"Is.. is there anything I can do?" he asked nervously from his place on the couch
"I just.. I just really need to be alone right now" she paced back and forth
"I'm not going to leave you alone, not like this" he arose to stand
"Please can you for once… just do what I ask"
"No"
"PJ please…"
"Mags, you've just lost your brother I'm not leaving"
"Yes thank you for reminding me" she stopped when her eyes connected with a picture on the desk, PJ's eyes following hers
"Maggie no.." he noticed the look in her eyes
"Why not" she shrugged
"He wouldn't want this, he wouldn't want you blaming yourself"
"You don't know what he would want! That's the whole point neither did I and because of that he's gone" she lunged forward picking up the frame from the desk
"Put the photo down come on" he reached out
"It's my fault" she skimmed her thumb across the smiling faces
"No it was a mistake, an unfortunate mistake"
"That I caused!"
"This is not your fault" he tried to assure her
"I told him to wait there, he ran in front of that bullet"
"This is not your fault, you hear me?"
"He killed him because I didn't do my job properly" she sighed sadly
"Robbie was an experienced officer nobody knew he was going to run in front of the gun to save you; you can't blame yourself for this"
"Who am I supposed to blame!"
"Maggie.." he stepped forward
"You tell me that? Because I sure as hell can't stop this feeling inside myself" she hit her chest
"Put the picture down, we can.. we can talk about this rationally"
"Rationally?" she laughed "there is nothing ration about this situation PJ! A ex member of the Police force is dead, my brother is dead, Robbie he is…" she took once last look down at the photo
before throwing it across the room the deafening smash of it hitting the wall drowning through her house
"Would you stop!"
"In the end, when you lose somebody everything you do is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be"
"Mags.."
"How… I… supposed… get…" she struggled through the tears
her tired form dropping to the floor as the exhaustion and tears over the past 24h all crumpled to the top,
dropping next to her on the floor PJ placed his hand against her cheek lifting her head to look across at him he pulled her forward into his arms his heart breaking when she cried into his shoulder.
...
Leaning his back against the footing of the couch PJ continued to rub Maggie's back the tears having subsided hours ago now both of them enjoying the form of closeness
"I'm sorry…" she sniffled
"It was bound to all come out soon" he replied into her hair
"I just.. I feel so guilty" she turned her head to rest her cheek on his shoulder
"You have nothing to feel guilty about Mags, none of this is your fault or mine or anyone's it was just an…"
"Unfortunate mistake.."
"Exactly" he moved his head to look at her his hand coming up to brush a loose tear off her cheek
"PJ…" she took a deep breath in
"Yeah?"
"I love you" she blurted out
"I…"
"I just thought.. loosing Robbie has made me realise how precious life is and I just thought you should know"
"I already knew" he smiled sadly
"What?"
"I've always known Mags"
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" she looked up at him
"Because I was waiting for you to say it, and I didn't want you to give me a lecture again" he teased
"I didn't give you a lecture the last time!" she hit his chest
"Mm-pretty sure you did"
"I did not"
"Somewhere along the lines of 'Let's keep it professional for both our sakes'"
"That dosen't count" she moved her head off his shoulder
"Is that right?" he raised an eyebrow when she stopped her head in front of his
"No, because I was confused and…" she rested her hand against his cheek
"And?" he questioned
"I love you"
"You said that already" he grinned pushing a piece of hair behind her ear,
angling her head Maggie hesitated slightly when PJ's thumb brushed across her bottom lip
he moved his head forward meeting her lips in a soft kiss pulling back he rested his forehead against hers
"Do you want me to go?" he sighed softly
"No… stay, please" she re-met his lips a slight whimper leaving her lips when he ran his hand under the inside of her shirt
"I love.. you Mags.. I.. love you.. so much.." he mumbled against her lips when her fingers began undoing the buttons on his shirt.
Walking along the path the next morning Maggie hesitated when she spotted the crashed Police car in the driveway
"You okay?" a voice stopped next to her
"Yes and no" she shook her head
"If coming back today is too soon…"
"Look Boss I appreciate it, but I need to work I need to stay busy" she turned to face him
"Have you seen PJ this morning?" he questioned noticing the CI car on the street
"Ah no, not since he left mine after you yesterday" she lied
"When you're ready… we need to get your statement on what happened"
"Yeah I'll be there shortly"
"Take all the time you need" he placed a hand on her arm before continuing up the path and walking into the station,
taking another look at the car she took a deep breath in and followed after Tom.
"Maggie, how…" Ben smiled sadly when she entered
"I'm okay" she assured him moving behind the bench
"I'm sorry about your brother" Nick answered from his spot at his desk
"Thank you.." she moved past him
"If there's anything…"
"Guys I'm fine, okay" she snapped entering the locker room closing the door
"What…"
"Just leave it Stewart" Tom replied from his spot in the kitchen
"Morning all!" PJ entered from the back area
"Your late"
"Sorry Boss, Doyle here?" he looked around
"How was she when you left last night?" Tom moved over to him
"When I left?"
"Yes didn't you leave after me?"
"Ah yeah, well she seemed to be okay" he shrugged in confusion
"She should really be at home I told her, but she insisted…"
"You know what Mags is like"
"Maybe you can have a talk to her, you know push her in the right direction"
"Boss.."
"Come on PJ, she's your best friend"
"Okay, I'll talk to her… is she here?"
"Locker room" he pointed moving back to continue making his coffee.
Entering the locker room slowly PJ smiled when she turned to look at him before looking back at her locker
"You left before I woke up" he closed the door behind him leaning on it slightly
"I had the early shift" she wiped a tear off her cheek
"Mags…"
"Leave it PJ, please"
"Why don't you take the day off, apply for some leave"
"I can do my job" she pulled on her jacket
"That isn't.."
"The Boss send you in here?" she closed her locker
"He's worried about you" he looked at her sadly when she turned to face him
"I'm fine.."
"I'm worried about you" he stepped forward
"And I told you I'm fine"
"And I'd believe that if you weren't trying to hold back the tears"
"Seeing the car… it…" she sighed looking down at her feet
"It's hard…" he moved to stand in front of her
"I need to be here, I need to keep busy"
"But you need to look after yourself first" he brushed his thumb under her chin lifting her head to look at him
"I'm fine…" her voice cracked
"Come here" he wrapped his arms around her in a hug
kissing her forehead when she rested her head against his chest
"We really shouldn't be doing this here"
"Why not, it's just two best friends hugging"
"Even after last night?" she pulled her head back
"I think that's a discussion we can have another time right now you.."
"Need to start my shift" she grinned
"I was actually going to say eat something" he shook his head
"I had a muesli bar earlier" she rested her hands around his waist
"Are you telling me a porky?" he raised an eyebrow
"Are you going to question it if I am?" she teased
"Mags…" he brushed a loose hair behind her ear,
resting his hand against her cheek
"I will eat at lunch, I promise"
"I'll hold you to that" he nodded
"I should really start my shift" she cleared her throat
"Yep…" he leaned down kissing her softly,
neither hearing the door creak open and close just as quick;
pulling back Maggie brushed her hand across his cheek smiling softly at him she moved over to the door and exited leaving him there to catch his breath.
"Doyle I need you to go with Stewart on Patrol" Nick turned in his chair when she walked out of the locker room
"Sure, anywhere in specific?" she grabbed the patrol car keys off the hook
"There's a disturbance at the local grocery's over a roast chicken the manger would like us to sort it out" he tried to hide his smile
"Seriously?" she stopped next to her desk grabbing her hat and clipboard when PJ entered the open area
"I know, but they seem to need our expertise help"
"What's this?" PJ questioned
"A disturbance over a roast chicken" Ben piped up moving around the front counter
"You're joking right?" he looked at Nick
"Afraid not mate"
"We'll keep you posted shall we?" Maggie followed Ben
"Hey Doyle!" Nick called when she stopped behind the front counter
"Yep?"
"I got a joke for you"
"Nick I've got to go"
"Come on"
"Fine" she rolled her eyes
"What did the chicken say to get across the busy street?" he interlocked his hands behind his head
"Do I even want to know?"
"Egg-scuse me"
"Where do you even come up with these" she laughed softly continuing towards the door
"Pathetic Nick" PJ shook his head
"I thought it was rather egg-cellent" he grinned
"You're highly mistaken but nice in trying to cheer her up" PJ smiled sadly
"Ah it's a tuff job but someone's gotta do it" he turned back around to his paperwork with a smirk,
"You want to drive?" Maggie held out the keys for Ben when they stopped next to the car
"No, your right" he smiled softly
"Everything okay with you?"
"Yeah why wouldn't it be?" he moved around the car
"Because you're acting weird" she unlocked the car
"I'm fine" he nodded
"Sure…" she gave him a weird look opening her door
"I do have one question…" he looked across the car roof at her
"It's not going to be a stupid chicken joke is it?"
"Do you love him?" he ignored her comment
"Sorry?" she looked at him confused
"PJ, do you love him?"
"How…"
"I saw you in the locker room…"
"Ben I.."
"It's okay really it is, I mean if he makes you happy" he looked at her sadly
"It's not…"
"I'm happy for you" he smiled before moving into the car at trying to hide his pain,
moving into the car she looked across at him in confusion
"But?" she sensed his hesitation
"No but's"
"Ben I can sense you're holding back" she pulled her door shut
"I'm not holding back" he shrugged pulling on his seatbelt
"Right, now I know you're lying"
"Maggie…"
"Yep?" she moved back from putting on her seatbelt,
looking at him in surprise when he leaned in kissing her quickly
"Ready to go?" he moved back clearing his throat
"Mm-hmm" she turned the car on
taking a quick glance at Ben in confusion before putting the car in gear and reversing out of the driveway.
(Hey guys so I had this idea come to me.. let's see if I can navigate two stories at once! All this greif and heartbreak seems to be giving me inspiration for sad.. stories.. Do hope you enjoy this first chapter Xx)