There was something refreshing about working instead of studying, Kurt noticed. As for once he was being paid for judging outfits and being the assistant to one of the people he had always admired since he knew of her existence. It was truly ego boosting when Isabel Wright praised his portfolio, which only included various pictures of some clothes he had put on together and some garments he had made either from scratch or reutilizing some other useless cloth.
It was his first time in a meeting, not actually in it, but close enough to the action; he stood there and wrote down everything that seemed important. He was there to write whatever brainstorming ideas they had down. But so far, everything he had on his agenda was a couple of boredom induced scribbles and a heart that had popped out of nowhere.
To Kurt, it seemed that they were stuck, and this happened time and time again in fashion, he knew that. And because of this he wasn't going to say anything out loud. Still, he tended to be a lot transparent when it came to his expressions, it was one of his true weaknesses.
He noticed Isabel's eyes moving left and right to her coworkers, urging them without any words that they said something; that this meeting could not finish off with zero new innovating fashion trends. However, said coworkers were either hangover or way in too deep in medications. Realizing finally, that it was useless.
Suddenly, one of the people inside the boarding room spoke up. "How about leather?" Nobody really seemed interested, the girl did sounded a bit high.
"Further explaining please." Isabel said. Out of every single person in the room, Kurt included, she seemed to be the most centered, down to earth, realistic person of all. And Kurt had to say he admired her for managing to stay part sane with the job she held.
"Like, leather but in unexpected places. Picture socks." The girl once again spoke up, and he could swear there was no way she could sound crazier.
If he wasn't allowed to speak inside, he could at least think of their ideas. It was way obvious that such an extravagant idea like leather socks, would be revolutionary but not tasty. And he didn't want to see the rise and fall of Vogue just because some girl thought tacky was no longer a thing.
"That is sick."
Oh thank god.
"But such a good sick. That's right people, lets think out of the box, I want ideas for the love of god."
Kurt didn't know what his plan of action should be, he clearly knew this wasn't a good idea, he didn't like leather most of the time, less of all in socks. But he had no voice in there, he was risking the chance at being fired and he didn't love that.
What he wasn't going to love either would be taking place in the day that would be known to history as the day style and good taste died.
Maybe he was just being dramatic.
Self-confidence wasn't something Rachel managed gracefully, and although she was always confident with her voice and her talent, it was never like this with her image. She guessed she would be forever traumatized because of all the bullying she suffered due to her facial factions, and her height, the way she dressed…
This time, as she was telling Kurt what happened was nothing different to high school; she was trying to take that invisible plastic cover away that always made her feel so damn insecure in her own skin.
"It was like I was being taken back to McKinley, Only Quinn and Santana were wearing ballerina suits." A wailing ambulance noise interrupted her, and she waited until it was completely gone to continue, this as she laced her arm with Kurt's, who was leading them down the street. "It's like a never ending nightmare." Kurt looked at her pointedly. "I'm being serious here."
She had told him all about her experience in being assaulted with insults by two juniors, whom seemed to have aging experience on the How to Bring Rachel Berry Down Manual.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. Honey, we have to let this things go. I don't know about you, but I don't want to live by this things my whole life. You have to stand up for yourself, or else you'll just be an easy target." He stated, having way overthought this for himself. He had suffered all of his life because people didn't like how he dressed or how he talked, or simply didn't like him being alive. And he overcame this.
"It's not so simple." Said Rachel, subconsciously looking at her clothes.
"Rach." He called, catching her at her own once over; he knew what this was. "You have to like yourself first for this to make an effect."
"I like myself." She protested instantly.
"Sweets, you can drop the act now, we are not in the glee club anymore and Mr. Shue isn't going to make an entire week about you." He paused. "We can talk, like normal people, we can make this as big of a deal as you want it to be."
Rachel smiled at her best friend, completely overwhelmed once again on how he seemed to know just what she needed to hear.
"I want to change the way I dress." She voiced. Somehow, it wasn't that easy to say this; she had fought by herself for this for as long as she could remember. And she wouldn't have fought if she didn't love her clothes, if she didn't identify herself with those sweaters and those dresses.
Kurt smiled slowly at her words.
"Then it's a good thing I just got a job at Vogue, isn't it?"
All those dresses and makeup and songs had felt like a lifetime had passed in front of the mirror, they had finally finished her up. She looked at her reflection for the first time since they started throw at her clothes to try on and playing with her hair and makeup, that she couldn't believe it, they had made a complete new Rachel Berry, at least on the outside.
Rachel and Kurt got to their apartment once that night exhausted or at least Kurt was, until she heard him talk with Blaine, never too tired for love. They said their good nights and she closed her curtain, deciding to go through all of her old clothes in order to toss the things that were no longer needed or no longer wanted.
She walked up to her full body mirror and pulled her hair up she had tried extensions before but this was a lot of hair to get used to in less than an hour.
She opened her closet, which she had just bought and armed herself, where there were a bunch of bent sweaters and skirts. Rachel took a long, deep breath and closed her eyes, this sweaters and skirts and knee high socks were who she was, who she had been for as long as she could remember.
This clothes carried memories with them, some still had a few stings of slushy which never came out, no matter how much she tried. There were particular shirts, sweaters or bests like the one she wore in the first glee rehearsal or the one she was wearing when she gave her first kiss and the other first kiss, the one that really counted.
But as she had so blissfully thought earlier, this was all about the new beginnings and feeling fresh and confident like she had felt trying out all of those dresses at Vogue. That's how she should feel from now and on, that's how she should feel every single day of her life.
She took the clothes abruptly out of the closet and threw them to her bed, she stared at them for a while before deciding that she didn't want any of this anymore, absolutely nothing. She felt so wrong in her body for a second, she felt like she wasn't Rachel Berry and maybe somebody else was taking control of her choices. Her old self would have never even thought of tossing her reindeer sweaters and somehow to the person she was now it sounded perfectly logical and doable.
She threw everything inside a box and there was no turning back. She promised to herself that she would never let herself feel the way she felt in those clothes again; never feel the way people had made her in those clothes.
The classroom was empty, Rachel was doing some stretching and going over a set list in her head. The clicking of some footsteps she had long ago learned to recognize over the multitudes of shoes, made her open her eyes and smile up.
"Who are you and what did you do to Rachel Barbra Berry?" Rachel didn't stop stretching and bit her lip, not knowing how to answer him.
"You don't like it? I forgot I had to get Mr. St. James' approval first."
She teased. Finishing up with her routine and turning back to see him slowly. He was smirking, as usual, but there was something else about his expression that made Rachel feel intrigued. Then, her eyes reached his and she was well aware of his open stare. Slowly, she noticed she had blushed.
"I mean, you had to remember, Berry." He smiled and his eyes now were fully locked with her brown eyes. "You look very, very nice."
"Thanks." She said quickly. "I think it was time for a change."
"Well, its…you look amazing, Rach." He spoke, his words coming out with trouble, but at last he managed to form the sentence he was aiming for.
She smiled again, of course, it was something she did now, and without noticing. That whenever she and Jesse talked, Rachel was no longer thinking on what she said or how she moved around him, what she did around him. And it didn't bother her that he hadn't minded on hiding how amazed he was at seeing her.
"I'm finally free from the dorms." He said suddenly with a grin on his face and headed to the piano in which he then leaned on. Watching her pick up her stuff.
"Really?" Rachel asked. He stared at her without a word and Rachel looked to the floor, a bit flustered. Those blue eyes were something nobody could manage to hold for so long. "Jesse?" she called to him, trying to regain his complete attention again.
"Uh, what?" he blinked rapidly and caught up with the situation. "I'm sorry, I'm just getting used to this new you." She laughed nervously and shook her head at him. "And I will warn you, it can take a while."
"Are you sure? Or is it just an excuse to look at me all you want?" She placed herself in front of him, face to face. He just smirked confidently. "So, when can I come to give your apartment the Berry approval?" He laughed out loud, letting her flirty comment hang in the air. He had to remind himself time and time again that he did not want this anymore.
"Is that a thing?" He raised one brow quizzically. "Soon." Jesse answered any way, like a promise.
"What are you doing tomorrow night?" She asked out of the blue, which earned a curious glance from Jesse and a building smile.
"Why?" He questioned casually. He had a very probable idea of what her next words were going to be.
"I thought that… maybe we could watch a movie or something." As soon as her idea left her mouth and went flouting around until topping with Jesse's ears, she felt a hundred pounds lighter and a pretty familiar feeling stood in her stomach. Didn't care to acknowledge it, though.
He smiled, he had a pretty good idea of what his answer would be, too. No matter what he kept telling himself.
"Did I ever tell you that you were my favorite in that contest?" He said, grabbing popcorn from the bowl on top of her legs.
"Thank you, but I think it was a little obvious." Barbra was singing 'My Man'. Even still with her comment, both their faces lighted up with a smile, but none was looking at the other "That contest was absolutely tricked then, you have to admit it." She continue, looking at Jesse out of the corner of her eye; he was smirking.
"No, well…I don't think it was, even if your teacher would've talked, at all, during the decision making. You were the best." He said in all honesty, not worried about bloating her ego even more and she smirked now at the TV.
"I like that you are letting them grow back." She said after the scene ended, reaching for his curls that now reminded her of when they first met.
"Really?" He asked, certainly amused at the way she got lost in the old habit of toying with his hair.
"Yeah."
He didn't want to look at her, with the way her words sounded to his ears; almost slow and tempting. And he was sure that if he looked at her face and her eyes, he wouldn't be able to restrain. And he had to, that if not for Rachel's sake, for his own.
Still, he heard his name come out of her lips and only at that command he dared to look at her gorgeous eyes, and the form of her smile, so fresh.
Her hands remained on his hair and were easily sliding down to his neck, she had been close already, but this time their bodies were so close, that he would've been crazy not to move a hand on her, or to at least consider doing so.
Her forehead moved to gracefully touch his, he could tell she was also hesitant on this but not as much as he was. As he thought this, his palms seemed to disobey him for a moment or two and moved to her waist, as he tried to feel her even closer to him. This was strange for Jesse, there was Rachel and willing to kiss him and he knew this, but he didn't want to trust his impulses.
Rachel, however, wanted the complete opposite. Their noses touched next, and it seemed like everything was moving so damn slowly alongside them, but it was sweet. She felt his lips for a second smooth and full of memories. But before she could experience any sparks, there was a knock on the door.
Jesse was about to sweat from anxiety, he almost blew it, but he almost got her.
They parted apart at the same time, a shy smile on her face. Fighting for their eyes not to meet, but once they looked up, they were locked. Until Rachel got up from the couch, still wide eyed and a faint tint to her cheeks.
"It must be Kurt, he's always forgetting his keys." She tried to say casually.
He knew it wasn't Kurt, that door could be easily opened without any need for a key, just two average strong arms and two hands. Whoever was standing on the other side of the door hadn't been at the apartment, ever. That made a bitter feeling burn on Jesse's chest. He didn't know if he wanted to be in there any longer.
She walked reluctantly towards the door and opened it with a strong pull. He could see how her small frame tensed immediately and once he stopped watching her reaction, he finally saw who the person standing outside the apartment was.
Finn Hudson.
How was it that Jesse always found himself in the same position with Rachel? It couldn't be any different with her, no matter his timing. He remembered clearly why was that he had pushed himself harder and almost impossibly so to move on from her. He didn't want to be the same old plot resource in the Rachel and Finn love story. He had thought that once and for all, he was ready to become her friend and stay out of her romantic life, but she always seemed to have other plans and he went through with them anyway.
He deserved better than some pathetic second best award in Rachel Berry's heart. And it had felt so final, when he had moved on from her, that he decided this had to be no more than a slip.
Finn smiled longingly at Rachel at first, but when his eyes landed on Jesse he scowled intensely and clenched his jaw. Yes, Jesse knew he had to get going now and so he got up quickly from the couch and tried to be as cool as possible, not wanting Finn to see the peculiar scene as something he would misunderstand later, something that would include Jesse kissing Rachel. Because he hadn't. Their lips never actually touched that way. And now that he thought about it better, weren't they broken up? At least Rachel had said so, of course, it didn't mean she was over Finn.
"What is he doing here?" Finn demanded looking at Rachel in the eye and pointing at Jesse.
"Finn..." Rachel started but before she could continue Jesse interrupted.
"I better get going now. Nice to see you again Finn. See you later, Rach." He slipped himself from the door ignoring Finn's threatening glare and gave Rachel a nod and an unsure smile. So untypical of Jesse.
He walked away from the open door as fast as he could, wanting to avoid any drama, which always seemed to surround Rachel wherever she went with the nonsense that is love.
He thought, walking out of the mistreated building, that he should have stayed a longer and maybe have a nice conversation with the two teens. But he couldn't imagine a more awkward scenario than the particular one right now. Before, he had been able to cope with all of this, because he didn't really care for what Finn would feel, but now was different. He couldn't tell if he was the one who was different or life had changed altogether.
Besides, Rachel had been waiting for this moment for a long time the one where she talked with Finn and stood up for everything and everyone they had ran over during their relationship, and without consideration. Jesse really hoped she had the same strength she had sworn to have in that specific situation.
He wanted Rachel to be happy this time around, and he also wanted his own genuine happiness. It had looked like he had accomplished that with Rachel being his friend. Perhaps, it was only when Rachel was in his life that he could truly be happy or not be.
"What is he doing here?" Finn's voice was like a slap on the face, an awakening one. He hadn't even bothered to direct a nice word to her before he started to demand answers for his questions. She turned around to see Jesse still sitting there, struggling with his thoughts. She had wanted to kiss him so badly, she had acknowledged his hesitation when she closed their faces together. But the knock had ruined everything.
If the one who knocked had been Kurt, Rachel would've murdered him later. But as it turned out, it was Finn Hudson. Her...boyfriend? She was almost certain you couldn't call a person whom didn't try to text you or communicate with you in short to four months, your boyfriend. It didn't feel so right to do so.
She was so mad at Finn for just stepping in and starting to ask questions all heated up as if it was his house. She had to stop his talking. "Finn..." She started and in less than 60 seconds she wanted to yell at him, right there, yell out all her frustrations and voice her repressed anger towards him right in his face, but another voice interrupted her before any of this could take place.
"I better get going." No, don't go. "Nice to see you again, Finn. See you later, Rach." She couldn't get herself to answer something next before Jesse was walking out of her sight and Finn's. Probably 90 seconds until he definitely left the building, and she was sure that she could catch up to him before he was gone. The thought was appealing.
"Rachel, what was he doing here?" His frown made wrinkles appear on his forehead, and only then did she take in his entire face his features scrunched and tired. She couldn't believe he was actually asking again. "Rachel?" She was just staring at him intently, trying to figure out what was Finn doing there.
"Yes?" She replied finally, standing protectively at the door.
"Are you going to let me in?" He said, irked, somehow slightly calmer and looking over the apartment searchingly; his eyes wandered longer in the place Jesse had been sitting on, as if the spot would have some kind of undeniable evidence he could use in his own advantage.
She sighed, slightly worn, and stepped aside for him walk inside her home. He had a green army backpack on his back and a black bag hanging from his hand; Rachel was amazed at how those two similar objects made Finn look oddly unknown to her present world.
As soon as he was in, he tossed the bag carelessly to the ground and stretched his fingers out. She looked with detail at every movement he made, she looked at every moving muscle and then at the finding nothing wrong or injured in his body, she concluded, he had no usable or even believable excuse on completely disappearing from the world, her world.
"Why aren't you in your uniform?" She questioned, as soon as she noticed this. His eyes left the paused TV as he once again gave her his undivided attention.
"Because I'm not in the army anymore..." He explained about his accidental gun shot and his semi-honorable discharge and she felt intrigued and torn.
"Where the hell have you been then?"
"I went backpacking through Georgia for two months." He explained easily. He was embarrassed, he said. But he perfectly knew none of that mattered to her, she would have listened and wouldn't have cared about anything in the world if it meant having him by her side, but he hadn't called or written or nothing at all.
She couldn't exchange a look with him without rolling her eyes or scowling, she wanted it to stop but she couldn't do it. Rachel was extremely confused with all of this; Finn was here and Jesse had come back to her life recently too. She didn't know what to feel, or what to say to him for that matter.
"Rachel, what was St. Jerk doing here?" His voice, which earlier had been full with mortification, now was rather defensive and rude again.
"You can hold your act, he's no longer here. And he's my friend." She said quickly, not regretting even a single one of her words. Finn had always been jealous, but when Jesse was even on the same estate as she was, he got full on stalking creep, and his temper tended to tighten.
She analyzed the couch and the forgotten bowl of popcorn on top, the movie had ended now, the screen was black. It all looked like a very sad painting to her "We were watching a movie."
Instead of any other sentence in the world that Finn was able to mutter out, any other she had been prepared for; this one escaped his lips.
"You can't be friends with him."
That was it.
"Finn, I'm really so sorry, but you can't tell me who to be friends with or who to be with for that matter. You lost that right the moment you left me at that train station." She started. "And in case you forgot his last name is St. James." She was sick on thinking twice to what he said when she was with Finn. She could snap if she wanted to.
"Oh, so that's it, you are with him now? So much for friends." He hissed bitterly; his eyes were a little bit closed and focused on Rachel.
"No! Finn, I told you, Jesse and I are just friends." She said, for the first time realizing that a small part of confidence in that statement had disappeared.
"I can't believe you, Rachel. You can't be friends with St. Douchebag!" She rolled her eyes, was it so difficult for him to just call Jesse by his name or at least his actual last name? Jesse had been completely mature, he hadn't called Finn by any of his old mean nicknames. "He made breakfast on your head!" He continued with his rant as if that would make any difference, as if this was new information to her.
"Yes, he did, three fucking years ago! And he apologized, thing you haven't done for letting me think you could be hurt for the last four months." Rachel stated sharply and took a long intake of breath, trying her best to calm herself down.
Finn was staring at her with his usual long lost face, he was fighting with his next possible reply.
"Okay, I'm sorry Rachel. To tell you the truth, I was ashamed; everything was going so wrong that I just didn't want to burden your new life here with my problems." She sighed, knowing that was the closest thing to the apology she had imagined getting. Finn was never good with words, but he tried his best and she did appreciate that.
"I get you, but if I'm being this understanding for you, you have to suck in the fact that Jesse and I are friends now, and it's going to stay like that no matter what you say or do." He looked away, stubborn as a kid that didn't want to accept that he'd lost the fight. Still, Rachel made him listen.
"Finn?" To her voice, he answered with a simple nod of resignation. And he did trust her, with everything he trusted Rachel; and even though his instincts told him to do otherwise, he nodded again his confirmation.