Chapter 48: Compromise

I watched, aghast, as my time turner was taken away and placed in the top drawer of Professor McGonagall's desk.

"Professor, you can't do this, there must be something I can do to keep the time turner," I said, pleading.

"Ms. Granger, I don't think you understand how serious this really is. By your own confession, you have been living days twelve to sixteen hours longer than the rest of us. In theory, you have lived at least an extra month and a half in the past three months. Since I assume you are only sleeping once each night, that means your body has lived through an extra month and a half without any extra sleep time to compensate for it. I've been healing you of the exhaustion effects for your class hours, but all the rest of the time you've repeated has stayed with you. The only reason you're still functioning is that you didn't go a full month and a half without sleep, but it will catch up with you faster than you think," Professor McGonagall said.

I felt lightheaded. My thoughts began swirling. I was so overwhelmed and distraught that I couldn't think straight anymore. I just wanted to lie down for a minute to rest so that I could deal with this. Maybe if I closed my eyes for a second, I could gather my thoughts. But once I closed them, they wouldn't open. I was disoriented. I felt air rushing past me, and I felt a little dizzy and then everything went black.

"Ms. Granger! Ms. Granger! Get up! Get up!" I heard a voice saying.

My head hurt and I felt my arm squashed under my body at an odd angle. I couldn't remember how I got on the ground. I finally forced my eyes open to find myself in the transfiguration classroom with Professor McGonagall standing over me with a concerned expression on her face.

My situation rushed back to me. My time turner had been taken away. I was lacking a lot of sleep. Then I must've passed out or something.

"See Ms. Granger," Professor McGonagall said as she helped me up and sat me in a chair. "Skipping out on too much sleep can be very dangerous. Imagine if you had been flying when that happened."

I understood the professor's point. Obviously, I really needed to sleep. I suddenly realized that even though my head was telling me I needed to sleep, I actually no longer felt tired at all. In fact, I felt like I could run a marathon.

"Professor, I'm not tired anymore," I said, trying to figure out how that could be. I couldn't have been unconscious for that long, so how could I feel this refreshed already?

"Of course not," Professor McGonagall snapped irritably. "I performed a complex charm on you to relieve you of the majority of your exhaustion. Otherwise, you would have needed to sleep until Christmas."

I began to consider this charm. She'd been casting it on me every week, to counter the exhaustive effects of using the time turner for classes, and now she'd used it to take away a month and a half's worth of tiredness in one go. If I learned the spell, I could rid myself of my tiredness, and I could continue to use my time turner as I had been while using this charm on myself so that I didn't end up in this situation again.

Professor McGonagall must've been able to read the thoughts on my face, because before I could say anything, she spoke.

"Absolutely not. Ms. Granger, you cannot rely on a charm to keep you healthy. Sleep is vital and without it, even with this charm, you could still do a large amount of damage to your body."

I sighed. "But Professor, if you just taught me the charm, I would promise to use it responsibly and I would only use the time turner when it's absolutely necessary," I said.

"Unfortunately, you have already lied to me once, and evidently I can't trust you to act sensibly," Professor McGonagall said.

"But Professor, my classes," I said, desperate now. "I can't just drop them. I've already started. It would be unfair to my teachers." At this, Professor McGonagall paused. I took this as encouragement and kept going. "You can even start checking my time turner at the end of each week if you want, to see how often I've been going back in tim."

I waited expectantly while Professor McGonagall deliberated. "Ms. Granger, what exactly is it that you do during all this extra time you keep acquiring?" she asked.

"My homework," I said, confused.

"And Ms. Granger, if you are given an hour to write a test, would it be okay for you to use the time turner to give yourself two hours?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Of course not," I said. "That would be cheating!"

"Then how is it okay to do the same with your homework? How is it fair to the other students to give yourself more time than they have? If I give my students two days to write an essay, it is because I want my students to write the essay in two days," Professor McGonagall said.

I bowed my head. She was right. I was cheating and I should feel ashamed. I shouldn't be using my heavy workload as an excuse, I'd chosen to take this many classes.

"Ms. Granger, I've read your essays. Without fail, every homework assignment you have submitted to me has been beyond excellent. You surpass all expectations, your writing shows evidence of extensive research into every topic, and you have your textbooks memorized," Professor McGonagall said.

I felt a surge of pride, followed by embarrassment for feeling proud while being reprimanded.

"As wonderful as your work is, if it costs you all this time, it really is unnecessary," she continued. "I more than anyone understand how important it must seem to hand in near perfect work. You've set a standard for yourself, and you feel as though failing to meet that standard would bring disgrace upon you."

I looked up, amazed that Professor McGonagall could really understand all of this. She had described my feelings almost perfectly. "How do you know all that?" I asked.

"There was a time, Ms. Granger, when I was young, that I was in a very similar situation to yours. My first two years at Hogwarts, I excelled in my classes. I never let myself get less than eighty percent on anything. Marks lower than that made me sick. Marks below ninety percent even made me feel uncomfortable. I never felt proud of myself unless I scored a one hundred. Receiving an acceptable would have been unacceptable."

I felt captivated by the Professor's story. It was almost like she was inside my head.

"In my third year, I added all six elective courses to my schedule. At the time alchemy was also an option. I was issued a time turner from the Ministry of Magic just as you were. It became more difficult for me to keep up with all my work. I was losing sleep, repeating hours to manage all my homework. I stopped eating so that I wouldn't have to waste time in the Great Hall. I lost a lot of weight, I became irritable, and I eventually became estranged from my friends. By Christmas, I had almost completely destroyed myself, but I didn't even realize it."

"Over Christmas, I rested and caught up on lots of sleep. I thought I was fine. It seemed as though I was back to normal. When classes started again, I fell back into my routine. It took even less time than before to become exhausted again. Finally, on my way to the library one day, I fainted in the hallway and ended up in the hospital wing."

"I ended up missing almost three weeks of classes while the matron at the time, Madame Pilgreen, forced me to drink potion after potion to bring me back to full health. Though I longed to return to the main castle and my courses, she insisted on keeping me under observation. Just before she released me, the Headmaster at the time, Armando Dippet, paid me a visit and removed my time turner from my possession. I was automatically de-registered from three of my elective courses of the Headmaster's choosing and I returned to the castle, humiliated and ashamed."

"So, you see Ms. Granger, I understand your situation better than anyone. However, since I have already experienced this, I understand better than you the consequences of what you are doing, and I care enough about you to stop this now before you end up in the hospital," Professor McGonagall said.

I felt a warmth fill me when she said this and I smiled. "Thank you," I said.

Professor McGonagall looked at me for a moment and then I saw a tiny smile grace her lips for a fleeting moment.

"However, we still have to address your situation," Professor McGonagall said. I bit my lip and waited.

"I cannot condone your use of the time turner to have extra time for your assignments. I will be speaking to your other teachers, and though they each reserve the right to make the final decision for their own class, I think it is safe to say your current course mark will be docked about ten percent in each class," she said. I grimaced, though I knew this was fair, so I didn't argue.

"As for your time turner... I will make you a deal," she said, surprising me and causing me to silently rejoice on the inside. "You may have the time turner back, but you will come and see me in my office every Friday as you have been, and I will personally verify the time turner to make sure you are using it responsibly. At the end of the school year, you will choose two non-mandatory courses that you do not wish to pursue in your next four years of education at this school and you will drop them. You will return the time turner to me and I will return it to the Ministry of Magic."

I frowned. She was going to make me drop classes anyway. Even though I really didn't like the arrangement, I agreed. At least I could continue my classes for now, and maybe with the extra time, I could come up with a case for her to let me keep the time turner next year.

Professor McGonagall opened her desk drawer and gingerly picked up the time turner. When I reached for it, I found that her grip on it was quite tight. With reluctance in her eyes, she released it and I hung it back around my neck, feeling much better now that it was back where it belonged.

"And Ms. Granger," she said as I was turning to leave. "If you find you are having trouble or need help or advice, please come and see me."

"Thank you, Professor," I said. Though I knew I'd let Professor McGonagall down today, and that I'd also completely destroyed her trust in me, it was still comforting to know that someone understood what I was going through.