Rachel woke up wanting to throw up, she could smell the eggs being cooked outside her room, and she could also smell the male scent coming from her side, which was not something she was used to. Or she had ever been for that matter.

Last night, after she talked to Finn about Jesse, she decided to let it go, to forgive Finn for not calling although she would never actually forget. She wanted to understand Finn, she thought that in a level she could do so; but once she tried to be empathetic and all of that, she was once again drawn to the same conclusion; if put in the same situation, she wouldn't have left the people she loved worrying sick for four months, just because of embarrassment.

But, at last, it was enough fighting and over-thinking for the night.

They went to bed without as much as a word, and she could feel the unbearable tension that would not let her sleep until it was deep into the night. As she was finally catching a dream, his snoring woke her up, and naturally Rachel was annoyed by it; maybe it was the fact that she was used to sleeping alone, hearing absolutely nothing but her own breathing since she was a little kid. But, maybe, her discomfort around him was more than just that.

Finn was there, with her, and she reminded herself that it was what she had wanted since the day she arrived to New York. Still, as this thought crossed her mind, she recalled the night before; the part of it that didn't include Finn, she had been willing and wanting to kiss Jesse St. James. Even when, she didn't know where her relationship stood, and even now, as he laid beside her, she wasn't certain about it.

The movement on the bed shuffled her back to the present and she turned on her side to see if Finn had woken up, fortunately for her, he hadn't. Rachel put on her slippers and walked slowly out the room.

Kurt was humming happily in the kitchen as she stood there watching him cook, which she found really comforting until he acknowledged her presence and looked at her with one brow raised. He seemed curious.

"What happened?" He asked calmly without taking his eyes from her, inspecting her, searching for something in her aspect.

"Nothing, why?" She replied, too fast. He yawned slowly and finished cooking his egg to then serve it on a plate, which had been waiting by his side.

"Well, I thought you would be glad to see Finn. Excited. Thrilled" Kurt glanced at her again. "And I didn't have to put my earplugs on last night." He sat down at the table and started eating his breakfast.

"I am." She sat down next to him immediately after. "I am glad, you know? It's just that, last night we had a fight." She stopped her words right there, afraid of letting too much go. Afraid of not knowing what to say.

"And why was that?" He questioned, still apparently calm, relaxed because he wasn't feeling the anxiety Rachel was experiencing.

"Jesse was here with me when he arrived. You know Finn is not his biggest fan and vice versa." She explained, not daring to look at her best friend in the eye, knowing that it would only take that for her to spit out absolutely everything, even her inside, very private thoughts.

"I see, didn't you tell him St. James is like your brother now? I mean..." She frowned lightly at him and the odd feeling of a nervous laugh escaped her throat. "What was he doing here, anyway?" He asked taking a sip of tea from his mug.

"I invited him over, for a movie night." She managed to say between thoughts, all the explanations seemed like a plain lie to her even though it was the perfect truth. "We used to do that when…when we were dating, I just thought it'd be fun." He nodded absently at her declaration, and didn't let go the fact that she seemed to be whispering.

"Do you want to go to the park and watch drug deals go down?" Kurt said teasingly, she laughed softly and smiled as an answer. "Let's go." Kurt took her by the arm and pulled her to the door, once it was closed behind them she felt completely relieved; she couldn't talk to Kurt in there, not when Finn could be listening.

Once they were both out of their apartment and the door was securely closed, Rachel decided it was time to talk it all out.

"I can't pretend to be happy at him, he practically ignored me for four months and all he had to say for it was that he was ashamed and a pathetic ´I'm sorry´." They were walking down the stairs now, Rachel letting her frustrations out, holding onto his best friend's arm. "And last night he was so childish! We were only watching a movie! What's the big deal about that? I don't understand." Kurt was guiding her through the morning crowd, nodding and letting her know he was listening and that he wanted her to go on. "He just let himself feel at home with no one's permission and he ruined everything. I don't even know how to call him now; boyfriend, friend, someone I know? I am lost now, how pathetic is that? And..." She laughed bitterly at herself, Kurt just tightened his grip on her hand as they sat down at the most decent bench there was. "And, we would have kissed if Finn hadn't gotten there first." He smirked sadly and rubbed her back, Kurt knew there was something and he had finally dug deep enough. Silently dug, but it had worked.

"But you didn't?" He asked leaving aside the much stronger questions for later.

"No. Is it bad that I wish we had?" Her face was filled with frustration and her body tense from the cold, she was basically in her pajamas. He shook his head and smiled at her. "It's just that I felt so guilty for wanting it so much."

"Rachel." Kurt started speaking. "It's completely normal, Jesse was there when Finn wasn't and you were just trying to fill in the gaps you had with what is known for you, like Jesse." She chewed her lip for a while, trying to find the way his explanation worked with her peculiar situation. Jesse had been there too when Kurt hadn't, but she wasn't about to mention that.

"Then, why am I feeling the same if Finn is already here?"

"We need to talk." She stated coolly once she had closed the curtain again. Finn got on his feet as soon as he heard her voice, he had been sitting down and looking around with the look in his eyes that indicated he had just woken up, and he looked lost.

"About what?" He said carefree after a yawn and stretching his arms.

"About us." Her voice equally cold as before, she had made her decision, with the help from Kurt and sitting on the couch for proximately twenty minutes.

"Are you going to ditch me for you movies buddy?" He said sarcastically, there was no doubt, he was as angry as last night, his extended sleep not helping his case much. Or helping hers.

"Finn, please." Her begging instantly made his face change for a softer expression. "What are we?"

His face tilted up to look at her and then back at the emptiness of space. "Rachel, I don't want to lose you." He looked back at her with a worried look on his eyes. This time genuine, a face she could recognize and trust, and it was all it took.

She smiled at him watery and let herself land on his arms, with this statement only. "Good. Me neither." Rachel said as she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

She had made a decision and hopefully it would be the right one. Although, she still couldn't get that longing out of her lips, and the burning reminder in her head that she could've kissed him.

Rachel had told Finn he could come along to some of her classes at NYADA to seek for a new dream, even though she was well aware dreams weren't built like this. It has to be something that fills the emptiness inside. The one thing that if it came true all the hurt would go away. You singing ´Don't Cry for Me Argentina´ in front of a sold out crowd is not a fantasy, is an inevitability.

An inevitability. She hadn't thought about that in a long time but when she did she'll always smile at the memory.

Jesse and Rachel stabbed each other on the back and several times, but she always knew there was a forgiving part in their relationship. It was truly something she recalled affectionately and although it hadn't always been like this, she was thankful that it was true now.

She still hadn't reached out to Jesse, her calls being immediately sent to voicemail or saying the number was out of reach. She felt so embarrassed, it was not herself to start things and not finish them and now that she thought about it, her relationship with Jesse St. James had always felt kind of unfinished and unspoken. Rachel didn't want to lose Jesse's friendship for some kind of impulse or wanting. He had been there for her and had made her smile when she felt she never would again, it was completely normal that she had wanted to kiss him but that didn't mean it wasn't any less bad timed.

Problem was that every time Jesse walked into her life, he was a victim of timing; and this had happened so many times by now that Rachel began wondering if, maybe, time wasn't his problem. She was.

She looked...complete and stunningly happy, so unlike himself, Finn thought. He had liked New York. For the first few seconds he spent on the state, as soon as people started pushing and throwing rude words at him and kicking his bag that it almost felt on propose, he stopped liking it so much. In Ohio everything was so calm and everyone at least tried to be nice. This wasn't for him, none of it, the school, the people and the places. Everything moved so fast for him; it was almost like the city had a routine, but an unpredictable one.

He was willing to do it for Rachel if it came down to it, but this just wasn't his kind of space, he felt so impossibly out of place in every single street, in every single classroom. He felt being left behind by her. Not ever really felt like that with Rachel. This was a new stage with her and he didn't particularly like it. He liked to know how she thought and how she moved, and he was certain she liked to know this too. And this had been an easy wish to fulfill while they both lived in Lima, and they both attended the same high school and the same classes. And also, it had always been a given as into what he was going to do when it came to Rachel Berry.

She meant a lot to him, he loved her. But he wasn't so sure if he was willing to throw his own happiness away because of it.

"Hey." Finn glanced quickly to the body whose voice belonged to. Jesse St. James. Finn clenched his hands into fists and scowled to the front. "Finn, why don't we just start fresh? It's exhausting to do this every time we see each other." Finn looked taken aback, he certainly wasn't expecting that and his frown deepened with suspicion. He considered his answer for a while and instead came out a question.

"Why?"

"Because of her." Jesse pointed with his head at Rachel who was sitting down doing some kind of improvisation with a classmate in the middle of a circle. "I'm hands off this time, really. I just want to be friends with her and I think that pretty much implies getting along with her boyfriend so..." Jesse said pursing his lips together and looking intently at Finn.

"She told you?"

"She didn't have to, I mean, you're here, aren't you?" Finn nodded and smiled a bit. Once upon a time Jesse and he had been on acceptable terms, just for a few days, still, he didn't understood much of what he said, or how he acted, but he could try again, for Rachel.

"Yes, okay, we can be friendly or whatever, just, you're hands off, remember that." Jesse chuckled slightly at Finn´s attempt to a threatening tone and sat down next to him.

"It's stuck to my head, believe me." They were both looking at Rachel, each with its own personal thoughts about her. "She's in her element." Jesse said without taking his eyes off of her.

"She is." Finn sighed, way too engrossed in his girlfriend to notice Jesse was too.

"Anyway, I have to catch a class, see you later." Jesse got up and gave Finn a nod before making his way to the door and towards his class.

After that breve intermission, Finn didn't really talked to anybody in NYADA, Rachel would trail him here and there with a huge grin on her face; to dance class, singing class, and few other acting classes. She said hello to most people and introduced him as her boyfriend which made Finn sort of proud. But it felt so much like high school, only this time the roles had changed.

I used to be the man of her dreams, but now we're not even in the same world.