"I hate you and I am going to get even with you for this, you know that, right?" said Joe in a mild conversational tone. "If you wake up one morning with a radioactive tarantula sitting on your chest, just know that it's from me."

"Radioactive? Really? That seems like overkill," rejoined Lee, cheerfully.

"No, because I want you to suffer," answered Joe. "If Carrie's going, then Joe should come along too and keep me company," he mimicked Lee from the day before. "You realize that this is now going to be a thing?"

"A thing?" Lee was pretty sure he didn't like the sounds of that. He straightened up from where he'd been leaning on the back of the shopping cart; Joe didn't bother, if anything he hunched more miserably over his own cart.

"Oh yeah," said Joe, deeply satisfied as he saw that look of uncertainty on Lee's face. "They're having a great time, they managed to sucker us into coming along to help – both of us, thanks to you – and now every year, it's going to be "But Boys, we all had such fun doing all the shopping together last year, and you were soooo helpful." He paused for effect. "And now it's going to be a tradition."

"You're kidding."

"I never kid about traditions, Lee. Trust me, we're doomed."

Lee looked around the seething store, filled with Black Friday shoppers and blanched. "I can do this once but every year? Oh hell, no!"

"Well, start practicing being really miserable and grumpy because being a pain in the ass all day today is the only way they won't want us along next time."

Lee shuddered. He'd spent years being grumpy and miserable around Amanda and he was pretty sure she wasn't going to fall for that act anymore. "I'm screwed."

"Yeah, but at least they love us," chuckled Joe. "That makes up for stuff like this, right?"

Lee slouched back over his cart with a groan. "I can't even believe this is necessary – how many Christmas presents do they need to buy that we need to be here at the crack of dawn ready to repel boarders from raiding their shopping carts?"

"Oh, they don't need to buy anything," said Joe, laughing. "If I know Amanda, she's been picking up bits and pieces all year and Dotty's the same. Their shopping is probably all done and they're just hunting for sport now."

"But they have a new recruit, thanks to you," pointed out Lee.

"Well, Carrie won't be a complete novice at this – I mean she has a big family and she would have had to buy a bunch of gifts for them."

"Oh right," answered Lee, nodding. "Eight nights of them right?"

"Yeah," Joe shrugged. "But she says most of the nights you only give little token things and in her family these days, it's just for the kids. She and her brothers and sisters only get each other stuff when they're spending any part of Hanukkah together and even then, it's usually little joke things." He started to grin. "She's pretty excited to get to buy 'real' presents for Phillip and Jamie."

"So you guys are really doing the full Christmas thing?" asked Lee.

"Yeah, but we're doing Hanukkah too," explained Joe. "We've been sort of tossing ideas at each other for how to enjoy both sets of traditions. So Carrie wants a tree, because she thinks they're pretty, but we won't turn the lights on until after the menorah candles have burned out. We're getting the boys Christmas presents but we're taking them to her cousin's house for the eighth night because that's a big deal and they'll get to see those traditions. Best of both worlds, I guess."

"It sounds it," agreed Lee. "I'll just be happy if I survive it without dying of a gingerbread overdose. And if I can think of a good present for Amanda."

"You haven't figured that out yet?" asked Joe.

"No," Lee sighed. "I bought her diamond studs last year – to go with that heart charm she wears all the time, you know?" Joe nodded. "But she doesn't actually wear a lot of jewellery, so I don't want to do that again. And Dotty gets her favorite perfume every year, so that's two of my go-to items off the list."

"Yeah, but you're buying for a wife now, not a girl you're trying to impress – that's a different kettle of fish. Not that you shouldn't be trying to impress, I mean - you just have to do it in a new way."

Lee hadn't been able to help his start of surprise when Joe said 'wife'; it always took him a moment to remember that Joe was the only living soul outside of the Marion Court House who knew they were married. It had been by Amanda's insistence, although he'd understood completely – after her accident in California, it had become more important than ever that at least some legal paperwork was in place. So Joe, as both father and lawyer, had been sworn to secrecy and had helped prepare wills for all three of them as well as guardian paperwork that made it clear that Lee had both responsibility and rights as far as the boys were concerned. Carrie had something similar as their step-mother but since she had no idea about their real jobs, she wasn't privy to all the details – or the secret. Joe and Amanda had agonized over that one for a while before deciding that the safety of ignorance needed to be extended there as well.

"It's different to buy for a wife?" Lee asked, confused.

"Not really," grinned Joe. "But it opens up new possibilities, you know?"

"No, I don't know," confessed Lee. "Some of us have only been married the one time," he added pointedly in an overly virtuous tone.

Joe clutched his heart and laughed at the insult. "Well, you can still go with some of the usual things, like jewellery and lingerie – although maybe don't give her that in front of the boys, right? But Amanda likes practical stuff or family stuff or things for the house. You see what I mean?"

Lee looked at him through narrow eyes. "You're not trying to trick me into buying her Ginsu knives or something, are you?"

Joe chuckled. "God, no! She'd know that was my idea in a heartbeat and get revenge. But honestly? I bet she'd kill for one of those." He pointed over to a display of Cuisinarts. "She used to watch those cooking shows where the chefs all had them and she'd moon over them in the store, but we were young and new parents and there was no way we could afford one."

Lee stared at the display, then back at Joe. "Really?"

"Would I lie about something like that?" grinned Joe.

"Five minutes ago you were threatening me with radioactive spiders – I'm pretty sure giving a woman a kitchen appliance for Christmas is a way faster way to die."

"With any woman but Amanda that would probably be true," conceded Joe. "But look how domestic it would make you look – and you know she'd like it. And they're on sale," he added as a clincher.

Lee lapsed into silence, staring at the rapidly diminishing pile of food processors. "Damn it, how am I supposed to get one as a surprise when she's here with me?"

"Good question." Joe gave it some thought. "Okay, put it in our cart, we'll cover it with my coat so she doesn't see it, and then we can do the same in your cart if I find something for Carrie."

"Wait," Lee started to laugh as he lifted the box into Joe's cart and covered it up. "You still haven't figured that out either? You are way more screwed than me!"

"How do you figure that?" smirked Joe. "Carrie loves jewellery and perfume and all that girly stuff. No problem."

"Yeah, but I only have to buy one gift," Lee pointed out, dropping a sympathetic hand on Joe's shoulder. "You have to buy a Christmas present and eight Hanukkah gifts."

There was silence as Joe took in the significance of Lee's comment, then, "Have I mentioned how much I hate you, Stetson? Especially when you're right?"

"So I should still be watching out for that radioactive spider?"

"No." Joe pretended to glare at him. "You should be watching out for two radioactive spiders!"

"Yeah, I'm not worried about that," said Lee cheerfully, leaning over his own cart again.

"No - are you sure?"

"Yeah - with everything you have to buy Carrie, you can't possibly afford more than one spider."