based on the following episodes: pilot (1x01), stage fighting (1x03), jade dumps beck (1x05), the worst couple (3x03)
disclaimer: victorious its characters belong to its respective owner.
ii. it takes ten seconds to split the world apart
her fears and insecurities
Jade West was a girl people feared. She was a tough, unwavering, and despite the fact that she only showed her vulnerable side to less than a handful of people, everyone still knew that she was someone that shouldn't be messed with. They know she's never scared of letting her thoughts be known. They know she'll never hold back in fight. They know that she could ruin lives if she wanted to, and no one dared to get past that.
But what others failed to notice was how the girl's icy blue eyes would chip, a little more often than they knew.
She wasn't fearless but she was good at hiding her fears. And a number of them happened to be the same ones that kept her up in the morning, as she basked in her thoughts that caused a lump to form on her throat, that she found hard to swallow. And when she wakes up in the later that day, she'll act like nothing happened and would be tougher than she usually was, with a pair of scissors hidden in her clothes and her words sharper than ever.
But nevertheless, she never thought there would come a day that she had to face each one.
For one, the girl was always terrified that there would come a day, the boy she grew to love would fall for someone else. Someone better than her. Someone who everyone approved of. Someone everyone loved.
And although Beck Oliver didn't settle for easy, a part of her had also been nagging in her head saying that if he meets someone that proved him wrong—someone that wasn't easy but wasn't as unreasonable as she was—he would eventually fall for that person and leave.
It was a fear that presented itself in her jealousy and possessiveness, a fear that was aggravated when sweet and nice Tori Vega entered the picture.
The first time she encountered Tori Vega was actually during the Big Showcase, but she never counted that because she didn't care until one day, she entered Sikowitz's class only to find the new girl rubbing an arm on Beck like every other person that threw themselves at him.
She didn't mind it that much at first, because Jade believed that Tori was like every other girl. That—although she was mad at Beck, for possibly leading on another girl she would have to worry about—she thought was nothing out of the ordinary, other than being the new girl of Hollywood Arts.
And although Jade did get revenge by pouring coffee on the new girl's head, the next day, when Tori Vega came back to class, a feeling in her gut told her that she lost. Because no one ever came back when she was set out to destroy their life.
So, when she catches Beck from in front of her, smirk at the new girl's determination, Jade West felt constricted, like it was harder to breathe. She felt threatened.
And even more so, when by the end of the alphabet improv, Tori Vega says, "Kiss me."
"Let's do it."
Hearing those three words come out from his mouth, when he could literally have said anything else, hurt as much as a punch in the gut or a cut of a knife. Especially when she watched the boy she loved kiss her now-sworn-enemy on stage, in front of the entire class.
She fiddled around with their matching necklace in hopes of calming herself down. She tightens her grip on the necklace they had, that showed everyone that he was hers just as much as she was his—as if it would make everything better.
It's just a stage kiss, she tries to keep the thought in her head, reminding herself that often times Beck Oliver got lost in his role when it came to acting. She tried her best to assure herself that he loved her; that he was going out with her and nobody else. But the tight pain in her chest and the lump forming in her throat, said otherwise as tears threatened to fall from her eyes.
It wasn't the good type of pain. It felt as if her nightmares relived itself. Because she figured that one day this was bound to happen. That another girl would swoop in. That Beck will finally know that a girl hidden in the darkness of the night cannot be compared to a girl was basking in sunshine; a girl that had everything she didn't.
Because other than the fact that she knows she isn't good enough for him, there had also been countless of nights that she cried herself to sleep, recalling those remarks and gossip from everyone, wondering why Beck settled for someone like her. And at that point, she didn't know if she was tearing up from the pain or from the anger that ran in her veins.
But Jade West would never cry in front of class. It wouldn't be her.
So, she sucks it up, and puts her guard up, inching away from his chair, blending into the crowd. She closes herself into her mind, finding a distraction to keep her from breaking down. She keeps her mask on; she was an actress after all, and all she had to do was act like everything was fine—an act she put on all the time.
By the time the improv is over, with one look at Jade West, Beck Oliver could tell that he messed up badly. That he just broke her trust and crushed it into a million tiny pieces, because as soon as the bell rang, she was gone.
Beck didn't see Jade for the rest of their classes that day. But even if he did, he knew she wouldn't be talking to him. And honestly, he didn't know what to do.
Having been together for nearly two years, he had witnessed many sides of her. The Jade who took charge, who got piercings 45 minutes after her mom told her that she couldn't. He knew of the childish her, the petty Jade that always sought revenge. He had tamed the furious side of her, the one that could rile him up if he had been on the receiving end of her anger; the Jade he so often fought with, the girl with the demeanor people feared, the caricature of herself that waged war on others.
But the part of her that he always found hard to deal with, was when she was nothing like the Jade he knew of. Her vulnerable self; the girl beyond the dark clothes and eyeliner, the girl who stopped fighting, the girl who ran away from him, the girl who shut people out.
Beck Oliver would rather deal with the Jade West that screamed at the top of her lungs than the girl who closed herself off from others. Because even if he was usually unfazed by everything else, a small part of him believes that one day she would also shut him out; and the thought of it left an unsettling feeling in his gut.
So, as soon as school ends, he spends nearly two hours to search for her on campus, before Cat informs him that someone saw Jade take the bus home. He immediately drives to her house, only to find out that her mother's home was empty; and he recalls all the moments she complained about that place and how she didn't like being left alone. Midway his search, he realizes the one place she could hide in, the safest place she actually called home.
When he parks in his parents' driveway, he barely takes time to grab his bag before he rushes to his RV and pulls his door open. He finds her sitting at the foot of his bed, absorbed in her thoughts as she scribbles in her journal.
His heart softens almost immediately at the sight of her, and relief washes over him.
"Hey," he speaks up, to let her know he's home, as if to test the waters.
She looks up to meet his eyes. She doesn't speak up, but he notices how her makeup was thinner; how her eyelids were swollen from tears.
"Jade" Beck calls her softly.
"Why did you do it?" she asks him, as she wraps her arms around herself protectively.
He didn't know how to explain himself in a way that wouldn't upset her. In the first place, it wasn't his first stage kiss, and although most times it did piss Jade off, it never made her sad. Because it was nothing more than a stage kiss, and she knew that, and after a quick fight that would escalate in make-up sex, everything was usually all good again.
He didn't know why this one was different, why it hurt her, why it made her cry. So, even though he tries his best to assure her, a part of him didn't know how to.
"Jade, it's—"
"It's just a stage kiss. Right," she cuts him off almost immediately, before she began rambling. "But you could've said so many other things. 'Let's not, I have girlfriend', 'Like it or not I don't want to', ' Literally anything else.' But yeah, just a stage kiss"
"Babe, I'm sorry," he sits down in front of her, fully aware that she was hurt; and in truth, he really felt bad that he was the one who hurt her.
"You had a choice, Beck. Why is it so hard for you to say 'no'?" her voice cracks, and tears start falling down her face, and he takes the opportunity to pull her into an embrace.
"If you're planning on leaving someday, please just—do it now" she tries to tell him in between sobs, and he cups her face to kiss her tearstained eyes.
"Hey," he tries to speak up again. "I love you."
"It really was just a stage kiss. Hype the audience, what not. I don't like her that way. I have you and I love you" Beck continues, wondering if it was just due to her fear of abandonment. But he didn't—couldn't understand, what the fearless Jade West was afraid of.
"I won't leave you, I promise" he assures her with another kiss on her forehead, hoping to let her know that they're okay, that he really was there to stay.
Oftentimes, the girl fears that Beck Oliver would realize he deserved better. After all, she was well aware of the fact that he could get any girl he wanted if he tried. He was a heartthrob, and although he was often too kind and too nice that he led people on, nevertheless, he wasn't a player. And she knew she was so goddamn lucky that he loves her out of so many others.
But Jade West knew that just because she was different doesn't mean she was special. Because why would anyone choose a girl who always fought against everyone; a girl with weird and disturbing interests; a girl who basked in the darkness; a girl who doesn't want to be happy; a girl who found pain as some sort of comfort; a girl with so much baggage?
Most days, she wondered why he settled for her.
She knows that even though there were times that the childish side of him found ways to make her jealous, there were also times he finds her exhausting. She knows that even though there were times that he'd find himself shouting back at her in a screaming match, there were also times he was exhausted; times he might prefer easy.
That's why, when Andre Harris exposed her to both Tori Vega and Beck Oliver, that one time she faked a black eye when they were stage fighting, she expected him to be furious. She expected him to nag at her, to have another screaming match, to have him side with sweet Tori Vega like he always did. But he didn't.
"I got your coffee" Beck hands it to her, right after Andre uses him as a shield against Jade.
"Why aren't you mad at me?" she asks, wondering if he even heard what his best friend just said. Noticing how Jade was distracted by her boyfriend, Andre takes his chance to make a run for it, eager to tell Tori and eager to run away from Jade,
"That you faked a black eye?" he turns to her before admitting, "I already knew that."
"What?" the brunette just stares at Beck, dumbfounded with how he let her get away with it.
"I was really worried at first, of course. But when you told Tori 'and I thought we were just starting to be friends', I kinda figured it out," he points out, knowing how much animosity she held towards the newest addition to their group.
She notices the other students in the hallway sneaking glances at them, so she pulls him towards the janitor's closet to keep the conversation private. And as soon as she closes the door, a question escapes her lips, "Why?"
"Why I let you get away with it?" he completes her question for her, and answers thereafter, "Because I know that you'd still hate her. I know that I can't always side with Tori, but I also thought it'd be nice if you learned to get along."
She doesn't get it.
She doesn't understand why he let her get away with things but call her out some other times. She can't grasp why he did so much for her, when she can't even do one nice thing for him. She can't accept the fact, that often times, despite how she brought trouble—despite how she was a partial reason to why he was living in an RV instead of his parent's house—he still stayed. She didn't understand why of all people he chose to stay with her.
Because the truth was: Jade West doesn't think she deserved him—and that was the very same reason why she feared that one day he would realize that she was right.
"Why do you put up with me?" she asks out of the blue, as if that was what her initial question was. And at that he couldn't help but think about all the little moments she asked things that was unlikely of her to.
Though a part of him hopes not, another part worries that even after the one-year-and-almost-eleven-monthsthat they dated, she might not even trust him.
"Because easy is boring," is all he says, as he pulls her into an embrace, and kisses the top of her head.
The girl was scared of herself, that one day she would be the one to destroy them. Because Jade West was aware that she was a ticking time-bomb. That more often that she'd like, her emotions overwhelm her. That more often that she wanted, it was something she couldn't control.
She absolutely loathed that. She hated her lack of control, because all her problems always seem to be out of her grasp. Her parent's divorce, her jealousy, her life, the external factors in her relationship with Beck (i.e. Tori Vega and all the other pretty girls).
So, she does the one thing she knew she was best at. She fights. Because it was the only way she knew to protect what she had; to protect herself and to keep him by her side. After all, she did grow up in home that wasn't a perfect example of a healthy relationship. She grew up, hiding in the closet, binging on the comfort of ice cream, trying to shut the world out, as she hears the evident screams of her parents. She grew up with sleepless nights and somehow, even when everything was silent, the rage inside of her was never quelled.
A part of her hated the world. She was mad at the universe because she didn't know what they had that she didn't. She would curse other people's happiness because somehow, she couldn't understand why it was easy for them.
So, the moment she finds out the gorgeous socialite Alyssa Vaughn was flirting with her boyfriend, a part of her panics and she loses her shit.
Jade knows she messed up when she broke up with him. She knows that he had a point, that she should just trust him. But a part of her knows that just because she trusts him, doesn't mean she can't lose him. She knows that trust doesn't come easy but at the same time she wishes that he knew where she was coming from.
And that part of her made her hate her self-destructive behavior. She hated that she always dropped the ultimatum. She hated that she's still the one that came running back. She hated that Beck refused to take her back, and that he had a perfectly good reason to do so.
She hated that of all people she had to ask Tori Vega. Because she finds it harder to ask help from the people that she was closest to, and out of everyone, Tori was the nearly a stranger. Yet, a part of her thinks that he might have a soft spot for the nice girl. After all, more often than not, everyone took Tori's side.
She hated many things, and especially, she hated that she had to show weakness.
Beck Oliver knows that he wasn't in the healthiest relationship with Jade West. He knows that dating her would mean that he had to tolerate her jealousy, that he would have to gain her trust. And gaining trust from the blue-eyed maiden, was as likely as him bothering to clean up his fish tank. At times he almost seemed to think that it was impossible.
Dating Jade meant that he had to be able to calm her down; to assure her. He would have to protect her from her vulnerability; all the while protecting their relationship from everyone else who held their own opinion against them. He had to move to an RV parked in his parent's driveway, because he couldn't stand the thought of his parents nagging him every single day to break up with her, telling him that he could do better.
Jade West was in no means easy, and he was well aware of that fact.
But sometimes he thinks that perhaps what he did was never enough for her, because a part of him knows that there is another side to Jade West. That no matter how much she denies it, there was a part of her that pushes him away. And contrary to popular belief, he wasn't as mature as he seemed. In fact, that other side him—the one that gave her noogies, the one that started tickle fights, the one that bickered with her—often got the best of him. Because more often than not, there were times he purposely had her act out on her jealousy.
Because unlike him, his girlfriend rarely told him that she loved him. And the only form of affection he got from her, the only way he was sure of her feelings, was when she was furious, when she was threatened, when she fought for him.
He knows he's a jerk for that. But honestly, when he told Tori Vega that 'he couldn't remember the last time Jade did one nice thing for him', he was speaking the truth.
What he didn't know was that Jade West never had the most conventional way of showing affection. In the first place, she didn't necessarily have the best example. A father who cheated and let his family walk out on him, and a mother who switches boyfriends every now and then, weren't exactly the type people she could base a relationship on.
Jade wasn't good with relationships. She already warned him before they even became official. So, when she confronts Tori the next day, in hopes to finally get Beck back, she was surprised to hear what he thought. And although she didn't say it, a part of her felt offended when they admonished her for getting him a can of lemonade for his birthday. Because she thought he always knew what she meant.
Because for her, it was much more than a can of lemonade.
It was a metaphor. A reminder of their relationship; of how they met when he first drenched her with lemonade, and how she dumped coffee on him. It was a memory that showed just how much they changed throughout the years, and just how much she was thankful that they were still together. A message to show that despite how much she hated the beverage, she would still get it for him, a million times more if he even asked. It was a small gesture, but it showed how much she was willing to sacrifice as much as he did for her.
And although she wasn't expressive, she thought it was a meaningful way of showing just how much she loved him. She had the mind of an artist after all, and she thought the best thing she could give him was object that meant something for her.
She was terrified of the realization that Beck may not even know her that well. But she doesn't give up. She refuses to stop fighting for their relationship, because fighting was the only thing she was good at (other than running away).
And as much as she hated to admit it, Tori Vega was right. She had to think bigger than beverages.
So, she gets him a dog; because he always spoke about how much he loved dogs ever since she got close to him, ever since they shared things about one another. And maybe it was a lot more cliche and boring than she liked, but she hoped that he'd realize that she did care.
Although, Jade West and nice never really went together, because the next thing they know, the dog bugs out and mauls Beck's father. And even though a part of her was scared that Beck was the one being attacked by the Rottweiler and another part was terrified that she lost all hope to get back together with him, she was completely relieved when she finds out that he wasn't in the RV. That he was safe in front of her.
When they finally get the chance to talk, albeit with the cost of his parents' favoring her less than they already do, he could see the fear in her eyes. He notices why she got him a dog, that she had always been listening to what he said, perhaps even the dumb stuff. He was honestly surprised that she even went so far as to get help from Tori, despite how much she antagonized the girl. He realizes that maybe Jade West does care. And he knows that he really loves her so damn much.
"Tori told me to get you a dog."
"Dude."
"Okay, it was kind of my idea," Jade accepts the blame, but this time she tries to explain herself because she wasn't so sure that he'd understand the meaning behind her gesture. So, she rambles, "but I-I didn't think the dog would bug out like that. I just wanted you to have a dog, because I know you've talked about getting one ever since I met you, and I thought that maybe—"
He cuts her off with a kiss. He couldn't even let her finish because he missed her so much, and for now, this was more enough for him. And the moment his lips part from hers, and she looks up at him with innocent blue eyes, she couldn't help but say, "You love me again."
"Who said I stopped?" he tells her, because it was the truth. And he couldn't wait to wrap his arms around her, and to pepper her with kisses, to make up for the time they spent away from each other.
Because even with all their dumb fights, he never stopped loving her for a single moment.
There were some nights, the girl was kept awake by the anxiety in her veins, cause by the fear that one day, Beck Oliver would realize that everyone was right. She knows that there were more than enough times that he insisted that they were fine, that they didn't have to listen to the remarks against them, against their relationship. Hell, he moved to an RV to get his parents off his back.
But sometimes, when the blue-eyed girl finds herself scared, she gets defensive. She fights him, because that's the one pointer she got in relationships. That fighting was normal between boyfriends and girlfriends, and that it was something they've always done. Something about that assured her, because as long as Beck Oliver fought with her, it meant that they were still together— that he didn't give up.
Although, that wasn't always enough to ease the paranoia in her veins, because there were other times. Times she knows that he let out an exasperated sigh, moments that showed just how tired he was. She wasn't dumb enough to see that Beck was fed up. But she didn't know how else to prove that they were fine. That they were going to be okay.
Beck had always been the one to assure her; it was hard to do it in his place because she had absolutely no idea how to. And if he himself doubted their relationship, to her it just meant that every single thing that he told her for the span of almost three years were just empty words.
It had been three years, and despite everything they were still together. They changed through time. In fact, her long brown hair had been cut into a medium length, dyed into black locks with her usual colorful highlights. Their fights eventually changed too. And although it wouldn't be Beck & Jade if they didn't argue, oftentimes it turned more hurtful than it was meant for teasing. She was the only one who can rile him up so damn much, and sometimes he lost control of those emotions.
Being in a relationship with Jade meant that things weren't easy; and Beck didn't like easy, she knew that much. That's why sometimes she acted out of the caricature of herself, in fear that one day he'd realize he was wrong about her—about them. She was afraid to lose her strength, the part of her he loved so much; so she refuses to show her vulnerability, because that would mean he'd lose interest.
She knew that their bickering was getting out of hand, but she didn't think he would say it in front of all those people.
"I'm not happy with our relationship!"
The words he said that day, felt like a bus ran into her. It was all her fears running through her head like a nightmare. She couldn't even gather enough energy—enough hope—to fight back. They were entitled the Worst Couple, and although normally she wouldn't let that affect them, she knew this time it was different. Because somehow, it seemed like it was too much for Beck.
So, she does the next best thing she always did. She runs away from him. Because even if they were an on-and-off couple, it was always Jade who initiated the breakup, and it was Beck who took her back. But what if, there would come a time that Beck was finally the one who says it? She doesn't think she could take it.
Jade West was a runner. When things get tough, although initially she tries to fight, when all else fails, she escapes.
When Beck refuses to let go of her hand, and let her run away from him, he drags her to the Janitor's Closet. Because while she didn't want to talk about it, he knew that they had to.
Because, although she never vocalized her worries, Jade was right; Beck was tired.
He was sick of hearing all those things from others, from his parents, and even from his friends. It was like the whole world was out to get them, and sometimes, he wasn't even sure about how Jade felt. Because Jade West always closed herself up; because no matter how many years it passed, he still found it hard to break past her walls. And sometimes, he didn't even know if she loved him. Because Jade never said it as much as he did, and she showed it even less.
He wasn't sick of fighting but he was sick of fighting with her.
So, he tries his best to talk to her about it even if it meant that he had to drag her around the hallway to the closet, while she screamed 'kidnapper.'
"This is not funny"
"Right!" she agrees wholeheartedly, expressing how she felt, "What's funny is you freaking out over a dumb game show!"
"We were voted Worst Couple, and the other two couples weren't even real couples!" he argues, "One had Robbie in it!"
"Why do you care if we were voted Worst Couple?" her voice cracks, but they were too busy raising their voices at each other that he failed to notice.
But at that moment Jade was scared. They never cared about what other people thought of them. Their opinions never mattered. Their words never got to them. And yet, for once, a part of her fears that Beck is finally listening to what everybody else said, reverting to how he was back then. She was scared that what mattered more to him was appeasing others.
But she didn't want them to be the one to put a label on their relationship. And she was scared that Beck was actually allowing them to.
She was terrified of the thought that one day, he'll stop fighting for them. But a small part of her hoped, that Beck Oliver was different from everyone, that his words have always been true, and it wasn't just some pathetic lie. So, she gives him a choice.
That's why she drops the ultimatum later that day when they find their friends in the Vega household, hanging out without them.
"If I get to ten and you're not out there, I'm going home. And we're over."
She closes the door and waits outside like she said she would. A million thoughts run across her head. All her fears were gnawing on her mind.
"One"
She grips unto the hope—the small light she held—that he really loved her. That by the time it was over, they'd make up. She'd apologize to him. She'd tell him everything she felt, even if it meant that he'd mean the fragile side of Jade West. She'd ask him to tell her he loves her. And everything would be okay again.
"Two"
He was at a loss for words, exasperated by how she could make him evaluate their relationship in less than ten seconds. He wasn't sure he could, because then his judgement would be clouded. The only thoughts that had been running through his mind was everything that happened for the last few weeks, how fed up he was, how every time he tried to have a sane conversation with her, they ended up at each other's throats. He didn't want to decide so impulsively, because in all honestly, he didn't want to waste what they had built for three years.
"Three"
She's worried, because for her, Beck Oliver was the only person she had for herself. And it was a lot harder to give something up, when you had nothing else left. That's why she did so much to protect them, because fighting is the only way she knows how to protect what she had; and she didn't know it'd eventually ruin them instead. She wonders if he even knew the reason behind her actions. She wonders if he ever listened to her at all—if he ever understood why she was the way she was.
"Four"
He knows that he didn't want to lose her. That even if they were in a rough spot, he couldn't bear to let go of her hand. A part of him knows that it's toxic. But even as he lets out a sigh, he knows he couldn't help it. So, he walks towards the door, because maybe—just maybe— they could have a decent conversation over dinner. He walks towards the door because he really did love her.
"Five"
She wonders how he even let her get to that number. The small flicker of hope diminishes, but she tries to tell herself that she was only halfway done. But another part of her nags him that it shouldn't be hard to open the door. She curses herself for even arguing with herself. She agonizes the fact that she can't stop fighting, with others, with herself, with him.
"Six"
She could hear Trina jump at him from the other side door. And honestly, she just wanted to open the stupid door and get back in that house to get her off him. If she did, she'd also throw a hammer at the obnoxious Vega sister just like she warned a few minutes ago before she closed the door. But she holds her ground, and even waits until the ruckus is over, before shouting out the next number.
"Seven"
He nearly turns the knob. He thinks that maybe all his doubts were wrong, and everything would go back to the way it was. That eventually, they'll just end up destroying each other. He suppresses the voice screaming in his head to just open the goddamn door. He just stands there.
"Eight"
She just wanted to get it over with. She knows he's there. She knows he's still thinking. She knows he might not even open the door. And at that moment her emotions seem to be too much for her. Anger, pain, betrayal, pride, disappointment and all else fought in her, and it was just too much—too painful— that she had to keep them in, refusing to throw away her mask. She honestly didn't know how to talk to him even if he opened the door.
"Nine"
He thinks it's just a farce. A part of him thinks that maybe they just needed time. That he just needed to cool off. By the end of the night, he'd be calm enough, they'd be able to talk. He'd find her in his RV and they'll make up with each other. And everything would turn out okay. So he tells himself repeatedly not to open the door, no matter what he felt when she got to ten.
"Ten"
She knows he isn't coming. She waits a second, before attempting to open the door, just in case he was behind it, just to be sure that she didn't count too quickly. But she stops herself: from opening the door, from looking back, from breaking down.
It took a mere ten seconds to split her entire world apart.
As she walks home, she knows that her old self would probably be laughing at her; scorning her for believing in him, for letting him in, for allowing him to hurt her. She suddenly feels the suppressed hatred she had for herself. And even though she expected it, a part of her was hurt that no one bothered coming after her, no one tried to even see if she was okay, because Jade West was always barely managing to be okay. But another part of her was relieved, because no one would see her weakness just like he had, and no one would be given another chance to enter her world.
She wanted to laugh at herself for wallowing in self-pity. After all, a part of her had always known, no one loved her. She couldn't even love herself, so why would he?
When she opens the door to her house, she barely even recognizes that it wasn't empty. She doesn't acknowledge her mother or her little brother who catches a sight of her climbing up to her room. She just shuts the door, and when she did, she shut everyone else out alongside him.
The moment the door slams, Jade West breaks into pieces. She doesn't even take a moment to change out of her clothes or wash her make up off. She just falls into her bed and almost as if her walls shattered into pieces, she finally lets everything out.
Beck Oliver let her leave—let her walk out the door—in the very same way her dad didn't go after her mom. And to her, that was the only proof she needed to be able to tell that Beck didn't love her enough to chase after her; that everything he told her had only been pretty lies and empty words to get close and to leave her vulnerable.
The tears she held back all this time, runs down her face. She tries to suppress her sobs, but to no avail, she fails. The most she could do was mute herself with her pillow, and she stays up through the night, eventually waking up to tear-stained sheets.
Her eyes were swollen, and she knew she had to use a little bit more make up than usual to hide the fact that she was a wreck. She doesn't dare to wear their matching necklace anymore, but she keeps it hidden in her pocket unknown to everyone; because she couldn't let him go just yet. She decides to go to school despite the strong urge to skip because she couldn't afford to throw away her scholarship. After all, it the only reason she was allowed to enter Hollywood Arts much to her parent's disapproval.
She chooses to go to school because she couldn't let her hard work go to waste. She couldn't let her emotions get the best of her and stop her from doing what she loved. But she also couldn't allow herself to appear weak in front of everyone. And she doesn't want to let everyone else know that she was breaking inside. She doesn't want to show people that Beck Oliver had her.
So, she puts on her mask, like her typical actress self, and tries to keep a mindset that she was going to face an audience and that she shouldn't break character as if her life were just a performance and she was casted as Jade West.
Not her current self, but the Jade West before she met Beck Oliver. The girl that didn't give a crap about what others thought, that terrified people at the sight of her, that was never bothered about the fact that she was alone. She wasn't going to let anyone else hurt her anymore.
But more than anything else, she didn't want anyone else to know about how Beck Oliver just proved her fears right. And with just one look, people wouldn't even be able to tell how much she was hurting inside, because Jade West went to school that day, appearing way more confident that she ever had.