Hello, you are my favourite hayffie author Are you still taking prompts for HaDS? Can i ask you a prompt about post-mj when peeta/katniss get drunk and mistake hayffie as their parents? Thanks xD
I couldn't see them getting THAT drunk. Not after Katniss experience in CF and Peeta's canon reluctance for liquor so I improvised. Also: drugs are bad.
Weird But Theirs
They weren't calling it date night.
It would have been cheesy and cliché and far too much pressure. Haymitch hated anything to do with romance – or so he still claimed – and not even the war had changed that. So they weren't calling it date night but, once a week at least, they ended up having dinner just the two of them, without the kids, and, more often than not, Effie lit candles, they had wine and chocolate and they ended up having sex. The sex wasn't to be taken for granted anymore – a few years of living together, certain changes in Effie's body and more than a decade of a no-strings attached affair would do that to any relationship but it was more likely to happen on those nights. Haymitch loved sex and he was willing to go through a unofficial date to get it.
His favorite part of the night was usually the one that led up to the sex but he probably wouldn't have admitted that even under torture. He suspected she knew anyway and that it was why she always made it a little different and special.
That night, they had ended up on the rug in front of the fireplace after dinner, with dimmed lights and cushions all around the floor. Their glasses of wine were forgotten on the coffee table behind them, the logs were popping merrily and they were kissing without any hurry.
Another thing he wouldn't ever admit to liking as much as he did: cuddling.
Haymitch was propped against a cushion, half-sitting, Effie's legs were tossed over his lap, one of his hand was on her thigh under the short blue dress she was wearing… His lips wandered from hers down her jaw and her neck… He wondered what kind of lingerie she had on underneath. She always had lingerie on when it was not-date night.
"You know… I've been thinking…" he breathed against her collarbone.
"You do not say." she mocked.
He drew back to look at her but couldn't muster any sort of irritation when her blue eyes were twinkling that much. He did smirk though, gently squeezing her thigh once. "Don't wanna hear it?"
She chuckled. Her red painted nails retraced the line of his jaw, scratched the stubble on his cheeks that was more grey than blond those days… "With this setting… It better be a proposal."
"It's a proposal alright." he snorted, leaning into her palm. "Wanna get a dog?"
Any other woman might have taken the piss and she would have too once upon a time. She would have bolted up and huffed and accused him of being insufferable and always making fun of her when he wasn't outright disrespecting her…
Now, she barely blinked and her pursed lips had less to do with her disappointment over a proposal that would probably never come and more to do with the topic he had waited to broach. He had wanted her distracted. He should have waited a little more. Maybe if he had waited until her legs were spread and his head between her thighs…
"A dog." she repeated as if it was a dirty word. "Haymitch, there are a dozen geese in the backyard."
"Dogs ain't geese and Thom has puppies." he replied, a note of pleading in his voice.
It was probably telling that, just like she would have stormed off after his little proposal joke once upon a time, he would have also just come home with the puppy one morning and presented it as a done deal without taking her opinion into account if it they hadn't come that far.
Their cohabitation hadn't always been easy, particularly in the beginning when the memory of the Games and the war had been so fresh but… They had made it to a point where it was, if not perfect, at least very close to that in his opinion.
"A dozen geese." she insisted.
"A cute little puppy…" he countered, dropping open-mouthed kisses up her collarbone to her shoulder.
She knew him too well. "How little are we talking here?"
"Okay… A cute not-so-little puppy…" he sighed, propping his chin on her shoulder, stretching his neck to reach the spot behind her ear with his lips, prompting her to giggle. "He's got a litter of them… You're gonna love them…"
"Would it be house-trained?" she asked, refusing to let herself get distracted.
"I'm gonna take care of it…" he promised, completely aware that he sounded like a child requesting permission.
A part of him, the old Haymitch who drank too much and was so proud of his independence, revolted against that. The current Haymitch, the one who managed to stay at a glass a day on good weeks and who enjoyed sharing his life with a hot blonde, knew it was a necessary evil. If he had simply brought back the dog without discussing it first, he would have been banished to sleep on the couch for days.
She wasn't convinced or entirely happy, he could tell. However he had rarely denied her anything when it came to the house. She had refurbished it, repainted it, changed so much shit around that it looked like a totally different place than before the war… And he wasn't always happy with the choices he deemed too girly either but he let her do as she pleased so…
"I am willing to go see them." she said slowly. "But I am not promising we will come back with one."
"Good enough." He smirked, happily resuming to kissing her neck, his hand purposefully inching her dress up. He was convinced once she would see the puppies, she would want one. They were cute and fluffy and that was right down her alley. Sure they were big dogs but…
She let out a long suffering theatrical sigh. "I expect you to be very nice to me tonight…"
"Oh, I'm gonna be very nice…" He chuckled in her ear. "Might even propose for real now…"
"Because I agreed to go see puppies? How romantic." she deadpanned.
She was more amused than angry though.
The marriage thing had been a recurrent joke for a few months now. He wasn't sure if she was really hinting that she wanted to get married or if it was more that the subject had finally stopped being sensitive since he had claimed so many times he would never go through the whole wedding thing.
The thing was though, the older they got, the less it seemed like a big deal. If she really wanted to get married… If she really needed the rings and the vows and the pieces of paper to prove their relationship was real… He was willing to give it to her because he wasn't losing her. Not over something so stupid at least. And if it made her happy…
That sudden realization made him froze, which was regrettable because she had been inching his shirt up and had been stroking his stomach…
"What is it?" She frowned, there was a touch of worry in her voice.
He stared at her and opened his mouth, not quite sure what would come pouring out, and was saved from the awkward explanations by the banging of the front door.
Now, the kids were never discreet when they came and went – first, because they treated his and Effie's house like an extension of theirs and then because a few regrettable incidents had taught Katniss and Peeta that it was dangerous to come into a room without announcing their presence first – but this was a little too brutal to be normal. He and Effie bolted apart, both half certain something terrible had happened – it had been a while since Peeta's last episode but that was always a possibility.
"Mitch!" Katniss called from the corridor and then immediately erupted into a fit of giggles.
Haymitch's eyebrows shot up and he looked at Effie. "Did she just call me Mitch?"
Nobody called him Mitch and lived. Nobody.
Effie's lips twitched, she was well aware of just how much he hated that nickname.
Before either of them could do anything, the kids came into view. Or stumbled into view rather. They were using the walls to keep themselves upright, both laughing so much they were half bent in two…
"What the hell?" Haymitch spat.
The kids knew it was date – not-date – night. They weren't supposed to come around unless it was an emergency. And now, not only were they crashing their evening, but they looked…
"Are you drunk?" Effie exclaimed, both surprised and disapproving.
That was his fault, he figured. Ever since he had drastically cut down on his consumption of liquor, Effie and the children had been very careful to stay on the right side of the line too. Well, it was more of a hardship for Effie than for the kids. She did like a good night of fun every now and then but she also insisted on supporting him so…
"No!" Peeta protested with obvious outrage before dissolving into giggles again.
Katniss didn't even bother answering, she made her way to Haymitch, bumping on every piece of furniture on her way. "You've got to see! Mitch, come see!"
"Since when are you calling me Mitch, sweetheart?" he grumbled.
She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the window without giving him much of a choice, pulling back the grey and blue curtains Effie was so fond of without any care and pointing at the sky. "Here! Do you see? Do you see?"
He saw absolutely nothing worth noticing. The night sky was clear, not many clouds, the moon was half full…
"You're wasted." he accused.
"They're dancing!" Katniss insisted, giving a hard tug on his hand that reverberated all the way to his shoulder. It made him wince. He wasn't as young as he once was. "Look! Look! They're dancing!"
"Sure…" he frowned. "Who's dancing?"
"The stars!" Peeta chimed in from behind them.
He tried to join them at the window but tripped halfway there. His prosthesis couldn't have been properly on because it came loose. Effie gasped but it was nothing to Peeta's screams…
Both Haymitch and Effie bolted, certain that he had really hurt himself. They crouched next to him, tried to get him to stop panicking long enough to get a proper look…
"I lost my leg!" the young man shouted, waving his prosthetic in the air with a mix of horror and fascination. "I lost my leg!"
Katniss was screaming too now and soon took cover behind the couch, her head hidden in her arms as if to better protect herself from… Whatever.
Haymitch inspected the boy's stump but it didn't look swollen or damaged. It looked perfectly normal. Unlike their behavior…
He looked up at Effie, completely confused. "What the fuck's going on?"
She was frowning. "They are not drunk… They are tripping. They are high…" She shook her head and left Peeta to his care to go crouch next to Katniss. The girl flinched as soon as she placed a hand on her shoulder. "Katniss, darling…"
"Scary." Their fearless Mockingjay sniffed like a frightened child.
Effie barely blinked. "Yes, I know it can be scary. Can you tell me what you took, darling? It is very important…"
Katniss raised her head long enough for Haymitch to see her lips were wobbling and her grey eyes were full of tears. It was so unlike Katniss, he remained speechless.
"I'm scared, Mommy…" the girl whined.
And next thing you knew she had flung herself at Effie's neck with so much strength that Effie fell back, unable to move because there was a young woman half lying on her lap, sobbing her heart out into her neck. Effie's horrified expression might have been comical if the whole situation wasn't so… weird.
"There, there… Do not cry, dear…" Effie whispered, immediately wrapping her arms around Katniss as well as she could. "I know you must be very confused right now… But it is Effie, not… I am not your mother, darling. It is just me… Just Effie…"
That wasn't the thing to say.
"You don't want to be my mom anymore?" Katniss gasped and then she was wailing with so genuine distress that Haymitch couldn't help himself.
He tore the girl away from Effie with a small glare for his former escort and held her close, rocking her gently until she embraced him back. "Come on now, sweetheart. It's okay… It's okay…"
"Mommy doesn't love me anymore…" Katniss kept on wailing as if it made any sense at all.
"Nah, she's just confused… Of course, she loves you…" he denied, pressing a kiss on her dark hair. "Effie, tell her you love her."
"Oh, Katniss, of course, I love you…" Effie whispered, her own eyes full of tears now.
"And me!" Peeta interjected, tossing away his prosthesis, apparently losing interest, to crawl toward where they were all sitting on the floor. "You love me, Mommy?"
Haymitch was pretty sure Effie was three seconds away from bursting into tears. She forced a bright smile and opened her arms to the boy who immediately hugged her as if his life depended on it.
"Of course, I love you. Of course." she promised.
Katniss was finally calming down but he kept gently rocking her just in case.
He met Effie's eyes over their kids' head, at a loss.
"What the fuck?" he muttered.
"They are drugged…" she answered in a calm measured voice. "I do not know what they took but… Clearly some sort of hallucinogen…"
He shook his head. "They don't do drugs…"
"Do you think someone forced them?" she frowned, tossing a worried glance to the living-room's threshold and tightening her hold on Peeta. "Perhaps we should call someone…"
But if someone had attacked the kid… Why hadn't they finished the job? It didn't add up…
He carefully drew Katniss away from him. She wasn't happy about that and tried to snuggle right back against his chest but his grip on her shoulders was firm. "Sweetheart… Do you remember dinking or eating anything funny tonight? It's very important. Do you remember anything funny at all?"
She thought that over for so long Haymitch almost gave up.
"Cake." she said eventually.
"Cake?" he repeated, just to be sure.
"Cake weird…" Peeta mumbled in Effie's neck. "Cake took the leg. Mommy, tell my leg to come back…" He looked up at her with a goofy smile, his concern for the leg apparently forgotten. "I love you."
Haymitch snorted. "Well… They're much nicer when they're high…"
Effie pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes at him and tilted her head in a fashion that told him he was going to get in trouble soon. "I love you too. Now… The cake was weird? Did you buy it or did you make it? Do you remember?"
"I made it!" Peeta beamed. "Do you wanna see?" He tried to stand up, completely forgetting about the missing leg, and would have probably fallen down if Effie hadn't quickly kept him right where he was with a firm grip. The young man misinterpreted though. "You don't wanna see?" Fear flashed on his face and he tried to struggle away from Effie. "Don't burn me! Don't burn me! I'll be nice, I promise! Please, Mom!"
A lick of hatred burned in Haymitch's chest. If that woman hadn't already been dead…
"That's your other mom, Peeta, remember?" he said calmly. "Effie's nice. Effie helps."
"I would never hurt you, darling…" Effie promised, her voice tight with emotions that were probably best left unsaid. Haymitch was pretty sure it was better all around that Mrs Mellark died when she did. One of them would have ended up murdering her for the abuse she had made Peeta go through.
"Never ever?" Peeta frowned.
"Never ever…" she repeated with a touch of amusement.
Katniss dug her chin into Haymitch's shoulder. "I wanna go look at the dancing stars again."
He waved in the direction of the window. "Knock yourself out. Literally if possible."
"Haymitch!" Effie snapped before softening her voice again to address Peeta. "Did you put something in the cake, darling? For a surprise, perhaps? To have fun?"
The young man shook his head.
"I wanna see the stars!" Katniss insisted, rising her voice.
"Then, go." Haymitch lost patience and gave her a little shove so she would get off his lap – she was far too old for that anyway – and go to the window.
She looked shocked and turned to Peeta and Effie, her lips wobbling again. "Dad doesn't love me anymore!"
And she was crying again as if it made any sort of sense.
They should probably be troubled by her readiness to believe they didn't love her.
"Oh, sweetie, no…" Effie winced. "Of course, Haymitch loves you."
She glared at him until he rolled his eyes.
"Oh, come on!" he spat. "Everyone knows she's my favorite."
He tossed a guilty look to Peeta but the boy didn't seem disturbed. He had reached out to pet Katniss' hair, content to remain propped against Effie's chest.
"Dad's nice." Peeta told her with such casualness that Haymitch's heart missed a beat. He had never thought he would hear that particular word directed at him and he now understood why Effie was so teary with all the moms being tossed around. It was… odd and… "He gave me sugar for the cake."
And then his heart missed another beat for a completely different reason.
"What sugar?" he asked.
He didn't remember lending any sugar. He remembered trying to fix the broken bread box earlier that day and Peeta wandering in asking if he could borrow some stuff from their pantry. He had waved his permission and hadn't really checked what the young man was taking. But it hadn't been sugar for sure. Sugar was kept in a cupboard in the kitchen, not in the pantry.
"Haymitch?" Effie's voice was suspicious. Far too suspicious.
He made a face. "Boy, the sugar… It wasn't in an green glass jar, right?"
Peeta was too far gone to care. He shrugged, now completely enthralled by Katniss' braid. The girl was back to giggling so… Haymitch kept his peace.
"Haymitch." There was a definite touch of steel to Effie's voice now. "What was in that jar?"
"No clue." he honestly answered. "Elis gave it to me years ago…"
"Elis? Elis Hayes?!" she exclaimed.
"Shh! You're gonna make them cry again!" he panicked, tossing a look to the kids who were now very busy touching each other's face. "Yeah, Elis Hayes. Helped her out with a thing once… She gave me the jar as a thank you but I've got no clue what's in it… I never touched it."
"Really?" she scoffed. "Six's notorious junky victor gave you a jar full of 'sugar' and you did not think it could be drugs?"
He rolled his eyes. "Sure, I knew it was drugs. Don't know what kind. You know I ain't into… that."
Unlike some present people he knew who had sometimes liked to experiment… But he didn't say that. He figured he was in enough troubles as it was.
"And you kept it all this time?" She scowled. She was angry, that much was clear.
"Kept it around in case liquor grew scarce." he shrugged. "I forgot about it."
Her lips were pursed. She placed a hand on the kids' forehead as if to check their temperature…
"If it looks like sugar… My first guess is cocaine but they do not seem too… They would have overdosed already." she said, far too calmly. She wasn't calm at all. She was just hiding behind her escort mask.
"I forgot it was there!" he repeated defensively. "He didn't say he wanted sugar… And it was at the back of the fucking highest shelf!"
"Get them off the floor." she ordered. "I will go check if there is some left. We need to know what they took. If it is something dangerous we might need to get them to the clinic or call for help."
And it would be all over the press the next morning.
"Katniss." he said just as Effie was about to leave the room. "The morphling…"
"Hopefully, it won't cause a relapse." Effie snapped.
But even if it didn't cause a relapse, she would feel bad for a few days at least. And all because he had been stupid enough to keep some drugs in a jar in the pantry. To his defense, when he had put it in there he had been living alone and had had not reason to think that would change a decade later but…
Coaxing the kids off the rug and to the couch was difficult. At long last, he just grabbed Peeta under the armpits and dragged him there, which caused the young man to laugh so hard Haymitch was afraid for a second that the boy would pee himself. Katniss wanted to be carried and didn't want to understand she was too big and heavy for him to lift up.
"What are you?" he growled. "Five or twenty-one?"
"Please, daddy…" she pouted.
All things considered, it was probably lucky he never had any kids of his own because he clearly had a hard time saying no when that word was tossed coupled with adorable pouts.
He did end up carrying Katniss to the couch and he did end up looking away in disgust when she and Peeta started kissing like there would be no tomorrow. With tongues. He could see their tongues. It almost made him gag.
He was awkwardly trying to get them to stop when Effie stormed back in, waving the dusty glass jar he hadn't seen in years.
"Good news, it is not cocaine." she declared. "Bad news, I think it is a hallucinogen that was popular a decade or so ago. Not addictive though, more recreational."
"Your knowledge of drugs is disturbing, sweetheart." he replied.
"Be glad for it." she snapped. "There isn't much left of the cake. With the amount of the drug they swallowed… This won't get better until tomorrow. We should make sure they drink plenty of water… You will have some explaining to do, they won't thank you in the morning."
"So much for date night…" he grumbled an hour later.
An hour Katniss had spent insisting there were dancing cats in the middle of the living-room – everything was dancing in her hallucinations for some reasons. Peeta was better behaved, he was happy to run his hands on the surface of the couch and marvel at the perceived softness.
He supposed they should have been happy the hallucinations were mild and not terrifying. That was what Effie was afraid of and she was determined to keep them happy in case they started seeing awful things – with their respective past, it wasn't to be ruled out.
"So much for the puppy I almost let you buy." she retorted coldly.
Still furious, then.
He focused on keeping Peeta from licking the couch – because 'it's so soft, Dad' as if that was a valid argument.
"Why do they keep calling us Mom and Dad, sweetheart?" he frowned. "It's… weird."
"I do not know…" she hummed, deftly braiding Katniss' hair again while the girl laughed at imaginary dancing cats. "Their subconscious, perhaps? We are parental figures of sort to them, after all." She flashed him a smile. "Why? Is it giving you ideas?"
He snorted. "That ship has sailed, sweetheart."
Truth be told, he was in a mental place where children wouldn't have been the worst thing. But they were too old to have them the normal way and they would never have qualified for adoption, not with his alcoholism and her escort past.
"I am afraid that ship will never sail and is currently invading our living-room." she countered with a small smile for Katniss who had just tugged on her sleeve and pointed at one of her invisible cats. "Why, what a funny thing for that cat to do, darling…" She tossed Haymitch a look. "At least they are having fun."
Their 'fun' lasted long into the night.
Peeta was the calmest and the lack of prosthesis kept him mostly in one place but Katniss was buzzing with energy and she kept trying to sneak out of the living-room. It was a relief when she finally dropped asleep with her legs on Haymitch's lap and her head on her boyfriend's stomach.
"Go to bed." Haymitch told Effie in a mutter, because the three of them were piled on the couch and there was no more space for her. "I'm gonna keep an eye on them."
She refused to leave when the children might need her though, so she ended up making a nest for herself on the plushy rug in front of the fireplace. They got a few hours of sleep even though at some point, Peeta slipped off the couch to go curl up with Effie as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Then again, Katniss shifted around in her sleep until she was more or less slumped over Haymitch so…
"Our kids are weird, Princess." Haymitch muttered because he knew Effie wasn't sleeping either.
"Weird but ours." she answered with obvious affection.
Theirs perhaps but very very pissed off when they woke up around noon the next day with the worst hangover of their lives and fuzzy memories of all the embarrassing things they had done during the night.
Haymitch was very keen on reminded them of every little detail…