Chapter song: Trust – Alina Baraz

Chapter 13 – Trust, can you trust me?

APOV

Tuesday Morning, EST

Alright, so a couple of updates from the weekend. Ya girl got her first big O... from an actual man and not just any man... CHRISTIAN GREY. Cue the literal fireworks!

Goodbye vibrator... actually no, i should still keep you. You never know what could happen. Always be prepared.

After a few more minutes of some sweet kisses, I got a list of marching orders from the CEO himself. I was going to have security with me at all times. He had arranged for said security to drive me everywhere. A little excessive if you ask me since traffic in New York is a bitch and a half but I was able to negotiate a halfsies of sorts. Depending on the time of the day, I'd take the train since it would be quicker. I'm still working out the kinks on that little plan. I was also to keep my phone with me at all times and improve my texting etiquette. To be honest, I can't help it. Sometimes when I get a text, I reply to it in my brain and the actual act of typing out the words in the message window gets lost and then I remember hours later. The only people I respond to at the speed of lightening are Katya, Reen, JR and obviously, Dad. Still, if Christian was going to be in my life in some way, whether temporarily or... I can't think that far ahead... anyway, I promised to be better at responding to him.

He had a few other stipulations, which I stood firmly against, like staying at his apartment which.. I mean I would love to but that's weird.. and every time I tried to counter he'd silence me with one of his orgasmic kisses. I don't like the effect he has on me... in case you're wondering, I won the negotiations for the most part. I already had my orgasm, I was satisfied enough. Ir you think about it, he didn't think it through.

Monday morning, my assigned CPO Teresa Prescott came to pick me up. I like her, she's sweet but I also suspect very deadly. The sweet ones always are, case in point, MOI. We got along swimmingly. The guy who drove us to Jack's studio was Reynolds. He didn't give me his first name and I suspect he isn't too much into talking.

Luke Sawyer, the guy who I fucked up like a meat tenderizer, came by for lunch today on my insistence. I wanted to apologize. We went to a nearby sandwich shop with Prescott in tow.

"Thanks for meeting me. I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry for whacking you." Even though it felt really good to. I said with a tight smile.

"No need, you were doing what you felt was appropriate and rightly so. You've got a good arm." He smirked before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"I know... still, now that I know who you are. I felt like I should, though, we can lay the blame of this entire situation solely on your boss. You should ask for a big ass raise."

He laughed and winced a tiny bit from the pain in his back. "I'm good with that." He took a sip of his drink and we talked about his years in service. Prescott used to be in the FBI but left after 10 years. The money was shit and she needed a better paying option to help with paying for her father's care since he was suffering from Alzheimer's. It was a sobering conversation all around but I'm glad I got to know them a little bit. I don't know where this thing with Christian is going but I might as well make the most of my experience, right?

In regards to Elliot and Katya, well... hold on to your knickers because guess what? NOTHING HAPPENED.

I mean, Elliot obviously wants A LOT to happen but Katya is gonna make him work for it. He also just broke up with Kate. We need a little breathing time. Air it out, bro. She literally asked him to get tested which made me cackle like the wicked witch of the west because alluding to the fact that Katherine Kavanagh is a walking STD is just priceless. For now, they've agreed to meet in private and just talk to get to know each other. Katya is not comfortable meeting him out in public this quickly after his breakup or moving forward sexually. Between you and me, this is her way to absolutely make sure that Kate is out of the picture, especially in terms of optics and how Kavanagh Media runs this town and a huge part of this country, Fox news anyone? No one wants to be the recipient of the abuse that people can hurl at you when they choose to believe that you're the other hoe.

JR and Hannah have hit it off, the poor boy is still a virgin but there is hope. They both kept talking to each other when they woke up the next morning at my place and JR met her for lunch yesterday and today. JR AND HANNAH SITTING ON A TREEEEEEEEE.

Sorry, I'll stop.

Last night, when Prescott dropped me home she took out a small basket and carried it up the stairs with me to the front door. It was a care package from Christian. With a nice bottle of wine and a variety of spa essentials from Jo Malone's bath and body collection. All were rose flavored with some citrus ones too, along with a sweet handwritten note that read

Dearest Ana,

I have much to make up for given the week you had. Here's a little something to help you relax after a long day at work while I'm away this week. I promise to help you completely relax on Friday night. Sleep well, beautiful.

Christian X

Just reading the note got me all giddy. FRIDAY NIGHT. I shall be a virgin no more before the weekend! YASSS.

I need to tell him that I'm a virgin. Katya assures me that it will be fine but in my experience it's been disastrous. We shall see.

Later that evening

I got home this evening with the sole purpose of having a night off from staring at the computer screen. I had a shit ton to edit last night so my bath time excursion was a quick shower but this evening was going to be some me time. I fill up the bathtub and get it all nice and bubbly and settle in with my third glass of fancy pants wine. Yep, definitely feeling it now. Also because, I still haven't eaten dinner yet but whatever. I try to not let the many voices in my mind wander too much because one of them is a wedding and family planner and I am not in the mood to hear from her tonight. I pick up my phone and open up the message window from Christian. His last text read 'glad you're home baby, I miss you too.'

I used to groan when couples around me called each other baby and yet here I am, loving it. In my very happy and buzzed state I decide to send Christian a rather suggestive... okay so it's not all that suggestive from a sexual standpoint. I mean, it's my knees resting against the inner wall of the tub with my hand seemingly sliding down between both legs, it was just the mere suggestion of what I am alluding to (okay, I totally took care of myself). His imagination can fill in the blanks. So I send it. I sent my first SEXT! God, I am pathetic as fuck.

I don't hear from him, which I knew would be the case since it was about 1AM his time. So a few minutes after I wash myself off and put my robe on to walk to my bedroom and slip into my sleep uniform which is a pair of cotton shorts and an oversized tee. I like to keep is tastefully airy... anyway, suddenly I hear the phone and it's a facetime call from Christian... oh shit.

"Miss Steele, what was the purpose of that picture?" he asks with a smirk even though his tone seems a little reprimanding it makes me giggle even more.

"Use your imagination, Mr. Grey. One would think you've got a good handle on your imagination given how successful you are." I laugh. He was laying in bed shirtless. GOD DAMMIT, the pornstar voice in my head is screaming at me.

"Baby, I've got a very good handle on something for sure. Tell me, Anastasia... did you touch yourself."

I shrugged. "Maybe." I totally did and have often done so ever since I've met him.

"Why?"

"Just cause, was thinking about this guy I know."

"And this guy you know... he makes you feel a certain way?"

I nod and giggle.

"How many glasses of wine have you had, Anastasia?"

"Three." I gulp and bite my lip from laughing again.

"You're not playing fair. First you send me a very suggestive picture, then you can't stop giggling, have had too much wine which I'm guessing is on a fairly empty stomach and now you're biting your lip... you're making it very hard to be geographically challenged."

"Not my fault you had to fly out." I fall on the bed and place the phone on the small tripod that's on my side table. I pull a pillow in front of me and hug it as I talk to him. Maybe it's the wine talking but I really do miss him. How can I feel that way about someone I barely know? Sure, I've talked to him more than any guy I've been on a date with. It's so effortless with him. I need to shut down the sabotage voice in my head.

We talk about our day and soon, I start to feel sleepy. He reprimands me again and tells me I'm not allowed to sleep without dinner. Whatever, bossy pants. I promise him I won't and then suddenly the conversation makes a quick turn into phone sex lane. Another first! I'm sure he's done it a bunch of times... I mean, look at him.

Don't judge me. I mean yes, I'm 22 and I've been on 46 first dates in the last 2 and half years. Out of which only 7 made it to second date category and I've had 3 false starts into 'lose virginity' territory. It's not easy. There are some real weirdos out there.

The man knows what he wants and how to get it... or get off. See what I did there. I'm so hilarious.

Anyway, after making me cum and moan like a pornstar, which... I couldn't help, he makes me feel things... he told me he was going to spank me for touching myself without him. Uh, newsflash bro... it's the 21st century and I can tickle my fancy or light up my firework factory however and whenever I want. I kept thought to myself, I'd rather say it in person, I enjoy making him speechless. Also, spank me? If that's the case then Lil Karma is coming out to play.

CPOV

Wednesday night, GMT

London is a shit show but I've managed to somewhat salvage the deal Ros and I have been working months on to acquire this tech company. This is why I hate dealing with kids in the tech industry sometimes.

I get security updates on Ana throughout the day. She's gotten much better at texting. Her little sexting stunt was quite the surprise on Monday night. Wine is definitely the key to opening her up. She seems a little more relaxed now and I like seeing the shy side to her. Will she still be a pain in my ass when it comes to my dominant tendencies? Sure but it might make this journey with her a little more fun.

After making the last of my notes on the current contract we're due to sign tomorrow afternoon, I email my legal department and switch off my laptop to try and get some shut eye before the nightmares ultimately wake me up. Falling asleep after talking to Ana can sometimes help a bit. I'll end up sleeping for a little longer but not long enough.

I close my eyes and go over some unresolved issues that need to be addressed here at the London office when I hear the ding of a text message. I rub my eyes and pick up the phone. It's 2:30am. I've been in bed for 2 hours it seems. I see it's a message from Ana. I open it and fuck, this girl is out to kill me. It's a close up of her lips sucking the tips of her two fingers with the message that reads 'it tastes better when I cum after thinking about you.'

She wants me to cry. That's what she wants. She wants me on my knees begging her and I'll gladly live there.

I immediately call her and she answers with a sweet smile.

"You're driving me crazy here." I growl.

"I guess your little present from Saturday backfired on you." She sasses.

"You think I'm joking but I will spank you Anastasia."

"Really? With what? Cause the way I see it, you'll be on your ass faster than you can raise that twitching palm of yours... and don't even try Grey cause we know how fast I am." She smiles and bats her eyes at me.

Now I really want, no... I need to fuck her. No woman has ever had me this wound up or excited. Heck, even the lifestyle was never this exciting or satisfying. Which reminds me... I need to tell her about that too before we go any further. In which case, Friday could end up being a disaster.

"Except this time I'll be ready so chances are, you'll be on your ass while I'm on top of you." I smirk and she laughs out loud and rolls her eyes.

We talk about our day and she's unable to share much of hers due to the NDA with Jack but her facial expression tells me all that I need to know. She's unhappy but she hides it well with humor. The security reports tell me the same story. Her mood is relatively grim while she goes out for work errands but improves significantly on her way home or to the Diner.

"Baby, I can tell you're not happy... "

"What do you mean?"

"Working with Jack. You should drop out of the program. After the GQ cover, I'm sure you'll get offers left and right. Harpers Bazaar already reached out to you."

"Christian, do you know how many people applied for this position from across the country and world? 35000 and I got selected. I can't just drop out because I couldn't get a handle on my feelings. That's stupid. It would look like I couldn't handle it... and I can handle it. Maybe if he took a shower once in a while it wouldn't be so bad."

"I know but you're exceptional at what you do. You don't need his mentorship."

"Well, for starters, you're biased. Secondly, I can stick it out. I don't want these editors who basically run the entire fashion landscape to see me in a bad or weak light. These are the people who are going to hire me and if word spreads around that I'm a little girl who couldn't handle an industry darling's mentorship then I might as well close up shop. I want to create meaningful imagery and granted I'm stuck with a pig of a man but there's still something to be learned." She rubs her face and reaches to pick up something to eat.

"What are you eating?"

"Apple pie." She says with her mouthful and laughs.

"Can you make some for me for Friday?"

"I was actually going to make you chocolate cake but..."

"Fine, chocolate cake." I immediately answer and she laughs at my enthusiasm.

I'm going to eat that cake off her.

APOV

Friday evening

I'm on my way to Casa Grey. Dressing up for this 'date' was the most nerve-wracking experience known to mankind because Katya was right at the center of that hurricane of nerves coursing through me.

I was made to get a wax on Wednesday evening after work. Katya went ahead and ordered me some La Perla. I need to take away my credit card from her. By the way, the remainder of the GQ payment came in and your girl is rich. When we talked about budget initially they said $30,000 was the best that they could do for the feature. This is the most I've ever been paid for a job and so I accepted. I probably got gypped but I'm still learning.

I know... I'm in shock too. 30 g's... I took my bitches out for a fancy dinner last night... some italian restaurant that Katya picked. I didn't care, I was only there to pay.

Anyway back to my playing dress up. I've kept my hair open and my usual wavy style and with some minimal makeup. I'm wearing a silk slip dress, which is essentially the same dress I wore to the Elle feature launch but this one is in pale pink. Katya got this dress in 4 different colors from a brand that wanted her to do a sponsored post. I'm reaping the benefits of her being a micro-influencer. At 500k followers and counting she better fucking be getting free shit that I can benefit from as well.

So here I am. Free dress? Check. Expensive lingerie? Check. Katya's incessant yapping buzzing around in my brain? Check.

Trust me, he's going to rip this dress off of you the minute he sees you. Hell, he might just fuck you in the foyer. I would too if I swung the other way.

Don't be nervous. Be yourself... but like be 20% cause you at a full 100% is a little too much.

The fact that he went down on you just for funsies means homeboy is going to make sure he rocks your world before he has his own fun. Trust me, that's how you know he's a keeper. There aren't many of them out there.

And most of all, try to relax. Don't let the Kavanagh situation put a damper on the evening. He seems really sweet so just go with the flow.

I lose myself on the car ride to his place, trying to calm my nerves. Soon enough we arrive at the front of the building and Prescott escorts me up and takes the cake from me to put in the kitchen. I'm free to walk around I guess so I make my way to the big windows and decide to take some pictures with my phone. Getting a kickass view of downtown at golden hour? Grade A instagram content. I can hear Running by Jessie Ware on the sound system play on low. I love her music. I get lost in thought for a few minutes till I realize I've been here a while... is he making me wait again? Oh hell no. I turn around and I see him standing with his hands in his pockets just staring in my direction, which scares the living fuck out of me and then makes me giggle and laugh uncontrollably.

Fun fact, when I'm nervous either I'm quiet as a mouse or I laugh too much.

He smiles and slowly walks over to me as I try to control my laughter. He's in a dark grey suit with a white shirt that has the top two buttons undone. FEEL FREE TO RIP MY DRESS OFF PLEASE. The closer he gets the more I feel like the air around us is crackling with energy. Before I can even say anything, his hands are on my face and his lips are crashing against mine. I call out his name in between kisses. His one hand moves to the nape of my neck and the travels down to my ass and pushes me into him. I hear him groan while he tries to consume me completely. I wrap my arms around his neck returning the kiss with equal passion. I missed him. I missed his touch, his scent, his laugh... his voice. I missed him.

He breaks away but his lips still hover over mine. "You look so fucking beautiful standing here in my space. I have half a mind to fuck you right here given your little stunts throughout this week, but I want to make sure you've eaten..."

I nod and try to form a coherent thought. The voice of reason blares through my brain with a megaphone. That bitch is always out to ruin the party. "we also need to talk..." he nods.

He rolls his hips into me and I feel his erection ready to go. "This dress makes it hard for me to focus, Miss Steele."

On the subject of how men operate:

Katya: 192849035398

Ana: 0

Again.

"Would you like me to take it off then?" I whisper holding his gaze and he smirks before kissing me hard.

He presses his forehead to mine. "I missed you so much." I hear such emotion in his voice that it almost scares me.

Don't get ahead of yourself, Ana. You still don't know what this all really is.

You mean more than that to me. I want to protect you and I want to be with you.

I try to remind myself of his words from Saturday night and use them as my guiding compass to navigate tonight. "Same here, Mr. Grey."

CPOV

I introduced Ana to Gail and she begged her to share the recipe to her mac and cheese. Another one to join Gail's fan club and she seems pretty pleased with herself.

Dinner was as engaging with her just as I thought it would be. It didn't feel like a date, I guess it wasn't. She told me stories of her and Katya growing up while I told her about Theo and his orchard upstate. Conversation flowed like it always does. We talk about what I guess is normal date stuff, favorite movies, music, places you want to visit, except with her it's not boring. Every now and then I can tell she's a little nervous, she goes quiet and focuses a lot on the wine. Once we're done with dinner and dessert, which by the way... fantastic chocolate cake which I unfortunately couldn't eat off of her... one day I will. We walked over to the living room and sat on the couch with another bottle of wine. We sat a little closer this time facing each other with arms propped on the couch.

"So, I guess, this is the part of the night we I tell you the not so fun stuff, huh?" she laughs a little and takes a sip of her wine, stealing her eyes away from me.

"There's some stuff I wanted to share with you too." I admit.

She nods and starts chewing her bottom lip. "Is this something fleeting for you? Because if it is, I'm okay with that... I just like to know the... parameters, if you will. Managing expectations is important."

"I'm not looking for something fleeting, Ana. I know it may seem like I'm a playboy because I date a lot according to the media or whatever but honestly, I've been trying to find something... meaningful. I would never hurt you, if that's what you're thinking."

"I appreciate you saying that. I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Not really sure if I'm relationship material but for some reason... things with you feel different. I've never been able to talk a guy so easily. Mostly it's been guys talking at me. I've dated a bit but I've rarely ever gone past a first date. Almost never beyond a second date... I think my attention span is very... well I've just been really focused on trying to make it in this industry. Not to mention having trust issues in general."

"I can understand that. It's easy talking to you and feeling... normal, I guess. I was looking for that and I didn't find it till we met." I lean and give her a small kiss.

"Don't distract me, Mr. Grey." She whispers with a smile. I chuckle and kiss her again before pulling away.

"Have you thought about what we talked about last weekend?" She nods and takes a deep breath and then proceeds to fill her glass with some more wine.

"I need a little more liquid courage if I'm going to back to that part of my life... I swear I'm not an alcoholic." She laughs.

I hold her hand and give it a light squeeze. "You can trust me, Ana. I won't hurt you." She looks back with a small smile but I see the fear and apprehension in her eyes.

"I'm guessing you got a background check done on me?" I nod. I feel like I've been caught red handed and I'm almost a little embarrassed but I still stand by my decision. "Who else knows about what you found?"

I answer truthfully and tell her that Elliot and Mia know along my security team. She looks away and I can tell she's not happy. I tell her that Elliot came to me with Kate's story of her mental instability about her and I countered with the information that I found out about her to show him that Kate was lying.

"Of course she told him that. She uses people's mental health and emotions against them. That's her MO. By the way, I was not mentally unstable. What she is referring to is the grief I was dealing with. My mom died in the middle of the school year and yes I was a mess. I confided in her and she used that against me." She pauses and takes a shuddering breath and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I'm going to just get right into it. It's long but just hear me out, okay?"

I nod and signal her to continue.

"My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 11. It got worse by the time I got a scholarship into St. Francis. I have a late birthday so I turned 13 right after I got in. My mom died a few months after I started at the school. Kate was a junior and she was assigned to me as my mentor-point person for my first year in a way. She was nice to me, we actually got along and I thought she was cool. I got a long with her friends too and soon I was in her group. My mom died in the spring of my freshman year. It was hard but I did my best to keep up. I used to hang out at her place after school since she lived right across the park on the west side. So we'd hangout and do homework or go out to eat... stuff like that. During this time, I got close with her Mom, Agnes. She was such a sweetheart to me and after my mom died, my dad was heartbroken and travelling for work to support us and Reen was just devastated. It didn't help that I looked like my mom so I just felt guilty in a way. With Kate's mom is was like having a mom like figure who wasn't so heartbroken... does that make sense?"

I nod and she continues. "By the time my sophomore year started, I was really close with the Kavanagh's. They were like a second family almost. Kate's mom would do two weeks in DC and two weeks out in New York while Kate was still in school. Her older brother, Ethan was at Yale or something. I don't even remember... anyway, one afternoon when we had come back to her place from school. Kate's mom I think was out for some spa appointment and a bunch of us girls were home alone. We were watching a movie in the basement when I went up to the kitchen to get some water. I heard muffled noises coming from what I knew was the study. I followed the noise and the door was a little open and I saw her dad getting really well acquainted with his intern as she lay on his desk and she vocalized her daddy issues in return."

"What the fuck?"

She takes a big gulp of her wine. "Yep. Took years of therapy to put that nugget back in pandoras box."

"How old was the intern?"

"She was in her third year of college I think. She used to be Kate's senior at prep school. Gia Matteo. The families knew one another and she had taken a year off of school to work with the Senator, by the way... Eamon Kavanagh, preferred to be called Senator at all times by non family members. I had talked to Gia often... she was sweet, a little too sweet I guess."

"He's a fucking prick." I've never liked him. I never knew him when was a businessman but word travels around that he was a piece of shit. No doubt he's the same in DC.

"I know... anyway, I was kind of frozen for like a minute or two... I quickly snapped out of it and ran back to the basement. I was shocked, angry and sad for Kate and Agnes. And mind you, I was home schooled so my barometer for navigating relationships was shit... I had told Katya and she lost her mind. She told me to keep it to myself but I couldn't. I felt so guilty, so I told Kate a week later and she was at first numb and then she hugged me. I told her we needed to tell her mom because she didn't deserve this betrayal, that she deserved to be happy... I mean, my parents had a wonderful marriage..." She looks away and takes a few moments. "So, yeah I told her and everything seemed normal at first then suddenly Kate started avoiding me, she wouldn't answer my calls or texts. I would try to talk to her in school and she'd avoid me. She was mean to me in front of everyone at one point and it crushed me. She was like you're so fucking annoying, leave me the fuck alone. You're obsessed with me. She humiliated me in front of everyone. So I backed off. It was soul crushing at the time. Then a week later, she apologized to me in private and said she wanted to make it up to me and that she was going to tell her mom when she came back from DC. I told her I'd support her if she needed me to.

She invited me over for a party at her place. Her parents were away. It was Saturday night. JR had started at St. Francis too as a freshman, he's a genius kid so he was like barely 12 years old but light years ahead of his time academically. He soon has the whole place rigged and was making money doing student's homework... he was wired. Anyway, this party we both got invited to. I knew him so we were good friends. At the party there were also people from the prep school on the west side, I knew of them but had never met them. There was alcohol at this party and I had stuff to drink. I don't remember much but basically what happened is based on what JR told me is that I started acting funny. We don't have proof that Kate did this but it was clear that there was something in my drink. I was not coherent and they took me into the basement with other guys and Kate got me on tape." Her voice wavers but she controls herself.

"Ana... baby... " God, no... Please, no.

"No, it's not what you're thinking... but it's still pretty fucking horrible. They recorded her making me cry by talking about my mom. She was like are you a sad girl, did your mommy die? And I started crying and then she asked me, do you want to be happy Ana Rose? I used to go by the name because I thought it was fucking romantic like a Jane Austen novel... I had this really romantic idea about the world because of my parents, they were real hippies like that... So as I was saying, she's like does Ana Rose want to be happy? and I nodded and she said that if I gave every guy in the room a blowjob that it would make me happy. They all started chanting;

Ana Ana full of woes, Ana Ana such an eager hoe.

I didn't know what the fuck was going on and they ripped my shirt off and before the first guy could do anything, JR started pounding the door and said the cops came. JR is really good with tech, he can hack into almost anything and he saw Kate plying me with alcohol. He tried to get me to stop but she told him to fuck off so he hacked into the CCTV and kept tabs on what was happening from Ethan's room. He called the cops and then ran down to the basement and alerted everyone. People started leaving and he covered me with his jacket and we hid in the mechanical room. I was completely out of it. An hour or two later when it was quiet, JR helped me out of Kate's house and took me home and tucked me into his bed. He spent the remainder of the night hacking into everyone's phones and facebook to either erase or take down the video. Thankfully not many people had it so it was relatively easy for him. He still has a copy of the videos. There's none that shows Kate speaking but you can hear her voice in the video. He tried getting into Kate's phone but he wasn't able to. The CCTV footage we have isn't great either. I remember very little, I just know all this from one of the cellphone videos JR got a hold off."

"I'm so sorry baby..." I'm going to bury that bitch. That fucking bitch. I'm going to text Welch tonight to look into Gia Matteo and get all the dirt he can on the Kavanghs. I am going to bring them all down.

She shrugs. "It's okay, I'm fine now. It was really hard that first year but I got over it eventually. I tried to confront Kate at school but she just laughed in my face and said I was lying. I went to file a complaint against her but they told me there was a complaint against me that was made earlier that morning that I was harassing her. I told my dad and we brought up what happened with the school but the school wasn't on our side. They turned it around on me, so we told them we were going to sue. Kavanagh's lawyers met with us and strong-armed us into a settlement. They said we could totally go to court but it wouldn't be wise to go against a media conglomerate and a Senator. That even if we could get a trial and keep us all anonymous given that we were minors, the video could still leak and my name would be posted everywhere. It would affect my college applications, my future employment even dad's assignments. My dad told me we could still fight it but I got scared. I just wanted it to end. So I told dad to take the settlement and we signed an agreement that I would never come with 100 feet of any of the Kavanaghs or tell anyone about this. Meanwhile Agnes had no clue as to what was happening. She would call me and I wouldn't respond. She probably hates me. Kate was a bitch of a daughter, she was always daddy's girl... she ultimately chose all of that over her mom. It's also why I freaked out on the dance floor last weekend. I saw Ethan Kavanagh at the bar."

He's a fucking piece of shit too.

"That's why you left on Memorial Day weekend, right?"

"I'm really sorry for lying to you all but she threatened me with a restraining order when I went into Mia's room. I didn't want to cause any trouble so I made up an excuse to leave. I'm really sorry I made you drive all the back." She says with a heavy voice.

I pull her close to me and kiss her. "It's okay, baby. I got to spend time with you... I wouldn't trade it for anything." She looks down and her lips quiver a little but she purses them together. "They had you followed?"

Her voice breaks a little as she speaks but she doesn't cry. "Yeah, for the duration that we didn't accept the settlement, I noticed I was being followed wherever I went. I knew self-defense but I was still a kid and I was scared, my emotions were all over the place... as soon as we agreed to the settlement, it all stopped. I left St. Francis and went with my dad on his assignments till the new high school term started and I went to regular high school in Brooklyn... I later read that Kavanagh Media was in the middle of trying buy out MBC in a huge deal. It was also Kavanagh's re-election year... the FCC was against the deal. So if it came out that he was fucking an intern and that his daughter got another girl drunk and sexually assaulted... well that would've been bad for business all around."

"Except, he got re-elected and Kavanagh Media was eventually able to buy out MBC." I muse. She nods. "I'm going to bury her Ana. She's a fucking bitch. I suspected she was a piece of shit but Elliot never believed us."

"Please don't tell anyone. I trust you with this information. I don't want her to come after me or the people I love."

"I'll protect you, Ana."

"As long as I don't stir shit, you won't have to. Please. Just keep this to yourself." She pleads with her beautiful blue eyes. I lock her in a kiss but resolve to do whatever I can to bring those pieces of shit down.

"You're so brave." I kiss her forehead.

She snorts. "I don't feel brave. They bought my silence and I let her run my life as of late..."

"Well she's out of our lives. Elliot ditched her after I told him about the settlement."

"Katya is definitely going to love this. She's been wanting to murder Kate ever since this all happened. JR too." She laughs and shakes her head. We're silent for a few moments when she looks up at me. "What about you Mr. Grey... what did you want to tell me?"

"I wanted to apologize again about not telling that I had security on you. I should've told you before. When that incident happened with Sawyer I was so proud of you and equally scared that you might kill me. I almost drove out to see you but Mia stopped me. She said that if I wanted any semblance of a chance with you that I had to be smart about it. Which again, I fucked up."

She laughs out loud. "Yep, you kept fucking up... you are so lucky I didn't have my stun gun at the club."

"I'm not that keen on meeting Lil Karma..."

"Really, cause she would love to meet you, she loves meeting new people." She giggles and kisses the corner of my mouth. She looks into my eyes and I realize that it's now or never.

I take a deep breath and pray to a god I don't believe in for some strength. "About what I want to tell you, can you promise me you'll keep an open mind? I'm about to tell you some stuff that no one aside from my therapist knows. Elliot knows a little but otherwise my family doesn't know anything."

"I promise." She says with unbridled sincerity and I believe her.

I tell her in bullet points about Ella and the abuse. How Elena roped me into the lifestyle after getting kicked out of my third school. How she made me believe I wasn't worthy of love and my family. How I kept them at arms length and I was her submissive for 6 years and then became a Dominant after I dropped out of Harvard at 19 and remained in the lifestyle till I was 26. I tell her with this apartment I wanted to start anew and left behind the playroom and that she's the first woman outside of family and staff to even set foot in my bedroom.

She keeps her head down and plays with her knotted hands for the most part. A part of me is grateful she doesn't look at me when I tell her everything. When I'm done I see her biting her bottom lip in what seems like contemplation.

"This woman, is she still in your life?" she finally asks looking at me.

"Not in the way she used to be. For the longest time I considered her the only thing close to a friend as I could have but with therapy and after my grandfather's death, I've realized it was all manipulation. That it was rape. I got out of business with her and told her to leave me alone. I'll still see her around at charity functions but she knows better than to cross my path unnecessarily."

"Good, cause otherwise I'd zap the bitch troll's neck and fry her brain." She grits out and I laugh.

I pull her in for a kiss. "I have no doubt you would, Speedy."

"Can I hug you? If not, that's okay... I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable if you don't like being touched."

I smile at her. "I'd like that." She leans up and wraps her around me neck and hugs me tight.

Kid, the right woman, even if she doesn't know what to say, she'll know what to do to make you feel better... and no, I'm not talking about the sex. Keep that mind of the gutter.

"You're the brave one, Mr. Grey. It's not easy to admit that you were taken advantage of but you've come so far and you're trying to change your life." She whispers and then gives me a small kiss. I hold her tight and deepen the kiss but she pulls away. "I have some questions... is that okay?"

"Yeah of course, you can ask whatever you want."

"How many submissives did you have minus the bitch troll?"

"10"

"Do you miss the lifestyle?"

"To be honest, until the moment we met, I had been considering going back into it because dating was a complete shit show. Everyone I met seemed superficial and the lack of sex was starting to get to me."

"Hold up, so you haven't had sex in the last two years?" She's clearly alarmed and it makes me want to laugh but I control the urge.

"No I have but it was always a less than satisfactory experience..."

Her mouth forms into an O as she quietly nods and looks away. "Do you want that from me? Aspects of the lifestyle cause I'm telling you right now, I am not submissive material... and all that spanking shit you were talking about... forget it."

I bark out a laugh. "Trust me, I know you're not submissive material and I find that exciting. You're the only woman outside of my family who I let walk all over me, Miss Steele... but trust me, I will spank you and what's more... you'll love it and beg me to do it, often."

I hear her breath catch but she playfully narrows her eyes at me before sticking her tongue out.

'If you aren't comfortable with being touched, then isn't it difficult for you to be intimate with women outside of the lifestyle?"

"It was. Even when I dated, if a woman even touched my arm... I would recoil internally. Sex, if it ever got to that point was always with some form of restraint. I'd tie their hands, never have them face to face... I couldn't risk it. I always kept my shirt on."

She swallows and nods. "But, I touched, you... I mean... granted I never touched your chest or your back but... last week when we kissed and... oh fuck, I'm such an asshole. I just realized what I did when I reacted at the club. I'm sorry... fuck..."

I cup her face and stroke her cheek. "Hey... it's okay. You didn't touch my chest at all... and you did what you had to do. You were angry and I don't blame you at all for what you did. As I said, it was kinda hot." I smirk and she rolls her eyes. "I should spank you for your eye rolling too." Before she opens her mouth I lock her in a kiss and she breaks away giggling. "Your touch means more to me... I've never felt this way before." I hold her hand and bring it to my lips.

"Me either." She breathes with a shy smile. "It's like... Katya says it's like electricity between two people. You only feel it with that one person. She felt it with Elliot but she's scared you know..."

"Theo, my grandfather, called it a spark. And he felt it with her too which is why he can't let go either" I smile. "And, I've only ever felt it with you, Ana." I kiss her and slowly deepen it. She moans and I move to pull her on top of me but she stops me mid kiss and pulls away.

"Sorry... um, I need to tell you something before we go any further." She's nervous all of a sudden.

A million thoughts are running through my mind. Did I fuck up? Is it the lifestyle shit.

"Okay... you can tell me anything."

"Um..." she squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath and then looks me straight in the eyes. "I'm a virgin."

"I'm sorry... what?"

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?

WHAT

THE

FUCKING

FUCK?

A

VIRGIN?

A/N: I promise we'll have some more comedy in the next chapter but till then, who wants to murder Kate? Tell me your thoughts Fanfic Familia!

I wanted to separate their date night into two chapters. A quick note, I don't have these chapters pre-written. I just have the general outlines done where I jot down ideas of what i'd like to explore. I wrote this chapter in the last 3 hours haha. So this story is literally unfolding in front of your eyes and mine.

gowildcats: as usual, your review made me L O L. I look forward to them.

mineangels2; SAME HERE... one orgasmic kiss to go!

stayseeh: massive hugs. thank you!

guest: hi, i'm sorry for the delay in updates. your reviews made me smile and laugh... i'm so humbled you like the story and that you're not above begging lol. just kidding. next time please leave a review with your initials at least, since a lot fo people leave a review under 'guest'. I like to respond to everyone the best I can.

To everyone else: thank you so freaking much for revewing. I'm so glad you liked the last chapter. I did not anticipate it ending the way it did but once I started writing the vibes just flowed. to the new followers of this story, HIIII! Welcome to the ramblings of my mind.