8

Light was still not talking to him.

They had another fight. This time, it was in front of everyone.

L was already a bit cranky at the start of the day, barely getting any sleep just the night before due to overthinking and his repressed frustrations, so he decided to just go along with his depressive mood.

Light, who was forced to have a date with Misa was trying not to get awkward with anyone but still not interested in responding to Misa's feelings, tried to have a conversation with L.

L did not want anything to do with Light at the moment. He was the one who was the cause of all his frustrations, after all, and wanted to get even with him. But when Light started going on again with the Kira case, he just got so annoyed that he deflected all of Light's answers with rude comments, and ended up with a fist fight with him, followed by an ear piercing scream from Misa to stop whatever it is they were doing, and an unnecessary call from Matsuda.

They were on time out after that, and L called it a day and let the other task members continue on as they went back to their room, with Light remaining completely silent all the while.

He did not say a word to him as he changed clothes, did his nightly ritual and got in bed.

Light turned his back on him at all times, which was a bit childish and not like him at all. L decided to just let it go and let Light sleep off his anger, but he found out that he also could not work on the case on top of that, because he was also in a terrible mood. It has been very unproductive since they had been in this building, and it was all Light's fault.

L just breathed curses under his breath and called it a day, in the hope of waking up a bit earlier the next morning. However, his plans were again foiled when Light did not immediately got out off bed the next day.

"Raito-kun, wake up", he turned to shake the teen. Light was still sleeping. Something seemed wrong. He was breathing heavily, and was sweating and face flushed. L put a hand on his forehead. He has a fever.

He called Watari and asked him to see how Light was doing. The older man confirmed that he was indeed sick, which means he needs complete bed rest for the whole day. Watari offered to look after Light in lieu of the detective and go ahead with the investigation, but L insisted.

"The cuffs are still on", he insisted. "I will take care of him, instead"

Watari did not say another word as he handed him a couple of medications and instructed him to keep Light's head cool.

He watched him all day that day. L's observation skills were put to the test needless to say. By mid-day he was able to spot when Light was having a nightmare and can immediately soothe him. He was able to wake up a bit during that time. Light looked a bit embarrassed at how L was taking care of him.

"I'm sorry for being difficult, L" he said quietly.

"I'm also at fault, Raito-kun. Please, take care of yourself today"

Light could feel his face flush. He remembered the last time he got sick and got his mother all worried. He didn't want to become a burden so he kept all his illness to himself that day. L did not have to do this. Not when he was being suspected of being Kira.

L embraced him again, trying to calm him down.

"No, you might get sick too"

"Then that will be your turn to take care of me, Raito-kun"

He allowed L to hug him longer. But he remained silent.

"What are you thinking about, Raito-kun" L whispered. He knew that he was still awake, and thinking about something. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"…why are you suddenly asking me that?" Light asked defensively.

"I just don't want you to suffer in silence, Raito-kun" L replied. "You know you will always have me, right?"

Light could not hide his doubt.

"You also told me that you would put me to justice if you found out I was Kira" Light pointed out.

"Well, if that time comes, I'll visit you often" L assured.

"That's not too promising" Light retorted. "You know that they will give me the death penalty if I were to be Kira"

"Well, if they execute you, Light. I would take my life as well so that we can be together"

"Oh don't do that!" Light seriously shouted at him. "I don't want anyone dying because of me. It would be too much"

L realised what he did and immediately regretted it.

"I'm sorry I went too far, Raito-kun", L said sincerely. "It was not a good joke, and I ought to think about your feelings more"

Light looked like he was about to cry. L hastily looked for something to wipe it with. He scrambled for the cloth Watari gave him earlier.

L gave him time to sort out his feelings.

"You must have been so scared when Yagami-san drew a gun on you like that" L said after a while.

"…yeah"

"I'm sorry again, Raito-kun"

L saw the boy shaking and immediately hugged him. He can be a terrible human being sometimes, but right now this was the only thing he can do.

Light hugged back. They stayed like that for almost an hour, keeping to themselves, not saying a word and just listening to each other's breathing.

Light finally opened up to him.

"My father issues are getting the better of me, huh?" Light let out a small laugh. L decided that he would listen for once.

"When I was young I'll always worry when my Dad was involved in dangerous cases. He always seemed to find himself being on one and would always insist on not letting it go even when other people would volunteer to take his place" Light went on. "It made my Mom a complete wreck sometimes."

L just continued to stroke Light's hair.

"Sometimes, I'd hate my Dad for it. I always have to be the one to comfort Mom and take care of my sister" Light continued. "My Mom would sometimes confide in me that she wanted a divorce and that would really mess me up."

Light held L's hand a bit tighter.

"But I always seemed to want him to be proud of me"

"I'm sure he is proud of you, Raito-kun"

Light didn't talk for a while.

"I wanted to kill him when he pointed a gun at me" Light confided. "I still remember it. If I was Kira I could have killed him. And I felt terrible for just thinking about that"

Light started to cry again. L tried his best to comfort him.

"It's okay, Raito-kun. You are human after all" L assured. "What's important is that you didn't act on it. Don't let it consume you, Light"

It took him a while to calm down. L as lost in his thoughts as well. He had always made it a point to see the world as black or white. He didn't really like complications like this. Perhaps this is why Watari always made it a point for him not to get involved with his suspects. It would mess up with his impartiality.

He didn't know what to do anymore, and maybe he was just holding on to that infantile belief of justice that he had always found comfort in. Maybe that kind of justice is still the right thing to do, and it was him that got corrupted somehow, with this new found feelings. Would he still be able to carry on as a lead investigator after this?

L realised that he must be putting too much stress on Light, to the point that he got sick overthinking it. He was already a bit shaken with what happened with his Father, and he has not talked about it much since it happened. He felt a bit guilty on what was happening with Light. Perhaps it is time to be the better man, and just forgive him for such a shallow thing. But before that.

"Light, I'm sorry" he said as he kissed him on the forehead. "I have been a terrible human being"

"Don't say that, L. You were just doing your best to catch Kira"

"….all the same, I told you that you were my first friend, but I have nothing to show for that" L continued. "I don't want you to suffer in silence"

"Can I really trust you, L?"

"Always, Raito-kun"

"Or are you just saying this to make me admit that I am Kira?"

"….even if you are Kira, you can still trust me, Light"

"That doesn't make sense at all"

"It doesn't have to make sense"

"…I hope you're right" Light dismissed. "I hope I can really trust you one day"

L decided to let it go and quietly drifted off to sleep with Light.

It really didn't make sense.

If only the world can be truly black and white.