Catra still woke her up in the morning to spar, only now Adora tried her best to recognise the craving for the Sword of Protection for what it was.
But what if something happens, her mind whispered. If the Horde attacks, we'll need She-ra.
She shook her head, banishing the thoughts from her mind before realising that she was standing in front of the sword, stroking her palm along the flat of the blade. She had never realised just how smooth and polished it was. The metal was cool to the touch, and seemed to hum as she got nearer to the shining jewel at its base. The hilt felt seemed to fit in her grip perfectly, and its comforting weight on her back set her mind at ease. She was just about to grab it when the rough, carved spear that Catra always carried around buried itself in the floor near her feet, making her jump back with a yelp before turning to glare at its wielder.
Catra was standing off to the side, watching her. There was some light swelling near her eye where Adora had punched her the night before, but her fur covered up most of the bruising.
"No weapons," she said, her tail wrapping around Adora's outstretched wrist. The two of them walked through the castle in silence, and Adora took several deep breaths in an attempt to ignore the itch in her palms. They marched clear through a part of the castle that Adora guessed was the barracks based off the amount of soldiers and guards watching them, and outside to a small training ground where a handful of men and women were tiredly going through what she figured were some light exercises to wake themselves up.
"How come you never let me warm up and stretch," she whined as Catra dragged her towards one of the small fenced off rings.
"In what world would your enemy let you warm up before fighting?" Catra demanded condescendingly and Adora's face flushed.
The two of them sparred for well over an hour, drawing several bystanders to watch as Adora tried to keep up with Catra. Their strength was fairly equal, but Catra was faster and had better reflexes. Adora tried to make up for it with her technique, keeping her cool and drawing Catra in to grapple her, but every time she did, Catra would have some sort of trick to escape. Whether it was biting, taunting, or one time throwing dirt in her eyes, Catra pulled the rug out from Adora every time, much to the displeasure of their growing audience.
"Boo!"
"Cheater!"
"She's fightin' dirty, she is!"
The taunts and jeers only served to distract Adora even more, and she once again wound up on her back with Catra's claws to her neck. The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, breaths heavy, before Catra slid to her feet and offered a hand to help her up. Adora accepted and was halfway to her feet when threw her weight back and pulled them both to the ground. They tussled for a bit before she finally managed to get on top of Catra and was surprised to find her smiling.
"Good job," Catra muttered. Her voice was low and there was a sort of growling undertone that made Adora shiver, before yelping as she bucked her hips and slid between Adora's legs and back to her feet.
"I think you've got some fans," Adora commented, nodding towards the sour-looking soldiers.
Catra shrugged. "I'm used to it."
"Nice match, Wildcat," a cheerful voice boomed. Adora watched as Catra sighed and allowed herself to be lifted by Scorpia once they were back inside the castle, her gut twisting uncomfortably. Catra sucked in a breath and was about to respond when Netossa and Spinneralla joined them too.
"It was fairly impressive," Spinnerella commented. "It's clear you both put a lot of effort into your training."
"Though I'm curious how you'd do in a proper fight, Force Captain," Netossa added, and something about her tone made Adora bristle. Catra, however, was indifferent.
"Don't you have more people to ambush and take prisoner?" She asked. Adora was still surprised by how calm and collected Catra was compared to when they were in the Horde. Back then, if someone commented on her skills, Catra would have been more than happy to give them an up-close demonstration. Now she was acting like Netossa wasn't even worth her time. "I'll be with Trap and Snaps if you need me, Adora," she said, not even waiting for Netossa to reply before giving Adora one last small smile and marching off with Scorpia rambling at her side.
"Don't worry, Adora," Spinnerella said, seeing the expression on her face. "I'm sure you would have done better had it been a fair fight."
"Especially if you had that sword of yours," Netossa added.
Part of Adora wanted to agree with them. If she had been She-ra, there was no way Catra would have stood a chance, even if she had been fighting dirty. Another part reminded her of all those times Catra had managed to hold her own against She-ra just fine, while yet another wondered why she was suddenly feeling so annoyed.
"Did... did you two need me for anything?" She asked, forcing her conflicting emotions down and turning to face them.
"The queen wanted to see you," Netossa informed her. "Now that you're awake, she wants to hear your side of things about what happened in Gren."
Adora nodded and bid the two of them farewell before meandering her way towards the war room. The feeling of trepidation when dealing with Queen Angella had eased since she had rescued Glimmer and Bow from the Fright Zone (yet another thing that she wished Catra would apologize for, if for no other reason than to maybe ease some of the tension surrounding the castle), but, for some reason, she felt uneasy. She tried to calm herself, breathing deeply as she pushed open the heavy doors that led to the throne room, only to be tackled the moment she crossed the threshold.
"You're okay!" Glimmer shouted, a bright grin on her face as she wrapped her arms around Adora's waist.
"We were worried about you," Bow added from her other side.
"Sorry," Adora mumbled. "I didn't mean to."
"I'm happy to see you up and about, Adora," Queen Angella said, her expression serene as she watched the three of them hug it out. Adora blushed and clumsily attempted to bow.
"T-thank you, Your Majesty."
"By the state of you, am I correct in assuming that you and Force Captain Catra have resolved whatever it was you were so explosively arguing about last night?" Adora felt like an insect trapped under the weight of Queen Angella's gaze as she gulped and nodded. Of course people would already know about their fight - she hadn't exactly been making an effort to stay quiet. She briefly wondered what they all thought when they saw Catra walking around with a swollen cheek this morning.
"Uh, yes, we did," Adora mumbled, focusing on the present.
"Well, I suppose you would know best on how to deal with her," Angella dismissed. "Given your... history with one another. I am, however, disappointed that you weren't able to keep a better eye on her during your mission."
Adora fought down a shudder, as she bowed her head. "You're right. If I hadn't neglected her during the mission, we probably would've been finished a lot sooner."
"And most likely saved the lives of Captain Leon and several others," Angella added, and Adora felt another spike of guilt. "But it is in the past, now, and the blame does not fall solely on you. What I would like to hear is your own account of what happened during your mission."
Adora swallowed and tried to smile gratefully when Glimmer squeezed her hand in a show of support. She took a deep breath and recounted everything from the encounter with the assassin on the way to Gren, to meeting Captain Leon and inspecting the scene of the crime before Angella interrupted.
"So, you believe that the bandits had help from inside the village?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. The stores were the only place broken into, so they had to at least know where to look."
"I will have to make sure that the next captain we dispatch there is on the lookout, then. Continue."
Adora told her about the attempts she and Leon had made to casually interrogate the villagers, and flushed when the queen looked at her with something that was similar to how she sometimes looked at Glimmer, but, for some reason created a slight curl of indignation in her chest. She told her about Catra's argument with Leon, and how she ordered him to send the lone messenger to Bright Moon, and desperately wished she could sink into the floor when Angella sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Yes, she mentioned something to that effect in her own report. While I cannot argue with the results of her plan, we cannot allow her to act so... willfully. When on missions, Catra is your responsibility, Adora. The way she so brashly offered Princesses Scorpia and Entrapta to us as politiccal hostages shows she isn't afraid to gamble with the lives of those she claims are her friends. It will be up to you to control her when the four of you are out on a mission."
Adora nodded, trying to ignore the cold sweat dripping down her back. She thought that Catra had just been over-exagerating, but...
The golden power flowed through her veins, and she briefly considered shouting... something at the queen, but another part of her dismissed that. This was the Rebellion, things were better here in the Horde, Queen Angella didn't know Catra like she did, and was just being careful. Yet another, smaller, quieter part of her agreed with her hopefully-mistaken instincts, but called for calm observation before making any move. She banished all these thoughts and continued with her report, skimming over her argument with Catra but secretly breathing a sigh of relief when the queen seemed pleased with her before explaining how, with the villagers not providing anything useful, she took to joining Glimmer and Bow in searching the surrounding area for any signs of the bandits until the attack.
"I-I don't remember much of the fight," she admitted. "I was just so... angry. It felt like I wasn't myself."
She noticed Bow stiffen at her side while Angella seemed to examine her before smiling. "I sometimes forget how young the three of you are," she whispered. "It is part of why I was so reluctant to send you to face Vultak on the front lines. When you are surrounded by the enemy, fighting desperately, emotions running high, it is not unsual to feel as if you have stepped outside of yourself, Adora. And while it was wrong to turn on Catra - who was your ally at the time - it was perfectly understandable for you to feel how you did." Angella smiled and Adora felt an odd mixture of emotions before deciding to focus on the comfort that was being offered to her. "You are a compassionate young woman, Adora. I suspect that is part of why you were chosen to wield the power of She-ra, and why, after seeing such an immediate threat to those we have sworn to protect, you were able to tap into even more of your latent power."
Adora swallowed past the lump in her throat and nodded. "Thank you, Your Majesty."
"Maybe it's time for another trip to the Crystal Castle," Bow suggested. "If you're tapping into more of your power, Light Hope should be able to help you control it."
"A fine suggestion, Bow, but I'm afraid it will have to wait," Angella said. "While your last mission could have gone better, it was still a success. Catra has at least proven that she will, in her own ruthless sort of way, fight for us. I would like the three of you to take her with you as you accompany the next regiment headed for the front lines. Princess Entrapta has been hard at work developing weapons to counter the Horde's and Princess Netossa has volunteered to take command of the troops to the East."
"Are you sure that's the best idea, Mom?" Glimmer asked. "I mean, sure, she didn't kill us in our sleep or anything, but taking Catra back to where we found her is pretty much asking her to run away."
"I am aware of that, Glimmer. Catra may not care for Scorpia or Entrapta in the same manner the three of you care for one another, but from what we have gathered during their stay here, she does consider them her subordinates, and apparently has a developed a reputation of leaving none under her command behind."
"So, you think she'll come back for them?" Adora asked.
Angella nodded. "If there is one thing about Catra that must be respected, it is her prowess in combat. However, even she would have a hard time storming this castle on her own. She will need something to help her."
Glimmer's eyes widened and she jumped excitedly. "You think she's gonna try and make a break for that whatever-it-is that gave her those fire powers!"
Angella smiled at her daughter, pride in her eyes that sent another unpleasant jolt through Adora's gut. "I do, and I would like the three of you to follow her should that happen. Based on the reports from the front lines, the power she wielded was devistating. Not only should it not fall into the hands of someone we cannot fully trust, but it would be a boon to the Alliance's war efforts were we able to replicate it."
"I don't know, Your Majesty," Adora said uneasily. The thought of lying to Catra like that made her feel sick, but how was she supposed to tell the queen that she didn't want to betray the trust of someone whose own betrayal they were treating as a certainty. "Catra probably knows that area like the back of her hand. It wouldn't be hard for her to lose us."
Angella's expression hardened and Adora felt like she was a child again, being lectured by Shadow Weaver. "Don't allow your sentimentality to blind you, Adora. You and Catra are both different people from when you left the Horde. You may think she has turned over a new leaf, but her actions in Gren should prove to you otherwise. She is dangerous and will turn on us as soon as we give her the opportunity." She paused and stood up to approach Adora cupping her cheek and making Adora's heart feel like it was going to explode as she was coaxed to look up into the queen's gaze. "If you truly believe that you can convince her to change her ways, then I want nothing more than to encourage you, but you cannot allow it to get in the way of your duty. You are She-ra, your destiny is to save Etheria from the Horde, and you cannot do that if you are always leaving yourself open to being stabbed in the back."
Adora's eyes stung, but she smiled and nodded. "I'll do my best," she muttered as Bow and Glimmer wrapped her up in another hug. They probably thought that she was just trying to process the very real possibility that she was going to be betrayed by someone she cared for deeply, and they were right. Catra would look for any opportunity to get out from underneath the Alliance's thumb and escape Adora's shadow. She didn't know if she could handle losing her after so recently getting her back, but considering she had done the same to Catra - who had apparently suffered far worse than before since she left - Adora couldn't help but wonder if maybe she deserved it.
Normally, she wouldn't let these thoughts get to her unless she was in the comfort and privacy of her room, but Adora was distracted by the feelings that stirred in her chest as she replayed everything over in her head. Angella smiled and removed her hand from Adora's cheek, allowing Bow and Glimmer to escort her out of the throne room with a final order to be ready to leave in less than a week and to take it easy until then. She was grateful for their unspoken support as they both clung to her and began chattering away, the sound of their voices soothing her.
She would have preferred the sound of purring, though.
Either way, a seed had been planted in her mind. Digging deep into her subconscious and taking root. She tried to ignore it, as she spent the rest of the day with Bow and Glimmer, hanging around the castle and talking about nothing of importance, but it wasn't to be. No matter what she did, or how she distracted herself, by the time she laid down to sleep, she still couldn't shake that one thought scratching at the back of her brain.
Shadow Weaver used to touch my cheek like that, too.
*(OoO)*
There are times where Catra wondered what it was that gave her such insight when it came to reading people. It usually didn't take much observation for her to get a rough outline of how people ticked. She always considered it her least useful skill, as, back in the Fright Zone, the most she could do with it was know which buttons to press to get her superiors and others really angry - resulting in even more severe punishments - now, however, it was finally coming in handy.
As soon as the queen informed her that they would be heading back towards the front lines, Catra immediately knew something was up. Momma Sparkles and Hair Net were cool and collected, briefing Catra with only the bare minimum required intel, which immediately told her they had a secondary plan. Guards were quickly placed outside Adora's room, citing their fight the previous night and people not feeling safe with Catra roaming the halls for the reason she was barred entry and assigned a bunk in the barracks. Seperated even from Scorpia and Entrapta, as they were given rooms in the castle proper, Catra spent most of her time trying to stay calm and not kill one of the annoying 'soldiers' with whom she was forced to share a room.
She still saw her friends during the day, but they were more closely scrutinized within the city than ever. Luckily, the guards still chose not to care for what went on in the refugee camps near the edge of the city, so, every day Catra would 'allow' herself to be dragged off by Scorpia with Entrapta following close behind to go and visit the refugees from their little village.
If it wasn't the guards watching her, it was the princess and her midriff-bearing boyfriend. The two of them were never far whenever Catra and Adora would see each other either. They pretty much spent the week before their mission glued to Adora's hip. On the bright side, Sparkles and Crop Top were far easier to read: they were less open vocally about their distrust of Catra, awkwardly trying to invite her into their conversations and talk with her, but she could sniff out insincerity from a mile away. The advantage of growing up with the bad guys was that you learned how to lie and how to spot one pretty much as soon as you had figured out the whole speaking thing. The only thing that interested her was the fact that they seemed to be doing it for Adora more than for Catra. Every time they would approach her with their annoyingly over-positive greetings, and every time Catra would rebuff them before watching them turn to Adora with a look as if to say, 'I told you so'.
Adora was by far the easiest to read. If Catra could tell something was up with the rest of them after so little time, she may as well have been able to hear Adora's thoughts. Everything from the way she looked at Catra, to her silent concentration during their morning sparring matches under the watchful eye of the net princess told her that she was the subject of Adora's brooding. Putting the pieces together took very little time once Entrapta reminded her of where they were being deployed and whether she could grab some of her tools from the abandoned skiff they had refitted into her lab.
Sending her into familiar territory would give Catra ample opportunity to escape should she want to. She was being kept from seeing Adora alone both because they didn't trust Adora to keep her mouth shut, and because it would start driving a wedge between them. Her treatment was worsened because they figured she'd snap, run back to where she had found that glowing rock, and try to stage a jail break. That way, they could follow her, take her down, and secure the magic rock for the Alliance.
With that in mind, Catra finally decided to sneak into Adora's room at night, only to find her sitting on her bed, staring blankly at the Sword of Protection across her lap. She guessed from the slightly cracked door that Princess Hair Net was anticipating her sneaking in, and had someone at the ready to listen in on them. Quickly grabbing a pen and paper from the desk in the corner of the room, Catra wrote down what she needed to say before padding over to Adora's bed and pulling her out of whatever trance it seemed she was in.
"Catra," she breathed, and Catra felt a thrill of excitement run up her spine. Adora's bed was in the center of the room and bathed in moonlight, so Catra wrapped her tail around the note she had written and pulled Adora into a hug, making sure her back was away from the crack in the door, where she could smell the sweat starting to leak off whoever was outside of it.
"Read the note," she whispered into Adora's ear as she held her, rubbing her hand up and down her back. "We're being watched."
Adora did as told, and seemed to slump against her in relief.
"I feel like we haven't really seen each other since we got back," Adora said, shifting on the bed and accidentally knocking the sword off her lap. She yelped and reached to catch it before it clanged loudly against the floor, and Catra used the opportunity to curl the note up with her tail and tuck it underneath the back of her cloak.
With that done, she wrapped her arms around Adora and dragged her to lay down on the bed with her.
"You're not sleeping," Catra murmured, resuming her stroking of Adora's back.
Adora didn't say anything for a solid minute, before a soft voice - so unlike her usual carefree, brash tones - whimpered into her chest, "I'm scared."
"Of what?" Catra asked, though she had a pretty good idea.
"Fighting," Adora admitted. "Of... of losing control again. Of killing people."
Catra didn't respond immediately, taking a deep breath to gather her thoughts. Catra had taken her first life years ago, when one of the kids bullying her had caught her exploring without Adora. Shadow Weaver had just finished punishing her, and Catra didn't have the energy to act like nothing was wrong while Adora kissed the ground the woman walked (floated?) on.
Francis had been entirely unimpressive. He always did only marginally better than Kyle in most of their training, but he had the advantage of having friends who were older and bigger. Catra had always been an easy target, so he must have figured she would be an easy target. She had been navigating the maze of pipes running up and down one of the buildings when he found her. The actual encounter was a blur, but Catra could remember feeling a surge of white-hot rage energizing her followed by a wet crunch as he fell off where they were perched and slammed his head against another of the pipes.
She didn't know how long she had sat there, staring at his body, but eventually Shadow Weaver found her. Catra had thought for sure that she was finally going to be killed, but all Shadow Weaver did was peer over the edge at Francis' corpse before turning back to Catra.
"I guess you aren't a complete waste of time, after all," she had said, before roughly grabbing Catra by the scruff of her neck and dragging her back to the barracks. That had been the first night Catra slept at the foot of Adora's bed - a compromise between her desire for comfort and her fear that she would hurt Adora as well.
One of the hardest duties for a Force Captain is helping their squad deal with death - both seeing it, and causing it. It was the only time where Catra put the effort in to be as close to nice as she believed herself capable. Scorpia helped with the actual dealing-with-it part, but Catra did her job by providing whatever it was they needed. For Lonnie, it was a night of contraband alcohol, pounding music in one of the de-commissioned warehouses near the ration processing plant that the older cadets and officers snuck out to between missions, and desperate, gasping sex that had Lonnie incapable of thinking. When the night was through, the two of them went back to work like it never happened, and while Lonnie was the only one she had sex (determinedly not thinking about the fact that she could only think about Adora the whole time) with, she did take several more of her soldiers to the warehouse to help them lose themselves in oblivion for a night.
It didn't work with all of them. She had quickly learned that everyone processed it differently, when she found Kyle in the training room after curfew one night. They had returned from a mission, and he had fired a tank on her orders at the side of a canyon, causing a landslide that crushed the Alliance squadron they were fighting at the time. It had been a slow death, the men and women who had survived were trapped, and screamed throughout the night for help before running out of air or succumbing to their injuries while Catra and her squad packed up and went back. Kyle was filled with guilt and rage, and Catra allowed him to take it out on her, barely fighting back until he collapsed on his hands and knees and started sobbing. At that point, she had escorted him to the barracks and left him with Lonnie and Rogelio.
There was always one thing, though, that she inevitably had to tell people, and that, even now, she still had to do.
"You're going to have to do it again," she said, softer than she had ever told anyone before.
"I know," Adora conceded, and Catra's heart broke at how miserable she looked. "It shouldn't matter, they were bad people. They wanted to hurt and kill others..."
"Don't think like that," Catra said. "They were people. Each person you kill has friends, family, people who will be affected by the fact that someone they know is gone. It doesn't matter if they're good or bad, we killed them because that was what needed to be done. Now you have to learn to live with it."
"How?"
Catra sighed. "I wish I could take this pain your feeling away, Adora," she deflected. "But all I can do is be there to help you through it." It was as close to a promise as Catra could get. She knew that Adora whatever the queen told her had dredged up insecurities about Catra actually abandoning her, so she condemned herself with unspoken promises that she knew she would never be able to break.
Adora smiled and buried her head in Catra's chest, ignorant to the turmoil she felt. When Adora left the Horde, it had been the worst pain Catra had ever felt. She could have followed, but her feelings of anger and betrayal kept her, and she finally managed to find a way out from under Adora's shadow. She had made something of herself, and she had grown, especially since choosing to leave the Horde herself. When she and Adora had been reunited, it had been unwillingly. She was still working on controlling the roaring flames that now burned within her, and had been caught off-guard, as a result she was once more leashed to her best friend. With those soft words Catra had whispered to her, though, something had changed. Adora could break whatever promises she made, but for Catra, as she held the single greatest thing in her life, a flicker of that ancient and terrifying power glowed in her soul, letting her know that she had just sealed her fate.
Where Adora went, she was now doomed to follow...
If only so she could hold her for one more night.
A/N: That last scene gave me so much trouble. There was great opportunity to elaborate on some of the nuances that make up Catra's moral compass, but figured that, since she knew they were being watched she would just focus on comforting Adora. Other than that, I'm excited to have Netossa join the group as she's, like, the only one that can match Catra tactically. That's not to say Catra is some sort of Entrapta-level genius, but her hypervigilance (a known symptom of PTSD) paired with her military experience still make her a force to be reckoned with - especially given that she's still being underestimated.
Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this and let me know what you think!
TTFN