"Epitaphs"
A/N: Final Party chapter! Ahhhhh! I skipped the karaoke scene, sorrynotsorry but that'll probably get written as a deleted scene sometime and thrown on my blog. It just didn't really fit with the tone of this chapter. Anyways, enjoy this final (sorta) pre-games chapter, including our very first look at the lovely Jamie Curie!
~Now you're older and the weight is on your shoulder
Make the world a little colder
No more hiding in the old day
Be strong
Don't you give up hope
It will get hard
Life's like a jump rope~
Jamie Curie, 12, District Ten
Jamie had it all figured out. Everything had fallen into place, perfectly aligned, like a house of cards that he had precariously organized. And then a breeze had come to knock it all down.
He didn't want to do what he planned on doing. He knew that once he did it there would be no going back. He wouldn't be the sweet, kind, patriotic hero they all were convinced he was. Jamie Curie would just be one more savage kid from the districts, an animal who was willing to do anything to save his own life. His name would be scrubbed away from the annals of history, and that little that was remembered of him wouldn't be kind, it wouldn't be generous. How long would it take for even his own parents to forget about him?
No.
He wouldn't be forgotten. The whole world would know his name. They would remember his name, long past when he was gone, and they would look back and say that he was the greatest person who had ever lived. It was still possible.
Earhart, Julian, and Denver were all worthless for that goal, but he didn't have any other options. He had to keep the image up, if he lost that image that they all believed in, then what did he have? The Capitol loved him, his allies loved him, and most of the tributes would hesitate to kill him if they got the chance.
But victors had to kill.
Would they still look at him the same then? Jamie couldn't stand the thought of it. There had to be a way to survive while still keeping that image intact. He just had to think harder. He could figure it out. There was a way. There was always a way.
"Jamie! The highlights are starting, c'mon!" Julian's enthusiastic voice rang out as he shouted out over the dance floor.
Jamie turned to Earhart, who was dancing obliviously next to him, and tapped them on the shoulder, motioning excitedly towards the gigantic screen that was being displayed on the side of one of the skyscrapers.
Earhart didn't seem to notice, and so Jamie rolled his eyes, grabbing them by the hand and dragging them off of the dance floor. They followed after him without complaint, until the two of them met up with the rest of their alliance. Denver and Julian were sitting down on a giant beach towel that was laid out on the grass in front of the television, and Earhart plopped down right in between them. Jamie slid himself onto the corner of the towel, giving a shy wave to Denver as he did so. Ciera was missing, but Sparrow was nearby, sitting down on the grass beside Denver while she continued to bury her nose in her book.
Jamie wished there were more tributes like her this year. Quiet and out of the way, keeping the attention all on him. There were too many big personalities this year. Troy would be gone early, thankfully, and even if he survived the bloodbath Jamie knew the man would never kill him. It was District Two that scared him. He liked to think he knew how to outsmart people, without them even realizing they were ever being used, but those two were different somehow. He kept his distance from them.
Earhart and Julian excitedly regaled Denver with stories from the night, all while Denver nodded his head enthusiastically and chipped in an occasional comment. Jamie tuned it out. He could play it off as nerves at the night being close to over if they noticed, so it was no problem. And really, unlike most of what he said, that wasn't much of a lie.
Jamie had spent the night with two goals. The first was earnest enough, he really did just want to have fun. This wouldn't be, couldn't be, his final night alive, but that assurance only went so far. And getting to taste what the Capitol lifestyle meant, with bounce houses and carnival games and cotton candy, it just made him that much more certain that he needed to survive. The second goal was to earn sponsors. He was careful to make sure he was in view of cameras throughout the night, and constantly searched for that cute, lovable moment that would stick in the Capitol's mind, while also showing him determined enough to believe he might actually win.
It was a tough balance.
A roar came from the crowd as the big screen began to glow, flashing the Panem seal with the number 102 displayed beneath it. The screen switched to a headshot of Troy, and the crowd went wild, hooting and hollering. Jamie may have imagined it but he swore that he heard the man himself cheering louder than anyone else from somewhere in the crowd.
His highlight moment was unsurprising to Jamie, showcasing his successful completion of two consecutive backflips as a part of his tried and true dance routine. Afterwards he went straight to Vivian and gave her an enthusiastic high-five before letting out a triumphant cheer that the surrounding Capitolites echoed.
Vivian's came next, with less enthusiasm but still a fair bit just from being Troy's single ally and district partner. Their moment came from earlier in the night, with Troy and Vivian on the Ferris wheel together. The two are talking, and it looks serious, intimate even, but there's no mics to pick up exactly what it is.
Then there's Talon, and his features the odd group that Jamie ran across earlier in the night with Julian and Earhart. He's with Lana, Maya, Marquise, and Hailey, the group of them playing a reaction-based game of cards, with him and his district partner coming down to the wire as they battle back and forth, Talon laughing the whole time while Lana smiles for the first time that Jamie could remember seeing.
Then there's Lana herself, with her moment coming during karaoke. Talon is dancing (lamely) next to her, and she looks confused, but after a while she slowly starts moving her feet back and forth, not quite dancing but close enough that it yet again leaves Jamie even more bewildered by the District Two tributes.
Ty and Julie's moments both recap what everyone had already seen, highlighting their epic karaoke battle in the finals. The two go back and forth, Ty with dazzle and natural talent, Julie with a contagious and electric energy. In the end, the crowd is unable to decide on a victor, the cheering nearly identical, but before they can figure out how to decide the tiebreaker Julie gives the crown to her district partner, patting him on the back and congratulating him while Ty soaks in the applause.
District Four was so bland and forgettable that Jamie forgot what their highlight was the moment their time was over. They may have technically been major competitors based on their training scores, but Jamie felt confident that the Capitol wouldn't let either of them win. Not with how many popular tributes there were this year. Between him, the first three districts, and Denver, one of them was most likely going to be ensured to walk out of that arena alive.
There were only five victors left, after all. They needed to make sure this one was somebody worth it. Someone loyal to the Capitol, who would say the right things to keep the peace, while being bright and optimistic to inspire hope. Jamie knew it could be him. It was a chance. A chance to be more than what he could have even been in District Ten. He could be the great unifier, the greatest victor of all time. The one who brought all of Panem together. His chance was there. He just had to take it.
District Five returned to some more intrigue. Nikola flashed across the screen, and his moment showed him playing a game of poker with some important looking Capitolites, one of whom Jamie recognized as the Vice President. He put on a charming smile for them and the cameras, but Jamie couldn't help but wonder if there was anyone out there that didn't see through it.
Nikola, Inesa, Juniper, the others, they weren't like him. That wasn't a cocky thing, either. It wasn't him thinking he was smarter (he was, he decided, but that was besides the point). The difference between them was that they were evil, and Jamie was just a realist. Jamie tricked people, but he didn't hurt them. If anything, he helped them. By pretending to be that friendly, selfless person who hurt when other people hurt, he had helped bring joy to others. He saved a Peacekeeper's life, even. They were all so obsessed with greed that they didn't realize they were chasing temporary things that would leave them burnt. Jamie would be remembered for far longer than them, and that was what mattered. Good people lived on for longer than bad ones. Or at least, the really good ones did.
River, the girl from Five, was next. Her moment showed her shooting down four wooden birds at some tiny archery booth with her mentor, Audra, watching on. It was impressive for her odds of winning, but didn't do much to let sponsors see her as any more human or sympathetic than before. Seeing as Jamie hadn't seen the girl the whole night, there probably weren't many moments to choose from.
Next was District Six, and Julian squealed with excitement as his face showed up on the screen. His highlight came from the booth that had his hands tied behind his back while he bobbed for apples. Jamie had to admit he was weirdly impressed with how good his ally was at it, as he rapidly dug his teeth in and spit them out in rapid succession, Earhart and Jamie cheering him on in the background.
Earhart's moment showed the bounce house races that came not long after, and yet again Jamie was right there, getting highlighted along with his allies. Just one benefit of sticking with a group for the night. Earhart and Julian both seemed pleased with their highlight, and started chatting with each other, their interest in the others' highlights dimming. Jamie kept paying attention. He wanted to soak in as much information as possible before the Games started. Alliances that were crumbling, relationships to watch out for, emotional weaknesses to tug at if he were to run into them in the arena, it was all there. He just had to find it.
Vesa's showed exactly one of those weaknesses, as his highlight was probably meant to show off their alliance's comradery as they played a game of charades together. Instead, it just showed how painfully obvious it was they all despised each other. Udon wasn't even there at all, which raised Jamie's suspicion.
Juniper's moment was similar to Nikola's, with her highlight showing her at the banquet at the start of the night, seated next to the president and chatting up the old man, laughing and shaking her head as he told some joke that, judging by the reactions of the other tributes near her, wasn't anywhere funny enough to warrant the reaction.
District Eight was a bit more interesting. Udon's face flashed across the screen, and then it showed him chatting with Maya, looking serious and angry as ever, but with something else there too. The duo were talking at the edge of the dance floor, far away from the rest of Udon's allies. There was audio, but Jamie couldn't hear it over the crowd. Earhart and Julian, particularly, who were giggling as they swapped cheesy jokes, Denver piping in every once in a while to toss out a joke.
Then there was Inesa, who followed in the path of Nikola and Juniper, though with much smaller fish, sharing a drink with Logan who stood stone-faced as ever while she appeared to make some advances. Without audio, Jamie couldn't exactly tell. It was certainly the impression the Capitol was trying to give off, anyways.
Arkus was as utterly nuts as always, Jamie had almost forgotten about him as he avoided the man for most of the night, but he showed up towards the end of the night for karaoke, and was as terrible at it as expected. Jamie wondered for a moment why the Capitol highlighted him making a fool of himself, before realizing that was probably all he did the entire night. At least the terrible singing was funny.
Maya's highlight showed her doing a ridiculously bad dance while Talon watched and laughed, shaking his head. Again, some sort of conversation was happening, and this time Jamie made out enough in between his ally's jokes to figure it was just banter.
Then, there was Jamie's highlight. He held in his breath, and Denver shushed Julian and Earhart, which Jamie was eternally grateful for. His face faded from the screen, and Jamie smiled to himself as he saw that they chose the moment he had hoped for. It was him, on the dance floor during the closing minutes of live music, in a dance circle with Audra Lee and Glory Fairfax while they cheered him on, a shy smile on his face as he pulled out some fancy footwork that had the two victors clapping and cheering.
Jamie swore he heard a collective "aww" coming from the crowd, and he traded his relieved smile for a sheepish one, fully aware of the cameras pointed at him still. He got a highlight that would gain him sympathy, while also showing him interacting with victors - something nobody else had gotten yet. It set him up as a potential victor, and Jamie could breathe easier knowing that he had officially done everything he could in the pre-games.
Whatever the arena had in store for him, he had set everything into motion. The Capitol loved him. Half of the mentors already liked him enough to probably be hoping for him to survive. Most of the tributes liked him enough to not kill him unless they had no other choice. He could do it. He could defy the odds, and leave the arena, hands clean and conscious clear, and make the world a better place.
Jamie could make them remember him.
Denver Lyon, 18, District Twelve
It was the second best party Denver Lyon had ever been to.
Being outside and in the plaza, he finally felt like he was in the Capitol that he knew and had come to love again. It was bittersweet knowing that it would be a hello and then a permanent goodbye. Denver preferred optimism, but he was also a realist, and knew he wouldn't leave the arena. Enjoying his last night was as much as he could do.
Marquise and Ciera's highlights went by in as much of a blur as everything else in the night did. Everything seemed to be speeding towards that foregone conclusion that was looming on the horizon. In just an hour the night would end, and he would be sent back to the training center and told to enjoy what might be his last night's rest. Even if he did survive the first day, would all his allies? Julian and Earhart and Ciera and Jamie and even though she wasn't technically his ally, Sparrow? He'd be lucky if half of them made it past the bloodbath. That kind of heartbreak wasn't something he was ready for.
Marquise's highlight showed him with Hailey, which was unsurprising seeing as Denver had seen the two together the entire night. The highlight showcased them competing in the karaoke duos tournament, with the two of them putting in a lot of heart and effort but ultimately getting utterly smacked due to the fact that neither one of them could actually sing. It was enough to make Denver laugh, though. Marquise was a good man, he had promised to watch out for his allies in the arena if he came upon them in need of help.
Ciera's had Denver curious. He had been looking for her all night to no avail, it was if she had disappeared into the night. When he did find her, she seemed out of it, not her normal, witty, silver-tongued self. He couldn't hear anything that was being said, but the highlight showed her talking with Talon and the rest of his allies, and that was enough to put the pieces together. He should've been gutted, or felt betrayed. Instead he just felt happy for her. Maybe at least one of them would stand a chance of making it out alive. Denver hated how negative he was getting.
And then his face was on the screen, and he was watching himself at karaoke, duoing with Julian as they kicked some butt but were ultimately taken down by the power duo of Ty and Julie.
And then there was just Sparrow, and her moment was the quietest of the night, because there wasn't much to choose from. It showed her doing what she did the whole night, reading a book while all around her a whole world of fun and adventure was happening. Denver couldn't say he understood it, but then again Sparrow didn't seem to understand him either, so it was a two-way street, he supposed.
And just like that the highlights were over. A man stepped on stage and announced that statements would begin shortly, and that anyone wishing to speak on someone's behalf should see him or another staff member, say their relation to the tribute, and give a brief description of what they intended to say. Denver couldn't help but be a bit curious, with only a half-dozen mentors there weren't exactly too many options for most of them. They weren't really interacting with many people outside of the other tributes.
Jamie, Earhart, and Julian said something about not wanting to wait, and Denver just nodded his head and watched them run off to the nearly-empty dance floor to squeeze out some more fun. Sparrow still sat on the grass beside him, not opting to scooch onto the now spacious beach towel. Denver opted not to push it, and instead sat in silence, diving deep into his head as he thought back on the past year of his life.
Regardless of it all, Denver wouldn't trade it for anything. If dying in that moment was the price he had to pay for that small taste of life, he would take it a hundred times out of a hundred. He got to experience what it meant to live. He made a best friend, he learned impossible things, did impossible things, got a small slice of what love was like, too. Overall, it could've been a lot worse. A long, miserable life in District Twelve couldn't hold a candle to what he got. He wasn't unlucky to be reaped, not with how lucky he'd been before that single roll of fate.
The statements began, and Denver was only half-paying attention. Troy spoke passionately for why Vivian deserved to be the victor, and then Glory shyly and briefly spoke for Troy, but really spoke for both her tributes as a pair.
A gamemaker spoke for Talon from an analytical perspective, and then the D2 stand-in mentor nervously and vaguely explained how Lana was deserving of the win. District Three was more personal, with Coira making a quick appearance to say some kind words about Ty, complimenting his balloon-animals (and showing the dog her had made for her to the crowd) and giving him her best wishes, but not going so far as to advocate for him winning. Dalton spoke for his sister, looking uncomfortable as he awkwardly tried to put into words the idea that she was going to win, before eventually breaking from the script and stating in an unexpected moment of honesty that she was a good person, and deserved to win because of it.
District Four both had unenthusiastic and wavering support from sponsors who were loyal to District Four, but seemingly had no reason to specifically support either of the duo.
Nikola was spoken for by the Vice President herself, in a surprising turn, and while she spoke formally and without passion, the gesture itself was enough to turn a lot of heads. River on the other hand was spoken for by a random Capitol citizen who claimed to have been the archery trainer a few decades back. While he lacked the name power, he made up for it in passion, explaining to the audience with an easily identifiable genuineness why she was going to be a victor, and why she deserved it. Denver hadn't interacted with the girl at all during training, but found himself moved by the speech, and made a note to himself to watch out for her in the arena, and invite her into his alliance if they crossed paths.
District Six had their two stylists speak for them, both of whom emphasized the duo's contagious energy and relentless pranks the two ran during their time in the Capitol. Denver smiled, and hoped the two heard the kind words from over on the dance floor.
Vesa had his stand-in mentor speak on his behalf, pointing out his previous training as a sign that he'd make it far. Juniper got a more personal and more impactful vouch, with the President himself speaking briefly, noting her as an "intelligent and well-spoken young lady."
In District Eight their escort and stylist spoke for Inesa and Udon respectively, and both of their statements seemed as if they were being recited rather than actually coming from the heart as they encouraged sponsors to donate.
Arkus spoke for himself, in typical fashion, and it went as awfully as everything that he did, with him yet again proclaiming his immortality, and claiming that anyone who didn't bet on him was an "idiot that's missing out on free money." Maya also spoke for herself, doing so in mocking fashion as she mimicked Arkus' statement, full of overt masculinity as she marched across the stage, proclaiming herself to be unkillable. By the end of the bit, Denver was laughing so hard he could barely breathe.
Jamie competed with River for the most passionate statement of the night, to no surprise of Denver. The kid was the most genuinely kind and selfless person Denver had ever met, and it was no surprise that everyone he ever met ended up loving him. It was Peacekeeper Lieutenant Winston, the man that Jamie had saved, that spoke for him. He spoke about the experience, and vouched on his honor that a more patriotic and less individualistic person didn't exist in all of Panem, and made a plea to Panem that they "show this young man that Panem treats its heroes right, and make sure that we send him home still breathing." Denver felt a twist in his gut, and silently hoped that Jamie made it out of the bloodbath unscathed. Even if it meant Denver himself going down, he had at least gotten to live. Jamie was just twelve, only just starting to experience what life was all about. He didn't deserve this.
Jamie's district partner's statement went under the radar in comparison, as her stylist spoke with a decent amount of enthusiasm, praising her work ethic and motivation, but not doing enough to steal any attention away from her younger district partner.
District Eleven brought a surprise as Hailey Hills awkwardly stumbled onto stage. She quickly mumbled something about how Marquise was a genuinely good guy, and how that was a rare thing to find.
"He's not gonna win, cause only assholes win this thing, but he deserves to. If it were fair he'd be the one to win." She sounded surprisingly sober for how Denver had seen her most of the night, and left the stage looking a mix of sad and angry. Saying that he wasn't going to win wasn't the best endorsement, but when Denver spotted Marquise in the crowd, he didn't look annoyed or disappointed. He looked touched, and though he was too far away to be sure, Denver thought he saw some tears in the man's eyes.
Denver thought about going up to speak on Ciera's behalf, but felt like he didn't have the energy for it. The night had worn down on him, and there was something else there too. He was in the Capitol again, and yet all his friends, all the people who he'd shared the best year of his life with, were nowhere to be seen. Most of them, he understood. They were back in the districts, afterall. But Joana. . . the last week, the thought of seeing Joana one last time had gotten him through it all, and when it came down to it, she was nowhere to be seen.
Fabius Flickerman himself delivered Ciera's statement, and managed to praise something besides her looks, much to Denver's surprise. It wasn't exactly compassionate and heartwarming, but it was a positive endorsement, and one of the better ones of the night.
Denver was curious to see who would speak for Sparrow, and yet again contemplated speaking, if not just to make sure that there was somebody to deliver it. Their escort stepped up though, the young man speaking fondly of Sparrow, calling her a "bright intellect" a "sharp wit" and "a truly one of a kind human being." When Denver looked over, Sparrow had her eyes out of her book for the first time all night, and she looked taken aback as she looked up at the stage. After a moment, she shivered, wrapping her jacket tighter around her shoulders and closing her book, opting to lay down and look up at the sky instead.
Finally, it was time for Denver's statement. And then they would start closing the plaza, and they would track down the twenty-four tributes, collect them, and send them back to the training center. It was all about to be over, just as it seemed like it was starting.
Denver got so spun into his own thoughts, the fear and panic of the looming end, that he didn't even notice as the person rose up the stage and began his statement.
"Denver," the voice began, and Denver froze in his thoughts, his head snapping to the stage in recognition. Joana stared back at him, somehow managing to find him in the middle of the crowd. Her eyes were watery. "I only met you one year ago, but I already can't imagine life without you. You bring life into the room the moment you step in, and you're always there with a quick joke and pick-me-up whenever I'm feeling down. You're just genuine, and unique, and unafraid to be who you are, and you make me feel like I don't need to pretend. And, well, that's special."
She bit her lip, holding the microphone out as if she were hesitating to say more. After a long moment of silence, she stepped back into the mic, her voice quiet. "And I really, really, really like you. And, I wish I could have gotten the chance to. . . well, I don't know. Sorry to drop that on you tonight of all nights," she forced a short, humorless laugh as she dabbed at her eyes. "But I just wanted you to know just how much you mean to me, and to everyone else lucky enough to know you. You. . ." her voice cracked. ". . . you don't deserve to die."
And just like that the statement was over, and she was hurrying off stage, and he was suddenly aware of the fact that cameras were watching him from every angle. That the entire city had their eyes peeled on him, waiting for his reaction, analyzing every tiny thing that he did.
His mind was racing, already at max capacity as this new info-dump attempted to force its way into his head, trying to make him think of some new problem, some new worry.
Denver let himself fall flat onto his back, the back of his head ruffling against the grass as he gazed up at the empty sky. Beside him, Sparrow did the same, and if he weren't so intent on not thinking about anything at all, he might've thought it was almost funny.
Hailey Hills, 15, District One, Victor of the 101st Hunger Games
Things end faster than you expect them to. The time in between her victory and the reapings, the entire pre-games, the party, all of it ended when Hailey just felt like they were starting. Just when she was getting comfortable with a new normal, it got switched up again.
It was just her, Glory, Audra, and Mira. Dalton had left with Julie and the rest of the tributes, and Hailey wasn't particularly broken up about that. Now the plaza was emptying out, trash and falling banners reminding them of the life that was there just an hour ago. The life that's already on its way out, back at the training center, waiting for tomorrow.
They were on the top of a brick wall, legs dangling off the edge. Hailey had gone there for some peace and quiet, and Mira had stumbled onto her accidentally, seemingly looking for the same. Hailey gave her a look that told her it was okay, and the quiet victor sat down on the opposite side of the wall. Then Audra and Glory came, searching for her. They tried getting something out of her at first, about the statement, about a bunch of other shit that Hailey didn't want to talk about. They gave up pretty quickly, and settled for quietly sitting down next to her.
Now they were all there. Four kids, pretending they were something more, because they needed to. Pretending they knew what they were doing, because it was sure as hell that nobody else did. The whole thing was fucked, and Hailey decided she had never hated it all so much as she did in that moment. Not even the previous year, when she wanted to cry and hated herself. At least that was internalized, she could pin it all on herself and leave it at that. But it wasn't just her, it was everything about the entire crummy world Hailey was stuck in. It was broken. And who was gonna fix it?
Hailey thought, after Gal had died, that it was rock bottom. She didn't want to tempt fate, so she never said it out loud. But deep down, she decided that it couldn't get any worse. And for a while that held true. It just stayed the same, that bottom level of awfulness that couldn't possibly sink any deeper. And then she let her guard down, and it was right back to that terribleness again. There was no more numb acceptance. It was burning again, that anger and pain and she hated it.
"This really sucks, you know that?" Hailey said, and she didn't even care that her voice wobbled. Didn't care that she sounded weak. Like a kid. Maybe that's all she was, and it was time to stop pretending she was more than that.
"Yeah," Audra said breathlessly, her eyes shimmering as she looked out over the Capitol skyline. "It really does."
"It's not all bad," Glory said optimistically, her voice full of naivety and hope. Hope, that awful, terrible thing that seemed to be synonymous with pain. "It could be worse."
"Your imagination is better than mine, then," Hailey muttered. Her head ached, and she wanted to hit herself for what she did to her body. The way she tried to numb all the pain and had just made it so, so much worse. She settled for smacking herself on the forehead and bringing her hands up to her head, holding tight as she looked down.
"Troy, and Vivian, they're nice. That's something, right?" Glory asked. She turned to Audra. "And River too. And Marquise," she added softly.
"Yeah," Hailey said, her voice nasally as she brought her head back up, shrugging. "They all are. And that's why it sucks."
There was a long silence, the four of them all lost in their own thoughts, battling their own demons while they gazed out at the night sky. Audra eventually looked over at Hailey, then at Glory and Mira, her mouth opening hesitantly.
"Do you ever think. . . I mean, it's just strange, isn't it? That it's us." She fiddled with her hands, hiding them in her sleeves as she bit the bottom of her lip thoughtfully. "Out of everyone out there, we're the ones who are still here. Out of all the victors, all the fighters and geniuses and monsters, we're the last of us."
"It's a cruel joke," Hailey said dully. "The universe is making fun of us."
"Maybe," Audra said. "Or maybe it's because we all have something in common." She looked between all of them. "We're survivors. Even when it isn't easy, even when it's so, so hard, and not a single person in the whole world believes it's possible. Us? We pushed through. That's gotta count for something."
"Yeah," Glory said, smiling. "And next year there will be six of us."
"And more every year." Audra laughed. "Eventually we'll be the old ones, the ones who are supposed to know what's going on. A bunch of old farts, like Caleb and Carolina."
"I somehow can't imagine it," Hailey said pessimistically.
"I'm sure they couldn't either, back when it was just them," Audra said. "I mean, imagine it. Caleb was the only victor in the whole world for an entire year. As if it isn't hard enough now. As if it wasn't hard enough when everyone was still around."
"I wouldn't know," Hailey said quietly. Suddenly she wished that she had another bottle of rum, something, anything to numb her senses. Or at least something to make her not feel like she had to pretend she was okay right now, when all she wanted was to curl up in a tight little ball and cry. "What's it like?" She asked, and the breath just about left her body as she did so, her chest tightening up. "When the Games start?"
"It's not as bad as the arena," Hailey is surprised to hear Mira's voice, and follows it to see the District Eight mentor looking down at her palms as she rubbed them together for warmth. "Some people say it is, or it's worse. Those people didn't have arenas like we did."
Hailey knew enough about Mira's Games to not question that. They both got reaped at thirteen, and both had a final fight that they shouldn't have won, not really. But there they both were, still breathing.
"You feel helpless," Audra said, and her eyes were distant, like her mind was somewhere else entirely. "You can help in little ways, sure, but in the end there's nothing you can do to really change it. You have to watch them die, and there isn't a thing you can do to help them." Her voice dropped an octave, bitterness seeping in. "There's nothing else worse than that."
"Yeah," Glory agreed softly.
Hailey nodded her head. "I already feel like it. Helpless." She looked over at them, and decided she didn't care enough to hide her words, and she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or something else, something more, making her feel that way. "I was talking with Marquise all night, and this whole time I've just been thinking, he deserves to be alive more than I do. He's not just a decent person, half of them are, that doesn't mean shit. He's a good person. The world would be a better place with him in it, and now I get to watch him die. And the worst part? He doesn't even plan on winning. He deserves to win, more than anyone else in there, but he's gonna try to help someone else win instead, because that's what good people do. How fucked up is that? It's fucking rigged. Nobody who's really good can ever win, because they wouldn't let themselves."
"I understand what you mean," Audra said in a low voice, her lip quivering.
Hailey saw Levi's smile, remembered that night in the cave, his voice twisted and metallic, the swirling of blades and pots and pans and the knife in her hand, in Sigma's heart. Levi. Sigma. Dead on the cave floor. Hailey, blood on her shaking hands as she ran away from it all. Yeah, Audra knew what Hailey meant. But Hailey knew better. The rest of them were scared kids who didn't want to die. She was a monster. If she wanted to be generous, a selfish asshole.
Do you believe yourself capable of change?
The words rang in her head, and she smacked her ear, trying to force them out. She refused to let herself be haunted. Not anymore. No more.
"I wonder what it would be like, if they were here," Audra said, breaking the silence as they stared off into somewhere distant, unseen.
"Gal would've spent the night roasting the hell out of Troy," Hailey said, almost laughing. Her voice quieted. "He promised that he'd let me have a single drink at the party this year." She smiled. "Something nasty, not one of the fruity drinks that taste like soda. The hand sanitizer stuff, so that I'd be thanking him for making me stop after one." Her smile disappeared as she smelt the after-burn of liquor on her breath.
"They would've all hated it," Audra said. "Is it selfish to wish they were here, hating it with us?"
"No, it's selfish of them to die and leave us with all these assholes," Hailey muttered, and Audra laughed at that, a short one, but something. Glory cracked a smile.
Audra turned to Hailey, her eyes bright, no longer staring off into some distant unknown, instead focused on the now. "I think you would've liked them."
Hailey turned her head. "Who?"
"Atlas, Brendon, Kyle. Tristan especially. I think you guys would've been friends."
Hailey opened her mouth, ready to say something to refute it, some pessimistic, sarcastic quip, something to refuse the crumble of hope that Audra had clung onto and held out with an open palm. But Hailey smelt the liquor on her breath, felt the way her hands shook and her head ached, saw the empty, hollow plaza that was so, entirely, utterly devoid of life, and she nodded her head.
"Yeah," she said. "Maybe."
A/N: Well these party chapters went from super happy to super depressing real quick. I still love how these turned out though, and I hope y'all have enjoyed these rapid last 3 chapters. Either way, this spells the end of the pre-games for our incredible cast of tributes. Next chapter will be the countdown, which is super short and a bit different than my usual chapters. And than after that, two days from now, is the bloodbath. I love all of these characters I've received, and I'm dreading having to kill them off. So before the Games begin, just one final thanks to all of you who submitted, and everyone who's reading and supporting me, it means so much to have y'all along for the ride. I'm so excited for what I have in store for the arena, and hope y'all are as excited as I am. As always, see you all tomorrow!
Trivia: Bloodbath and/or arena predictions? 1 point for every correct guess (either a death, or just a general prediction)