Prompt: can you please write a fluffy/funny one shot where there's a certain trend in the Capitol that haymitch just can't get behind? This was totally inspired by all the creepy Halloween contact lenses I saw and I could totally imagine hayffie passionately tumbling into bed and haymitch bursting out laughing like 'I really can't fuck you with those things in I can't take you seriously and you're kind of freaking me out' and then them laughing about it

Your Creepy Yellow Eyes…

Haymitch had seen quite a lot of stupid fashion trends come and go in his time but the "cat eyes" might be the worst one yet.

It was plain creepy.

When he showed up at the Justice Building for the Reaping and found himself face to face with his escort, he actually recoiled in horrified surprise.

Her lovely blue eyes were gone, replaced by yellow pupils slit with black.

"Please, tell me that shit ain't permanent." was the only thing that came to mind.

She didn't take it particularly well.

"You would not know fashion if it hit you on the nose." she accused.

If the fashion in question was creepy eyes, he was happy to remain unaware.

Every time her gaze turned his way after that, he shuddered. That led to more drinking – not that he ever really needed an excuse, particularly on Reaping Days. He was too drunk when they reached the train for her to bother with him and he would have been happy to stay so but, unfortunately, sleep had a way of sobering him up and, the next morning, when she strode in his room – far too early – claiming he needed to make an appearance at breakfast to properly meet the kids and start mentoring – which would probably not happen – he was far too clear-headed.

He tossed his blankets over his head and told her to go away.

Predictably, she pulled the curtains open and violently tugged off the blankets, letting the sun stream on his face despite his groaning.

He reconciled a tiny bit with the abrupt wake-up call when he felt the mattress dip next to his hip.

"Are you entirely awake or should I look out for that knife under your pillow?" she joked.

"Should always look out of the knife." he mumbled, rolling on his back. That must have been good enough for her because, next thing he knew, there was her familiar weight straddling his thighs. He had to take a deep breath to remind himself that was alright, just Effie, but when he finally opened his eyes to face the day and he found himself looking straight into her yellow eyes, he couldn't help but jerking back with a small yelp.

"Shit, Effie!" he spat. "Warn a guy before going into mutt roleplay first thing in the morning!" He wrinkled his nose. "Mutts really ain't my kind of kinks."

She rolled her unnatural eyes. "Cats are all in fashion right now. Blame Tigris. This is tame, you should see what others have come up with. There are people with actual grafted furry ears and tails walking around."

He tried to picture it, found he couldn't and shook his head. "And I thought it was bad when people started dying their skin weird colors…"

"All in the name of fashion." she hummed.

"Right." he scoffed. "Can't help but notice you never go for the permanent alterations."

Her lips twitched. "Because fashion is fleeting and no one will ever say I do not keep up. I do not want to be considered old-fashioned next week because my skin is purple. Cosmetics and accessories do the job just as efficiently."

"Body paint…" he recalled fondly. "Now that was fun…"

"Not for the Avoxes who had to clean the sheets and the bathrooms…" She chuckled. "I hope this fashion trend passes quickly though. Those lenses are not comfortable."

"They're creepy as fuck." he deadpanned. "And I ain't touching you if you keep that shit on."

He jerked his hips upward once to get his point across but she seemed undisturbed.

Her face was schooled in her bubbly escort mask – with the addition of creepy eyes.

"How coincidental, we do not have time for any funny business." she remarked. "We barely have enough time for you to take a shower before breakfast. Non negotiable."

He made a face but since he couldn't remember the last time he had bothered to actually shower, he figured she had a point. He smelt ripe and when his own smell bothered him, it was usually time to wash.

Still, he was a little sorry when her weight fell of his legs and she sauntered to the door.

"And don't you dare go back to sleep, Haymitch." she warned. "Or I will get furry ears and a tail just to ravish you."

He tossed a pillow at her but she had already slipped out and it bounced off the closing door.

He heard her laugh all the way down the corridor…