Disclaimer: this is very very unedited and I of course am not one of the geniuses who came up with the og everything. I just own the plot of this fic and a bunch of Kit Kat's. Also I have a head canon that Luka just...knows. He knows. Anywhoo, enjoy
They're sprawled about the Couffaine's boat, having just finished a rehearsal for Kitty Section. Lackadaisically draped over the furniture and each other, they look more like lizards soaking in the Paris sun than a handful of teenagers.
"I'm just saying, Ladybug's obviously hotter." Rose leans back against Juleka, waiting for somebody to contradict her.
"That's because you're a lesbian, Rose." Juleka giggles and her girlfriend smacks her.
"I'm not attracted to shoes, but that doesn't mean I can't tell when a pair looks good," says Marinette, coming to Rose's defense.
Alya raises her hands in surrender, though she's clearly enjoying the debate. "I mean, we already know who I think is better."
"Adrien, who's your favorite?" The bluenette asks, cheeks reddening.
"I'd say Chat Noir," the model answers, grinning as he leans back on his elbows.
His father is on a business trip, making it significantly easier to slip out the window and join his friends.
"Really?" Nino sounds incredulous. "Dude, I've heard you wax poetic about Ladybug for daaays."
"I mean-" Adrien stops short, blushing as his mind wanders to his lady yet again.
He regains his composure, determined that his speech to follow will convince his classmates of Chat's abilities- or at least his hotness.
"Ladybug is great and all, but have you seen Chat's muscles?? Taut and toned, clad in that tight, black, shiny leather...", he trails off, tracing his alter ego's (rather defined, he must admit) abs in the air.
He can hear Plagg's voice in the back of his mind, telling him to shut up before he gives himself away or his ego inflates to the size of his Kwami's favorite wheel of Camembert.
"He's just so suave, and daring, and he'll do anything to protect Ladybug."
Oh well. At least he can say he doesn't have issues with self esteem.
"And how exactly would you know what Chat Noir's abs happen to look like up close?"
Alya seems amused, while Marinette looks utterly shocked at this unexpected side of Adrien.
Luka watches it all, strumming his guitar, piercing blue eyes twinkling with mirth. He definitely maybe knows. But Adrien is ninety-nine percent sure the musician wouldn't tell. He's cool.
"Well you see, Alya-" he pauses for a moment, grinning a rakish Chat-esque grin, "- I happen to have been rescued from various akuma attacks by one Chat Noir himself, and I can say with certainty that his lean muscles are purrrrfect. And his lips, so pillowy-pink and soft, with a meowthful of shiny teeth, tastes so good..." Adrien trails off, sighing wistfully at the thought of Chat-rather, himself.
"You could say he's my catnip," the model continues, winking.
Luka snorts and continues picking out a melody. Marinette pales and she mutters a faint, "Oh no, not him too."
Adrien has no idea what that means, but he's determined to make his friends appreciate his other side, even if Plagg says his ego doesn't need any more inflation.
"And it's not just his muscles," he makes sure that there's a dreamy look in his eyes as he says this, "but he's so in sync with Ladybug. They work perfectly together, and he always knows exactly what she needs him to do."
"Yeah, it's like they're telepathic or something," Rose squeaks out from where she's resting on Juleka's lap.
Adrien smirks. "I wish," Plagg whispers from his pocket. "That would make things so much easier. And then I could get my Camembert faster."
"Dude, are you dating Chat Noir or something?" Nino looks over at his best friend, his tone neutral but surprised.
"Not exactly." Adrien chuckles to himself.
"But some of those nights on the rooftops when he would take me across the city so I could get away from my father, it was just the two of us, and well, he looks stunning in the moonlight."
He winks, letting his growing blush imply the rest.
' I take it back,' says the Plagg voice in his head. 'This is hilarious kid! That's one way to throw them off the scent.'
"I had no idea you were attracted to men, Adrien." Alya raises an eyebrow, her mocha eyes merely interested, and he can't detect any judgment in them.
"Yeah," he shrugs, "Chat, and blueberry over there"- he nods in Luka's direction-"are both pretty stunning, but I'm quite serious about m'lady."
Luka looks completely unsurprised and winks at him, while Marinette pales even more, if that's possible. Her eyes widen, her gaze burning into his forehead. Adrien honestly has no idea why, unless she's homophobic or something. That wouldn't make sense though, he knows for a fact that she completely supports Kagami, who's bisexual.
"Chaton?"
She looks straight at him, and Adrien looks back into cerulean eyes he's seen a million times, ocean eyes he could drown in.
Freckles like her dad accidentally sprinkled cinnamon on her cheeks while he was baking and it never washed off. He's counted those dots, barely visible under the mask, popping against her porcelain skin.
The midnight tresses always in twin tails, bouncing against the red-spotted-black leather as she leaps over the rooftops of Paris.
And now he gets it. M'lady. He's so stupid.
She waltzes over to him, as though in a trance, grabbing him by the wrists and pulling him to the edge of the deck, and he's about one step away from catapulting into the Seine.
He's almost positive she's going to kill him. There's a fiery look in her eyes that he finds equal parts endearing and frightening, one that even when worn on the kindest girl in their class is utterly terrifying. Especially because he's seen said genius girl take down hundreds of akumas while he was by her side.
"Bugaboo? Is it really-" she cuts him off.
"Banananoir?"
Ok, so there's no way she's not going to throw him into the Seine by his ankles. She's definitely strong enough to do it.
He gulps and wheezes out, "The one and only," trying for a cheeky smile.
"I want you to know I support you no matter what, and also that you deserve to be thrown into this lovely river next to us for giving me a heart attack, revealing your secret identity, and making me think the two boys I love were having an affair with each other!"
He shrinks back, feeling his imaginary feline ears slump forward, tail between his legs.
"Well m'lady it technically wouldn't have been an affair because umm self lov- wait, the two boys you're in love with?"
Green pupils widen to what he's sure is a comical extent, and Marinette huffs, hands firmly on her hips.
" Chat-Banana-Adrien-Noir-Agreste-whoever you are, I've had a crush on Adrien for years! My attraction to him was the only thing stopping me from accepting Chat Noir's constant advances on Ladybug!"
"Oh."
"oHhH."
"But you have to admit, it was pretty hilarious watching your faces when I told you about my 'rendezvous' ' with Chat," he purrs, waggling his eyebrows.
"Kiiiitty," she whines. "I mean I was imagining..." she trails off, rubbing the back of her neck. Her skin reddens and Adrien realizes for the umpteenth time how adorable she is, on either side of the mask.
"Never mind."
"I mean if you reaaaallly want me to tell you about how much I, Adrien Agreste, loooovee Chat Noir, I'd be glad to."
"Minou?"
"Yes, m'lady?"
"Do me a favor and shut up."
She leans in, and his heartbeat is fluttering with a million of Hawkmoth's stupid butterflies.
He's close enough to see her eyelashes fluttering, thick black parentheses that he finds very distracting.
The kiss is perfect, he thinks. Maybe? He has no idea really, he's entirely focused on the feeling of her lips against his, and it's so hot and the butterflies in his stomach are melting into a puddle of goo.
She pulls away and the world is spinning, he leans instinctively towards her, flushed and breathing shallow.
"That," she states, apparently unaware she's just made him breathless and weak in the knees, "was entirely overdue."
"I agree. Boo?"
"Yeah?"
Would you like to um, go out with me? For the record, I think you're absolutely the cat's meow."
He sends a cheesy wink her way, and his bug contentedly rolls her eyes.
"I love you, my kitty. And I'd love to go out with you, and be your girlfriend. But-"
His heart sinks like it's an elevator and somebody cut the rope.
"Limit of ten puns a day."
He perks up again.
"Maariineette," he moans, threading his nimble fingers through hers.
She stares him down, and he has a distinct feeling that she's going to win most of their arguments.
"Friday?"
"Yeah."
——————————-
That Friday Date That They Just Referenced (aka the Epilogue)
They're looking out over the city late at night, legs swinging against the glistening metal rungs of the city's famous Eiffel Tower.
His leather- clad toes nudge her spotted boot, and she turns to him expectantly.
Looping a clawed hand over her shoulder, he pulls her in close to him, enjoying the feeling of their shared warmth.
"Look at what Alya just posted, Mari."
She squints at the miniature screen embedded in his cat staff, then looks up at her partner, then back again, both starting to shake with laughter.
The Ladyblog's newest article is titled: "Are Chat Noir and Adrien Agreste Lovers?"
"Kitty...," she's giggling like mad, clutching Chat's arm to stay upright.
"You did this?" Asks she once recovered, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes.
"Alya wanted a private interview with the Chat himself, since she'd already gotten the scoop from Adrien's point of view. I merely gave her the truth, Princess."
She skims the rest of the article, phrases like 'Adrien is the cat's meow,' and 'I can't say those rooftop nights blondie was talking about never happened, because that would just be denying the truth. He's purrrrfect,' catching her eye.
"This will definitely throw them off your tail, Chaton."
"Was that a pun I heard, m'lady?"
He teases, and she flicks his soft velvety ear, eliciting a purr.
"Did you just... purr?"
His breath catches as she strokes his ears, blushing to high heaven.
He makes a mental note to steal Plagg's Camembert later.
"Come here, kitty."
So he does as his lady says, curling up beside her to look out upon their city.