Chapter 7
After Damon left Tony and McGee's apartment, he headed back to the house, unsure of what he would find.
Ziva's car was in the driveway, and as Damon entered the side door, he heard quiet conversation from the living room. He carefully closed the door and bent down to scratch a sleepy Jethro on the head. The German shepherd gave a doggy sigh and settled back on the tile floor. Damon couldn't blame him in this heat.
He toed off his shoes and padded in socked feet toward the living room. Ziva and Sarah were sitting on the couch, facing each other. Sarah couldn't see him, but if he moved closer and Ziva looked up, she would. He stayed back in the shadows cast by the early evening sun.
"They raped you," Sarah said. "That's where the scars are from?"
Ziva nodded. "From that, and the way they beat me," she said. "But, that is not all." She hesitated, and Damon wished he could send her strength to say this again, even if he knew that would not help her. "Not all my scars are on the outside," she said. "When they raped me, they did not care what happened to me. They did not care what they were doing to me. They did not care what they put in my body." She stopped, and for a minute, Damon didn't hear anything.
"Ziva?" Sarah finally asked.
"I am sorry," Ziva said. "It is hard for me to say this, but I must." She looked up, and if Damon wasn't back in the shadows, she definitely would have seen him. "Sarah, I, too, know what it is like to be carrying a child you did not want. Only mine…" She took a deep breath and even at a distance, Damon could see tears shimmering in her eyes. "Mine did not survive. Once they could tell what they had done, they beat me until there was no life left in me."
Sarah gasped, and Damon wished he could see her face.
"I knew what was wrong with you because I recognized it from my own experience," Ziva said. "But what you are going through now, I will never experience. The damage they did, it was not something the doctors could fix." She wrapped her arms around herself. "It has been … difficult for me, seeing you go through this. I know it is not easy for you, but it also is a reminder for me of what I lost in the desert, a reminder I have not been handling well."
"What am I supposed to say to that?" Sarah asked. "Do you want me to move out? Living together was your idea."
"No!" Ziva said. "No, this is not your fault." She stood and started pacing. "I don't know what I need to do, but whatever it is, it is something I need to do. I only told you so you would know why." She shook her head. "You, possibly Abby before too long. This is not something I can avoid. I just need to figure out how to see you as you, not as a reminder of what can no longer be." She turned to look at Sarah. "All I ask is that you be patient as I figure this out."
"Tim would be the first one to tell you I'm the least patient person he knows — and he's married to Tony," Sarah said. "But you do what you need to and don't worry about me."
"Thank you." Ziva turned toward the doorway, and Damon stepped back toward his bedroom so she could choose to avoid him, too.
She didn't, though. "You heard?" she asked.
"I shouldn't have—"
"No, I am not mad," Ziva said.
"How are you doing?"
She tipped her head toward his room, and he motioned for her to go ahead, then followed. Once he was inside, she shut the door.
"I saw somebody today," she said, leaning against the wall. "It was hard, but it was, I believe, a good thing."
"I stopped by Tony and McGee's on the way home," Damon said.
"You told them?"
"McGee said—"
"Yes, I did." The corners of Ziva's mouth tipped up briefly in a smile. "Thank you. They needed to know, others needed to know, and I could not… Not yet."
"I said this yesterday, but Tony and McGee also brought it up. If we need to switch around who lives where again, we can. They figured it out so they both would be able to be legal parents even here in Maryland."
Ziva was silent for a minute. "No." She looked at him. "When the baby comes, yes, I think it would be best so they can be here with Sarah. But for now, I do not wish to change yet one more thing because of what those men did."
She stood there, looking at him, and he could see her lower lip tremble, just a bit. "Can I hug you?" he asked.
She nodded, just slightly, and he stepped closer and pulled her in, one hand cradling the back of her head. "You've got this," he said in her ear. "Whatever you need, everybody's here for you — especially me — but you're going to get through this."
~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~
Sarah sat at the kitchen table, exhausted. She should go to bed — she was opening tomorrow — but she didn't know if she could sleep. She rubbed one hand over her belly, then jerked it away when she realized what she was doing. Ziva's words echoed in her head: It also is a reminder for me of what I lost in the desert. She tried to imagine what Ziva must think, and failed. Sure, she had no interest in children of her own — and that might be something to figure out where Good Josh stood on that before she even thought about his interest in something more than friendship — but at least she had a choice.
Even with this one, even after she offered the baby to Tim and Tony, they told her it was her decision if she changed her mind and wanted an abortion. She hadn't wanted that at all, but how much worse would it be to want a child and not be able to have one? And worse yet, listen to your friend complain about the evil bastard who knocked her up.
Sarah decided no matter what Ziva said, she needed to be careful around her. The former Mossad officer had always seemed indestructible to her, but not today. Today, as she'd told Sarah the secret she'd been carrying around, Ziva had seemed too close to one of the old, faded paper dolls her grandmother kept around from when her mother was a child. Worn and flaking at the edges, something that needed to be handled gently so it wouldn't fall apart.
"Still awake?" Damon's voice from behind startled her into banging her knee on the table.
"I want to sleep," Sarah said, rubbing her knee. "I just don't know if I can."
He sat down across from her. "Because of Ziva."
Sarah nodded. "Did you know?"
"Not until yesterday," he said. "I knew something was wrong, but she didn't want to talk."
"She said she doesn't want me to move out, but-"
He cut her off. "She knows. Your brother and Tony offered to switch things around too, and she doesn't want that, either."
Sarah nodded, her hand drifting down to rub her belly again. "I feel like all this one has done is cause problems," she said.
"She didn't cause any of this," Damon said. "Look, I'm not going to explain why — and you wouldn't want to know — but it was a case that set this off. Something would have at some point, and I think we've all been waiting for it. At least now, Ziva hopefully will be at peace before the baby wonders why Auntie Ziva doesn't come by."
"I hope so," Sarah said. "Mom, Abby and I are outnumbered enough even with Ziva."
"You just focus on getting through the next few months," Damon said. "If Ziva needs something, she'll tell us."
"You're sure?"
Damon nodded. "She's determined to get through this. Believe me when I say that it makes a difference."
"Thanks," Sarah said. "I guess I'd better get to bed. I'm opening tomorrow, and Saturday mornings are crazy-enough shifts without sleep-walking through them."
She headed upstairs, surprised there was no light shining under Ziva's door. It wasn't quite dark out yet, but the sun was low enough in the sky to leave everything shadowed in murk.
Sarah crawled into bed, shifting around to find a comfortable sleeping position, or as comfortable as one got these days. She'd thought Ziva's words would keep her awake, but her future niece had her so exhausted that she was asleep within minutes.
~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~
As the morning light started to filter into the basement, Gibbs rubbed the final rough spots off the end of the crib he'd been building for the McBaby. He rolled his eyes at the name, but even he'd taken to using the team shorthand for his future honorary granddaughter.
At that, his thoughts turned to another little girl, one he hadn't seen in far too long. Amira, who was now almost four years old, her curly hair no doubt almost to her waist. He hadn't been down to visit them for almost six months. His eyes drifted to the letter on his workbench. He'd read it a dozen times since it arrived yesterday, but his brain still didn't want to process them.
Docs say it's cancer. Lungs, maybe. Spread so far now they can't tell where the hell it started, but they tell me I ain't got long. I could fight it, but hell, I ain't about to spend my last days wasting away in some hospital instead of on my beach with my girls.
He should go down and see Mike, or invite him up here to visit while he was still able. The team had weekend duty next weekend, though. And with Wilson subbing in for Ziva… No. Better to wait until after their weekend. Maybe actually use the comp days for the weekend to go down so nobody would know. If Mike didn't want Layla and Amira knowing, he probably wouldn't want the team to know. Definitely not Vance.
~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~
Tony fumbled for his phone to turn off the alarm as rosy light cast shadows across their bedroom. "I really said I wanted to go running this early?" he asked as he sat up.
"You really did," Tim replied as he pulled shorts from the dresser and tossed a pair over. "Last weekend you complained it was too hot when we waited until later."
"Oh, right, I did." Tony scrubbed a hand across his face. "At least it's better than the treadmill." He swung his legs over the side of the bed as he sat up. "Five miles today?"
"Your call," Tim said as he pulled on a shirt. "I'll do whatever you want."
Tony smirked and waited one beat, two.
Tim looked over his shoulder. "Whatever you want to run — and that you think your lungs can handle," he clarified.
"So going out clubbing in those red leather pants you keep joking about getting is off the table?" At the McEyeroll, Tony ducked into the head for his morning inhaler dose.
Fifteen minutes later, the two men headed out into the humid August morning, sun still low in the sky, fluffy clouds tipped with purple and pink above them. They had found some regular routes in the neighborhood since moving, but this was one of the longest runs outside Tony had done since then. The hard plastic of his rescue inhaler bounced in the small pocket on his hip, but he'd learned to tune it out once he got moving. Nope, this was just a normal run with his husband.
They were getting to a point where they needed to circle back when Tony had a thought. "Sarah's coffee shop will be open in a few minutes. We could finish up there, get some iced coffee and breakfast, then walk home."
"And check and see if Ziva told her?" Tim said.
"You don't want to see your little sister?" Tony asked, his tone carefully innocent.
"She's your little sister now, too," Tim replied. "But you're right. Evil Josh could be back in town already, and he'd know to look for her there."
"At least we know he won't be up this early," Tony said.
When they got to the coffee shop, a few customers were already seated at the outdoor tables. They walked inside, which was almost empty. "Let's stay inside," Tony said, his voice quiet. "Easier to keep an eye on things."
Tim nodded. "You want your usual?" he asked.
"And one of their frittata slices," Tony said. "I'll grab us a table." He scanned the familiar layout of the coffeeshop, which had been rearranged for the summer to move some tables outside. He settled on a table where they could see people approaching from outside without the sun's glare blinding them, plus the pick-up area inside. They couldn't see the cash registers and ordering line, but since they could see people approaching, one of them could always go get more napkins.
He settled down, enjoying the cool AC after the thick air outside, and waited for Tim.
~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~NCIS~
Sarah heard familiar voices and looked up to see Tim and Tony walking in, soaked with sweat from a run. Runners were most of the crowd this early on a weekend morning, so she wasn't all that surprised. They did live nearby, in the apartment she and Ziva had lived in. Would that change now? She shook off the thought and focused on making drinks. She saw her brother and brother-in-law split up, and the way Tony scanned the store made her wonder if they thought there was a threat or if it was just habit. Ziva did the same thing, and sometimes Damon.
She knew immediately which order was theirs when it came up — Tony loved his hazelnut lattes, even iced. She wrinkled her nose. Flavored coffees were nice, but hazelnut? Not so much.
"Is that the face you should make when you see your favorite brother?" Tim asked, his tone light.
"How do you know Tony's not my favorite?" she asked.
"Ouch."
Sarah grinned. "Go on, sit down. It's quiet this morning — I'll bring your coffee and food over when it's ready."
"Thanks."
She dropped their drinks off first, then went back for the food, thinking all the while. It clicked as she picked up the plate with Tim's ham, egg and cheese sandwich, and she rolled her eyes.
She walked over and set down their plates. "So, did you guys decide to start Evil Josh Watch early in case he hasn't moved on to tormenting somebody else over the summer?"
They exchanged looks, and Sarah had to fight not to laugh.
"You remembered he was coming back?" Tim said.
"My pregnancy brain isn't that bad yet," Sarah said. "Yes, I remember that Waverley's semester starts the same week as Georgetown Law, and I know Evil Josh's internship was supposed to end this week."
"And you're not worried?" Tony asked.
"I'm sure he found some other bimbo in the Hamptons who will buy his lies," Sarah said. "I'd feel bad for her, but I'm sure his inability to keep it in his pants will get him in enough trouble on his own."
"We're not here on Josh Watch," Tim said. "Something Damon said reminded us he was coming back, and I was going to mention it, just in case, so you wouldn't be surprised if he shows up."
"Somehow, I don't think I'd be the one surprised," Sarah said, rubbing one hand over her belly. "And if he asks, once I tell him how I agreed to be a surrogate for you so the baby could be Tony's and still have what he calls McDNA-"
"Oooh, good one," Tony said.
Sarah sketched a quick curtsy. "Coming from the king of McNames, thank you," she said. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure that's about the point he decides he doesn't know me and runs away."
"Especially once he realizes he's competing with a law student who plans to go into Naval intelligence?" Tim asked, raising one eyebrow.
"I'm not getting involved with anybody until I stop looking like a beached whale," Sarah said. "Josh knows that. Cooper, not Evil Josh."
"You've talked about it?" Tony said.
"Not everybody's allergic to talking," Tim said.
Sarah snickered. "It came up before he knew I was your sister, when he realized I was pregnant and started to apologize for flirting with somebody who was taken." She smiled at the memory. "Once he found out about his evil twin, we talked a little more, and decided we'd revisit in the spring, assuming we're both still interested."
She looked around. "I've got to get back to work." Once behind the counter, she lost herself for a few minutes making drinks. The next time she had a chance to look up, the coffeeshop was more crowded, and a familiar face was walking in the front door.
Sarah looked over, and her brothers were still there. "Oh, this ought to be good," she said under her breath.