Prompt: A day in the life of Neptune's predecessor, Uranus.
Orange and red and black. A voice was crying out from within the vortex of color, begging for someone to please save everyone, save her, before the despair and delusion swallowed them all—
"HA! SUCK ON MY DIRECT POLEAXE, DOOR!"
Uranus's eyes snapped open, as she lifted her head from the desk. Two realizations came to her at the speed of light, when she glanced into the small mirror in front of her.
One, when she faceplanted on the desk after signing paperwork all night, it was right on top of a ballpoint pen, which created a rather unsightly red mark on her cheek.
Two, a green blur was rapidly making its way through the corridor. She sighed, knowing that Histoire's relentless attempt at building a sturdier office door had failed, once again.
"What's all this commotion?" She asked, in this vaguely amused tone, without looking back. "You will not mind to wait for a brief moment, while I take my leave and put on some makeup, will you."
"Pfft, cut that shit out. I ain't have no time for your desire to stay pretty!" A childish voice retorted, before the green blur zoomed into the study room, and jumped onto her desk.
There she was, the most prolific breaking-and-entering culprit of her time, whose knowledge of the architecture of Planeptune's Basilicom had surpassed that of her own.
Granted, most of that knowledge consisted of finding the weakest walls or windows she could bash down with her cutting-edge "Direct Poleaxe"—no pun intended. That was the most sci-fi-esque polearm Uranus had ever seen.
"Greetings, Viridi."
"Fight me!"
"Haven't you already won last time?" Uranus glanced up at the small girl, who was only taller than her while standing on a table. The sheer power contained in such a petite body never ceased to amaze her, and Leanbox's "bigger is better" philosophy seemed to only apply to her chest.
"Last time is me proving I'm a badass. This time, I'm beating you up, so you'll agree to join me and kick Atra's ass!" Viridi replied, before she knelt down and leaned closer, frowning. "Did your fairy assistant throw a pen at your face for not working?"
"You have an...interesting idea about Histoire's personality."
"Well, no one does paperwork unless they are forced into it! If she's forcing you to stay here and not fight me, just gimme a word, and I'll go beat her up too—"
"I work out of my own volition, so please don't challenge Histoire to a duel on your way out." She was getting very good at using her motherly voice in front of Viridi. Maybe one day she'd become as good as Viridi's Oracle.
"Oh yeah! I haven't fought the fairy yet. Can she like, summon cool spells of mass destruction out of her tome or something?"
Goodness gracious. That was a misstep. "No. Oracles, like civilians, are off-limits when it comes to the Console Wars. You don't see any of us picking a fight with Bungie, right?"
"Hey, Bun-Bun is the most kick-ass Oracle that has ever existed, so she can totally hold her own!" Viridi struck a victory pose, her green strap skirt fluttering behind her. "And civilians are off-limits my ass. Atra sure didn't respect that rule when she tried chasing my people back to the PC Continent with Lastation's fleets."
To be fair, your people might have been a tad too overzealous in their effort to assert their autonomy with giant stockpile of guns and power armors, Uranus thought, but decided to refrain from speaking in the end. National pride was a powerful thing.
"But, because I'm awesome and Leanbox is awesome, I'm fine with fighting under your rules! Which is beating the crap out of each other in one-on-one duels, and the winner gets to tell the loser what to do! Are you ready to be a loser today?"
"Well, I've already lost, and you've used up your one request. Planeptune has, under my order, acknowledged your status as a badass." That was one of the weirdest public announcements she'd have to make, especially written in such a formal, no-nonsense format. "You cannot make me lose twice."
"Wanna bet on that?"
"Not if I refuse to fight. You'll just be beating up this helpless, sleep-deprived, paperwork-loving lady over here, and how fun is that going to be?"
"Uuuuugh! C'mon! Why are you such a lazy bum when it comes to fighting?" Viridi leaped off the table, and straight into her arms, almost knocking the wind out of her. "Your previous CPU, Chinsei, is this super badass warrior who punches missiles with her bare fists! You gotta' have some of her martial spirit in you!"
Uranus suddenly had the urge to shake her head, because no, she got her history of the continental nations wrong again, and the previous CPU of Planeptune was—
Wait, it was Chinsei Shiroken, wasn't it?
Oh no. The lack of rest had truly taken a heavy toll on her.
"Hmm, I do think I can come up with a compromise," Uranus said. "I can't help you challenge Atra to a duel, for that will violate the existing treaties between our nations. But maybe we can challenge her to some other fun activities? Like games?"
"Hell. Yeah." She swore she could see sparkles in Viridi's eyes, as the girl lifted her off her feet, and started twirling around. "You are the biggest smartass I've ever known, and I love you so fucking much! Let's go show that bitch who's boss!"
"Language, Viridi—"
As she was being dragged across the office hall, Uranus quietly mouthed I'm okay, not being kidnapped, will be back around evening when she saw Histoire peeking out from below the sturdiest table. Judging by how...destroyed their newest office door was right now, the poor fairy must have nearly short-circuited herself.
"This is a joke," Atra stated, in her usual matter-of-fact voice, and adjusted her neatly ironed indigo tie. "The most tasteless, objectively unfunny joke I've ever had to bare witness to."
"You are a fucking joke!" Viridi retorted, before Uranus put a hand to her mouth.
"I know, it looks like I've submitted to the barbaric demand of a foreign power, and decided to resume the campaign of aggression against Lastation by initiating a duel of competitive gaming." Uranus couldn't help but let amusement crawl into her voice, as she tried her best to imitate Atra's vocabulary. "Would you like to grant this tragic victim of fate a chance to regain her honor?"
Atra shot her an unimpressed look. "Games are frivolous entertainment that can enhance productivity, but will jeopardize it in excess. Considering this unruly spoiled child over here has already disrupted my work schedule, through her incessant demands for a rematch, I—"
"Bullshit! Why are you so allergic to anything fun?" Viridi had broken out of her hold with ease, despite her best efforts, and was now jabbing a finger at Atra. "Oh, I know. You're just afraid of losing, 'cause that'll knock you off your high horse, and teach you that you ain't the hot shit you think you are!"
"Said the foreign divinity who shares her people's lack of respect and uncouth aggression—"
"Please, Atra." Uranus sighed, and stepped forward. "You have an advantage here, don't you? One victory, and none of us will come and pester you again."
She didn't specify, and Atra's sudden blush, followed by a thousand-yard death stare, made it wise for her to keep it vague. Oh, how she didn't expect the soft-spoken doormat Goddess of Planeptune to be the one who figured out the identity of a certain "public nuisance"...
"What is the rules of your challenge?"
"We each pick a game from our own nation. All three of us will play it. Whoever comes in first place gets three points. Second place gets two, and vice versa," Uranus said. "The person with the most points wins, and gets to make a demand that the other two have to fulfill. One that's unrelated to serious national matters—"
"Aureole: Evolved, hell yeah! Let's see if your skill at using those weeby dual pistols still works inside the bestest shooter game ever!"
"Your childish insult does not change the fact that my marksmanship is superior. Grand A-Spec," Atra said, and gave her a look that just said right, like I was even going to risk exposing my secret through my genre choice. It was adorable, really.
"Hmm. Do you prefer basketball or hockey?"
"Basketball! Hockey sounds like that shut-in Goddess and her snowy crybaby land!"
"Out of my pity for the slump Lowee is in, and my disdain for your rude comment about a fellow continental nation, I'm choosing hockey."
Uranus dismissed her idea to invite Delphinus over before she could even propose it. Not that she had any chance of successfully getting Lowee's CPU out of her room. "Scissor paper stones. Whoever wins gets to choose."
"Holy crap, Uranus, how did you get so good at this shit? I thought you spent your entire day doing paperwork."
"To be honest, I have no idea. I'm sure Atra has been going easy on me."
"Do not humiliate me with your attempt at humility. Unlike some people, my skill level is evenly distributed across different genres, though I excel at none, and I can admit my deficiency."
"Pfft, you are just salty that you got second place on everything, and I'm still the queen bitch of shooter games! Bet you've never had a proper online match with your soldiers before."
"They have taught you well, judging by your foul language and failure at learning the most basic social skills."
"Fuck you! My soldiers are my bros! No one talks shit about them and gets away with it!"
"How very typical of you. The moment an event doesn't go in your favor, you resort to force. Very well—"
"I am making my demand right now, and I forbid both of you from unleashing violence on each other, whether it is physical, emotional, or verbal. Do you wish to honor your promise to Uranus?"
When Uranus walked into her office again, it became apparent that Histoire had given up trying to build a new door—normally, a replacement would be up in a matter of hours. The debris on the floor were gone, at least.
"Don't worry. I've taken care of today's workload, and sent the repair bill to Leanbox's Basilicom," Histoire immediately said, before she floated over to Uranus, with concern written all over her face. "How has your day been?"
"I lived." She let out a dry chuckle. "Well, no fights has broken out, and they've agreed to a ceasefire of duels and insults. I consider that a small step of progress."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Hmm?"
"I know you are responsible. A little too responsible, really, when it comes to keeping Planeptune running." Histoire sighed. "But being the peacemaker between your fellow CPUs is not part of your duty."
"Oh, Histoire. Can't I have hobbies and likings while still being responsible?"
Histoire's expression shifted from one of confusion to that of stark realization. "You are...serious?"
"Indeed. I like them, even though they aren't the most approachable at first glance."
"Viridi is a whirlwind of swear words and massive property damage, but I don't think she picks fights because she likes to hurt people. Being all rough and rowdy is the only way she knows how to get attention, and she thinks that once you make everyone notice you, some of them will definitely want to be your friends, because why won't they? It's really sad, how she ends up driving everyone away."
"Atra is not as emotionless as she looks. She just thinks that a proper Goddess has to be perfect, impartial, and not allowed to have fun, and each time she switches to her secret persona, she's supposed to feel awful afterwards. I'd like to have a very stern talk with the person who puts these ideas into her head when she was young."
"Delphinus, well, I can't even get her to come out and talk. But I do have this feeling that she hates herself, a lot. The weight of Lowee's legacy and history is even heavier than Planeptune's, after all."
"The grand reason why I want everyone to get along? If we are always at each other's throats, when a new threat rises on the horizon, our nations will be too weak to stop it." Uranus smiled. "The selfish reason is...when I'm so interested in them, I naturally want to see how their quirks play off each other. In a good way."
(Story of Uranus's generation. All of their names are in Latin, just for funsies.
Viridi's "Direct Poleaxe" is a reference to DirectX, and the fact that one of the original Xbox's designers kept an axe in his room, which he dubbed his "Direct Axe".
Atra wields dual pistols, as a reference to the DualShock 2 Controller. Her secret gaming persona—which likely had a love for old-schooled arcade games—was me extrapolating off Noire's dream in VII's true end sequence.
The three games they played are expies of Halo, Gran Turismo and NBA/NFL 2K.
Uzume Uranus's predecessor, Chinsei Shiroken (白剣鎮星), is based on the Sega Saturn. "Chinsei" is an archaic name for the planet of Saturn, while "Shiroken" is a Segata Sanshiro reference—the "Sega Saturn, White (Shiro)!" shout and the full name of Sanshiro's own video game, Segata Sanshiro Shinken.)