It was no good trying to hide by the time he realized she'd walked in – he'd been mid-whoop at the touchdown that had finally put the Redskins on the scoreboard in the second quarter and it was only when he'd fallen back against the sofa cushions that she'd spoken.

"Oh, you're home." He'd almost jumped out of his skin at the unexpected voice behind him. He'd twisted around and found Amanda standing in the doorway to the apartment, holding her keys in one hand, a casserole dish in the other and looking slightly confused.

He understood the reason for the confusion – he had, after all, told her not even three hours ago that he was heading into the office to get caught up on paperwork so that it wouldn't be hanging over them during Christmas.

"But it's Sunday dinner and I'm making Beef Wellington – your favorite," she'd sighed. "You were busy all day yesterday helping with that case of Francine's - I haven't seen you since Friday."

"I know, I know," he'd said soothingly. "But if I get all this tidied away, then there's nothing to distract us during Christmas right?"

"Well, how about I come help you then? Many hands make light work and all that."

"No, no, it's okay – I'm just really making sure things are cleaned off my desk, nothing big, nothing I need your help with."

"Okay, if you say so. But we'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too but hey, duty calls sometimes, right? And we'll be together all the time for Christmas, right?"

She'd protested a little more, offering to help but finally she'd agreed that it made little sense for her to come all the way from Arlington just to help him with filing and expense forms, and they'd said good-bye with an exchange of "I love yous" and promises to call later to say good night. Given all of that, her confusion at finding him in his apartment, in comfortable sweats, TV blaring the game and no obvious signs of work anywhere, was completely understandable.

"I was worried you might be hungry if you got back late so I thought I'd bring you some dinner," Amanda was explaining now. "But I guess I didn't need to worry," she went on, gazing at the open bottle of champagne and the bowl of guacamole dip and chips on the coffee table.

For the briefest of moments, he considered lying, considered saying he'd brought work home with him, but he could see her gaze sweeping the room and knew it wouldn't work. "I… umm… I was going to… and then I remembered the Redskins were…"

A look went across her face, a look of sudden comprehension mixed with a flicker of hurt that pierced his heart like a knife. "Amanda…"

"I'll just put this in the fridge and let you get back at it then," she said, moving across the room and disappearing into the kitchen. She re-emerged a few seconds later and bee-lined for the door but by then he was on his feet, intercepting her before she reached it.

"Amanda, no… you don't have to go. You've come all this way, please stay."

It hurt a little bit to see the way she stopped to consider that as if she was debating whether she wanted to stay there, with him, with her husband when it obviously looked so much like he'd been avoiding her. And he knew he deserved that hurt because he knew he'd put that same expression in her eyes.

"Are you sure?" she asked and there was an element to the question in her voice he couldn't quite place.

"Of course I'm sure. You're here and I'm happy to see you and the game isn't that important. Please... stay." This was brutal – he was begging his wife not to leave him over a stupid football game.

Amanda's dark eyes studied him for a moment before she nodded and shrugged off her coat, turning to hang it up. "Okay, I'd like that. But keep the game on – I think Miami could be the dark horse in the AFC and sneak up on them. This could be a Super Bowl preview, for sure."

"Yeah, Marino's pretty good," Lee replied in relief, waiting for her to move back past him to the sofa before asking, "Can I… uh, get you a glass of champagne?"

"No, I'd better not – I'll have to drive home later," she answered, settling down and reaching for a handful of chips.

He came and sat back down, oddly ill at ease with the person he loved more than anyone in the world. She cuddled into him the moment he sat down beside her, so he figured she wasn't too angry, but she definitely knew he'd lied about tonight and he couldn't figure out how to explain it without sounding like a pretty awful person. His mind was still working on that conundrum when half-time started and as the ads began to blare out, Amanda asked, seemingly out of nowhere, "Did you even leave the apartment this weekend?"

"What?"

"I mean, I know you claimed you were helping Francine yesterday, but from the amount of dishes in your sink and takeout containers, it looks more like you've been hibernating here for a while."

"Amanda." He stopped, not quite sure what he should say, because she absolutely had him on the ropes.

She turned to drape her legs over his lap and her arms around his neck. "That's what I thought. So what's up? Is there a problem?"

"No!" he said, maybe too vehemently. "No problem. I just…" He sighed and dropped his head so he didn't have to look at her. "The thing is… I was alone for a long time and I hated it. I mean, I told everyone it was so great being footloose and fancy–free , but deep down, I didn't really enjoy it. And when I met you, you kind of swept me under your wing, you know?" He chanced a look at her and she was watching him, nodding with understanding. "And we got closer, and it was great, having a really good partner, who was also my best friend. And then we got really close-." He paused and watched the corners of her mouth turn up and her eyes light up, but she still didn't say anything. "Really, really close and I finally met the boys and your mother properly and that was great and it was everything I'd hoped for, being in a family, being treated like family… And I love spending time with them, I really do, but…"

"Sometimes you just want to be alone again," she finished for him and he nodded, grateful she understood. "So why didn't you just say that?" she asked in disbelief.

"How am I supposed to say that?" he asked incredulously. "How do I say 'Hey Honey, I'd like to hide in my apartment for a few days and not talk to anyone and not shower and eat nothing but junk food and enjoy the peace and quiet' without it sounding like the old me?"

Amanda leaned forward and rested her forehead on his and took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll grant you, it would have sounded bad if you'd actually said that, so maybe we need a code for times when you feel this way."

"A code?"

"Yeah, like when Daddy used to go down to the workshop in the basement or when Mother had one of her long hot baths. It was the way they said they wanted to be alone for a while and not to disturb them. Everyone feels like that sometimes, Sweetheart – you don't need to make up a whole covert operation just to get some quiet time."

"I don't?" Lee looked relieved as Amanda shook her head. "I thought it would hurt your feelings but lately it's been a little bit overwhelming, you know? All the Christmas stuff."

"I know – and I was amazed how well you were dealing with it and looking like you were enjoying it."

"I was enjoying it! I am enjoying it!" he interrupted her. "It's just been…"

"Sweetheart, stop - I get it. Two years ago you were still pretending that you were happy to spend Christmas like this..." She waved her hand at the coffee table and went on, "And last year, you missed most of it, worrying about Bernie and then worrying about meeting the family so that was stressful and now this year, we were all so excited to include you that we've been making a huge deal about trees and shopping and decorating… Even the boys say the house looks like Santa threw up in there."

Lee couldn't hold in the belly laugh that image provoked. "Yeah, but I liked doing all those things," he said. "But then it got to be Friday and we only had a week until Christmas and this weekend was the last quiet time before that all hits…"

"And you wanted to be by yourself," repeated Amanda, smiling.

"That sounds awful, like I'm avoiding you or something. And I'm not! Not really!"

"Of course you're not," she said leaning in to kiss him. "Okay, so here's the thing – I have something to confess… I love Phillip and Jamie more than almost anything, but sometimes I don't want them around. Sometimes I just want to be completely alone in a quiet place and not have to think about anyone or anything else."

"You do?" Lee seemed doubtful, like he thought she was just trying to make him feel better.

"Of course I do! Everyone does! You know, when the boys were really little and Mother's Day would roll around and Joe would ask what I'd like as a present and I always used to say, "I'd like you to take them out somewhere so I can be completely alone in my own house," and he never got what I meant. He'd say things like "Well, how about a spa day? Or a weekend away?" and I could never get through to him that I wanted to be in my own house, in my own chair and just be alone to enjoy it. No one asking for anything, no sudden crashes of something breaking, or worse, long silences that said they were probably doing something they shouldn't. I wanted to not have anyone asking what was for dinner. And to not have to make dinner at all when all I really wanted was a peanut butter sandwich over the sink."

"You really do get it," Lee said in amazement.

""I really do," she grinned. "That's why I was going to leave earlier – because I figured you were still in hermit mode."

"No, I was really happy to see you but I thought you were probably angry with me for lying."

Amanda traced his jaw with a fingertip. "No, I wasn't angry – a little hurt maybe but I got over that when you asked me to stay."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, pulling her closer. "I'm still not good at this yet."

"It does take practice," she chuckled as her lips traced his cheek. "We need to remember not to rush you so you don't get the bends from family pressure. I mean, if anyone should be able to come up with a code phrase, it's us, right?"

"Right," he agreed, nibbling her ear gently. "Let's come up with something later. I have a better idea for what we should be doing now."

"Are you sure you don't want to be alone with your better idea? I wouldn't want to get in your way if you had big plans for the evening," she murmured as she licked the pulse point just under his collar.

"Nope, you are a very necessary component to this plan," said Lee with mock-seriousness.

"Necessary?" she teased, even as she lay back along the sofa, pulling him with her.

"Maybe not strictly necessary," he admitted, provoking a gurgle of laughter from Amanda as he began dropping kisses along her cheek. "But very welcome… and wanted… and sexy… and-"

Amanda stopped him with a finger on his lips and a look of mischief. "Lee, Sweetheart?"

"Yes?"

"Be quiet."