Chapter 10: Friendship

Over the next weeks, I fell into a comfortable pattern. I woke up early, before any of my roommates, showered and dressed and headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. At breakfast, I would read unless Neville joined me, at which point I would listen to him prattle on about whatever homework assignment he was worried about. I always made sure to be the first to arrive to class, so that I was guaranteed a seat in the front row. Neville would often sit next to me, or else a group of Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws who would ignore me the whole lesson.

At lunch, I would grab a quick bite of lunch, and then spend the rest of the period in the library with Madam Pince. She'd warmed up to me quite a bit, and I enjoyed chatting with her about the various books I was reading. The librarian was also getting a handle on the types of books I enjoyed and had started picking some out for me.

After lunch, I had afternoon classes, and after that I would return to the library to work on my various homework assignments and revise all my notes from the day. If there was any time left over after that, I would get in a bit more reading before curfew, at which point I would return to my dorm and go straight to sleep, pulling the curtains of the four-poster bed closed to avoid any interaction with my dormmates.

I'd all but given up trying to make friends. I'd waited for a letter from my parents, hoping that maybe I could ask them for some advice on the subject, but it never came. I decided not to send a fourth letter. They knew how to contact me now and they would if they wanted to. Left to my own devices, I'd decided that if I was going to make a friend, it would happen naturally. I couldn't keep forcing myself on people. It was only making them dislike me more.

Everything was going smoothly. I avoided interaction with my classmates, and they avoided interaction with me. I kept a low profile, and nobody made fun of me. It was lonely, but it was better than being mocked and teased. And everything would have continued to go smoothly if Professor Flitwick hadn't put us into pairs to work on the levitation charm.

I'd gotten partnered with Ron. I already knew how to do the levitation spell, so I'd let Ron start. It was agonizing, listening to him mispronounce the incantation, but I'd sat quietly and patiently as he struggled to perform the spell. Finally, when I'd reached the limit of my patience, I politely informed him of what he was doing wrong and demonstrated the correct pronunciation by performing the spell myself. Unfortunately, this only seemed to annoy Ron further.

When class was over, I was on the way to the next one, completely minding my own business, when I heard Harry and Ron poking fun at me. Ron called me a nightmare, making me out to be some horrible thing imposing itself on everyone. And Harry was just nodding along in agreement.

It was at that moment that I felt something inside me snap. I'd done everything I could to stay out of everyone's way, keep to myself. I sat alone in the Great Hall, spent my free time by myself in the library. I barely interacted with any of my classmates anymore, and still they despised me. I couldn't even successfully manage invisibility.

I shoved past the boys as I sprinted to the nearest bathroom. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep pretending that everything was alright. I couldn't keep pretending that it didn't kill me inside that everybody had friends at this school except for me.

I knew I was missing class, but for the first time ever, I didn't care. I couldn't go to class like this. I couldn't walk in there and keep a straight face in front of a room of kids that hated me. In fact, I wasn't sure I could ever face them again.

She's a nightmare, honestly

I cried harder than I'd ever cried before. I'd tried so hard to be likeable. I'd tried to make friends in this place. I'd thought Hogwarts was going to be a fresh start. No more Nancy Hummel, no more being the class bookworm. But from the moment I'd gotten here, I'd fallen right back into my old role.

She must've noticed she's got no friends

I'd always been different. I'd always known I didn't belong. When Professor McGonagall had come to call and told me that I was a witch, I'd thought I'd finally found a place in the world. I'd understood why I'd always felt out of place. I'd thought that I'd come to Hogwarts and meet like-minded people. I'd thought I would finally fit in. But I stuck out here even more than I'd stuck out in the muggle world.

It's no wonder no one can stand her

Ron's words resonated in my head over and over again, making me more and more miserable. I missed my next class, but I didn't care. I couldn't summon up the strength to leave the bathroom and go back out there and face everyone. Not knowing how they felt about me. Not knowing that they despised me. It was one thing to be mocked and ridiculed, but a wholly other thing to be reviled.

Finally, I made up my mind. I would go to Professor McGonagall and tell her that it had all been a big mistake. I should never have come to Hogwarts in the first place. I should have stayed at home with my parents and gone to the Academy. My acceptance letter for the prestigious school had come a week after Professor McGonagall's visit, but at that point I'd already made up my mind to come here.

Surely the Academy would still take me, even though we were two months into term. I'd make up the work I'd missed. And maybe there, I'd finally find myself among people who would understand me. The Academy was only for the most academically minded students. That was where I belonged.

I pulled some toilet paper off the roll to wipe my eyes and nose, and then flushed it down the toilet behind me. Then I turned and open the stall door.

There, standing in front of me, was the most terrifying thing I'd ever seen. Even more terrifying than that three-headed dog on the third floor. It was a troll. A mountain troll, if I wasn't mistaken.

I screamed in terror, turning around and shutting the stall door behind me as I did. What was a troll doing in the bathroom? What was it even doing in the school? I knew it was Halloween, but this was going a little over the top.

I frantically tried to remember everything I'd ever read about trolls, but my mind was coming up blank. I heard the troll advancing, its footsteps feeling like a bunch of little earthquakes. It roared, and I instinctively crouched down, covering my head in fear. There was a loud smashing sound, and I felt bits of wood raining down on my back from above. I peeked my eyes open and saw that the troll had smashed all the stall walls to bits.

It was looking for me. I tried to stay perfectly still, but it found me anyway. Its eyes locked on to me, and I panicked as it started to lift its club high above its head.

I got out of the way just in time, bolting forward and crouching down under one of the sinks. The club came down and the troll smashed the toilet I'd been standing in front of to tiny porcelain shards. I clamped my mouth shut and forced myself not to scream again as I realized that that had almost been me.

The troll, realizing that it had missed me, started to turn around as it tried to locate me again. It started swinging its club wildly back and forth around the room, smashing sinks, more bathroom stalls, and even the walls.

I backed up slowly until my back hit the wall and I realized I'd backed myself into a corner. The troll was coming at me now, having identified me, and I cast my eyes around wildly, trying to figure a way out of this. But there wasn't one. I was trapped.

I shut my eyes as the troll came to a stop directly in front of me. If this was the end for me, then so be it. At least I wouldn't have to suffer the pain of rejection and humiliation anymore. I sucked in a breath and waited for the blow, but it never came.

I opened my eyes in confusion and found that the troll had a new target of interest. Harry and Ron were standing in the doorway of the bathroom throwing bits of shattered wood at the thing.

I couldn't understand what they were doing here, or why they would put themselves in danger like this, but I was immensely grateful. I hadn't really wanted to die.

Harry told me to run, but I couldn't move. My feet felt like they were cemented to the floor. All I could do was watch in terror as Harry and Ron continued to distract the troll.

I knew I had to move, to get out of there. Harry and Ron could only distract the troll for so long. But the fear had paralyzed me, and no matter how many times I tried to be logical about the situation, I found that my body wasn't listening to my brain.

In a foolish move, Harry jumped on the troll's back and stuck his wand up its nose. I don't know what possessed him to do it, as it only made the troll angrier and wilder with its movements. I cowered in the corner as it swung its club around crazily, wishing that someone – anyone – an adult preferably – would come and save us from this nightmare.

And then Ron lifted up his wand and cast the levitation spell, causing the troll's club to slowly lift out of its hand and into the air over its head. Then Ron released the spell, letting the club fall straight down, knocking the troll unconscious.

I waited a full two minutes before I dared move. I wanted to be sure the troll was really out. But as Harry pulled his wand from its nose and still it didn't stir, I felt confident that we were out of danger, at least for now.

Professors McGonagall, Quirrell, and Snape all burst into the bathroom at that moment, ready to fight. When they saw the troll lying on the floor, with the three of us standing around it, they demanded an explanation.

I looked to Harry and Ron, wondering how they had come to find me and the troll in the first place. From the guilty looks on their faces, I guessed that they'd broken a rule or two in coming to save me. A strange sensation spread through me. It was partially gratitude, and partially something else that I couldn't put a name to. All I knew was that if they'd risked their necks like that to save me, then they couldn't hate me as much as I'd thought.

Without even realizing what I was doing, I opened my mouth and took the blame. Everyone was surprised – Professor McGonagall, Harry and Ron, even me. I wasn't sure what had possessed me to lie, I just knew that I needed to pay Harry and Ron back for what they'd done for me.

She took five points. It wasn't terribly many points, and based on the story I'd told, I probably deserved to have more taken. But it was the first five points I'd ever lost for Gryffindor house, and I felt myself feeling guilty, even though the story was made up.

She dismissed me before dismissing Harry and Ron. I wanted to talk to them – to thank them for what they'd done for me, but I also knew hanging around outside the bathroom would only get me in more trouble after Professor McGonagall had specifically ordered me to return to Gryffindor Tower. So, I went up to the seventh floor and entered the common room, waiting by the portrait hole for Harry and Ron to return.

When they arrived back, a few minutes after me, they froze upon seeing me waiting for them. The three of us stood awkwardly in the entrance to the common room for a moment as I worked up the courage to thank them for saving me.

Dinner had been sent up to the common rooms after the troll incident, so once the thank-yous were out of the way, I hurried over to get a plate for myself. Harry and Ron followed close behind me, and when I sat down to eat, I was surprised to find that the two of them sat down with me.

For the first few minutes, nobody said anything. It was an awkward situation, made even more awkward when you added in the fact that just before the whole incident with the troll, I'd been crying my eyes out in the bathroom over a conversation they'd been having about me.

"Listen," Ron eventually spoke up, looking conflicted. "I just want to say… I'm sorry about the things that I said earlier."

I raised my head in surprise. Never in a million years would I have expected an apology. And from Ron Weasley no less.

"That's okay," I said with a shrug. "I'm sure everyone's thinking the same thing."

"It's not okay," Ron shook his head. "It was mean and hurtful, and I only said it because I was mad that you were better at levitation than me."

"Well that's only because I practiced it over the summer," I informed him. "I was miserable my first time too."

"Really?" Ron asked his eyes lighting up at my confession.

"Sure," I nodded. "Nobody's perfect on their first try. I was only trying to help, you know."

Ron nodded. "I know," he agreed.

"Hey, maybe you could give me some pointers too," Harry spoke up. "I'm having trouble with levitation myself."

"And if you have any tips for transfiguration or potions or herbology, I'd like to hear those too," Ron said jokingly.

I laughed and was suddenly taken aback. Was I really sitting with two of my classmates, smiling and laughing and chatting casually? Was this what friendship felt like?

"I might have some pointers I could give you both," I offered with a smile.

And for the first time since coming to Hogwarts, I found that I was truly happy.