Chapter 20

Under the Cherry Moon

Jacob sat by himself on a piece of driftwood far away from the bonfire setup. Squishing his feet in the sand, he listened to the repetitious crashing of the waves and the high-pitched screeching of the seagulls. Raven wasn't there yet, and he doubted she would show.

It had been a long, eventful day, which started out great, but quickly turned to sucking and could only get worse. After Jacob left Sam's, he went home to pick up some rope he'd forgotten when Bella and Nessie unexpectedly called. "Are you calling to deliver my invitation to go visit you guys?" Jacob halfway joked.

"Uh, no, not exactly," Bella replied, sounding caught off guard. "We just called to say hello. Is that okay?" She explained something that made no sense about why it wasn't a good time for him to come and visit yet.

Jacob laughed. "Relax, Bella. I wasn't putting you on the spot. I was joking. I'm fine where I am. Don't give it another thought."

Bella said they wanted to catch up with him to make sure he and everyone else was getting along okay after what happened with the Romanians and to Embry. Nessie also shared several stories of her own. It was great to hear from them. Too bad they didn't have something better to talk about than the great and powerful new best friend, Nahuel. But whatever makes Nessie happy. Jacob shrugged.

When he left his house, he felt fantastic.

The day took a turn for the worse when he spotted Raven outside her house playing basketball with some guy. He could tell by his hair color it wasn't River. Surprised, he drove right on by and circled around the block. She seemed to be having such a good time, she didn't even notice him. Then again, he was in Sam's pickup truck.

Jacob raged with jealousy, an emotion he hadn't felt since Bella and Edward. No, it was far worse. He needed to calm way down before he wolfed out and ripped the guy's head off. Shaking, he parked curbside a few houses away from Raven's and breathed as he wondered who he was.

He watched them laughing while they shot around. If he wasn't boiling, he would have smiled at the crafty spin moves she used to fake and get around such a tall opponent. She made everything she tossed up and looked damn cute doing it. She was amazing, and if he could see it, the guy could see it. A second wave of trembles surfaced, his inner wolf wanting to mutilate the kid. He gripped the steering will, working to shake off the desire.

He'd never seen her interact with another guy, because they didn't attend the same school. After he thought about it, he bet a lot of guys paid attention to her, and in his effort to summon calming thoughts, an ugly fact popped out at him. He realized she'd end up with someone else someday, and he had no right to care.

Just then, it hit him like a crowbar. He was an awful, selfish prick. Nothing but a big thieving jerk, stealing precious time away from her. The comprehension turned his jealousy to a sickening guilt, instantly flooding him with shame.

He behaved disgustingly for wasting Raven's time. What was he planning to do? Be with her for the next few years, continuing to share close personal moments with her while Nessie grew up and then walk away? He couldn't do that.

His mind told him what a selfish inner part of him grossly ignored which was: if he wasn't always hanging around her, she could find someone free to love her, someone she had a possible future with. He was passing time away with her, and she deserved better. She deserved the best.

He had allowed himself way too much involvement. Now he was in deeper than ever. Jacob sat there with his eyes on her, trying to figure out what to do next. When he finally felt ready, he started the pickup truck and drove up and into her driveway.

He thought on it while helping with the move, ultimately deciding he couldn't continue to carry on with her. No matter what. It was way overdue for him to explain everything as honest but delicate as possible and let whatever happens, happen. He intended on talking to her after the bonfire.

As he waited for her, he searched for a way to impress upon her that he genuinely loved her. It was why he wouldn't take up anymore of her time. He concentrated on exactly how he should approach the subject. He knew it would devastate her. He needed to figure out how to help her understand. Would she cry? He was sure of it, and he didn't know if he could take it. Watching her cry the last time was hard enough. The urge to tell her he wouldn't go was powerful that day when all he wanted to do was end her sadness. Would he be strong enough to overcome another compelling urge to make her feel better? He wasn't sure.

The thought of hurting her was killing him. He did not want to do it. But the thought of not letting her go so she could find someone else made him feel guilty and hurt just as bad.

Ending it had to be the right thing to do.

Only, he couldn't figure out why it didn't feel like it. Scowling, he laughed at himself mockingly, remembering going through this same conversation in his brain a few months ago, the night he ended up telling her he loved her for the first time. To be fair, it wasn't as if he didn't try to do the right thing before. It just never seemed to work out. Time and time again, he did the opposite of what his mind told him to do. He never seemed in control of himself when he was with her and that baffled him. He grimaced. Excuses... excuses...

Then that stupid song came on the radio, and it was more than he could take. The next thing he knew, he pissed Raven off. He was certain she wouldn't show at the bonfire because of it. It should probably relieve him, because he wasn't looking forward to the conversation in the first place. But the truth of the matter: he was tired of going back and forth with this, and he wanted it to stop. Maybe she'd get so mad at him she'd never want to see him again, completely taking away his choice to be with her. That might be for the best in the long run; at the same time, he prayed she wouldn't hate him too much and maybe they could still be friends.

Something icy cold and wet touched his back, he flinched, recoiling. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the fragrance he'd come to find so much comfort in. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Raven standing there with a can of soda pop and a big grin on her face. She radiated the brightness surrounding her. He knew she shined for him but was it his imagination or did she literally glow with a faint white light?

She sat down beside him somewhat apprehensively and wrapped her arm through his. "What are you doing way over here?"

"I was waiting for you. I wasn't sure you'd come, since I acted like an idiot today," he told her, trying to smile.

She smiled back, carefully it seemed then turned away. "Were you acting like an idiot today? I thought you were acting normal," she teased, looking back at him. "Just kidding. I forgive you. Besides, I couldn't pass up being with you under a red moon and cuddling with you near a cozy fire."

Normally Raven was easy to read, but Jacob's emotions clouded his senses, and he couldn't tell if she was happy or pretending. She won't make this easy, will she?

"A red moon?" he asked in a dull tone.

"It's a red moon again, look." Raven pointed. "It's kind of hard to see because of the overcast, but it's there."

"Huh, it is red again." Something seemed wrong inside him and feeling confused, he couldn't fake a happy disposition. "Let's go sit with the others, okay? I want you to hear the stories... I'm glad you came."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Sure, I'm sure. Sorry. It's been a tough day." He kissed the top of her head, clasped her hand, and they made their way to the fire.

Everyone gathered around the mound of flames, preparing to listen to the legends Billy and Old Quil retold every time there was certain amount of new transformations or new additions to the family.

Jacob and Raven relaxed on a blanket in the sand beside Billy, and River and Leah sat next to Sue. Embry's mom was on the opposite side, sitting with Sam and Emily.

Jacob tried to clear his mind of him and Raven by entertaining himself with watching Brady and Collin fawn over one of the newest wolves, a cute fourteen-year-old girl named Journey. Paying attention to that situation, he got the impression Journey was crushing on Seth. Seth looked irritated at her staring. Journey was the second female wolf, ever, and Leah's hands were full, helping her cope with the transformation.

He redirected his attention to Raven. Old Quil's telling of the Spirit Warriors mesmerized her and her brother. Jacob heard it so many times before he couldn't make himself pay attention. Squirming, he caught Raven glancing at him in annoyance. "Oops"

Scooting over a little to stop distracting her, he stretched out on the blanket with his hands behind his head. He stared at the smoke-hazed sky, listening to the sound of crackling pops, coming from the fire. Old Quil began telling the story of the Third Wife, and Jacob yawned, barely keeping his eyes open.

When Old Quil finished the story, he announced, "The Legend of Imprinting."

What? Jacob shot to a sitting position. They never told this story at the bonfire. He cut his eyes at Billy and glared. No one seems to be able to mind their own freakin' business around here!

Gritting his teeth, he listened to Old Quil's worn raspy voice, wondering why the change.

He glanced at Raven. Her expression had tensed with dread, and her heart thumped with anxiety. His arm accidentally brushed against her arm, and she pulled herself away from him. This wasn't the way he wanted to approach the subject with her. I'll kill Billy!

"The legend tells us imprinting is love at first sight, only much stronger as it creates a persistent and constant bonding between two people that cannot be broken. When their eyes meet, the will of the wolf awakens as it immediately recognizes its partner. Though the wolf's will has awakened, it may take the human side winning over. He will wait for the woman he loves by not aging, for he knows she is The One," revealed Old Quil.

Jacob sat on edge, clenching his fists with waves of anger rolling through him. It didn't help matters that Old Quil and Billy stared straight at him, shining a huge, luminous spotlight on his already guilt soaked conscience.

Billy added, "Never, in our entire history, has there been this many wolves at once. As we have continued on our path for knowledge, knowledge continues to be revealed to those of us seeking the answers. This has been made known."

Old Quil continued, "Though the legend tells us the bond cannot be broken, the bond can be loosened, let go of completely, but not by the wolf.

Jacob listened to the sound of Raven's anxious heart beats slow, feeling a more depressing tone from her overall presence and could do nothing to help her.

"When this happens, either by death or by imprint choice, a way is made for another. If it were not so, survival of the wolf species would be at risk. No wolf shall be hurt to the point of death for a blessing such as imprinting or the rejection thereof. Because of its power and uniqueness when the wolf first feels the strength of an imprint bond, a transfer may not be as evident to the wolf as that of the first imprint. Nevertheless, the strength and commitment of this new bond shall remain equally powerful. It is of this bond the Legend of the Third Wife comes."

Infuriated with Billy and the Council's decision to discuss imprinting without informing him, Jacob unwilling digested Old Quil's words. Gradually, he grasped the meaning of them.

A flash of his and Nessie's recent telephone conversation surged through his mind. "He's my new best friend." As did the not-so-vital way he felt after the conversation ended, a feeling he grew accustomed to, over the months he spent away from her and Bella. It had become so easy to get along without her in his presence.

Whatever makes Nessie happy...

Something else stood out clearly, something from a deeper level he didn't allow himself to mentally understand until now. Feelings he kept dismissing as wishful thinking, because of what he'd been taught and believed about imprinting. Everything suddenly clicked. It was Raven he couldn't stay away from anymore. It was her scent he could detect above all others. It was her disposition he constantly attuned to. It was her every expression making his world go around.

He emerged from his thoughts seeing Sue and Old Quil smiling at him. Igniting with exhilaration, he turned to his dad, whispering, "You knew?"

"No, but considering your behavior, we suspected something. We just needed to be sure." Billy's eyes shifted passed him. "I'll explain more later." He puckered his lips and pointed them at Raven.

Jacob turned toward her. She sat ignorant of all words spoken, as if she'd turned off her mind, blocking them all out. Jacob took hold of her hand. "Can we go for a walk?" he asked.

She glared at him, jiggling her hand free. Ignoring him, she stayed put. Her shoulders were slumped forward, the gleam gone from her eyes, and the color had drained from her cheeks and lips.

Jacob lifted her chin with his fingers. "It's okay. I'll explain it to you."

Raven closed her eyes and yanked her head away from him, refusing to let him make eye contact. He decided to give her time, while he waited with impatience for the crowd to thin out more, so he could talk to her without an audience. The bonfire guests trickled away, slower than molasses. Unable to take her silence and depression any longer, he whispered, "Raven, do you love me?"

She took a deep breath and sighed, muttering, "I do but... I know you've been trying to tell me about your imprinting." Her voice cracked and with a painfully weak tone, she asked, "Was this why you wanted me here tonight?"

"Yes, but I didn't know they would talk about it. They did, and we can be together now." Jacob was ecstatic, but Raven didn't notice.

She hung her head, her voice sulky as she said, "Now. Until when? Until it happens or until it's time?"

"But it has happened. That's what I'm telling you. That's what Billy and Old Quil were telling you. That's what they were telling us."

Raven refused to hear him.

"Please, try to understand, Raven."

To that, she snapped in agitation. "Jacob, I know it happened, and I understand. What I don't understand is why I needed to come here to hear about it?Stupid unbreakable bond! I don't even want to think about it. It's bad enough I know about it!"

Jacob put both hands on Raven's shoulders and turned her to face him, stressing, "It's you, Raven!"

A glint of hostility flickered across her face. She clenched her jaws. "It's not me. It's you. You're the one who knew about it all this time. This is your fault!" She was so confused and getting loud. He put his fingers to her lips and tried to look into her eyes. She lowered them, turning her head away from him stubbornly.

Desperate for her to understand him, an unexpected overwhelming urge compelled him to... "Marry me," he blurted in a whisper.

"What? Wait a minute, Jacob... What?" Looking disoriented, she ran her fingers through her hair, shaking her head in confusion. "What are you talking about, Jacob. What's that supposed to do?" She scowled, pursing her lips.

"Not now. Someday, when we're out of school or college. Someday, whenever you're ready. I don't care when, just promise me." He searched her glower for comprehension, focusing on her face until she finally met his eyes and absorbed his stare. Speaking slowly, he said, "I asked you to marry me because it's you, and it has been you since the very first time I spoke with you that day on the street. That's why I could never stay away from you after that."

Momentarily stunned, she tried to absorb his words. Then her eyes brightened and sparkling color came back to her face. He could see she understood. A brilliant smile burst through, as tears appeared in her eyes. She hurled herself at him, knocking him on his back. The taste of her kiss was sweet mixed with salty tears, and a few tiny drops fell from her eyes to his.

"Whoa, little sister, take it easy! I'm sitting right here," River reminded her, nervously laughing under his breath at the spectacle of it all.

They both reactively froze. Raven pulled away startled, and Jacob sat back up. Those still sitting there stared at them. Raven flushed ruby red with embarrassment.

It's a good thing its dark out, Jacob thought.

Silly snickers came from some guys, and Jacob's ears and face felt as hot as her color which surprised him, because rarely did he get embarrassed.

Getting to her feet, Leah attempted to yank River up beside her. "We're going for a walk," she asserted. Then she glared a silent demand to the others to leave, letting Jacob and Raven know she was trying to get them some privacy.

River stood up. "We'll just be right over there," he said, pointing to a nearby log a little way up the beach.

"No, we won't. We're going far," Leah insisted.

"We'll be right back," River argued lowly, glaring sternly at Leah then resting his eyes back on Jacob and Raven.

"No, we won't. We're taking our time," Leah maintained, defiantly tugging at him until he gave in and wandered off with her, up the beach.

Raven hugged her knees burying her face. She and Jacob sat in silence until River and Leah were totally out of sight and the rest of the pack took the hint, Paul and Rachel wheeling Billy away.

"What about Renee?" Raven asked cautiously, raising her head to meet his gaze after they had all gone.

Jacob's eyes widened, and his eyebrows lifted with uncertainty. "Who?" he asked, elevating the end of the word.

"I don't know." Raven shrugged.

Narrowing his eyes in deliberation, he nodded with understanding. "I get it now. It's not Renee. It's Renesmee, and from what I understand, we're only going to be friends." Assessing her demeanor, he asked, "Do you want know the story behind that, because I'd like to tell you everything?"

"I do, and I promise I will, but not now. I feel exhausted." She attempted to smile but yawned instead. "But it's a happy exhaustion. You have no idea what I went through today. What I've been going through."

"Now that you mention exhaustion," he said, stifling a yawn of his own. "Trust me. I'm sure I have a good idea."

He brushed his lips against hers and slowly kissed her, consciously taking in her taste, smell, the sound of her sighs, and the feel of her body in his arms, far more intensely than he allowed himself to do before, guilt free. When their mouths separated, he said, "I'm sorry for that."

"You should be, and I know that you'll be making it up to me." She smirked.

Jacob chuckled. "I will. I promise"

"There's something else wrong," she stated in hesitance.

"What?"

"It's about that imprinting thing... Okay, so... " Speaking with distinctness, she explained, "I know that I love you because I love you. You only love me, because something's forcing you to love me. Somehow, that just doesn't feel right to me."

Jacob sat quietly for a few moments, reflecting on Raven's concerns and reliving the day she entered his life. "I don't know if this will help you at all, but I'll tell you, anyway. I liked what I saw of you, the very first time I spotted you standing in your bedroom looking out the window. I liked the way your voice sounded when I heard you singing that same evening. This was before our eyes met, so I want to believe that even without the imprinting I would feel the same way about you, as I do right now."

She said nothing, telling him his words were no help. He absorbed himself in his own thoughts about imprinting to find a better explanation. Wrapping both arms around her, he leaned her back into him—she fit so perfectly in his arms that way—and stared into the fire, while he concentrated on how to describe his own take on imprinting to her. "I hated imprinting myself, at first."

He fell silent, still reasoning until he found the thoughts that made sense to him. "I guess what helps me to accept imprinting now is that... I know out of all the girls in the entire world there is no girl better suited for me than you. Lucky for the both of us and thanks to the wolf inside of me, I'm able to recognize it."

Quivering against him, she gulped. "Wow, that thought does help." She turned toward Jacob and stared into his eyes. "Yes, I promise to marry you someday." Then whispering against his blissful grin, she said, "Thank you for your mom's red moon promise."

A/N I hope you enjoyed my first fanfiction. If you did, please let me know. I wrote this piece to explore Stephenie Meyer's explanation that these girls who are imprinted on have a choice. Thank you for reading it. Hear more from Billy in the Epilogue as he explains to Jacob what transpired between him and Raven, and learn more about the Native American vampire who got away.