Chapter 5

Waiting to Exhale

"I can't believe your mom's helping you sneak around like that," Kristy remarked, shaking her head in awe. She lay spread across Raven's bed, wiggling her feet. Mike had recently started letting her come around again.

"It's not like that. She just remembers what it was like when she was young. Apparently, my grandpa didn't let her hang out with guys either."

Raven also got the impression Abby loved being in La Push just as much as she did. She always seemed excited on the drive out and cheerful and content on the way home. Raven thought perhaps Abby didn't like to be around Mike all that much herself.

"It seems like I hardly get to see you anymore," Kristy whined. "I finally get to come over and hang out, and you're always gone. Remember, guys will come and go, but your female friendships will last a lifetime."

Raven frowned, feeling guilty. It was true. Abby's regular La Push schedule was Wednesday afternoons and most of the day on Saturdays, which was fine by Raven. Plus, Jacob started coming by twice a week to take her jogging or just to hang out whenever Mike wouldn't be home, so there really was little time left for Kristy. "Maybe, you could come with me out to La Push sometime."

Kristy made a face and groaned, "I'd feel like a third wheel. Besides, hiking, biking, fishing, watching boring sports on television, and whatever else you two do doesn't sound anywhere near my idea of a good time."

"Then I feel sorry for you." Raven flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned up her nose arrogantly. "I guess you're not sophisticated enough to know what a good time is."

"Sheesh, if that's the case, I hope I never am." Kristy smirked.

"Jacob's going to take me to the Rec Center tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous, because the only person I've met so far is his dad and one of his friends. Seth."

"Is he hot?" Kristy jerked upright to a sitting position, going from bored to excited in a split second.

"He's pretty cute, I guess, but he's only like... fifteen or something."

"Oh." She plopped herself back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with her hands behind her head. "Let see, you've been hanging out with Jacob now, for what? Nearly a month and he hasn't kissed you?"

"No, he hasn't. Just on my cheek, and sometimes he kisses my hand. I just can't figure him out," Raven said, bewildered. "He puts his arm around me, and he holds my hand. But whenever I think he might kiss me, he just doesn't. It's almost as if he purposely stops himself, purposely changes the subject to something else."

"Or, someone else," Kristy suggested. "Maybe he's got a girlfriend somewhere. Are you sure you're not just a gal pal, Raven?"

"He better not!" The thought horrified her. "It has to be more than the friendship thing. He's always so happy to see me. I could see it plainly in his eyes. I talk to him every night, only because he wants me to call him every night. Even on the nights of the days I've already seen him."

"Weird! He sounds like one needy and strange puppy to me."

Raven ignored her, but Kristy's words weren't entirely baseless. Raven thought it odd Jacob generated so much body heat. She loved resting near him, especially when it was cold out, but she couldn't deny the irregularity of his body temperature. He rarely had his shirt on—a definite plus—although not at all normal, considering the general climate in the area. Sometimes, he even went without shoes. Whenever Raven asked him about it, he gave her some lame excuse about getting them wet or needing to give his feet a break. How could they get a break being exposed to the rough forest terrain? He even jogged that way sometimes, never breaking a sweat.

When Jacob thought she wasn't paying attention on occasions, he'd lean over and inhale, almost as if breathing her in. That was nice... in a peculiar, kinky kind of way. She smiled at the sentiment. But aside from him being gorgeous, witty, and smart, it was the way he touched her emotions that hooked her, line and sinker. He always knew exactly what kind of mood she was in and was considerate of her every need. He made her feel special, and he made her feel safe.

Then there were the physical aspects she underwent in his presence. Every time he gave her his sunny smile, she lost her breath, her heart raced, and her tummy tumbled. She couldn't deny she loved him deeply. She thought about how she might die if she ever found out none of it was real, and he had a girlfriend somewhere.

"Raven, are you okay?" Kristy asked, nudging Raven from her depressing thought.

"I was just thinking about what you said. About him having a girlfriend. I'm not stupid, Kristy, there's got to be a reason he hasn't kissed me." Her voice cracked. "It's just that... there's so much I love about him, and it's really starting to bother me."

"Ah, Raven. Forget about what I said. You know him better than I do, so if it feels like he has feelings for you, to you, he must. He's probably one of those guys who likes to take it slow. There are some."

Raven frowned. "I never met any."

"Me either, but there are. Try not to worry about it anymore. I'm sure it'll happen soon."

Jacob hoped Quil or Embry would be at the Rec Center. He didn't check with either of them ahead of time, because he never approached the subject of Raven with them. He was confident they'd badger him out of his mind once they got wind he was hanging out with a new girl. He decided it best to spring it on them with her around. That way, they'd be less likely to ask him questions.

He glimpsed Raven as she exited his car. She tilted her head into her palm, and she was fiddling with her earring, a sign usually indicating she was nervous or distressed. He came around the car, sensing the rapid increase in the beats of her heart. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

She nodded, giving him a partial smile with one corner of her lips turned up. It was a smile he never saw on her face before, so he wasn't exactly sure what it meant. "Everything's fine," she said.

Not believing her, he reached for the lock of hair obstructing her dark eyes, and smoothed it out of the way then clasped her hand. "Good, because there's nothing for you to worry about."

She took a breath and flashed him a more sincere grin. "Okay."

When they walked through the doors, he spotted Quil and Embry on the basketball court, playing a game of one-on-one. Stopping the game, their eyes dropped in unison, to his and Raven's entwined hands.

Embry's eyebrow rose in speculation as he and Quil exchanged curious glances.

Jacob clenched his jaws. If he could have gotten away with it without her seeing, he would have cuffed both of them upside the head for the faces they made. Taking a quick look at Raven, he saw she had lowered her eyes. He was glad she didn't see their rude glances.

"Hey guys, what's up?" he said, glowering at them. "This is Raven."

Raven lifted her eyes, planting a smile on her face. "Hi."

One look at her, and Embry staggered back with his hand over his heart. His eyes went ecstatic and wide, and not taking them off her, he murmured, "I th-think gravity just moved!"

Panicked, Jacob froze, fire blazing within him as his entire body began to ripple.

Embry burst with laughter and slapped Jacob on the arm. "Just messing with you, dude. You should have seen your face, priceless."

"Don't do that, Em," he said, trying to laugh it off as he breathed in through his nostrils, willing his body back to calm and taking a big sigh.

The true possibility of Embry imprinting made his joke hit way too close to home, causing Jacob to rethink taking Raven around any of the other guys. If that should happen, there'd be nothing he could do about it. He came out of his thoughts, seeing Raven's bewildered expression.

"So, you're the one he's been disappearing with," Quil said.

"Yeah, I guess I am." Raven blushed.

Jacob grabbed the basketball from Quil's hands and began taking shots at the hoop. Raven turned toward a bench beside the court.

"Where do you think you're going? You're playing, too," he challenged.

Raven eyes brightened. "What are we playing?" she asked, holding her arms out for the ball.

Jacob passed her the ball. "Do you know how to play whale?"

"No, never heard of it."

"It's just a fancy name for horse," Quil said. "Do you know how to play horse?"

Raven nodded. She appeared to be sizing them up, one by one, then grinned. "Okay, I will, but no one's allowed to dunk it."

Jacob, Quil, and Embry eyed-balled each other, laughing out loud, as if they'd just noticed their height.

They played a few games of whale and Raven won one of them. She's a good shot for a tiny little thing, Jacob thought. She showed them a game called lightning River taught her how to play, and they played a few rounds of that.

It pleased Jacob how well Raven fit in with the guys. They both seemed to like her, but every once in a while, he caught Quil staring at him and her with a peculiar expression. He and Raven teamed up and played a couple games of table hockey against Quil and Embry until Quil announced it was time for him to take off. He was supposed to babysit Claire that afternoon.

Raven checked her phone and said she missed a call from Abby. "I have to call her back." She headed toward the door. "I'm going outside to get better reception."

As they watched Raven walk away, Embry nodded his head in appreciation, drawing out the word, "Nice."

Jacob's face scrunched, and he threw a hard elbow into Emery's chest, making him grunt. It was then Quil began to grill Jacob about what was going on between him and Raven. Jacob grimaced, annoyed. I should have known this was coming. He tried to convince Quil he and Raven were just friends, hanging out.

Quil didn't buy it. "It looks like a hell of a lot more than that to me."

The conversation got interrupted when Raven came back inside to ask Jacob if she could wait at his house until Abby picked her up. One of Abby's elderly patients had gotten sick, so Abby was at the hospital and wasn't sure how much longer she would be.

Jacob offered to drive Raven home, but Raven reminded him she had to return with Abby.

"Stay as long as you need to," he told her.

"I'll go call Mom back and tell her it's okay. I'll be outside, waiting for you."

When she got out the door again, Quil started in again. "What about Renesmee?"

Jacob scowled, raising his voice. "What about her? She's a kid!"

"Leave him alone, Quil," Embry intervened. "If the guy wants to sow his oats while he has time, more power to him."

Quil glared at Embry.

"That's not what I'm doing," Jacob snapped. He paused then said, "I just can't seem to help myself."

"Of course, he can't. Did you not see her, Ouil?"

They both glared at Embry.

"What are you doing then, Jake?" Quil asked.

He didn't know what he was doing, but he wasn't about to let Quil make him feel like he was doing something wrong. "Nothing."

Quil went on. "Have you seen the way she looks at you? She looks like she's in love with you or something."

Jacob saw the way she looked at him. It was one of the main reasons he kept going back. He enjoyed hearing her heart rate increase and seeing her eyes light up whenever he came around.

But Quil was right!

He would never be more than a friend to Raven. His destiny had already been revealed. Shame bubbled up inside him, and he cast his eyes to the floor, explaining, "She's just fun to be with. That's all, guys. I just enjoy being with her."

"Look, I won't pretend to understand what's going on with you and her, and I'm happy for you. I really am. If anyone deserves this, it's you, especially after everything you've been put through," Quil told him. "I just hate to see someone else around here with a broken heart. We all know what that feels like, remember? Accept it, Jake. You're an imprinted man."

They were all outside now and Jacob told Quil not to worry about it and that he'd work it out. Hurting Raven was the last thing he wanted to do.

While Jacob and Raven drove out to his house in silence, he considered how easy the day went from fantastic to sucking. He felt depressed. He couldn't ignore Quil's lecture, or the guilt that followed it.

"What's the matter, Jacob? You're being awfully quiet all of a sudden," Raven asked, concern filling her eyes.

"Everything's good. I was just thinking about something Quil said earlier, but it's not important. Well, it is important, but I'll figure it out later."

Jacob and Raven drove into his yard, and there was a brand-new Jeep parked in the driveway. Jacob wondered who it belonged to, until he spotted Leah and Sue, coming from the house. "That's Sue and Leah Clearwater. Seth's family," he mumbled.

Great, this is all I need.

Sue and Leah helped Billy wheel himself out the door. Billy explained that they were going over to Old Quil's place to have another sweat lodge ceremony.

"You must be Abby's daughter," Sue said, smiling at Raven.

"I am. Do you know her?"

"I do. We met over at Old Quil's house one day. She's very nice and has a way with the elderly folks around here. This is my daughter Leah," she said, gesturing toward Leah.

"Hello." Raven lifted her hand, waving at Leah.

Leah grumbled, rolling her eyes and tossing her head away from Raven.

"I was at Charlie's house the other day when Bella called." Sue tried to read Jacob's face, and he knew it. "She asked about you. She said she's tried to call you, but you're never home. She left a number."

Jacob turned and walked away, following Leah to help her with Billy and the wheelchair.

"She said to tell you hi from all of them," Sue called out, irritating Jacob by how she emphasized the word all.

"Tell her I said hi to all of them back," he snapped, scowling and not caring to hide his irritation.

He really didn't want to have to hear about it, let alone think about it anymore. He was already in a lousy mood.

"I don't think Leah liked me," Raven stated, as she and Jacob watched them drive away.

"She doesn't like anybody," he admitted. They walked up the steps and into the house. "Something happened, and now she's just pissed off at the entire world."

Jacob turned on the TV, and he and Raven sat down on the tiny love seat. Feeling tense, he worked to lift his spirits back up for Raven's sake. He didn't want her to feel the least bit unwelcome because of his preoccupied behavior. None of it was her fault.

"So... who's Bella?" Raven asked.

Her look of doom stood out to him. "She's just Charlie's daughter. She's married now. She moved away three months before I met you... and she's a mom."

When he reached for her hand, she smiled, eased by his answer. Then she asked, "Billy said something about a sweat lodge ceremony. What's that?"

Still bothered by Quil and Sue's conversations with him, he attempted to force them out of his head while he described how the elders had built a sweat lodge and how they used it, fasting and praying until spiritual things are made known to them.

Jacob told Raven that the men who were sweating sometimes had visions or were visited by the spirits of their ancestors, the ones who traveled the paths before them. As Jacob spoke, he realized that Billy had been going over to sweat a lot more than usual over the past few weeks. He only did that when he had serious concerns to attend to.

Jacob watched Raven, staring at him absorbed while he continued to describe the ceremony.

"That sounds amazing. I'd love to see something like that," she offered, intrigued.

Captured by the look in her eyes, he focused on her every quality in return. Her thick dark hair was tied up loosely on her head with a few subtle strands hanging in front of her face. Her lips were pink and so were her cheeks. Her eyelashes were long and thick. Jacob could see hints of her Native American features clearly. Her beauty astonished him.

Becoming overwhelmed with the desire to kiss her, a desire he didn't think twice about fighting, he wrapped his arms around her tight, his eyes sinking into hers as she tilted her head toward him. Their lips touched, and Jacob felt her body surge within his arms.

In an instant, he became aware all five of his sharp senses were feverishly at work. He saw the enticing glow of her beauty, drowned in the fragrance of her skin while tasting the essence of her lips, simultaneously, along with the sound of her sigh and the feel of her body against his.

His heart pounded in his chest and his body temperature soared, sensation shooting from every nerve ending, causing his body to burst with pleasure from the nape of his neck to the tips of his toes, giving him goosebumps.

Trying to regain control of himself, he attempted to slow the motion of his mouth, loosening his grasp, but she pressed her body further into his with an urgency. Perceiving the sudden quickening of her heart and breaths, she became even more irresistible. He tightened his arms around her and continued letting himself drown in her kiss.

A car horn roared, pulling them apart, and it was probably good that it did, Jacob thought.

Raven stood up quickly. Recovering from a ragged breath, she beamed with a sudden blissfulness. "I'm going to the movies in Port Angeles with my friend Kristy tomorrow. Will you come? Maybe bring Quil or Embry? If they're not already seeing someone, I mean."

Feeling dazed with what just occurred, he shook himself, asking, "What time?"

"I'll call you later and let you know."

"I'll try to bring Embry. He thinks he's some kind of ladies' man. Already been out with most of the girls around here."

The horn blared again. Raven gave him a fast kiss and ran to the door. She stepped outside and turned back. "Finally, for a while there I thought I'd have to ask," she teased, grinning.

Jacob smiled back at her, noting the strange irony of her comment and thought, Jeezus, what the hell am I doing?