"So, Sasuke, who ya fightin'?"
"Neji."
"That Hyuuga with a stick up his-"
"Yes."
"Hmmm." Naruto was deep in thought for a minute. "He seems like the kind of guy to monologue a lot. I have the perfect strategy for you to beat him."
Sasuke raised his eyebrows. "What idea?"
Naruto grinned sagely. "It's a great idea, but it will take a lot of hard work. Are you prepared, Sasuke?"
Sasuke replied, bored again. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"
Several hours later
"This is too tough, goddammit!"
"Aww, too tired already?"
"I'm serious, fishcake! This is not possible!"
"...It's totally possible."\
Sasuke threw the pile of scrolls at Naruto. "How the hell do you expect me to memorize the personal lives and the deaths of all the Uchiha in the massacre? And also figure out my relationship to them so I can add the correct familial honorific?"
Naruto shrugged. "Well, you probably don't have to do it for your parents. That should leave you with, uh, twenty-something?"
Sasuke growled with gritted teeth, "Three hundred and twenty eight Uchiha died in the massacre."
"Oh."
Sasuke breathed out a sigh of relief.
"Then I guess it's just three hundred and twenty-something."
"Hnnnn?!"
A few days later
Kakashi broke into Sasuke's home. He needed to be training for the exams, not lazing around! And where was Naruto?
Looking in through the window, he saw Sasuke answering trivia from Naruto with a fearful expression. At every wrong answer, Naruto would poke Sasuke with Kurama's chakra. He looked the part of a mad teacher.
'I'm not going near that with a ten-foot pole.'
Exam Day
As Naruto had predicted, after a few blows, Neji started telling his life story to Sasuke. It was quite monotonous.
At the point where Neji said his father had died, Sasuke yawned. All choreographed, of course. No ninja would ever yawn in the middle of a fight. Except maybe Naruto.
"Okay, so your dad died. Big deal. My dad died too. So did my mother, then Kagame nii-san, Oyazu obaa-sama..."
An Hour Later
"...and before you say anything about familial betrayal, this was all done by my brother."
Sasuke's entire monologue had taken about an hour, by the end of it, Neji was extremely irritated. He sprang forward with a roar. Sasuke didn't even move. When Neji was an inch from his face, he asked, "Who was Kagami Uchiha's spouse?"
Neji stopped moving and asked, "What?!"
Sasuke remained calm. "I said, who was Kagami Uchiha's spouse?"
"How should I know?!"
Sasuke's tone became colder. "You weren't listening?"
Neji took a few steps back in fear. Sasuke sighed.
"Very well, I'll repeat once more from the beginning. My dad died, along with my mother, Kagame-nii-chan, Oyazu-obaa-sama-"
"PROCTOR! I WISH TO FORFEIT!"