"Toxic"
A/N: Chugging along. I forgot it was Saturday and didn't go through and edit/revise this chapter, so sorry if it there's some mistakes in there lol.
Warning: Mentions of abuse in Udon's POV
~Let this moment be the first chapter
Where you decide to stay
And I could be enough
And we could be enough~
Udon Chang, 16
1 Day ago.
Udon was bored out of his mind. The Justice Building was closed for the day in preparation for the Reaping, and that left Udon without a single thing to distract himself with. The work there was boring, paperwork and a whole lot of sitting around and waiting, but at least there he had Cindy to shoot the shit with. He felt like she was the one person he could be honest and open with, even if that honesty came through sarcastic quips rather than heartfelt conversations. That was much more Udon's style, anyways.
But Cindy had the day off, and was probably spending it with his dad. As much as he liked Cindy, and as much as he knew that her intentions were his money and not his company, that still stung a bit. The gap where his mom had once been felt more noticeable, especially when his dad seemed to have forgotten his wife had ever existed. He was out of the house though, so there was at least that to be thankful for. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep up a nice, pleasant masquerade around him. Nick was starting to almost seem proud of his son, and nothing could disgust Udon more than the thought of that.
Cherry was gone too, his older sister off halfway across the district with some rich factory owner that had become her husband. One of his dad's main benefactors, as far as Udon could tell. What a deal it was for him, he got a steady flow of money to run his campaigns to stay mayor, and all it cost him was his daughter who he never showed affection for anyways. Now it was just him and Udon, and the pressure of that constantly tightening grasp made Udon feel like he was on the verge of cracking at any given moment.
He walked through the family living room and took his time, running his hand along the wall. The room hadn't been put to use for a long time. Udon and Nick were hardly a family, and neither had much time to waste, certainly not with one another. It was like the room was a photograph, hung in perfect stillness, capturing a time before life had turned sour.
Udon crouched down, and a slight smile slipped in place as he dusted off the old video game system that lay in disuse next to the television. It was a relic of the first few years of Nick's term as mayor, when the simple farm family suddenly were thrown into a world of Capitol luxuries. The games were old, cheap, uninteresting ones that the Capitol had discarded and shipped off to the fortunate few in the district who could afford it, but for eight-year-old Udon it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen.
Memories flooded his senses. Sitting on the couch in between Cherry and his mom, a controller in his hands while the scent of freshly made popcorn filled the air. He remembered laughing, and not having to force his smiles. Udon set the controller down, he didn't want to think about that now. That image of a happy family warmed his heart, which only made it sting that much more when he remembered it had been taken from him. That Nick was the one who had stolen it away.
The politics, the wealth, the connections, all of it had changed him. Udon couldn't remember life before the mayor office, but his mom did. She saw who her husband had become. He wondered sometimes if she saw him changing too, the way that he and Cherry had morphed into different versions of themselves. Adapt and survive, that was one of Nick's mottos. Cherry had certainly adopted it with her husband. Had Udon too?
No, of course not. He shook away the thought. For as long as he needed to he would pretend to be the son Nick wanted, but that didn't mean he was actually changing. They could blame rebels for his mom's death, they could even see that it was a suicide and say she took her own life, but Udon knew the truth. Nick had killed her. What he had done to her when she tried to take him and Cherry away, that was what killed her. He refused to believe otherwise. Even if it was her hands on the knife, it was still Nick in the background, pulling the strings.
Udon swore to himself that Nick would pay for that. Somehow, someday, there would be an opportunity, and he would return the favor. Where he once dreamed of a future, now it was a single moment that lingered in his thoughts. He wanted Nick to die, no, not just die, suffer. The same way that he made his mom suffer, and Cherry. He had torn apart their family, taken his mom away from him, and forced him to put on a charade. There was nothing left that Udon wanted but to see him hurt the way that he did.
The bruises from his beatings may have healed. The abusive digs and insults may have faded out of memory. They may have stopped, a more calm, less-concerned front put up in its place. But some things scarred over.
Udon felt his fists clenching. He drove his fists into the couch, not wanting to break anything, not in that room. He beat down on the cushion until he could contain himself enough to break away. His breath was coming through gritted teeth, and phantom pain covered his body from head to toe. Nick would feel all of it. Every hit, every bruise. Every insult, every derogatory remark. Every time he had torn their family apart. He would feel it all, and he would know it was Udon who made him hurt this time, instead of the other way around.
It wouldn't be soon enough, though. Nick was off writing the speech for the Reaping, complete with a boast of how District Eight was now one of only four districts to still have a living victor. Never mind that had nothing to do with him. It was enough apparently, to have him as a lock to secure three more years of leadership. Three more years of him being untouchable. Udon would be nineteen by then, out of the house, out in the world. He would just be a nobody, owing any connections or wealth or power to Nick and Nick only. That couldn't be the way he lived.
His mind flickered to the Reaping tomorrow. If he wanted that could be an option. If he were a victor he'd have even more power, more wealth, more fame than even his dad did. But no, he didn't want to die. Victor wasn't a very safe occupation anyways. He would find some other way.
There were still two and a half years left that he would be locked in a house together with Nick. Two and a half more years of playing that fake role of the son who was walking in his father's footsteps. Two and a half more years to suffer for the opportunity to make all the pain turn back around on its source.
Udon would make him pay.
Inesa Hugo, 18
1 Month ago.
Unusual anxieties fluttered about Inesa's insides. She was used to feeling unstoppable, in control of both other's emotions and her own. The last few months it felt like that control was slipping out of reach. She craved that simplicity that she had lost.
It had seemed like a fairy-tale at first. Erasmus was everything that had been missing from her life ever since she could remember. Love. Real love. Not the disconnected and passionless marriage of her parents, but something real and full of fire. But fire was dangerous, and Inesa had gotten burned. And now, instead of pulling back, she was holding her hand over the flames, daring the licks of fire to burn her again. Trusting in something that was seemingly impossible to control.
If she was who she thought of herself as- strategic, thoughtful, charismatic and full of confidence because she always got what she wanted- then she would stop wasting her time with him. But if Erasmus was that dangerous flame, then Inesa was a moth, inexplicably drawn to him.
She wondered what Medea would say to her if her sister found out that the man Inesa had fallen for was a married man. Medea was the only person whose opinion would matter to Inesa, and that was coincidentally the most likely reason Inesa hadn't told her only sibling that piece of information just yet.
Inesa was exhausted of it all. She was barely able to keep up a charming front as she walked through the district. She smiled and sweetly exchanged kind words with shopkeepers and 'friends' as she passed by them on the way to Erasmus's. Her mind still swirled with possibilities, though, all of them focused on that burning fire that she kept crawling back to. No matter how many times he refused to give up his wife and choose Inesa. No matter how many times he refused to stay. Still she kept coming back.
Calling it an addiction wouldn't be right. Because it wasn't some physical gravitation that pulled her tightly to something that she knew only harmed her. It went deeper than that. She had lived a childhood where love was just a foreign concept, some meaningless abstraction. Her parents worked all hours of the day, one during the day and the other during the night so that they could avoid each other. They held no love towards each other, and if they held any towards Inesa and Medea they didn't know how to show it. No matter how much her mom showered Inesa in gifts, that couldn't replace that thing that had always been absent from her life.
And there it was. That missing piece, so impossible yet right in her reach. It almost seemed too perfect, and as it happened to turn out, it was. It took her a few months to know that she wasn't the only woman in Erasmus's life. Or the first for that matter. That had been the worst day of her life, and yet she had pushed through it. She was so close to happiness, a type of joy that her parents had never known. All Erasmus had to do was leave his wife and be with her. He would realize that Inesa was all that he wanted. She just had to wait.
She only had to wait. The minutes were passing by, Inesa sitting in the two's secret meeting place, anxious for Erasmus to appear. It seemed like she was seeing him less and less, like he was slipping away. They weren't even meeting at his home anymore, their meetings relegated to stolen moments in quiet places of the district and nights beneath her bed sheets that passed by far too quickly.
When he finally did arrive, he came empty-handed. None of the flowers combined with charming smiles and sweet words that had made Inesa fall for him those first few blissful weeks. His hands were in his pockets, a bored expression as he dipped into the quiet part of the forested park that he had told her to meet him at.
"Where have you been? I've been waiting for you." She tried to pass the words off as teasing, uncaring and flirtatious, maybe just a bit eager. Instead, she heard the sound of desperation, of fear and uncertainty, and attachment that couldn't be met.
He blew a raspberry, shrugging. "I was busy," he said, and nothing else was offered. No excuses, no apologies or sincerity.
"So," she said, bouncing up and down on her heels as her fingers tangled around her hair. "You wanted to meet me here?" Her voice raised an octave, a hopeful lilt in her voice as she smiled at him sweetly.
"Yeah, you free tomorrow?" He asked nonchalantly.
"Yes," she said, allowing herself to feel a bit of optimism.
"Cool, I'll stop by your place tomorrow night then. Sometime around six or seven, I'll have to leave by nine." The words came out from his mouth like they were nothing. Like he was scheduling an appointment with his doctor, or setting up a meeting with a classmate to work on a project.
"Oh," she said, biting her lip. "I just thought that we could maybe spend the day together. It's been a while." She said quietly.
"Yeah, well, I'm just real busy, you know," he said. His eyes darted away, his feet shuffling away from Inesa, posturing to turn and walk away.
She stepped forward, her heart skipping a beat. She wouldn't let him continue to slip away. He couldn't slip away. "Well, why don't we meet up somewhere to grab dinner then? Maybe go for a walk through the park afterwards? We haven't been out in so long. Together." The words stung as they pushed through her lips. Together. That was what Erasmus and another woman were. But not Inesa. She was the piece that didn't belong to the puzzle, attempting to push herself into a finished picture that had already been painted without her.
"I can't do that." He sighed, frustration evident as he started to turn away. "Just, I'll see you tomorrow at your place, okay?"
"Why?" She demanded, her voice rising to a shrill yell, her anxiety and anger boiling over. "Why can you never make time for me? I thought that it was supposed to just be us."
"Well, it isn't just us, and you know that," he spat out. He dragged a hand down his face, letting out a sigh. "You wanna know why I don't have time for you lately, is that it?"
"Yes," she cried out.
"Because my wife is pregnant!" He shouted at her in a hushed tone. She fell quiet, dropping off her toes and down to the balls of her feet. It felt like an invisible hand had taken hold of her throat, squeezing tight.
Her words barely come out in a whimper. "What?"
"She has been for three months," he said. He took a deep breath, straightening out his jacket. "I don't have time for you right now, okay? I'll see you whenever I can, but I have other priorities."
The dagger twisted. She felt her breath leave her lungs. He turned to walk away, and she fell forward, scrambling as she grabbed onto his arm. Inesa clung onto the sleeve of his jacket, holding tight onto her lifeline. The life she had planned out, that world of love that Erasmus had shown her was suddenly being ripped away from her. But she wouldn't let go. She couldn't let go.
"You can't go back." She sobbed. "Don't go."
He yanked away, but she held onto his arm, dragged down onto her knees as tears pooled up in her eyes. "What do you want me to do?" He demanded.
"Leave her," she begged him. "Stay with me. It doesn't have to be complicated. We don't have to be like this. It can just be me and you." She wiped at her eye, forcing a smile as she looked up at the face that she had fallen in love with. Her future. Her everything. This was where their story turned around. The moment that he decided not to leave. "Please," she whispered. "Stay."
He pulled harder, tearing away from her and stepping back. His eyes fluttered away, and tears streamed down her eyes as she watched that moment shatter in front of her.
"I've gotta go," he said, not a drop of emotion in his voice. Erasmus turned and walked away, and left Inesa on her knees, arms outstretched, holding a hand that had been ripped away from her.
A/N: Thank you to Dreamer and AlexFalTon for Inesa and Udon! I really love both of them and look forward to writing the D8 dynamics in the future. There's now only one final intro left, so yay for that! I've already finished up the train rides and am into the Capitol, so hopefully we can keep these consistent updates going! See y'all next time in D2!