Year 3: Not Quite Right

Chapter 27: March 2018

True to her word, Julia didn't say anything to Professor Longbottom or any other professors about Louis and Justin's problems with the Slytherins in their year. However, she did continue to nag both Louis and Justin to do it themselves, which grew old very quickly, particularly with Justin.

"You have to break up with her," Justin declared one day.

"Excuse me?" Louis demanded, shocked and upset.

"If you break up with her, she'll forget about all this quicker," Justin explained. "She'll find some other guy to date and start worrying about his problems instead of yours."

"You're the one who wanted me to date her in the first place!" Louis cried in frustration. Everything he'd been put through these past few months had been Justin's fault and now he just wanted to take it all back?

"Look, I get that you like her," Justin said. "But – and I want you to think about this before you answer, and answer me honestly – do you really see yourself staying with her forever?"

"Of course not," Louis said immediately.

"Now don't rush – hold on," Justin paused. "Did you say no?"

"I did," Louis confirmed.

"Right," Justin said, shaking his head. "I thought that was going to be more difficult. But there you go, see? You're going to break up eventually and the sooner you do, the sooner she forgets about all this and we stop worrying about her telling someone."

"She's not going to tell anyone," Louis assured Justin. "She promised."

He wasn't sure why he was defending Julia. He'd never wanted to date her in the first place, and this was the perfect opportunity to break up with her for a perfectly legitimate reason. But he didn't want to break up with her just because Justin had told him to, especially when Justin's reasons were ridiculous. More likely Julia would go to the professors if he broke up with her, because she wouldn't owe Louis any more loyalty.

"You've heard her going on about it," Justin said. "She's not going to be satisfied for long if you and I don't do something."

"So I should just break her heart instead?" Louis countered.

"Oh please," Justin groaned. "She's fourteen. You're hardly going to break her heart."

Louis sighed. Everything had become so complicated. He wished he was still ten and playing on the beach at Shell Cottage.

LlLlLlLlLlL

Over the next few days, Louis mulled Justin's suggestion over in his head. The idea to break up with Julia was still on his mind, and he wondered if it might be for the best. He wasn't thinking it for the reasons Justin had suggested it, but wouldn't it be better to let Julia be free to find someone who actually liked her back rather than keep her in a relationship where he would never feel anything for her?

Then again, what if Louis just wasn't ready to love anyone yet, and when he was, he'd ruined his chances with Julia too soon? What if Julia was the right person for him and he was just too young and immature to realize it?

Louis had to sort things out. The longer things went on with Julia the more guilty he felt. Every time she held his hand, he felt self-conscious. Every time she kissed him, he felt like a fraud. When she tried to cuddle with him on the couch, he would become stiff as a board. He was pretty sure she knew something wasn't right, but she either liked him too much to say anything or simply didn't care.

"Come to astronomy club with me," Louis said one day in the library. It was just him and Julia as Justin had stayed behind after transfiguration class to go over a couple of concepts quickly with Professor Tonks one-on-one.

"Sorry?" Julia frowned, looking up from her history of magic essay.

"Astronomy club," Louis repeated. "I want you to come with me. Just the once."

Louis wasn't sure what it was he wanted from it, but he knew bringing Julia to astronomy club would help to clarify how he should proceed with her. Astronomy club was a big part of his life. If Julia was going to be too, the two had to be compatible at least.

"You know I'm not super great at astronomy," Julia reminded Louis. "I think it's cool that you're really into it, but – "

"You don't have to join the club or anything," Louis assured her. "Just come once. Meet everyone, see what it is we do."

Julia sighed. "Alright," she agreed. "Why not? But then you have to come to choir with me in return."

"I can't sing," Louis said with a frown. "What would I do?"

"Observe," Julia declared. "I mean, it's not like I'm going to be participating at astronomy club. This way we're even."

"Alright," Louis agreed, mostly because he figured going to choir with Julia and listening to her sing would at least help him to figure out whether he liked her or not.

As it so happened, there was a choir practice later that evening. Julia declared the timing kismet and insisted that Louis join her that very night. So, after dinner, Louis watched with envy as Justin returned to the common room and he followed Julia to the third-floor choir room.

There were more people there than Louis would have expected. About a dozen students were already milling about when Louis and Julia arrived, and more were still on their way.

Julia led Louis over to a group of four girls clustered on one side of the room. "Louis, I want you to meet my choir friends. These are the girls that sing soprano with me."

The girls were from a range of houses. There was one girl from Slytherin who looked to be either a sixth or seventh year, two girls from Hufflepuff that Louis recognized as being from his sister Dominique's class, and a girl in her second year who Louis recognized from Gryffindor Tower.

"Don't I know you?" Louis asked the Gryffindor.

The girl nodded shyly. "I'm friend with your cousins, James and Lucy," she reminded him. "My name's Tina."

Louis nodded, now able to recall seeing her with his cousins in the common room.

"Well it's nice to properly meet you," he said. "All of you," he added to the older girls as well.

"So you're Julia's new boyfriend?" one of the Hufflepuff girls asked, looking Louis over. "Not bad, Arnold."

Julia smiled. "He's going to sit and watch our practice today," she declared. "I hope none of you mind?"

The girls all shook their heads. At that moment, a girl in Ravenclaw robes called the room to attention.

"Alright everyone, take your places, we've got a lot of work to do today," she announced.

Julia quickly settled Louis in a corner, assuring him that Amelia, the leader of the group, wouldn't mind him watching as long as he stayed quiet. Then she joined the other sopranos in the front row.

There were between four and five students in each section and they stood in four lines on a staggered platform that allowed them all to see the Ravenclaw director at the front. She held a stick in her hand, which Louis mistakenly thought was her wand at first, but quickly realized that it was simply a baton. She used it to mark the tempo and, on her nod, the choir began to sing.

It wasn't the most beautiful music Louis had ever heard. It was a practice, and Amelia would frequently interrupt the piece to correct certain people or sections. It certainly wasn't the same experience as sitting through a concert, and Louis found that while the music was nice enough at times, he didn't particularly care for it.

He tried to listen just to Julia's voice, wondering if it would stir anything in him, but he couldn't make hers out from amongst the others. Her voice was simply lost in a sea of voices, and eventually Louis found himself tuning most of the singing out as he thought about the things they'd been doing in astronomy club, particularly the exciting nighttime meeting he was planning on bringing Julia along to.

When the choir practice came to a close, Julia bounced over to Louis excitedly, her eyes hopeful.

"So?" she asked. "What did you think?"

"It was beautiful," Louis responded, knowing this was the answer she wanted to hear. "You sing like an angel."

Julia rolled her eyes, but it was a forced eye-roll. She clearly appreciated the compliment and wanted to pretend she thought it was excessive. "Oh, I'm sure you couldn't tell my voice from the rest," she said. "There's too many of us."

"Of course I could tell your voice," Louis said, because it was what a boyfriend would say. "I know it well enough by now that I could hear it even if it had been a choir of a hundred."

Julia blushed and went in for a quick peck. To Louis' relief, it was just on the cheek, and he didn't have to pretend to reciprocate it.

"Come on then," she said. "The altos have a private practice now, but the rest of us are done."

That night, Louis thought about what he'd learned in going to Julia's choir practice. He'd learned that he had very little interest in listening to a bunch of people singing together, but he'd already known that wasn't one of his interests. He'd also learned that he wasn't a very good boyfriend.

A good boyfriend would have enjoyed listening to Julia singing, regardless of whether he liked listening to people singing in general. A good boyfriend would have been able to pick Julia's voice out of a crowd of twenty. A good boyfriend would have paid attention. But Louis had already known he wasn't that great a boyfriend. A good boyfriend would enjoy kissing his girlfriend, and Louis had never liked doing that. Julia deserved better.

The next day was the day Louis had planned to bring Julia to the astronomy club meeting. They had received special permission to use the astronomy tower after curfew so that they could watch a meteor shower that was passing close to where they were. It wasn't exactly a once-in-a-lifetime event, but was still pretty exciting, especially for the younger students who hadn't seen one yet. Louis had thought that of all the club meeting to bring Julia to, this was the one.

But after his realizations the previous day, Louis knew that bringing Julia to the astronomy club wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't going to make him like her any more than he already did. It wasn't going to create a sudden attraction or a sudden desire to kiss and cuddle and hold hands. Louis liked Julia as a person, but he didn't want to be in a relationship with her, and he knew now that he wasn't going to be able to force it. And it wasn't fair to Julia to keep stringing her along like this.

"So, what time should we meet before going up to the astronomy club meeting?" Julia asked as they were let out of their last class of the day. "I'm going to get a nap in after dinner so that I can be wide awake for this meteor shower you've been so excited about."

"Actually, maybe we should talk first," Louis said nervously. He'd told Justin what he was planning on doing, and Justin had been in complete support of the break-up. Of course, Justin's motives were purely selfish, but Louis knew that staying with Julia to spite Justin would be selfish on his part.

"Alright," Julia agreed, her voice indicating that she could tell something was up.

"Let's take a walk," Louis suggested, leading Julia down the corridor away from the rest of their classmates.

"Louis, what's wrong?" Julia asked. "You sound weird."

Louis sighed. He had no idea how to do this. He'd never broken up with anyone before and he wanted to do it in a way that didn't hurt Julia's feelings, but he had no idea what that way was.

"Julia I really like you," he began hesitantly.

"I like you too," Julia responded.

"Right," Louis muttered, trying not to be dissuaded from his plan. He wasn't going to chicken out, no matter how badly he felt about doing this. "Anyway, I like talking to you and doing homework with you and stuff, but – "

"But you're not into me," Julia completed the sentence.

Louis froze in place, surprised that Julia had known where he was going and confused as to why she wasn't more upset.

"How did you know?" he asked.

"Oh please," Julia rolled her eyes. "A girl always knows when her boyfriend's not into her. I thought at first that you were just nervous, since this was your first relationship. I mean, it was mine too. But after a little while – "

"Why didn't you say anything?" Louis furrowed his brow.

Julia shrugged. "I don't know," she muttered. "I still like hanging out with you. I didn't want to lose our friendship."

"Neither did I," Louis laughed. "That's why I've been putting this off for so long."

"What made you finally decide to do it?" Julia wondered.

"Honestly?" Louis asked. "It was going with you to your choir practice yesterday. I was kind of using it as a test to see whether I could make myself feel something more for you, but now I know that it's just not there."

"I'm not going to say that doesn't sting a bit," Julia said honestly. "I really did like you, and a part of me always will. But I'd rather be with someone that wants to be with me than someone who's only pretending."

"I'm glad you said that," Louis said, relieved. "Because I'd rather not be with someone at all then have to pretend all the time."

"Is there nobody you're interested in?" Julia asked.

Louis thought about it, but none of the girls that passed across his mind held any interest for him. "Honestly no," he replied.

"Well don't worry," Julia assured him. "One day you're going to find someone, and you'll feel all the things you never felt for me."

Louis smiled. "Thanks," he said. "I'm really glad you were my first girlfriend. Even if I never really had a crush on you. I guess you don't have to come to astronomy club now though."

"Can I still come though?" Julia asked hopefully. "Just as friends?"

Louis nodded. "Of course," he agreed happily. Without the strings and the pressures of being in a relationship, Louis actually found himself looking forward to it for once.

LlLlLlLlLlL

That night, Louis and Justin descended to the common room just as curfew was taking effect.

"Hold on," Louis said as Justin moved towards the portrait hole. "We've got to wait for Julia."

"I thought you two were breaking up," Justin frowned.

"We did," Louis confirmed. "But we're still going to be friends and she still wanted to come."

With a groan, Justin dropped into a nearby chair and crossed his arms across his chest. "This isn't good," he said in warning.

"What are you talking about?" Louis demanded.

"Staying friends with her," Justin clarified. "A clean break would have been better. She could have moved on quicker. Now she's still going to be around and worrying about Flint and the Slytherins."

"Well I didn't break up with her because of that," Louis declared. "I broke up with her because I didn't want to be with her. But I still like her. She's fun and interesting and I'm going to keep hanging out with her as much as I want."

Justin shook his head, but didn't argue any more.

Julia arrived down from the girls' dormitories shortly after and the three made their way to the astronomy tower where Arnold, Greg, and Trent were waiting for them along with about three-quarters of the rest of the club members.

Louis introduced Julia to the team leaders and to a few other members with whom they were more friendly and then moved to start getting ready to view the shower. Louis and Justin selected telescopes next to each other and began to set them up while Julia sat and watched. Louis also set up an extra one for Julia, since she confessed that astronomy wasn't her best subject and that she'd likely set it to be looking in the wrong direction and then miss everything.

The meteor shower would be most visible just after midnight, so once the telescopes were set up, everyone settled in to wait. They'd met early to ensure that they would be ready to go when the time was right, but found themselves with some time on their hands.

As they waited, Trent began to talk about a blood supermoon that the astronomy club had witnessed back in 2015 and how it was too bad that many of the newer members who hadn't been at Hogwarts during that time wouldn't be in school to witness the next one when it came many years from then. To Louis and Justin, it seemed like normal, casual astronomy club meeting conversation, but Julia seemed totally lost.

"Is this what you do?" she asked. "Sit around and talk about astronomy?"

Louis shrugged. "Well yeah," he responded. "What else would we do?"

Julia shook her head. "Never mind," she muttered, leaning back in her chair, her eyes glazing over as Louis tuned back into the conversation. He suspected that she wasn't listening, but he didn't hold it against her. His mind had drifted off in choir when she'd been singing.

When it was time to watch the meteor shower, Louis made sure Julia knew what she was doing before moving to his own telescope to watch it himself. It was beautiful, just as Louis had expected, and he even heard Julia oohing and ahhing from a few feet away.

Though they were no longer a couple, Louis was glad to have been able to share this with Julia. He knew she wasn't going to be coming to astronomy club meetings regularly, but maybe if there was another exciting celestial event happening, he could persuade her.

By the time they returned to Gryffindor Tower, it was close to three in the morning and Louis was exhausted. Luckily it was the weekend and they could all sleep in as much as they wanted the next morning.

"Thanks for taking me to your meeting," Julia said before heading upstairs. "Even though we're not – "

"Anytime," Louis assured her. "And even though we're not – well you can still study with me whenever you want, and we can still talk and stuff."

"Yeah," Julia said with a smile. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Sounds good," Louis agreed.

And as Julia ascended to her dormitory, Louis finally felt free, for the first time since his first date with her in November. Now that he didn't have to spend time with her, now that he wasn't bound by any sort of obligation, he could do whatever he wanted. Spending time with Julia didn't have to be a burden anymore. They could just be friends, and enjoy each other's company without any expectations. And Louis looked forward to that.