Welcome back to TBFF! I'm so glad you are here. Many readers are probably very surprised to find that I am back at it after such a long hiatus. Usually, I'm quite busy and I haven't done a lot of writing in the last ten years, but I have new motivation now and would like to take the time to finish this story that is near and dear to me. I am a bit out of practice with writing, but I will try to put forth my best efforts. I'm also still working on editing typos within the story, so it is possible to see a few changes here and there over the next few weeks. Please enjoy the latest installment.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Lord of the Rings or Tolkien Enterprises.

ooOoo

To Be Forever Faithful

By: Ponytail Goddess

Chapter 36: Glances

He was so close, yet so far away.

Belegwen could hardly believe how difficult the last few days had been because of this. After their lackluster goodbye, she was now cursed to march next to Haldir silently, unable to even speak freely with him as they began their voyage towards Helm's Deep. In silence, the marchwardens led the ranks side by side, expertly directing the soldiers with hand signals and birdcalls.

Up and down valleys they went, pressing onward to the tops of rolling hills and trudging gracefully across the flattened grasslands. Belegwen was constantly mirroring at Haldir's side and was only a couple of paces to his right at all times. Despite this, loneliness seemed to be her only steady companion for the journey.

The cold marchwarden persona that Haldir was renowned for had overtaken him and the unguarded side Belegwen had grown accustomed to was gone. She had never before seen him so completely consumed by his duty. It was clear to Belegwen that he took the safety of the group's passage very seriously. When she could hear an occasional thought from him within her mind, it seemed as if he was always alert, watching for danger and planning how to best get their army across the obstacles that awaited them. He was fully devoted to his mission now and had invested himself in getting them to Helm's Deep within the next few months.

All Belegwen had left of him were glances.

Her eyes would glance over at his rigid figure every so often, checking to see if she was marching at the same pace as him. At times, she glanced over at him to carefully study his hand signals so she could relay the appropriate message to the soldiers behind her at the exact same time. There were also times when she glanced at him for no reason at all other than to see him. A small amount of reassurance could be found in simply knowing he was right beside her, acting as dutifully as she. While they had set their relationship aside, they could still feel camaraderie together as brother and sister in arms, marching for an important unified cause. Belegwen tried to focus on their cause as they went about their travels.

Occasionally, she also caught herself giving him selfish glances, the type of glances she could not seem to control. Once in a while she caught herself glancing at him and admiring how he looked in his armor or appreciating how the sunlight sparkled atop his golden head. Though she was ashamed to admit it, she had even caught herself glancing at his hands at one point and had launched herself into a vivid daydream about what those hands had been capable of within the privacy of her talan.

"Shame on you!" Belegwen thought to herself every time this happened and then had spent the subsequent minutes mentally berating herself and trying to get her head back into the right place.

These self-centered thoughts were ill suited for the serious journey they were currently embarked upon. Belegwen knew she needed to be more focused on the task at hand and secretly wished her mind was more disciplined like Haldir's. Sometimes during the monotony of their march though, she could not seem to help but fall into a pool of thoughts about him and their relationship.

Belegwen was terribly embarrassed by the thoughts as well. The night before they left Lothlorien, she had found out that Haldir could now read some of her thoughts through the bond that was somehow strengthening between the two of them. Belegwen did not want him to know about these thoughts though! She sincerely hoped he did not know how she was mooning over him during their marches. Neither of them needed the additional distraction of those particular thoughts when they were trying to lead.

As it was, Belegwen already feared that Haldir was more distracted than he was letting on. Though his face never betrayed a single emotion, Belegwen knew he was desperately concerned about the vision of Orophin he had seen in Lady Galadriel's mirror before they left Lothlorien. While he had chosen not to tell her about his nightmare before their leave-taking, Belegwen suspected it had something to do with that. It had been the center of his attention before they made love and Belegwen had been aware of him thinking it over while she had readied him for the day the morning after.

What if Haldir's fears drove him to distraction during the journey? What if being distracted was what truly led to an untimely fate for him?

Shaking her head briefly, Belegwen sighed internally and tried her best not to think about that possibility. The thought of him dying was unspeakable. She hoped he was not dwelling on those thoughts either.

The sun was now quickly disappearing into the west, painting the sky with deep pinks, purples, and blues as the first few stars started to shine above them. Glancing at Haldir as she saw him signal a circle with his hand, Belegwen found herself mimicking it and then watched as the soldiers dispersed from their ranks and began settling around the creek bed where they had stopped to camp for the night. For the first time all day, voices could be heard as friends began to chat quietly amongst themselves.

A line started to form in front of the dining wagon as Esgalamon, the elf who had come to serve the ranks, broke off a bit of lembas bread for each elf to eat for the day. Once fed, the first group of soldiers would begin standing watch, encircling the campsite while the other half settled in for the first half of the night.

"I will take the first watch tonight." Haldir said to Belegwen before turning away and weaving through the ranks. The two of them had been trading jobs in the middle of the night, just as all the training partners were amid the ranks. Relieved that she would get to rest soon, Belegwen quickly got into line for her lembas bread.

Once fed, she found herself walking downhill to the creek with the hopes that the water might be clean enough to splash on her face. As she knelt down to inspect the dark water, she was interrupted by a voice whispering her name.

Turning around to try and find the voice, she eventually caught sight of Rumil, who was close to the water and hiding in the shadows amongst a patch of tall reeds several paces away from her. She watched as he signaled for her to come and join him. Quickly, she snuck into the green reeds, being careful to avoid the thick mud at the waters edge. As she started to question him, she found herself silenced by a strong finger on her lips.

"I have been marching behind you for the last four days and I can stand it no longer. Sit down, I am fixing this mess right now." He whispered, motioning her to sit in a relatively dry spot in front of him. Uncertain of what was happening, Belegwen complied with a look of confusion on her face.

"Rumil, what are you-hey!" She cried out as she felt him unceremoniously pulling the braids out of her hair, then shushing her once again before combing through her soft mass of silver hair with his fingers.

"Belegwen, I am your friend and as your friend there is something you must know: your hair is a disaster! I do not know how you can stand it this way!" Rumil whispered with exasperation, staring at her as she turned her head to glare at him.

"I cannot help that I am bad at braiding my hair!" She said, mentally debating on whether or not he deserved a good pummeling for his blunt words concerning her predicament. "I struggle to see what I am doing!"

"Ah, but I am good at it, my dearest Belegwen. Let me help you so that you represent Lothlorien well." He said calmly as his fingers started to braid the left hand side of her head rather tightly. With a huff, Belegwen decided to allow this. She knew she had been distracted before she left and had done a particularly terrible job on it this time. Once she had a few moments to get over the embarrassment of the situation, she found herself appreciating Rumil's offer of help.

After a long time had passed, Rumil had signaled that he was done and that she should go look at it in the creek. Carefully, she crept to the edge of the water and peered down to see her murky reflection. Belegwen was surprised by what she saw.

Rumil had not made warrior braids, but instead had made the tightly woven braids of an elleth, each starting at her forehead and stopping at her crown, there were several tight braids all in a row across the top of her head. At the crown of her head, those braids were woven into a larger braid that circled her head behind her ears, serving as a headband of sorts that separated her braids from the remainder of her long hair that hung loose behind her.

"Rumil, these are not warrior braids." She said as she voiced her thoughts aloud, wondering what had possessed him to do this to her head. Belegwen had not worn her hair styled as an elleth since she had been Lord Celeborn's ward and, quite frankly, she had not missed it.

"They are better than what you had though. See, your hair will stay out of your face this way and these braids will stay in for far longer than your loose braids." He said, defending his handiwork with a slight sound of annoyance in his voice. "Besides, why can you not look like both an elleth and a warrior? I would think the two things could coexist harmoniously."

Belegwen sighed as she resigned herself to wearing the hairdo, mostly out of fear of hurting her friend's feelings. "I am sorry if I was not appreciative, Rumil. It does look nice, but it might take me a few days to adjust to this."

Rumil smiled at her softly. "No, do not feel bad Belegwen. I knew this was not what you were expecting and I was took a risk when I started braiding. I just thought it would be nice to make you stand out for once, meldir. You are very beautiful, but often it goes unnoticed."

Belegwen rolled her eyes, as looks were hardly a priority for her, even more so now that they were camping in the wilderness. "Well, I imagine that tomorrow there will be a pack of Galadhrim wondering who the elleth is by Haldir and what she has done with Belegwen." She joked dryly, feeling a bit of anxiety over the potential stares this new hairdo would create.

"They will know it is you, silly!" Rumil said with a laugh, then leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. When he pulled back from her though, she saw an a bit of sadness in his eyes. Belegwen became worried when he gently rested his hand against her cheek and looked very seriously into her eyes. Rumil was rarely serious and she could tell that what he was about to say was important.

"Belegwen… You do know that you can tell me anything, right?" He asked, searching her eyes for something unknown. It made her feel very uncomfortable.

"Of course, Rumil. You are a trusted friend. Why do you ask this of me?" She said curiously, trying to ignore the anxiety welling up within the pit of her stomach.

Rumil looked at her for a long time, studying her eyes with an intensity that she had previously attributed to Haldir alone. Then, she watched as he turned his head and looked out amid the ranks of elves. Upon closer inspection, she found that he was looking at his brother before leveling his gaze deeply upon Belegwen once again, his eyes practically lighting her on fire with their intensity.

Oh dear Vala, he knew!

Belegwen was at a loss of what to do. How had Rumil found out about her and Haldir? Had Haldir told him? She sincerely doubted it, but perhaps he had. Or, perhaps Rumil just suspected? Had he seen something pass between them somehow?

Rumil was waiting for an explanation now with one eyebrow cocked up, but she did not know what to tell him or how he would react if she did. Thus, Belegwen did the one thing she felt she could do innocently enough: pretend it had not happened.

She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night Rumil." She whispered, then stood up and walked away from him, inwardly panicking a bit about her feigned ignorance and wondering whether or not Rumil had bought into it. Somehow, she doubted that he had.

ooOoo

Haldir scanned the darkened field, watching the area in front of the sleeping soldiers very carefully. It was his responsibility to make sure nothing happened to them on the way to Helm's Deep and he would certainly see to it. The field around the creek was calm though, the only sounds being the scurrying of small pray moving quietly through the field, trying to pass by unnoticed.

They had been traveling for four days now and had yet to endure any setbacks in their journey. The terrain had been easy enough to contend with, mostly flat grasslands with a few hills here and there. The weather had proven to be mild too, which was a relief to all. They were making good time and were right on schedule and located where Lord Celeborn said they should be now. Everything was going according to plan, for the most part.

Now under the cover of a blackened sky filled with glistening starlight, Haldir scanned the sleeping elves that were encircled by the first group of watchers. Many elves were sleeping in small clusters with their friends around the various grassy areas of the creek. The elves in the area were mostly still and unmoving, sleeping while they could before changing the watch.

Haldir suddenly found his eyes resting upon Belegwen. She was sleeping back to back beside Heledhril, lying on her side with the bodice of her armor unlatched and hanging open awkwardly. The leather straps that normally held it shut were lying askew and blowing in the breeze. Her head was resting on her cape, which she had balled up to create a pillow beneath her head, as most of the other soldiers were. The three-quarter moon was glowing brightly upon her during this cloudless night, reflecting upon her silvery hair in the same way it always had in Caras Galadhon. As he studied that silver hair intently, Haldir watched as strands of it blew onto Heledhril's face, making his nose twitch a couple of times in annoyance.

Inwardly, he was glad that she looked at peace and seemed to be comfortable enough. He was also grateful that she appeared to be a safe distance away from Erthalion. Haldir had been monitoring their situation closely for the last few days and was relieved that he seemed to be keeping his distance. He was also glad Belegwen was sleeping close to several trustworthy elves because that alone would prevent potential problems from arising.

As Haldir continued to look at Belegwen more closely though, he frowned as he noticed how her arms were reaching out to her side, as if wanting to be held by him. The space by her arms was empty though, with another elf laying a few paces away from where her curved fingers rested.

Haldir could not help but wish he was resting in those toned arms. Closing his eyes briefly, he drew up the mental picture he had tried to memorize before he left of her lying naked and warm beside him with her soft breath lingering against his skin and her unhampered silvery hair blowing across his body.

Feeling frustrated, Haldir opened his eyes again and retrained them on the horizon, scanning for potential threats once more. There was something about the night that brought this out of him. All day he had been able to concentrate on what he was doing, but there were tasks to focus his energies on during the day. He was navigating for the group and scouting for signs of danger constantly. At night though, especially with so many others sharing the duty of guarding the group, Haldir sometimes allowed his thoughts to drift to her. Under the cover of darkness and the guise of watching, he had found that he could stare at her for brief periods with little fear of consequence.

Tonight of all nights, Haldir found himself wishing that he had indeed pledged his love to her while they were still in the city. Not having an active commitment with her was starting to take a toll on him.

He had been watching when Rumil had called her into the tall reeds and had patiently waited until he saw her emerge with plaited hair that only could have been done by his younger brother. Haldir had long known that Rumil had a way with hair, as he had learned how to do delicate and fancy braiding from one of Galadriel's ladies in waiting while courting her for several years. Their relationship had not withstood the test of time, but Rumil's skills had and he had bragged to many ellyth about how good he was at doing hair. It was a skill he used as an excuse to touch and flirt with them repeatedly over the years.

When Haldir had first seen Belegwen go into the reeds with Rumil, jealousy had once again reared its ugly head within him. By exuding extreme concentration though, Haldir had found he could examine Belegwen's thoughts through his bond with her and had relaxed when he found her feeling only gratitude, which was followed with a slight twinge of annoyance towards Rumil. These were not feelings of love or affection and thus, Haldir found that he was able to control himself and allow the interaction to occur without interference.

However, he did not know how to feel when Belegwen had emerged from the reeds with that particular hairdo. Rumil had changed her appearance greatly and made her look very beautiful for a soldier. Haldir had initially admired how her hair had looked, but found he very much disliked the attention it had garnered from several of the other soldiers. Belegwen may not have realized it, but she had turned some heads tonight, particularly the ones from Imladris who did not know her well.

There was his envy again, creeping up on him more and more. Haldir knew he was being irrational and that Belegwen could not escape male attentions on a trip like this, but it still bothered him. He loved her and he did not want to share her with anyone else, whether it be his own brother or that crowd of Imladris elves.

Haldir sighed audibly in frustration over his thoughts of her. This was already proving to be a long and miserable trip for him.

ooOoo

A rough shake, which Belegwen was now accustomed to, abruptly woke her up from her reverie. When her eyes snapped into focus, she saw that she was staring directly into Haldir's face. He was leaning over her with an unreadable expression in his eyes. Belegwen took a slow minute to study him, seeing that he appeared to be well enough, if not perhaps tired and ready to take his own brief rest before they continued marching again. For his part, Haldir did not move, lingering perhaps a little too close to her for comfort, although he was much further away from her than what she was used to.

Not paying attention as she flipped onto her back to sit up, Belegwen gasped as she felt a shock of power surge through her as she accidentally set her hand upon Haldir's hand. Automatically, her hand clamped down before she realized what was happening. Haldir looked very surprised by this too, glancing from their touching hands to her face with wide eyes.

The power of the bond between them had grown greater since the last time they touched in Caras Galadhon. Neither of them seemed to understand what was happening between the two of them, but whatever it was, it was clearly stronger than before. Shivering a little beneath his fierce gaze, Belegwen forced herself to remove her hand from his as she sat up slowly.

His eyes pierced her own and in them she saw a glimpse of his feelings from before. Admiration and caring glimmered from within his blue orbs before they looked down and rested on her lips appreciatively. Her inhaled breath caught in her throat as she thought he might kiss her for a brief moment, but then, just as suddenly as it started, he pulled his eyes away from her and the moment was over.

"It's your turn to watch." He murmured softly, now refusing to meet her eyes as she stood up and stretched slowly. Belegwen found herself feeling rather sad at seeing this guarded side of him. It had been clear a moment ago that they both missed each other desperately and wanted the illegal kiss, which had nearly come to pass between them. This surprised Belegwen because being parted was apparently a problem for him too, though it had not seemed obvious to her before this moment.

"Indeed." She said dejectedly, watching as Haldir stretched himself out to sleep in the spot that she had just left. "I will wake you at dawn."

Trying not to linger on her regretful thoughts about their near-kiss, Belegwen slowly started to walk to the edge of the camp, taking a moment to latch herself into her armored bodice again. What poor luck she had—during the middle of their first day marching, Belegwen had discovered that her armor was no longer fitting properly around the middle. Feeling frustrated with Haldir and all of the excessive exercises he had her do over the past few months, she found that since she had apparently gained more muscle, she would now have to bear the burden of uncomfortable, ill-fitting armor for the remainder of the trip.

If only she had caught it before she had left Caras Galadhon…

Cursing under her breath, she sucked in her middle as best she could before latching the second side of the armor and resigned herself to being uncomfortable until they were next allowed to stop and rest.

Quickly, she found an empty spot in the circle around the camp to keep watch in during the remainder of the night. After scanning the scene around her, she saw that everything was safe and quiet and watched as the remainder of the soldiers finished their shift change, allowing those who had first watch to take their rest.

As she scanned the horizon again, she found her eyes meeting a familiar face. It was Rumil that she was standing next to and he looked very displeased. His intense stare blazed into her eyes for several moments, daring her once again to admit her sins to him.

Did he not know that what he asked for was dangerous though? Neither Belegwen or Haldir could risk losing the respect of their subordinate soldiers. Who would lead the soldiers to Helm's Deep if they were both disgraced over this? No, it was too risky, for even if Rumil was trustworthy enough to deal with the situation discreetly, voicing it aloud would risk the ears of others finding out their secret. That would only serve to cause trouble.

Belegwen smiled sadly at Rumil, unable to grant his request. Visibly, he showed a rather sizeable amount of frustration upon his face before turning away with his arms crossed protectively over his chest.

Rumil did not understand what he asked for though. Belegwen could only hope that her secret would not destroy the one friendship she valued above all others.

ooOoo

Did you like it? Please review and tell me your opinion. If I'm honest, picking this up after all of this time has proven to be more difficult than I thought it would be and I feel like I'm a bit out of practice with my writing skills. Any suggestions for improvement would be helpful. Thanks for reading!

-P.G.