Well what can I say? It begged to be written okay. So if you haven't already, do yourself a favor and go listen to Folklore by Taylor Swift. I plan on doing more inspired by that album haha.
This is a series of drabbles of 100 words each because I wanted to go classic for this one, baby.
My Tears Ricochet
We gather here
We line up weeping in a sunlit room
And if I'm on fire
You'll be made of ashes, too
The room is full of people and she hates all of them. It should be gratifying how many people turned up but she cannot help but think it has more to do with the wake taking place at Plutarch's than with her. After all, all those shiny people in their colorful fabrics with their glittering diamonds turned their back on her.
Some of them are openly crying and it makes her burn with rage.
What are the tears for?
Who are the tears for?
She would lit the room on fire if she could.
Let them crash and burn too.
Even on my worst day
Did I deserve, babe
All the hell you gave me?
'Cause I loved you
I swear I loved you
Till my dying day
The sea of people parts on the victors' path. They still stand out in a crowd of Capitols and she is attracted to them like a moth to a flame. Like old times.
The children look well and that unknots something in her chest.
Haymitch does not look well and that, on the other hand, makes her feel gleeful.
It is justice. Justice at last.
He left her behind so many times. He hurt her so many times, on purpose or out of cluelessness.
She has loved him so brightly.
It is only fitting her hatred is just as deep.
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And you're the hero flying around saving face
And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?
Whispers follow the victors' walk to the mahogany coffin that lies in a pool of sunlight under the window. Haymitch pretends he doesn't hear the murmured rumors that are being revived right then and there by his attendance. Most of them are sorry for him. As if he's the wounded party.
She follows in his footsteps because when doesn't she? Habits die hard.
He looks into the open coffin, his face hardens.
She looks pretty enough for a corpse. Plutarch made sure nobody would notice the bruises around her throat.
She hopes he thinks about Seneca.
She hopes he regrets.
Cursing my name
Wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
The children say their goodbyes first. Nice and regretful words, teary on Peeta's part, steady from Katniss. Nothing she doesn't expect.
Katniss' hand on Haymitch's shoulder and they're gone, leaving him alone standing at her side.
"Dammit, Effie." he whispers in a broken voice, as if he has any right to be broken.
He left her behind.
Again and again he left her behind.
"The fuck did you do, sweetheart?"
His pain should bring pleasure but it makes her eyes burn instead.
The tears slip and hit the coffin.
They roll down her cheeks but come from his stormy eyes.
We gather stones
Never knowing what they'll mean
Some to throw
Some to make a diamond ring
The funeral is private. Only Haymitch, the children and Plutarch are there to see her being lowered into the earth, between her parents and her sister's graves.
It's a sad little affair.
Haymitch is playing with something in his pocket. She'd suspect his flask if it wasn't too big for his pocket. The ground is littered with pebbles and she decides he probably picked one up, disrespectful man that he is.
He stays long after the others left, staring at the hole at the bottom of which she lays.
It isn't a stone that he tosses in.
It's a ring.
You know I didn't want to
Have to haunt you
But what a ghostly scene
You wear the same jewels
That I gave you
As you bury me
"I was waiting for you."
Her throat closed. A lie. It has to be.
He left her behind to die twice.
But as the sun peeks out from behind a cloud, it catches the bangle around his wrist and as the tarnished gold glitters in the afternoon sunlight, she feels something tear inside her.
She never wanted to see him again.
She follows him when he walks away.
He's wearing her token, the pocket watch she gave to him so many years ago, the flask she entrusted to him…
As if he still has a right to wear her jewelry.
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave
And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name
Wishing I'd stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
The hovercraft trip back to Twelve is mostly silent.
The children chat occasionally. Haymitch sits by himself in a corner, hunched over, his head in his hands. He doesn't even drink.
He looks so broken.
She's never really seen him like this. He's a fighter. He used to say she was one too, that it made her brave.
When she crouches in front of him to take a better look at his face, she sees the tears he doesn't even bother to hide getting lost in his beard.
When she touches her own cheeks, she's surprised to find them wet.
And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want
Just not home
And you can aim for my heart, go for blood
But you would still miss me in your bones
When they land, Peeta makes a comment about going home and Haymitch blows off.
"I've got no home!" he spits and storms away into the night, back to the Village, back to the refuge of his liquor.
She watches him get drunk, watches him break everything he can get his hands on, watches him scream and curse her name until his throat is hoarse…
When his leg twists under him and he collapses, she wishes she could go home for the first time.
It never occurred to her he might be home until she realizes it's too late for that.
And I still talk to you
When I'm screaming at the sky
And when you can't sleep at night
You hear my stolen lullabies
She talks to him.
Day in, night out, she talks to him.
Does he hear her? Sometimes, when he's really drunk, late at night, she swears he does. He stares right where she sits and the tears rolls down his face but it's her eyes that prickle with their burn.
She misses him.
She loves him.
She hates him.
She wants him.
She can't leave him behind.
"I can't live without you…"
His slurred words hit hard.
She asks if he remembers that red dress she wore that one time.
He doesn't answer.
He never does.
He doesn't really hear.
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name
Wishing I stayed
The house is a pile of broken things.
Between two binges, he tells Katniss he killed her. The girl says that's not true but Effie thinks it is. She killed herself because he left her behind one time too many, because she couldn't cope, because she drowned in her demons… He could have helped her. He could have saved her.
She didn't choose the most dignified death but she doesn't regret it.
She's just a little sorry that by killing herself, she killed a part of him too.
And yet she's also a little happy.
She didn't know he cared.
You turned into your worst fears
And you're tossing out blame
Drunk on this pain
Crossing out the good years
And you're cursing my name
Wishing I stayed
He leaves for the woods with his knife one morning. She doesn't know if it's the weird light of dawn but she knows he will never come back.
He doesn't look back once.
He used to say that it's the coward's way out but he doesn't blink when he brings the knife to his wrist. His hands are steady for the first time in months.
They could have had everything, she muses, if they had been less stupid.
"I love you." he snarls, eyes closed. "Fuck you for turning me into this."
The blade slashes, quick and precise.
She waits.
Look at how my tears ricochet
"Haymitch."
He stops staring at his dead self on the forest ground, stops watching the smooth flesh on his wrists, and turns toward her, eyes wide. So many emotions flash on his face.
"If that's hell, it's better than I thought it'd be."
She doesn't know which one crosses the distance, just that his hands are cradling her face and they're kissing and it's like she can breathe again. One of them is crying but she doesn't know if it's him or if it's her or if it even matters.
He's hers.
She's his.
Not for life but for death.
This song hurts, okay? XD I hope you enjoyed this (as much as possible XD) Please let me know your thoughts! As you know I am feedback obsessed and it keeps me afloat.