May 28th 2020

Chapter 149
Their Construction of Self

1st week of construction

"So, the middle should be somewhere around here, yeah?" Maya hopped into the space freshly cleared, where the foundation of the studio would be created, and stood at the heart of it before turning to face the house again. "Attic's up there, the window," she went on, pointing up. "I'm just saying… zip line," she told Lucas, nodding and holding her hands-on-hips pose for several seconds before sighing. "Hey, it's a good joke, come on, work with me," she gestured toward him. Finally, he blinked and looked toward her, noticing…

"What are you doing down there?" he asked. Maya sighed before walking back over to the edge and climbing up to rejoin him after he gave his hands to help.

"What is up with you?" she smiled up at him. "Is it school? Finals getting you down?"

"We're not there yet, but no, it's not… It's nothing," he shook his head.

"I am getting the strongest urge to call you by your full name right now, because you somehow got it in your head that I would believe that," she gave her eyes about a half roll before turning serious again. "I can tell something's got you distracted, and now I'm going to be distracted about you being distracted, and…"

"It was really just those few seconds," he insisted. "Go back in the hole, what were you saying?" Maya looked at him, took a step back and looked some more, her eyes squinting in full inspection mode. His reaction alone would tell her something, and here he gave what she'd describe as 'maybe if I don't look her right in the eye this will go fine.' The problem was that, after all these years, he either really sucked at it or she was that good at it.

"You know something," she finally pronounced. "You know something, and you don't want me to know. Why?" she stepped back up.

"Maya…"

"Just tell me why, that's all. Don't even have to tell me the thing, if it's a good reason, I mean…" she shrugged with winning innocence. Lucas sighed. It was his own fault for getting caught off guard by her of all people, but it didn't make him any more at ease with this moment.

"It's complicated…"

"Got that part, yeah," Maya nodded. He was not helping his case. If anything, he was making it worse by being so flighty about it, and he knew that. The part that complicated it was… well… it didn't feel right to keep her in the dark, but there was also the part where he felt caught between two confidences. In the end, the right thing was just going to have to be the one where the two of them were engaged to be married, and this was a bond that mattered a great deal to him, just as Maya's sisterhood stood above his brotherhood-by-marriage, and their guardianship made them responsible, should anything ever…

"Sam…" he finally replied. Maya looked at him for a moment, and Lucas caught a flicker in her eyes like 'oh…' "You told him to come to me if he…"

"I did, yes, I did say that…" she shut her eyes, like she was trying to keep herself from feeling an involuntary shudder at the image forcing its way into her head. "And he did?"

"Yup."

"When?"

"Last week."

"Last week?" she blurted out before stopping and shutting her eyes, bowing her head. "Okay… Okay, yeah, that's… that's good, right?" Maya took a breath before looking back at him. "That he came to you, that he… felt he could…" she went on, like she was trying to convince herself at the same time.

"Absolutely," Lucas bit back a laugh, not so much at her but at the memory of Sam and how his face hadn't looked so different from his big sister's when he'd come to him.

"And you… you helped him out with all that?" Maya asked, making a gesture he took to mean 'all the things I don't know how to say out loud when they have to do with my little brother.' Lucas simply nodded, sparing her any more material. "Great… great…" she told him, then herself. "Last week," she repeated quietly, trying not to think back on the last few days like there might have been a moment when her brother might have said or done anything to suggest he… and Cecilia…

"Hey, they're here!" Sam's voice seemed to come out of nowhere, which made Maya jump, only to look up along with Lucas to see the boy looking down from the open attic window.

"Okay!" Maya called back, unnecessarily loud. After the window was shut again, she huffed, letting her head thump against Lucas' chest.

"You wanted to know…" he reminded, receiving a muffled groan in reply, followed by what sounded like 'wash my brain out please.'

It had been something of a gamble whether or not their idea to call on Maeve's Carter would pan out in any way that led to their studio off the ground – or in the ground – but it was an existing connection… sort of… and they had to try. In the end, it had been just the thing to do, setting things in motion for them. They wanted to get the studio up and running before July, which meant they couldn't waste any time. Maya had done her best to sketch out a general idea for the size and layout of the building, and bit by bit they turned into a proper blueprint, got everything settled to bring them to this moment, the start of the construction. Today was the beginning.

Along with the small crew who would be getting to work around the back of the house, Carter came around, accompanied by Maeve. To see them together, it might have been easy to presume that the two of them were a couple, preparing for the birth of their child, which had to be called imminent if anyone took a look at Maeve. Carter was very careful and attentive with her, always, and it could be seen how the two of them might have hit it off, the one night they had been together, the night which led to this baby. But Maeve had not meant for this, and if this had been anyone else she might not have been so lucky as to have this guy be her baby's father. It made things complicated for her, how could it not? His attentiveness almost made things worse, made her feel like she must have been bad by comparison, for not wanting this little girl growing in her belly. She'd told as much to Lucas and Maya, one day when she and Carter had been over a couple weeks past.

No matter what they told her, that she was a caring person, that she most absolutely was a good person and her not wanting to be a mother didn't negate that, they knew they would not convince her of it. She had to believe it for herself. All they could do was be there and hope she came to that conclusion herself.

"Are you sure this is a good place for you to be right now?" Lucas greeted her with a smile today.

"Back's been killing me all morning. Carter thinks it means the baby's coming. I think it means I'm almost eight months pregnant and my bed sucks," Maeve told him with a frown. "He was going to cancel coming here today but I said he couldn't do that, so the compromise is I'm here and if this kid decides she wants out now, he can be there. I'll just sit in there if that's alright?" she pointed to the front door.

"Sure, here," he went along with his co-worker, walked her into the house and got her settled on the couch before moving into the kitchen to get her something to drink.

"He wants to buy me a new bed, got that whole 'I got you knocked up' guilt going, but it's not… It was fine before, and it'll be again… Everything back to normal," she hummed, looking to her hand going over her belly. "It's supposed to be a good thing, you know? When I do this…"

"Makes sense," Lucas nodded, unsure what else to tell her. After a beat, she looked up at him.

"I… I want to call her… Erin," she revealed, and the way she said it, pausing afterward, he had a feeling this was the first time she'd said this out loud. In that pause, it was like she was letting the sound settle, to see if it felt right.

"Good name," Lucas finally declared with a nod.

"Lucas, I don't know what to do," Maeve looked up at him, and as rattled as she had been by this unplanned pregnancy, he had never seen her so scared.

"Did you change your mind?" he asked, sitting next to her.

"No, no, I…" Maeve shook her head, took a sip from her glass. "Except…" she started again, but this was not working any better. "It was a lot easier for this to be just… cut and dry, in the beginning, when she was so small I could barely tell she was there. But now… Now she's bigger, and I feel her when she moves, and kicks… She kicks so much…" Maeve laughed, running her hand over her belly. "Carter, he's going to be a great dad, the kind she deserves, but… Look, I know that plenty of kids out there get raised by single parents and they turn out fine, but… She should have two parents there for her if she can, shouldn't she? The only reason she won't is because of me, because I… can't… I can't be that for her."

He didn't know what to tell her. He agreed, if that baby could have two parents, that would be great, but what were they supposed to do if that other one wouldn't be her? Maeve had to be asking herself that same question, and she reached a solution before he did.

"Can you help me?" Maeve asked him, and he looked at her, no idea what she meant. "To find her a mom?" Maeve went on, nodding down to herself.

"Find…" Lucas hesitated, pointing out to the back of the house like 'shouldn't that be Carter's choice?'

"Right now the only girl he cares about is inside me. Unless we put this hypothetical woman in his path, it won't be any use."

"So, you want to find a woman who will be up for dating a guy with a newborn baby?" Lucas asked. Maeve hesitated.

"Well when you say it like that…"

"Tell you what, I'll keep a lookout, alright?" She sighed, nodded. "Alright, I'll go see how it's going back there."

"Your couch is more comfortable than my bed," Maeve called after him as he went.

"Naps are free," he called back.

By the time he had gone back to find Maya, Sam had come down from the attic, and he dashed to catch up with his brother.

"You know what would be funny? If we put a zipline from the attic to the studio," Sam smirked.

"I told Maya about the errand you sent me on last week," Lucas told him, and he almost tripped over his own feet.

"Y-You did? What'd she say? Was she upset? Angry?" Sam asked, looking half ready to pack his bags and hightail it back to Tucson like he'd rather deal with his mother than his big sister.

"It's not like that, relax," Lucas tapped his shoulder. "It's just…" he paused, not so keen on the example either, "How are you going to feel when it's Cara, or Eliza, and they…"

"Woah, woah!" Sam had a whole-body cringe, but then, "Right, that's fair," he looked aside rather than meet his brother's eyes.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners