Welcome back to TBFF! Thanks for taking the time to read the next installment! A big thank you goes out to IthilienThranduillion, Addy White, mystarlight, PrettyRecklessLaura, hrtiu, and LetThereBreLight for reviewing the last chapter! I appreciate your ongoing support of the story!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Lord of the Rings or Tolkien Enterprises.
ooOoo
To Be Forever Faithful
By: Ponytail Goddess
Chapter 52: The Journey Home
Belegwen's eyes watched as the elves around her loaded up their injured onto the carts they had brought to Helm's Deep. They worked quickly, knowing they needed to leave soon in order to complete an entire day of marching back towards Lothlorien. Belegwen had helped Linedhel carry Haldir into the main healing cart a few minutes ago, where she had finagled his sleeping form into what looked like a comfortable resting position.
It was difficult to part from him, now that he was alive once more. Belegwen had been scared to leave her husband's side all night, fearing he might quit breathing again if she did. She knew they needed to leave Helm's Deep soon, so she repeatedly reassured herself that he would be okay without her. Linedhel had promised to check on him every hour for the first few days of the trip to make sure all of his vital signs were satisfactory. Deep down, she knew he would be in good hands.
What an incredible relief it was to have him back though! Belegwen rejoiced every time the miracle passed through her mind. Due to the arc of healing power Linedhel had directed her to create between them, Haldir was alive once more! Praise Eru Iluvatar!
Just as Belegwen started to walk towards one of the carts that needed more assistance loading injured elves, the sound of a throat clearing off to her left side caught her attention. Turning to see who was there, Belegwen was surprised to see Eregdol holding her bow and leaf pin in his hands as he approached her. He stopped a few paces in front of her and an awkward silence ensued for a few moments before he finally chose to speak.
"I think you will be needing these for the journey home." He said quietly and then held the procured items out to her. Belegwen took them both quickly, savoring the feeling of the smoothly carved wood of her bow between her hands before hanging it carefully over her shoulder. She pinned her leaf pin to her sleeveless black undershirt, right over her heart where it belonged. Having them both back felt good and she could not help but smile a little because of it.
"Thank you Eregdol," Belegwen said with sincerity, "I appreciate how you changed your vote to make my position official."
Silence fell between them for a second time as Belegwen waited on Eregdol, who seemed to be searching his mind for just the right words to say. "Well… you have proven yourself Marchwarden. I am not easily impressed, but what I saw during the battle was extraordinary. It takes a mighty soldier to march into a losing battle and turn things around the way you did that night."
Belegwen nodded, accepting the compliment wordlessly. Eregdol was not done speaking though and continued on. "During the battle, you did precisely what Haldir would have done; you looked out for everyone's safety and you got us out of a bad situation. I am grateful to have survived. Before you joined the battle, it did not seem like anyone would make it out alive. We owe our lives to you and for that I thank you."
She watched as he put his fist over his heart and bowed to her. "I apologize for making you go before the city council. I was wrong about you and I am sorry for the hardship I created."
Belegwen blinked a few times at this. She was so shocked by his apology and kind words that she had no idea what to say. He did not give her any time to make a reply though and quickly hurried away to help with the infirm. Belegwen found herself glancing down at the leaf pinned once again to her chest. She ran her thumb across the glossy green stone and felt the silver veins push into her finger. Her heart beat a little faster as the familiar excitement of being a warden blossomed within her once more, as it had in the past.
She was back to normal again…
A marchwarden of Lothlorien.
ooOoo
"Are you certain you are well enough to do this?" Rumil questioned. Halendil was not even his own son, yet Rumil found himself struggling to hand him over to someone other than Belegwen for the day. He was the only elf other than Belegwen who held the newborn elfling yesterday and now felt a bond stronger than mere kinship with the little ellon. He needed to ensure Halendil would be safe during the marches.
"Only my legs are broken Rumil, not my arms!" Bragolith reminded him, holding out his arms eagerly to receive the sleeping little ellon. "I am more than capable of holding him for a few hours. In fact, I am certain I will enjoy it, as it has been more than a few centuries since I have held one of my ion's elflings and even longer since my own elflings were this little."
Reluctantly, Rumil surrendered little Halendil into Bragolith's arms with gentle care. Bragolith was riding in one of the carts on the way home; an uruk-hai wielding a mace had broken both of his legs during the battle. Though many had volunteered to help with Halendil on the journey home, Rumil had gravitated toward Bragolith first because he was Haldir's closest friend.
A smile lit up Bragolith's face as he held Halendil for the first time. "I shall have to congratulate Belegwen on having such a fine elfling. Haldir will be very proud when he wakes up." He said with a soft voice. Immediately, he cradled the elfling up against his chest and rocked him a bit before sitting still and admiring him.
Rumil breathed a sigh of relief as he gladly heard those words for the thousandth time that morning. He was overcome with joy when Linedhel had found him and told him the news late last night. Word had spread quickly through the ranks that Haldir had been brought back to life and was breathing. The survivors were pleased to hear such good news, though none so much as Belegwen.
He smiled as he remembered the joy twinkling in Belegwen's eyes as she watched over his brother last night. As Rumil watched her stroke his brother's hair, he had seen such love and hope in her visage. Inwardly, he felt the same way. Truly, he was ecstatic. This was a miraculous event and they both knew it. Both had spent time thanking Eru Iluvatar and the Valar for allowing his return the previous night.
Speaking of Belegwen, Rumil smiled as he saw her approaching them now. Last night, Belegwen had decided she would not be wearing her armor on the journey home because it was going to be too difficult to take it on and off several times each day to nurse her son. Instead, she was wearing the clothes all the wardens wore under their armor: a sleeveless, black undershirt, black breeches, and black boots. He noticed she had her bow slung over her shoulder and her leaf pin attached to her shirt once more, pinned over her heart to signify her dedication to the golden wood. Rumil was pleased to see it.
"Good morning Rumil. Bragolith." She said, giving a slight nod to each one in acknowledgement. "Is everything in place for Halendil's day? Do you need anything before we start the marches?"
"I think the little warden seems to have all he needs for now, does he not Bragolith? Can you think of anything else you might need?" Rumil asked after he hugged Belegwen in greeting.
"There is nothing else I can think of," Bragolith replied, then addressed Belegwen directly. "Congratulations on your beautiful ion Belegwen. I am overjoyed for you and Haldir! How wonderful it was to see him holding my elflings all those years ago! I consider it a privilege to now hold his."
Belegwen smiled at Bragolith and remarked, "That is very sweet of you Bragolith; thank you for your well wishes. Oh, and thank you for watching Halendil for a while as I lead the marches. If he needs fed, just send one of the wardens near you to alert me. Gilhoth will take over for me whenever I need to come and tend to Halendil."
"I will do that. In the mean time, Halendil and I will be back here having a lovely trip down memory lane. I plan to tell him all about the mischief I used to get into with Haldir when we shared the watch talan together. Oh, what fun days those were!" He exclaimed, winking at Belegwen in a teasing way that was very much ingrained into Bragolith's nature. "I shall have to tell you all the great stories I have about Haldir sometime soon. I am certain you will enjoy hearing about the things we got into as younglings."
Belegwen looked amused and chuckled a bit before nodding and smiling at Bragolith. "Indeed, I think I would enjoy that Bragolith. Thanks again for your help today." She said, giving him a pat on the shoulder before walking towards the front of the ranks. Rumil followed behind her when she turned around and motioned for him to come along.
Rumil followed Belegwen until she led him to private corner. She then turned to face him and looked as if she was trying to figure out how to tell him something important. However, Rumil was immediately concerned when he saw the look on her face and found himself asking her questions before she had uttered a single word. "Is everything okay gwathel? Has something happened to Haldir?"
Belegwen shook her head. "That is not what I have brought you over here to talk about. Haldir is still breathing though and seems to be doing well enough. I just helped move him onto the healing cart. He is unchanged from last night. Linedhel says he has put himself into a healing sleep that will last until the pain from his injury is more manageable. Haldir himself will choose when to wake up from his deep sleep, but it could be weeks…" She said, trailing off as she started looking around behind him.
"Ah, there he is. Gilhoth!" She called out, motioning for the other elf to come and join them in the corner. If this was not about Haldir, then what was it about? Why did Gilhoth need to be here for the conversation?
"Gilhoth and I were talking last night and we decided our ranks need to be more prepared in case a marchwarden falls again. It is entirely possible that we may be attacked on the journey home and I would like to see us fully prepared with extra leaders available to take over, just in case." Belegwen started to explain.
Internally, Rumil shivered. He hated how Belegwen was speaking as if one of them would perish, but the reasonable side of him could see the need for it. After all, none had thought Haldir would fall, but he did. Chaos had reigned supreme during the battle for nearly an hour when there was no leader heading the soldiers. Perhaps it was necessary to discuss such things, even if they were terribly morbid.
"Rumil, I cannot officially make anyone an extra marchwarden permanently without permission from the lord and lady. However, if you are willing, I would like for you to function as an additional marchwarden for the duration of this trip. That way, there is someone to take over if either Gilhoth or myself become unable to lead due to injury or death." Belegwen said calmly.
His sister's composed visage while they discussed such a morose topic upset Rumil greatly. He disliked thinking about anything happening to Belegwen or Gilhoth and did not want to be thrust into a leadership role for that reason.
However, the thought of being marchwarden was pleasing to him, as he did not think he would ever be considered for such a role. Even if he was fully capable of handling the role, he had never anticipated being chosen since the current marchwarden was his own brother. Haldir always strived to be fair in his actions and Rumil knew that many would see him ascending to a higher role as favoritism on his brother's part.
He had already accepted it would never happen a long time ago, but now Belegwen and Gilhoth both wanted him to take the position. This was a quandary for him and he did not know what to do.
"Please Rumil. The way you single-handedly kept the orcs away from us while we spoke during the battle was impressive. You saved me that night and managed to push my injured body through that hoard of orcs without a single thought for your own safety. You are the best candidate for the job." Belegwen said, trying to persuade him.
"I could not have led the remainder of the troops out of that mess if I had not had you by my side. You saved me several times that night as well." Gilhoth added. "It was very impressive. I know you were tired, but you never lost your pace or concentration and that is what saved us both—Heledhril too."
Rumil sighed. He could not say no to them, though he did not think the lord and lady would want a surplus of marchwardens when they arrived home. There were already three. Did they really need more?
"I will do this for you for now if you truly think we need it, but only for the duration of the trip or until Haldir has recovered, whichever happens first. At that point, I will step down." He said, not wanting to get his hopes up for a long-term position that would not exist. "What do you need me to do on the journey?" Rumil asked, looking between the two of them for an answer.
"I will need extra help when Halendil needs to nurse. I will train both of you to lead the ranks so I can come and go as I need to throughout the day." Belegwen replied. "We will be retracing our steps to find out way home. It will be an exercise in tracking, though we will need to be vigilant as well. We were lucky to run into so few orcs on our journey here. With our numbers dwindling, more hoards might feel comfortable attacking us on the way home. We will have to remain aware of our surroundings for the entire trip home."
Rumil nodded in agreement and saw that Gilhoth was as well. They would work together and bring the elves home safely.
ooOoo
"You want me to what?" Belegwen questioned, looking between the two elves who had unyielding expressions.
"Take the nights off Belegwen. Spend them with your son." Gilhoth said, his arms folded and a look of stubbornness adorning his face. "Rumil and I will share the night shifts every night so you can bond with your little one."
"But I can take some night shifts," Belegwen argued, annoyed that they would try and deny her duty. Moreover, she felt as if her worst fear was coming to life before her eyes: her being ousted from her position because she was a naneth now. She looked between the two of them and felt put out when neither of their expressions changed.
"Belegwen, soldiers have been holding Halendil all day long while you led us. You have only seen your son a handful of times today, mostly when he needed fed and then that one time he got rather fussy." Rumil said with an eyebrow cocked up in a surprisingly Haldir-like way. "He needs to see more of you than that. We both want to give you this reprieve; please take it for your son's sake."
Taking a few breaths to calm down, Belegwen tried to see the situation from their perspective. Rumil wanted her to bond with her son, as Haldir was not available to do so right now. Gilhoth, on the other hand, was a parent himself and probably had the best idea of what actually needed to happen between a mother and her elfling. No one was asking her to step down; they were both just trying to help.
"If you insist, I will. However, if something happens during the night, you will wake me up for it." She stated adamantly. Both elves nodded in agreement with her concession and so she went on her way to go and find little Halendil amongst the elves, trying her best to put what just happened out of her mind.
It did not take long to find him, as Belegwen heard a soft voice singing a lullaby and quickly followed it until she found young Linros cradling Halendil with only one arm, as his other was in a sling, tied to his body. The young warden was sitting cross-legged in front of one of the fires, his face illuminated in the light as he sang to her little one with a light, pleasant voice. His eyes were glued to the elfling as he rocked him slowly.
Belegwen smiled at the sweet sight and sat on her knees beside him as he finished up the song. When the song was over, Linros looked over at her with a smile and said, "Halendil is a most welcome companion during these moments of darkness. He has brought me a touch of happiness on this sad night and I am very grateful for it. You may take him from me when you are ready; I will not be able to help you unfortunately, as I currently cannot move my other arm."
"I can get him from here." She said, then nodded at Linros and used both of her hands to scoop up Halendil; he was easily transfered into her arms. She cuddled the little one next to her chest immediately, finding that he was fast asleep from Linros' efforts. "I appreciate you helping out with him Linros. Thank you."
"Oh, it was no trouble at all," he replied with a grin. "I always wanted a little brother, but I do not think my parents plan to have anymore elflings. With your permission, I would like to treat Halendil as if he was my younger brother. After all, I pledged to be an adar to him, but I am awfully young for that particular title—being an older brother would be much more appropriate for me. Besides, Halendil will need someone to play with as he grows up and I think I would enjoy that task very much."
"You are more than welcome to consider Halendil your younger brother Linros," Belegwen replied warmly, surprised that such a young elf would take an interest in her son. "I am sure he would love to have someone to run around with as he gets older."
Linros smiled again, but it only lasted a second before his face darkened with sadness. "I fear I shall need the companionship just as much as Halendil. Now that Kirnen has passed into the halls, I may become lonely." He explained, as his voice grew full of emotion.
"He was my closest friend. I grew up with him constantly by my side and now he is gone." The young elf whispered, a tear gleaming in his eye in the firelight. Belegwen frowned as she saw a look of hurt and hopelessness wash over young Linros' face. Quickly, the youngling wiped a tear away from one of his eyes, refusing to meet Belegwen's gaze as he dealt with his feelings as best he could.
"I am sorry for your loss." Belegwen said softly. She felt chills pass through her as she remembered Kirnen's death from the visual of the battle she received from Heledhril. It had been a gruesome, tragic death and Belegwen silently mourned for the young warden as well, tightly clinging to her son for comfort. "It is never easy to say goodbye to a loved one."
"No, it is not." He whispered after a brief silence, his eyes looking haunted as he stared into the glow of the fire. Belegwen felt unsettled and miserable. Far too many elves had passed away in the battle, changing the lives of their families and friends forever. It was hard to wrap one's head around the pain of it all.
"I am responsible for what Erthalion did to you." Linros suddenly admitted, looking down in shame. "It is all my fault that he stabbed you and made you birth your son too early. I am so sorry Marchwarden. I failed you."
Belegwen became perplexed she stared at the look of disgrace on the young warden's face. "Why do you think it is your fault Linros?" She questioned calmly, confused about what had made the youngling think of himself thusly.
"Because…" He started, letting out a small sob before hiding his face from her by looking in the other direction. "Marchwarden Haldir assigned Kirnen and I to watch Erthalion during the battle and keep him away from you. Neither of us was able to complete the task though. He ran away from Kirnen when he was under attack and then he stabbed me when I tried to keep him from approaching you." He said, wiping his tears away before turning to her again and pointing to his shoulder. His expression was one of absolute misery.
Breathing in deeply, Belegwen braced herself before broaching the topic; she was not pleased to be addressing it. The young warden needed to hear about it though, so she decided to address the issue immediately. "Linros," she said in a stern voice, full of the authority she had earned over the last year. When she could tell he was fully paying attention to him, she continued.
"I will only say this once, so listen and listen well. You are in no way, shape, or form responsible for the actions of that elf. Erthalion is the only one responsible for his actions. It was he who chose to err, acting on his jealousy by seeking revenge in the only way he knew how. It is no one's fault but his own. Do not take his guilt as if it were yours. There is enough to mourn over now without adding on more pain that is not even pertinent."
"But it was my duty to protect you and I failed!" He exclaimed, the pain of his failure evident on his face. "When I tried to keep him away from you, he stabbed me and I was in too much pain to follow him! You and this elfling could have been killed!"
"We were not though and you stayed with him as long as you were able. That is all anyone would ever ask of you Linros. It is done now and Erthalion is dead, so it is time to let go of your guilt. I will not hold this against you because you did nothing wrong." She explained, quickly looking down at Halendil when she heard a small cry escape the newborn's lips. "Now, let go of this and get some rest. We have a long journey ahead of us."
"Yes Marchwarden," Belegwen heard him reply as she stood up, trying to rock her little elfling as she started to walk through the camp. His cries grew more persistent though, telling her that he was once again hungry. Belegwen found herself hurrying back to the healing cart to tend to the newborn's needs and visit Haldir.
Upon arriving, she found that Linedhel was gone, possibly out tending to the many wounded who were being toted home in the carts. Working speedily to soothe her elfling, Belegwen planted herself in a sitting position next to where Haldir was lying and lifted her shirt to feed the youngling. Indeed, Halendil was immediately calmed, his cries being replaced with suckling noises as he enjoyed his meal. Breathing a sigh of relief, Belegwen tried to relax and lean up against the cabinets while he ate.
After a while, her eyes fell on Haldir. She studied his sleeping form, noticing that someone had cleaned him up a little bit since last she saw him. His skin was no longer covered in orc blood, though she could still see some caked in his golden hair. As far as she could tell, Haldir appeared to be in a relatively peaceful state. His chest continued to move up and down, much to her relief. When she touched him, she found that his skin was still warm.
"Are you ready to meet your ada?" She asked Halendil when he let go of her breast. "He is here—he will hold you now."
And indeed, she saw to it that he did. Once Belegwen pulled down her shirt, she contorted Haldir's arm to accommodate the newborn elfling and set his sleeping body down in the space she made. She held Haldir's arm in place to ensure the little one would not fall, stroking Haldir's hand lovingly all the while. She admired how Halendil looked while cradled in between her husband's muscular arm and his body. Belegwen found it rather endearing to see Haldir's strong form holding the helpless little elfling as he slept.
"You are holding your son for the first time Haldir," she murmured quietly in his ear, hoping that somehow he might realize what was happening and wake up to enjoy the moment. "He is two days old now. I have named him after you. He is called Halendil and he already looks a lot like you."
Belegwen waited and waited, hoping to receive some sort of response from him. She tried not to feel discouraged when Haldir did not wake up, but instead resigned herself to trying to rouse him with the elfling every night until he finally did awaken. She knew he was very excited about the birth of the youngling. Surely he would wake up and meet his son soon.
"We both love you Haldir and will be waiting for you when you finally awaken." Belegwen assured him as she snuggled up next to his strong arm and promptly fell asleep.
ooOoo
Over the next month, Belegwen found herself falling into a strict schedule. She would lead the marches all day long, tracking where the elves had been and looking for any possible signs of danger along the trail back to Lothlorien.
All the walking she was doing had helped her body recover from the birth quickly and she found that her sword belt fit around her waist again, albeit tightly. It was comforting to be able to wear Nimrodel once more and Belegwen felt more like herself with her trusty sword by her side.
Both Gilhoth and Rumil were always with her, one of them ready to take the lead at all times when Halendil was in need of her. Rumil had also proven to be very helpful with the newborn, making himself useful by cleaning and changing diapers frequently, as well as always finding time in his day to hold his darling nephew.
Belegwen enjoyed watching Rumil dote on her son; he often sang and told stories to the little one and was surprisingly gentle with him, always appearing a bit worried about hurting the little one when he received him. Halendil usually put his full attention on Rumil when he was in his arms and had taken to smiling at his uncle, which Rumil bragged about every night to anyone who would listen.
No one seemed annoyed by hearing about the elfling regularly. In fact, many elves were interested in how Halendil was faring and would often ask Belegwen or Rumil about him after a long day of marching. Belegwen was surprised by how many soldiers truly seemed to care about what happened to the little one.
There also never seemed to be a shortage of soldiers who were willing to hold him during the day. Belegwen found herself fascinated with the way these hardened warriors would show a very different side of themselves around her son. She saw many of them in a new light for the very first time—not as wardens, but as fathers, uncles, brothers, and friends. All who had made the pledge at Helm's Deep treated Halendil as if he was their very own son and Belegwen soon discovered there was little to worry about during the day, as no one in their ranks was going to allow Haldir's son to want for anything.
Belegwen had overheard many of the soldiers speaking to Halendil and was always interested to find out what they were telling him. Bragolith always spoke to her son about his misadventures with Haldir and all the laps they earned for disobeying Marchwarden Annondel back in the day. She had heard several of the soldiers telling him their favorite memories of Haldir and about what made him such a good leader. Some told stories from the first and second ages to the youngling, who was a fairly attentive listener. Others sang the most beautiful songs to him or spent time naming things around them so the littlest warden would learn.
Then there was Linros, who seemed to get a hold of the elfling at some point during each day. Linros seemed to have the most interesting of conversations with Halendil. So far, Belegwen had overheard him telling her son about ways to annoy Lord Celeborn when he was in his private study, how to pull a variety of pranks in the dining room, and how to best flirt with ellyth. That last topic had been a bit over the top, but when Belegwen had seen the animated looks and joyous smile on the young warden's face as he spoke, she decided to let it slide.
Indeed, Halendil seemed to be a light in the darkness amongst the elves in their camp. The mood was mostly somber during their journey home, with many elves mourning the loss of loved ones or suffering from the pain of injuries. There was something about Halendil though. He seemed to brighten the mood of most anyone with a mere smile or glance.
At night, Belegwen would walk amongst the ranks until she located her son. She would then take the little elfling to the healing cart and nurse him, then rest him in the crook of Haldir's arm for the duration of the night. All the while, she would talk to Haldir about whatever happened to pass through her mind. Many times she would try to coax him to wake up; occasionally she would attempt to use her spirit and further heal him, though it had not made much of a dent in his extensive injuries. When she was ready to go to sleep, she would stretch out beside him and caress his head or his arm while whispering her love for him into his ear.
He never responded to her though. The longer he laid there silently, the more concerned Belegwen became. She could not even see him within her mind's eye, as there was now a massive wall separating the two of them from each other. Belegwen had not put up the wall this time, so she knew it must have been his choice to have it there. Belegwen did not know why he wanted it there. It frustrated her, as she missed him and desperately wished to speak with him again.
One night when she was particularly overwrought by the situation, Rumil had joined her in the cart and held her while she cried over his sleeping state. When she had finally calmed, he sat with her, braiding her hair and listening to her concerns.
"I… I just thought he would be awake by now Rumil," Belegwen moaned softly, wiping away the remainder of her tears. "What if he does not wake up after all? What if he is not strong enough to recover from this?"
"It's just taking a while Belegwen. His injuries are so severe that he passed away from them. It is going to take a long time for him to recover. We must be patient with him." Rumil said as he braided piece after piece of her silver hair into an intricate pattern atop her head, leaving as much as possible hanging down her back, as was the preference of the elves.
"Did I bring him back just to watch him suffer and waste away?" She whispered.
"Belegwen, no." She heard him answer firmly, stopping what he was doing in her hair to lean over and look her in the eyes. He was furrowing his eyebrows in dismay at her response as he watched her warily. "Haldir is strong enough to survive this. Wait and see—he will be back to normal before you know it."
Still, Belegwen could not seem to quit worrying about him. Rumil must have been able to tell because he told her to go and take a walk through the ranks on her own that night, offering to watch Haldir and Halendil for a while in her stead while she pulled her thoughts back together. Knowing deep down that she probably did need a break and a few minutes to process through all that happened on her own, Belegwen headed out under the starlit sky.
She studied the soldiers as she walked through the camp. Those who formed the circle around them as guards seemed to be as alert as ever, watching for any signs of movement in the tall grasses of the flatlands. Belegwen saw no suspicious activity and was comforted that everything was under control, even without her taking a shift on the watch. Gilhoth had become more and more confident with every passing day. The lessons that she bestowed upon him seemed to be helping him step into his new role. Belegwen was pleased with his progress and how easily he seemed to fit into his new position as marchwarden.
The soldiers who were inside the circle were mostly sleeping. Many were laying near the numerous campfires, their porcelain faces illuminated in the orange glow of the flames as they slept upon their balled-up capes. A few were still sitting up, either studying the stars or whispering quietly amongst themselves.
On the edge of the camp, Belegwen spied a few elves quietly burying one of their own who had passed away from his injuries. Two of the three elves were singing a lament in his honor. Belegwen joined them quietly, making the duet a trio and then said a few words to honor his noble sacrifice before they lowered him into his final resting place. Belegwen stayed for a few more minutes, holding back her tears as she watched them work.
Feeling more miserable now than when she had left Haldir, Belegwen restlessly continued to wander the camp. Her eyes now stared up at the heavens, noting the navy blue color of the galaxy swirling around some of the stars, while others were encased in total blackness. She found herself praying once more to Eru Iluvatar in her mind. "Please heal Haldir and allow him to wake up soon. Please do not allow him to suffer here needlessly. Please bring him back to me... Please."
After a while, she found herself stopped in front of one of the carts holding several of the injured. Belegwen frowned as her eyes looked over each soldier's dismal state. Most of them were sleeping, except for Heledhril.
Oh Heledhril.
Belegwen calmly walked over to the other side of the cart to inspect the mysterious elf. She had heard from Linedhel that he was still in a bad way; he had eaten little on their journey and it showed. The young warrior who had once been healthy looked gaunt, in addition to the unnatural, pallid tone of his skin.
From what Linedhel had told her, he had not said a word to him or anyone else since the battle and would barely move. Even the most basic of bodily functions, such as eating and relieving himself had become a chore he could barely complete.
To sum it all up, Heledhril seemed to be fading. Belegwen had asked Linedhel if there was anything that could be done for him in this state, but he had told her they could only make him comfortable and wait to see if he came out of it or not. It was rare that elves did though. Once they were far enough down the path of fading, it was hard for them to return to their normal selves.
Frowning upon seeing him this way, Belegwen gently placed her hand on his shoulder and asked him quietly, "Heledhril, my friend… What has happened to you?"
She watched as Heledhril's eyes met her own briefly before growing distant once again. He said nothing, his body remaining still even when she gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Can you hear me Heledhril?" She asked a touch louder this time, trying to garner some sort of response from the faded elf.
When he did not answer her second question, Belegwen placed her hand on top of his to try and give him some sense of comfort, only to notice something odd. Though she could see nothing on his hand, it felt as though there was something small and hard on his pinky finger. Upon reaching out to touch it, she was shocked to feel Heledhril's cold hand grab her firmly.
Immediately, her eyes met his. His mouth emitted one unyielding word. "No."
Stunned, Belegwen gasped as she stepped back and stared at the serious elf's face with her wide, blue eyes. His hand slid off of hers and fell to the floor of the cart with a light thud. His eyes grew distant all over again. Belegwen was alarmed by what had just happened. She watched as he breathed and stared up at the stars, as unmoving as the dead.
The air around her swirled and crackled. Suddenly, Belegwen found herself swept into her mind's eye without warning. There stood Heledhril, facing the wall Haldir had constructed within her mind. Power radiated from the younger warden's being, energizing the air that surrounded her. Though he did not acknowledge her, Belegwen knew he was aware of her presence.
"You survived." He stated as he stared at the wall. "I did not think you would after what Erthalion did to you."
Belegwen nodded, though he could not see it. "Yes, I did."
"What of the elfling?" He asked, still facing the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.
"He is well. I birthed him during the battle and he arrived without injury." Belegwen replied, feeling a bit uncertain about talking to him after all he had revealed to her during the battle. Belegwen slowly forced herself to approach Heledhril and tried to rest her hand on his shoulder. However, he shrugged away from her touch and walked away from her, never once letting her see his face.
"What about you? Are you well?" She asked, a look of worry passing over her face as he walked away from her.
He shook his head, expelling air loudly from his nostrils before hanging his head in defeat. "No, I am not well." He whispered almost inaudibly. "I am burdened, my soul is stretched thin from that which I carry; I speak of that which you found on my person, of course, mere moments ago."
"And what did I find?" Belegwen pried, pushing for an answer she could tell he did not want to give her.
"The power of Lothlorien," he said with no little amount of awe laced into his voice. "That which belongs to the lady. She has entrusted it to me."
Shock reigned supreme over Belegwen's face as she realized precisely what Heledhril carried. What danger their home must be in, for that which kept it safe was here, in Heledhril's hands! What danger they were in for carrying such precious cargo out in the open, where it could fall prey to anything!
Belegwen started to panic, not knowing how to digest this new information. Her alarm only increased when Heledhril finally turned around to look at her. The elf she had tutored for nearly half a year was now only a shadow of his former self. His body appeared weak and his face was emaciated. Dark circles were prominent underneath his eyes and the joy that once filled his countenance was completely spent.
"Hear me and hear me well," Heledhril started, grabbing her hands for emphasis. "You must never touch it or take it off me. Very few can handle the power it contains and it will consume you if you are not worthy of it. I do not wish that upon you or anyone else in our party."
Heledhril grasped her hands even more tightly as he continued. "No one can know I have this Belegwen. If we speak of it aloud, Sauron might find out and try to attack the golden wood while it is vulnerable. You must promise me you will tell no one, not even Gilhoth or Rumil. Promise me now Belegwen." He insisted, squeezing her hands so tightly that it almost hurt.
"I promise," Belegwen said, uncertain of what else to do in this situation.
"You have seen my body and you know I fade," he continued on, looking surprisingly calm for the dark topic he was broaching. "If I should pass, you must leave it on my finger and bring my body back to Lothlorien. Only the lady should remove it from me. Will you do this?"
"Yes," she whispered, her eyes crinkling up in pain at the thought of the elf in front of her fading. "I do not understand though, what is making you fade?"
"Did you not see what I did?" Heledhril asked rather forcefully. "I killed Erthalion! I am a murderer!"
Deep pain embedded itself in Belegwen's chest. She nearly found it unbearable to listen to his confession because of the audible pain in his voice. "You are no murderer Heledhril," she countered after a moment. "You are a hero! You saved my life from an elf who was trying to murder me! Do not take the blame for his evil!" She argued.
"I did not need to kill him to save you though! I was only trying to cut off his sword hand, but before I realized it, he was impaled upon my sword! I do not even understand how it happened! I normally have such control over my sword, but somehow… Somehow I stabbed him! It was not even what I intended to do! He was my friend, Belegwen, and a fellow elf! What have I done?! What have I done?!" He sobbed, appearing to be haunted by the words that were flying quickly from his mouth.
She watched as Heledhril fell to his knees, completely overwhelmed by the grief he had endured. Belegwen dropped to her knees beside him and went to pull him into an embrace, only to feel his hands push her away from him. "No! Stay away! I do not wish to be seen this way!" He cried out. The air popped with energy around her and the wind picked up suddenly. A loud crack rang out loudly, causing Belegwen to cover her ears.
With a blink, Belegwen was no longer in her mind's eye and was staring at Heledhril's motionless body once again. He appeared unmoved since she last looked upon his form in the cart. The pupils of his eyes were trained on her though. All-seeing, they stared into her very soul.
Belegwen swallowed and stepped forward once more. Gingerly, she put her hand back on his shoulder. Her fingers shook with fear, but when she spoke her words came out sounding controlled and calm as the marchwarden within her took over the task.
"I will do as you ask. You have my word."
Then she returned to Haldir, Rumil, and Halendil in the healing cart, feeling much more on edge than she had when she left.
ooOoo
Six days later, it finally happened.
The timing had caught the elves by surprise, as most orcs preferred to only attack during the night. Though orcs were often stupid in their actions, these cretins had chosen their time well. The elves had just stopped for the night and the sun was still setting in the horizon when it happened. They had only partially formed the protective watch circle around the camp when the orcs started to pour into their midst from the forest's edge.
Belegwen had been discussing the final leg of their journey home with Gilhoth when Rumil had announced the attack with whistle. Both had immediately rushed to the front lines along with all of the other elves that were physically able to fight.
"Keep them out of the camp! Defend the injured!" She cried out, quickly scanning the area to try and find Halendil. She was uncertain who currently had him and felt as if her heart might explode within her chest from fear. Desperate to find her elfling, she took up Nimrodel and cut down orc after orc while searching for him. She shouted his name several times, but could not locate him.
"Rumil!" Belegwen screamed as he came into view, slashing his sword at a screaming orc who was trying to impale him with a jagged metal spear. "Do you know who had Halendil?! I cannot find him!"
She watched as Rumil dove between the orc's legs, effectively pulling him to the ground before spinning around and impaling him through his back. "I last saw him with Linros!" He shouted, already on his feet and racing towards another orc who was approaching, his sword raised and ready for action.
"Linros!" Belegwen screamed as she panicked, whirling around to try and catch sight of the youngest warden. "LINROS!"
Belegwen ran all around the outside of the camp, looking desperately for Linros and her son, but could not find either of them. Shouting her frustrations out loud, Belegwen took all of her pent-up emotions out on the orcs, slashing and stabbing them as she ran around looking for any possible clue that might lead her to Linros and her son.
"Linros!" She yelled over and over again, driven to distraction by his absence. Miraculously, she still managed to catch sight of a much larger problem that was starting to occur at the medical cart. "NO!"
An orc was starting to pull Haldir out of the healer's cart by his foot while Linedhel, with his sword clumsily in hand, was trying to haphazardly keep him at bay. Belegwen saw red and immediately charged towards the orc, deftly darting around other elves and orcs who were fighting around her.
Sprinting with Nimrodel in hand, Belegwen screamed as she pushed the orc off of her husband and then tackled him to the ground violently. This orc, however, was not easily hampered and used Belegwen's momentum to throw himself on top of her. Belegwen gasped as Nimrodel went flying out of her hand.
The orc punched her in the face once he was on top, then leaned in low, getting close to Belegwen's ear. The heated stench of his breath and the yellow glow of his eyes immediately brought Belegwen back to Helm's Deep, where she was trapped in the strong clutches of the problematic uruk-hai…
"I killed your husband…"
Belegwen saw the large uruk-hai she was fighting bringing his weapon down forcefully onto Haldir's back. Haldir's head lifted to sky and he hollered out in pain as a large sword crushed into his back. The rain poured down around him as he was brought to his knees, looking around in confusion at the elves, men, and orcs he was about to join in death. He then fell backwards, his eyes unseeing and glossy in death.
The fiery orange eye flashed before Belegwen's eyes.
"… and now, I will kill you."
Belegwen screamed as she relived the painful memory. She watched as the uruk-hai from her vision tried to stab her. She was faster than him though. Belegwen's stealth knife plunged its way into his heart before he was able to lower his own knife into her chest.
It was not enough though. The uruk-hai had killed Haldir! A bloody battle-axe was on the ground next the dead uruk-hai. Unwilling to let her husband's death go unpunished, Belegwen grabbed up the axe and impaled the uruk-hai with it once and then again. The axe was heavy and hard to lift above her head, but still she persisted, mutilating his dead body with every blow to pay him back for the pain he had caused her. She screamed like an animal, unaware of her surroundings as she struck him again and again and again.
"Belegwen! Stop!" A demanding voice called out to her as she pulled the axe from the carcass once again and raised it above her head. "Stop it! He's already dead!"
She landed one more blow before two strong hands grabbed her arms and pulled her away from the uruk-hai. "Belegwen, it is time to stop! He is dead!"
"He killed Haldir! He deserves to die!" She exclaimed, blinded by the rage Haldir's death had brought on.
The arms shook her a bit and Belegwen finally looked and truly saw who was holding her. It was Rumil and his eyes were filled with concern. "Belegwen, these are not the orcs from Helm's Deep! Haldir is still alive, remember?"
And then she did. She remembered plunging her sword into the uruk-hai's neck after he was distracted by Heledhril's power. She remembered crying over Haldir's body and then creating a loop of healing power between them to revive him. She remembered all the nights she had spent watching him breathe as he slept and slowly healed from his debilitating wound.
She gasped as she looked down and saw what she had done. Belegwen had not been fighting the uruk-hai again as her mind had led her to believe, but instead had completely mutilated the orc who had tried to pull Haldir out of the cart by his foot. She had hit him so many times with the axe that he was nearly unrecognizable.
"Oh dear Vala, I am sorry Rumil… I am sorry…" She murmured over and over again, her hands covering her mouth with shock as she backed away from what was left of the orc. She had completely lost all of her bearings during the battle and she knew it. Uninvited tears poured out of her eyes as Rumil carefully pulled her shaking form into his arms and stroked her hair.
"You are safe gwathel. The battle is over now." He whispered, holding her tightly. "Did you ever find Linros and Halendil?"
"No," she whimpered in an unusually high voice. "I could not find them anywhere! My elfling is missing!"
"We are right here Belegwen," a soft voice said. Straight away, Belegwen pulled away from Rumil and started searching the area for Linros, whose voice was familiar enough that she had recognized it when he spoke. After a few panic-filled seconds, Belegwen gasped as she saw him carefully crawling out from under the healing cart with her elfling cradled in his good arm. He had apparently hidden with Halendil in her old hiding spot, tucked tightly above the axle of the healing cart.
"Halendil!" She exclaimed, running to Linros as he slowly stood up while doing his best to balance the elfling in his good arm. Belegwen grabbed up her son and frantically inspected him. Finding nothing wrong, she held him tightly and cried tears of relief. She breathed in his sweet newborn scent and her whole body shook with sobs.
The little one was safe. Praise the Valar!
ooOoo
After a few more weeks of weary traveling, the dour ranks could finally see the borders of their land ahead of them. This changed the emotions of the soldiers in both positive and negative ways. Some rejoiced, happy to finally be arriving home once more, while others became more distant, as they knew they would have to finally face the reality of returning home without their best friends and loved ones. Many elves became morbidly quiet, not speaking at all as they camped out for one final night before they were slated to arrive back in the familiar forest of mellyrn.
It was a silent, somber night. Belegwen was relieved to be getting back, as she was tired of how closely Rumil had been watching her. Ever since she had decapitated the orc, Belegwen had been acutely aware of how often Rumil was watching her. She knew her brother was concerned about her, but she also wanted to move on from the incidient and it was hard to do that when he was constantly watching everything she did.
Yearning for privacy, Belegwen slept little on their final night away, acutely aware of how Rumil had come to check on her several times during the night while she tried to sleep next to Haldir and Halendil. Haldir still had not woken up, much to Belegwen's displeasure. It was looking more and more like she would have to face the trial over the kiss without him by her side and Belegwen was not looking forward to it. While Haldir had been fairly confident about the outcome of the trial, Belegwen was not and spent her night frightened about losing her position once more.
Morning finally arrived and Belegwen was quick to arrange the ranks for the last leg of the march. Before leaving, she quickly handed Halendil off to Linros, who was once again eager to hold and talk to the youngling. Their entire day was spent marching towards the golden wood. Belegwen was deep in thought the entire time, mentally bracing herself for task that awaited her upon her arrival.
She found herself saddened at what she saw as they drew closer to their home. The trees did not sparkle as she remembered, but instead looked surprisingly dull in the light of the sun. The leaves looked droopy and almost wilted. There had always been a magic lilting around their land that no longer seemed to be present.
Seeing this reminded her of what Heledhril had told her with her mind's eye almost a month ago…
"The power of Lothlorien… that which belongs to the lady. She has entrusted it to me."
The absence of the lady's power upon the land was obvious now and not just to her. While they normally marched in complete silence, Belegwen could hear the concerned whispers of many within the ranks as they all studied the changes their home had went through in their absence.
It was nearing twilight when they finally reached the border. A group of wardens descended from the trees to acknowledge their arrival. They formed a wide tunnel for the ranks to pass through as they walked back into the familiar protection of the forest. Every single warden they passed held their hand upon their heart out of respect as they entered.
Though it was nearly dark, tonight they would not stop until they had reached the city. Belegwen felt both relieved and nervous as she followed the familiar, unmarked path that led the way back to Caras Galadhon. With Gilhoth to her left and Rumil to her right, she led the ranks silently towards the city, pressing onward even as darkness descended upon the forest.
As they made their way through the forest, Belegwen noticed that the mellyrn seemed to be perking up and shining more as they walked the forest pathway. Magic flittered through the wood once again and the branches of the silver-leafed mellyrn literally seemed to lean towards them a bit, as if they recognized the source of their power had returned. Seeing things look a bit more normal seemed to calm many of the soldiers who had initially been worried about the changes to the forest. Their frantic whispers eventually died down and gave way to silence.
After a few hours, they arrived at the city gates. The sentinels pulled the gates open and saluted them as they stepped into the city for the first time in months. The soldiers were greeted by the illuminated faces of numerous families, each waiting nervously while hoping to catch a glimpse of their loved ones arriving home. They each held a candle in their hand to signify the life of the soldier they were waiting on, creating a golden glow in the clearing.
Many would be disappointed, Belegwen thought to herself as she scanned the crowd. Many would cry on this night as she and Gilhoth delivered the bad news to them as gently as possible. Rumil, on the other hand, had been tasked with seeing to Halendil during the ceremony, so as to not burden any of the other soldiers who were eagerly awaiting the presence of their loved ones.
At once, Belegwen caught sight of the lord and lady, both dressed in brilliant white silk that glowed in the candlelight. Lady Galadriel was resplendent, as always, and a brilliant white light flowed from her into the crowd. Lord Celeborn smiled upon seeing Belegwen. He was holding a lit candle as well, signifying her life. Upon meeting her eyes, he threw tradition to the wind and, after handing the candle off to his wife, quickly walked up to Belegwen and drew her into a tight embrace.
"You have returned! Praise Eru Iluvatar!" He murmured against her forehead as he held her tightly in his arms. "Praise the Valar! I was so worried!"
"I am glad to see you again, my lord." Belegwen replied, returning the embrace in full as she rested her head on his shoulder. "There is much I need to share with you about what has come to pass."
"It can wait until tomorrow. Let us proceed with the ceremony now." Lord Celeborn answered, releasing her to fulfill her duty, albeit reluctantly. Already though, the ceremony was underway.
As elves entered the gates, they stopped and searched the crowd for their families. The beginnings of the ceremony were sweet, as those who survived were reunited with their loved ones. There was loud rejoicing, shouting, and running as loved ones embraced their fathers, uncles, and brothers who had returned. Their candles remained lit, signifying the continuance of their immortal lives, which would burn on for centuries to come.
"Take me to him." A familiar voice said next to her. Belegwen quickly turned to find the lady of light next to her, staring at her with an unusual expression in her eyes. Could it be? Was there really a look of fear on her face?
"Take me to Heledhril." She said, repeating herself as she too eyed the ranks that swarmed the gate. Belegwen nodded, then signaled for the lady to follow her as she approached the first cart entering the city. A small group of healers were already approaching the cart, ready to receive the wounded and bring them to the healing telain.
"He is here, my lady." Belegwen said. She watched as the healers made room for Lady Galadriel as she approached, all stopping to bow respectfully before her as she looked into the cart.
"Heledhril." She said in quiet greeting, gently reaching down to caress the emaciated soldier's cheek.
Belegwen was shocked to hear his voice answer as she came to a stop right beside the lady. "I have it yet, my lady. Here, take it." He said, pulling something off his pinky finger and offering it to Galadriel. Once it was removed, Belegwen got a quick look at the object before it disappeared once again onto the lady's hand. It was a ring, made with a delicate silver-colored band of mithril. It was inlayed with a single white stone that glowed with great power in the darkness.
It was Nenya, the Ring of Adamant.
Never in Belegwen's long life had she ever imagined she would get a glimpse of Celebrimbor's creation, as all of the rings were invisible, so long as they were worn. The ring radiated with power though, the same power Heledhril had wielded during the battle. She felt a wave of power pass through the lady and into the forest as she pushed the ring back onto her finger. Belegwen's eyes widened in awe of what the tiny ring was capable of.
"I am sorry, my lady. The burden was too great for me." She heard Heledhril whisper hoarsely, already looking worse for wear now that he removed the ring from his finger.
"Heledhril, you have single-handedly fulfilled the will of the Valar. There is no need to apologize. Your duty has been completed and you have brought honor upon yourself and the elves of this realm. Rest peacefully in that knowledge, my warden." Lady Galadriel replied. She gently touched his forehead and murmured words of healing over the young warden until he fell asleep.
Belegwen marveled at the peaceful look on his face as the healers jumped in, carefully lifting the faded warden onto a litter and carrying him away, heading in the direction of the healing telain. She watched as the other injured were lifted, one by one, in the same way and were carried off into the forest, several families following beside the litters with anxious looks adorning their faces.
When Belegwen turned back towards the crowd, she once again found herself face to face with the lady of light. Belegwen met her eyes and felt a certain amount of discomfort as the lady appeared to be studying her. What she could see, Belegwen did not know, but did ultimately feel exposed beneath her mighty gaze.
"You seek the answers to many questions, marchwarden." She stated calmly, still looking into Belegwen's eyes as if they were full of answers she wanted for herself. "You will find all of them soon. I want you to meet Celeborn and I for supper tomorrow. We will hear your full report concerning the battle and journey at that time."
"Yes, my lady. I will plan to be there." Belegwen answered, placing her hand on her chest and giving a bow of respect to her leader.
"Do bring your son along. I would like to meet Lothlorien's newest inhabitant and I am certain Lord Celeborn will be pleased to have another elfling to dote upon." She stated.
How had she known? Perplexed, Belegwen simply nodded and then bowed a second time as the lady took her leave, moving back to her husband's side.
Scanning the crowd, Belegwen saw it was almost time for the hard part of the ceremony. As the last of the soldiers entered the city, many of which were from Imladris and were being swept off to guest accommodations by the service staff, Belegwen found that she was left with plethora of families who were looking around for loved ones who had not returned. This was where her duty laid. Gilhoth would join her in fulfilling this very serious responsibility.
Going first to families she knew, Belegwen approached them one by one to blow their candle out, signifying the end of an eternal life. She embraced each weeping family member and either told them how their loved one perished or about noble acts she had seen them complete during their life. Elves wailed around her, leaving the clearing without the family member they had been so desperate to see. A few went pale when she told them, starting to fade straight away upon hearing the news.
Sadness stirred in Belegwen's heart as she relayed the fates of each soldier to elf after elf, her heart broken for each and every life that was affected by their deaths. It seemed as if hours had passed when she parted ways with the final family, feeling just as broken inside as they looked as they walked away from her with a smoking candlestick. After a few minutes, she met Gilhoth's eyes as he sent his final family away. No words were spoken between them, but they bowed to one another out of deep respect and understanding of the task they had completed. Belegwen nodded at him and he went to join his own family.
Belegwen turned backwards and found Rumil, who immediately embraced her in one arm and held a softly fussing Halendil in his other. He had watched the whole thing and was in tears himself. He held her as tightly as he could while continuing to rock the little one who was letting out the tiniest of cries and whimpers.
"Are you alright?" He questioned her softly. Belegwen's only response was to shake her head no. Her own tears streamed down Rumil's chest plate as she hugged him close. They stood like that for the longest time before she finally felt able to take young Halendil from his grasp.
"My poor sweetling…" she said, her voice hoarse and ragged from weeping, "Why are you still awake?" Indeed, the elfling was usually asleep in her husband's arm by this time of night.
Ah… that's what it was. "He needs Haldir." She said to herself. "I trained him to sleep in Haldir's arm because we did not have a crib."
"Let us go find him then." Rumil suggested and the two slowly wandered through the darkened city until the healing telain came into view. Here, no one seemed to be sleeping as healer's rushed around in a frenzy, trying to tend to all of the new arrivals as best they could while reassuring families who lingered by their loved ones.
One of the apprentices was able to quickly direct Rumil to his brother and Belegwen followed him closely, holding Halendil tightly in her arms as they passed through a crowd of elves in the entryway to Eltirwen's talan. Belegwen followed Rumil into one of the familiar healing rooms to find Haldir resting comfortably in a bed, still asleep after all this time.
"Halendil has missed you tonight Haldir," she said quietly as Rumil pulled the only chair in the room up to the bed for her. Belegwen took a seat and proceeded to arrange Haldir's arm as she did every night for the elfling. She then gently rested the little one in the crux of his arm, holding her husband's arm in place to ensure the elfling did not fall.
Indeed, Haldir was precisely the elf Halendil had hoped to be with, as his cries tapered off quickly upon being set in the familiar arm of his adar. Belegwen sang to him softly, caressing his head with one hand as she watched the little one's eyes glaze over in reverie at last.
Once she was satisfied with the elfling's state, she looked over to Rumil, only to find him in reverie as well. He had sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall in the corner of the room with one arm resting around his knee and the other on the floor beside his leg that was stretched all the way out. The magical blue light of the room was dimmed and Belegwen felt herself growing tired as well in the familiar space. Soon she was also resting peacefully, with one arm holding the elfling in place, her head leaned against Haldir's middle.
When the healers found them all that way much later, they did not have the heart to wake them up and left them resting together as a family.
ooOoo
*Belegwen's flashback during the battle is from Chapter 48: Evil Schemes.
Thanks again for reading! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think of this crazy long chapter! I will do my best to be back with more soon!
-P.G.