I wrote this close to a month ago when I woke up obsessed with hayffie sharing embarrassing coconuts stories. So… Here you are ;) Have some crack on this fine morning.

Sharing Stories

Haymitch made sure the scratchy blankets covered them both and Effie hummed her appreciation, burrowing a little more into his side.

Thirteen was cold. Always cold. Particularly when they were both naked and sweaty and too tired to pick up their clothes from the floor because it involved climbing off a bunk bed. Bunk beds and adults shouldn't mix because it made her feel undignified and old – then again, with that military District, that might be the point.

Haymitch, on the other hand, was always warm though and that was something she was grateful for. She nestled her cheek on his shoulder, pressing a kiss on his skin to disguise her grin when she felt his big palm slid under the cover to come rest at the small of her back. Her body was sated and finally free of the tension she was sure would come back first thing in the morning, she felt boneless and limp and simply happy to be wrapped in his arms.

She wished it made it easier to fall asleep.

Sleep, though, didn't come easily. Not when Peeta was missing, probably being tortured for information he didn't have right at that very moment. Not when Katniss was falling apart, unraveling at the seams. Not when she had become a traitor to a city she loved with all her heart. Not when she couldn't muster any remorse for becoming a traitor because she knew she loved her team more. Not when it was impossible to ignore Haymitch had been freer with his affection of late, behaving more like whatever they shared was a relationship instead of a tryst and…

"How are you still thinking after this?" he mocked, his thumb slowly running back and forth on her back. "My brain's fried."

The caress was soothing and she closed her eyes, swallowing back a snort because snorting was unbecoming of a lady.

"Your brain is easily fried when I put my mind to it." she teased.

Since he wasn't a lady and since he didn't care much for propriety, he let out a snort. "True enough."

Silence stretched as they both tried and failed to go to sleep. They should, though. Because Thirteen was never a calm place and the alarm would blare out far too early in the morning to call the District to work and there was no guarantee Haymitch wouldn't get stuck in Command the next night so… They should grab their sleep where and when they could. That they could do so lying together was already a luxury and…

"Can't stop thinking about the boy." he confessed.

His voice was soft and tentative in the dark.

She took a deep breath but bit down on the temptation to tell him she was thinking about Peeta too. All the time. It wouldn't help.

"Tell me something fun." she demanded instead.

"Like what?" he asked, trailing his fingers up her spine and back down.

It shifted the blankets and let a draft of cold air in the nest, which she didn't enjoy. She snuggled even closer to him, tossing her leg over his thighs, determined to lie on top of him if that what it would take to make the maximum of his warmth.

"I don't know…" she hummed. "Tell me…" She wasn't quite sure where she was going with that idea but her thigh bumped into his penis as she hooked her leg higher and it gave her an idea. "An embarrassing sex story."

Nothing like an embarrassing sex story to lighten the mood, she decided, and they needed the mood lightened before it took a drastic turn into usual worries that would feed their respective insomnia.

His hand wandered to her butt and squeezed. "Haven't fucked you well enough tonight?"

The challenge wasn't really one and they both knew it.

As much as she would have loved to go for a second round, the pills they had him on to facilitate his sobriety had undesirable effects that affected their sex life – which was why he forgot to take them two times out of three.

It probably also accounted for the almost imperceptible note of uncertainty under the challenge.

"You certainly did." she purred, nipping at the tender flesh of his shoulder.

She hoped he wouldn't hear the little white lie because, while it was good and exactly what she had needed, it hadn't been as great as it usually was either. It hadn't been since they had tossed him in a cell to ride his withdrawal like a rabid dog and the damn pills he still had to take sometimes to be able to function. She didn't need great though. She just needed him, them together, it was enough. And eventually, the war would end and they would go back to normal. They would get him a better doctor with an actual degree who knew what he was about and all would be well.

He turned his head, his chin propped on the crown of her skull and breathed her in. She wished she could say she smelled like her usual brand of fruity shampoo but Thirteen's soap was handmade and didn't smell like much of anything. It barely smelt clean.

"Fine." he surrendered with a hint of teasing in his voice right as he squeezed her butt again. "Once I farted in the middle of it and I didn't get to finish 'cause apparently that's the worst thing a guy can do. Ever."

"It was gross and the smell was atrocious." she scoffed, wrinkling her nose at the memory.

"Still didn't need to kick me out of bed." he grumbled.

"I had to open a window." she retorted.

He shrugged. "I told you the food at that buffet tasted funny."

She buried her face in his shoulder and groaned. "You know I was determined to never have sex with you again after that time, right? I mean, that was disgusting."

His chuckles were a low rumble deep in his chest. His hand left her butt to come coil around her nap in a possessive gesture that would never stop thrilling her. "For my defense, I was trying to hold it in. You're the one who wanted me to go harder."

She shook her head. "If you were feeling sick, you should just have said so."

He let out an amused noise, squeezing her nape. "You made such a fuss about it… Ain't like I make a scene every time you fart."

She was so horrified by the very thought that her body went rigid. "I certainly never do that."

"Right." He mocked. "Cause you're perfectly in control of your guts even in your sleep."

The perspective that this wasn't just teasing was absolutely mortifying. "Perhaps we should go back to sleeping in separate rooms."

He chuckled again, holding her tighter. "You'd freeze to death and I don't fucking mind. It's like the drooling. It's cute."

"I do not drool in my sleep, Haymitch." she huffed. That particular argument was becoming old.

"Nah, you don't drool, you don't fart…" he taunted. "You probably don't shit either. It's all rainbow and sunshine that comes out of your body, yeah?"

She closed her eyes, took a long deep breath and forced herself to remember she was a patient woman no matter how trying he could be. "Let's move on from these inappropriate subjects."

"You're the one who wanted an embarrassing story." he replied.

"One I was not involved in." she huffed. "And certainly not one that discusses my bodily functions." She heard him opening his mouth and she lifted her head to glare at him. She couldn't see him in the dark because Thirteen's rooms, with the light off, were darkness absolute like only a place buried deep under the earth could be, but he must have felt the heat of it all the same because he wisely snapped his mouth shut. "Now. An embarrassing sex story I was not involved in if you please."

She settled her head back on his shoulder, waiting to be entertained.

He let out a long sigh, his fingers started drumming an irregular beat on the side of her neck as he thought… "There was this woman once… I was in my twenties… She sucked me off in a bathroom… She made those slurping noises… I think she thought it was sexy or some shit but… It was…" He shook his head. "It was slurping. Put me off my game so bad."

"Did you finish?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah." He snorted. "But I didn't let anyone suck my dick for at least two years. That slurping, Effie… I swear."

He half-laughed, half-groaned.

She frowned. "When you say slurping…"

"You know how you complain I make too much noise when I eat soup?" he asked.

She didn't complain he was making too much noise, she complained that he couldn't use a spoon silently. Because he did make slurping sounds and it was… disgusting.

"Oh dear…" she giggled. "That indeed does not sound very appealing."

"Chaff laughed his ass off so hard when I told him, he fell off his chair." he recalled, his tone turning a little sad.

"Chaff always had a flare for theatrics." she remarked but she quickly changed the subject because the aim had been to lighten the mood and talking about recently deceased people certainly wouldn't do that. "My turn, is it?"

"Make it a good one." he demanded. "Cause that farting one… That was gold."

"Only you would qualify that incident of gold." she huffed. "And do not think I did not notice your last story was more embarrassing for the woman than for you." She cleared her throat, settling for a nice funny story. "I had this boyfriend a couple of years ago…"

"How many years ago?" he cut her off immediately, his free hand not so subtly grabbed her thigh while the other one tightened his grip on her nape.

"A few." she answered. "Before the Seventieth." He relaxed a little but not much and she reevaluated her brilliant idea of talking about their sex history. They had never actually said out loud they were going exclusive. It had just… happened. She didn't remember when she had seriously gone out with someone for the last time. She still went out on dates because people would have asked questions otherwise but she hardly ever made it past the first one and she never had sex with other people anymore. That particular boyfriend had been well before they had reached the exclusive point though. "He was nice. Handsome. A real gentleman. I was quite taken."

"Ain't liking this game so much anymore." Haymitch grumbled, letting go of her nape to tangle his hand in her hair. He ran his other fingers up the underside of her thigh. "How about I get you off instead…"

"So you do not want to hear about how I embarrassed both of us when he dropped his pants because he simply wasn't… you?" she asked innocently.

His hand stilled an inch short of her sex and he slowly relocated it to her knee, making sure to trail his fingers all the way there. "I'm listening, princess."

She rolled her eyes. So predictable.

"Well… I liked him a lot. He was a nice man." she insisted.

"For a Capitol." he amended under his breath.

She didn't gratify that with an answer. "On our third date I invited him in and things progressed like these things do…" The hand drifted to her calf. "So, there I was, very much in the mood, kneeling in front of him… I tug his pants and boxers down and he bobs free and I just say… Oh."

He hadn't been enjoying the story, that much was clear from his body language, but that brought him short. "Oh?"

"Oh." she confirmed.

"What kind of oh?" he asked with an amused snort.

"The kind nobody would ever confuse with a delighted sort of surprise." She groaned. "That poor man…"

"So what… You found yourself faced with a…" He took his hand off her knee to wave it in the air. "… pickle?"

"Well, he was thick, that was not so bad." she hummed. "But he was on the smallest side of average. And, spoiled as I am, I have grown accustomed to… more."

She retraced the length of his penis with a teasing finger. She felt him twitch. Perhaps the pills wouldn't be bitches tonight and she might get her second round after all?

"So, wait, let me get this straight… You got that guy naked and then you stared at his dick and went oh?" He laughed. Hard and unrestrained like he rarely did. "Fuck, sweetheart, you're the worst. That poor guy probably got a complex out of this."

"He certainly had no problem getting it up afterwards." she grumbled. "We pretended nothing happened, obviously. It would have been even more embarrassing to address it. He was angry though, that was obvious. But the fact that he went for rough was even worse because…"

"Comparison?" he teased.

"I had to fake." she admitted. "Which he clearly picked up on. It was terrible. I never saw him again."

"Wonder why." he deadpanned but he sounded satisfied. "Any other story where other guys' dicks don't compare to mine? I like those."

"You did ruin me for other men." she sighed. He was a big man and everything was up to scale. Was it her fault if she had grown used to it?

"Fair enough cause you ruined me for other women." he mumbled, a bit reluctant. "You know… Someone made a pass at me this winter… In Twelve, I mean."

She pursed her lips, a burning flare of jealousy making her stomach churn. "That Hazelle woman."

It had to be.

The Hawthorne family seemed to be very intent on stepping on hers and Peeta's toes.

"Didn't say it was her." he denied but she knew him too well and she growled in irritation.

"I told you she was interested. If she comes near you again I will… I will…" She faltered to a stop. This wasn't the Capitol. What could she do to a rival? She couldn't ruin the woman's reputation or make her persona non grata through a few veiled well place manipulations… She couldn't…

"Fucking good thing you don't have cigarettes or I'd be worried you're gonna light someone on fire again…" he mocked.

"That was an accident. How many times must I say it?" It hadn't, in fact, been an accident and she had dropped that cigarette on purpose. But the woman's trail had been long and, of course, there had been no risk of her actually getting hurt. A little crispy, maybe, but not hurt. "I could still claw her face off."

"Not with those nails of yours, you can't." he taunted, wrapping both arms around her. She pouted, sparing a longing thought for her beautiful fake nails. Thirteen's barbarian soldiers had torn them off her first hour in the District. Her nails were broken and blackened now. Atrocious. Haymitch dropped a kiss on her forehead. "So… Thing is… She came at me hard, see? Kissed me, hand went down…"

"You might not want to tell me more because I swear I will commit murder." she hissed. Then, a thought occurred to her and she tried to lift herself up but his arms were trapping her against his chest. "You better not be confessing you cheated on me!"

"Not cheating when we ain't really together, is it?" he retorted but immediately toned it down. "Nothing happened."

"Except for a kiss and a hand that is not mine touching something that really much is." she growled, already plotting Hazelle's demise. She would think of something.

"Can I finish the embarrassing story?" he scoffed. "So. She kisses me and she gropes me… And I just freeze, yeah? Cause… Honestly, to me it was coming out of nowhere. She picks up on it so she stops kissing me and… I don't know… She must have seen it on my face or something 'cause she starts apologizing. I start apologizing. Lots of apologies all around…" He shook his head. "Then I go and blurt out like an idiot that I'm taken."

Effie's heart missed a beat and raced twice as hard to catch up. "Did you, now?"

He nuzzled her hair a little. "I'm pleading temporary insanity. I suspect that's been your big plan all along anyway: drawing me crazy."

"You figured me out." she deadpanned.

He snorted. "Next thing I know, though, she wants to know who I'm seeing cause… Something like that, it'd be all around the District. Twelve ain't that big and I ain't exactly low key." He groaned. "I was fresh out of ideas so I gave the first name that popped into my head."

"Which was?" she prompted.

"Sae's." he said.

It took Effie a few seconds to place the woman. "The scary old lady?" She blinked. "You told her you were dating the scary old lady?"

"Yeah." he sighed. "Somehow, I don't think she believed me."

"You don't say." She laughed. "You could have said you were seeing Katniss' mother… Or… Or I don't know, someone in the city… Someone she doesn't know… Why did you go for Sae?"

He groaned. "I don't know. It just popped out."

"Perhaps you secretly fancy her." she teased.

"Or perhaps the very thought of you makes me stupid." he retorted and he was a bit too serious.

She found his lips in the dark and pressed a long kiss on them that could only be qualified of loving. It was alright though. In the dark, they didn't have to deal with repercussions or even discuss their feelings. They could be sweet and pretend it had never happened.

"You got a lot more embarrassing stories out of me than I did out of you." he grumbled against her mouth.

"When I was younger, before I met you, you were my go-to fantasy when I touched myself." she whispered against his lips. "I had a poster of that photoshoot you did around the Fifty-fourth Games... You were half-naked."

And he had probably hated doing it but insight didn't diminish the memory.

"That ain't embarrassing." He chuckled, his kiss a lot less sweet than hers. It was possessive and hot. "That's just how things should be."

"Maybe it is…" she granted.

It certainly felt like it sometimes.