The next day in therapy, Dazai started telling the therapist what they wanted to hear, the years of lying and manipulation coming in handy. He plastered a fake smile on his face and wrote out his feelings instead of turning to self-harm. It worked, and pleased with his progress, his therapist started making noises about letting him have a visit with Chuuya. He just had to get through one hurdle first.

The one-year anniversary.

Chuuya got up early on the anniversary, he hadn't been able to sleep. He got dressed and made his way to the cemetery, arriving just as the sun rose. When he got there, he noticed the grave was mucky and the flowers needed changing. There was a little shed with items for cleaning and he got to work, he felt a bit guilty for neglecting it, but the menial work gave him something to focus on. Two hours later and the grave was gleaming, and the new flowers he brought had been put in place. With nothing else to do, he was at a loss as to what exactly he should be doing, the last time he'd visited he'd just cried in Kouyou's arms till she took him home. As he paced in front of the grave, an elderly couple came up to him.

"Are you okay?" the man asked.

"Huh? Oh, umm yeah, I think" Chuuya hadn't expected to see anyone else today.

"Was it your parents?" the woman asked.

Chuuya shook his head, before answering, "My babies, they were stillborn, a year ago today, I'd hoped my partner would be with me but he…he hasn't coped with it very well."

"I'm so sorry, the first year is always the hardest," the woman replied.

"I don't really know what to do, I've cleaned everything but I've never really visited a grave, I'm not really ready to leave yet."

"Do what feel's right," the man replied, "it could be sitting in quiet contemplation, talking to them about your life, or just crying the day away. There's no right or wrong way to tackle this."

"Thanks"

The woman rummaged in her bag, producing a small bag of cakes and an unopened bottle of water, "Here, I'm guessing you didn't bring anything with you and it's going to be a long day"

Chuuya took the items as his eyes started to well up with tears, "That's so nice of you, thank you" Chuuya reached for his wallet, "here let me give you something for them."

"No need" the man replied, "we've been in your place before and know how much of a struggle these days can be. I hope your partner is doing better soon, but I'm sure you'll both get through this." he smiled.

"Thank you." Chuuya sat down as the couple left.

He sat in silence for ten minutes then started talking, about the dreams he'd had for them, how he would've marked their first birthday, he was so focused on talking, he didn't hear the footsteps behind him.

"Chuuya?"

His stopped mid-sentence, turning to the voice, "Dazai? Am I seeing things?"

Dazai stepped forward and pulled Chuuya in for a cwtch, "I've missed you so much. I've been doing better so my therapist brought me here today, I was hoping I'd see you." Dazai let go of Chuuya, taking in his babies grave.

The tears started falling, he couldn't lie to himself that they were still alive whilst looking at it, so he let his mind go blank.

A few hours later and Dazai was back at the facility, with no recollection of how the day had gone. He went straight to bed and cried himself to sleep. The next day, the therapist talked to him about the day and he continued to lie. It was enough, and after seeing how Dazai and Chuuya had interacted the day before, it was decided that Dazai could go home at the end of that week.

Chuuya was ecstatic to have Dazai back, and Mori allowed him a few months off to spend the time together. The first night home was hard for Dazai, he'd almost told Chuuya off for getting rid of their babies nursery, but he reasoned they were old enough for proper beds, in their own rooms now, and as the doors to the rooms that would have been were theirs were shut, Dazai knew they were just sleeping.

Having someone to share his bed again was strange, but Dazai was pleased to have Chuuya in his arms. He was less pleased when Chuuya started talking about their babies as if they were gone, and that he started crying. Dazai just pulled him closer, glad Chuuya couldn't see the guilt in his eyes, as he realised this was probably how Chuuya had spent every night they had been apart. He took a deep breath, pushing the guilt down, he was fine, they were both going to be fine.

The next year was full of highs and lows. Some days it was difficult for Dazai to hold onto the lie as he had began weaving quite a fulfilling life for his babies in his mind. Their features were a bit blurry, but children in his head were a beautiful mixture of himself and Chuuya, and were the most adorable kids he'd ever known. He was usually brought back down to earth by Chuuya wanting to talk about his feelings and how he looked at things differently know they had gone through it. Dazai would always turn those conversations back onto Chuuya, being the supportive boyfriend he knew Chuuya needed.

Dazai was also struggling with his body, Chuuya was happy to take their time, but before he'd gotten pregnant, they'd had quite an active sex life. Now, Dazai wouldn't undress in front of Chuuya, his body had betrayed him, it didn't deserve the pleasure from the man whose life plans his body had ruined. Instead, he focused on Chuuya, his hands and mouth were more than enough to get him off.

On the second anniversary of their babies death, Dazai and Chuuya went to the gravesite together. Dazai mechanically followed everything Chuuya did. It was the only time he let himself cry over his lost babies. The couple from the year before were there again, and Chuuya gave them some biscuits as a thank you for the year before.

A week later, Dazai started at the Armed Detective Agency. He hadn't meant to tell them he had children, but it had just slipped off his tongue. His scent was clearly that of an omega, and it led to him being questioned by the staff Doctor. She seemed concerned when he told her he no longer had heats after a difficult pregnancy, but he was needed for a mission so she never got to ask him about it.

Dazai enjoyed his work at the agency, it was nice not being surrounded by death and destruction. It also allowed him to indulge in his fantasy, at work, there was no one to tell him his babies were dead. He could talk about the life he had imagined for them and it made him happy. Even Chuuya noticed the change in Dazai, and was happy his partner was finally starting to become his old self again.

Today was the five-year anniversary of their babies death. Chuuya had wanted to spend the day with Dazai, but he had to work in the morning. It was the first big anniversary and although time had passed, the loss still hurt. Chuuya arrived at the Agency after lunch, Dazai was in the bathroom, so Chuuya was greeted by Kunikida

"Nakahara-san nice to see you, although I thought you would have your little ones with you."

"Little ones?" Chuuya asked confused

"Yeah, Dazai said you have a little boy and girl, he won't show us a picture, you know in case his phone gets stolen, but the stories he's told, oh they sound adorable." Atsushi replied.

"Dazai told us he had to leave early to get the house ready for their fifth birthday celebrations?" Kunikida added

Chuuya took a deep breath, as some of the things Dazai had said during the past few years started to make more sense. He should've known Dazai wouldn't have let go so easily.

"Just to clarify, Dazai told you our babies are alive?" Chuuya asked Kunikida.

"Well…yes?"

As Kunikida replied, Dazai returned to the room,

"I don't believe him," Chuuya muttered, turning to Dazai, and punched him. "You told them our babies are alive?! Is this some sort of sick game to you?"

The noise brought Yosano and Fukuzawa running, she went to check on Dazai but Chuuya growled and stopped her, "No, he brought this on himself, let him suffer."

"Chuuya…"

"What's the problem?" Fukuzawa asked.

"You tell them Dazai, it's your lie."

"It's not a lie!" Dazai yelled back, "They're alive! I know it… I know they are…" he trailed off and started crying.

Chuuya sighed, "Our babies were stillborn, Dazai carried them for just over four months and then poof! Gone."

"I should've realised," Yosano murmured, "Omega's don't just stop having heats, it's usually age, miscarriage or stillbirth. Delusions like this are to be expected to."

"They are?" Chuuya asked "I guess he's always been good at manipulation and lying, it never occurred to me he could still be suffering." He crouched down in front of Dazai, stroking where he'd hit him. "Osamu, are you with me?"

"I'm so sorry Chuuya, I'm an omega, the whole point of my existence is to be bred and have healthy babies and I couldn't even do that. I know there was no reason for it, but I can't help thinking that I killed our babies, I knew they were moving less, I just thought it was a quiet day and…and I've made this so much harder on you than it needed to be."

"Why did you lie?"

"Your letter, my therapist wouldn't listen when I talked about what our babies were doing that day, so to get out I knew I had to… I had to claim I believed the lie all of you believed, and it worked, it worked for so long Chibi," Dazai paused, "I can't do it anymore…"

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because I told you all the therapy worked, and I didn't want to break your trust by telling you about my…my…way of coping. It's why I keep putting off our wedding, I'd love to be your husband, but I can't let go of the idea of our children being a part of the day. You've done so well dealing with the grief and the fact we can't have any more children, I didn't want to ruin your progress for my stupidity."

"It's not stupidity Dazai, and I don't care if we never get married, I just wanted to give you something we'd always talked about doing." Chuuya pulled Dazai in for a cwtch.

"What do we do now?" Dazai asked, quietly.

"I know a place," Yosano told them.

The place was another inpatient facility, this one however focused on omega's who had experienced the loss of their child. This time, Chuuya stayed with Dazai, having his alpha present helped Dazai as he worked through the emotions he had supressed. They also attended couples therapy, and worked through Dazai's problems with his body and his guilt at how he'd acted towards Chuuya.

With Chuuya's support, Dazai returned to the agency, apologising for his behaviour and lies. To his surprise they were all understanding, they had been a bit concerned about what had happened to the gifts they had given him for his children. Once Dazai explained they had been donated to a local orphanage along with the money he would've spent on his children's presents, they decided to make it an annual thing.

After six months, they were allowed home. Dazai returned once a week for therapy and they both went once a month for couple's therapy. They both returned to work, wanting a sense of normality after the six months away.

On the sixth anniversary of their babies death, Dazai and Chuuya once again returned to their babies grave. Dazai helped Chuuya with the cleanup, and when they sat down to talk to the babies, Dazai took the lead. As the sun set, Chuuya pulled Dazai in for a cwtch,

"I'm proud of you Osamu."

"Why?"

"You've made a lot of progress this year. We're both going to have bad days, but I feel, for the first time, that we're in this together, and that I've got my Dazai back. I still feel bad that I put your changes down to grief,"

"Nope, no feeling bad, that was my decision, and I think we've both dealt with enough guilt to last our lifetimes and beyond." Dazai paused, "Let's try something new."

"New?"

"Love, I love that you stuck beside me when I found out I was pregnant at eighteen. I love that you tried to get me help, even if I was too stubborn to let it work. I love that you are still kind and caring. I will always love our babies even though we didn't know them for long. Most of all I love you." Dazai sniffled as he started crying, Chuuya also had tears in his eyes.

"Love huh? I love that you grew our children with such care and attention. In a weird way, I love that you lied to so we could be together again. I love that you care and support me through every day and make even the worst days bright again. I will always love our babies even though we didn't know them for long. Most of all I love you." Chuuya gave Dazai a light kiss, brushing the tears from his face.

"They sounded like wedding vows Chibi"

"Then I do, I will love you forever and always."

"I do, I will Love you forever and always."

A/N You can also find me on Twitter and AO3 as Darke_Faerie