Prompt: Peeta and Effie talk during the Victory Tour about his engagement to Katniss. He might be having doubts and she notices. Maybe, he discovers that Effie was engaged a couple of times, but has never gotten married. He then proceeds to asks her why she isn't married. Perhaps, she answers that Capitol citizens are not allowed to marry District citizens. Just a moment between Peeta and Effie because I love the way you write their dynamic and I think they are underappreciated.
People Like Us
Dinner was a bleak affair despite Effie, Cinna and Portia's attempts at keeping up a lively conversation but, despite his best intentions, Peeta couldn't bring himself to make an effort.
He had proposed to Katniss that afternoon. In front of the whole country. And she had beamed and said yes and it would have been the best day of his life if any of it had been genuine…
He couldn't meet her eyes over the table. She had been tossing him looks all evening – looks that varied between wariness and pity – and he had been avoiding her gaze ever since he had sat down to eat. Today was the perfect embodiment of what this Tour of hell had been: stressful, painful and fake.
He forced himself to finish his crème brûlée and didn't even crack a smile when Haymitch dipped something into his glass of wine and was subsequently lectured within an inch of his life by Effie. He suspected it was for his own benefit, because that kind of scene usually amused him, but he couldn't even pretend to be interested in their antics right then.
When everyone had finished their desserts, he was the first one on his feet, declining Cinna's tentative suggestion they all took drinks in the living-room. He pretended he didn't see the look Haymitch and Effie shared or the discreet jerk of their mentor's chin when he left the room.
He knew it would only be a matter of time before their escort took off after him. It seemed to be the norm on this Tour. When Katniss was upset, Haymitch comforted her. When he was upset, their mentor sent Effie. Peeta didn't quite know if it was because he cared more for Katniss or because he knew Effie was more likely to understand him than he was.
That didn't mean he wanted to listen to Effie's optimistic prattle right then. He wanted to be allowed to wallow a little, which was why he headed straight to the roof. He didn't think anyone else ever went up there except for him and Katniss.
He passed the empty part of the roof near the door, where it was all concrete, and went to the small garden on the other side of the building with its chimes and its exotic plants. He sat down between two potted trees and bowed his head, letting the whole weight of the day finally descend on his nape.
Getting married had been Katniss' idea. He would never have forced her into something she didn't want. Clearly, she didn't have the same problem.
The clicking of heels had him looking up with slightly blurry eyes.
Effie was wearing a golden dress that day and even in the relative darkness of the roof – the Capitol never slept, beams of colorful lights shot up toward the sky everywhere, making the night less dark than it would have been back home – she shone like a disco ball.
It had taken her less time to find him than he had thought it would.
She looked around the bare side of the roof first, even though it was obvious he wasn't there, and touched a particular spot on the low hip-height wall as if through the force of habit. Then, she turned and headed straight for the garden. It didn't take her long to spot him.
"Here you are, dear!" she exclaimed, in her high-pitched cheerful voice. "I was wondering where you had disappeared to."
He hadn't been gone long enough for her to wonder, he wanted to point out, but he also didn't want to upset her because it wasn't her fault they were in this mess to begin with. Well… She had reaped them but… Holding that sort of grudges would have been pointless. If she hadn't, another escort would have. And Effie had always done her best to help them. He knew Katniss didn't share the sentiment but he liked her. He had liked her from the very first day.
He watched her look around with pursed lips for a clean place to sit and then resolve herself to imitate him and lower herself directly on the ground between two plants. He took pity on her and offered his jacket. She took it with a grateful smile and a heartfelt word of thanks. Once she had the jacket spread to her satisfaction, it was still a matter of sitting down in that tight short dress without incidents. It took her at least three good minutes to finally sit down with her legs folded on one side of her like the mermaid in the old fairytale book he used to keep under his bed.
"I just wanted some fresh air." he lied.
"Of course." she granted without a blink, even though she probably knew it wasn't the whole truth. "It was a big, big, big day for you!"
Katniss found the way she talked annoying – so did Haymitch for that matter – but he found it funny. Endearing in a way. Then again, it was Effie who had been there when he had woken up in the Clinic after his Games. It was Effie who had told him about the leg. It was Effie who had held him while he had cried like a child, forgetting for once to drown his ears with optimistic platitudes. She had promised him she would find him the best prosthetic though and she had delivered. He liked Effie because he knew the smiles came easily to her but that didn't mean the smiles summed her up. She had layers. Katniss couldn't see them but he could. He was good at spotting layers. They revealed themselves when he sketched people. It was all in a crease on the forehead or a line at the corner of a mouth.
"It was all exquisite." she continued when he didn't fulfill his part of the conversation. "Why, when you went down to one knee…" With difficulties because it had been his bad leg and if Caesar hadn't helped him back up he might still be kneeling there on that stage… "I thought I would cry! And Katniss did look so happy…" She let out a soft sigh. "And the ring, of course… And I am not saying this because I did the preselecting, naturally…"
Her chuckles were light and easy, as if she had just made the best joke.
The selection of the ring had happened right before they had introduced Katniss on stage. A two-hours special event. There had been two cases full of dozens of diamonds, sapphires and other precious stones he didn't have a word for. Twenty rings of various sizes and shapes in all…
He wasn't surprised she was the one who had picked them out. He couldn't see Haymitch bothering with that kind of details.
He had picked the biggest one just because it was the biggest one, knowing all the while Katniss would hate it. He had told himself it wasn't to be petty and that it didn't matter because there wasn't one ring in those cases she wouldn't hate anyway but maybe he had done it a little on purpose too.
We should get married. If we're on this train forever it will happen eventually. Why not now?
"Sure." he answered because everything else he could have said would have been rude.
Her carefully painted face fell a little. Not for the first time, he wondered what she really looked like underneath the make-up that kept her features so rigid.
"Peeta…" Her voice was softer, a little less hyped, but he didn't want her pity. He got enough pity from everyone else.
"Why did you never get married?" he asked. "Earlier, you said you've been engaged three times."
He hadn't really been listening to her stories before dinner. He had been waiting for Haymitch to come back to the penthouse so the evening could end and he could finally be left alone. But Effie had been telling stories of her own engagements to Portia and the two of them had been laughing about them…
"Oh, it never really worked out." she dismissed with a graceful wave of her hand.
"But you accepted the proposals." he argued. "That's pretty serious to realize you didn't want to get married after all."
She watched him for a moment with her usual expression of perfect contentment on her face and he had the odd feeling she was debating what to answer. In the end, she averted her eyes.
"For a woman like me… Certain expectations come with marriage." she explained finally. "In my social circle, that means being a devoted wife to my husband. A trophy wife, if you want to be cruder." She sighed. "Haymitch is never shy when it comes to telling me I am a shallow and selfish person who lives a shallow and selfish life… But, Peeta, I worked really hard to build this life. I built an empire around my looks. My name is a brand, the dresses I wear, the shoes I promote, the way I style my wigs… It is not just about appearances and optics. It earns me money. A lot of money. And that gave me an independence I would be expected to surrender to a husband." She flashed him a sad smile. "As shallow and selfish as you all may find my life, I am attached to it."
That was… a lot more honesty than he had expected from Effie. And it betrayed a lot more brains than she usually displayed too.
But he wasn't surprised.
Katniss always said her suggestions were ridiculous and stupid but he gave her more credit than that. Even Haymitch, for all his open dislike, listened to her sometimes.
"And you never found anyone worth giving it up for?" he insisted, feeling sad for her because that meant she had never really been in love before.
"Oh, a few." She laughed. "But I learned. There are people in this life who will stop at nothing to use you, dear. Romance is a lovely concept at your age but, at mine, one has learned to be wary." She played with a loose sequin on her dress, carefully tearing it out before smoothing the area to make sure it wasn't discernible. "There is only one man I would have given everything up for… I still would, I believe, if he asked. But he will never ask and it is all a moot point. I suppose I will get married to someone eventually. Once I am done being an escort and I cannot capitalize on my looks anymore…" She laughed again, a little less freely. "But do not listen to me! Today is a day for celebration! Katniss said yes, after all!"
There was something almost manic to her smile, as if it was forced. Peeta looked up at the night sky with a sigh. He couldn't spot one single star. There were too many clouds and too many beams of lights in all the colors of the rainbow.
"It's not how I wanted it." he confessed. "I wanted…"
He had wanted her to want it. He had pictured it. A thousand times, he had pictured it. Asking her. Her saying yes. It was supposed to be special and that had been spoiled now. Wasted. Like the kisses she planted on his lips without feelings, a mechanical display of affection for public consumption. Everything that was supposed to be special had turned to ash.
"I know, dear." she said gently and he wondered if she did know. Haymitch hadn't made it clear and Effie was never present when they had the planning sessions. Sure, she often told them they didn't act in love enough or she made suggestions about how Peeta should hold Katniss' hand or how Katniss should rest her head against his shoulder… But maybe that was just about PR.
"Do you?" he asked and it wasn't entirely rhetorical.
Layers. The Capitol was all in layers. The conversation you were having on the surface was never the one you were really having.
Did Effie know about the danger they were in? Had she known before him? Had she known from the start? Had Haymitch told her or had she realized the moment Katniss had told him to trust her and eat the berries? Did she know the love story was a sham? Had she known when she had sat on the edge of his hospital bed and held him while he fell apart about his missing leg?
Everyone was lying to him, hiding things from him. Everyone…
"It is hard to love someone like Katniss." she hummed and her voice had lost the cheerful edge, she sounded more like a normal person now. She had tilted her head back to look at the sky like he had a minute earlier and the city lights tossed odd shifting shadows on her face. "Not only because they are difficult and often impossible but because they refused to be loved. Perhaps they feel they do not deserve it, perhaps they think they are protecting themselves and you at the same time, perhaps they simply believe they cannot love anymore. It is an everyday fight to love them despite themselves. There are no rewards, no benefits, no happiness in it aside from the very rare moments when they let their guard down and you think perhaps now will be the time they will finally let themselves love you back… But it never is, is it?" She kept her eyes firmly on the sky. "And yet we love them anyway. Because that is what people like you and I do. They will never realize just how painful it is and we will never tell them because it would hurt them to know and hurting them is the last thing we want." Her blue eyes slowly came back to him. "We can only hope one day they realize we have been here all along, Peeta."
The next second seemed to last forever. There was so much pain on her face… The same pain he felt in his chest.
But then she blinked and the smile was back and the pain was gone. "We should head back down, I think. They might send search parties soon."
It was only half a joke and he wondered if the time they spent on the roof was monitored. He was pretty sure between the chimes and the wind it was a safe place to talk. Of course the Capitol would think they were conspiring.
He had to help her get back on her feet, it was too difficult for her to do it by herself with the heels and the dress. She laughed it off like, he suspected, she laughed a lot off.
"The one man you would have given everything up for…" he hesitated just as they were reaching the door. "You wouldn't be allowed to marry him even if he did ask, right?"
There was only one man he knew who was so like Katniss it was uncanny sometimes.
"He would never ask even if he could." she answered. "He buried any idea of that kind of life a long time ago." She placed a hand on her shoulder. "I do not need to tell you this is a subject that should only be discussed here on the roof, do I? Actually, it would probably be better if that particular subject was never discussed again. He would be furious and it was not clever of me to… allude to it."
"Yeah." He nodded. "Of course. You can trust me."
She smiled a genuine fond smile. "I know, dear, and I do."
Peeta felt a little lighter when they joined the others in the living-room. It helped to know he wasn't the only one who wasn't happy with the cards life had dealt him.
He answered Katniss' questioning look with a small smile and sat next to her on the couch, accepting the glass of juice Effie offered to pour him. Haymitch asked her for a refill of his whiskey and held out his glass for her to take. Peeta only noticed because he was watching. The way their fingers brushed on the glass, the fact that he held her gaze a little longer than necessary… The whole conversation they were having in one second exchange…
He wasn't sure which one from Effie or him had the worst end of the stick.
He could be with Katniss all the time but he knew she didn't love him back.
Effie couldn't only be with Haymitch a few months a year but Peeta was pretty sure that he loved her back. Even if he didn't want to admit it to himself.
It was all in the way Haymitch watched her when she had stopped looking…