Welcome back to TBFF! Thanks for joining me once again! A special note of gratitude goes out to mystarlight, Addy White, PrettyRecklessLaura, Gandalf007, and GuildedButterfly for reviewing the last chapter! Reviews bring such joy to authors on this site, myself included. Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you think of the story. It is always greatly appreciated.
This chapter is the longest I've ever written in any of my fanfics: 26 pages! I can hardly believe I wrote such a beast of a chapter in a week's time! Please enjoy the latest installment of TBFF.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Lord of the Rings or Tolkien Enterprises.
ooOoo
To Be Forever Faithful
By: Ponytail Goddess
Chapter 46: Truth and Tears
From inside the keep, Belegwen watched through their bond as Haldir groaned and forced himself to get off the ground quickly. A minute ago, a large explosion had rattled the entire fortress and dropped almost every being on the keep to the ground: orcs, elves, and men alike. Everyone in the caves below had felt the entire fortress tremble as well. Many of the Edain children around her were screaming and crying, their mothers working tirelessly to try and calm them down.
"They are strong," Belegwen thought to herself, admiring them momentarily as they held their children close and wiped away their tears. "They do not show their sons and daughters the fear they harbor."
Her eyes could not help but glance at Esgalamon once more, who was indeed still glaring at her. He had decidedly seen the elfling at this point and had received the news in a much different way than the other elves who had found out about it. Esgalamon was now looking at her with the reproach of one who greatly valued the traditions of the Eldar.
He disapproved of her actions.
Belegwen knew she would have to get used to these looks, as not every elf would agree with how she and Haldir had conducted themselves. They had both broken the warden's code and forgone the traditional wedding ceremony of the Eldar. They had not said their vows before Eru Iluvatar, as all the other married elves in Lothlorien had, and Esgalamon was judging them for it. Though she had tried to ignore the condemnation in his eyes, it still hurt Belegwen a bit to know that something as pure as her love for Haldir could be looked down upon in this manner.
Doing her best to ignore Esgalamon while refocusing on the battle, Belegwen caught sight of Haldir's view once more. She watched as he spit dust out of his mouth and quickly surveyed the scene before him, pulling his sword up into a readied stance.
Haldir ached all over; she could feel the burn of his muscles. Pain was lingering within him from having run into several orcs and uruk-hai at this point, as well as from cleaving orc after orc with powerful swings of his sword. There was also a new pain growing within him from being pelted and cut by fragments of brick during the explosion.
Still he pushed on, running up to Rumil to help pull him off the ground. Rumil appeared disoriented for a moment, but did get onto his feet with Haldir's assistance. Belegwen could see a shallow gash covering the top of Rumil's forehead that was starting to bleed. Haldir wiped the blood away from his brother's forehead with his rain-soaked hand before adjusting the grip on his sword and pushing Rumil to the side so he could attack an orc that was approaching his brother from behind.
His sword flashed in front of his eyes as lightning lit up the sky once again. Haldir shouted as he beheaded the orc before him with one double-handed swing of his sword. The orcs were now getting up again and beginning to swarm around the elves and men once more as additional ladders continued to appear at the top of the keep.
Belegwen gasped as Haldir grabbed the top of the nearest ladder and started to push it back towards the ground. An uruk-hai who was near the top of the ladder swung a crude metal weapon at Haldir. He narrowly missed Haldir's arm before starting to scream as the ladder fell backwards towards the ground.
With Rumil joining him at his side, Haldir charged into a large melee of orcs, elves, and men, clashing swords with orc after orc in a stunning display of strength and valor that Belegwen marveled at from her spot within the caves. Truly, the Lorien brothers were both devastating warriors, leaving a trail of evil's carnage in their wake as they battled on and on, never stopping or faltering in their duty.
Slash after slash, she watched as Haldir raged through the crowd, battling each orc he came upon amidst the heavy rains of the thunderstorm. Belegwen admired his capable body and the sheer willpower he had to press on through the physical and emotional pain of the endeavor. Though elves and men fell around him, he paid them no heed, focusing instead on mortally wounding the evils that surrounded him.
He was focused.
In Belegwen's eyes, he was magnificent.
Fighting back to back with Rumil, the two defended one another, much in the same way that he had fought alongside Belegwen when they had faced the warg riders. While Haldir could not determine in advance what Rumil would do, both brothers were familiar enough with one another that they could fight confidently in this manner and for several minutes, they did. Blow after blow, they defended one another from the unending onslaught of orcs clattering up the massive ladders.
As fate would have it though, Rumil ended up drawn away from Haldir by a particularly large and persistent uruk-hai. He purposelfully lured Rumil away from Haldir and started to try and push him over the wall of the keep with the help of the large metal bar he wielded as a weapon. Rumil struggled against the monster's brute strength, bracing himself as best he could against the wall of the keep to prevent himself from falling.
The moment Haldir lost sight of his brother, he panicked. Making quick work of the two orcs he was dealing with, Haldir ran towards the uruk-hai who was trying to force Rumil over the edge and beheaded him with ease. A look of relief was present in Rumil's eyes as he acknowledged Haldir with a pat on the arm before launching himself back into the battle.
Haldir followed, stopping only when he heard one of the humans shouting for him to call the soldiers back from the keep. Belegwen heard Haldir's voice booming through the night, commanding all the elves to fall back. Immediately, she saw them obey and run towards the entry points of the fortress, striking at orcs with their swords and long knives to blaze trails towards their destinations.
He motioned to Rumil to go to the keep as well. Belegwen listened as they argued for a moment, Rumil clearly not wanting to leave Haldir's side. Haldir insisted though and Rumil eventually bowed to the will of the marchwarden, turning away from him even though Belegwen and Haldir could tell it was the last thing he wanted to do.
Belegwen watched through Haldir's eyes as Rumil ran towards the keep. Yet Haldir lingered, shouting and making his way through the crowd to try and attract the attention of more elves who had not heard the command through the noise of the storm and the cracking of metal hitting metal.
He refused to leave any of his soldiers behind.
Haldir cleaved orc after orc as he tried to call all the elves in, but with the numbers of the resistance dwindling as they obeyed his command, the number of orcs around him became too great. Belegwen started to feel alarmed and stood up as she realized what was about to happen, though there was nothing she could do to stop it. As Haldir took yet another orc to the ground, a second one approached him and landed a painful blow to his forearm, the jagged metal of his weapon cutting straight through his armor and into his bone.
Belegwen and Haldir both screamed as they were barraged with the pain that started coursing through his arm. Haldir drew his arm against his body and quickly stabbed the orc that had wounded him. He was gasping in pain as he turned to try and regain knowledge of his surroundings, still shocked that he had been wounded.
Trapped between her reality and her mind's eye, Belegwen was only minutely aware of Linedhel and Esgalamon rushing up to her. She could see they were both in front of her, speaking to her, but she could not hear their words. All she could hear were the sounds of the battle that continued around her. She could barely feel their hands gripping her shoulders, but instead was focused on the excruciating pain in Haldir's arm.
Haldir was disoriented and struggled to continue on while trying to deal with the pain in his arm. His ears were throbbing, the sounds of the battle blasting in and out of his hearing repeatedly. Belegwen panicked as a wave of dizziness passed through him, blurring his vision momentarily. He swayed as he tried to stay on his feet.
He was too busy dealing with the pain to see the final uruk-hai arrive behind him…
They both screamed again as Haldir took a terrible blow to his back, the pressure and pain of it rendering him completely helpless and bringing him quickly to his knees. Belegwen felt her legs collapse beneath her as well and watched as Esgalamon and Linedhel caught her and lowered her to the ground, both of them looking panicked now. She watched as Linedhel put his hand to her forehead and vaguely felt him trying to heal her.
She wasn't the one who needed healing though.
Belegwen watched as Haldir stared at the pile of dead beings before him. There were orcs, men, and several of their own soldiers lying wide-eyed and still to the world on the ground before him. Pain of a different sort washed over him as he blamed himself for the soldiers' deaths. If only he had done a better job of leading them, she heard him think to himself, perhaps they would still be breathing now.
He grew cold and weak. Belegwen could feel him fading fast and could hear the sound of the sea billowing into his ears. Not knowing what else to do, she fully entered her mind's eye approached his broken body. She watched him tremble as she bent over him slowly, a look of horror plastered upon her face.
The damage he had sustained went well beyond what she was capable of healing. He was too far gone now; she desperately tried to think of something that might save him, though she knew in her heart that there was nothing she could do.
All her coherent thoughts were forgotten though as his uninjured hand weakly reached up, as if to touch her one last time. Belegwen quickly knelt down before him and grabbed that hand, squeezing it tightly to her chest with both of her own. "No…" She murmured airily, her eyes wide with fear for him as she listened to him struggle for air.
His mouth started to open, his jaw trembling as he tried to speak to her, but no words came out. "Save your strength," Belegwen whispered, pulling one of her hands away from where she clutched his hand against her chest. She lightly touched his face, rubbing her fingers over his lips as he shook helplessly beneath her. "You need not say anything right now."
"No…" She heard him choke out, "You must… see."
Belegwen watched in horror as a droplet of blood appeared at the edge of his mouth and started to trickle down the side of his face. She felt the hand she had pushed against her chest move once more, grabbing her chin shakily and bringing her face closer to his.
"See how I've… loved you… forever." He sputtered, more blood dripping from his mouth as he reached for her forehead. When he touched her there, a series of memories flowed through her mind. Old memories of his from when they had first met…
ooOoo
Haldir could barely think straight from the pain of his wounds, but he wanted Belegwen to finally know the extent of his true feelings for her and he knew this was his last chance. He did not have the strength to tell her the story with words though. Thus, he started by showing her the memory he had of the day they first met…
Birds chirped as sunlight glistened through the golden treetops at the northern border of fair Lothlorien. After running back through the treetops, Haldir jumped down from a high branch and landed back onto the leaf-shaped talan he worked from with a small thunk.
He was carrying three damaged hithlain ropes and a small assortment of knives and daggers that were blunt. He had brought them over for Marchwarden Annondel to check, as he had been commanded to inspect and inventory the equipment on five nearby talans and report back to him immediately with anything that needed replaced. The ropes certainly needed replaced, but Haldir was unsure about the knives and daggers. Surely a quick trip to the blacksmith's shop could salvage those, right?
He walked quickly around the corner to see if Annondel was waiting for him with Bragolith when he suddenly stopped upon seeing an unfamiliar face. There before him stood a rather youthful elleth of average height, dressed in a simple lavender gown that clung to the top half of her slender form in a very pleasing manner. What really caught his attention was her silver hair, which practically glowed as bits of sunlight flowed through the leaves, illuminating it before his wide blue eyes.
Dearest Valar, she was the most beautiful elleth Haldir had ever seen!
When her blue eyes met his own though, he could see that something was wrong with her, for her face held no joy whatsoever. Her eyes were sad, as if she had not been given anything to smile about in a long time. Immediately, Haldir wondered if there was anything he could do to help her.
"Haldir, we have a guest my friend!" He heard Bragolith call out to him cheerfully, standing up and stepping out from behind the elleth with a mischievous look on his face that Haldir had come to know all too well and had learned to dread.
"This is the lady Belegwen, Lord Celeborn's ward. She has accompanied him to the border today to get a change of scenery. Belegwen, this is Haldir. He is my friend of old and we have shared this watch talan together for many years now." Bragolith said, smacking Haldir on the back for good measure.
Trying not to become too flustered over her beauty, Haldir gave a small nod to the young elleth and said calmly, "Welcome Belegwen. It is nice to make your acquaintance."
"Likewise, Haldir," she replied with a nod. Belegwen looked as though she was about to say something more to him, only to be interrupted by Bragolith openly putting his arm around her shoulders and smoothly starting to walk her away from Haldir and towards the talan's edge. Haldir watched her face and noticed that she appeared to be very annoyed with this treatment. If Bragolith noticed this though, he chose not to acknowledge it because he left his arm around her even when they had gotten fairly close to the talan's edge.
"So, what do you think of the scenery, my lady? Does it suit you?" He asked, standing entirely too close to her for her liking while puffing himself up to try and impress her somehow. Haldir rolled his eyes at the show his friend was putting on for her. Bragolith was definitely laying it on thick today.
Belegwen did not look impressed though. Really, she just looked irritated and uncomfortable. Haldir watched as she carefully extracted herself from his grip while saying, "It is nice enough, but I would much prefer to explore it for myself, thanks." She then turned to walk away, but not before Bragolith had blown her a kiss, which seemed to further exasperate her. Immediately, she took herself out of the uncomfortable situation and walked away from the wardens.
"Good going. You deserved that." Haldir mouthed to Bragolith as he shrugged off her rejection, trying not to appear ruffled by it. Bragolith was not used to being denied, as his handsome looks and 'friendliness' were very popular with ellyth in Caras Galadhon.
"You try then, if you are such an expert!" He mouthed back, crossing his arms and watching Haldir closely, waiting for him to pass on his challenge as he always did. Haldir had never been one to flirt with ellyth or put on some big show for them. It was simply not his way of doing things.
Haldir was getting rather sick of Bragolith's attitude recently and decided right then and there that he would indeed approach Belegwen, even if he was not capable of flirting as Bragolith did. With that thought in mind, Haldir watched as Belegwen walked to a different side of the talan and stood there peering into the distance. Haldir put down the weapons and rope he had gathered for Marchwarden Annondel and then raised his eyebrows at Bragolith before walking over to her.
"Have you ever been to the border before Belegwen?" Haldir asked her, coming to stand beside her at a safe distance, resting his hands comfortably behind his back. She looked curiously at him for a second and then, noticing his much different approach, seemed to relax a bit.
"No, this is the first time I have ever left Caras Galadhon." She replied quietly. "Lord Celeborn thinks that since I am about to come of age, I should familiarize myself with more of Lothlorien. That is why he invited me to accompany him on this journey today."
"And what do you think of fair Lorien so far?" Haldir asked, smiling at her as she stared into the distance. Silently, he admired how the wind was blowing strands of her glorious silver hair around behind her. It looked soft as silk and shiny like precious metal. Oh, how Haldir wished he could touch that hair, even if it was just for a second!
"The forest was lovely, if not a bit lonely. I fear I have become very used to the hustle and bustle of city life. It was almost a bit too quiet for my taste as we journeyed out here this morning." She said gently. While she did not look over at him while speaking, Haldir could see her countenance softening while she conversed with him.
He smiled, looking over at her as he replied. "It can be quiet, yes, but I think if you watch carefully, you will find the forest teaming with life, just in a much different way than in the city. The animals and plants are very much alive and active. You simply need to know what you are looking for to see it."
Getting an idea, Haldir walked to the other side of the talan and climbed onto an easily accessible branch of the tree. He turned back and saw Belegwen watching him curiously. Signaling for her to come and join him, Haldir smiled as he saw what he was looking for. While she first appeared a bit indecisive about approaching, Belegwen did eventually walk over to join him.
Haldir held out his hand to her, hoping she would accept his help onto the branch. Still, he was surprised when her lithe hand took ahold of his own, causing him to exhale quickly as his stomach filled with butterflies. Belegwen's hand was pleasantly soft and warm. Her hand fit comfortably into his larger hand and Haldir was able to pull her onto the upper branch with ease.
Once she was balanced on the same level as him, Haldir held a finger up to his lips and then carefully pointed out a parliament of owls sleeping in a nearby tree hollow. They admired them for a few minutes and then Haldir pointed out a couple of foxes scurrying through the shrubbery below them, their orange and white-tipped tails brushing through the plants behind them. He next pointed out a kaleidoscope of multicolored butterflies passing through the grasslands outside the border and a gaggle of geese that flew in a v-shaped formation above them.
Every time he pointed something out, he watched as Belegwen's eyes marveled at them. He wondered if she had ever seen anything like this before in her short life. Since she was only 49 and had never left the city before, perhaps it was all new to her. After pointing out a few more insects and a couple of wild horses roaming the plains, Haldir jumped back onto the talan from the branch and offered Belegwen a hand to help her down.
Belegwen did not want to be helped though; Haldir watched in shock as Belegwen jumped down just as he had, landing rather gracefully next to him on the platform. She was brave, this elleth! This impressed Haldir, as he had never seen an elleth do something quite like that before.
"Do you now see how our forest teams with life? There is no loneliness to be had here Belegwen. Things are always happening if you look for them." Haldir said with a smile, and for a brief second, he thought he might have seen her smile too.
While her face was once again serious, Belegwen still looked more confidently at Haldir than she ever had before when she answered. "I do see it now. Thank you Haldir, that was wonderful. You must be very observant to notice those things so easily."
Haldir beamed with pride at her compliment. "I am a warden of Lothlorien, my lady. It is my job to notice and observe."
Belegwen looked at him for a minute, appearing to study him closely, which perplexed Haldir. "Have we met before Haldir? You look very familiar to me."
"Not that I know of, my lady." He answered, wondering if she had seen him around the city before. Haldir was certain that he would have remembered such beauty as hers if they had met before. "Perhaps you have seen me in Caras Galadhon before?"
"Perhaps…" she muttered, looking unconvinced. Haldir could tell she was still trying to figure out where she may have met him before.
"Perhaps you have caught sight of me as well, my lady!" Bragolith chimed in as he approached them once again, apparently unwilling to give up on Belegwen's attentions. "Many have said that I am fair to the eye. Do you not agree?" He asked, taking her hand in his own and laying a kiss upon it after winking at her.
Oh, Bragolith… Haldir rolled his eyes as Belegwen walked away from them once more without answering. "She thinks you are being disrespectful," He silently mouthed to his friend, "She is Lord Celeborn's ward—you are going to get us both in trouble with Annondel!"
Indeed, Haldir was worried because it would not be the first time Bragolith had drawn him into a troublesome situation. Marchwarden Annondel was adept at sniffing out misbehavior, having transformed hundreds of irresponsible young ellyn into hardened warriors at this point. Haldir did not want to be in trouble again; he had already suffered through running many laps around the training grounds on account of Bragolith's shenanigans!
"Why do you get to have all the fun? It is not fair!" Bragolith mouthed back to him, seemingly whining. Haldir knew precisely why; Belegwen was a beautiful elleth who was not returning his attentions, which only made Bragolith want to try for them even more. What he could not see was that doing such was certain to make her dislike him all the more. It was obvious to Haldir that Belegwen was not the sort of elleth who enjoyed flirting…
Well, at least not the kind of flirting that Bragolith enjoyed. Dearest Valar, Haldir could not for the life of him understand how he could be so incredibly forward with every single elleth he met!
Just as he was getting ready to continue arguing with Bragolith, a soft voice interrupted his train of thought. "Are you an archer Haldir?"
The wardens turned to find Belegwen holding up a quiver full of arrows, inspecting one arrow that she had pulled from the bunch directly in front of her face. Immediately, both wardens rushed over in a panic, Bragolith taking the quiver and Haldir carefully pulling the arrow from her hand.
"My lady, you must be careful! These are not training arrows, but arrows that are designed to maim and kill enemies. They are to be handled with the utmost care." Bragolith explained, waiting for Haldir to add the last arrow back into the quiver before leaning it against the tree trunk once more.
"Lord Celeborn would be most displeased with us if you were to become injured." Haldir said as he saw her look of disappointment. "A budding interest in archery would be best explored with a beginner's bow and training arrows within the city."
"May I at least look at your bow then? I have never seen a Galadhrim bow up close." Belegwen said, looking at Haldir with eyes that pleaded for this small concession. Unable to determine a way Belegwen could hurt herself with it, Haldir unhooked his bow from his back and handed it to her.
This time her smile was well-defined and true! Haldir was greatly pleased that he had been able to make this beautiful elleth smile at last. Belegwen was even lovelier with a smile on her face and internally, Haldir secretly promised himself to be the ellon who made her smile like that again and again.
Haldir watched as her fingers traced the elaborate carvings along the cherry-stained wood of his bow. She seemed to be mesmerized by it. "Would you like for me to show you how to hold it?" He asked.
Belegwen nodded and Haldir went about showing her precisely what to do, enjoying the feeling of her fingers brushing against his own as he helped her place her hand in the correct spot to hold the bow. He had her practice holding the bow in a resting position and then showed her how to bring it up into a ready position for firing. Next, he described how to nock and release an arrow properly. Belegwen held on to every word he said, proving herself to be an attentive student. He was just taking her through an exercise to discover which of her eyes was the dominant one when Lord Celeborn and Marchwarden Annondel jumped from a nearby mallorn branch onto their talan.
"Ah, I believe we have stumbled upon an archery lesson, Annondel." Lord Celeborn said with a smile, looking at the two of them with eyes that sparkled knowingly.
Surely he did not realize how much Haldir was enjoying her company though… Right?
"Has Haldir proven to be a proficient archery teacher Belegwen?" Marchwarden Annondel asked, crossing his arms in front of him. He was also staring at Haldir with a look that told him Annondel knew precisely what was going on here. Haldir felt his face flush as he realized that both Lord Celeborn and the marchwarden knew that he was smitten with the young elleth beside him.
"Oh yes! Haldir has taught me much about the bow this afternoon." Belegwen replied with happiness woven into her voice. She looked between Lord Celeborn and Annondel for a moment, before asking, "Perhaps, with both of your permissions, I might be allowed to try and shoot an arrow on my own?"
"I have no problem with it, but it is up to Annondel, as he is in charge of these borders." Lord Celeborn replied, leaving the choice up to his marchwarden.
"Hmm… I suppose it has been a quiet enough day to allow this. I still have a few training arrows on my watch talan. You may take a shot with one of them." He replied, then quickly jumped into the branches to go fetch one. A couple minutes later he returned with an arrow that appeared to have a dull tip, as well as a small target that he directed Bragolith to bring to the ground and place in the field below.
Handing Haldir the arrow, Annondel stepped back and said, "Belegwen, when Bragolith gives the all clear, you may take your shot."
Bragolith's whistle rang out through the air and Belegwen stepped to the edge of the talan with Haldir following closely behind her. He watched as she got into the stance he had demonstrated to her earlier. "Here is where you will nock the arrow." He said, pointing to the middle of the bowstring.
He watched as she carefully readied the arrow, then started to try and pull the bowstring back as he had described. This was no training bow though and the tension on the string was great. Haldir watched as Belegwen struggled to try and pull it back. She was not making much progress, but she looked incredibly determined and was not giving up.
Not knowing what to do, Haldir became a bit flustered and then looked behind him to see Bragolith moving his eyebrows up and down suggestively while mimicking pulling her close and shooting the arrow.
Haldir blushed. He was going to throttle Bragolith once Lord Celeborn and Belegwen left.
The other two elves were no better though. "Help her," mouthed Annondel, nodding and moving his hand vigorously through the air to indicate that Haldir should turn back towards her. Lord Celeborn even gestured for him to turn around and get close to her.
Haldir was very embarassed. They all wanted him to help her, but he was going to have to get really close to her to do so. After having seen how she reacted to Bragolith, he was not certain that Belegwen would appreciate this.
"The tension is very strong on my bow." He said nervously as he watched her continue to try and pull the string back, gritting her teeth with utter determination. "Perhaps I could assist you?"
Frustrated, Belegwen nodded and allowed Haldir to step directly behind her. He carefully placed his hands over her own and stepped even closer to her yet, inhaling deeply as he felt her tiny body up against his own. He felt himself flush more as he realized precisely how much he was enjoying this and how embarrassing it was to have so many elves present while he discovered he had feelings for her.
His mind calmed a little though when the wind blew Belegwen's silvery hair against his cheek. Having wanted to touch it for a while now, Haldir marveled at how soft it was. It was just as sleek and smooth as he had imagined it would be. There was some sort of floral fragrance lingering in her tresses as well. Now that Haldir was close to her, he could smell it and he found it intoxicating.
Dearest Valar, what was this elleth doing to him?!
Quickly, before he lost all his senses, Haldir helped her draw the arrow back and held it there for her while she worked on aiming it. Through the fog of his mounting desire, Haldir vaguely noticed that she was using her dominant eye, just as he had directed.
"Say when and I will release both of our hands at the same time. Be careful not to pull your hand sideways or we will affect the trajectory of the arrow as we release it." He said, trying to concentrate against all odds as her backside rubbed enticingly against his upper thigh.
Oh dear Valar…
"Now!" Belegwen suddenly cried out and immediately, Haldir released their entwined hands simultaneously. They both listened to the whooshing sound it made, followed by a light thwap. Both of them were silent as they stood frozen together, looking down at where the arrow had landed. She was still so close to him that Haldir almost thought he could feel her heart beating.
Then it was over much too soon. Belegwen stepped away from him with a celebratory jump, pulling the bow from his hands and clutching it against her bosom. A bright smile adorned her face as she looked at Haldir and exclaimed, "I have hit the target on my first try! That was so exciting! Thank you Haldir!"
Haldir took a few seconds to enjoy her appreciation of him, though he was still chanting to himself 'she is only 49' over and over again within his mind. It did not seem to be reducing his desire for her though as he had hoped it would. Holding her against him had been torture—sweet, delicious torture that had awoken something inside Haldir that he had never felt before. The whole thing scared him a little, if he was quite honest with himself.
That smile made the endeavor worthwhile though. Her beautiful, glowing smile.
Even as he watched Annondel boost her up onto the dapple grey horse she was riding several minutes later, Haldir saw that her smile had not dissipated. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her look up at his talan and wave at him before riding off side-saddle, quickly catching up to Lord Celeborn's horse. He watched until the two faded into the distance.
"You should see yourself. You look like a love-struck pup!" Bragolith teased as he gave Haldir another hearty pat on the back. Brotherly roughhousing ensued as Bragolith continued to tease him about Belegwen until Marchwarden Annondel was forced to come to their talan and separate them. They were each assigned ten laps around the training grounds upon their return to Caras Galadhon. The teasing only became worse though when they heard Annondel muttering under his breath about how 'every time an elleth arrived at the border, at least one of the wardens lost his damn mind over her.'
Soon the ten laps became twenty, but this time Haldir did not grumble about how Bragolith kept getting him in trouble. Instead, his thoughts drifted to the silver-haired youngling he had gotten to smile.
The treetops of the golden mellryn faded into a new scene, one where Haldir was waiting on the forest floor in a garden, smoothing down the front of his tunic after checking to make sure his hair was in place. He wanted to make sure he looked his best for the dance lesson Lord Celeborn had invited him to participate in with Belegwen.
Haldir had just arrived back in Caras Galadhon from his watch a few days prior and had been astonished to have Lord Celeborn himself turn up at the door to his quarters in the warden's halls. He had personally come to invite him to Belegwen's coming of age party, which he had agreed to attend, as well as to help Belegwen practice a few dances before the party, which he was about to do now.
Right on time, Haldir watched as Lord Celeborn and Belegwen came down the stairway that led to the garden, followed by a harpist that Haldir had never met before. His eyes lingered on Belegwen though, who was wearing a sky blue dress today with a collar that rested just below her shoulders and fluttering short sleeves made of organza. Haldir's eyes lingered momentarily on her exposed arms and collarbone and suddenly found himself filled with desire once again. If only he could touch that collarbone, perhaps running his lips along it reverently…
He swallowed as she walked towards him. Something about this elleth made him lose control of himself at times. He was going to have to force himself to utilize self-restraint around her in order to maintain propriety.
"Haldir, it is nice to see you again." Belegwen said in greeting while wearing a serious, unsmiling face just as she had when he first met her. And just as he had that day, Haldir took this as a personal challenge for him to make her smile once more.
"Likewise, Belegwen. You are looking well today." He replied nervously, doing his best to push away his lustful thoughts and enjoy the moment. It became harder though when she stood in front of him, the heady floral scent of her hair wafting into his nose once again.
"I trust the remaining time you had at the border was not trying?" She asked him as she carefully inspected him from head to toe with her blue eyes.
Haldir briefly wondered if Belegwen found him as attractive as he found her. He was not wearing his uniform today, but instead had donned a fine white tunic with a black belt atop it, a pair of navy blue leggings, and his usual black boots, which he had polished for this occasion. He had left his hair unbraided today, having simply tucked a few annoying strands behind his ears that had been blowing into his face earlier.
"Um… yes. We did not run into any difficulties during our fortnight and everyone returned home safely." He said, completely avoiding the topic of how Bragolith had told Orophin of his fondness for Belegwen and how the two had incessantly teased him about it for the past week. Good thing they knew nothing about this dance lesson. Haldir knew that if they caught wind of this, he would never hear the end of it.
"Are you ready Khilrom?" Lord Celeborn asked the harpist, who had quickly set up his instrument and was sitting on one of the taller brick walls of the garden with his harp settled comfortably between his knees. He nodded to Lord Celeborn, who then turned his attention to the young couple on the patio in front of him.
"Good afternoon Haldir; I am glad you could join us today." He said with a smile, then continued, "I have been teaching Belegwen to dance for several years now, but I think this final test will prove whether or not there is more work for me yet. Today we shall see how she does with a new partner. Take your positions please."
Haldir carefully reached for Belegwen's hand, entwining his fingers with hers while secretly enjoying how soft her palm felt against his own. Belegwen's other hand came to rest delicately on his shoulder as he set his own hand down on her tiny waist. Her skin's warmth could be felt through the sheer material of her dress and it quickly started to drive Haldir to the brink of insanity.
Their matching blue eyes met in that moment and suddenly, Haldir found his confidence. Before he realized what he was doing, he winked at the attractive face that was staring up at him and immediately realized he had made a mistake, as her gaze moved down to his feet and her body stiffened up underneath his touch.
"Belegwen, you must let Haldir lead, just as we have practiced. Submit yourself to where he wants to go on the dance floor," he reminded her, quickly inspecting the two of them before he cued Khilrom to start playing. "Chin up, my dear; we always look our dance partners in the eye."
Her blue eyes bore a look of determination as they met his own. Her demeanor had quickly changed from pleasant to brooding as the music began and Haldir wondered whether it was he or the dancing that she detested.
He started to feel uneasy as he recalled a conversation he had overheard earlier in the market about how Lord Celeborn's ward had a rebellious streak within her that had shown more and more in recent years. Haldir had not seen this side of her yet, but the look on her face gave him the impression that he might see it soon.
Haldir listened for the beat and then started to move Belegwen into a familiar dance pattern, one he had performed many times over the years. They struggled through it as Haldir realized how true Lord Celeborn's words had been; Belegwen wanted to lead the dance. From time to time it felt as if they were fighting against one another for control.
Two things became very obvious to Haldir over the next few minutes: Belegwen liked to be in charge and have control over things. Neither of those things were hers to have during a partner dance though. Thus she struggled, causing Haldir to stumble in turn, though he was normally a very competent dancer.
She was a challenge, but Haldir was not about to give up. He quickly switched to a much less familiar dance and smiled when he noticed that Belegwen did not seem to be familiar with this one and was forced to follow his lead. However, this change seemed to make her frown all the more, much to Haldir's consternation.
Haldir tried to engage her and make the dance fun, twirling her several times and drawing her temptingly close to himself to make the dance more interesting. As he heard the song concluding, Haldir went to dip her downward and noticed a change in her countenance. It was an almost mischievous look that adorned her face, which Haldir had never seen before.
That was when she dropped the hammer on him via the thin, pointy heel of her shoe. It landed painfully atop his boot, right over his smallest toes. Yelping with surprise, it took all the control Haldir had to not drop her on the ground as he dealt with the blinding pain coming from his foot.
How could an elleth who weighed so little bring down her foot so hard?! Tears filled Haldir's eyes as he awkwardly pushed Belegwen upright and stumbled away, finding a seat on the wall next to Khilrom and quickly removing his boot to assess the damage. Once he pulled his sock off, he saw it—two black and blue toes right in the middle of his foot, possibly broken.
"Oh dear… Should I go fetch a healer Haldir?" Lord Celeborn asked, kneeling down beside him to inspect the damage. Haldir looked up to see Belegwen, speechless and blushing deeply with both of her hands covering her mouth and an expression of shock on her face. Haldir knew she had done that on purpose, but got the distinct impression that she had not actually intended on injuring him. That part of the fiasco had truly been an accident.
"I think I will head there on my own, but thank you for the offer." Haldir muttered grumpily, his whole foot throbbing in pain. He was very wary of his injury while putting on his sock and boot again, trying his best not to jostle the injured toes.
As he stood up and started to limp towards the stairwell, he was stopped by a delicate hand that tapped his shoulder awkwardly from behind. Belegwen was standing behind him, looking thoroughly embarrassed with herself. "Haldir, I apologize. I did not mean to break your toes. Would you like for me to help you to the healing talan?" She asked with a guilty look on her face.
Haldir sighed with frustration and shook his head. "No thank you. I will go on my own." He said, then quickly hobbled away from her before she could do anything else to him.
The scene blurred again and switched to a large garden party on the same patio where Belegwen and Haldir had danced a week prior. It was night and there were delicate lanterns hanging from several of the flowering trees and sitting on top of tables as several elves mulled about. Stars could be seen through the clearing in between several large mellyrn trees; they sparkled magnificently above the crowd that mingled amongst the blooming flowers of the garden. Some were peacefully dancing on an open dance floor to Khilrom's harp music, while others sat at tables or stood around eating hors d'oeuvres and speaking amongst one another.
It was Belegwen's coming of age party, which would continue on well into the night. Having turned 50 years old, she was now recognized as an adult elleth and was dressed as such. Haldir had admired her dress several times from afar. She was wearing an elegant midnight blue gown that clung tightly to her thin figure in all the right places, revealing just the slightest hint of her cleavage, which Haldir had not been privy to seeing before tonight. Her matching sleeves and dress train, which was pinned in a bustle at her knees, were both made of see-through organza and were decorated with a leaf-pattern of tiny silver beads.
Belegwen's hair was intricately braided tonight. A sea of tiny silver braids had been twisted into a delicate crown that looped around her head. There was still plenty of silver hair that cascaded freely down to her backside though, shiny and gorgeous as ever.
While she had definitely caught his eye once again, Haldir had chosen to sit in the background for a majority of the party, sipping wine and eating delicacies while watching Belegwen with curiosity.
Honestly, had he not already told Lord Celeborn that he would attend the celebration, he would not have come after the foot stomping fiasco that occurred a week prior. However, he was an ellon of his word and had gotten dressed up in a finely embroidered forest green tunic with black leggings and came to the party, stopping to congratulate Belegwen as he entered. She had once again been apologetic and he had thanked her for her concern, reassuring her that his foot would indeed survive the ordeal, before peeling away to watch her from a safe distance.
Haldir knew he would definitely not be asking to dance with her tonight. Belegwen did not seem very interested in dancing anyway, as he had only seen her on the dance floor twice during the last two hours, both times with ellyn who did not seem particularly interested in her. She had mostly mingled with her guests and stood around listening to elves that were recanting stories for fun, which seemed to hold her interest for quite a while.
Now, he saw that she was alone and lingering at the refreshment table. He watched as she picked up a delicate glass of red wine, looked around for a moment to see if anyone was watching her, then slipped behind a tree and into the darkened forest. Haldir gasped, as it was a well-known fact that straying from the forest paths was frowned upon in Lothlorien, as it had led to elves getting lost and stuck in perilous situations in the past, particularly when it was dark out.
Did Belegwen realize she was putting herself into danger? Haldir was uncertain, but found himself quickly walking across the dance floor to try and catch up to her before she wandered too deeply into the darkness. However, by the time he made it to the forest's edge, she had already disappeared into the night.
Haldir glanced out at the crowd, just as Belegwen had, to try and ensure that no one would watch as he slipped out into the night. After all, he did not want to get in trouble for breaking the rules, but he knew he needed to bring Belegwen back to the safe confines of the garden. It turned out that he did not need to go far though, as he stumbled over her abandoned high heels after taking a few more steps into the darkness.
"Belegwen?" He called out quietly, not wanting to draw the attention of any of the partygoers to himself. She did not answer him, but he caught sight of her after a few twigs and loose pieces of bark tumbled down from the mallorn tree he stood underneath. She was climbing high up into the tree, once again amazing Haldir as he had never seen an elleth climb a tree thusly. How did she do that, especially while wearing a tight dress? Even the wardens on the border usually chose to use ladders, as it was much easier than free climbing a mallorn!
How had she gotten up there so quickly?!
Quickly downing the wine in his hand, Haldir set down his glass beside her abandoned shoes and set about climbing after her. It took him twice as long as her to scale the mallorn, but eventually he reached the top of the tree and settled himself on a limb near the one she was on.
He looked over at her, fascinated by how she had gotten up the tree, bringing a full glass of wine with her somehow! Haldir admired her lithe form, which was leaned up against the trunk of the tree, her legs crossed delicately on the limb she sat upon while she gazed up at the moon longingly.
Surely this was the most beautiful elleth that had ever been created, Haldir thought to himself as he saw how the moonlight washed over her creamy, porcelain skin and lit up her blue eyes and rose-colored lips. Her hair shined beneath the light, feeding his new obsession with her.
"How did you climb this tree without spilling your wine?" Haldir asked curiously, unable to take his eyes off her.
She was breathtaking.
"I balanced it on my head as I went up." She said mysteriously, then demonstrated how she had set the glass in the middle of her braided crown, looking as if it was a very natural thing for her. "The poise and balance of an elleth are unmatched by ellyn."
"I have two toes that could argue with that assessment," Haldir replied with amusement, causing Belegwen to flinch and look rather embarrassed. Her violent reaction made him feel guilty for bringing it up, though he had not fully forgiven her actions yet. "It is no matter. They will be as good as new in a couple of weeks."
"You have my sincerest apologies once again Haldir, for I did not mean to injure you. I was merely trying to escape a most unwelcome dance lesson." Belegwen replied, looking back up to the moon with an unknown desire lingering in her eyes. "Lord Celeborn has been trying to get me to fall in love with a wide variety of ellyn for the last few weeks and it has become an area of contention between us. Even tonight, he has sent several my way with the hopes of swaying me from my life's true intentions."
Haldir could tell that she was greatly bothered by this and was uncertain of how to proceed in the conversation. It was especially awkward because of his own feelings for her and Lord Celeborn's very obvious intentions. He finally managed to reply and said, "Marriage is considered a great honor and privilege within the golden wood. If that is not your intention for your life, then what is it you desire?"
"A life of service. I wish to defend the golden wood as you do, as a warden of the Galadhrim. In my mind, there is no greater calling than that of defending the defenseless. I would fight to ensure that none who live here are harmed as my family was, or the countless others who have fallen prey to the evils of the world. I would defend them so that they might live peaceful lives, free from worrying about orcs and the like." She said without a trace of humor in her eyes.
She was serious and dead set on this idea, and why should she not be? Her family had perished because of a chink in the defense system. Belegwen's family was the reason there was now a new wall surrounding the entirety of Caras Galadhon. Their deaths had brought about several changes to the wardens and now Belegwen herself wished to be a part of the solution. Haldir could not fault her for that.
No, Belegwen had been bitten by the bug that had infected him and Orophin, his adar, and his adar's adar, as well as many other family members before them. Once an elf felt the desire to serve in this way, there was no turning back. There would be no other job that could bring them satisfaction; Haldir knew this, for he felt it himself. Even Rumil, who was currently 25 years into a woodworking apprenticeship, had felt it before their adar had heard the call of the sea.
Being the youngest and most sensitive of the three brothers, Rumil had feared becoming as their adar was, shaken from seeing the terrible evils of the world and driven west to Valinor much too soon. His adar's life as a warden had yielded this fate and Rumil did not want it to be his own. He had decided to try a different profession instead, which had caused many arguments in their home as their adar and naneth had prepared to make their journey across the sea.
Galadir, their adar, had reassured Haldir and Orophin though, saying Rumil would eventually come to his senses and pursue the life of a warden that they all knew he was well-suited for. Therefore, they decided to allow him to do as he wished and come to the right conclusion on his own. Now that he had spent the last 25 years crafting cabinets, trim, bookcases, and the like, Haldir could already see that Rumil's eyes were straying to the wardens more and more frequently. It would only be a matter of time before he joined his brothers on the borders.
Belegwen had somehow come to feel the calling as well. Haldir had never heard of an elleth feeling it before, but the evidence of it was laid out before his very own eyes. It would not go away or stop. Belegwen was called to become a warden and, like most ellyn who felt such a calling, would stop at nothing until she saw it done.
The realization of what all this meant stabbed Haldir painfully in the heart. If Belegwen did this, she would be in danger. She would be exposing herself to orcs, goblins, wild men, wargs, and much more. The evil would weigh heavily upon her heart, just as it did to all of Lothlorien's wardens. It was a steep price to pay for the peace of their city. A steep, steep price.
Haldir noticed Belegwen was smiling at the thought of it though. He could practically picture the image of her in a warden's uniform dancing through her mind. He knew she was thinking of it as she gazed up at the moon once more, sipping the wine she had managed to bring up the tree with her. Was this really the only thing that would make this depressed elleth happy?
"You disagree with this idea; I can tell," Belegwen said in a low voice as she stared down at him. "Everyone I tell disapproves, but I do not understand why. Is it not a noble idea?" She asked quietly.
He stared up at her, suddenly realizing that she wanted his approval for some reason. "It is a noble idea," he started, weighing each of his words carefully before he said them. "I am certain that everyone is simply concerned for your safety and welfare. Being a warden is a dangerous job and you could become injured easily under the right circumstances. Those who disapprove care about you enough to desire your safety. I would include myself in that number."
There was an awkward silence between them that lasted for several moments while Belegwen contemplated his answer. "I am to start my training next week. Lady Galadriel has approved it and Lord Celeborn has begrudgingly agreed to teach me, although I am certain he will continue to try and pawn me off on a few well-intentioned ellyn. I know he hopes to change my mind." She said with a sigh.
"Are you certain this is truly what you want?" Haldir asked her, looking for sincerity within her eyes. "Will being a warden make you happy?"
"Of course," Belegwen replied softly, smiling down at him before finishing the last swig of wine in her glass, "It is all I have ever wanted."
"Then I wish you the best of luck on your endeavor. Come, let us return to the party before your absence is noticed." Haldir said with a twinge of regret in his voice as he secretly resigned himself to watching her from afar rather than courting her as he truly desired.
The scene swirled around once again and Marchwarden Annondel came into view on the training grounds, stopping in front of Haldir. He did not notice the marchwarden at first though, as his eyes were trained on the archery arena, watching as two figures worked together. Belegwen was shooting arrows at a target while Lord Celeborn spoke with her, offering helpful hints and sometimes adjusting her form in relevant ways to improve her shots.
Haldir was impressed with how far she had come over the last few months. Perhaps she would be able to pass the warden's exams after all…
The sound of a clearing throat drew his attention back to Annondel, who was looking grumpily down his nose at him. "Haldir, I know you find that elleth pleasing and what you do in your free time is your own business. On my time though, your attention must be on me. You owe me five laps around the training yard, now. Complete them in five minutes or you will try again."
"Five minutes, sir?" Questioned Haldir, shocked at this new challenge. He had never been given a time limit for his laps before. Surely Annondel did not mean it…
"Five minutes. You have been watching her and ignoring my training sessions for weeks. I have reprimanded you for it several times now. From here on out, you will either learn to pay attention to your training or you will suffer the consequences. Court Belegwen on your own time, not on mine." Marchwarden Annondel commanded mercilessly.
Thus it was that Haldir sprinted around the training grounds as fast as he possibly could while Annondel timed him. It took him four tries, but eventually he was able to run the laps in five minutes. And though he had schooled himself that night over how he would not look at Belegwen at all the next day, he had found himself sprinting the laps again a day later. It seemed that Belegwen was an addiction he could not easily quit.
The memory swirled into another, one where Haldir was leading Belegwen down one of the streets of Lothlorien. A couple of centuries had passed and Haldir had been made into Marchwarden Annondel's messenger, a great honor Haldir had received because of how fast he was able to run, thanks to the countless laps he had run over the last two centuries for staring at his beloved.
Oh, how he had tested Annondel's patience… However, the marchwarden could not ignore the fact that Haldir could run five laps around the training grounds in under three minutes, which was much faster than any other warden in the golden wood. Because of this, Annondel used him as his messenger to send word between the borders and Caras Galadhon, knowing Haldir could complete the trip nearly twice as fast as anyone else.
This evening's assignment did not require speed, though Haldir walked quickly anyway. Today he had simply been sent to the healing telain to fetch Belegwen into a meeting with Marchwarden Annondel and Lord Celeborn.
Haldir glanced at her and admired how she looked in her warden's attire, walking quickly beside him in silence. Her right shoulder was in an extensive sling that was pulled tightly against her body with two leather straps.
"Does it hurt a lot?" He asked quietly, interrupting the silence between the two of them. Neither one of them had said anything for nearly ten minutes as they walked through the city.
Belegwen had been on the border during the last patrol, one in which several orcs had launched an attack on Lothlorien. While most of the wardens had faired pretty well in the battle, Belegwen had been slashed across her shoulder and the orc's sword had penetrated her upper back all the way down to the bone. Haldir had not been at the border to witness it, but had feared for her when news reached Caras Galadhon that she was wounded.
"It is nothing I cannot manage." She said tersely. Belegwen was very tense and Haldir could understand why. This meeting was probably concerning her injury and would likely prove to be unpleasant.
Marchwarden Annondel had been very reluctant to allow Belegwen to join the wardens. Even after she successfully passed her exams, he had not made things very easy for her. Haldir thought the marchwarden tended to hold Belegwen up to a higher standard than the other wardens. Belegwen had seemed to take it in stride though, resolving to follow his directions without hesitation and doing the best she could to not draw unwanted attention to herself.
As they climbed up the stairs of the city's largest mallorn tree together, Haldir wondered if what all the other wardens were saying was wrong. Many of them had spent the last two centuries wagering on how long Belegwen would remain a warden. Some had wagered that she would find a husband amongst them and leave within a certain amount of years. Some had wagered that she would leave at the first sign of trouble on the border; those elves had lost because she had dealt with her fair share of trouble at this point.
By far, the common wager was that Belegwen would quit once she sustained her first injury. Secretly, Haldir had hoped there might be some truth to this so that he could try to court her at last. The look on her face told Haldir that she was not ready to quit though. No, the look on Belegwen's face told him that she was just getting started and that scared Haldir.
Patiently, he had waited 200 years for her, but there was no chance of having her now; when Belegwen had become a warden, a new set of rules had been added to the warden's code. None of the wardens were allowed to fraternize with her in any fashion and vice versa. A few who had dared to flirt with her on her first day as a warden had been dealt with severely by Marchwarden Annondel. He had made an example of them and it had discouraged other wardens from engaging her in the same way.
In fact, it discouraged most wardens from saying anything to Belegwen at all, for fear of it being misconstrued as flirtation. Most wardens either ignored her completely or said distasteful things about her behind her back. Neither of these behaviors were appropriate in Haldir's eyes and he desperately wished Annondel would do something to improve their relations. He did not seem overly concerned about it though; in fact, perhaps he was hoping such talk would discourage Belegwen enough to leave the wardens.
Stopping in front of the large wooden doors that led to the meeting chamber, Haldir knocked to let the occupants know that they had arrived. Marchwarden Annondel answered the door with a severe look on his face.
"Haldir, please wait outside the doors during our meeting. You will escort Belegwen back to the healing telain when we are through here." Marchwarden Annondel said as he motioned Belegwen into the room and then pushed the door closed. The door, however, did not latch shut, but instead bounced open so that Haldir was able to hear the entirety of the meeting.
He listened as Lord Celeborn's voice opened up the meeting. "Belegwen, the city council met the night before last and many concerns were raised about your injury at the borders. Many members of the city were horrified to find out that an elleth had been injured during a patrol. I know I have asked in the past, but this time I am strongly suggesting your resignation from the wardens."
Marchwarden Annondel quickly added, "We have discussed the situation repeatedly now and we both think a resignation would be for the best. The inhabitants of the city are offended that we would allow an elleth to go to the borders when we have more than enough strong and able ellyn to do the job. Your presence is unnecessary and worrisome to many elves who only want to see you safe and living your best life here in Caras Galadhon."
"But I have only been injured, marchwarden sir. I will recover soon enough and I would like to continue serving." He heard Belegwen argue with obvious despair in her voice. "I am no coward who runs away from duty at the first sign of trouble. I am brave and I will carry on, just as all the other wounded wardens have in the past."
"Belegwen," Lord Celeborn said in a much firmer voice than Haldir had ever heard from him before, "It is time to resign. You have had your adventure, but it has become too unsafe for you to continue. There are many other fine jobs here within the city for you to explore next. I am certain we can find something else that is agreeable for you to do… or we can find you a husband. We both know of a well-respected ellon who would jump at the chance to marry you. Say the words and we will bring him to you. I am certain you will find him most worthy of your hand."
Oh dearest Valar, they were talking about him! Haldir flushed at the thought of two important city officials trying to arrange a marriage between himself and Belegwen. A part of him hoped that she would ask for him while another part of him detested the thought, as it might lead to a painful rejection once she found out who loved her.
"I do not wish to marry right now and I do not want another job!" Belegwen declared firmly. "My only wish is to continue serving as a warden, just as the others who have been injured at the borders. I am not afraid to go back and I am not bothered that others fear for me. I can defend myself and am able to help make a difference there."
"The wardens on duty have reported to me that you were injured because you were not fast enough with your sword during the attack, Belegwen." Marchwarden Annondel said, his voice lacking compassion. "Continuing on this path is futile and will prove to be a quick way to find your grave. Please hand over your leaf pin and weapons. We must end this now."
"Why are you treating me differently than all of the other wardens?!" Belegwen exclaimed, clearly infuriated with their words. "If I were an ellon, you would let me go back to being a warden once I was healed, which is what I want to do! Why can you not accept me for who I am? I am not looking for an adventure, some sort of thrill, or to defy your wishes! I simply wish to give my life freely to the defense of the city! Please, I beg you to let me go back! There is nothing else that will make me happy!"
"She speaks truly," came an ethereal female voice, smooth and mysterious. The lady had now entered the room and joined them. Haldir caught a glimpse of her as she silently descended the stairs. Her blue eyes met his own for a moment and Haldir flushed as he realized she had seen him eavesdropping. Embarrassed, he turned away right after he saw Marchwarden Annondel bow to the lady and Lord Celeborn took her by the hand.
"Though there is more than one path that Belegwen could traverse in her life, she has already chosen the one she desires. It is a path fraught with innumerable hardships, but it will ultimately lead to greatness, should her heart stay true." Lady Galadriel declared with confidence. "I must insist that Belegwen remains a warden, as she will eventually prove herself essential to Lothlorien in a variety of ways."
"Thank you, my lady," he heard Belegwen murmur. "I am pleased to be of service to the city once more."
"Is this truly wise, meleth?" He heard Lord Celeborn question. A long silence passed by as the two of them seemed to discuss the situation within the privacy of the bond they shared. Eventually, Lord Celeborn's voice conceded to her. "Very well then. Belegwen, you are being given a second chance. Use it wisely and prove yourself worthy of the concern you merit."
"I will my lord. I will." Belegwen assured him, her voice filled with hope once more.
After a long pause, Galadriel continued, "As for this ellon, Lord Celeborn speaks truly. He is unlike most others and would treat you fairly. He is one of very few who would accept you as you are right now. I think he would even be willing to compromise his own vision for his life to help you obtain happiness. However, I think he will prove himself worthy of you in even greater ways in the future, should you choose to wait."
Haldir clung to these words that seemed to be intended for him just as much as they were directed at Belegwen. The lady was definitely right on the first count; he would do everything in his power to make Belegwen happy if she chose to be with him now. He would marry her even if she insisted on continuing to be a warden. It was not what he wanted for her, but if it made her happy, perhaps it would not be so bad.
Anything to make her smile. Haldir absolutely adored Belegwen's smile.
What Haldir did not understand was what the lady had said about their future. Would he somehow be an even better match for her if they were to wait? How long would that take? Would she even be willing to marry him then?
How would he be able to endure waiting even longer for Belegwen when he already ached for her with every part of his being?
"Belegwen, I have brought two things that will help you on the path you have chosen. The first is a sword that will be much better suited to you. Her name is Nimrodel; you will find her to be wonderfully light and reliable, a perfect match for your strength and speed." Lady Galadriel said, handing her a smaller sword that appeared to be a fine elvish build before continuing.
"I also come bearing a gift to help with your training. It is a journal from your adar. He was more knowledgeable about weaponry than he let on while serving with the Galadhrim. You will find his writings to be a guide. In this way, you will receive your training from him. Follow his directions with care and you will find yourself more than adequately prepared for battles that are yet to come."
"Thank you my lady," Belegwen breathed. "I will treasure them always."
"You are welcome, brave warden. Now, let us have you escorted back to the healing telain. You are still weakened and I would see you receive your rest and make a full recovery."
Knowing they were approaching the door, Haldir quickly moved away to try and appear indifferent to what he had overheard. The lady's knowing eyes met his once again as the door opened more fully so Belegwen could pass through. Not bothering to wait for him, Belegwen pushed past him with a haunted look on her face that shook him to the core. His eyes met the lady's momentarily and he saw a sympathetic look of understanding within their unfathomable depths.
"Do not despair Haldir." She whispered to him within the depths of his mind. "There is hope yet for your plight and there always will be, even when there appears to be none. Never forget this."
Haldir felt himself nodding, his breath catching in his throat as he thought about the possible connotations of such words. Then, taking a bow before the lady, he quickly hurried to catch up with Belegwen.
"Belegwen, wait!" He called after her as he ran to catch up. She did not stop for him, but he caught up nonetheless. "I have been asked to escort you!"
"I need no escort," he heard her say in front of him darkly. "I am not some fragile elleth who will pass out from the pain of an injury and I certainly know my way around a city I have lived in for 250 years."
"I am honor-bound to my duty, Belegwen. I must, for Marchwarden Annondel has commanded it." Haldir replied, falling into step beside her and quickly assessing her current state. She looked unwell, as if she had over exerted herself by attending the meeting and she was clearly despairing over the words that had been said there. Haldir was as well though, for she had not been treated fairly by Marchwarden Annondel or Lord Celeborn.
Belegwen had been right—if she had been an ellon, such a meeting would not have even occurred. She had almost been stripped of her title for no reason than the fact that the elves of the city were upset over her injury.
Along with the desolation she wore on her face, Haldir saw something else familiar…
Determination. Belegwen was the most determined elf he had ever met and he could see that she would not be held down so easily. "I will show them," she whispered under her breath, just loudly enough that Haldir was able to catch wind of it. "I will show them what an elleth can do. I will prove myself worthy of this once and for all…" She said. Haldir watched her hand tighten over the book and sword that she held in her good hand as she said it.
The words on her lips were a veritable vow. Haldir heard truth echo from her words and knew that she would see this done by whatever means necessary.
As they walked back through the city, Haldir continued to listen as she angrily muttered to herself as though he was not even there. "I will learn to be faster with the sword. I will train until it is undeniable that I have a place here. Annondel will see it… He must see it." She pleaded to herself, stumbling a little on a stairwell they were starting to descend. Haldir quickly grabbed her by her good shoulder to prevent the exhausted elleth from falling down the stairs.
For the second time on their trip home, Belegwen met his eyes and acknowledged his presence. "You heard the whole ridiculous thing, did you not? Surely Lord Celeborn jests—there is no ellon who would marry me this way! None are accepting of my choice to be a warden except the lady herself!" She barked, growing angrier by the minute. "Would you not agree Haldir? What poor soul could bring himself to love an elleth like me?"
Haldir's words caught in his mouth and he said nothing, fearful of what she might do if he uttered his true feelings during this painful moment they were sharing. He doubted she would return his feelings, even if what the lady said held true. Haldir was willing to marry her and allow her to continue on as a warden, even though it went against his personal wishes.
Instead, he said nothing and listened as she continued on her tangent. "Only a fool could love me this way. He need not worry about it though, for I will marry no one. I will not be stuffed away in some talan, cleaning and nursing children all my days. No, that is not me. That is not me!" She shouted, uncaring of who overheard.
Yet, the words resounded within Haldir painfully and he stopped listening to her briefly while his own thoughts ran wild with fear. Her words echoed through her mind over and over again. A great pain passed through his entire being, as though she had run him through with her words, which seemed to be killing him more effectively than a sword ever could.
She would never marry? Truly? Had she really meant it or were they simply words spoken in anger over all that happened? Was it possible that she would never return his ardor for her, no matter how long he waited?
"No, I will never marry… Never in a thousand millennia!" He vaguely heard her say through his grief. The words shattered him, leaving him feeling bereft and utterly hopeless.
Lady Galadriel's words were all but forgotten upon hearing Belegwen's bold declaration for her life and Haldir fell into a haze of sorts, his mind clouded by the wound she had unknowingly inflicted upon him tonight. He said nothing more as he trailed behind her until she reached her healing telain, not even bothering to say goodbye as she disappeared into Eltirwen's talan. Even in her absence though, the pain did not go away.
No, it was only the beginning of the hurt Haldir was about to endure.
Though he had wanted to show Belegwen more, Haldir trembled both from the extent of his injuries and from the sheer the weight of that particular memory. He found he could not go on. Hearing his beloved tell him that she would never marry had scarred him for life. Even though it had happened nearly 3,000 years ago, the pain of reliving that particular memory still cut into him as if it had just happened yesterday.
How could he fall in love with her so profoundly, only to be rejected? His love had been unrequited for so long that he had given up on it. He had pushed it down deeply within himself, hiding it beneath a hardened exterior that had been strong enough to carry the burden secretly for all these years. There was only one who knew his deepest secret, the source of his unending agony…
Orophin. He had told Orophin, or rather, Orophin had pushed it out of him one night when he had witnessed the effects of her words on him. Haldir had been driven to utter distraction by her, having dreams where he secured her for himself, only to wake up empty-handed and alone in the middle of the night. He started closing himself off to others, keeping to himself more often than not and spending all of his waking hours training and running to try and take his mind off it.
It was Orophin who first noticed the change in Haldir and had confronted him about it. When he had been reluctant to speak, Orophin had literally wrestled it out of him with brotherly roughhousing that had resulted in the two talking on his balcony. Haldir had cried tears of misery as he admitted to Orophin that no other elleth would do.
He needed Belegwen, who did not want him back. Belegwen, who had vowed never to marry in a thousand millennia. Belegwen, who would always be a warden first and would never have room in her heart for anything else.
No other elleth could compare with her though. Haldir had tried to court others after her painful declaration, but always found himself yearning for Belegwen's determined eyes and that elusive smile…
And now she knew.
Haldir stared into Belegwen's shocked eyes as she looked down at him, shivering from the revelation he had provided. "Haldir, you have been faithful to me… for all this time?" She whispered slowly in a voice that was almost too high and ragged for him to comprehend.
"Forever." He promised, blinking several times as her countenance grew blurry in front of him. He was so cold now and the throbbing of his wounds were quickly growing unbearable. Haldir grimaced in pain as he choked on the alarming amount of blood that was starting to fill his mouth.
"I did not know Haldir… I did not know…" She murmured above him, the sound flashing in and out of his hearing as he watched her blue eyes fill with tears. "I am so sorry you have suffered because of me! Forgive me, please!"
"There is nothing… to forgive. I am happy… to have known you." He said, struggling terribly through his mental haze to get these final words to her.
He gasped as he felt a splash of something land on his cheek. It was a tear. Belegwen was crying in front of him. She was actually crying, the tears unhidden from his view and rolling uninhibited down her face at long last.
The world grew dim around Haldir, but in those last moments he rejoiced in seeing the tears she had held back from him for nearly a year now. To Belegwen, crying in front of him demonstrated a weakness within her, one that she had not desired for him to see. She had always hidden it from him in the past, ever a pillar of strength, even though she did not need to be.
Haldir marveled at the droplets as they passed over her cheeks and dripped onto his own face. She was no longer holding anything back from him.
Belegwen trusted him enough that she felt safe crying in front of him at last!
It was this thought that lingered in Haldir's mind as the pain finally overtook him. Watching as his beloved wife's tear-stained face faded into an unrelenting darkness, he felt his spirit start to remove itself from the body it had inhabited for nearly 4,000 years. And with that action, Haldir of Lorien breathed his last and was gone.
ooOoo
I'm sorry. Really, I am.
The story is not over yet.
I will update soon.
-P.G.