Chapter song: I'm so tired – Lauv, Troye Sivan.
Am I posting a bonus chapter just after posting the first one a few hours ago? Why yes, yes I am.
Chapter 2 – I'm so tired of love songs.
CPOV:
2 years ago
I rush out of the elevator down the corridor and reach the nurses station asking them what room Theodore Trevelyan is. She points me in the right direction and I see Elliot pacing outside Theo's room.
"Lelliot?"
"Hey C..." he breathes and we hug. "He's stable now but it was a little scary there for a while."
"Is mom inside?"
"Yeah she is. Dad decided initially not to tell her but you know how shit he is at lying when it comes to her."
Mom joins us in the waiting room a little while later and lets us know that Theo is doing fine and he just needs to take it easy, which he never does. The man refuses to stay still. Ever since Grandma Ellie's death he's been restless and trying to keep himself busy or it would've driven him mad.
"Dad asked for you, Christian. Elliot you're next."
"Mom, honestly tell us." I can see the worry on her face. She looks so frail these days.
"He's going to be fine but he really needs to slow down. It's like he's on a race to the grave." She sniffs and wipes her face. I give her a hug and rub her back. She's been struggling herself with the chemo. She's been responding well but between her and Theo, we've all been on edge.
I walk in to Theo's room and pull a chair next to his bed. He looks at me and smirks.
"Exciting day, huh?" He laughs.
"This isn't funny, Theo." I try to reprimand him but he still laughs it off. "You really need to take care of yourself. Do I need to hire another nurse to keep an eye on you?"
"Can you promise me she'll have a great rack and set of legs? Then yeah sure, hire five more."
"Theo, you're too old for that level of excitement."
"Just humor me, kid." We're both silent for a few moments till he decides to speak again. "Look, Christian, your brother needs to stop chasing tail and you need to start chasing some. I know for a fact you're not gay. I've never seen you check a guys ass or a woman's shoes so cut the shit and tell me what's going on in your life... cause you sure as hell ain't celibate."
I'm taken aback by his candidness. My family have always been very, well they've never really questioned my sexuality. Sure they've made assumptions. It's Elliot's mission in life to goad me into admission of some kind by making the most ridiculous jokes he can but to this day the family isn't aware of the extent of preferences of my extra-circular's.
"Look Theo, you're right. I'm not gay but I'm private and I'd like to keep it that way."
You don't need to know what really turns me on and how.
"Look, whatever you're into, if it's meant to be kept private then you're not gonna find happiness and you're going to continue to look like a sourpuss. Now you've got a decent looking face, not as good as mine but it can be worked with. Find yourself a girl, like I found my Ellie and settle down. God knows we can't expect shit from Elliot, I'm surprised his dick hasn't fallen off."
I smirk at the thought. Elliot has fucked half of NYC and the Hamptons at this point.
"I'm not looking to create a family beyond what I have with you all Theo." I don't have those desires and never had them. I'm dealing with too much fucked up shit in my head for that.
"It's my dying wish, kid." He says in all seriousness and my eyes fly up to him.
"Don't fucking say that. You're going to be fine, Theo."
"I'm tired kid, this is your time anyway. I just want you to be happy. I've seen it all, trust me... there's a girl out there for you. Just give it a chance. You'll know it when you see her. You'll feel that spark. Trust your ol' man. I've never lied to you."
If I told Elena about this she'd laugh her ass off right about now. Masters of the Universe don't have time or the need for love. That shit is for fools.
"Promise me, Christian." He brings me out of my reverie and I see the serious look in his eyes.
I swallow. "I promise, Grandpa. I'll try my best."
Theo died two weeks later.
Present day.
Friday afternoon.
"C... I think Mia is broken."
"What do you mean?" I look up from my laptop in his direction. God, I fucking hate it when he lies on my office couch. Now it's going to smell like a construction site and wet dog.
"When I picked her up from the airport last night, she was wearing jeans and t-shirt wth chucks and get this... she only had two suitcases. Like a normal human being AND she flew coach. I think we need to get her checked in to one of those fancy places."
"She flew coach?" What the fuck? Mia Grey, would never be caught dead in coach or wearing chucks. She once famously told me that she's never leaving bed unless her feet land in Louboutins when rises.
"Yeah. She wasn't her usual self either. She seemed lost in thought." Elliot rubs his forehead.
"Well she's coming for lunch, in fact she should be here right now."
I text Mia's to get her ETA and she replies back telling me she'll be here in another 15 minutes because there was a train delay. What the fuck? Train delay? I text her CPO and she confirms that she's indeed on the 6 train right now.
"Lel, I think you're right she may be broken. She's taking the subway to get here."
He immediately bolts up and looks at me. "Bro... you think she's been body snatched?"
I roll my eyes and he snickers... but in all honesty I'm a little concerned.
I got in from London late last night and the jet lag is finally hitting me but I need to power through this lunch with my siblings and read the rest of these reports for new potential acquisitions Ros wants to explore.
Since Theo's death, I felt that change. His words struck a nerve and I realized I needed to make or start making a change in my life. He'd been such an important figure in my life. While I couldn't confide in him about my deepest and darkest secrets, I knew that he always had my best interest at heart. With the exception of Elliot, I never told anyone about the BDSM shit or how I got into it after he died.
Elena is still friends with our family but Elliot hates her guts and treats her like trash. I'm no longer in business with her and there are no hard feelings. My relationship started with her when I was 15 and after years of therapy, I've finally admitted that it was wrong but I've moved on past the point of wanting retribution. I was a willing participant. I've got more important things to deal with. End of story.
Elliot doesn't understand my need for the lifestyle but also never shunned or judged me for it. All he asked is that I be careful given the position our family is in. I ended my contract with my current submissive a week after Theo's death and never looked back. I spoke to my therapist about trying to forge a new path forward. I started accepting those pointless PR requests that wanted to know more about Christian Grey the self-made billionaire bachelor in order to put myself out there. It's been a year and half and it's fucking exhausting.
"When's your next date with your latest flavor of the week?"
I shrug. "I have to check my calendar."
"Bro, do you even have any attraction to these women?"
"I'm trying Lel, it's fucking hard. They either talk too little or talk too much and it's all bullshit. Some of them are a decent fuck but I don't know... I'm thinking of closing up shop and going back into the lifestyle again."
His lips press into a hard line and he nods. "You think it's safe for you to do that, given that you're really out there now?"
I run my hands through my hair because truth be told I don't fucking know. I still can't let any of these women touch me. I've been working with another therapist to help me with my touch issues, I started that immediately after mom got diagnosed 4 years ago and the thought of not having her around was a real kick in the head. I didn't want her dying without being able to give me a proper hug. I've gotten significantly better but again, I only feel safe around my family. Random women... I can't bear the thought.
"So what's your date to fuck ratio right now?" Elliot asks pouring some bourbon into a glass.
"Every second date as of now. I usually end the charade by the third or fourth date. I don't have the attention span to continue on."
This is why submissives were good. It was simple. Meet on the weekend. Fuck and leave. No conversations. No getting to know what they other person is thinking or feeling. Just pure sex and release.
"You need to let me set you up."
"I don't want your sloppy seconds and don't give me that, 'I'll make sure I've never slept with them' shit. You've fucked half of the women in this city and you don't even remember most of them."
"I love how generous you are with my track record. I sound like a real cad, don't I?" He laughs. "But look, I've not slept around in a year and half bro. Kate is it for me. That's if I can get her in once place for more than two weeks."
"I'd rather you be single and sleeping around than marry that Kavanagh troll"
"Fuck off, bro. Why do you hate her so much?"
"Whatever, Lel, it's your life. I just don't trust her or her father."
He rolls his eyes and goes back to playing whatever candy crush shit he has on his phone.
Mia walks through just as our lunch gets delivered and Elliot was right. This is not our sister Mia... this... I have no idea who this is. She's not wearing any makeup. Her hair is in a bun and she's wearing regular clothes. She looks like a regular 21 year old kid. We catch up and start on our lunch.
"Meems, is everything okay?" I ask. She's sitting on the couch next to Elliot, crossed legged and relaxed. This is really not the Mia I know.
"Yeah, I'm great. What's up?" She replies with her mouth full of salad.
"Nothing, it's just that you look different."
"What he really means to ask is... did you fall into the Siene? Did it cause brain damage cause this is not the Mia we're used to." Elliot interjects and I throw an empty wrapper at his face but he catches it in time. Tactless motherfucker.
"Oh yeah... I'm not into that shit anymore. I guess you could say... " she goes quiet for a few seconds. "I just realized there was so much I needed to for with my life and I was focusing on the trivial stuff that didn't matter."
She starts to tell us about the guy she's been or in this case was dating for the last 6 months. He was a refugee from Syria and got hired as a line cook where she had her apprenticeship. They became friends and fell in love. Just being with him changed her outlook on life. She started volunteering with him at soup kitchens and cooking for the homeless and now that she's back her In New York, she wants to continue with that. She's done with the parties and the fake friendships. She wants to start new and fresh.
"So then what about this magazine feature you're shooting tomorrow?" Elliot asks.
"I'm doing that for Mom. She agreed to it two months ago and I don't want to let her down... but I'm not doing shit like this anymore."
"What do you ultimately want to do Mia?" I ask her point blank.
"I still have my dream of running my own restaurant but I think I want to create something where I can really serve the community also... especially those who don't have access to food. I don't know, I need to get out there and see for myself. Our circle is fake and suffocating. They're just throwing money at the problem. I want to get out there and use my hands and create something." She plays with her salad and her voice breaks a little.
Elliot looks at me and neither of us can speak.
She continues. "All that designer shit I own, I'm going to sell it and donate that money to charity. I know I don't have access to my trust fund till I'm 25 and that's fine. I can wait. Till then I'll work, I'll figure it out."
Elliot reaches out and puts his hand on Mia's forehead and she swats it back laughing.
"Just checking, little sis."
"I promise, I'm fine. I just... it was a transformative experience these last 6 months." She shrugs and goes back to eating her salad.
"What about the guy?" I ask.
"I love him." She says simply. "We've got a lot to figure out. There's a chance it won't work out but we're going to try and eventually I'd like to sponsor him to move here."
What. The. Fuck?
"You need to calm down. You're 21 Mia." I say, trying to be the voice of reason.
She looks up at me and I'm certain she's about to murder me. "I appreciate your concern but he makes me want to be a better person. I love him and that is the end of this discussion."
Elliot looks at me and wills me to stand down. I guess he's right. This is not a battle that needs to be won right now.
Mia is in love. Elliot is in love and I'm barely able to land a decent fuck if I'm lucky. Thanks for nothing Theo.
"Are you still marrying that woman?" Mia asks with disdain. She too hates Katherine.
"I honestly don't understand why the two of you hate her guts so much. She's accomplished. Mom and Dad love her and most of all she makes me happy."
She's barely fucking here how can she him happy?
"They're political. Everything is a 'move' to them, Lelliot. She doesn't have a genuine bone in her body. You deserve someone who is sweet and funny and I don't know... real."
"Get it through your heads that I'm marrying Kate. Don't love her but learn to tolerate her if anything. I've always been there for you both. I love her and it's the least you can do for me." He snaps back irritated and we both nod relunctantly. I wish he could see what a bitch she really is.
She can't be that good a fuck to blind him this much.
When Elliot first got serious about Kate, I had a background check done on her. She came out squeaky clean. Never been in a serious relationship but I know from reliable sources that she too has fucked around like Elliot. So I guess they deserve each other. Still, I have surveillance on her. I'm just waiting for her to fuck up so I can prove to Elliot that she's social climbing trash.
"What about you C? Still dating that airhead?" Mia wiggles her eyebrows.
"Which one?" I smirk.
"Too bad I don't have any real friends myself otherwise I'd find you someone myself."
"You're a kid. I highly doubt I'd find anything in common with someone from your age group." I take a bite of my sandwich.
"You're 27 not 57. Calm down on the Dad talk." she rolls her eyes. Only Mia can get away with such insolence. Only Mia.
I meet Samantha for dinner. She's a 5'8 brunette with olive skin and brown eyes. She's an attractive woman but she wears too much perfume and makeup. How do they even let her into the courtroom is beyond me. It's a rather public place we're currently in and the conversation is as dull as the food I'm eating but I'm determined to finish it. I hate wasting food. She's talking about the show called the Bachelorette and can I see her lips move but I don't hear the words coming out of the mouth. She touches my arm and I immediately tense. She doesn't seem to notice but it pisses me off. This is our third date and I'm really trying but my patience is wearing thin. I see she's barely eating her dinner too. Why can't women just eat like normal human beings?
"Listen, Samantha, do you want to get out of here?" Maybe I can just fuck her and ditch her. It's been two weeks and while I do have a decent amount of control... I think I deserve to be compensated for my patience to endure this lackluster conversation.
My cardinal rule is to never bring a woman to my apartment. I go back to theirs or to a hotel where I can do what I need to and get the fuck out of there. My apartment is my sanctuary. I moved into my recent apartment after Theo died and I gave up the lifestyle. I wanted to start anew. It's been a struggle so far.
Samantha ended up being a less than satisfactory fuck. She kept trying to turn around as I tried to fuck her from behind... why is it so hard to take direction? After we were done, she tried to get me to stay and 'cuddle'. No thanks lady. I've got a custom king sized bed that's calling my name and nightmares I have nightly meetings with.
Taylor drops me off at the front of my apartment building and I take the elevator up to the 82nd floor. I head straight to the shower and wash away the day and later reach for the bourbon and stand looking out the 10x10 windows out at the city.
Here I am, looking at a beautiful city with a spark that's nowhere to be found.
A/N: Christian is going to more or less have the same history as the book but be slightly less uptight I think. I'm still working on that. I've got the major story plot points mapped out. The character development will take place as we go.
Katya is a completely new character and believe it's a really popular eastern european name.
Kate Kavanagh will be a separate character in this story and by what you read up there... well, darling Kate doesn't have a very big fan club.
Also, Elena will not be a major player in this story, at least not right now. She's more of a background character. I still haven't decided.
Thank you to all the reviews, follows and favorites so far. Y'all have so much faith in me. Next chapter is the photoshoot with Grace and Mia.
I am not abandoning my other story. I am committed to finishing darkness to light. I just needed a tiny break.