A/N: America, well done! Also, who loved Mariska's Instagram in the leadup to the election! And after it, to be fair!
Date four went without a hitch. Both women were half expecting their cell phones to chime as they sat in the corner of the quiet restaurant Amanda had chosen for their evening meal. But they were left uninterrupted, able to enjoy one another's company with conversation drifting further and further away from their work as they explored their childhoods, their families, their hobbies, their dreams.
Walking Olivia back to her apartment at the end of the night, Amanda didn't ask to come up. She had always respected the taller detective's request and her pestering, while lighthearted, was, if she was honest with herself, pestering. That wasn't what she actually wanted to do. She didn't want to wear Olivia down,for her to cave to the blonde's admittedly teasing demands. She wanted Olivia to be ready to take that next step. Hell, she wanted to be ready. And halfway through their dinner, Amanda had suddenly wondered whether she was.
So outside Olivia's apartment, she'd placed a final kiss, soft and sweet, to the woman's lips before turning and walking off into the cold December night. Olivia watched her go, half surprised at how quickly the evening had ended, and half wishing she could call after Amanda and invite her up. But she didn't. She watched until the blonde reached the end of the block, at which point she looked back. They waved, briefly, to one another. And then Amanda crossed the street and Olivia entered her apartment. Date four, complete.
On Monday morning, Amanda climbed out of her squad car and swore under her breath as she realised she'd stepped in a grey, icy puddle. Shaking the frozen water from her shoe and wondering when she'd get a chance to change, she slammed the door shut and made her way over to the huddle of uniformed officers. From the looks on their faces, she could tell that the bubble of happiness in which she'd woken was about to be burst.
"Mornin'. Detective Rollins, SVU," she said, not even stopping but just flashing her badge as she spotted Olivia crouched down a few yards into an alleyway.
As she approached, Olivia stood up, turning with a grimace on her face. "Morning," she offered, tone clipped.
"Bad one?"
"A kid."
There was no need to say anything more. The children always hurt the most. Amanda took a deep breath, feeling the chill of the crisp morning air searing her lungs, and stepped past the senior detective to bend down beside their victim. Behind her, Olivia was calling Finn, telling him she wanted footage from every traffic camera within a ten block radius. "No, scratch that. Make it fifteen. I want this sonofabitch."
Standing up, Amanda turned around and stuffed her hands deep into her pockets. "We'll get him," she offered, her gut clenched. "Who found the body?"
Olivia pointed to an elderly woman who was sitting in a squad car, sipping a coffee and being comforted by a young uniform. She was clearly, understandably, traumatised by what she had witnessed.
"Fuck. What a way to start your week," Amanda grimaced. "Do you wanna speak with her or shall I?"
"You talk to her. I've got to make sure the crime scene techs sweep right down to the end. There's a gate back there. Could be a way in or out. Don't want to miss anything on this one."
Amanda nodded and made to walk past Olivia but as she did so, a hand landed gently on her forearm. "We'll get him," Olivia echoed. "Let me know when you're ready to head back to the station."
One day bled into two. Two into three. The leads trickled in, throngs of reporters clamoured for every new development. Kids always made the front page. People were drawn to the dark, sick acts which sent shockwaves through their communities. The morning of day four, Amanda stood in the breakroom, stirring her coffee and staring at the wall.
"Rollins, you ok?"
She turned to force a smile for her partner. Finn set about making his own drink as Amanda took a seat in one of the dilapidated chairs, sipping the coffee and letting out a sigh. "People are just scum sometimes, aren't they?"
"Yep," Finn nodded. "But we'll catch 'em. Make sure they can't hurt anyone else."
"How can you be so sure?" Amanda asked.
"Cos that's what we do here. And we're the best. Plus, there ain't no way Liv'll rest until she sees justice for that kid. You've gotta know that about her at least by now."
Along with so much more the detective wasn't yet going to admit to her new partner, Amanda mused. Although …
"You've worked with Benson a long time, right?"
"Twelve years," Finn nodded, picking up his coffee and joining the blonde for a brief break. "Why?"
"Just wondering," Amanda replied. She realised that aside from Alex, Finn probably knew Olivia better than anyone. And the niggling worries which had entered her mind recently were not ones she was willing to share with Alex; Olivia's best friend. The conversation would be immediately relayed, she was sure. But Finn was perhaps another matter. "So, does Liv, I dunno, date much?"
The experienced detective's brow furrowed briefly. "Um, I mean, she doesn't exactly talk about that part of her life much but she's turned up at more than a few crime scenes dressed up to the nines. You know what this job is like. Having a social life is all but impossible. We've all had dates cut short for work. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, just wondering. And these dates, are they with men or women, usually?"
"You know she's bisexual?"
Amanda nodded. "It came up when I told her I was gay."
Finn didn't miss a beat. Why should he? "Well, it's not like she brings the guy or girl to the crime scene when their date is interrupted. News flash, Rollins, our line of work isn't a turn on for most people and if it is, run as fast as you can."
Despite the heavy mood in the precinct, Amanda laughed. "Yeah, I got that. Thanks for the heads up though."
"Anyway, far as I'm concerned, who Liv dates isn't any of my business."
Amanda blushed at once. "No, I know. God, I'm not nosing or anything." Finn looked thoroughly unconvinced by that statement. "I was just wondering if she tended to date more men or more women."
Finn took another swig of coffee. "Does it matter? Bi is bi, Amanda. I might not have any first hand experience of this but from what I understand, it doesn't matter if you've only had relationships with one gender, if you consider yourself bisexual, that's it, right? A bisexual woman doesn't become straight when she marries a man."
"No, you're right, I know that. Sorry, forget I said anything. And, like, don't tell Benson I was asking, ok?"
Immediately regretting her decision to ask Finn anything, Amanda got to her feet and made her way from the room. Finn watched her go, smirking. He wondered how long the two women were planning to keep their romance a secret and how they thought they were successfully hiding it from a squad full of highly trained cops. But he wasn't one to push and he wasn't one to get involved in his colleagues' personal lives, even if they insisted on getting involved in one another's. He'd wait. They'd tell him when they were ready.
Sitting at her desk, Amanda scolded herself for broaching the subject. She had made a fool of herself. And she'd also given into that niggling fear in the back of her mind which had surfaced halfway through their fourth date on Sunday night. Olivia had mentioned a boy she had been engaged to as a teenager. And then she'd mentioned a lawyer she'd foolishly dated. A male lawyer. Then there was a rookie she'd dated a few years after joining SVU. Also a guy.
Something had fired a warning signal in Amanda's head as the woman recounted some of her past relationships that night. Aside from making a mental note that this was a terrible topic for a date, Amanda couldn't fail to notice the gender of all of Olivia's former partners. Male.
But Finn was right. She was being foolish. Biseuxality didn't need to be validated. It wasn't as if you had to have sex with a specific gender to claim your sexuality label. She knew that. Logically, she knew that. Logically, she recognised that the woman was attracted to her. The problem was, logic often went out of the window when it came to Olivia Benson. The woman melted her brain. And that melted brain was just a little bit nervous all of a sudden. After weeks of build up, the reality of what their fifth date might mean loomed large.
It wasn't just that she was unsure, illogical though it seemed, about whether Olivia was attracted to her. She was nervous because of her own emotions too. This time spent with Olivia, their dates, their lazy mornings together, were adding up to one thing. Amanda was coming to terms with the fact that she wanted this relationship to succeed. Beyond that, she wanted this relationship to thrive. She was starting to imagine her future with Olivia, beyond date five. Beyond date ten, twenty, two hundred. And that scared the crap out of her.
Two days later, the case was finally closed. But not before another victim was found, their small body providing the evidence needed to identify the person responsible. Amanda wasn't afraid to say she closed the handcuffs a little tighter than necessary around the man's wrists; a pathetic way to inflict just a modicum of pain on the scumbag who had destroyed two families and taken two young lives.
Paperwork filed, she wandered over to Olivia's desk where the woman was finishing up her own report.
"Hey. You ready to get out of here?" the older woman asked, looking up when the blonde perched on the edge of her desk.
"Together?"
Olivia hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, isn't that why you're over here. We've got the night off so date five, right?"
"Oh, um, actually, I'm not really feeling up for a date, to be honest."
A despondent, exhausted air settled over the two of them at those words. "No, me neither. I guess I'll see you on Tuesday?" After working six days straight, the squad were now being given two days off.
While Amanda wasn't feeling any way inclined to go on a date, the sudden prospect of not seeing Olivia for two whole days felt unbearable. "I mean, maybe we can just hang out this evening? Not like a date, but I think I could use the company."
A mixture of relief and curiosity flooded through Olivia's body. Relief because she too wasn't exactly up for a romantic evening after the brutality and cruelty they had witnessed that week. And curiosity because for the first time since they had started dating, Amanda didn't seem to be pushing her towards date five. Come to that, she hadn't pushed on Sunday night either. Did that mean the woman had changed her mind?
"Company sounds great. Do you need to walk Frannie or do you want to come to mine?"
"I think I need a furry friend tonight," Amanda replied. "Dogs are simple. And fundamentally good. Frannie reminds me of that when the rest of the world feels like it's full of darkness."
The sobre tone of Amanda's voice reminded Olivia that the woman hadn't been working in SVU nearly as long as she had. Not that Olivia was numbed to the villainy she saw but after fifteen years, the depravity no longer shocked her. Maybe that was a bad thing. But perhaps it also allowed her to focus on the case, rather than getting lost in the tragedy of the victims. Or at least her focus was on justice for those victims, first and foremost.
"Let's go to yours. I'll be finished in about five minutes. Are you ok to wait or do you want me to meet you there?"
"I'll wait," Amanda replied, pulling a stick of gum out of her coat pocket and popping it into her mouth.
Ten minutes later, the two of them walked out of the precinct into the wintery dusk, the day's weak sunshine leaving the sky powder blue and tinged with pink as the day's light began to fade. Amanda stopped for a moment, tilted her head back and closed her eyes, feeling the fresh air on her face. Olivia paused too, understanding that Amanda needed to take some time to remind herself of the outside world. The interior of their squadroom sometimes got too dark, all-consuming. But beyond those walls, there was light, goodness, happiness.
"Ok. Let's go," Amanda replied, smiling at Olivia as the two of them fell into step towards her apartment. As they crossed the road and moved out of sight of the building where they worked, Olivia slipped her hand into Amanda's. The blonde's fingers threaded through her own, squeezing tightly, an anchor to hope and possibility.
A/N: Also, I don't want to take full credit for this weekend's news but if you've read Political Passions, my SwanQueen fanfiction, I think you can see I clearly preempted the need for a woman in power in the US. Ok, I may have got the exact job title wrong but still … foreshadowing or what?! Congratulations to Kamala Harris - so excited about this woman's future and the future of America. P.S. I'm British.