When I set foot on the Dark Island, everything about it felt wrong to me. It felt strange, all the way deep inside me. Misako said that was because I was a reflection of light, and had just stepped into a place of shadow. If that was true, then I wanted to leave immediately. If you've been outside in the cold before and felt those harsh shivers that go right through you, those were what I felt almost every time I took a step on that island. I felt sick to my stomach, cold to the bone and weak in a way that I hadn't felt before. I hated every minute that I spent on that beach.
That was partially because of a choice I was forced to obey while I was there: stay put. Once we landed, despite how awful I felt, I wanted to go out and stop my father. The Stone Army had wrecked Ninjago City and then vanished. I told myself at first I wanted retribution for that. I knew that was barely even a factor in my mind at the moment. The longer I waited, the longer I had time to doubt the decision I'd made to act the part of the Lloyd that everyone needed to carry out the final battle. The longer I stayed there, the longer I had to put my mind onto thoughts of the fact I was going to have to kill my father.
This was something that nobody said, but everybody seemed to understood: 'defeat' my father clearly didn't mean just beating him. He was evil, corrupted right to the core. The fact he was here, on the island, meant that I didn't have the chance to reform him. He had tried that already, and left me over it. I'd have to end it. I never said it, but it was something I had to understand. I had to be ready for it. And it only made it worse and worse every minute I had to think about it.
We spent the first few days disguising the Bounty into the beach so as not to attract the attention of the constant patrols. It was hard work, and more than once we had a close call of feeling it was the moment we would be caught. Thankfully, the beach was large and the Bounty was hidden behind a small hill to hide part of the ship. It was imperative that we remain hidden on the island, unless we wanted to prematurely start the final battle. Misako quickly grew afraid that if I was seen at all, that destiny wouldn't line up the way she claimed it had to for me to win.
While I was on the ship, it was hard to train. Everytime I did, I would end up just thinking that every move I tried, I'd use on my dad. When I'd try to stop and get rest, I'd be kept up by those same thoughts. If I went to talk to Misako or Wu, they'd both tell me that I had to be ready in whatever way I needed to be for the final battle. Even when I was out collecting supplies, I could never go very far in fear of being caught and, again, starting the final battle. Whatever I did, I couldn't stop thinking about the final battle!
I wanted to go help the ninja, but I couldn't. I wanted to train, but I couldn't. I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, but I couldn't. Not without being told what I already knew I didn't want to hear. I hated every bit of that situation, and even now, my feelings in that brief stay on the island were tangled, confused and angry. It left me stuck, stuck in a way that nothing I did to try to make myself feel better helped. I was just there, on the island, stuck.
The plan was relatively simple after we'd hidden the Bounty: the ninja needed to find the Temple of Light so they could regain their elemental powers and I could learn the fighting style of the First Spinjitzu Master: the Golden Dragon. Of course, I wanted to go immediately, partially because of how cool the powerup sounded, but mostly because I wanted to stop sitting around on the ship. Of course, I couldn't go. I was trapped again, and the ninja went off to try to get the location using a medallion that Misako had on her. (Come to think of it, my mom had most everything we needed whenever it was important.)
The ninja weren't gone for that long, a few hours at most. I was left sitting on the ship again, staring off into space and wondering where my father was hiding. I knew he was there, and according to Misako, he had teamed up with what was likely the Overlord to control the Stone Army. Those guys were strong enough that we didn't stand a chance of ever getting to beat them if they all came after us, so stealth made sense. Wu managed to get attacked looking for supplies, and even with my lightning powers and Wu's years of training and teaching, it took a lot just to imprison one man alone. He broke free after the ninja returned, so I guess either way, our presence on the island would have always gotten out.
The ninja returned and said they'd gotten spotted by all of the army. Sometimes I wonder why we bother to call ourselves ninja if we hardly ever do ninja things. I guess it's like Spinjitzu, and we use it when we remember to and just rely on simple fighting and training otherwise. In order to get to the Temple of Light, Nya revealed she and Dr. Julien had built a drilling machine in record time. I'd been so busy thinking of other things I hadn't paid attention to what they were doing. I wish I had, it would have been cool to see them making those things out of scrap metal. We all loaded up inside, and finally, I was able to go with them. As excited as I was, knowing that the entire Stone Army would be behind us was a terrifying thought.
It was even scarier when we outraced the army's vehicles just barely fast enough. Cole's driving skills did a lot that day. We arrived at the base of the mountain, and the driller wasn't goign to cut it. Kai discovered Nya had put a mech on the back of the driller, so we used that to help scale the mountain the Temple of Light stood on. Whenever I get my next mech, I want Nya to be the one to build it, since the mech I got later on barely lasted a quarter of the time Kai's mech did.
We raced our way up the mountain with the Stone Army right behind us. When we finally managed to get to the temple, Kai caused a rockslide to help buy us some time. We were under a time limit, but as soon as we got there, the Army seemed to fade away. As soon as I laid eyes on the place, I felt some strange sense of calm wash over me.
When I placed my foot inside the temple grounds, the darkness the island was crushing me with vanished. I felt free, like breathing fresh air after being underground. Just walking inside the beautifully sculpted walls was pure unfiltered bliss to me. The other ninja felt the same way just from the way they sighed as we all entered the gates. Just being there, felt right in a way that's hard to describe. It was like, everything that I'd done to this point, was going to lead me here. I never knew this place existed, but when I saw it, I realized this was where I was meant to be.
Walking inside the main room, seeing all of the adventures in our lives that had led us to that point all sculpted into the walls, almost like someone had glimpsed into our future and scrawled out what they saw, was shocking. It wasn't awe-inspiring, since I had the feeling it meant that all our adventures would always have turned out this way. It wasn't terrifying, since it meant I could be comforted knowing our decisions that led us to that point was all we needed. I just felt, stunned seeing it all. Stunned in a way that I never knew I could feel. It felt… right.
The next room is one room I will never forget. Four pillars rose up around the room, each the color of one of the ninja's gi. In the center of the room, above a large angular pattern, was a massive bell. The room felt familiar to me in a way I didn't understand. I'd never been here before, so why did I feel like I had? I realize now, it was the power of the First Spinjitzu Master flowing through me, calling out to a place he'd set up for me. He knew that one day, I would need his powers, and this, all of it was for me. I felt justified, justified in all my decisions I'd made to then. I don't know why there ever needed to be a bell, but once more, I heard the words that would, in a way, forever define the course of Ninjago's history:
"For once the Green Ninja finds the instrument of peace, he will strike it, and know the power of the Ultimate Spinjitzu Master."
The others didn't know what it meant. The second I heard those words in my head, I knew. I knew without even having to tell them it was the bell. I felt it, deep inside me, something that had been growing inside of me since the day I first started training to be the Green Ninja. Every moment, every battle, every mistake, decision, defeat, all of it came down to that one moment. In one moment, I put my foot on the path to the Ultimate Spinjitzu Master.
I struck the bell, and everything went white. My body felt weak, and slowly, I felt myself falling. I'd never felt that weak in my entire life. Not when Pythor betrayed me, when the Serpentine mocked me, when the ninja beat me in training, and when I'd first thrown myself out into the world had I ever felt that weak before. It was like all the strength that I had inside me was leeching out of me. It didn't hurt, but I wasn't able to move, talk or cry for help. That power that was inside me, I felt it light up the walls, felt it wash over each of the ninja. They each were given the powers they needed, had always needed, and were always destined to have.
The room was spinning. My body was raised up into the air and bathed in the light. It flowed in and out of me, washing over me, purifying me and readying me for what the ninja were about to give me. The Green Power was one thing, but in that moment it was changed into something more powerful. I didn't hear anything, but I felt it. I felt the sudden raw elemental energy burst into me. The strength that was gone, all of it just, rushed back into me all at once. I felt something new inside of me, some new power that I didn't know. It felt new, but it felt like it was mine. Like looking into a mirror after a complete makeover, I felt myself become something new.
Using the Golden Power, even a mere fraction of it, was one of the most intense feelings I ever had. It was so… raw, it was raw power that was coming out of me. It was flowing through my arms and out into the world. I felt like I both barely had control over it, and that feeling was exhilarating. I was wielding something that was beyond anything I thought I could ever learn through Wu's teachings. When I let that first Golden Dragon loose, every bit of my body felt like it was on fire, in a good way. Seeing the Stone Army, driven off by my hands, I felt something too as I watched the dragon fill the air around me: hope.
I passed out almost immediately after the dragon was finished. The other ninja did the same when they unlocked their True Potential. At first, I thought that was my true potential, and that meant when I woke up, I felt like I was now on my way to truly facing my father. I woke up on the Bounty, surrounded by the ninja, Wu, Misako and Dr. Julien. All of them were happy for me, happy for themselves and happy for Ninjago that I had the power I now needed to fight my father. I wasn't taking small steps on the path to the final battle, I was running down the track and getting ready to fight my way to the finish line.
Most of the time, this would be the part in the story that I would go straight to my dad and challenge him to a fight to truly decide the final battle. I was a powered up hero and I was ready to go and fight him, so it would make sense in a way to go right to him and end it. Most frustrating than ever, however, I had to stay behind on the Bounty! I wanted to go right away to fight my dad and end all of this, but I was told to stay behind again. It didn't matter that I was, to my knowledge, already at my True Potential. I had to stay behind!
I know it seems like me saying I wanted to go right to him was against me wanting to not ever fight my father. I think what made me so desperate to do that, however, was that having the power made the battle no longer some distant goal anymore. When you have an assignment due and you wait to work on it, it almost doesn't feel real until it gets down to the wire. Now that I had my powers, I was already on the wire. I couldn't put it off anymore. The longer I had to wait, the more the feelings were just, consuming me.
I wasn't allowed to practice my new powers for the same reason that Wu forbade the ninja from practicing theirs (even if they completely disobeyed him): if I used them, I could attract Garmadon's attention. Golden Power isn't exactly quiet, and now that we were known to be on the island, we were working harder than ever to keep our location secret.
Misako found something that, at the time, almost infuriated me. She found she'd overlooked something in her research that might find a way to prevent the final battle. I didn't say anything at the time, but knowing that she apparently had something that could have alleviated all of my twisted up terror and confusion from the beginning irked me a lot. If we could get the Helmet of Shadows and replace it on the Celestial Clock, which counted down to the start of the final battle, we could perhaps prevent it from ever happening. I was filled with joy to know that I could actually maybe do something to prevent it… and again, I was told to stay behind.
At that point, I was angry. I'd spent days on the island unable to do anything but sit around and think about something no kid should ever have to think about, then I was given the best feeling powerup in the history of powerups, and I had to stay on the bench again? It didn't matter that I knew why they were doing it, I hated it. It drove me insane to think I couldn't do anything to help! I wanted to do something to stop the final battle, and I was told I couldn't do it!
The ninja planned to take Misako as a prisoner to get the helmet from my dad. Given how they'd screwed up the mission to just find the Temple of Light, it wasn't that much of a shock when Nya said the falcon -that's Zane's robotic pet Dr. Julien had built for him and apparently the reason why they got caught the first time- spotted them being attacked by some giant mech my dad had built. I told Wu I had to go to help protect Nya, but again I was told no. I couldn't do anything again. I had to sit there and watch as Nya went after the ninja.
My anger finally boiled over when Nya's radio to the Bounty saying that she had the helmet and the ninja was cut off by someone attacking them. At that point, I lost it. Wu and Misako tried to stop me, but with my new power, they couldn't and wouldn't try. They'd hoped that I would stay put just out of the fact I needed to. I didn't. I ran off into the woods and used the falcon to track where Nya and the others had surfaced. That was the first time I found out I could make myself go faster by shooting green power out of my hands. I went through that forest faster than I'd ever gone in my entire life.
When I saw the mech, I didn't hesitate. I shouted for them to let my friends go, and I blasted it. That mech never stood a chance against me. Nobody stood a chance against me. The ninja ran from it as fast as they could, and I put it down even faster. I was stronger than anyone else on the island, or at least that's what it seemed like. So, when I walked up to see my father standing there, injured, badly bruised, and vulnerable, all I could go on in that moment was my anger.
My dad stumbled out of the mech, coughing, injured, and barely standing. My power was like being hit by a massive truck. The thing that the ninja had been caught by, was nothing more than scrap now. The ninja stood aside in the driller, leaving me to stand there facing my dad. In that moment, our positions were reversed. All this time, I'd always been weak. My dad had been the strong and powerful man to look up to. Now, I had the power of the actual First Spinjizu Master in my hands. I was finally where Misako said I should be. And all I could feel… was anger.
I was angry at the fact that I had to be the Green Ninja. I was angry I was held back for so long and then told at the last minute I could stop this battle. I was angry that I had to pretend to be this version of myself that I wasn't, a version willing to fight my father. I was angry I never got to ever spend any time with my dad without this stupid, stupid battle hanging over it. I was angry that at that moment I had a chance to stop everything, a chance I never wanted but I had to decide right there to take!
I heard the others goading me into it. I heard the prophecy ringing in my head. This was all it was leading to. Everything, all this time, it was always going to be this. I charged my power in my hands. I knew even a fraction of it would likely end my dad's life. All I had to do was let it go. I let that anger, all of it, just pulse through me. I let it all fill up my hands and get ready to end everything. I could stop everything right there, everything that I thought would happen, and everything that came next. All I had to do, was let the power loose.
Then my dad looked away.
Wu says there is a moment in everybody's life where you make a choice that defines who you are. Who you want to be is decided there, and no matter what, you will always remember that moment. For Wu, it was when he refused to go after the katana that caused Garmadon to be bitten. For each of the ninja, it was their True Potential. For me, it was that moment. That moment with me was when I stood with the weapon to end my dad's life loaded, aimed, and ready to fire. That moment where I was ready to be that Lloyd I was pretending to be, and fully become him. I was going to become my father's killer.
My dad couldn't face me. I was too strong for him, and he knew it. If he'd kept looking at me, as if to say he was either ready to face his death or was ready for me to do it, then I wouldn't have hesitated. When he looked away, it was him saying he wasn't ready to die. No, not that. It was that he wasn't ready to die thanks to me. His own son was about to kill him for a prophecy neither of us asked to be in, and I was going to do it out of anger. I was about to… to do something horrible.
I made a choice at that moment, and that moment was what cost Ninjago everything, even if it was for a moment. If I hadn't, the Overlord wouldn't have had a vessel to go to Ninjago. The Garmatron wouldn't have worked, I bet, and even if it had the Overlord wouldn't have grown to his original power. That moment was everything, and as I lowered my hands, feeling all that anger leave me, I was horrified at what I did. It was literally everything I could do just to run to the driller and take off for the clock.
The other ninja didn't comment on what I did. Jay tried to, but Cole stopped him. I couldn't tell if they were upset, angry, or something else. I just was spaced out. The horror of what I was about to do had set in. I wanted to cry badly, but the others wouldn't have liked that. It may have even made them lose hope. Showing I couldn't do it, I couldn't be the Lloyd willing to kill his father, it was likely damaging enough to them. I wanted to ask Misako for help, but she didn't have anything to say to me. I think that bit hurt the most.
We made it to the clock. Some part of me had put my body on autopilot, and so even as we raced to try to stop the clock, I was only doing what the others told me to. I wasn't thinking hard about it all. I was just running around, looking for the spot. Why a clock would have so many obvious perches made no sense to me. I guess it might have been to prevent what we were trying to do. It was such a confusing method for the clock to work to begin with. Why was there even a clock?
The Stone Army showed up while we were doing it, and ruined everything. We ran out of time trying to find the perch, and Kozu, the Stone Army general, taunted us. We managed to find it and even place it just as the clock stopped, but that wasn't good enough. The Horns of Destruction sounded. I should have felt horror. I barely felt anything at that moment.
The Stone Army faced us down, catching us in the middle of nowhere. We were backed onto the edge of the rock perch the clock sat on, and I guess all of out combined weight caused part of it to crack and slide down. The army managed to capture Nya in confusion, just to add insult to injury. We were sent down into the ocean around the island. Before I hit the water, I saw a beam of light fire from the clock out towards Garmadon's camp. None of us knew what that meant, but I felt it deep in me. I felt that we'd failed, and there was no longer any stopping what was about to happen.
The final battle was about to begin.
"Lloyd?" Zane leaned forward, "Lloyd, you're… you're crying."
"What?" Lloyd reached up towards his face, placing one of his hands against his cheek. When he pulled it away, it was wet with tears. Once he felt them, he then felt the hot streaks down his face. Zane was staring at him with concern in his robotic eyes.
"You began crying when you were yelling about how angry you were," Zane pointed out, "I considered stopping you, but you were already so emotional I felt it best to let you finish. Are you okay, Lloyd?"
"I…" Lloyd started to say 'I'm fine,' but as he did, he felt a lump in his throat. His voice was hoarse from yelling and not even realizing he had, and his eyes felt hot from crying. He shook his head to Zane to answer the question, looking away.
Zane sighed and slowly stood up, walking over to Lloyd and sitting beside him. He wrapped one arm around Lloyd's shoulder. As soon as he hugged him, Zane'd body began to cool, as though leaning against a gentle ice pack. The more Lloyd felt it, the more he felt himself relaxing. He leaned against the chilly ninja while trying to get his breath back. Three times he tried to speak, but found his words failed him. When he managed to talk, he muttered.
"It hurt, Zane…" Lloyd gasped out, "It hurt. Everyone told me I had to kill him. I had to. I had to defeat him. None of you were subtle about it. You wanted me to kill my dad. What was I going to do? Could you, could you even imagine doing that to, to Dr. Julien? Or, or Jay to Ed? H-How could any of you ever… ever want me to…?"
"There, there," Zane squeezed Lloyd tightly, "It was perhaps far too much to ask of someone so young. We put you on a path you weren't ready for. You've done an incredible job to get this far and be able to see all of this the way you do. You might be the strongest of all of us to get this far as put together as you have."
"I was gonna do it, Zane, I was going to…" Lloyd inhaled, "I was going to kill him. I… I could have… I could have just…"
"Lloyd, what matters is the decision you made, not what you could have done," Zane responded warmly, shifting his body to a warm setting, "You made a choice that was very hard for you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Deciding not to kill someone, even one you're told to, means you held onto your principles. No matter what happened, you are not at fault for the events. You did what you felt was right, not what any of us felt was right. I'm so sorry we ever put that burden on you."
Lloyd took a long time to just relax in Zane's arms. Zane made sure the electronic lock to the room was shut so he could allow Lloyd to relax. When Lloyd finally did sit up, he didn't immediately get up. Instead, he looked to Zane and wiped his face. Zane offered him some tissues and summoned ice in a bottle he heated up against his body to give Lloyd water to help clean his face off with.
"Thanks, Zane…" Lloyd sniffed, "I think, I think I'm okay now. I feel better. I… I had to say all of that. I know, I know that you all had big things to think about, but I needed to say it."
"I'm glad that you did," Zane patted his shoulder, "I needed to hear it. We all need to hear this. When we finish with this part of your book, I would like the entire group to hear this. Do you mind if we do that?"
"Well… I'm sure they'd buy the book anyways, so yeah, of course," Lloyd chuckled, "I'm surE Kai is going to have a lot to say."
"I'm sure they all are," Zane chuckled back, "Come, I believe we should stop for now. You've said a lot, you must be tired."
"I am, actually, thanks Zane," Lloyd stood up, "These, I'm still glad I asked you to do these with me. I really needed to do this."
"Always, Lloyd, always," Zane smiled, letting Lloyd leave a session once more.
Oh boy, this chapter was perhaps the hardest for me to write. This chapter alone has gone through almost 4 different rewrites. At first, I wanted to separate the Temple of Light from the next episode, but neither one was long enough on its own, and I didn't want to artificially lengthen either on. I didn't want to also try to add too many things that didn't happen, since that would, to me, be breaking the fact that the Dark Island arc, while short, is intense, powerful and doesn't overstay its welcome. This is perhaps the most difficult chapter I wrote, but it is indeed one of the original ideas that inspired this fic. I hope you enjoy!