Chapter song: Overdose (with honne) – SG Lewis
Chapter 10 – feel like I could overdose on your energy
CPOV
Saturday morning
Ana: Hi, I'm in your building lobby. Got here a little early, let me know whenever you're ready to leave.
Christian: Did you have breakfast? Come up for a bit. I'm sending Taylor down to escort you up.
Ana: No can do, Lurch. We're on a tight schedule. Would like to be on the road by 7:30. You have 15 minutes. Chop, chop!
God, she's stubborn. I have a to laugh. Even in her texts she's full of sass.
I take the elevator down and I walk to the front. I see her sitting on one of the leather couches munching on a granola bar while going through her phone. Just the simple act of her eating and licking her lips is causing my body to react. This is going to be a long day but I get to spend it with her.
She was the last person I spoke to last night and she's the first person, aside from staff that I'm speaking to this morning. I slept a little better after our conversation even if it was to discuss the wardrobe for today. She's keeping it simple and relaxed. For this shoot at a museum upstate she asked me to bring two of my favorite suit ensembles to photograph with.
"Good morning, Speedy."
She looks up and smiles. "Good morning, Lurch. Let's get this show on the road!"
"Sure, you never answered me. Did you eat breakfast?"
"Yeah, this granola bar. It's too early for me to eat."
"Anastasia, you need to eat."
"Christian, chill. I have fruit and snacks in my bag. I'll eat eventually. I have a process I stick to on shoot days."
I should have had Gail prepare some snacks for us just in case.
"I don't like this."
"Eh... you'll get over it." she rolls her eyes and giggles. The sound warms my cold damn heart but I could really spank her right now... but she's not mine. Yet. I know, she's not a sub, but she doesn't have to be one for me to spank her.
I nod and lead her to the garage. Taylor already put my clothes in the car last night. We walk to the Maybach... since she like how comfy it is.
"You know, we have the makings of a mafia syndicate?" she muses while she puts her bags in the backseat.
"How?" This has got to be the most random thing she's ever said and for some reason, I love it.
"Well, Elliot is Sparky which can be either that he's trigger happy or good with electronics aka bombs..."suddenly her hand flies to her mouth and her eyes go wide making me laugh. 'Sorry, I forgot we're in New York... anyway... you're Lurch so like you're tall and just hover in the background staring and putting the fear of God into everyone... I'm Speedy which probably means I can drive the fuck out of a getaway car and-or shoot up a place faster than a coin drop. Mia is Tiny which means... people would always underestimate her but she'd actually be the deadliest of all of us."
It takes everything in me to not burst out laughing as I exit the garage and make a turn on to the street.
"What about Katya, is she not part of the syndicate? Does she have a nickname?"
"Oh yeah, she's totally part of it and no she's doesn't have a nickname. Her name is Katya that's like femme fatale vibes already but we don't engage with her much since she's high maintenance. She only comes out for special projects." She deadpans.
I shake my head trying to stifle a smile. "Where do you come up with this stuff?"
She shrugs. "Don't know, I just get hit with the awesomeness and don't question it."
I merge on to the highway and we continue to talk. Conversation with her is effortless. Whether it's talking about something completely random or intentional, it's just... easy. It's what I actually missed when I dropped her off after the drive back from the Hamptons. I wanted more of just the simple act of conversing with her. It was what I had been looking for these past two years and she just came in out of nowhere and effortlessly made it happen.
As we leave the limits of NYC she tells me that she's expecting a call from her Dad and that it won't take more than 15 minutes. She helps her dad manage his schedule and take care of his travel arrangements and client relations etc. Soon enough he calls and she goes through her iPad and tells him about the latest inquiries and they talk about his upcoming schedule. She's hilarious even in the most mundane conversations. The conversation soon takes a turn for serious.
"Dad, please. Not right now... I can't believe Reen...I explicitly told her not to... yeah, well. I'm not the stupid 14 year old kid anymore... ." She growls and pinches the bridge of her nose. Her dad seems to have a loud voice that I can hear it from the phone even though it's not on speaker. I hear Kavanagh's mentioned more than once. "Dad, I love you, I really do but you are being ridiculous right now. I am fine... yeah, well I can't sacrifice my professional gigs for something... look they're fine and I will be fine and if something comes out of this when we'll deal with it...Please, just relax... Dad, can we please change the topic... Dad, I'm on my way to the shoot and I need to be focused... thank you. I 'll send you some previews... I will, I love you... bye Dad."
She puts her phone down and rubs her eyes and looks outside the window..
"Everything okay?" Tell me baby. Tell me anything you want. I can help.
"Yeah, my dad just being... a dad." She says distractedly. "Sorry, you had to hear that."
"Are you sure, everything is good?"
"Yep. He just worries about me since I'm alone."
"Is he gone often?"
"Yeah, but I don't mind. I have Katya and her mom. Their house is two blocks away. He loves what he does and I'm a grown up. Would I like for him to stay in New York for more than a week? Sure but dreams are important too. He was around for the most important stuff so that's what counts. He's never stopped me from pursuing my dreams, so why should I stop him? We've only got one life." She takes a deep breath and looks straight ahead. We remain silent for a few minutes with only the sound of music filling the car.
I love it when you move in close
Time is going fast from slow
Feel like I could overdose when you're next to me
I love it when you move in close.
"You like SG Lewis?" She asks suddenly.
"Yeah, found his music on a whim and I actually really like this song."
"He's good. I like this EP a lot and I like the harmonies at the end of this song." Soon I hear her hum a little to the music with her eyes closed as her head rests on a propped elbow against the window.
This feels so normal.
"You never told me what's so special about this location we're shooting at?"
"Well, to be honest it's a bit of risk but I still wanted to try it as a concept. The magazine called ahead and got us special permission to shoot with the exhibit for about two hours. It's the Richard Serra installation. Have you heard of him?"
"I'm not familiar with his work. In fact I don't think I've really been to museum in... years. The business really takes up all of my time."
"I can imagine but it's important to make time to see things. You never know what you'll learn. A fresh perspective if you will."
"Agreed. I've been slowly trying to make that change in the last two years."
"Why the change, if you don't mind me asking?"
"My grandfather. He died two years ago but before he passed he made me promise to try and change my life from how I was living before... I used to be a recluse of sorts. I was consumed with work and he said I wouldn't find true happiness and peace behind closed doors. I had to get out there and look for it in small things..." and find the right woman.
I can't believe I'm so easily talk about this with someone outside of my family and therapy.
"I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like you were very close to him." She says softly while looking at me. "... but it seems that he lived a very full life and got to see you all so accomplished and happy."
Happy? Not sure about that yet.
"He did. He was pretty accomplished himself."
"My dad says that our loved ones have a way of living through us and whatever we do once they've passed on. As if everything we do in to honor their memory even if that wasn't the original intention."
"I never thought of it that way."
"My dad told me that after my mom died." She says in a low voice. "He said I could find her in the joy of doing what I loved. Which, like him, was photography as well. So I try to channel that. Her beauty, her joy, her energy, her wisdom... everything I do is in memory of her."
"That's really beautiful."
"Yeah, I guess." She whispers with a tight smile. "Anyway... about that exhibit." She suddenly shakes off the sadness and it back to her happy self as if the last few moments of emotion didn't even exist. "Serra basically uses large pieces of steel and creates these absolutely beautiful and magnificent sculptures. They are incredibly simple but they have such a profound quality to them... and... well, his father used to be a pipefitter in a shipbuilding yard and he grew up completely fascinated with the industrial craft... Mia told me before Memorial day that you had the Grace built from scratch and that you had several shipyards across the world because you also have a love for industry in general... so with this exhibit... now you can tell me if I'm really going of the deep end with this connection if you want." She giggles
I smile "No, please continue, I'd love to hear it."
"Well, so these sculptures are essentially ellipses made out of steel with very narrow openings and they aren't uniform at all and I think it's a metaphor in regards to how people view you. Your wealth and success are these huge, sweeping pieces of steel that have this really significant presence and you're at the center of it but no one can really see you because they aren't allowed to. You're protected by it. But the room that these sculptures are placed in, the light treatment can sometimes be a very beautiful experience and by photographing you inside of this piece of art along with the personal questions in the profile, it's like you're allowing us to see who you are?" She shrugs..."I'm probably not explaining it right but when you see these pieces... outside the concept of this shoot, I guarantee you'll love them. They're just that good."
I remain quiet for a few moments, taking in what she just told me.
"I don't think anyone have ever drawn a parallel of my life to art in such a profound way."
I think I'm in love with this girl.
"Surely, the profiles you've done before had some thought process behind the shoots they did?"
"Not really. We just met in a studio and it mostly a vanity exercise. No one's really taken the time to make any connection to things I love and highlight them, not in a way that you have described."
It's like you only want to see the good in me.
She looks out to the road and I can tell she's thinking. "I guess, I probably had the advantage of knowing Mia. I mean if she hadn't told me about the Grace and your investments in shipyards I too wouldn't have made the connection since I hadn't read about it in your profiles. Most of them just focus on how you made the money as a Harvard dropout and your work ethic."
"I suppose that's my fault. My PR runs a tight ship and we keep my private life out of the spotlight wherever we're able exercise that discretion of course."
"Well, gossip sells and people like the heightened reality version of your life I guess."
"Yet, here you are trying to humanize me."
"Well, the profile is attempting to do that and I suppose I am taking it a step further by tapping into some sort of emotion. It's the artist's job to extract emotion out of their subject. If you were to talk to Annie Leibovitz, she'd say it's not her job to make her subject feel ease. No disrespect to her but that's a load of bullshit. Being vulnerable is like being intimate; it cannot be done successfully without trust, which leads to comfort. That's why I always talk to my subjects before a shoot. We talk about completely random things. I try to make them laugh... food always helps and it puts me at ease too since I get nervous as well. I want them to trust me and trust that I will not show them in a bad light."
"But you seem so sure of yourself...I would've never guessed that you'd be nervous."
"Oh, all the time... but it's a good nervous and then once I start shooting I am completely in my element."
"You are who you're meant to be?" I look at her for a second and smile.
She nods enthusiastically and giggles. "Yep. Who I'm meant to be... Sorry, I talk so much... you can tell me to zip it."
I let out a laugh. "I enjoy it. I don't think I've had such meaningful conversations with anyone outside of my family... ever, really."
"Not even with the people you date? I'd think you'd be the King of conversation given your business and all the page 6 real estate you've racked up." She giggles
"Page 6 real estate. Wow, just how much research have you done? Are you obsessed with me?" I smirk.
She snorts. "Keep telling yourself that, Lurch. I told you when I was looking up editorials of you I had to get through a sea of paparazzi photos of you and your plus ones before I found what I was looking for."
"It's okay Speedy, you can be obsessed with me. I won't tell anyone."
"Keep that up Lurch, I'll take a picture of your double chin and have GQ run it as the cover."
"You wouldn't dare." I say in mock horror.
"Test me, I dare ya." She laughs.
An hour and half later we arrive at the museum in upstate New York. We walk in and greet museum staff who let us through. Ana leads the way towards the exhibit. She asks me to look around and get a feel for the sculptures while she sets up her equipment. Her two bags were heavy as fuck for a petite girl like her but she shrugged off telling me she's carried heavier things on the train before and was used to it.
She was right, the exhibit was beautiful and prolific. The simplicity of the sculptures spoke volumes and had such a serene quality to them. Much like, how it feels to be out on the open sea. The tranquility can often be jarring for some but it was something that I longed for. I hadn't experience art like this. Most of the art I was subjected to was for viewing pleasure and the sole purpose of decoration. The physical experience of art wasn't something I had come across. In a word, I was hooked. Or maybe it was because I was experiencing this with her?
I come back into the exhibit room dressed in a charcoal suit and crisp white shirt sans tie. Ana asked that I leave the tie out for the time being till she took some test shots. I find her already set up standing inside of one the sculptures with an iPad in her hand and I realize she's taking test shots with the camera setup on the tripod and tethered to a computer. I watch the photos show up on the computer and I see the concept she's going for. Her face is the only thing that's illuminated while the rest of her is relatively shrouded in darkness with the outside of the sculpture opening in the foreground illuminated as well. It's a play on light to dark to light as the eye travels through the picture.
"So tell me, Mr. Grey... are you ready for your close up?"
I chuckle. "Yes, Miss Steele, I am."
She shows me my mark and directs me as she continues to shoot. She's completely professional and clinical with just the right amount of candidness about what she does and what she wants. After 10 minutes she has enough. We move to another sculpture and repeat the process with slight variations before asking me to walk around the ellipse to get into middle and wait. After a few minutes I hear a buzzing sound and I see the drone hover over me. I laugh out loud and I hear her giggle before she tells me to zip it and go back into model mode. At one point the drone comes down too close me and I jump back.
"What the hell was that?" I growl.
"It's called Revenge of Bertha." She calls out and cackles and I shake my head.
"That was messed up." I say trying to sound annoyed.
"It was messed up for you to bring her so close to the water. She has fears too." I walk out trying to maintain a pissed off expression but fail and she bursts out laughing. "Oh come on, I gotta have some fun at your expense." She smiles and I roll my eyes.
She asks me to put on my tie for the cover close up shot and asks me to lean against the edge of the opening of the sculpture. She gets a little close to me and asks permission to fix my collar and jacket lapel along with my hair a little bit. I appreciate the gesture and allow it. It's oddly an calming experience and I find that I want her hand to remain in my hair. God, she smells good.
Calm down, Grey.
"You're the first photographer I've worked with who's ever asked permission like that?"
"What do you mean?"
"Most people on set just come up close and try to fix whatever problem they see and I have to tell them to back off."
"I'm sorry you've had that experience. I've always had this rule, if I'm about to invade your personal space it's better to ask. I'm the same way too, I don't like people I don't know randomly touching me. As I said before, it's about trust and comfort, violating that even in the smallest way hinders the process of what we're trying to achieve here." She says in all seriousness while looking me in the eye for a few moments but then quickly looks away.
"I appreciate it. I too have problems with people touching me so thank you." I don't know why I volunteered that information and now I really hope she doesn't ask me to elaborate even though I'm dying to know the reasoning for why she hates being touched too.
"Anytime." She gives me a genuine smile and goes back to directing me. She is effortless in trying to make me smile or laugh and doing all this actually feels like... fun. Flynn, would have a field day with this.
"What kind of camera is that?"
"It's a digital medium format camera. The images out of this baby are of a wonderful cinematic quality... the depth of field isn't as harsh but gradual and soft unlike regular full frame cameras or cropped sensors."
"I don't really know what means but thanks." I laugh.
She giggles. "Oh sorry, umm well I can explain it to you one day with examples... if you still want to know."
After a few more shots she tells me we're done and when I look at the time and we've only been here about an hour and fifteen minutes.
"Are you sure we're done?" I ask as she quickly goes through all the photos on the computer while kneeling on the floor.
"Yep." She says a little distractedly as she continues to go through them for a few minutes and then suddenly looks up at me with her magnetic blue eyes. "Sorry, yeah. We're totally done here. We got some good stuff. I took close to 700 photos, which means I'll have a decent selection for you and the editor to choose from. Now we gotta head back to your apartment for the rest of the shoot." She beams at me and quickly starts to pack up. I offer to help but she tells me it'll be faster if she does it alone. Which she does and I find that I've appropriately named her Speedy.
We get back to the apartment. I had let Gail know to prepare comfort food for lunch. We had stopped to grab quick beverages on the way back. I tried to get Ana to eat but she fought me on it and just munch on another granola bar while working on some quick edits on her computer. She actually wears glasses and I teased calling her nerd. She threatened to photoshop a huge zit on a close up photo of me and get it splashed on billboard after she got it trending on twitter in retaliation which made me laugh. She's creative; I'll give her that.
"Damn, I'd sell my soul for that car you have AND this mac and cheese, Lurch." She says laughing.
"Well, you can come by anytime to see them both." And to see me. Feel free to come see me anytime, Miss Steele. In fact, I insist on it.
"Careful, I could live in that car... and this building is my favorite by the way. When they first announced it, I looked at the website and fell in love. It's every photographers dream. The symmetry and the twenty-four 10x10 windows? Best idea ever. How do you get any work done or leave this place? I'd park myself by the window right there and never leave."
"You're right it is beautiful, even more so at night. The view is addictive. I own a few units in this and Elliot lives on 35th actually."
"Is he an annoying neighbor? Seems like he would be." She laughs.
"The worst... but he's my brother so I have to tolerate him." I smirk.
"Does Kate live with him?" I sense her nerves as she asks.
"Not yet and I'm not looking forward to it."
She quietly nods, focusing on her food and changes the topic. Tell me, Ana. What's on your mind?
"Are you serious?"
"Am I laughing?" She intones with a raised eyebrow.
"I've never done this."
"Lurch, were you ever a child or were you born with just one setting which had the disposition of a constipated CEO?
My jaw drops. "Excuse me?" the fuck did she just say to me?
"You heard me. Now get on the bed and jump like a child."
I don't move. I am not doing this.
"Okay fine, be that way. The other idea the editor had was to photograph you shirtless and shaving your face but I'm personally not into that because... it's pure vanity and what... we know you shave your face, obviously. The point it to show you doing things no one would expect... like jumping on a bed or frying eggs, which by the way we are making you do. Shirtless or with a shirt, that's up to you."
She stands with her arms crossed and a bored expression.
"You want to lie to the world by telling them I know how to fry eggs."
She facepalms. "Okay, follow me. We'll do another setup in the meantime."
She walks out of my bedroom, first woman ever to step foot in here outside of staff and family and it took every fiber of my being to not kiss her and... I will refrain from elaborating on that thought. She belongs here. She effortlessly fits right in.
She has me sit on the ledge of one of the windows and photographs angled close ups of me as options for the cover. I can tell she's annoyed because her brow is furrowed, it's adorable actually but she remains otherwise professional in her direction.
Soon enough, I relent and in fact do jump up and down on the bed like a child and I have to admit, it's fun. She stands on a chair on the foot of the bed and takes pictures as I jump, while she says the most random and ridiculous things to get a laugh out of me.
Thankfully, she didn't push for me to take my shirt off. I don't know if she saw my scars on Memorial Day... they're not that noticeable until you're close but still it was a relief she didn't push it. I attempted to fry eggs and it was a disaster. She caught pictures of me trying to dissipate the smoke by fanning it with a rag.
"Nothing is more hilarious than watching a billionaire fail miserably at trying to make fried eggs." She snickers sitting crossed legged on the counter. She's in a white buttoned down shirt and ripped jeans with her hair in a messy ponytail with flushed cheeks from laughing at me. Even in the simplest of clothes she's hot as fuck. God, I need to get laid soon.
I want more of this, with her.
"I'm never doing this again." I grumble and she jumps off, cackling.
Having her walk around in my apartment, a place that is my sanctuary, where no other woman has ever set foot in, feels natural. She's been in my room and the walk-in closet to discuss wardrobe options for some of the setups. She sat on the counter and clicked away while I shaved and we talked about funding issues for art in public schools. It all felt, ...right.
Is this what Theo was talking about?
Kid, with Ellie, everything made sense. Nothing ever felt forced or out of place. Even in silence it comfortable. We didn't always need to talk. Just being with each other was enough some times.
Our last setup of me sitting on a chair against a white wall with some lighting she's set up. I'm straddling the chair with my forearms stretched out and she takes some close ups and gives me the most ridiculous directions.
imagine Elliot running down broadway naked
Do you want me to throw up?
tell me the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you
Nothing ever embarrassing has happened to me. I'm perfect.
worst first date story
Every other date is a worst first date story.
Thank god, she's signed an NDA.
After our last setup, I insisted on dropping her off. She was going to take the train and given that she fought me on the breakfast point I held it over her and she rolled her eyes and gave in.
"Ya know, a girl could really get used to this luxurious personalized uber service, Lurch." She muses going through some of the shots on her computer.
I could get used to driving you around too, especially if it meant getting to spend time with you.
"Well, I'm glad to be of service." I smirk. She giggles and closes her computer and puts it in her bag and we continue to talk when after a while her phone rings and she groans before answering it.
"Yes Jack... no... I can't tomorrow... because I filled out your calendar with my availability the first day and I'm really not available tomorrow... Jack... look, jack... MR. HYDE... Yes, thank you for letting me speak... we discussed this early on that I cannot come in on weekends especially when it's on such short notice. If you had told me about this in advance then I could've made it happen... I have my own shoots and life to handle when I'm not working with you... then feel free to speak with Sheila. What I'm saying is completely within reason... if you feel that we are not a good fit then we can have a conversation with the Sheila and figure out a way to move forward..."
She hangs up and growls in frustration and rubs her face and takes deep breaths.
"What happened Ana?"
"Sorry, this is so unprofessional... please ignore what just happened."
"Well, we're off the clock if you think about it, plus you've been far more professional than some of the people I know in the business world. Don't worry about it."
She snorts. "I highly doubt that but thank you." She rubs her forehead and takes a deep breath. "I really hate my mentor. I know how ungrateful I probably sound but just his mere existence makes me want to punch a baby and I really love babies... so yeah."
"What does he want?" I should take out this fucker. She has more talent in her pinky than that asshole.
"He just thinks I'm at his beck and call. That this is his world I live in it and I'm like... no bitch, it ain't cause you ain't paying my bills or living my life... his work ethic is shit and... I can't really go into too much of it. I've signed an NDA." She mumbles.
"Do you feel like you're learning anything though?"
"Nope. I'm just learning about what not to do. I'm learning that men like him, white, obscenely privileged men like him will continue to perpetuate the problematic male gaze and continue to depict women as nothing more than vehicles for their own sexual pleasure. Don't get me wrong, I stepped down from being Mayor of Prude town years ago... I'm like mayor of 'do whatever the fuck you want' town but men like him just glorify this culture of how women are groomed in this porn culture to satisfy men. It's all about men. There is a way to photograph women in sexual way that's actually classy. Like... I get the purpose of shock value when it's to address a systemic issue but when it's to just further the pornographic consumer mentality then... I don't what the fuck they were thinking of pairing me with him." She closes her eyes pinches the bridge of her nose and continues in a low voice. "I'm so sorry I just went off on a rant there, I didn't mean to turn this into a therapy session... I should be better than letting him extract such an emotion out of me."
"Ana, you shouldn't continue on with him if you're uncomfortable and unhappy. Listen, I could make some calls..."
"Oh my god... no please. That's not what I mean. I'm fine... I really wanted this opportunity and I can stick this out, I need to network and show face at all these events and being part of this mentorship gets me in the door... besides, he already thinks I got here by riding on my dad's coattails which is ridiculous because I didn't. I've put in my time and did the grunt work, I learned from the best and... even if I don't like his work, I'm still learning... learning how to stand my ground and not take shit from overgrown toddlers." She giggles and I chuckle.
"I'm serious though, I can make some calls. I'd be happy to."
"I really appreciate that but I'm good. I just needed to vent... I get a little crabby when I'm tried." She laughs. "Thank you for listening to my ramblings, I appreciate it."
"Anytime." I smile but I'm still going to keep an eye on the fucker and ask Welch deep background check on him. "Does he know that you're shooting for GQ?"
"Hell no. I would never tell him. I'll just let him find out when the press release goes out, he'll probably tell me everything I did wrong or take credit for how far I've advanced under his tutelage... by the way, GQ has a similar issue. All their male covers are covered like nuns but every female cover star is 80% naked. It's all fucked up..." She rolls her eyes and groans. "And you know, this motherfucker ripped apart my portfolio, said my work was too safe and boring. Like, I'm sorry but not everyone out here is interested in shooting women on their knees with their mouths open while you give them a champagne facial."
I stifle a laugh at the sass in her tone. "You really hate this guy..."
"Hate is too kind a word right now, Christian." She grumbles.
She remained fairly quiet and lost in thought after that exchange going through my music library and songs she liked. Turns out we have similar taste after all. After a sitting in traffic for a little over 20 minutes due to an accident on the highway, I finally got her to Brooklyn and dropped her off at Katya's place.
"Thanks for dropping me off. You really don't have to be this nice." I hear her mumble while picking up her bags.
"Years of good manners instilled by Grace wouldn't allow me to let you take the train after such a long day."
"I'll be sure to send Grace a personalized thank you note then and say 'good job on the kids honey.'" She laughs.
"I'm sure she'd love that..." I walk with her to the brownstone stoop. "Thank you for a lovely day, Ana. I had fun... I'm afraid you've spoiled future editorial shoots for me." I smile.
She giggles. "I'm guess it's all down hill from here... sorry about that but I had a lot of fun too. Thank you for trusting my ideas. I'll come by your office on Wednesday afternoon like we discussed to finalize the previews before we send them out to GQ on Friday evening."
"I look forward to it." I lean down and give her kiss a little closer to the corner of her mouth and pull back a little and look into her eyes. She gives me a shy smile and nods while taking a step back.
"Get home safe and have a good rest of the weekend." She says and turns to climb up the steps.
Monday
APOV
I kept dreaming about freaking Christian Grey. WHY? UGH. Shut up, brain.
No, I know why this happened... because I spent the better part of yesterday going through his images. Katya joined me while I went through the culling process and kept howling like the hoe she is to annoy me while saying the following;
LOOK AT THOSE 'FUCK ME' EYES
TAP IT, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO ANA
HE WANTS YOU. HE IS WORKING THE CAMERA FOR YOU STEELE.
HE WANTS TO BE YOUR MUSE FOREVER BABY
HE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE READY FOR HIS CLOSE UP WITH YOU
Katya had a field day, night and weekend when I got back on Saturday evening. The snoopy bitch caught Christian kissing my cheek... okay no, he kissed the corner of my mouth... god damn player and it was hot... ANYWAY, Katya had way too much fun teasing me and planning our wedding when I specifically told her he's just being nice. Still, that didn't keep me from dreaming about my hand in his hair while he... well, let's just say my firework factory is open for business again.
I don't know. I mean I'm Mia's friend. He's probably just being a gentleman like Elliot. I don't want to read too much into this but then again, everything with him feels so easy. The conversation, the laughter the energy... I should just straight up ask him, but then I'd be crushed if he didn't see me more than just a friend. I'd pull up my big girl pants and get over it but I'd still be crushed. The first guy that I truly liked-ish and then to get shot down? Brutal if you ask me but not completely soul crushing either.
Jack has been the bane of my existence all day today. I want to murder the son of a bitch but I am a professional and I will stick this out. I wanted to throw up at the shoot today. We were shooting for the Agent Provacatuer naughty lingerie campaign today at his home studio. His idea was to simulate the beginnings of a sexual counter. A woman on her knees with her hands reaching up to eagerly unbutton his jeans but not going all the way obviously... cause that would be so scandalous. Massive eye roll. A picture of the model straddling him while he was on the floor... you get the idea. It was a small closed set with myself, Cruz his long time assistant and Jack who pranced around with his shirt off. The models seem quite eager to work with him, which you know, good for you. We sent some previews to the creative director who then facetimed called Jack and lost her mind over how amazing the shots were. The bitch is blind as a bat.
All in all, it was a long ass day and I couldn't wait to get home to wash my eyes out and soak in a disinfectant bath.
Being in an exceptionally horrible mood make you want to lash out at the world but I tried to keep my calm as I got on the train to head back home. I noticed out of the corner of my eye the same guy I've been clocking on and off for the past two weeks. I'm being followed again? I've done my best to change up my routes and where I sit on trains but this feels like...
When you've been taking the same train over similar routes for years, you tend to see the same people and even though you don't know each other, it's still a comfort to know that you're kind of all in this together. Every now then you'll notice someone new and they join your little commuter crew. However it is a rarity for any one of these people to actually get off the same stop you do in the city. Now, New York is a big place and if I'm seeing your face in my general area of work or recreation more than once... then motherfucker... you better have an explanation as to why.
I notice the same guy I've noticed near Jack's apartment. The diner and my neighborhood. As I said before this has happened previously and the only thing different now is that I'm fully equipped to take this bitch down. Also, wearing a Mets hate makes me want to punch you even more. The Yankess rule bro.
I get off at the stop before my usual one in Brooklyn and start walking randomly through different residential streets. I know he's following me because I stop every now and then and pretend to take a picture of a certain brownstone in front of me while I'm standing in profile view and look out the corner of my eye where he's about a block away. When I'm absolutely confident about where I am, I turn the corner out of his view and hide behind one of the cars.
Not again. I will not let this happen to me again. There is no way I'm letting fear run my life again.
A/N: oh shit but on a lighter notw. Let know what you think. P.S. for any of you wondering, Christian's apartment is in the 432 Park Avenue building in NYC. It's got kick ass views and I love it. The webiste has stunning images of the interiors and views.
Mariah: My name is Nadia. HI GIRL!
Casey: I'm sorry, I totally meant to reply to you in the last chapter. This is not based on the St. Francis Prep in NYC... I just randomly wrote the name of the school haha. This is more inspired by the prep school version in Gossip Girl.
Reds77: WELCOME! *hug*
Gowildcats: my mind is a weird place, I'm glad you appreciate and relate haha. *hug*
AnaSofia: good luck on those exams and come back soon.
To all the new followers and reviewers. You da best. Thank you so much. I love hearing your thoughts. They are the encouragement and excitement that keeps me going. I'm glad you all like this version of Mia. She's going to make an appearance again in the next chapter and about to break out a can of emotional whoop ass over a certain Grey brother.