laying the bundle into her arms by touch.
"Go ahead," Toph declared. She the warm bundle in her lover's arms and kept her hands on Suki's forearms to help cradle the baby. Suki clutched the infant to her chest. "Boy or girl?"
"Girl, young alpha." The midwife said. She and her assistants were still at work around them, cleaning up and collecting tools.
"A girl," Toph sighed. She traced her fingertips over Suki's cheek and leaned to kiss her again. "What shall we name her?"
"I was thinking Su Wan. Or Lin."
"Lin," Tophi settled on that one soundly. "Simple. Strong."
"Like you," Suki said. Toph shook her head.
"Well yeah, but I was thinking you."
Her simple words touched Suki deeply. She smiled even though Toph couldn't see it. "Toph…"
Toph leaned to kiss her. Their lips met softly as the baby snuffled between them. "I know. You don't have to say it."
Suki reflected she should say she loved Toph more and more, but she was exhausted and in her current state, her lover's words made sense. Toph wound up on the bed, wrapped around her, patting the baby's back. Lin's chi signature was easily read as hers and the alpha was content. Only then did Suki close her eyes, exhaustion taking her.
She knew Toph would be there, caring for their child when she woke.
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It was barely the second week of Lin's life and the infant still woke throughout the night and slept in odd smatterings throughout the day, keeping both parents hard at work. Toph had paid off her time with the village headman in exchange for days off that she devoted to caring for Suki and her child. She slept in fits and spurts, as well as the new mother, but Toph took the brunt of caring for Lin to allow her lover rest.
Toph was diapering Lin carefully, large hands roaming over the infant's wriggly body easily. Her chi stroked over her daughter's and her child listened in turn, small wails or burbles filling the air. And then the blasted knock on the hut's door came. Suki went to answer, untying a stained apron as she went. Her shoulder-length hair could use a good combing and it'd been at least three days since she could grab a moment to bathe and wash it.
But it wasn't like Toph could see and she was just as disheveled. A messenger was at the door, holding out a sealed scroll.
"Who is it?" Toph called. Her chi surged out. The child flinched as it struck her but accepted the copper piece Suki held out for payment. Suki shut the door and a moment of trepidation swept through her. The seal was the royal Fire crest. She broke the seal and opened the letter, scanning the carefully penned characters.
"A message. From Zuko."
Tophi grunted as she fastened Lin's diaper and pulled her tiny clothes on. "What's he want?"
Suki noted the flare of annoyance in her lover's tone. She swallowed. "He….he wants to know if we're well. We should send a message."
"We shall." Toph sounded satisfied for the moment and watching her pick up their infant was an image that Suki made herself stamp in her memory. Lin pressed into her warmth and Toph was smiling down at her. She swallowed.
"He wants to know when I'll be reporting back."
The moment of happiness stopped, and Toph blinked, her bangs settled over her useless eyes. A gnawing pit began to eat at the bottom of her stomach, and it did not stop. "Well, what are you going to say?"
Lin began to wail, and Toph rocked her as gently as she could. Suki moved closer and put her hand over Toph's elbow.
"I should….report back. At least for abit…"
Blood roared in Tophi's ears. She only heard half of what her lover said. Fury eclipsed everything else. "What! Why?"
Lin cried harder and Suki gently took her from Toph. The alpha scowled, her head turned to the wall.
"Just to make sure thing all is well….the Kyoshi Warriors need me."
"I need you!" Toph snapped. The infant wailed harder, upset at the riot of chi swirling around her. Toph reigned in back in but her tone was no less angry. "WE need you. You're just going to go? Huh?"
"It's not forever!" Suki insisted. Her heart flip-flopped in agony in her chest. The baby's plaintive wails made her breasts start to leak and she sighed, tugging at her tunic to unfasten with one hand. "Just to get them settled….."
"They're grown women! They can figure it out!" Toph went on. Suki urged Lin to her breast and winced as she latched onto a nipple.
"I know that, Toph! But there's also my duty to the Fire Nation…"
"HA! You're going back cause of Zuko!" Toph's words shredded her heart as easily as if an arrow had cleaved her breast. "You never stopped loving him! You love HIM, doncha?"
Toph sounded too self-indulgent and riotous for an outsider to consider her hurt, but Suki had known her for years. And her alpha was deeply hurt, trying to cover it with jabs. She sighed, tears welling in her eyes.
"No! Not anymore…."
Tophi leaned against the table one foot crossed over the other. She blew a strand of hair out of her face. "So, you DID love him." She wouldn't let up. Suki began to get angry.
"Yes, I did! At one point!"
"What, before all this? Before you decided to kick Sokka to the curb?"
"Stop it, Toph! You know what happened there."
"Yeah, I know. Fool me, to think…."
"Didn't I tell you I loved you already? What has gotten into you, Toph?" Suki demanded, exasperated. Lin pulled her mouth off and yawned, face wriggling into a grimace. She lifted her to burp, keeping an eye on her angry alpha.
"You! Lin! Everything!" Tophi's fists clenched. She kicked at the floor of the hut, small rents of earth erupting from the gesture. Suki waited. "I love you. WE love you! Can't you stay? Zuko can take a rain check already!"
"I'll write….but I should go at least for awhile! I will come back…."
"Ha! Where? Back to here? We don't even LIVE here!" Toph's words were angry but she did have a point. It wasn't a permanent home and they knew it. "Where will you come back TO?"
"Your home! In Republic City, idiot," Suki said. She was warming to Toph's anger and she briefly wondered if that was the intention. She reigned in her anger, lest it spill to Lin who clutched her shoulder with small grasping fingers.
"Don't call me an idiot, Sukes," Toph retorted. She sat on the edge of the bed knees spread. "Are you really going?!"
Suki caught her breath and settled Lin back into the crook of her arm. "Yes."
The corners of Toph's mouth downturned into a sad frown. She grimaced and Suki imagined her lover's heart was breaking as hers was. "Why? We need you…."
Suki moved to sit next to her, and she felt hurt when Toph shifted so their legs wouldn't touch.
"It won't be long….I promise."
But Toph wouldn't listen.
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Suki carefully dressed Lin, tears spilling from her eyes. It was the last time for awhile and she lifted the wriggling infant, cradling her to her chest. She and Toph had traveled, slowly for the baby's sake, to the continent ports, so Suki could take ship back to the Fire Nation.
It had been a trying week of traveling. Toph had paid off the village Lin had been born in, and slow carriage rides with a sleeping or crying infant had been exhausting. It wouldn't have been so bad if Toph would talk to her. She had clamped down and refused to address her, even if spoken to directly. At first it was annoying, but now Suki was wrung out, emotionally exhausted. She had meant it that she loved Toph. She just wanted to clear up her affairs and come back. She HAD said she would come back. But Toph refused to acknowledge or accept this. And what's more, Suki was at her wit's end. She was worried, and rightly so, that Toph assumed she wasn't coming back.
"Well, my ship leaves in a few hours," Suki said. Toph's head was turned away. The baby cried and Toph leaned to pick her up out of her basket. She patted the infant's back, milky pale eyes blinking slowly.
"Sure."
"TOPH." Suki put her hand over her alpha's. Toph's lips trembled as she kept her gaze away. "I said I'll be back. Why won't you believe me?"
Toph's lips turned down in anger. She blinked and Suki was startled to see tears forming in the corners of her eyes and she was trying in every way not to let them fall.
"I don't know…. You're going." The simple statement made Suki's heart hurt. "Zuko says jump, and you do. I hate it."
"I do love you," Suki said softly. They took a seat out of the town's market, in a covered alcove of a local inn. Toph rocked Lin, letting her small wails wind down to quiet snuffles.
Toph swallowed. She signaled for a waitress. "You must be hungry. Got to send you off right."
Suki's stomach turned as a few local dishes and seasoned dumplings were brought out. She couldn't stomach the smell but forced down a few bites. Toph ate with one hand, Lin tucked into the crook of one arm. She wasn't hungry either, but she did have to put up the front that things would be okay.
All too soon, Suki stood across from her at the dock. The gangplank of the huge metal ship waited, but Suki just stood there across from her, sniffling. Toph clenched her jaw and tried not to focus on how sad Suki's chi signature was.
"I'll send a letter….to your home in the city," Suki was saying. Toph could barely hear her through the screaming in her head.
She nodded. "I suppose."
Suki clutched her arm and Toph winced how hard she dug in. "I…I will miss you."
Tophi's lips turned downcast. She nodded. "I will too."
Suki went on and when Toph thought she could survive the goodbye, her next words gutted her. "I know you'll take good care of the baby…. I'll miss her too."
Gone….leaving her with the baby….she was really going! Toph blinked, tears in her milky white eyes.
"I will. You don't have to worry about that." Her mind, however, was screaming at her to do something. 'Please stay with me, stay!' her thoughts yelled. Toph bit her lip.
The baby began to cry, and Toph was startled to hear how shaky Suki's voice was. "I love you, Lin, and I'll be back soon."
Toph's breaking heart wouldn't allow her to believe her. She held the basket in one hand and her free hand was slowly let go of. Soft fingers traced down her jaw tenderly. And the soft touch was gone and Toph heard footsteps going up the gangplank. She clutched the basket close, staring sightlessly at where Suki's riotous chi was moving to up on the ship's deck. Then she turned and walked away.
Up on deck, Suki turned back, to wave, even if it was foolish for Toph couldn't see her. When she saw the tall alpha stride purposefully away, baby's basket in hand, she allowed her grief to overtake her. Suki collapsed to her knees on the deck, sobbing and an old man came to check on her and help her to her cabin.
The strength was knocked quite cleanly out of her.
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Toph rented an inn room in the town and tried to go through the evening without crying. She failed an hour in. As Lin lay sleeping in her basket, she sat with her back to the bed's edge, long leg on one side of the basket. Tears fell helplessly down her cheeks and Toph buried her face in her arms, pressed against her upturned knee.
This was why idiots fell in love and had children. To be left alone with their responsibilities and endure the decisions of others. Toph wanted to rail and curse aloud as she cried, but the baby was there sleeping. She didn't want to wake her. And that made her curse louder in her head.
After an hour and the tears were all but dried, Lin stirred and cried out for food. Toph picked her up and opened the room door to ask a servant to bring up a bottle. Dried formula was becoming more popular in the larger cities, and she'd have to rely on that for the child's sake. Once a warm bottle was made and brought up, Toph leaned against the side of the bed, holding the bottle up. Lin had cried at first, but eventually latched onto the rubber nipple of the bottle. Toph sighed as her chi settled as she fed.
"There….see? Almost just as good."
The first night passed slowly but as dawn's early light came, Toph was resigned to her role as single parent. She asked the innkeeper for a girl to aide her in a travel. She would pay for her services and arrange payment to come back to the town once she arrived back home.
"And won't Mother and Father be pleased?" Toph mumbled to her baby. Lin burbled in response. Toph allowed a small feeling of warmth to enter her frozen heart when her fingers were tugged into a warm wet mouth. Toothless gums gnawed gently against her and it made Toph laugh in surprise.
"You like that? Yeah, they'll like you. So cute and you'll do your part, eating and sleeping." Toph mumbled down to Lin. Her fingers were gently loosened and Toph felt the curve of the baby's lips. "You're smiling? Well, good."
As the servant girl entered and began packing up her things, Toph leaned back against the bed, infant in her arms. She nuzzled her chin toward the tuft of sweet-smelling hair and kissed the baby on her head. Yes, her parents would certainly be surprised.
End for now
End notes: Like it, drop a review. They keep the story going.
Pen 6/30/2019