A/N: Hey guys! I don't usually write stuff like this but me and a friend had this idea about what if Nick was on Elliot's Organized Crime squad, and then what if Olivia and Nick had had sex before he was on Elliot's squad? This is the product of that. I'm not sure if this will be a two-parter or three, we'll see where my writing takes me. It's a pretty long chapter and filled with pretty wild sex but its basically canon that Nick Amaro is a freak so... just go with it. This chapter is Bensaro with a dash of EO but the story will get more EO as it goes. This is also set six months after Elliot left. And Noah and Zara don't exist anywhere in this universe. Enjoy :)
Olivia stared down at her phone, the dark screen taunting her. It had been six months since Elliot left Special Victims and he hadn't even so much as sent her a text message. He wouldn't answer any of her calls or return any of her voicemails. After three months she had just stopped reaching out. It felt pointless. But there was a small, dumb part of her that woke up every morning and wished that it would be the day Elliot finally talked to her again.
She had always struggled with depression - with her job and her life, it'd be worrisome if she didn't. But she always had the job to distract her from her own troubles. She always had Elliot. But how can you fight depression when the only thing that kept you fighting was gone? Not only gone, but completely disintegrated from your life without so much as a goodbye. Elliot was her rock. He was always there whenever she needed him, even if they were fighting. She relied on him. One could say codependent, but Olivia didn't care. He was her best friend. And now, she was alone.
"Liv?" Nick asked and Olivia's eyes flashed to his instantly, jolting out of her dissociative state. "You okay?" There was such genuine concern in his voice and in his eyes. He watched her carefully, always scared of how she'd react to him. He had heard about the great Benson and Stabler and knew he had big shoes to fill - especially if he wanted to gain Olivia's trust. And in SVU, partnership relied on trust.
"Yeah, I'm good," she replied softly. Nobody believed her when she said that anymore. But they knew it was about Elliot and knew she'd never open up beyond 'I lost my best friend' so they didn't push.
"We're heading out to get drinks, you wanna come?" Nick asked, a small tinge of hopefulness in his words. Olivia didn't come out with the squad almost ever. But it had been six months and it was getting sad. She gave a small smile, one filled with polite rejection, and Nick knew what was coming.
"I can't, I gotta get home," she responded. It's what she said every time. But they all knew that there was nothing at home. No partner, no kid, not even a pet. Olivia would open her door to an empty apartment and cry herself to sleep.
"Liv, c'mon. You never come out with us," Fin added and Nick looked over at him, quietly thanking him. It was one thing if Nick or Amanda invited Olivia out, but Fin was about the only one she ever trusted anymore. There was Munch and Cragen, but they didn't go out much. If anyone was going to get Olivia out, it would be Fin and Fin only.
She looked at him, eyebrow cocked as if to say 'Really? You're in on this now?' but with Fin, she knew that every polite no would be met with an even more desperate plea. So to Olivia's absolute dismay, she sighed, stood up and grabbed her coat from her chair. Nick tried to hide his smile and gave a small nod to Fin who nodded back. Olivia watched the interaction and rolled her eyes. "I'm only coming out for one drink."
"We'll see," Fin joked with a wink.
Olivia babysat her beer, fiddling with the label as the detectives all spoke amongst themselves. She thought about the last time she saw Elliot in the locker room; the way the veins in his arms stabbed through his skin as he grabbed his stuff. He was holding back tears - holding back the urge to punch the small metal door - and he wouldn't look at her. When she finally got his attention, his eyes locked with hers and there was a darkness she had never seen before. She begged him to talk to her, but he wouldn't say a thing, just slammed his locker and told her he couldn't do it anymore. And that was the last she had ever heard from him. It was possibly the last she'd ever hear from him.
"How about you, Liv?" Nick asked, again pulling Olivia out of her own thoughts.
"What're we talking about?" she asked, taking a sip of her beer. Her space outs were normal now, they all knew just to keep moving and not make it awkward.
"What was your superlative in high school?" Amanda asked, a small smile on her face. She looked up to Olivia and Olivia hated it. Not because of anything Amanda did, but because she didn't feel she was worthy of being looked up to.
"Biggest wild child," she said nonchalantly with a smirk before taking another sip. She wasn't necessarily proud of her high school shenanigans, but she knew the squad would have a field day with it.
"Biggest wild child?" Nick's tone screamed disbelief and his playful smile was sort of adorable to Olivia.
"Yup. There's a lot you don't know about me Amaro," Olivia joked with a small shrug. It came off a little more flirtatiously than she meant it to, but she hoped Nick understood what she meant.
He didn't.
Three hours passed and Olivia had effectively cured her depression with alcohol. She felt amazing. Fin had cut her off before she could go too far so she wasn't stumbling or slurring her words much, but she definitely felt better than she did before she walked into the bar. Amanda finally tapped out, prompting everyone to say their goodbyes. Nick, who had also had quite a few beers but could pass a sobriety test if needed, offered to ride with Olivia home. It felt like a golden opportunity for him to try and show Olivia she could trust him though she was a little too drunk to see the motive behind his actions. But, she thought it was still a sweet gesture and agreed.
The cab ride was quiet, but not awkward. Olivia enjoyed the view of the city out of her window and the feeling of the car moving. It was calming to her. Nick checked on her often, looking over to make sure she was alright and occasionally asking how she was feeling. Every time she'd reply 'great' with a smile. But there was a sadness looming over her, one the alcohol was helping her keep at bay. Memories of her and Elliot played over and over in her mind. Small moments like the last time he'd ever brought her coffee, and significant moments like the time he hugged her when she saved his wife and child. She remembered the first time he told her he loved her - it was platonic, of course. But it felt nice to her, knowing she meant something to him. She wondered what would have happened if she had ever told him how she really felt…
The car slowed to a stop and Olivia lifted her head to see where she was. The taxi had stopped in front of her apartment stoop and Nick hustled out, walking over to open her door and help her out. "How chivalrous," Olivia joked and Nick gave a small chuckle, grabbing her arm as she stepped out of the cab. As they walked up the stairs, Olivia locked her arm in his. She didn't necessarily need his support, but she was much more touch starved than she had realized. Nick didn't mind.
When they finally made it to Olivia's door, she stuck her key in and unlatched the lock before turning around to face Nick. "Thank you for tonight," she said softly.
"Of course, Liv," he said genuinely and Olivia looked into his eyes for a moment before leaning in and kissing him softly. It was gentle, like she was testing the waters. But as she pulled away and her eyes flicked from his lips back up to meet his eyes, she received all the confirmation she needed. Nick stepped closer, connecting their bodies, and his lips met hers again. This time was much different than the first - it was rough and hungry and filled with a sort of fire Olivia had never felt before. And god, it felt good. Nick's hand came up, holding the side of her face as if it was the only thing he could do to keep them connected. Olivia's tongue slowly flicked against his lower lip and was met with his tongue darting into her mouth. She fell back against the door and Nick pulled away, their breathing heavy and Olivia practically begging for the connection again. Her eyes jumped quickly between his lips and his eyes, trying to tell him what she needed.
"Liv," Nick sighed. "You're drunk and you're sad and I can't-," he started and Olivia cut him off.
"Nick, you're not taking advantage of me," she assured him, realizing where his hesitation was coming from. "I want this." It wasn't a complete lie. She did want this. But for all the wrong reasons. She wanted to stop thinking about Elliot for one night. She wanted to feel any type of pleasure, any type of escape from the sadness that would inevitably sneak its way in if she was alone. She wanted a rebound.
Nick looked at her for a moment, getting a reading of her emotions. "Are you sure?" He was nervous, and rightfully so. Him and Olivia had only been partners for six months and she didn't even seem like she trusted him, and now she wanted to sleep with him? He knew she was sad about Elliot, and he might just be a rebound for her. But he wasn't sure that would be so bad. Olivia was insanely attractive to him, especially when she let her guard down. So maybe tonight would be good for both of them.
Olivia looked into Nick's eyes with something he had never seen in her before. She leaned in till her lips were practically brushing his ear and Nick felt a shiver run through his body. "Positive," she whispered in a dark, husky voice. Nick thought he had much more strength but he was wrong. Olivia kissed the sensitive skin below his earlobe and he reached his arm around, turning her door handle and pushing the door open.
Olivia walked through the dark apartment, guiding Nick down the hall. She pushed her door open and dropped Nick's hand to walk over to her bedside table, flicking the small light on. As she turned around, she watched Nick grab the hem of his shirt and lift it above his head, revealing a body she never imagined. He was muscular and toned, every inch of his body defined. Olivia's mouth fell open slightly and Nick gave a small chuckle before walking over to her. He grabbed her hand and placed it against his chest, giving her permission to feel whatever she wanted. Her eyes stayed glued to her hand, slowly feeling across and trailing down. There was a light trail of hair spreading across his chest and down his stomach and every muscle was hard as rock. She had been with fit men, but Nick was an entirely different breed. Her hand made it to his waistband and he watched her intently. She grabbed his belt and began undoing the buckle before undoing the button on his pants and sliding the zipper down. Nick watched in amazement as Olivia kept her eyes locked on his, slid down his jeans, then his boxers and dropped to her knees. His erection sprang out and she saw the precum glisten at the top. She slowly licked it off, Nick grunting and throwing his head back. She put the tip in her mouth, covering it in saliva and sucking it off. She went in again, this time taking his dick to the back of her throat. Nick growled "Fuck, Liv," and wrapped his hand in her hair. As she coated his dick in saliva, this time she let it stay, pulling her mouth away and leaving Nick's dick soaked. Her right hand came up to the base of his penis and wrapped her fingers around it. She put it back in her mouth and her hand came up to meet it, twisting her hand up and down with her mouth. Her hand was getting sticky, as was her lips and the skin around it but she didn't care. The moans she was receiving from Nick and the feeling of his hands in her hair was more than distracting enough.
She stuck her tongue out, dragging it from the base of his penis to the tip and gave it a flick. She felt his legs twitch and realized she had found his spot. She wrapped her lips around his head, letting spit fall, and licked his tip.
Olivia never gave head during hook-ups usually. It felt oddly intimate to her and she didn't always know where the guy had been. But the alcohol was giving her a rush that she was in no mental shape to fight and Nick's hands in her hair were stirring something inside of her. She continued sucking before she felt Nick pull back, bending down to grab her chin lightly and prompting her to stand back up. With his hand still holding her chin, he kissed her. It was gentle but incredibly passionate and a first for Olivia. She had never been with a man who kissed her after his dick was in her mouth and it was hot. As he kissed her, his hand slid down, undoing the button on her jeans and slipping underneath the fabric. As he went deeper, he found her pool of wetness and groaned in her mouth. "God, you're so wet," he whispered, his voice much deeper and rougher than Olivia had ever heard out of him. It reminded her of Elliot and for a moment she thought about how he would sound saying it to her. But before the thought could trail further, Nick started guiding her to the bed, their lips still attached.
The kiss intensified, Nick's tongue licking every inch of her mouth. Olivia reached down, grabbed her shirt, and practically ripped it off her body. She didn't want this night to be slow and sensual, she wanted pleasure and sex and she wanted it then and there. She pushed her jeans down as far as she could without making the kiss awkward and kicked them off with her feet. Finally she broke the kiss and climbed back on the bed. Nick stared into her eyes as he pushed his jeans all the way down and kicked them to the side before slowly getting on his knees. Olivia watched him cautiously before his head disappeared in between her legs. His lips kissed softly on her inner thigh and Olivia's eyes fluttered shut. He saw her reactions and promptly placed another one on the other thigh, closer to her center, and this time sucked a little bit. It felt good, but Olivia didn't want any beating around the bush. She was ready.
As if he read her mind, his tongue swept across her clit and a jolt of electricity flared in Olivia. Her breath hitched, her hips twitched, and she threw her head back. She hadn't been eaten out in years and she had almost forgotten what it felt like. But this wasn't even close to what she remembered. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the lack of sex she'd had, but she felt unbelievable.
Nick glided his tongue from her clit, down to her entrance, and back up to flick her clit. He placed his tongue flat and slowly licked up, then again, and then again. He took the tip of his tongue and plunged into her, tasting her as completely as he could. Olivia was mesmerized. Nick's name slid out of her mouth in a soft breath and he smiled to himself, proud of how he was making her feel. Olivia let her body fall back, her hands coming up to grab his hair, urging him to continue his voyage of her. His tongue focused on her clit, causing Olivia's eyes to roll back. The immense pleasure running through her was causing her to forget all about… whoever it was she was sad about. God, she couldn't even remember his name. Right when she thought she was close Nick's tongue would slide in between her sensitive folds and she would go right back to square one.
Before Olivia could think about anything else, Nick pursed his lips and spit onto her clit, sending a sudden shiver up her body, before taking his tongue and licking it up. Olivia's mouth fell open, her breath getting caught in her throat. No sounds came out, but the way her hips rose gave Nick all the confirmation he needed. He gave a few more full slides of his tongue before finally standing up. He reached down to his jeans, going for his wallet to grab a condom before Olivia stopped him. "What're you doing?" she asked, missing the feeling of him already.
"Grabbing a condom," he responded and Oliva gave a small chuckle.
"Nick, it's fine," she said nonchalantly and he looked at her cautiously.
"You sure?" He was worried. Olivia was abandoning all her inhabitants tonight and he didn't want her to regret it. She nodded and Nick obliged, standing back up again. He rubbed the tip of dick up and down her folds a few times, brushing against her already sensitive clit, before lining himself up with her entrance and sliding in her.
Olivia sucked her bottom lip, letting herself relax around him. "God, you're so tight," Nick groaned as he filled her, Olivia practically cumming at just the sound of his voice. Nick slid in slowly, allowing her to adjust to him. She was incredibly wet, allowing Nick to enter with ease. When he finally went as far as he could, he slid out again, keeping the tip of him inside her, before plunging back in again.
"Fuck, Liv," Nick huffed, Olivia feeling incredible around him. Olivia's eyes shut, letting her body feel the pleasure running through her. Her mind went blank, just letting herself enjoy the moment she was in, which was something she never did. The debilitation of the alcohol mixing with the dopamine of the sex was giving her a feeling of euphoria she hadn't ever felt before. Nick's voice filled the air, his hands gripping her hips, Olivia feeling the small beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Finally, she felt the feeling of Nick completely leave her and she opened her eyes to look at him, her breathing just as heavy as his. "Turn around," he demanded, his voice gruff and his dark eyes penetrating hers. A small smirk formed on her lips and she pushed herself up, turning over onto all fours.
Nick watched Olivia as she positioned herself on her elbows, getting comfortable and preparing for what she knew was coming. Something about her was so enticing to him, especially now, as vulnerable as she was being. She was so beautiful and independent and Nick couldn't help imagining what it would be like doing this with her every night - especially sober. He lined himself up again, this time entering her with more force than he previously had. Olivia breath hitched, letting out a small noise as he filled her completely. His hands grabbed her hips, giving himself stability, and he began a rhythm thrusting his hips, Olivia somehow instinctively meeting him in perfect harmony. "Fuck," Olivia moaned, letting her upper body fall onto the bed partially in exhaustion. Nick kept up his rhythm, the sounds of their bodies slapping together growing louder and louder before he raised his hand, bringing it down quickly against the skin of her ass. The pain rippled through Olivia, turning into pleasure and causing a loud, sharp moan to exit her throat.
Olivia had never been spanked during sex so she never knew if she'd like it but oh boy, she did. The moan encouraged Nick and he brought his hand up again, smacking her ass in the same spot. As he thrusted into her, Olivia's mind wandered and she began remembering why she was sad in the first place. Elliot's face popped into her mind, his voice filled her ears, and she began to picture it was him finally inside of her. Their sexual tension had been building for years and Olivia imagined they had finally done something about it. But it was more than that and she knew it. Elliot and her finally having sex would be so much more than a drunken rebound. It would be passionate, and sensual and filled with something much deeper than whatever she was doing with Nick.
Her thoughts were interrupted by an immeasurable feeling of pleasure within her. Before it registered, her climax washed over her, her eyes squeezing shut and her legs going weak. As her walls clenched around Nick he felt the twitch in his own body and after a few more strokes he pulled out completely, the cum dripping out onto Olivia's lower back. Their breathing was labored and came in small bursts, Olivia letting her head rest into the bed. She was exhausted and sweaty and ready for bed. Nick ran into the bathroom, grabbing the small hand towel and rushing back to wipe Olivia's back, throwing the towel into the laundry basket in the corner. Olivia laughed at the interaction but was slightly touched by it.
Finally she rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling. The euphoria running through her was slowly wearing off. She had pictured Elliot making her cum. She had heard his voice as she was cumming. But Elliot wasn't there with her anymore. Nick was the one in her bathroom, in her house, in her. And her carnal relief was slowly morphing into embarrassment.
Her thoughts wandered until she heard the toilet flush and Nick exited the bathroom in his boxers. He must've wiped the sweat off his body because he was dry now. He gave Olivia a small side smile before walking out into the hallway. Olivia slid off the bed, her legs feeling weak and her head starting to pound. She walked to the bathroom to pee and change into clothes to sleep in. After a moment, she walked back into her room wearing a tank top and a pair of grey sweats and was met with Nick laying in bed, two clear glasses sitting on her bedside table.
"I got you some water," he said softly and handed it to her. She took the glass graciously and smiled before chugging it down. Nick watched her and laughed at how quickly she was drinking. "Somebody's dehydrated."
"And tired," she sighed, setting the glass down and pulling the covers down to get into bed. As she got comfortable, the heat was starting to set in again and before Nick could slide into bed she stopped him. "Can you turn the fan on please?" she asked, her voice trailing as her eyes fluttered closed. Nick smiled at her, though she couldn't see, and happily obliged to her request. He flicked the switch to the fan and made his way into the empty side of the bed. He went to wrap his arm around Olivia before he realized she was already fast asleep and decided that just being next to her was enough.
Olivia's eyes opened slowly, light filtering through the blinds in her bedroom. The sharp pain behind her eyes was made worse by the sunshine strokes and she slowly rolled onto her back, her arm resting against her head. After a few moments she built up the courage to lift her body up, slowly swinging her legs off the edge of the bed. She stood up, the world going dark for a quick moment and her head spinning before finally grounding herself and walking into the bathroom. She looked in the mirror at her tangled hair and smudged mascara before turning the faucet on cold and cupping her hands under the stream. She splashed the water onto her face a few times, trying to wake herself up. Her lungs filled with air and she took a deep breath, grabbing onto the sink counter to steady herself.
"Liv?" The voice came from the hallway and Olivia's eyes widened, turning to the bathroom door. "Liv - Oh, there you are." Nick came around the corner, stopping in the bathroom door frame. "Morning sleeping beauty," he joked. Olivia gave a small pity laugh, her heart dropping into her gut. "Cragen called, I gotta go in. But you stay here, me and Fin got it today," Nick updated her, walking up to her. He got close, leaned in and kissed her on her cheek softly. "I'll see you tomorrow," he winked and left the room, leaving Olivia staring blankly at the empty door frame. She knew she and Nick had sex. She was completely aware of that fact. The details were fuzzy but the overall picture was there and she had a small pain in between her legs to match. But there was something about the way he was acting that scared her. She was being guided by alcohol last night, as was he. Olivia thought they had been on the same page, but now she wasn't so sure.
The next day Olivia walked into work slowly and cautiously, trying to see Nick before he could see her. She wasn't trying to avoid him persay, as that would be a lot of work. But she wanted to make sure she was prepared to talk to him when she did see him. She looked around the bullpen and made sure the coast was clear before walking to her desk, swinging her coat onto the back of her chair and sitting down. She took a long sip of coffee before Cragen's office door swung open and she looked over, making direct eye contact with Nick. He smiled at her before walking through the bullpen and into the interrogation room hallway. Olivia threw her head back with a huff, her eyes closing. She knew what she had to do.
Nick exited the interrogation room, a man following behind him. "Thank you for your help. We'll let you know if we have any more questions," he told him, showing him where to go. Olivia practically bumped into him on her way in. "Hey Liv," he greeted her, the same dumb smile on his face.
"Hey Nick," she said softly. "Can we talk?" she asked, raising her eyebrow. Nick's smile fell into one of concern and a hint of fear at the tone of her voice. He nodded and followed Olivia down the hallway into a more secluded area.
"What's wrong?" he asked, trying to look at her but she kept her eyes down.
"Nick, I think we have different ideas about the other night," she started, finally building courage to look at him. His concerned expression fell instantly, knowing what she meant and where she was going. "I've mixed business with pleasure and it didn't end well."
Cassidy.
She enjoyed her time with Nick, but she couldn't risk their partnership or future at SVU over one drunken night. She had her own baggage and she knew Nick had his. They wouldn't be right for each other even if they had tried to be something. Hopefully he knew that.
"Liv, I understand. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable-."
"No, no, Nick you made me feel... Great, actually," she admitted, a soft laugh falling from her lips. "I just think we're better as just partners."
Nick gave her a small nod, pursing his lips and taking a deep breath. "I get it, Liv."
They stared at each other for a moment, trying to get an idea of what to say next. Olivia could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes, one he was trying to push away. And Nick could see the genuine remorse in Olivia's eyes. They both felt for each other, but they were both feeling very different things.
Over the next few years Olivia and Nick's one night stand became a much more distant memory. They were able to move past it, becoming closer and closer partners and friends. Olivia trusted Nick with her life in a way she never thought she could someone other than Elliot, and Nick opened up to Olivia in a way he never felt comfortable doing with anyone else. By the time Nick left the Special Victims Unit, he and Olivia had a bond they'd never imagined they'd have when they first met. Olivia was genuinely sad by the news of Nick leaving and he promised to stay in touch.
And he did.