I was sitting up on my bed, Jackie dead to the world as I looked straight ahead at my dresser in deep thought. set upon the top, I could see my all-state football trophy. It was covered in a thick layer of dust I could see even through the dark. I remember the night I got it, as I smiled to myself. We won by a landslide, but it wasn't the game itself that was so special, it was Dad's reaction. When I came from the locker room, trophy in hand, he gave me the biggest hug I'd ever received.
"That's my boy!" he yelled, as he pulled away. our team's parent's looking over with a smile, the other team's with disdain. "that's my son!" he said again.
"Dad knock it off." I laughed; I remember how red my face was. As we walked back to the car, Soda was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. I know he was bored throughout the game, but the fact we won gave him the adrenaline. Ponyboy looked like he didn't want to be there at all, but when he saw me walk to the car with Dad, there was pride in his eyes.
"Darry you did so well." I remember mom saying, pulling me in for yet another tight hug. I remember she kissed my cheek, specifically because Soda and Pony burst out laughing from the lipstick mark left by her lips.
"It was a team effort y'all." I grinned, trying to remain humble, but I know they wouldn't have been able to pull it off without me, maybe Paul too.
"Darry!" I remember Paul yelled. "you coming to Muskogee's for the after party?" I remember looking back at my family, it was tradition to go get chocolate milkshakes after winning games.
"Go honey." mom said gently.
"Y'all sure?" I asked.
"Son if you don't, I'll go for you." I remember dad grinned; the same type of grin Soda had. He probably could have gone as me too, we looked so similar. With that, I remember leaving with Paul, my parents and brother's going their separate ways.
I never talked to Paul again after high school, I never even went to college. But my parents always stayed so proud, so loving. Mom would brag how strong and mature I was, helping them pay the bills and get my brother's nicer things. Dad would look at me and tear up, he would always try to deny my money but ultimately would accept it. every time he would say,
"I'm going to get you to college, son. I'll work for it to happen until the day I die." If only he knew how little time he had. If only I knew how precious each day was. Maybe I wouldn't have been so busy, going out just to be out of the house after roofing, before I had to pick up a second job. I should've stayed home, learned mom's recipes and how she always got her food to taste so damn good, went fishing with Dad and Ponyboy more. I kept staring ahead, teary eyed at that stupid dust covered trophy. What I wouldn't give to play another high school football game, not for the game itself, only to go celebrate with them afterwards. I suddenly felt very alone, my heart aching. At night, it's harder to keep strong when there's nobody to witness your grief. I let the tear escape my eye, roll down my cheek where a million of my mother's kisses use to be before being wiped away in embarrassment. My father's proud voice, "This is my son! This is my boy!" ringing in my ears so loud that the room didn't seem so silent anymore. But with all the noise there was still emptiness, the room felt like it was collapsing around me.
"Goodbye boys be good; we won't be out too late" I don't remember saying goodbye.
"Are you Darrel Curtis?" Yes. Yes, I was.
"It is with our deepest condolences..." I didn't want to hear what they had to say.
"We need you to identify the bodies." This wasn't happening.
"Would you like a maple or mahogany casket?" I couldn't afford either.
"Are you sure you want custody?" Don't ever fucking ask again.
"Darry?" a voice said, snapping me out of my own head, diverting my attention from the trophy to Jackie, who was now sitting up and staring at me in concern. I could feel my cheeks raw, my breathing stuttered, I hadn't even realized I'd been crying. "What's going on?" she asked. I close my eyes and shake my head, swallowing the lump in my throat before I could speak.
"I just really wish I had gotten a chocolate shake."