Not a prompt but some crack that came up to me. It's long so let me know your thoughts!

A Lesson, A Laugh & A Nap

The children looked as grim as if Effie was about to announce a disaster of the biggest proportions but they still sat down on the loveseat Haymitch had dragged in the middle of the living-room car like she had requested. She cleared her throat and glanced at him but he looked happy enough to let her take the lead, sipping from his glass of whiskey, slouching on the other loveseat that was facing the children, as he was prone to do. He was sprawled more than he was sat, with his legs spread open in the most ridiculous manly pose she had ever seen. Unfortunately, he wasn't the only man of her acquaintance set on proving what he had between the legs was consequential by sitting like that and, as distasteful as she found it, she bit back the remark.

She might not have if they had been alone but, since they were in company, she wanted to keep the conversation as civil as it was likely to be.

Cinna took an armchair, looking far more entertained than was proper given the circumstances.

She wished Portia were there for moral support and she dearly missed her friend who had begged off the thing they were not calling an intervention because she had a headache. The headache, in Effie's opinion, had a lot to do with the heavy drinking that had happened the previous night. Nobody should ever try to match Haymitch drink for drink…

"What's wrong now?" Katniss grumbled when the silence stretched too long, clearly bracing herself for bad news.

"Not a thing!" Effie lied cheerfully, the smile never wavering from her lips. She resolutely ignored the snort Haymitch apparently couldn't hold. "We have big news for you!"

The girl groaned and slid down a little, forcing Peeta to wiggle toward the armrest to give her more room.

"Told you." she muttered for the boy's sake.

Effie pressed her lips together and placed her hands on her hips, not quite hiding her disapproval. "Dear. Attitude." Katniss scowled but sat a little straighter. She let her disapproving look linger a second longer and then clapped her hands, her mouth stretching into another – slightly manic –smile. "As you know, we will soon arrive in Four. Now, you might not know this but Four is always a huge hit on Victory Tour. It always registers the highest audience rates. I am certain you must be excited!" The children both stared blankly at her, silently telling her just how - not - excited they were to reach that District. Nevertheless, Effie soldiered on, making sure the enthusiasm never wavered. "Haymitch and I just received the best sort of news!"

"Right." Haymitch ironically echoed, toasting her with his half-empty glass. "The best."

There was a hint of a mocking smirk on his lips and she glared at him, distractedly smoothing the fabric of her dress with her hand. It was a short pink and white number with long sleeves and an asymmetric hemline that ran from under her bottom to a little over her knee - she loved the dress even though it wasn't chic enough to be worn anywhere but on a quiet day inside. It was sparkly, though, and form fitting, which was probably the only reason Haymitch hadn't called her a disco ball yet.

"The Capitol is sending a famous TV host to interview you!" She beamed at the children. "She will meet us in Four!" She waited for some positive reaction and, not unexpectedly, got none. "Now, now…" She sighed. "I will admit Emelyn Everhart is not quite who I would have chosen for this… She is… Shall we say subpar?" She wrinkled her nose. "Not to say somewhat old news… I do not understand why she is still so popular…"

"You don't like her." Katniss astutely observed.

Haymitch's chuckles were unwelcomed but he didn't even flinch under her glare. The children shot him curious looks, apparently more interested in the story than by the fact they were about to be interviewed live by one of Panem's - inexplicably - most popular TV hosts.

"Effie's got a bone to pick with Emelyn." he taunted, lifting his eyebrows when he looked at her. "Or shall I say… a boner?" Katniss immediately made a face. Peeta frowned. And Cinna leaned a little forward, clearly intrigued. Haymitch waved it all away with a dismissive hand. "I slept with the woman… Effie never got over it."

Katniss groaned. "Too much information."

Effie, for her part, scoffed. "Do not make it sound like that. I warned you the woman was a snake and yet you went and slept with her anyway and then we had to endure three whole days of your sexual performances being the latest piece of hot gossip on television. Remind me who had to handle the damage control PR, Haymitch? Remind me?"

"Don't need to remind you 'cause you never got over it." He shrugged, as if she was proving his point. He winked at Cinna. "For the record, Emelyn only had good things to say about my… performance."

Effie rolled her eyes so hard it almost hurt.

"Men!" she huffed and then turned back to the children. "Suffice to say, that woman would not have been my first choice for an exclusive interview but, be that as it may, we will have to make do. Now, Haymitch and I have decided it will be the perfect opportunity to broadcast that charming love story of yours." She paused, giving them just enough time to protest like she knew they would - and they did because when it came to putting on a show to feed the wolves, they were always complaining. "We decided, and Cinna agreed…" She stressed that point because Katniss was always more receptive of Cinna's ideas than she was of hers or Haymitch's. "...that it would be best to have it here on the train, to have it, in fact, right here. With you on that lovely loveseat."

She could tell, just at the way the girl was looking at her, that Katniss thought she was being even more extra than usual.

"Why?" Katniss protested. "There's barely any room."

"That's the point." Haymitch commented, stifling a sigh in his glass. He downed what was left of it and sent her a hopeful look that she answered with a mild glare. He quickly forgot any idea of asking her for a refill and leaned over to put the glass on the coffee table. "Look, we've got to sell it to the Gamemakers and this is our shot."

"Exactly." Effie agreed, stepping around the coffee table. "Now, content will not be a problem… You are both ecstatic, so very grateful to the Capitol for the opportunity to visit the country, and you are having the time of your life on this Tour…"

"Ain't we all." Haymitch muttered under his breath.

She shot him a chiding look, nudged his leg with her knee so he would stop his tomcat act and leave her some room to sit.

"You have to understand, you know I hate speaking ill about people…" she continued, pretending not to notice the loaded looks and smiles everyone exchanged. She wasn't that much of a gossip, truly. They were exaggerating. "But when I say Emelyn Everhart is a snake, I do mean it. She is no Caesar Flickerman. She won't make this easy for you and she specializes in rumors. You have to convince her and, I can tell you right now, looking at the two of you, your behavior won't cut it. How many times must I tell you? Attitude is everything. She will take one look at your body language and she will know something is amiss. The way the two of you are sitting together does not exactly scream sweethearts."

Haymitch reluctantly shifted so she had some room to sit, turning his body a little, angling it toward her. She sat rod straight, with her legs crossed at her ankles and her hands in her lap as was proper.

"You said we were doing okay." Peeta remarked.

"You are." Cinna offered. "But we are taking it to another level with this interview, Peeta. Emelyn is very gifted at digging up skeletons in closets."

"Not the only thing she's gifted at." Haymitch commented in a low voice, for her benefits only.

Effie didn't even spare him a look. The only reason he was bringing his one-time thing with that sorry excuse of a journalist was to get under her skin and she would not give him the pleasure. It had happened years earlier. She had still been sleeping around at the time too. Had she been annoyed? Certainly. Did she hate the woman? Absolutely. But would she let him use that as a teasing point? Clearly not.

Jealousy was so not the point, here.

"Yeah, well… We're not pretending now." Katniss grumbled, obviously annoyed by Effie's comment. "It's only us."

"Behaving as if someone is always watching is not a bad stance to take in life, Katniss dear." she advised cheerfully but softening her voice a little so it wouldn't sound too patronizing. Katniss reacted very badly to being patronized by her. "The fact remains. I have seen you and Peeta sit together a thousand times and… You do not look like a couple."

"That's because we're not a couple." Katniss hissed, detaching every word as if talking to someone particularly stupid.

Effie narrowed her eyes a little, tilting her head slightly.

Haymitch's hand brushed against the small of her back seemingly accidentally.

She took a deep breath. "Very well. Convince me, then."

The girl frowned. "What?"

Peeta looked wary.

"Convince me." she repeated. "If you can convince me right now that the two of you are a couple just by sitting together, we will let this go. Won't we?"

She briefly met Haymitch's and Cinna's eyes in turn. Neither of them uttered any protest but neither of them looked like they believed the children could cut it either. She leaned back a little, crossing her legs by reflex, out of smugness. Her shoulder blade bumped against Haymitch's shoulder.

The children looked at each other. Katniss was scowling but Peeta shrugged and flashed her a tentative smile, offering his hand. The girl sighed and folded her legs under herself, tucking herself into Peeta's side. Then she flashed Effie a triumphant look.

"It might convince District people who will see you for ten minutes." she commented flatly.

Katniss' scowl deepened.

"She's right, sweetheart." Haymitch sighed. "This interview… The stakes are gonna be higher. The closer we get to the Capitol, the higher the stakes."

The two of them shared a look that made Effie exchange a look of her own with Peeta. Haymitch and Katniss had this thing when they looked intensely at each other as if they were having entire dreadful conversations with their eyes. They thought they were discreet. They were not. And Effie and Peeta had a habit of rolling their eyes and having their own silent conversation when they did that.

"It doesn't look natural." Cinna said, putting an end to the unvoiced discussions. Katniss looked at the stylist, softening a little.

"Yeah… No. It doesn't." Haymitch agreed. "The cuddling is cute and all but the way you're acting… There's no real intimacy, here."

"Intimacy." Katniss repeated flatly.

And for all her insistence that they were not a couple, Effie couldn't help but notice she didn't hurry in untucking from Peeta's side.

"Look…" Peeta winced, clearing his throat. "How long is this interview going to last anyway? Maybe we can just kiss and…"

"It's gonna last at least fifteen minutes." Haymitch cut him off. "And you can't spend the whole time kissing. First, 'cause Emelyn's never gonna buy the kissing's genuine the way Katniss does it. Then, 'cause there's gonna be questions. Fucking stupid questions, sure, but she's gonna expect you to answer them so…"

"Not to mention I am not entirely sold on the two of you cuddling during an interview on live TV." Effie hummed when his sentence trailed off. "It is not very polite."

"I don't get it." Katniss snapped, sitting up. "You want us to show intimacy but you don't want us cuddling so what do you…"

"Something not so on the nose." Haymitch interrupted. "Something, you know… Subtle."

"You don't need to put on a show." Cinna nodded. "It should look natural."

Katniss looked at Peeta who shook his head. "Don't look at me, I don't know what they mean either."

"The first step would be not to sit against opposite armrests as if you are scared of touching each other." Effie remarked. "You are in love, you should want to touch all the time. You should touch each other."

"You said no cuddling." Katniss pointed out, in that tone that never failed to irritate Effie.

She took a deep breath, forced a smile on her lips and opened her mouth to explain…

"She doesn't mean that kind of touching." Haymitch sighed before she could say anything. "Should be… Like… Touching each other without looking like you're touching each other. Like… A secret, yeah?"

He looked hopeful but Katniss' face remained blank. Peeta, she noticed, looked a lot less clueless.

"You should show them." Cinna suggested.

Truth be told, they had been showing them since she had sat down. Haymitch's body was angled toward hers so she was not too obviously pressed against his side. His hand was resting on the cushion behind her, out of sight, and his thumb had been drawing random shapeless figures on her lower back.

Nobody in the room had picked up on it - although Cinna was probably just being polite by pretending he wasn't seeing it.

Emelyn Everhart would have, though. She had on multiple occasions before. She was usually the one putting the pesty rumors about them out there, even if Caesar was always only too happy to jump on that bandwagon when nothing more interesting was going.

"Alright." Haymitch shrugged, sitting up a little. "Step one, boy, you've got to take the space."

Peeta watched as Haymitch sprawled again, forcing Effie to choose between leaning against him or shuffling against the armrest, and shot the escort a dubious look. Effie wholeheartedly agreed.

"Haymitch, unlike you, Peeta does not feel he has to prove he is a man by exposing his manly parts to the world." she deadpanned, batting her eyelashes at him. The whack she gave his thigh was not nice though. "Take this seriously."

"Fine." he grumbled, sitting back up again and actually leaning into the corner formed by the back of the loveseat and the armrest so Effie was close to him but not too obviously leaning into him. "The trick is… You should be comfortable touching her, alright? Stop acting like you expect her to slap your hand every time you put it on her. You should steal touches when you can. Nothing big. Like..." He moved the hand that was behind her to her other side so his arm was loosely wrapped around her lower back, and he playfully tugged at the fabric of her dress. It was just a tug nothing more. "Something light, yeah? Cause you want her attention. Something fun."

"Fun." Peeta repeated without any particular intonation. He tried to copy Haymitch's position. Katniss humored him but she looked very stiff.

Effie sighed. "You should always be aware of where Peeta is, darling. Lean a little into him. Just a little." It was so natural to her - it had always been natural - she didn't really understand why Katniss was having so many difficulties. "Now… If Emelyn ever makes a comment about how attractive Peeta is - and she will - you should put a hand on his thigh. Actually, you should put a hand on his thigh no matter what."

"Stake your claim." Cinna joked as Effie demonstrated by placing her own hand on Haymitch's leg.

Twelve's senior victor shot the stylist an amused look but Effie wasn't amused and she made it known by digging her nails in his flesh a little.

"No, no, no, dear." She clucked her tongue at Katniss' clumsy attempt at imitating her. "This is about being possessive, I am afraid. Your hand should be high on his leg and on the inside of it. He is yours and you are letting that viper know that."

"Viper, is it?" Haymitch snorted, poking her in the side. He glanced at Peeta. "See, what I did there? Playful. Easy. Doesn't have to be more than that... Good old-fashioned teasing…"

"Except for my hand that has to be close to stuff, seems like." Katniss mumbled, not low enough.

Effie swallowed back an annoyed sigh and forced a smile. "I am not asking you to touch Peeta in any way that makes you uncomfortable. If you are not comfortable leaving your hand on his inner thigh, by all means, leave it on his knee."

His knee would be better than no hand on his leg at all.

"You've got to move a little when you're talking with Emelyn." Haymitch said, slouching deeper against the loveseat's cushions. "It's gonna look too studied otherwise. Look, I've got a nice trick for you, Peeta… Works like a charm every time…"

Effie didn't even try not to roll her eyes when he stretched his arm across the back of the couch in what must have been the oldest trick in the book.

"Ah… A classic. Watch and learn." Cinna advised, far too amused by this whole thing.

Effie deeply lamented Portia's absence. No doubt Portia would have made jokes too but she might have roped the stylists into giving the demonstration themselves.

"I'm watching." Peeta grinned, sounding a bit amused despite himself. "I'm not sure I'm learning much but I'm watching."

It was Katniss' turn to roll her eyes.

"So cheeky, boy…" Haymitch taunted, his hand brushing against Effie's shoulder. "Now, you keep that position for a while, yeah? Go slow."

His fingers toyed with a sequin on her dress and Effie pursed her lips. "Damage my dress and there will be consequences."

He ignored her as if she hadn't said anything at all but he stopped tugging on her dress. Perhaps because her pointy fake nails were inches away from his groin and he knew for a fact she could make it very painful if she put her mind to it.

"After a few minutes, if the girl doesn't protest, you can attack." he continued, sliding his arms from the back of the couch to her shoulders.

"Do you have to make it sound like a conquest?" she sighed.

She was ignored again.

Cinna chuckled.

She supposed it was good that someone was at least enjoying this very awkward coaching session.

"Now, any other time, that's as good a time as any to make your move. Kiss the girl." Haymitch snorted, tightening his side hug and leaning down. He wasn't actually going to kiss her so she couldn't help a small smile when she fended his advance by nudging his chin to the side. "Now, sweetheart, you don't know what you're missing…"

"I do not kiss unkempt men who have whiskey on their breath." she retorted.

Everyone laughed and it went a long way into easing the tension.

"Fair enough." He snorted, leaning back. "Alright, back to business… You don't have to kiss Katniss, boy. Just… You know… You can squeeze her a little…"

"Please, do not." Effie huffed. "Squeeze, really?"

"How do you want me to say it?" he grumbled.

"Hug." she deadpanned. "Hold. Any word that won't compare Katniss to a lemon."

"The bickering…" Peeta teased. "Is it part of acting like a couple?"

"Smartass." Haymitch grumbled, tugging Effie into his chest. "Anyway. Hold her close, alright? Be cute and shit."

"Language." Effie chided. "Now, Katniss, when Peeta tugs you against him, you can nuzzle his neck a little. Briefly though. As if you cannot help but smell him."

She illustrated by doing just that. Haymitch's hand clenched her shoulder a little when her nose bumped against that spot under his ear and he shifted, not quite as unaffected as he would have liked.

"Smell him?" Katniss sputtered. "What? Like an animal?"

Effie locked her jaw so her smile would remain firmly in place. "Darling, if your man does not smell appealing, then he is not the man for you." Katniss blushed crimson, which told Effie she was not unaware of what Peeta smelled like. "Too bad Haymitch smells like a distillery."

Haymitch chuckled in her ear and that was far too intimate for a public setting.

She put some much needed distance back between them by placing a hand on his chest and shuffling back toward the opposite end of the loveseat. He let go but his hand lingered a little.

"Now convince me." she demanded.

To their defense, the children tried.

They tried several times.

At some point, Haymitch's arm stretched on the back of the couch again. His fingers regularly brushed against her nape. It was discreet and she didn't think anyone noticed, they were used to illicit touches in public, but it was different this time. He wasn't trying to arouse, he was trying to calm her down because she was quickly losing patience.

"It clearly needs work." she professed when they were all more than done with the coaching session.

"Yeah, well, sorry we can't all be as good actors as you." Katniss hissed, shooting her a deadly glare. "We don't have the training."

"Katniss." Haymitch snapped.

The girl rolled her eyes. "What? You're gonna make me apologize again?"

Everyone's patience had run short, it seemed, and Effie was entirely done with the girl's increasingly difficult attitude so she waved her hand dismissively. "You have three days until we reach Four. I would advise the two of you to practice before then, however your schedule is clear for the rest of the afternoon, so go do… whatever."

As long as you do it away from me, was a given.

She loved the children.

She loved them to death.

But the train was really close quarters and the Tour was too stressful. Tensions that would usually have been difficult to bear were becoming impossible to handle.

Once the children had scampered away - Peeta remembered to thank them for their help, so at least there was that - Effie stood up and walked around a little to ease some of her irritation.

She wasn't surprised when Haymitch did the same but headed straight to the small cart in the corner of the room that was stocked with various drinks, most of them alcoholic.

Well… If he was going to indulge…

She stopped in front of Cinna and pursed her lips, a little crossed by how he had handled this whole session. She also held out her hand, palm up. The stylist lifted his eyebrows but a smile played on his mouth.

"Can I help you with something?" Cinna teased.

"I know you have some in your inner pocket." was her terse reply. "You owe me. Do not think I did not notice how unhelpful you were."

The stylist chuckled but pulled out his silver cigarettes case and opened it before offering it to her. She took a cigarette with relief and brought it to her lips before crossing the room in a few long strides to look expectantly at Haymitch. Cinna could not be depended upon to have a lighter because he always used Portia's, so she didn't even bother to ask.

Haymitch was fixing drinks for the three of them and barely looked up when she stopped right next to him.

"Do you have to smoke?" he muttered, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Do you have to drink?" she deadpanned.

He rolled his eyes but buried his hand in his pocket long enough to fish a small matchbox. She didn't move to take it and he let out a sigh as he cracked one and lit the cigarette wedged between her lips for her.

"You're high maintenance." he complained.

And yet he always kept matches in his pocket and he always lit her cigarettes for her.

Cinna's chuckles were a little more pronounced this time. "You know… Katniss isn't wrong. You are good actors. It takes talent to pretend you are not pretending to pretend."

Effie slowly blew some smoke - away from Haymitch's face - and didn't dignify that with an answer.

"Don't know what you mean." Haymitch grumbled, handing her the pink cocktail she favored. He passed Cinna a glass of whiskey and dropped down on an armchair. "I ain't sure they're gonna cut it, though."

"You don't say." she huffed. "I thought the girl was going to have an attack when I asked her to put a hand on his leg. Looking at her, you would have thought I was asking her to perform untoward things."

"She hates this." Cinna acknowledged.

"Don't we all?" she retorted.

"Maybe you should come up with another way for her to look possessive…" Haymitch suggested. "Ain't like you're exactly unimaginative in that area."

"Why, I do not have the faintest idea what you might mean." She perched on the armrest of his chair and crossed her legs. Since he was again sitting like a tomcat, it forced her to hook her legs over one of his.

It was all very proper in truth.

Except for the fact that her legs were now between his and he was trapped in that armchair until she stood up.

She took a long drag of her cigarette, letting the smug expression blossom on her face.

There was a smirk on Haymitch's lips and his grey eyes were twinkling with something that was half-amusement and half-lust.

"Don't think the girl can make this look natural, Princess." he commented.

"I still do not know what you mean." she lied.

He gave her a look.

Yes, she decided, he was turned-on.

"Well, now, Effie… Emelyn will surely get the message." Cinna joked, toasting them.

She leaned back to grab the crystal ashtray they tended to put on a side table, out of the children's sight, and flicked off some ash.

"There is no message to get." she denied.

"Except that I'll be wearing my balls on a necklace if I ever go near that woman again." Haymitch mumbled, hopefully too low for Cinna to hear. "That message's clear enough."

Cinna, it seemed, was gifted with a fine hearing though.

"I think now would be a good time to go check on Portia." Cinna declared, amusement plain in his tone. She made a sound of protest but he was already on his feet. "I will try to have a word with Katniss while I'm at it."

"You're a braver man than I am." Haymitch scoffed.

"Somehow, I do not think so." the stylist grinned as he walked through the door.

Effie huffed and pursed her lips in annoyance. "I do believe he is onto us."

"Yeah, well…" Haymitch snorted, casually coiling a hand behind her calf. "He ain't wrong… We're a little too good at faking intimacy. And you looking this hot doesn't help..." She huffed again, slightly placated by the backhanded compliment. He started brushing his fingers up and down the back of her calf in a distracted caress and she finished her cigarette in silence. It was only when she put the ashtray down that he spoke again. "You've been in a mood all day… You ain't really upset about the Emelyn thing, yeah?"

"I have been in a mood because the children…" She stopped herself before she could launch into a rant and sighed. She didn't want to tell him she was scared of ending like Seneca. Poor Seneca… "And would you stop with Emelyn? You make it sound like I am jealous."

His lips stretched into a smirk. "Ain't you?"

"No." she snapped. "I am not." She kept her peace for a moment and then clucked her tongue. "She never loses an occasion to criticize my shoe wear, that annoys me." He chuckled, and, before she could react, pulled her down on his lap. The glass she was still holding splashed some liquid on her hand and her dress. "Haymitch!"

His only answer to her obvious disapproval was to take the glass and place it on the floor with his.

"You sound a little jealous to me." he teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Pray tell, why would I be jealous of a woman you never looked at twice?"

He shrugged. "'Cause I looked once."

"Well." she hissed. "While you were looking at her, I will remind you a hot businessman was looking at me."

His gaze darkened and his hand traveled higher on her leg. "Oh, I remember…"

"Who's jealous now?" she challenged. The kiss took her aback but she didn't really know why she was so surprised. It was violent and messy and she drew back before he could actually slip his hand under her dress. It was bad enough that she was sitting on his lap. "Anyone could come in."

"Ain't that part of the fun?" he mocked.

It might be when it was late at night but not in the middle of the day.

She gave him a serious look and he relocated his hand to a more innocent place.

He didn't stop pouting though.

She didn't get up, even though she truly should. Moments of peace and quiet were a rare thing on this Victory Tour and she was enjoying the feel of his arms around her.

"Do you think the children will cut it?" she asked eventually, her mind unable to stay away from the work topic for long.

"They're trying." he answered. "We've got to hope it's gonna be enough."

"Perhaps we were wrong to try to coach them into something new." she remarked. "Cute and cuddly works well enough, I suppose. I just do not understand why it is so complicated for them… We are not asking them to be…"

"Hot and funny?" he snorted against her neck, dropping a couple of open-mouthed kisses on her sensitive skin. "That's more our style."

It was admittedly more their style. And they had been nailing it long before they had actually started sleeping together.

And it wasn't like the children were lacking sexual tension. Now, if only Katniss would realize what it was…

"Speaking of hot…" she hummed. "Why are you trying to make me hot and bothered?"

His arms tightened a little around her. "Don't play coy, you know it turns me on. The possessive act… That's why you do it."

"You are full of yourself." she accused.

"Would rather be full of you." he replied casually.

The laughter took her by surprise before she could swallow it back. "Does that line ever work?"

He lifted his eyebrows and held her eyes as he leaned to press a soft kiss to her shoulder. "Depends… You're gonna come back to my room with me? I feel like taking a nap..."

"A nap, is it?" she taunted.

"A very naked nap." he amended.

She didn't have anything against a very naked nap…