This new chapter has been brought to you thanks to the sweet Willa, who motivated me into getting this finished; and thanks are due to Sage Thrasher for beta-ing this.

It follows the precedent chapter in the Alternate Universe. For those wanting some Kisame interactions, here we go!

Experience had taught me to always arrive in front of paranoid shinobi, even when it forced me to circle around them. It canceled the dramatic effect of surprise, but it avoided unfortunate encounters with sharp blades.

Kisame's blade, in particular, was not a favorite of mine. Stupid chakra stealer.

I landed on a branch high enough to be out of reach of Samehada and waved a wing to greet Kisame. He was sitting near a river, on guard duty while Itachi slept against a tree. I suppose they had just gotten into a fight because it was still early in the evening and Kisame looked a little sluggish, but there was no blood or other sign of confrontation. So, a relatively easy fight for them.

"Ah. It's you," Kisame grunted, before focusing on the water.

"What's that tone supposed to mean?" I grumbled.

"I can't differentiate between you crows, but you're the only one to do those silly wing moves."

"Excuse you, Shark Man. It's not silly! I'm being polite. Do you know what it means, politeness?" I huffed, shaking my body in indignation.

"Is that when I roast you for dinner to make you shut up?"

"There is something really wrong with you, Shark Man. In fact, there are a lot of things wrong with you, starting with your diet. So much meat isn't good for you. You need vegetables. Now, I know what you're going to say: vegetables are icky, blah blah blah, but you know, frying vegetables make them all much more palatable and—"

"Tsukiyo."

I glanced at the sleeping beauty awakening. "Ah, Itachi-kun. Did Kisame wake you up? Sorry about that, he can be so loud…"

"Wha—? You little shit! You're the one always chattering!"

"Such slander. I'm shocked, I'm hurt, I'm outraged," I said, folding a wing over my chest.

"Tsukiyo, enough," Itachi sighed, raising a graceful hand.

I dropped from my perch and landed on his forearm without missing a beat. "Did you eat your vegetables? Don't let Shark Man influence you and give you bad habits. You're still a growing boy and—" I shut up at the short spike of killing intent Itachi aimed my way.

A slight wince indicated Itachi's regret for losing his temper. He never lost his temper, especially with me (or should I say 'even with me'?).

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Itachi replied. "Report."

I ignored him. "You're lying. You can't lie to me Itachi-kun. That's fruitless. I can annoy you all night long. I won't be the first one to yield."

"He's sick." Kisame had stood up and come nearer but stayed a respectable distance away. "He refuses to admit it, but he's sick. You're his bossy summon, aren't you? Deal with it. I'm going to hunt for dinner." He stepped into the forest.

I shouted after him: "Bring back fruits and vegetables! Sick people need vitamins! Berries, Shark Man! Find berries!"

The curses sent my way weren't worth repeating. What a potty mouth.

I turned back toward Trouble Twin and sighed. "That won't do, Itachi-kun. You need to take better care of yourself."

"I was sleeping until you arrived," Itachi replied dryly (That's my boy! Snark could cure anything).

"On the ground? In this humid and cold weather? Yes, Itachi-kun, such great conditions. Hotel worthy, really. Three stars... out of a thousand ones," I replied just as dryly. "Now, what are your symptoms?"

As Itachi made a list, my heart sank. I had no doubt that this was the start of his famous illness. Pressed by more urgent matters, I had forgotten this would be an issue.

I wouldn't let this happen. One way or another, I wasn't going to let it become terminal. Crap, that probably meant I would have to deal with Tsunade and her bad temper... but who was I kidding? I would do anything for that kid. I was in so deep.

I sighed and jumped on the ground. A few seconds later, I was in human shape and kneeling beside Itachi. "Come here," I whispered. "You need to stay warm."

"That's not necessary, Tsukiyo."

"Would you stop fighting me?" I grumbled as I pulled him into my arms. "You don't need to pretend you're an evil unemotional asshole with me, you know that."

"But Kisame…"

"... will get in line, because sick or not you can still kick his ass with your little finger. And he likes you."

"... Does he?"

"He's a big softie… like… really really deep inside."

When Kisame the softie came back half an hour later, he froze as he noticed me (human-me) cuddling with his partner. "What the hell—"

"Did you get berries?" I interrupted him.

"You…?! How?! How did you become so hot?"

"Now is not the time for flirting, Blue. Berries please." I raised a hand and an eyebrow expectantly.

He stayed motionless for a moment before starting to chuckle. "Oh, I like you."

"I know, I know, breasts do wonders for the disposition of men, but let's stay focused."

Still chuckling, he came forward and crouched beside us. At my expectant face, he raised a square of fabric which he unfolded, showing a decent harvest of raspberries and blackberries.

I rewarded him with a smile. "Now, that's what I'm talking about."

oOo

I was very self-aware, so I had no qualm saying I was being an idiot when I tried to compete with Kakashi in a silent game. He was like… the Mute Scarecrow of Sarcasm while I was the Chatty Ball of Sarcasm. Silence? Totally not my forte! Just a waste of time, really.

Giving up on that silly concept, I leaned forward on my perch — Kakashi's lap, very warm, a little too firm for comfort — and pushed Kakashi's book away. When he didn't look away from it nonetheless, I ended up laying flat on his chest (should I specify I was in human form?), propping up my head with my hand. "I need a favor," I admitted after a minute of just showing up and invading his personal space.

He was lying on the grass in one of his favorite reading spots (yes, I was a stalker and I knew most of them), under a tree between the Memorial Stone and the river. With an arm under his head as a pillow, slightly propped up against the trunk, he looked so comfortable that I had invited myself without a greeting. He hadn't even blinked when I settled on his lap, so he had definitely been aware of my presence since I had changed in human shape in the tree.

He hummed questioningly.

"I need to convince the Hokage to tell me where Senju Tsunade is and how to bribe her so she can help Itachi."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow but didn't react otherwise. "I fail to see how that includes me."

"I need you to help me convince the Hokage. He'll listen to you, whereas I'm just the chatty and brash summon."

"And why should I help you?"

"Because Itachi is dying. Chronic illness, deadly in five to ten years. I know you have reservations about the kid, but Sage helps me, Kakashi, I'm not losing him, not this one, not again, so just tell me what you want! I'd do anything…"

"Ok." He met my eyes for the first time, serious and calm.

I slumped in relief at his acceptance and nestled my face against his neck.

After a second of hesitation, he gently patted the back of my head. "Now, now, why do you make it sound like I'm heartless, Tsukiyo-chan?" he teased, probably to cheer me up.

"Because you like to annoy me," I grumbled.

"Because you make it funny," he pointed out before kissing my cheek with his masked lips.

"I'm not funny," I protested, tilting my head to follow his lips for a proper kiss.

"You are hilarious, actually," he replied before pulling on his mask and giving me that kiss. It was soft and slow. It felt like a 'welcome back' and an 'I missed you' all in one. A light bite on my bottom lip at the end added an 'even if you drive me crazy' to the message.

Distracted, I needed a few seconds to remember where we were in the conversation and asked: "More than the green menace you call a friend?"

"You're in completely different categories." He straightened in a sitting position, causing me to fall back on his lap. His eyebrow tilted in a more serious expression. "Now, what's this chronic illness you were talking about?"

I huffed. "Do I look like a specialist in human biology?"

He caught my chin between his fingers and caressed my cheek with his thumb. "What are his symptoms?"

I listed them and tried to hide my worry, but he was solemn when I finished. He continued caressing my cheek and looking at me, so much so that I became self-conscious. "What?" I mumbled with an annoyed pout. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Maa," he breathed before eye-smiling. "Just thinking that Itachi is lucky to have you, that's all."

I raised my chin proudly. "Obviously. I'm a gift to humanity."

He leaned forward, his lips brushing mine as he murmured "I agree" before kissing me. This kiss was longer, more intense, like a conquest and a declaration. There was an intent behind this that I couldn't fathom. For once, I went along, submitting. I was left a little flustered when he withdrew and adjusted his mask once again. I pushed a few strands behind my ears and blinked owlishly.

"Shall we go meet the Hokage?" he asked, suddenly chipper and nonchalant.

Why did I have a special fondness for the most annoying humans? Just… why did I do this to myself?

Fifteen minutes later, as we were waiting to see the Sandaime, I was staring at the ceiling and still asking myself this question. I was perfectly fine before all this summoning crap, just eating, flying and not caring about humans' problems and rules.

"Tsukiyo-chan."

I hummed questioningly at Kakashi's call.

"You're bothering the assistants."

I glanced toward the secretaries' desk who pointedly looked down to avoid my eyes. I didn't see what the problem was. So what if I was pacing in the waiting room, waving my arms around and making my kimono's sleeves flap? They clearly never had to deal with a giant tree full of cawing crows.

"I don't like doing nothing," I replied, spinning around (those long sleeves were fun to play with, I was so smart to have chosen to dress like this!). "If I had something to eat, I would sit down. Nothing to eat: nothing to do, so I'm bored."

Immediately, snacks were thrown my way from three different directions. I grabbed Kakashi's trail mix, the assistants' chocolates and the bodyguards' ration out of the air before cradling them in my arms with a grin. Wow, I'd have never thought it was so easy to get free food from humans! "Thanks!" I went to sit beside Kakashi with small careful steps (the skirt restrained movement though, that was annoying) and unwrapped the chocolate eagerly. "Ooh, I haven't had chocolate in ages. Is it good? I don't remember which I prefer." I chewed slowly, savoring the taste before wincing. "Urgh. That's bitter."

Kakashi raised an open palm without looking away from his book. I handed over the rest of chocolate and pounced on the trail mix.

We sat for a few more minutes, eating slowly (hidden by his book in Kakashi's case) and silently. I was tapping my feet against the ground noiselessly because people giving me food had earned a minimum of consideration.

When finally the door opened, letting the Jounin Commander out, I jumped on my feet and pattered toward the Hokage's office. Kakashi caught me before I could make it and grasped me by the waist, pulling me against him in a smooth move.

"No. Bad," he chided me.

I pouted. Humans were so complicated.

Shikaku had stopped when he caught sight of me. He glanced at Kakashi, then me again, and shook his head before walking away. "I don't want to know."

"Did Inoichi-san improve the psychology research projects?" I shouted at his back.

Kakashi pushed me toward the door (he should make up his mind). "Now, Tsukiyo-chan, let's not bother the Jounin Commander…"

"Bother? I'm doing this for the good of your damn village and you crazy shinobi," I protested, crossing my arms in annoyance as I stepped into the office. "You need psychotherapy and mandatory pedagogy lessons for jounin-sensei, fast."

"Do we? Is this the subject of our meeting?" the Sandaime asked, lifting his pipe to his lips.

"No, but I'm willing to rant about it for hours if you give me a captive audience. Like, if you're annoyed with your specialists in psychology — and you should be, because their work is subpar — send them to me, I'll set them straight," I offered with passionate hand gestures.

The Hokage chuckled. "Duly noted. Now, what can I do for you, Tsukiyo-chan? Your debriefing isn't due for another month."

I was going to answer when Kakashi stepped forward after closing the door, clearing his throat pointedly. I gestured for him to speak since this was the plan.

His explanation of Itachi's situation and the need for Tsunade's intervention was perfectly professional. I had to press my hands together and curl my toes to not fidget and chime in when the Sandaime stayed impassive.

"While I sympathize, I can't promise you Tsunade will cooperate," he said.

"I'll take care of that," I replied quickly. "Just tell me where she is. I'll convince her." Bribe, manipulation, guilt-tripping, blackmail… I would find a way. Failure wasn't an option.

"She's always on the move. What makes you think that I know where she will be?" the Hokage asked curiously.

"Chapter 3 of your guide to being a jounin-sensei, rule four: always know where your students are at all times," Kakashi quoted. "Last chapter: the relationship between sensei and pupils may slowly dissolve with time, but the bond endures, and a sensei keeps watch."

"What he says," I added while giving Kakashi a thumbs up. My boyfriend had done his research and memorized it! So cool.

The Sandaime smiled. "I'm glad to see you took my teaching to heart, Kakashi… Very well. Niikata will hold its autumn festival in two weeks. Tsunade was always quite fond of it and rarely fails to attend."

"Niikata! Got it!" I repeated cheerfully before mouthing to Kakashi: "Where is that?"

"South-east of Fire Country, on the seaside."

"Oh, do they have beaches? I love sand beaches. Seagulls are annoying little shits, but otherwise, it's pretty cool."

"A port, no sand beach, lots of seagulls."

"Urgh, those are bad signs. If you never see me again, I'd have probably been eaten alive by the white beasts."

"A tragic death. I'll pray for your soul."

"Please do. I'll need it."

The Hokage cleared his throat and raised a judgmental eyebrow. "As entertaining as this is, you'll be able to resolve this issue with seagulls on site." At our lack of understanding, he explained: "While Tsunade stays away from Konoha, she knows about the accusations against Itachi. She'll not help you without a word from me delivered by a loyal Konoha shinobi..."

"Don't get me started about Itachi's loyalty to Konoha, Hokage-sama," I warned with squinted eyes.

"... officially recognized as such," he concluded without blinking, but I was sure he had added that for my benefit. "Kakashi, you'll go under the pretense of a C-rank mission with your team. Niikata always requests a security increase during their festival. You'll be on the squad sent. There, you'll liaise with Itachi and introduce him to Tsunade."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

oOo

"Hi," I chirped cheerfully as I landed on the table between Itachi and Kisame. They were peacefully eating cabbage and shrimp stir-fry (a mix of their favorites so everyone would be happy) at a quiet street food shop. "So, I have found you a doctor, Itachi-kun. I'll need you for one to two weeks to get you back on your feet," I explained as I stepped toward an empty space between them. "Kisame-san, can you cover for us? I'll bring you back some dried fishes and taiyaki… I mean, Itachi-kun will, since I don't have pockets or hands, but you get what I mean."

"Why can't I come with you?" Kisame protested.

"Oh, darling, I love you too, but unfortunately this doctor is super-secret stuff. That, and Itachi-kun would rather cough up a lung than show weakness in front of you, so, nope, you can't come."

"Tsukiyo-chan," Itachi murmured. His straw hat was tilted down, hiding his face from anyone who wasn't a crow sitting on the table. He looked tired, but not upset. "You're bothering our host."

I looked up and noticed the civilian cook staring at me with a gaping mouth. "Hi! Can I have some of that stir-fry too? Small portion. No salt or sauce necessary, thank you very much." When he didn't start on my order right away, I shake my wings in discontentment. "Itachi-kun, can you do that thing where they magically obey?"

"W-what?" the cook stuttered, finally getting back his ability to speak.

"She means paying," Itachi explained and held out a few coins. From the civilian's reaction, I'd say it was a lot more than a bowl's worth, probably to buy his silence and patience. I wouldn't know: this world's money was totally obscure to me.

Kisame chuckled. "Good one. Alright, fine, bird-brain, but you better follow up with those snacks."

"I'm always serious about snacks, Blue." The arrival of my stir-fry was the occasion to prove it, and I cheerfully pecked at the meal.

I stayed with Itachi the whole time before leaving for Niikata. I had managed to make him promise he would summon me each time I ran out of chakra by a counter promise of 'behaving' — whatever that meant (he had explained: less commentary, less bitching, less snarking… so, to summarize, less talking; I felt unappreciated, good snark was an art!).

Despite a bit of sulking after I swore to behave, I found out that traveling with those two was soothing. They were quiet, cooperated well and without much talking needed, and never made a fuss wherever they go. I simply wasn't used to it anymore, not after living on Ichouki (Karasu weren't quiet or calm). I ended up dozing on Itachi's shoulder more than once.

"You're strangely quiet, bird-brain. Did you catch Itachi-san's illness or something?" Kisame asked at dinner after a few days.

I yawned and slightly shook myself before blinking in his direction. "I'm acclimating. It's getting so cold, I think I'm ready to hibernate."

"You hibernate?" Kisame asked, frowning.

While Itachi pointed out: "Crows don't hibernate."

"Do I? Don't they? Why not? I think I should. I think bears have the right idea. Winter is so cold and boring." I yawned again. "Sleeping for months sounds good. I want to give it a try. Why can't I, just because I'm a crow? That's speciesist. I want the opportunity to hibernate."

"Yeah, no, she's fine," Kisame concluded while shaking his head.

"You shouldn't needle her," Itachi advised.

"It's morbid fascination, I think," Kisame replied with that nonchalant and quick-witted companionship they had. "How doesn't she drive you crazy?"

"Actually, my wiseness is all that maintains his sanity," I piped up.

Despite Kisame's scepticism, Itachi gently petted my head, and that was all the confirmation that mattered. Annoying I might be, but I was a permanent feature in his life, his confidant and his safeguard. I had stopped him from going too far once (traumatizing his little brother with genjutsu and all that 'become strong to avenge their parents' bullshit? nope, horrible plan, forget it), and he knew I would still do it. He relied on me, implicitly, to keep him sane. I was going to keep him safe too.

oOo

Niikata was a rich city, popular with well-off merchants for its casino and resorts. Its festival was a little upscale and, without surprise, Tsunade favored the events organized in the casino. We had gotten a tip she would be present there one evening in particular.

As we waited for the appropriate hour to come, I shifted uneasily beside Itachi on the roof giving us a good view of the district.

"Speak up, Tsukiyo-chan," Itachi said softly.

"What?"

"You have been fussing more and speaking less than usual. Something is on your mind. Speak."

I shook my wings in annoyance. We had left Kisame two days ago, and for two days I had been trying to find a good way to breach the sensitive subject. I hadn't realized I was so obvious, but then trying to be subtle wasn't particularly my forte.

"It's about Hatake Kakashi," I admitted finally. I might as well just blurt it out. That's how I did everything, and it had worked ok for me until now, after all… Right?

Itachi hummed, watching me patiently.

I looked him in the eye. "We are dating."

There were a few seconds of silence before he murmured softly: "Pardon?"

"Yeah, I know, I know. What is a gal like me doing with a guy like him, am I right? What can I say, we hit it off. Love goes beyond frontiers and all that shit." I shrugged. "Anyway. I thought I should warn you, in case he can't keep his hands to himself, you know."

"Tsukiyo-chan."

"Yes?"

"Please, don't say a word more."

"Ok."

He leaned back on the ground and stared at the clouds. His eyes seemed a little glazed. Uh. Probably the seagulls' screams getting at his sanity. The little demons were such loud beasts.

"Don't worry though. My heart is still yours," I clarified to comfort him.

His hand fell on my head and two elegant fingers closed my beak.

Rude.

oOo

The night had fallen when we stepped in the casino.

In human form, wearing a kimono a little more colorful than usual (red, gold and black, due to the seasonal theme and the evening of entertainment planned), I was bouncing on my toes in the lobby.

Itachi (disguised with shorter hair, a plainer face and a dark kimono) rested a hand on my forearm and gave me a look asking me to calm down. I pouted. I already had to stay put when he painted my nails red (to keep me still, he had admitted it without an ounce of shame). I wanted to move! Human bodies had so much more mobility than crows, it was a shame not to use it.

"Hello!"

I spun around and threw my arms around Kakashi's neck. He was disguised: his hair dyed brown, falling down around his face instead of defying gravity, his left eye covered by a white eye-patch (the standard medical kind) and his face unmasked but decorated with a few moles and a generous amount of freckles. He was wearing a black haori and silver hakama and looked quite dashing.

"Honey! You're late!" I squealed before kissing his cheek.

"Sorry, sweetheart. I got held up in the crowd." Kakashi pecked the corner of my lips before nodding at Itachi. "Brother-in-law…"

Since my human form looked like Mikoto, I was posing as Itachi's sister, and Kakashi was my fiancé. It was the jounin's idea, and I was perfectly fine with it. Itachi had lifted an eyebrow when I had first told him but hadn't commented. Now that he knew of our relationship though, his opinion was difficult to read.

I grabbed them both by the wrists and, with one on each side, I dragged them deeper inside. "Come on, let's get this show on the road," I murmured, "before the old hag gets too drunk to speak."

"So, brother-in-law, how is the life on the road treating you?" Kakashi asked casually.

"Well enough. How is the married life treating you?"

"Seriously?" I mumbled at their pseudo ambiguous conversation.

"Maa, your dear sister is a delight."

"I hadn't realized she would be to your tastes."

I gawked at Itachi. Rude again! Such an embarrassment. I couldn't take him anywhere. Fortunately, Tsunade wasn't really hard to find. I spot her at a roulette table, a cup of sake in hand and her apprentice carrying a little pig behind her.

"She's… an acquired taste," Kakashi replied sweetly.

"Oh for fuck's sake," I swore, "fine! If I'm the only mature individual in this place, then I guess it's on me to do all the work!"

Before they could anticipate my plan, I sat down at the roulette table, taking the only free seat and slamming on the table the chips I had… acquired on the way.

"Wait," Kakashi hissed.

I ignored him as the dealer called for bets. "Red."

Twenty minutes later, the three chips I had acquired had transformed into forty-eight. Tsunade had lost every single time… until now.

"Twenty-three, red, odd, high," the dealer announced.

I grinned. I had bet everything on an odd number, which gave me forty-eight more chips. Tsunade had turned pale. She had bet ten chips on twenty-three. She was winning thirty-five times her bet, enough to cover all her losses and more. She stood up abruptly.

"Tsukiyo-chan, that's enough," Itachi murmured.

I hummed in agreement and reached for my winnings, hiding them in my kimono without care.

Kakashi dragged me away behind Itachi and whispered: "Did you cheat? No-one wins five times in a row."

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Karasu are lucky little shits. It's genetic, to compensate for the problematic summoners, you see," I explained innocently.

He snorted, probably wondering if he should take me seriously or not (a common issue) but choosing to focus on the more urgent matter.

Tsunade was leaving with her apprentice in tow, spooked by her sudden win. However, she still took the time to get her chips exchanged for money at the counter. Itachi gestured for me to do the same. I started to pull chip after chip from my kimono. Tsunade had been much more organized (as expected of a regular). Waiting for her money, she watched me in morbid fascination as I added chip after chip to the growing pile in front of the baffled employee.

I patted my chest thoughtfully. "Wait. That's ninety-four. I'm missing two."

"Why did you put them there?" Tsunade finally blurted out.

"No pockets," I explained with a shrug, still pulling at the layers of fabric tugged tightly together. Having invented pockets and not putting them in every piece of clothes made was one of the greatest shames of humanity.

"Most women use their obi," Tsunade pointed out judgmentally.

"Oooh. That's smart," I cooed, wide-eyed, patting at my belt to find the last two chips. "And look! They were there." I grinned at the patient employee. "Here they are, my rightly deserved ninety-six chips. Please, take care of them."

Tsunade had turned her attention to the two disguised shinobi waiting for me, and I was pretty sure that they had been made. Still, for some reason, after she got her money, she waited until I had my own pouch of money cradled to my chest, staring at me thoughtfully. We left the counter. When we reached the exit door, she suggested: "You should entrust it to your friends."

"In their dreams! I did all the work! It's mine!" I protested, raising my chin and spreading my elbows in an effort to make me look bigger.

She chuckled. "I like you." The next second, her glowing hand was to my neck and her voice was icy as she stared at Itachi and Kakashi: "It won't stop me from killing you if you don't tell me immediately who you are."

"Rude," I blurted out.

Without a word, Kakashi showed his free hands and gestured at his pocket. When Tsunade nodded, he pulled out a scroll and slowly held it out. With a tilt of her head, Tsunade ordered Shizune, who had been hiding behind her until now, to take the scroll and read it.

"This is from Hokage-sama, shishou."

"About?"

"Medical help."

"For me," Itachi clarified.

Tsunade hummed and watched us one by one before pulling her hand back and taking the scroll. When she looked back up, she squinted at Itachi. "Let's go to my room."

She disappeared in the next breath.

I rolled my eyes to the sky. "Is this Rude Day? Someone could have warned me."

Itachi grabbed me by the waist. A moment later, I groaned in disgust as I leaned on the wall of a hotel hallway. "Stupid shinobi mojo."

Kakashi swiped me off my feet (what was I? a bag of almonds?!) and put me down inside the hotel room, closing the door behind us.

"Who are you?" Tsunade demanded immediately.

Kakashi and Itachi removed their disguises. I leaned forward, expecting an attack on my summoner, but Tsunade didn't react outwardly. She stared, however, for a long moment.

"I'm told the Hatake boy is escorting a loyal shinobi of Konoha… I don't know what this means, and I don't want to know. Political bullshit and obscure plots, no doubt. Get naked." She pointed to a futon with her chin.

"This day keeps getting ruder and ruder," I piped up. Although I was personally glad that begging and bargaining didn't seem necessary to convince Tsunade to help us. Maybe money and booze had put her in a good mood.

Tsunade frowned at me. "Who is she?"

"The girl who will give you all her earnings if you stop being rude," I replied before the men could.

"You think you can buy me? with so little?"

"Eh! I think you could buy some good sake with 'so little'. You know, if you're into that, which I'm not — I'm more of an almond girl myself — but to each their own," I babbled as I went to stand by Itachi's side and carefully folded the kimono he was removing. "Now, let's get back to the subject. Itachi is experiencing chronic fatigue, shortness of breath, sporadic thoracic pain and lowered chakra level. Fix him, please and thank you."

"Get out," Tsunade ordered as she stepped forward.

"Your rudeness is reaching peak level. I'm appalled."

Kakashi was next to me before I could complain more, and he pulled me toward the door. "Now, Tsukiyo-chan, let's leave Tsunade-sama to work in peace, shall we?"

The door closed behind us before I could answer, and we stood in the desert hallway. He held me close and didn't seem eager to let go. I looked up to assess his state of mind. He met my eyes and smiled softly before leaning forward and kissing the corner of my lips.

"Why don't we go wait on the roof?" he suggested in a whisper.

"It's cold outside."

"I'll keep you warm," he promised, leaning closer.

"... I'll hold you to that."

oOo

Kakashi sat with his back to a metal plate which had accumulated the sun's warmth, and I curled up in his lap. After the excitement of the evening, I was getting drowsy. I let my head fall on his shoulder and didn't protest when he rested his chin on my hair. With his arms around me, I was warm and comfy.

I dozed while he read.

Time passed before the silence was broken by Kakashi speaking up:

"Are you going to hover until sunrise?"

Pulled from dreams of being a human towering above all others, I hummed questioningly and opened my eyes.

Before I could ask what Kakashi was talking about, Itachi came out of the shadows. I blinked at him drowsily. He was staring at us strangely, like when he was startled by my stellar wisdom. Uh. Did I speak in my sleep?

"Decided yet?" Kakashi asked.

I straightened and rubbed my eyes, forgetting that Itachi had applied makeup and getting mascara smudged on the back of my hand. I stared at it with a displeased pout.

"It's not my place to comment," Itachi said.

"What are you talking about?" I piped up.

"About whether or not Itachi approves of us," Kakashi explained.

"Oh. Then, yeah, it's not his place." I tried to stand up, but due to the damn kimono restricting my movements, I gave up and held out my hands for Itachi to pull me up. Once upright, I immediately went for a hug. "What did she say?"

"Degenerative lung disease worsened by jutsu abuse."

"The cure?"

He stared at me quietly.

"If you tell me there aren't any, I'm going back to the drunk hag and convincing her to pull a miracle out of her fine bosom," I warned.

"I have medicine to slow the illness. A cure would necessitate monthly chakra treatment until remission."

I nodded. "Okay."

Itachi closed his eyes. "Tsukiyo-chan, that's not possible."

"Oh, it is," I replied calmly.

He met my eyes, and his lips parted to answer.

I pressed a finger to the tip of his nose to silence him. "Now, here is the plan: I'm going to go speak to Tsunade about how to find her every month; when we're back to base, I'll inform bossman that you'll take monthly leave for an undetermined time; and you'll take your medicine and get your precious self in time for your treatment every month. Failure to comply by any party will lead to daily harassment by a legion of very pissed and very determined Karasu," I explained before spreading my hands. "See? Very simple plan. Success guaranteed."

"Sounds like a good plan." Kakashi had stood up, and he looked at me with amusement.

"Please, senpai, don't encourage her," Itachi sighed. "Akatsuki's activities make it unlikely I'll be able to leave every month."

"Darling, when I'm done with them, every one of your charming comrades will push you out of the door every month in fear of my retaliation should you ever miss one appointment. You think I'm an acquired taste? You have never seen me at my worse."

oOo

Two weeks later, I was resting on Kakashi's shoulder (in crow form) as he sat in a tree, listening to me narrating proudly how I had forced S-class shinobi to submit to my mighty will:

"So, you have to imagine a cave full of crows, like on every available surface there was a crow of different size and shape, it was a work of art. And the bossman, he stared at his lair which slowly got covered in droppings, right, with his fancy marble face, and he said with this solemn voice: 'Itachi-san, you're excused from every meeting and mission coinciding with your medical appointments. Please, remove your beasts from the premises.'" I tried to imitate Pain's voice, but a karasu's vocal cords (don't ask me how that worked, it just did, alright?) weren't designed for the exercise, and I completely failed.

Kakashi chuckled lightly.

"So, Itachi stared at me, and I just said, like a boss, 'dismissed', and all the karasu flew out of the cave and back to Ichouki, our sacred gingko tree. Akatsuki had to abandon the cave due to the droppings and the fact that everyone around had noticed the thousands of crows swarming the place." I sighed in delight. "Everyone in Akatsuki now hates me deeply — except for Kisame who strangely thinks I'm hilarious now, but I think that's the boobs' effect. My life is complete."

Kakashi raised a hand and softly patted my head. I basked in his approval and rubbed my feathers against his mask (it was useful to clean up).

"Sensei?"

"Shit," I breathed, flying away from Kakashi's shoulder to take refuge on a higher branch.

"Sensei, we're done with our exercises. What should we do now?" Sakura asked from the ground, her teammates by her side.

"Maa, I suppose we should prepare for a mission. Is there something wrong with your neck, Sasuke?"

"I thought I saw a crow…"

"Probably just a magpie."

I held back a squawk of protest. How dare he compare me to those little thieves?! True, I didn't want Sasuke to see me in this form — he might recognize me even if it had been years and we had barely met once or two — but still!

I had such tolerance for humans. They were so lucky to have me, really.