Year 3: Not Quite Right

Chapter 25: January 2018

The holidays were a welcome break, but as usual they passed in the blink of an eye and all too soon Louis was back at Hogwarts. And now, he didn't have just the Slytherins to worry about, but also his upcoming date with Julia.

When they'd originally set the date, January had seemed so far away. Now it was upon them and Louis found that he was extremely nervous.

What was he supposed to do with her? What was he supposed to say? Would she expect more from him now that it was technically their second date?

Louis had no idea what he was supposed to do and Justin was no help, as all he ever did these days was mope around about Dominique. So, Louis sought out someone else he could talk to. Someone that Louis had only recently come to know, but had quickly realized was more than happy to talk about anything and everything.

At the end of their first week back of classes, Louis made his way across the grounds to the now familiar cabin that sat on the edge of the forest. Hagrid was out front fiddling with his crossbow when Louis arrived, and Louis cleared his throat to draw attention to himself.

"Oh, Louis, I didn't see yeh there," Hagrid said upon noticing him. "Yeh here ter talk more abou' magical creatures?"

Louis shook his head. "Actually, I had something else I wanted to ask your advice about," he said.

Louis watched as Hagrid's face lit up, even more so than when he lectured Louis and Justin about magical creatures.

"Jus' a mo'," Hagrid said eagerly, putting down the crossbow and hurrying to open his front door. "Let's have a cuppa and talk."

It didn't take long to make the tea, and then Louis and Hagrid sat down at the table opposite one another as Louis played with an errant strand of thread coming out of his sleeve.

"So what was it yeh wanted ter talk about?" Hagrid inquired.

"Well…" Louis said hesitantly. It was even uncomfortable to talk about out loud. "A while back, I told Justin that I had a crush on this girl in our year, Julia Arnold."

"Ah, young love," Hagrid said almost wistfully.

"Right…" Louis muttered. "Anyway, it was a lie. I only said it because Justin wouldn't shut up about how I must like someone and he was going to pester me until I told."

"And now yer feelin' guilty abou' lyin'?" Hagrid questioned.

"Well yes," Louis agreed. "But there's more. After I lied, I thought that would be the end of it, but Justin set me up on a date with her without telling me. It was before the holidays. And we went out, and it was fine, but I'm still not interested. Only I accidentally told her I'd go out with her again, and we're supposed to go to Hogsmeade together next weekend."

Hagrid waited a beat before answering as he absorbed all of the information he'd just been fed.

"So now yer tryin' the figure out how the let 'er down easy?" Hagrid inquired.

"Exactly," Louis agreed. "I mean, I don't want to accidentally agree to go out with her again! I don't want to lead her on."

"Yeh know, this reminds me of a time back in the day when yer Uncle Ron was dating this girl named Lavender Brown," Hagrid said wisely. "She had herself wrapped around him tight, and it was hard getting her to let go."

But Louis didn't want to hear about his Uncle Ron and his girl troubles from back before he'd fallen for his Aunt Hermione. Louis needed actual practical advice.

"That's great," he muttered. "But what do I do about Julia?"

"When yer Uncle Ron was stuck, he jus' ignored Lavender until she got fed up," Hagrid replied. "Actually, I think they got in a fight in the end. She saw him with Hermione and got upset."

"So you're saying I should ignore Julia and hang around with other girls?" Louis surmised with a frown.

Hagrid thought about it for a moment.

"Maybe tha's not the best course o' action," Hagrid agreed. "Yeh say this is on'y yer second date?"

Louis nodded. "And I don't know what I'm supposed to do with her either," he confessed. "I mean, it would be rude not to go on the date now that it's set, but there's nothing left to do. We've already been to all the shops in Hogsmeade."

"There's always Madam Puddifoot's," Hagrid recommended. He looked at Louis and then thought better of it. "Then again, tha's more fer serious couples. Might send the wrong message if yeh took her there."

Louis nodded in agreement. Besides, even if he were interested in Julia, he certainly ready for something as intimate as Madam Puddifoot's. He knew what people went there for.

"Jus' ask her what she wants to do," Hagrid finally suggested. "Give her a nice afternoon, and then tell her yer not lookin' fer a relationship right now."

"Not looking for a relationship," Louis nodded. "Yeah, I can do that." It wouldn't insult Julia as a person, which was something he didn't want to do. And it was believable, since Justin had been the one to set the two of them up in the first place. "Thanks Hagrid."

"O' course," Hagrid beamed. "You can come to old Hagrid with yer problems anytime."

LlLlLlLlLlL

All too soon, it was the morning of Louis' date and he was panicking. At least last time it had been a surprise and he hadn't been able to worry or stress about it. Today Louis was all worry and stress.

"Calm down," Justin groaned from where he lay in his bed, refusing to go to Hogsmeade on his own if it would only mean watching Dominique and William parade around together. "It's going to be fine. She already likes you, so there's nothing to worry about."

Except that there was plenty to worry about. What if Julia wouldn't take no for an answer? What if the past two months had caused her to become emotionally invested? What if she got upset and cried? This was all just so much more than Louis had ever wanted to get himself into.

This time he met Julia in the Entrance Hall so that they could walk down to the village together. At least this part he could do. He knew that at the very least, he and Julia got along well enough to make conversation, and the walk down would kill a good hour of activity time he needed to fill.

As they made their way down to the village, Louis asked Julia about her holidays, and in turn she inquired about his. Julia was the youngest in her family with one older sister and one older brother. Her sister, Beverly, was in sixth year and her brother, Grant, was in fifth year just like Louis' sister Dominique. As they were both the youngest of three, Louis and Julia were able to bond over being the babies of their respective families and the hour flew by.

Once in the village, Julia immediately suggested they grab a butterbeer. Now that it was January, it was quite cold out and they both could use something warm for their bellies.

"So you're a member of the astronomy club?" Julia inquired as they sipped their drinks.

"Yep," Louis nodded, conscious of the fact that to most, being a member of the astronomy club made him kind of a geek. "I know it's not the coolest thing to be a part of, but I enjoy it."

"No, I think it's cool," Julia admitted. "I mean, our astronomy classes are always fun. And you get to be awake in the middle of the night."

"Maybe you should come to a meeting sometime," Louis suggested.

"Maybe I will," Julia said.

Louis almost spat out his drink when she said that. He hadn't actually thought that she would go for it. He'd only said it because he'd assumed that she wouldn't be interested.

"Sorry, what?" he asked, looking for clarification.

Julia shrugged. "I don't know, it could be fun," she said. "Especially if you're there."

Crap, Louis thought to himself. This was going to be harder than he'd thought. She was already talking about joining clubs with him. Louis knew her interest didn't lie in the astronomy club, but in spending time with him.

"What about you?" he asked, trying to change the subject. "Are you in any clubs or groups?"

"I'm in the choir," Julia informed him, catching Louis by surprise. This was a fact he had not been aware of. "Why, are you thinking about joining?" she asked, seemingly only half joking.

Louis shook his head no. "Oh, I don't think that would be a good idea. I have a terrible voice."

"Maybe I can sing for you sometime," Julia offered.

Louis groaned inwardly at the comment, recognizing it for what it was.

"Well, I'm finished with my drink," he said letting go of the still half-full mug. "Shall we get going?"

"Oh, but I only just started – "

Louis didn't give Julia a chance to finish her sentence, grabbed her hand and pulling her up from her seat and away from the table towards the door. Obviously sitting and talking was not going to be the way to show Julia that he wasn't interested. Louis needed a new tactic.

"Let's go to Dervish and Banges," he suggested once they were out on the street.

On their last date, Louis had forgone Dervish and Banges in favor of doing what Julia wanted. But now he saw that the way forward was not to show Julia a nice day by doing what she wanted, but to show her a bad day by doing the things that he wanted to do. If she didn't enjoy herself, then maybe she would even be the one to say she didn't want to go out again.

Louis led Julia in the direction of the wizarding equipment shop, and upon entering, he made a beeline for the astronomy section. Just because he needed to make Julia miserable didn't mean he couldn't enjoy himself a little.

He began to poke around, looking at all the various telescopes and measuring instruments with the eye of someone who knew what he was looking at. Though he was only in his third year of classes, he'd been in the astronomy club since starting at Hogwarts, and his knowledge of astronomy far outranked any of his classmates, besides Justin of course.

"Ooh, look at these crystal balls," Julia's voice rang out from a few aisles down in the divination section of the store. "I wish divination was still offered at Hogwarts. I bet it would be so much fun."

Louis sighed and pretended he hadn't heard her as he looked over star charts and moon maps, impressed with the detail and elegance with which they'd been completed.

"Oh Louis, these mirrors are so beautiful," Julia continued to marvel. "The label says they're specifically designed for catoptromancy. Do you know what that is?"

Louis continued to remain silent and listened as the shopkeeper made his way over to Julia and began explaining about all the different methods of divination, including catoptromancy. Then he attempted to sell Julia a mirror, which she declined, stating that she should probably focus on the subjects that were actually taught at Hogwarts.

Eventually, Louis decided that Julia was having far too much fun looking at divination equipment and suggested that they leave the store and go elsewhere.

Julia readily agreed, and Louis led her outside and into the street again.

He had to choose their next destination quickly. He noticed that there weren't too many people out on the street since it was so cold, and a brilliant idea popped into his mind. He could take Julia to visit the shrieking shack! In the cold, it would be no fun at all, and she would be freezing cold by the end of it. It was perfect, he decided, since apparently Julia could find fun for herself in any shop.

He led Julia down to the end of the lane and past the last of the shops in the direction of the famed shack. Louis knew the true story of the shack, of course – that it had been built for his cousin Teddy's father when he'd been a student, to use during full moons as he'd been a werewolf. But most of the wizarding world still thought it was haunted.

As Louis and Julia approached the boundary of the land where a gate stopped them from going any further, Louis told Julia the story of Remus Lupin – at least the details he knew – figuring that Julia would be bored by his history lesson. Unfortunately, it seemed to have the opposite effect. Julia seemed quite intrigued by the tale and excited to know the truth of the shack that so few others knew.

After about half an hour of standing and looking at the dilapidated building, Louis decided that he'd wasted enough time and could probably get away with calling an end to the date. He turned to Julia and opened his mouth, but she beat him to it.

"This was really nice," she said.

"Oh yeah?" Louis asked, surprised and a little disappointed that he'd failed in his attempt to make the date a miserable time.

"Yeah," Julia confirmed. She took a step forward and Louis instinctually took a step back. Julia smiled. "I really enjoy spending time with you, Louis. And I hope you feel the same."

"Sure," Louis said. It wasn't a lie – he did enjoy spending time with Julia. She was fun and interesting and positive. He just wasn't interested in her the way he was supposed to be.

"Good," Julia said, taking another step closer.

And then, out of nowhere, Julia kissed him.

It was quick, just a nervous peck, after which Julia immediately pulled back and began to turn red. But Louis felt nothing. Less than nothing, Louis felt uncomfortable. But he couldn't tell a girl that had just kissed him that he was uncomfortable.

"Oh!" he said instead, caught off guard and unsure how to process his shock.

"I'm sorry," Julia said, abashedly. "I just wanted – "

"No, it's alright," Louis said, cursing himself for his inability to just make a clean break with this girl. "It was… nice."

"Yeah?" Julia asked, her eyes hopeful. "I thought so too."

This was all going wrong, Louis thought to himself. This was not at all how this was meant to play out. How could he tell her he didn't want to see her again after she'd kissed him? It would be cruel, heartless. He shouldn't have let it get to this point; Louis knew that now. He should have put a stop to things long ago, when he'd known he had no interest in Julia. Now it was too late. Just like his Uncle Ron had been with that girl Lavender, Louis was trapped.

LlLlLlLlLlL

"So how did it go?" Justin inquired when Louis returned to the dorm later.

Louis threw himself onto his bed dramatically. "Not great," he muttered.

"I thought you two were really hitting it off," Justin frowned. "What happened?"

"Oh, we hit it off," Louis confirmed. "She had a great time. In fact, we're officially dating now."

After their kiss, Julia had suggested to Louis that they start spending more time together and Louis had agreed, unwilling to hurt her feelings. Then she'd immediately hurried off, eager to tell her friends that she had a boyfriend now, and Louis had been left behind confused and surprised by the vocabulary.

"Well that's good news, isn't it?" Justin frowned.

Louis screamed into his pillow in frustration.

Everything was getting so out of control. Louis didn't know what to do. He liked Julia as a person, but had no interest in kissing her again, or holding her hand, or doing any of the things she was going to want to do. And the longer he let he do those things, the harder it was going to be to tell her he didn't want them anymore. He should have just told her in Hogsmeade, but he'd been too chicken. Louis knew he was a weakling – it was why the Slytherins could walk all over him. Now it was only confirmed even further.

LlLlLlLlLlL

Over the next few weeks, Louis only dug himself deeper and deeper into the hole. At first, he'd hoped that maybe his problem would go away by itself. But from the start, it was glaringly obvious that wasn't going to happen. Starting Monday morning, Julia started sitting with Louis in classes, joining him in the library to study, and sitting with him in the Great Hall for meals.

Justin thought it was brilliant, and gloated that he'd been the mastermind that had gotten the two of them together. Louis wondered if maybe he could force himself to like Julia. After all, she was fun to be around and to talk to. Maybe he could force a crush to develop and learn to love her. But after a few more attempts at kissing, Louis knew that there was nothing there on his end. He just didn't know what to do about it.

And so, he continued, stringing Julia along and hating himself for it, unable or unwilling to do anything about it. He was a coward. He knew that and he hated it.

And he wished he could go back to last year, when things were less complicated.