My heart pounded in my chest. There he stood. He was clad in his military uniform, his long coat draped over his shoulders. There was a smirk in his face as he took in my expression of shock. Isn't this what you wanted?
My face turned red. I hurried into the house, wanting desperately to hide in my own room. But no. Instead, I was expected to interact with him. I couldn't just run away; Maes would know something was wrong, and I couldn't have that. I opted to sit next to Elicia, hoping to get some distance between me and Roy.
Roy, apparently, had other ideas. He situated himself next to me. I could smell his familiar cologne. "Someone to impress?"
He smirked again. "You, apparently." I huffed, turning around to face the table as Maes and the others sat down.
"So how do you know Mustang?" The oldest Elric asked.
Before I could answer, Roy sounded off, "She's an old friend."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "So I'm old?"
He laughed. "Of course not."
"You were what, 19?" Maes asked, forking some food into his mouth.
I shook my head. "Yeah. You brought him home after the war."
I had been known to despise the military. I had hated the day Maes said he had joined. That meant he would leave, that he would die. He would die for a cause that meant unjust murder. And then the State Alchemists were brought it. Complete slaughter. Disgusting.
I doubted that the shooting of that Ishvalan child was an accident. Something about the whole incident seemed... off. Especially the order the Fürher had made. Why a complete genocide of our neighbors? Why?
I knew Roy by his nickname, The Hero of Ishval. And I didn't care too much for him when I meant him. But god was I still attracted. My brain knew that he was just acting on orders, but my heart said he was a murderer. She also said that she'd love to know how he felt. He was just so... so intoxicating. Intoxicating? What did that even mean?
He somehow worked on me, getting me to make a small smile at him every now and then. Despite what I had assumed about him, he was the complete opposite. What I thought was cold and calculated was actually warm and intelligent. And then it happened.
At some point, my hatred had actually become fondness. I had somehow managed to find a spark with him. He kissed me, and it was like magic. And even in that statement was a childish way to describe it. The feeling of his lips on mine... how he had pulled me into his body by the small of my back... how toned he was underneath the uniform...
"Lainey?" Maes' voice called.
I shook my head. "What?"
"You okay over there?"
I flashed my eyes towards Roy, who was looking at me with a concerned look. "Yeah, just zoned out for a minute there."
Dinner was hard for me after that...
/—/
I stared up at the dark ceiling. My mind was racing, so I couldn't sleep. His face was taking up most of my minds eye. The way he stared at me... and how my heart raced whenever he addressed me. It was almost as if he still- stop.
There is NO way that Roy had feelings for you. He never did.
I sighed and flipped over. How have I not yet managed to convince myself that Roy doesn't care about me? I was simply another woman to him. Yeah, but what about the wedding? What about that first night? A scoff escaped my mouth. I decided to try to sleep. I was not going to address feelings that weren't there.
But they were. Even after all of these years, I still wanted him. I still wanted to feel his warmth behind me, just like when I was 19. And those nights we snuck around so Maes wouldn't know. Because Maes would kill him. Because I was 19. Because, to my brother, I still am that little sister that he met all those years ago.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Please SHUT UP. Seeing Roy tonight brought up all the memories I was so desperate to escape. But hey, at least he barely touched me.
I wanted him to though.
But in the same way as he first had. How he had managed to catch a time where I wasn't around my brother, a rarity. I don't even remember what or how it happened. All I remember was how his eyes gleamed in the light. How he pulled me to him. And then his lips on mine. His experience, his caution, like I was something fragile, and if broken, he was specifically responsible.
He was so gentle. And the kiss had been deep, but he held so much passion. A passion I felt I didn't deserve. I had been such an ass to him, over something he admitted to feeling guilty over. He kept a hand in my back and had the other resting on my cheek. And when he pulled away, his eyes were full of an emotion I couldn't read.
I sighed. It was pointless to live in the past. As much as I had wanted to run away from him, some part of me wanted to be held. And it stemmed from my inability to let people go. An example being my brother. I had always been close to him. His absence always brought out the worst in me. I could never handle being on my own.
But I just wanted to hold him. To wrap my arms around him and never let go again. Even if I wanted to deny how I felt about Mustang, he was a comfort. And when he was out of my life, it was always hard. But I would eventually suck it up and move on. But something about this time was different. Something about this point of my life was off, like things were about to change. I could only hope it wasn't for the worst.