Welcome back to TBFF! A special thanks goes out to mystarlight, Addy White, virgo-valentina, PrettyRecklessLaura, Arwan, and hrtiu for their reviews on the last chapter. I warn you in advance that I will start to take a few liberties with the plotline in this chapter and the ones that follow. That is the beauty of writing a fanfic; anything and everything becomes possible to the author. This is an A/U Movieverse fanfic, so anything can happen at this point. Please enjoy my interpretation of Tolkien's wonderful world.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Lord of the Rings or Tolkien Enterprises.
ooOoo
To Be Forever Faithful
By: Ponytail Goddess
Chapter 44: Uncertain Future
"Gwathel," Rumil said as he approached Belegwen, who was standing beside the healing cart. Her silver hair was unbraided and beautiful, blowing in the breezes of the plains while she inspected something in the distance.
He could tell by the uncomfortable look on Belegwen's face that she was all too aware that his name for her had changed, though Rumil had been careful not to use that particular word when others were listening in. Now that he knew about the elfling she carried, Belegwen no longer had a way to hide what had taken place between her and Haldir. After all, an elfling could only be created when two elves loved one another and both desired to have one together. Therefore, Rumil had concluded that the two of them must have loved one another deeply for this miracle to have occurred.
Feeling confident he was right about this, Rumil felt he could finally seek his answers now, at long last.
"Meldir," she finally answered back, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge him as family in the way Rumil had. Oh, she was going to be a handful indeed! She was nearly as stubborn as Haldir at times!
Rumil smiled at her knowingly, causing her to roll her eyes and then look away from him. Afterwards, she seemed to be watching something in the distance, so Rumil turned his gaze in the same direction to find out what was holding her interest.
On the edge of the guard circle, Rumil could see that Belegwen was observing Haldir as he spoke with Gilhoth, the new second in command who had been commissioned to take over until Belegwen had her trial in Caras Galadhon. As Rumil studied Belegwen's face, he could see her disappointment and yearning for the position she currently could not occupy.
"It is only temporary," he reassured her quietly, resting his hand on her shoulder to try and comfort her. "You will be marchwarden again when we return to Caras Galadhon."
"I hope you are right," she replied, sounding less than confident about the odds as she continued to stare at Haldir and Gilhoth in the dimming light of the setting sun. The two soldiers' bodies were wrapped in the deep oranges and purples of the sunset as Haldir seemed to be speaking about something very serious with Gilhoth, who focused on his words intently.
Rumil lightly tapped on her shoulder until she looked at him, her sad blue eyes gleaming in the remnants of sunlight. "There are few here who doubt your return and many who would fight for you to have the position, should it come to that. Do not fret, for it will once again be yours."
Belegwen laughed nervously for a moment, looking at the ground briefly before once again meeting Rumil's eyes. "Perhaps. There are now other factors to consider though. Do you think Haldir will allow my return, now that I am… as I am?" She asked him quietly, glancing at her middle momentarily before tentatively looking at Rumil.
Rumil froze as he realized what Belegwen feared, that having the elfling would somehow result in her losing the position she cherished. Truly, it did seem to be a legitimate concern. "You will need to speak with Haldir about that Belegwen. I have no idea what he would want in that regard. I do understand his wish for you to sit out of the battle though, now that you carry something so precious along with you."
"I fear that he trains a permanent replacement," she whispered discontentedly, hugging herself with her own arms. "Now that he knows, he treats me as if I am made of glass, like I am some breakable elleth instead of a warrior. I do not like it."
Indeed, Rumil did notice that Haldir had changed recently. He had seen his brother loitering around the healing cart nearly every night this week, checking on Belegwen, asking if she had any unmet needs, making sure that she was safe from Erthalion… Honestly, Rumil had been amazed at how quickly Haldir had stepped up to help Belegwen and how much affection he had seen between the two of them lately.
Their love had always been a secret in the past, but Haldir seemed less bothered by it now, perhaps because there was little time left before all would know what had occurred between the two of them. Even though she wore baggy healing robes, Belegwen's elfling was starting to show. Rumil had already seen a couple of soldiers looking at her with curious glances over the last few days and knew that it was only a matter of time before the rumors began to circulate.
"Haldir only does for you what any other ellon would do if put into this position Belegwen. He does it out of respect for you, to show you his care and love. Can you not see that?" Rumil asked, feeling slightly annoyed that Belegwen might try to deny his brother the kindnesses he bestowed upon her so unexpectedly.
Could she not see that this was how Haldir was showing her his love and dedication? Rumil knew Haldir did not freely give these two things to just anyone, so this situation was very special indeed. Why could she not appreciate this?
"Love…" Belegwen murmured, sighing softly as she kicked at the long green grass beneath her boot-clad feet, studying it with a much keener interest than necessary.
"Belegwen," Rumil said with a pause, then asked cautiously, "Do you doubt Haldir's love for you?"
She shook her head, her loose silver hair brushing over her shoulders in a matching motion. "No, I know how he feels about me Rumil. I am just frustrated because he does not say it out loud. I can tell that he has tried now, several times, but he cannot tell me that he loves me out loud for some reason." She said, then softly admitted, "I do not understand what holds him back. I wish to say it to him, but I would rather he go first. I have been waiting for quite a while now..."
"Oh my…" Rumil said with a sigh of his own, scratching his hairline nervously as he took in her words. "Haldir is very complicated at times. I truly hope you do not doubt his feelings, as I can see that he loves you very much. I have never seen him react to an elleth this way before. Really, I have never seen him react to an elleth at all. Because of this, it is very obvious to me that you hold a special place in his heart."
He continued, "Honestly, I am shocked this happened between you and him. Orophin once told me Haldir was hurt by an elleth he loved in his youth, which is why he has stayed single for so long. There has been nary an elleth who could catch his eye for the last three millennia. We both thought his chance for love had been lost with the sands of time, yet here you are, with his heart safely resting in your hand."
Rumil felt emotional just thinking of it. His brother had been alone for so long. Rumil and Orophin had never thought Haldir would find happiness such as this. It was a relief to know that he could still find love after so long.
"It is a miracle that you have him now Belegwen. I honestly did not think he would ever love an elleth again. It brings me joy to know he will find happiness with you." Rumil finished with a choked up voice. He had not meant to get so wrapped up in the moment, but he could not help but feel sentimental about his brother finding love after all this time.
Once Rumil regained control of himself, he started trying to guess what was going on behind Belegwen's inscrutable face. He watched as Belegwen mulled over his words long and hard before she answered.
"But Rumil… elves only fall in love once in a lifetime. I know Haldir loves me now; I can feel it through the bond between us. How could he have loved someone else? I do not understand how that could be an accurate assessment. It is true that I knew Haldir long ago, but we did not have feelings for one another then, so how could what Orophin said be true?" Belegwen asked, thinking out loud as she reasoned through the new information he had provided her.
"I do not know Belegwen," Rumil stated calmly, though a niggling little thought in the back of his mind started to suspect something very dark and depressing about his older brother. Rumil hoped he was wrong, but could not help but worry that he was currently standing beside Haldir's secret love interest from his youth.
If it had been Belegwen all along, she had no idea what she had done.
"I still think Orophin was right; he was very close with Haldir, much closer than me. The two of them were very similar in age, interests, and mentality. He was Haldir's closest confidant in life. Perhaps Haldir told him the full story at one point; I know not." Rumil answered, then took a shaky breath before gently wrapping his fingers around Belegwen's upper arms and meeting her eyes once again.
He spoke to her slowly and intentionally as he said, "I suspect this is hard for Haldir because of his past. Give him time. He will figure out how to convey his feelings when he is ready. Not only that, but-"
Rumil stopped suddenly, immediately feeling that something was not right. The air had stilled around them and it was entirely too quiet; he felt the uncanny feeling that he was being watched. Rumil saw that Belegwen had noticed it too. Something lurked in the tall grasses near them—something dangerous.
Rumil signaled for Belegwen to stay put with a familiar signal of his hand, then started to walk away from her, very aware of the potential danger that was looming in the tall grass. Making a wide circle, Rumil bent down and snuck into the grass further away before starting to return to where Belegwen was, searching the grass for the enemy while taking care to not give away his position. He could see Belegwen was looking for something in the cart because her back was turned toward him. Though it looked innocent enough, Rumil feared she was planning an attack of her own with Nimrodel and worried for the elfling.
He needed to find whatever was out here and fast.
As it turned out though, leaving Belegwen on her own had resulted in the danger revealing itself to him, as he caught sight of the large orc creeping towards her in the grass. Perhaps he saw her as an easy target, especially now that she was alone?
Clearly, the orc had no idea who he was dealing with though, as Rumil knew Belegwen would not hesitate to engage him in battle if he came close enough. Because he watched Belegwen so intently, Rumil was able to sneak behind him with ease and disarm him.
Shrieking loudly, the orc attempted to turn and fight him, but Rumil was too fast. He tackled the orc in the grass and wrestled him down until he was subdued on his stomach; Rumil gripped his arms tightly behind his back and held the shrieking captive down as best as he could manage. A whistle rang out through the air and several soldiers ran up to assist with the orc while others snuck into the grass to search for additional orcs.
Immediately, Haldir was at his side and helped him lift the struggling orc off the ground. Another soldier came up and took Haldir's place at his silent indication and Rumil watched as Haldir stood in front of the orc, placing his sword against the creature's neck.
"Why do you lurk near our camp, spy? Answer me now, or meet your death at my hand." Haldir stated firmly, his eyes never leaving the orc.
The orc glared at him, then laughed menacingly, which earned him a smack across the face from the flattened end of Haldir's blade. Writhing in pain, the orc hissed, "Why should I, elf? You'll kill me after gettin' your way anyhow. Don't worry though, you'll get yours soon enough! Mark my words!" He cackled, looking excited and earning another smack from Haldir.
The orc screamed as Haldir continued the interrogation, pushing the sword even closer into his neck than he had before. A droplet of blue blood dripped down his neck where the sword started to connect with his flesh. "What is it that you think we will get? Who comes our way?"
It had been a mistake to ask though. Every elf in the camp could immediately feel the presence of evil in the air and trembled under its heavy weight. It started as a low whisper on the wind, but grew gradually louder and more pronounced until there was no doubt of what it was.
The black speech of Mordor rang out as a low rumble in the air amongst the elves, causing many of them to cringe and shudder. Some of them fell to their knees and covered their ears, pained at the sound of evil amplified amongst them. Shouts of distress rang out amongst the ranks, adding to the suffering they experienced around them.
Rumil was barely able to keep his footing under the pressure of the words. His grip on the orc was waning as the black speech beat down on him, injuring him as effectively as any weapon. He and the other elf who gripped the orc were both struggling, but somehow managed to keep their grip on him as evil gained the upper hand against them.
Haldir also gasped for air and stumbled, holding himself up by grabbing the shoulder of the orc for stability and leaning into him. This only lasted a few seconds though, as the eyes of the orc suddenly burned with the fire of Mordor. Rumil watched in horror as they went red and a shriek passed through the air.
A new, very unnatural voice grumbled from the depths of the orc's body. "You dare to stand against Sauron the Great? You shall meet your brother in death, with only maggots to keep you company!"
Screams rang out through the camp as an image of Rumil's brother Orophin, sprawled out dead on the ground in a pool of his own blood, flashed through his mind and the minds of all the others around him, followed by the image of a single, fire-encapsulated eye. Rumil felt himself go numb with pain under the hurtful image and the weight of the evil lingering in the air. He could barely hold the squirming orc now…
A ragged scream came from Haldir and Rumil watched in shock as his brother beheaded the orc with animalistic force. Immediately, the evil dissipated from the air and the foul voice stopped. Rumil stared at Haldir as he dropped to his knees, breathing heavily with exertion. A crazed look lingered in his brother's eyes as he stared at the bleeding body of the dead orc lying before him.
After a long pause of silence while the group recovered, Rumil started to get to his feet, only to be startled by hearing Haldir curse out loud and turn into a full run towards the healing cart. Rumil ran too once he figured out what had happened.
Belegwen had fallen to her hands and knees and was trembling terribly on the ground, one arm wrapped around her middle tightly as she struggled to hold herself up. Haldir was instantly at her side and lifted her face to meet his own. Both looked at one another in horror.
Rumil trembled at the ashen coloring of Belegwen's face as he heard her shakily say, "Haldir… there is something wrong inside of me." He saw his brother freeze in fear as she continued in a low, pain-stricken voice, "Something is wrong with the elfling."
"Rumil, go fetch Linedhel! NOW!" Haldir shouted, his voice sounding oddly twisted and full of uncustomary worry.
It was unnecessary though because Rumil had already started running to find the healer before Haldir had even shouted his name.
ooOoo
"How is she?" Haldir asked as he abruptly entered the healing cart. He was sick with worry; it had been particularly upsetting to leave Belegwen and the elfling with Rumil while he tended to his duties as marchwarden. He had rushed to rejoin them as soon as he could though, desperately needing to know if they were well.
The elves who had combed the grass found two more spying orcs crawling around and Haldir had killed them both quickly, unwilling to risk the danger of the black speech once more. Their bodies were set on fire and Haldir had arranged for several of the soldiers to continue combing the grass until morning, in addition to their regular watches, for increased safety.
Haldir's mind could not help but linger on the memory of Belegwen's ashen face as he had taken the appropriate steps to keep the ranks safe. Belegwen had appeared greatly weakened, just as she had after she was injured in the fire by the borders of Lothlorien. It scared him, how she had clung to her middle so desperately, not even letting go to make it easier for him to lift her up into the healing cart.
What he saw inside the cart was encouraging though. Belegwen had already regained some coloring in her face. She was leaned up against one wall of the wooden cabinets, her head tilted backwards so her face was aimed at the sky. Her eyes were open, but dimmed in reverie. She was breathing deeply in her sleep, her hands resting protectively on her middle.
Linedhel was kneeling by her legs, his lanky body bent over her as he worked. Belegwen's healing robes were pulled up over her stomach, which was where his hands were resting as he chanted ancient words in a whispered voice, appearing to be using his spirit to try and heal the elfling.
On Belegwen's far side was Rumil, sitting against the cabinets next to her. Haldir saw that Rumil's hand rested gently against Belegwen's arm, though his face was turned away from her, as if to protect her modesty while so much of her was exposed. Though his face was turned away, Haldir could see that Rumil was worried.
After a few moments, Linedhel released Belegwen's middle and sat up tall, falling silent as he finished the healing. He gently maneuvered the healing robes back over Belegwen's body. "I have put her into a healing sleep for the night. She will fully recover in a couple of days, as will the elfling."
"I do not understand why this has effected them in this way." Haldir said, as most of the soldiers had recovered from the attack in a matter of minutes.
"Haldir, an unborn elfling is one of the most pure, untainted beings in existence. We usually shelter our youngest ones from such evil, but your son was exposed to it much too soon and was hardly strong enough to bear the weight of it."
He continued, "The elfling became ill with fear upon hearing the black speech. It has driven Belegwen's body into working feverishly to try and restore the ellon to health, which sickens her in turn. The elfling has calmed somewhat now, but they are both in a weakened state from their survival efforts."
"They will both be okay though?" Rumil asked, looking back Belegwen with pain in his eyes. Indeed, the mood of the room was somber, as none of them liked the idea of an unborn elfling feeling fearful.
"Yes, they just need some time to rest." Linedhel said to Rumil with a smile. "I am confident of this."
Then, he turned to Haldir and said, "Your elfling has a great strength about him. You are very lucky marchwarden. This could have ended much worse than it did."
Haldir felt guilt well up into him upon hearing those words, as he had been the one who had goaded the orc until the attack had occurred. He had not known that Sauron would be paying such close attention to them though. Surely this meant the battle would be of great importance to the all-out war that raged against good and evil in Arda.
"I must go and see if there are others who having lingering effects from the attack. Will you watch her for the night?" Linedhel asked as he carefully stepped over Haldir, making his way to the door of the cart.
"Yes, I will be here." Haldir replied, watching as Linedhel jumped out of the cart and went on his way.
Once Linedhel was gone, Haldir scooted beside Belegwen's sleeping form and took her in his arms, gently easing her to the ground so that she was lying on her back in a more comfortable position. He quickly disconnected the red cape from his armor and rolled it up, placing it under her head as a pillow. He then lifted her head lightly and pulled her hair out from under her body, arranging it on top of her shoulder so it was out of the way.
When he looked up, he saw Rumil was still there, staring at him with a knowing smile on his face. "You love her." He stated, his eyes twinkling with delight. Haldir silently watched his brother's face as he waited patiently for some sort of confession. He supposed this conversation was long overdue.
"How long?" Rumil asked, continuing to pry, though he had not gotten any sort of response to his first statement. "How long have you loved her Haldir?"
"Almost a year now," Haldir said softly, giving in as he knew there was no point in hiding it now. Belegwen would soon bear him a son and all would be revealed then anyway. Rumil had already seen that she was pregnant. There was no longer any reason to hide it.
"I do not believe you." Rumil challenged, a look of impertinence overtaking his face. "How long has it really been?"
Haldir sighed and rolled his eyes at this. "You sound just like Bragolith."
"Oh, so Bragolith knows the tale? Perhaps I should go and ask him to tell me the story, since you are not being very forthcoming with me, your own flesh and blood." Rumil said, starting to sound accusatory.
Haldir deserved that, as he had not been very open with Rumil about anything since Orophin had passed. Sharing with his brother was a thing of the past now, as he feared it would remind him too much of Orophin's passing. Even now, he felt himself becoming emotional while thinking about Orophin's immortality, which had been snuffed out much too soon.
Did Rumil not understand how much he reminded him of Orophin? Of how much pain his death had brought?
Haldir had not been fair to Rumil though. He clearly missed him and needed him as a brother, especially in these darkest of days where evil seemed to be looming around every corner. Rumil deserved to know about him and Belegwen and should have found out from him directly, rather than having to confirm his own suspicions through observation and his own sneaky devices.
"No," Haldir finally said through his teeth, the pain of Orophin's death rising up to him once again. "I would have you hear it from me."
After bestowing a single caress to Belegwen's hair, he carefully crawled around her and sat next to Rumil beside her feet, leaning against the cabinets by his brother. Though he was still rather angry, Rumil greeted him with a pat on the shoulder and a kiss to his cheek, much in the same way as he always did. Rumil had never been one to shy away from showing affection to family and friends and, though public shows of affection were not a thing Haldir enjoyed, he had grown accustomed to his brother's ways over the years and was not bothered by it.
"I do not know where to start." Haldir said idly, struggling to put his emotions into words.
"At the beginning of course. Tell me how you fell in love with Belegwen when you were young. Tell me what took place between the two of you that has made it take so long for this to happen." He said, pointing back and forth between Haldir and Belegwen to indicate their connection.
"There is not much to tell. Lord Celeborn brought Belegwen with him to the borders to talk with Annondel one day. I was just over 500 at the time and she was a couple of weeks away from reaching her 50th birthday. She ended up waiting for him on the flet Bragolith and I shared for the watch. Bragolith was a terrible flirt back then and he bothered her until she avoided him and started speaking with me. We spoke for a while and I helped her shoot an arrow from my Galadhrim bow. By the time she left, I was fond of her."
Looking up to gauge Rumil's reaction, Haldir found him entranced with the story. "Go on brother; what happened next?" He asked impatiently, signaling for him to continue with a motion of his hand.
"Lord Celeborn and Annondel had both seen that I had feelings for her and went about trying to match us together. Lord Celeborn invited me to help teach her how to dance one day, but she stomped on my toes to end the dance lesson. Annondel kept encouraging me to court her and propose to her. I suspect it was because he knew Belegwen wanted to become a warden and he did not want to deal with the uproar such a thing was bound to cause at the time. I even tried to catch her eye a time or two, but it did not work." He said, looking down in shame as he remembered the lingering sadness he had endured during those days.
"All Belegwen ever wanted was to be a warden. She did not court a single elf back then. I waited 200 years for her Rumil, but then she made it quite clear to me that she was never going to marry anyone, so I decided to stop trying. For the last 3,000 years, I have suppressed my feelings for her. Being a warden seemed to make her happy and her happiness pleases me beyond all else, so I left her alone."
"Even though your own happiness was at stake?" Rumil asked quietly as an understanding passed between them. Haldir nodded silently and waited a few moments before continuing.
"After a long time, I convinced myself that I did not need her and that my duty was more important than a relationship with an elleth. I started to feel the same bitterness towards her that others did and I told myself it was because of her gender, but really, it was because she had no feelings for me." He said tensely.
Haldir shuddered as he remembered the embarrassment of finally realizing that Belegwen would never return his feelings. He had fallen in love with someone who would never love him back and it had wounded him deeply. He had pushed all of his anger and hurt within himself and had not let them out since he told Orophin all those years ago. Orophin had understood how much the situation had hurt him and had never brought it up again, though his dislike of Belegwen had been evident from then on.
Belegwen didn't even know what she had done though. She seemed to be completely oblivious to his desire for her at the time and the pain of rejection that had followed. Granted, Haldir had been shy then and was not as forward with her in the way that Bragolith and a few other elves had been, but he had winked at her that once... He had always tried to be kind and courteous to her when others had not been. Perhaps his feelings had not been evident enough to her.
It no longer mattered though. Belegwen had chosen him now, however inadvertently, to be her husband. Haldir was overjoyed that it had finally happened, but struggled to deal with the lingering effects from the rejection he had endured in the past. It was why he had courted her with such hesitancy. It was why he pretended not to know her well when she had first become a second. It was why had held her at arms length for a while, even though he had not wanted to.
It was why he could not seem to bring himself to tell her that he loved her…
Haldir could not bear to be rejected like that again.
Suddenly, Haldir was removed from his dark thoughts by Rumil's arms wrapping around him and holding him fast. Hesitating for a moment at his brother's open affection, Haldir eventually returned the hug in full, accepting the comfort his brother offered so much more freely than himself. He could hear Rumil sniffling a bit by his ear and decided that he must have shed a tear or two on his behalf.
What had happened between him and Belegwen was tragic, a nightmare that most elves would never have to endure. It had hardened him over the years and made him reject any sort of love for a long time now, fearing its painful consequences. Yet, when Belegwen had finally seemed open to such a relationship, he had been unable to control himself and had slowly shown her parts of himself he had previously believed would never return.
"I am sorry for what you have endured brother." Rumil murmured as he pulled away from the hug after a long while. He brushed a few glistening tears from his face. "No one should have to go through that."
After a few more sniffles, Rumil finally got a hold of himself and said, "Thank you for sharing that with me. I have missed being close with you."
"That I am sorry for," Haldir whispered, looking down in shame. He had been a fool as of late. "It has been a struggle for me to open up to you since Orophin passed. Being around you makes me think of him and… I struggle with it yet. Please forgive me brother."
"There is nothing to forgive," Rumil whispered to him quietly, bestowing a look of sincerity upon him. "It still hurts me too. It probably always will."
"Indeed," Haldir said, agreeing with the sentiment fully. The two sat in silence for a long while, watching Belegwen's reverie in what little light filtered in through the cloth topper of the cart. They could hear a few voices speaking quietly to one another in the camp, but most were quiet now, having either gone to sleep or set about their watch duty a while ago.
"What are you going to do about Belegwen? Are you going to marry her properly when we return?" Rumil asked delicately. He laid his hand on Haldir's knee, his voice becoming a mere whisper when he said, "She needs you to tell her that you love her, brother. She is bothered that you have not said it yet."
"I know," Haldir murmured back, staring at the ceiling with an odd interest as he felt a flush draw over his face. He gently tilted his golden head back against the darkened cabinets as he mulled over Rumil's words.
Haldir was very keenly aware of Belegwen's emotions and thoughts now because of their bond. He knew that Belegwen had been disappointed with him when he had started to make his declaration and then failed to after their lovemaking, though she had not said so out loud. He had tried, after all, and she knew that. He knew that she was aware of his feelings for her and that he considered her to be his wife now.
She deserved the words though. Haldir was just too frightened to say them, to give up this one last bit of control that remained in his hands. To give her this declaration would be his way of accepting whatever fate she decided for them, even if it ended with another rejection.
Haldir knew he could not handle another rejection, so he had held on.
It was not fair to Belegwen though, nor to the ellon she carried. After all, she had not given him any reason to believe that he would be denied again. It seemed very unlikely that she would turn him away now that they had created an elfling together. Indeed, Belegwen deserved better than the miniscule offerings of words he had managed to give.
He was almost out of time.
Haldir still could not shake the feeling that Helm's Deep would be where he met his untimely fate. He had skirted death for so long, but he knew that it could happen to any warden at any time. Curudae, whom Belegwen had replaced as marchwarden, as well as his own brother Orophin had felt death's sting in the past year. Both had been great wardens, yet both had passed into the Halls of Mandos.
How much longer could he avoid his own impending doom? From the vision of his own brother in the lady's mirror to his own intuition, Haldir suspected very strongly that his time in Arda was waning. He cherished every breath he took now, as he felt strongly that he was drawing towards what would soon be his last.
"Rumil," he said softly as he thought ahead to the future and all he would miss once again. "I need something from you. A promise, if you will."
Though he did not look at Rumil, he could feel his eyes upon him as well as his worry. Rumil knew him well and the tone of voice he had used was unusually flat. The weight of the world was on his shoulders and he needed this one last thing from Rumil to comfort him before his own inevitable demise.
"What is it Haldir?" Rumil asked after a moment of deliberation. He could see the anxiety lingering in his brother's eyes as he waited for his request.
It took Haldir a moment to gather up enough confidence to ask it of him. "Promise me… If I should fall in the battle-"
"Haldir," Rumil interrupted, pleading for him to stop. "Please brother, do not speak this way-"
"I need this Rumil," Haldir stubbornly argued, interrupting his brother as smoothly as he had interrupted him seconds ago. "Would you deny my heart this one last request? It is of the utmost importance that Belegwen and the elfling are cared for, even in my absence. Promise me you will, Rumil. Promise me you will see to them if I fall."
"Of course, Haldir," he whispered emotionally, his eyes glittering with unshed tears. "Belegwen is my friend and the elfling is part of you and therefore part of me too. We both know that family is important. I would never abandon either of them, even if you did not ask it of me now."
"You have my word," Rumil continued, wiping a tear away from his eye as he stared at Haldir with lingering pain in his eyes. A feeling of relief washed over Haldir. Just knowing that someone else would be there for her had taken a great burden off of him.
"Very good. Thank you brother." Haldir replied, closing his eyes and praying that it would not come to that. He wished to be the one who was there for Belegwen and the sweet little one growing within her.
Haldir wanted to be an adar…
Haldir wanted to live.
Briefly leaving Belegwen to her rest, Haldir exited the healing cart to change out the guard. He watched as Rumil diligently took his spot amongst the circle and felt a deep respect for him as he clung to his promise. He knew Rumil was honorable and would keep the promise as best as he could manage.
Once he had gotten reports from Gilhoth and several of the wardens who had been combing the grass, he snuck back into the healing cart to watch over Belegwen for the remainder of the night, falling into reverie himself after a time.
ooOoo
Haldir's eyes opened. There he was, lying on his back on the all too familiar talan floor beneath the mellyrn leaves. Each leaf was a resplendent golden color, almost glittering in the sunlight above his head. The light coming off of them was nearly blinding and he could not see much aside from it.
He knew from the repeating nature of this dream that he could not move, so he did not even try. Though he could not see who it was, he knew who was coming and feared for himself. He sensed Orophin's presence within the dream long before he could hear him or see him. He would have to wait though—he always had to wait before his brother arrived.
After a short while, he heard the creaking of a door and felt the light vibration of footsteps on the wooden planks beneath his back. The footsteps grew stronger with every passing second as Orophin approached once again. His shadow slid across the floor until it loomed menacingly over Haldir's frozen form.
Orophin had returned with darkness upon him. Gone were his soft, easy-going features. No, there was malice in his eyes as he grasped Haldir's legs tightly, his fingernails somehow penetrating his skin through the fabric of his leggings.
Haldir tried to pull away from the painful grip, but could not manage it. He was frozen in the dream and could not move a muscle, no matter how heartily he tried. Momentarily, he panicked as he felt Orophin start to move him. His body was being dragged across the floor of the talan until they reached the edge of the balcony. Orophin was staring intently at him with his evil-ridden eyes. They were almost black, so filled they were with hate.
"You are not coming home, Haldir. Maggots will tear your flesh away and your spirit will rove the halls, seeking comforts it will never find!"
Haldir tried to scream as Orophin started to lift him into the sky, but no sound escaped his lips. Two voices rang out below him, one low and one high, both screaming at Orophin to let him go. As he took to the air once more, his head rolled back and he caught sight of Belegwen and Rumil. Haldir found that he was pulling Belegwen with him, her arm trapped firmly in his grasp again. Rumil held her tightly though, trying to make good on his promise.
"Haldir, let her go or you will be the death of her! Let her stay here! Please, release her!" Rumil cried out, fumbling to keep a hold on her as she started to lift off the ground, struggling against Haldir's iron grip on her arm.
"Let me go! Please!" She screamed, desperately trying to yank her arm out of his grasp with her free hand. Rumil clung to her abdomen, but was quickly losing his grip on her as they took to the sky together. Orophin's cackling echoed through the sky as Haldir mentally pleaded to the Valar to regain feeling in his hand so he could let go of Belegwen. He did not want to drag her with him. He could not take her along with him, there was too much at stake!
His head flopped limply downward for a moment, but was then jostled so he could once again see the platform. As curiously as he had appeared within the dream, Rumil was now gone. He was replaced with a mysterious new elf. Dressed as a warden, this elf held Belegwen by the ankle and looked up at him with oddly familiar blue eyes and facial features that were very similar to his own. His silver hair was tied back in warrior's braids, smooth and neat behind his ears.
He tried to pull away from Belegwen's leg, but appeared to be stuck as well. He put up quite the struggle against the fate that awaited him, but could not seem to back away from the talan edge or detach himself from Belegwen's ankle.
Haldir met his fearful eyes for just a second and felt a tear slide down his cheek as he saw the elf's feet begin to lift off the talan floor.
"Ada, no!" He pleaded before all went white around them.
Haldir found himself on an unfamiliar stairway, spiraling up a mallorn tree at the city's edge. Something was wrong though; he knew it in his heart. The atmosphere was heavy around him and the stench of orcs and blood wafted through the stale air. All was silent in the forest, not even a bird was singing from the treetops.
Something horrible had happened here. Haldir could feel it all the way down to his bones. He slowly stepped up the remaining stairs towards the door, a foreboding feeling washing over him as he saw that it was partially open. Something was on the floor in front of the opening, but he could not tell what it was. He ascended the last step with extra caution and then slowly pushed the door open.
It was a bloodbath. Three elves were dead on the floor, two civilians and one warden. The civilians looked as though they had been killed first. There was both an ellon and an elleth, dressed in scholarly robes. They were lying unnaturally in the doorway, near one another and soaked in pools of their own blood. Their glossy eyes bore fearful looks, which were frozen on their faces in death.
The other body was that of a warden. He was much deeper into the room and had definitely not fallen without a putting up a good fight. His body was surrounded by numerous broken objects, the shards of which were scattered all over the floor. He was bruised and bloodied in many places, rather than having just one wound like the other two elves.
"Ada," a young voice whispered, "Ada. Naneth. Nenrim. No!"
A cabinet door creaked nearby and Haldir found his legs shooting into a nearby broom closet, immediately barricading the door closed upon entering with every last thing available inside the closet. Then, there was an eerie silence, which was only interrupted by the occasional creaking of the front door, which was still unlatched. Haldir could also hear the sound of his labored breathing...
There was panic.
Darkness.
Fear.
Haldir gasped as he awoke with a start. Beside him, he saw that Belegwen still slept; the healing sleep Linedhel had placed her in was meant to last until morning. Still, it did not look like peaceful sleep and Haldir worried for her. Her body was tensed up and her head sporadically moved from one side to another, caught in a nightmare she was unable to wake from.
He had seen her dream, a vision of what it had looked like when she had found her family murdered all those years ago. Haldir's heart continued to race as he thought about the fear the young elleth must have felt when she walked into that horrific scene. She had told him once that she was only 29 when she saw that.
29.
His heart broke for her at the thought.
Belegwen had endured so much in the last three millennia. She had fought tooth and nail to achieve her position, with nearly every possible obstacle stacked against her, and still she had prevailed in the end. Yet, Haldir knew that nothing compared to the terrible blow life had dealt her when she lost her entire family in one day.
Now Haldir was striving to make a family of his own with her. Would she be able to bear it if she lost part of this family too?
A tear made its way slowly down the contour of his cheek as he thought about how he may not return home and what such a thing would do to Belegwen. She had lost so much already. How could he do such a terrible thing, leaving her pregnant and on her own?
"She would not be on her own though," his mind reminded him, "She would have Rumil to help her."
If Rumil also died, she would have no one. No one but the ellon he had helped create within her. Would she be able to raise him on her own if she had to? Surely she had overcome worse obstacles in her life at this point?
Still, Haldir felt guilty as he thought about the sadness and hardships that would follow if she had to raise the elfling alone. An elfling would be much easier to raise with two parents instead of one. Plus, a young ellon needed his adar to teach him specific things about being an ellon that Belegwen would not understand. If he was not there and Rumil was not there, who would see it done?
Wondering if Belegwen was still barricaded in the closet within her dream, Haldir eased himself down beside her, propping himself up on one elbow so that he laid on his side as he assessed her. His free hand reached out and gently stroked her cheek as she slept.
"I am here sweet warden," he murmured, leaning down so that he could speak quietly in her ear. "You are dreaming. Do not let the darkness overcome you." He stroked her hair for a moment, admiring for the millionth time how smooth, luxurious, and beautiful her silver hair was. He would never tire of it, just as he would never tire of her.
"I would save you if I could." He continued, leaning in until he was nearly touching her ear with his lips, "Protect you, if I could. If I could wake you from reliving this horror, I would. Be strong hervess, soon the night will be over and I would have you wake up in my arms." And, as if somehow sensing his words, Belegwen did calm down after a time, relaxing slowly at the reception of his words and the tender touch of his hand.
When she was fully still once more, he breathed a sigh of relief.
Her skin was soft and firm; his fingers slid over her cheek once more with grace. Haldir found himself treasuring this moment, along with the other memories he had made with her recently.
While he did not have much time to think about it when it first occurred, Haldir had now dwelled on their kiss in the forest many times. Belegwen had sought to comfort him in those moments and it had eventually worked. Though they had been caught and forced to endure the council meeting, along with the pain of the consequences that ensued, Haldir had eventually felt a great pressure lifted from his chest upon hearing from Belegwen that he was the only elf for her.
He remembered how beautiful she had looked as she said it. The first light of the morning had been casting the shadows of leaves across her face and lighting up the shine of starlight, which was captured within the waterfall of silver hair that flowed behind her.
That kiss too! It had been eagerly welcomed after so long a stretch with none to speak of. He had loved how she had held his face so carefully between her hands and how the bond had thrummed through them both, perfecting the moment as only it could and driving the passion shared between them to new heights.
When she finally released his lips, she had held his face a moment longer, her desire and care for him evident on her face. The kiss had taken her breath away, yet still she whispered, "You are the only elf for me, Haldir."
Haldir had known in that moment that she meant it with all her heart. He had felt her complete sincerity through their bond. It had given him great confidence of late, knowing how she felt about him, even though he struggled to bestow upon her the same courtesy.
He frowned as he thought once again about his own inadequacy. Apparently, Belegwen was bothered by it enough to broach the topic with Rumil, who now seemed to know more about them than Haldir was comfortable with. Belegwen had hidden her sadness well enough in his presence, but Haldir wished to make it right if he could.
"I do love you Belegwen," he murmured in her ear as she continued to sleep, "I am sorry that I struggle to tell you how much."
And so he laid there beside her, worrying about her until the light of dawn started to slowly make its way over the camp. Haldir had hoped that Belegwen would wake up in his arms, but the sleep Linedhel had put her in was deep and she did not. After bestowing a gentle kiss to her lips, Haldir was forced to take his cape and leave her alone in the cart to begin the marches.
His declaration of love would have to wait.
ooOoo
"Rumil, may I have a word with you?" Heledhril asked cautiously, trying to figure out the best way to broach this peculiar topic. He really needed someone to know what he had seen and Rumil seemed like a safe enough bet, as he was Marchwarden Belegwen's closest friend and confidant.
"Certainly. How might I be of service to you Heledhril?" Rumil answered with his usual charm, a bright smile on his face as he prepared to rejoin the ranks for the morning marches.
"I need your eyes, Rumil." Heledhril started, quickly searching for the right words as to not scare or overwhelm his comrade. "Though Erthalion is guarded now, I sense something will happen soon. Something bad. We must be extra vigilant now, as he has become unpredictable as of late."
"How do you know this?" Rumil asked, giving him a curious look. "Has he said something to you?"
"No," Heledhril replied quickly, fearing he had already given away too much. "It is just a feeling Rumil. I think he is about to do something horrible. When I am near him, I can feel it. He has an air of malice about him. I fear what this means for Marchwarden Belegwen."
He watched as Rumil digested this information as he carefully adjusted the boots of his armor. "Then we will keep our eyes drawn to both him and her as often as possible." Rumil replied strongly as he stood back up, suddenly appearing very serious. "You should tell Haldir. He would want to know."
"I will," Heledhril said, quickly moving away from Rumil to go and find the Marchwarden before they started to march again. He easily caught sight of his billowing red cape and made his way towards him with haste.
Heledhril did in fact tell Haldir about what he had felt from Erthalion and how he felt he would act soon. Haldir had responded in turn by placing a second guard with him for the remainder of the trip to ensure Belegwen's safety.
What Heledhril did not tell either of the brothers about though was the premonition he had when he looked into Erthalion's eyes the previous night. He did not mention the sword he had seen flashing in their darkened depths, gleaming menacingly before piercing into armor.
Armor that belonged to an elf in their ranks.
Nor did he dare to mention that every premonition he had ended up coming to life right before his very eyes. The few elves who knew of Heledhril's talents were frightened of him. Thus, Heledhril had long ago decided not to share them with others unless if was born out of absolute necessity.
He was always right about these things… It was discomforting indeed.
It was how he had known to run out and confront Erthalion when he had approached Belegwen on the training grounds that night in Caras Galadhon. He had dreamt about the confrontation before it had happened and had not bothered to even get dressed before racing out of the warden's halls to find them before it was too late.
Erthalion's memory loss had only been temporary and now danger loomed for some unsuspecting elf within the ranks.
Heledhril would watch for the moment and do everything in his power to prevent his vision from coming to fruition. He knew that it was within his power to prevent Erthalion from murdering another elf…
He only wished he had seen who was on the other side of the sword.
ooOoo
I think I upset some people with my comment about 'the calm before the storm' at the end of the last chapter. As you read the next few chapters, I would ask you to keep one thing in mind: the story isn't over until it's over. Keep reading, even if you encounter something unpleasant because you never know what I might have up my sleeve next. Indeed, there are plenty of surprises in store and I am eager to share them.
Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. I would love to hear your thoughts; they often brighten my days!
-P.G.