Chapter 3: Will it be Enough?
I only had two days left before I was going to be leaving for Hogwarts. I had, of course, read through all the books that had been assigned, and I had read all the extra books that I had convinced my parents to buy for me. I had also started working on some of the spells that were in The Standard Book of Spells: Grade 1 and I had managed to work a few of them.
I was currently trying to master the first spell Professor McGonagall had done when she came to explain everything, wingardium leviosa. It was supposed to be a levitation charm, but so far all I had been able to do was make my quill twitch. I was feeling very discouraged. I'm sure all the students from magical families would already know how to levitate. I mean, its right at the beginning of The Standard Book of Spells, which must mean that it's the easiest one, and I couldn't even do that.
I pulled the spell book closer to me at my desk and read the section again. I decided that my pronunciation must be the problem, so I started emphasizing different syllables to see if that would work. On my seventh try, the quill finally started to rise off my desk. In my excitement, I lost my concentration and the quill fell. I immediately grabbed it and dipped it in some ink, marking the correct pronunciation in my book. After a few more practices, I was able to fly my quill around the room, and I smiled to myself, glad that I had finally been successful.
"Hermione, it's time for dinner," Mum called from downstairs. I put my wand on my desk and headed downstairs to eat. I hadn't realized how late it was, it felt like lunch had been minutes ago.
"How was your day, sweetie?" Dad asked as he set dinner on the table. Mum and Dad are dentists, and they worked during the day, so I usually spent my days home alone during the summer.
"Pretty good," I replied. "I mastered the levitation charm."
"That's wonderful news honey," Dad said. We lapsed into a temporary silence broken only when Mum came bustling into the dining room with the potatoes. Mum and Dad were still having a bit of a hard time adjusting to me being a witch. I'd offered for them to read some of the books I had bought, but that seemed to make them even more uncomfortable. I had hoped they would adjust during the last month, but they hadn't.
"Hi honey!" Mum said, sitting down at the table and starting to fill her plate. "How are you?" she asked. I noticed that this question was quite different from Dad's how was your day? She didn't want to hear more facts that I'd learned about goblin rebellions or when dragon breeding was outlawed, and especially not that I had finally been successful in levitating my quill.
"I'm great Mum," I replied, filling my own plate. As sad as I was feeling that they were still so uncomfortable with this whole thing, I was sure that they would be much more open to everything after they had sat with it for a little while.
"What are your plans for tomorrow?" Dad finally asked. Mum and Dad worked weekends as well as weekdays, and tomorrow was no different. They had decided to take Sunday off so that they could accompany me to King's Cross and see me off to school, so that was something.
"I was going to pack my things and maybe practice a little bit more before I get to Hogwarts," I said honestly, even though I knew they wished I would have left out the last part.
"How about we go out to dinner tomorrow night?" Mum asked. "You know, before you go away to school."
"That would be great," I replied, smiling. At least they would be able to spend a little bit of time with me before I left.
When it was time for dessert, Mum brought out a nice big bowl of fresh fruit. Being dentists, my parents didn't believe in sugary desserts, or candy, or anything sweet really. I had never been trick-or-treating, we never had any sweets in the house, and they even bought me sugarless gum. Not that I'm complaining, especially since my teeth had always been extremely healthy thanks to them.
After dessert, I went back up to my room while Mum and Dad went to work on some paperwork that they had brought home with them from work. They always brought their paperwork home with them. They said they'd rather do it at home once the office was closed so that they could use the time they were actually at work to see patients. After all, the more patients they're able to see in a day, the more money they can make. It was a logical way of doing things, though it did mean I didn't see all that much of them.
When I got back to my room, I opened The Standard Book of Spells again and read up on the unlocking spell. Once I felt I was ready to try it out, I walked over to my door and locked it manually; the locking spell wasn't in The Standard Book of Spells, so I assumed it was more advanced. I pointed my wand at the door and visualized the door unlocking.
"Alohomora," I said clearly, and with a click, the lock flung back into the unlocked position. My face broke out into a wide grin. I'd got it on my first try! I practiced it a few more times before I finally decided to take a break from spellcasting.
I decided to start packing my trunk, since there was plenty I would not need from now until I got to Hogwarts. My cauldron, being the largest thing to go into my trunk, was the first thing I put in. Then I packed most of my books, keeping The Standard Book of Spells and Hogwarts: A History out, knowing I would be reading them some more tomorrow. Then I packed my parchment and my quills and my other supplies. I started to run out of room in my trunk, so I began piling my clothes into my cauldron.
Sooner than I would have thought, I was all packed, and I realized that I no longer had an activity for tomorrow, but I didn't worry. There were plenty more spells I could learn. I was starting to feel a little tired, so I decided it was time for bed. I put on my pyjamas and crept downstairs to say goodnight to Mum and Dad. They were sitting at their desks, which were positioned side by side in their office, working on their paperwork.
"Goodnight Mum, Dad," I said from the doorway. I walked into the room and hugged them each in turn.
"Goodnight sweetheart," I heard Mum say as I was leaving the room.
I went back upstairs to my room and climbed into bed. I pulled Hogwarts: A History into my lap and opened it up and began to read. I can't fall asleep if I don't read right beforehand. Somehow, reading seemed to have a calming effect on me. Well, it always had until then. As I read on and on, words I had already read through twice before, I became more and more panicked. There was so much to know. How was I going to measure up to witches and wizards who'd been practicing magic since they were born?
I'd always been the smart one, top of the class. What would I be when I got to Hogwarts? Surely having only found out about the wizarding world a month ago I would seem utterly dumb next to all the other students. As I frantically re-read the pages of Hogwarts: A History I tried to memorize everything I read so that I wouldn't forget a thing.
When my head finally felt like it was going to fall off from too much thinking, I put my book down on my nightstand and laid down properly, shutting my eyes and willing myself to fall asleep.
I promised myself that tomorrow I would practice the charm that could fix broken objects and the charm that would light something on fire. I also decided that maybe I should even try learning a little bit of basic transfiguration, even though it appeared to be a particularly difficult subject.
As I went over my knowledge of the medieval witch burnings in my head, I became more and more worried. What if I didn't know enough? What if I hadn't learned enough magic? What if the other students laughed at me for being dumb? What if I walked into potions and blew up my cauldron, or worse, someone else's? It was the first time I had ever felt like this and as I drifted further and further into sleep, I just couldn't help repeating over and over in my head; will everything I've done be enough?
I was sitting at a desk in my old classroom, the only person in the room. Everything was the same as I remembered it from last year, except that the posters the hung on the wall that used to say things like 'achieve', 'teamwork', and 'honesty' now read things like 'magic', 'potions', and 'spell work'.
I continued to sit and stare around at the familiar, but unfamiliar room, and then suddenly students began to file into the classroom, taking seats all around me. I didn't recognize any of their faces, but they were all wearing robes while I was wearing a blouse and floral skirt that my mum had picked out for me.
Professor McGonagall entered the room next, wearing the same green robes that she'd worn the day I'd met her. Her hair was pulled up tight in a bun like before, and her expression was stern.
"Alright class," she announced. "Welcome to your first day at Hogwarts. We'll begin the class by going around the room and saying our name, and then performing the most advanced spell you know so far."
I immediately ran through the list of spells I'd learned and tried to decide which to perform. There was the levitation spell, but it was on page one of my spell book. Surely it wouldn't be considered advanced at all. I eventually settled on showing everyone the unlocking spell, since it was near the end of the book and therefore probably considered more difficult.
The first student stood, said her name, and then proceeded to cast a spell that completely vanished her desk. Professor McGonagall and the rest of the class applauded her, but I just sat and stared. According to A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration, vanishing was much too advanced to even be covered. How did this first year know how to do it when it wasn't even covered in their textbook?
The second student, a boy, stated his name and then proceeded to disappear and then reappear on the other side of the room, much like how Professor McGonagall had done when she'd been trying to prove to me and my parents that magic existed. As everyone else congratulated the boy, my jaw practically hit the floor. Apparition – the act of teleporting oneself – was something only adult wizards could do. It was considered highly challenging and highly dangerous. Some wizards never properly learned to do it.
The third student made it start raining right there in the middle of the room, and the fourth student transformed themselves into a giraffe. When the fifth student brought all the chairs to life and they started dancing around the room, I jumped to my feet (partly because my chair had forced me to) and cried, "what's going on here? How can you all do these advanced spells?"
"And your name?" Professor McGonagall asked, in a bored voice.
"Hermione Granger," I replied.
"Alright, let's see your spell work," she said.
Taking a deep breath, I walked over to the door of the classroom and turned the lock. Then I took out my wand and cast the unlocking charm, watching the button click into the unlocked position with pride. I turned back to the rest of the class.
"That's it?" a girl with blonde hair demanded. "That's all you can do?"
I shrugged. "I've only had a month to prac – "
"That was pathetic!" the girl continued, ignoring my explanation. Before my eyes, her features began to morph, and she suddenly turned into Nancy Hummel. "Hermione Granger," she mocked. "Always sticking her nose in a book instead of doing something real. You really think you're going to fit in at Hogwarts? Well think again. You don't belong anywhere. You're just a little bookworm nobody."
I woke with a start, my sheets soaked with nervous sweat. I had to take a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart, and once I had, my mind started to race, millions of thoughts running through it. What if my dream was right? What if I never fit in at Hogwarts the way I'd never fit in at my last school? What if I was destined never to fit in anywhere? I had to keep practicing. The only way I was going to fit in was if I made sure that I knew as much magic as the other students.
Turning my light back on, I reached for my copy of The Standard Book of Spells and flipped it open to the page for the wand-lighting charm, lumos. It seemed fitting, to learn it in the middle of the night, when it was dark. Determinedly, I began to read up on the charm, paying close attention to the details for the wand movements. I would learn every spell in this book, if that's what it took. I was determined. I wasn't going to be a bookworm nobody anymore. Things were going to be different at Hogwarts. They had to be.