Welcome back to TBFF! Thanks for taking the time to read the next installment! Thank you to earthdragon, Addy White, mystarlight, PrettyRecklessLaura, and riahsparks for reviewing the last chapter! I look forward to reading your comments every time I post. Thank you friends!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Lord of the Rings or Tolkien Enterprises.
ooOoo
To Be Forever Faithful
By: Ponytail Goddess
Chapter 53: A Full Heart
Belegwen's heart pounded more quickly than it ever had in the past. She listened to her own uneven breaths as she sat in near silence. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the door, which was barricaded with a couple of mere mops and brooms. She was tucked away in the corner of the tiny cleaning closet, though she did not feel safe there.
Every sound she heard put more and more on edge. The unlatched talan door creaked in the wind, making her whole body tremble with fear. Her chest felt tight as she waited in the darkness.
Her entire family was dead on the other side of the door. The smell of their blood permeated the air, as well as a disgusting stench that Belegwen could not identify. The young elleth was scared beyond all imagination and had no idea what to do.
And so she hid.
She hid for what felt like hours.
While in her secret hideaway, she wondered what happened to her family while she was at school. Was she was in danger? What if the enemy that mauled her family returned? Would she die too?
Belegwen's safety seemed to be compromised, so she did her best not to make a sound. She sat as still as she could, trying her best to hide even the sound of her breathing so no one would know she was there.
Eventually, she heard something. It sounded almost like quiet footsteps on the stairs. Belegwen quivered and started breathing fast, shallow breaths. She drew her knees in closer to her body as she heard the door make a louder squeaking noise before hearing nearly noiseless feet stepping inside her family's talan. Belegwen felt her entire body tense up as she saw the shadow of feet through the small gap underneath the closet door.
A whistle rang out.
Belegwen bit her lip to stifle the gasp that tried to escape from her mouth. More feet ascended the stairs, using much less stealth than before. She started to hear voices whispering in the room where her family was, but she could not make out what they were saying.
Something bumped into the closet door, which caused one of the brooms to loudly fall over. The shifting of the closet's contents caused Belegwen an astounding amount of anxiety. Involuntarily, she let out a tiny whimper before she could stop herself.
Suddenly, the room behind the door was silent once again. She watched nervously as a shadow appeared in front of the door, even though she did not hear anyone approaching. The door was jammed shut by a mop, but a few good yanks from whoever was on the other side was enough to move the mop, leaving the door slightly ajar.
The door was only opened a crack, but Belegwen's eyes immediately caught sight of the knife that was held in front of her, gleaming in the light that abruptly streamed into her darkened nook. Scared beyond belief, she pushed her head down into her knees, trembling uncontrollably with fear. She put her arm over her head with the hopes of protecting herself from whatever foe had found her.
She heard a loud intake of air. An unfamiliar voice announced quietly, "His elfling is here. She has survived the attack."
Belegwen whimpered again, then found herself peeking through her fingers to see who was there. The knife was put down immediately. Belegwen watched as it disappeared behind the ellon who had opened the closet. It was not just any ellon though, judging by the outfit he was wearing…
He was a warden.
Belegwen slowly lifted her eyes up further. Her fearful gaze met his own. He had blue eyes…
Such familiar blue eyes.
Belegwen woke up with a gasp. She abruptly sat up and took a few deep and cleansing breaths, her heart still racing from reliving the death of her family in her dream. She inspected her surroundings only to discover that she had fallen asleep in the healing talan with Haldir. Upon looking out the window, she saw it was dark out, though it was nearly dawn. Beginnings of light were starting to turn the darkness on the horizon from black to a deep, navy blue.
Looking to her side, she found Halendil sleeping peacefully in the comfort of his ada's arm. Haldir was unmoved from when she last saw him, though the bottom of his undershirt looked rumpled where her head had rested for hours. Gently, Belegwen ran her hand down Haldir's firm abdomen a few times, smoothing the shirt back into place.
She then caught sight of Rumil, who had also fallen asleep in Haldir's room. He looked uncomfortable, still dressed in his full suit of armor as he slept. He was leaning backwards into one of the corners of the room, his blue eyes glazed over in reverie.
"Rumil?" Belegwen questioned with a lowered voice, trying her best to not wake anyone else up in the healing talan.
"Yes?" He mumbled, his eyes still unmoving, as if he had not fully woken up.
"I am going to go and rest in the warden's halls with Halendil." She whispered, quietly standing up and taking her sleeping elfling into her arms with care.
"I will come too," He muttered tiredly, then let out a quiet groan as he stretched his arms in the air. Belegwen watched as he blinked his eyes until they came back into focus before he slowly got up. Clearly, he was still exhausted from the marches.
The healing talan was still and silent as they left the room and slowly passed through the darkened hallway. The two said nothing to one another until they had fully descended the stairs and even then, there was little to be addressed.
"I cannot wait to fall asleep in my very own bed." Rumil said as they walked hazily through the city. All was quiet; not a soul was out and about yet other than them. "It will be a welcome sight after spending months on the ground."
Belegwen nodded in affirmation. "Never was a statement so true. I bet you are excited to finally get that armor off too."
"Most definitely. It is good to be home, is it not?" Rumil asked with a lazy smile.
"Indeed. It will be even sweeter when Haldir wakes up." Belegwen answered, smiling tiredly back at him. Rumil nodded in agreement as they walked up to the warden's halls. A twinge of sadness fluttered into the back of her mind though, as she thought of all the wardens who had not returned. Judging by the frown on Rumil's face, he was thinking the same thing.
The two walked steadily up the marbled steps to their rooms, each of them reveling in the familiarity of the halls that had long been their home. No one was milling about here either; the only sounds they could hear were their own footsteps as the ascended the steps.
When they had reached Rumil's room, he stopped and placed his hand on Belegwen's arm. She met his gaze and saw his concern for her. "Is there anything you need from me before I take my rest?"
Belegwen shook her head. "You have already done so much for me, gwador. Go and enjoy your soft bed. I will see you at breakfast." After receiving a kiss on the cheek from Rumil, Belegwen continued up the stairs until she reached her room.
Opening up the door, she found everything was as she remembered it. The bed was made with clean, cream-colored sheets. The tall mirror she liked to stand in front of while she attempted to do her hair was still in the corner, beside the large open balcony. Someone had even brought her armor in during the night. It was cleaned and put away; it looked as if it had been on the armor rack the entire time she was gone. Two large piles of books were haphazardly stacked beside the bed. They were training books Haldir had brought her from the library before they had been called to war. The piles were right where she had left them, awaiting her perusal.
The only new item in the room was the pile of Halendil's cloth diapers, which were washed and folded on top of the armor rack. She looked down at the little one in her arms and came to a new realization. "I have none of the things you need," she said to herself as she eyed the tattered blanket the elfling was wrapped in. There had been no clothes to dress him in for the last two months, so Halendil had stayed wrapped in the same blanket for nearly the entire trip. It has been washed several times during their journey and at this point, it looked as though it had seen better days.
"I suppose we will have to try and fix that today, my sweetling." Belegwen murmured with a smile as she looked down at Halendil and saw his big blue eyes staring back at her. He was awake now and starting to squirm a bit against her. She smiled down at her son and tickled his nose a bit with her finger until he smiled back at her.
She set him down in the middle of her bed and watched him while she shucked off all her dirty clothing and put on her cream-colored satin robe for the first time in months. The smooth fabric was delectable against her naked body and she breathed a sigh of relief once she had the belt securly tied around her body. The familiarity of the robe was soothing and Belegwen hugged herself as she rejoiced in the smallest of comforts.
Just as she was about to crawl into bed and snuggle up to Halendil, the elfling started to fuss and Belegwen ended up putting him up to her breast for a meal. Once that was complete, she found that she was much too awake to lie down and rest. Deciding to do what seemed like the next best thing, Belegwen grabbed up her soap and headed back down the stairway, heading to the bath on the ground level with Halendil in tow.
There was no line for the bath, which was good because Belegwen ended up taking quite a while. In addition to thoroughly cleaning herself, she bathed her elfling and then hurried back up the stairs in her robe to get dressed. Once the little ellon was wrapped in a clean diaper and a spare blanket she found in her room, Belegwen dressed herself as well. For the first time in months, she found herself donning one of her Galadhrim uniforms.
She was relieved it fit. Looking in the mirror, she saw that the leggings fit fine, but the tunic was a bit tight at the waist and chest. It did not look horrible though, so she decided it would be fine and went about brushing her damp locks of silver hair. When she was halfway done, a loud knock came from the other side of the door. Quickly, Belegwen finished combing her hair, grabbed up Halendil and went to answer.
It was Valtaur and an elleth Belegwen assumed must be his wife. "Good morning Marchwarden," He greeted her vibrantly, with a smile. "I am sorry to bother you so early in the morning, but my hervess and I both thought we should bring this to you quickly."
The silver-haired elleth smiled at Belegwen. "I do not believe we have met before. I am Silanna, Valtaur's wife. Valtaur and I spoke for long hours last night and he told me of your little one. Once I knew about little Halendil, all I could think about last night was how he probably had no place to sleep when you arrived home. We came hoping to remedy that." She said, then stepped backwards to Belegwen could see what was behind them.
It was a beautiful rocking cradle, made of the finest wood and fitted with a soft mattress. The sides were unique, both having metal plates attached to them that were engraved with intricate leaf patterns and scroll-like swirls. "Valtaur made this for me when we had our son, Angataur. We are not planning to have any more elflings, so we thought you might like to have it for Halendil."
"Oh my," Belegwen said, shocked at this kindness. "It is beautiful. Are you certain you want to part with it? Surely it brings back fond memories of your own son."
"Oh, we have plenty of other things to help us remember his youth. I cannot stand the idea of this little one not having a place to sleep though." Silanna said, leaning close to Belegwen to get a good look at Halendil. "May I hold him? It has been over 50 years since an elfling has come along in the golden woods and I have always loved all of these blessed little ones."
Belegwen gently handed Halendil over to Valtaur's wife, who started smiling brightly upon receiving him. She listened as Silanna set about telling Halendil how handsome and sweet he was while she held him gently in her arms.
"Thank you for the cradle. It is wonderful and I very much appreciate your thoughtfulness." Belegwen said as she watched Valtaur carry the cradle into her room and place it beside her bed.
"Oh, it is nothing. If anything, I am greatly indebted to you, Marchwarden. You have brought my Valtaur home to me and I am so thankful for you." Silanna said, her voice rising higher as her eyes filled with glistening tears. She lightly handed Halendil back to Belegwen and once again said, "Thank you very, very much Marchwarden."
After saying their goodbyes, Belegwen set Halendil in the new cradle and went about trying to braid her hair again, only to be interrupted by another knock at the door. Upon answering the door, she found Gilhoth and his wife smiling back at her with a box full of outfits their son, who had also been born early, had worn as a newborn.
Thus began a steady stream of visitors to Belegwen's little room. Several wardens and their families came by, each bringing gifts and hoping to acquaint themselves with the newest member of their city. Never had Belegwen felt such appreciation and care from so many elves. By the time Rumil came by to pick her up for a late breakfast, her little room was nearly half full of gifts.
Rumil's eyes widened in surprise when Belegwen showed him what had happened. "Oh my… I was going to offer to build you a cradle today, but I see it is no longer necessary."
"Yes… I can scarcely believe this. My room does not seem to be large enough for all of these items." Belegwen said offhandedly, looking a bit overwhelmed at the mess of gifts that littered the floor and bed. There were now three cradles, a large changing table, two rocking chairs, and a wealth of blankets, cloth diapers, and clothing of various sizes for the little one. "I am very grateful for this help, but I do not understand why they did all of this for me."
Rumil chuckled lightly as he looked at her. "Do you really not know gwathel?" He asked, his eyebrows lifted in disbelief as Belegwen looked at him with confusion written all over her face. "They are honoring their vow to you, of course."
"But Haldir lives… They do not need to any longer." She replied slowly, looking uncomfortable with his answer.
"Yet they choose to anyway, out of their love for you as a member of the Galadhrim. Would you deny them that honor?" Rumil asked quietly.
After a few moments, Belegwen shook her head no. Her heart swelled and felt unusually full as she realized the regard the wardens were showing towards her and her son. She was truly blessed to have comrades such as these.
ooOoo
Walking slowly, Belegwen followed the warden who had been summoned to bring her before the lady. Looking down into the baby wrap the women of Rohan had given her, she saw that little Halendil was resting peacefully against her as she tread carefully, so as not to wake him up. The little one was now wearing clothes for the very first time; he wore the tiniest green tunic and brown footie leggings, looking even more adorable than he had in the past.
Though the little one was safe in her arms, Belegwen grew nervous as the warden in front of her led her into a deep part of the woods where she had never before traversed. It was dark as she descended a set of stone stairs that led into a small ravine area. She had thought the lady was inviting her to supper, but apparently their plans had changed.
At the bottom of the stairway, Belegwen caught sight of the lady. Bathed in a glistening white light, she sparkled as brightly as a beacon in the night while she approached them languidly. The warden bowed respectfully to the lady before returning to the stairs to take his leave. Belegwen turned to the lady and bowed as well, carefully holding Halendil's hairless head against her bosom as she did so.
The two stood in silence for a few moments before Galadriel beckoned her forward with a small motion of her hand. The two ellyth approached a small dais with a large stone pedestal resting atop it. Galadriel walked to the other side of the pedestal and looked at Belegwen so deeply, she felt as if her emotions were fully exposed to the powerful being in front of her.
"I know what you have been trying to figure out recently, Marchwarden." Galadriel stated eerily. "You seek answers to many questions, some that you do not even know you have yet. If you so choose, many of them will be answered for you on this night." She declared, then paused.
"Will you look into my mirror?"
Belegwen felt her breath catch in her throat when she finally realized where she was. Over her thousands of years in Lothlorien, Belegwen had heard many stories about the lady's mirror. However, she had never seen it herself and had always pondered the stories about it with curiosity and no small sense of wonder. Now she was standing before it, her eyes looking upon the real thing for the very first time.
Honestly, it seemed to be the sort of object one would see in a fairytale. It was comprised of a simple, flat-bottomed bowl that was made of stone, but Belegwen knew it was much more than that. The lady of the golden wood had much magic within her, which was amplified by the ring she cared for. Belegwen knew that with her power, Lady Galadriel could command this simple dish to do her bidding whenever she desired it.
"I do seek answers, my lady. I will look if you will allow me." Belegwen answered bravely as she met the intense gaze of the powerful elleth once more. In silence, Galadriel took up a small metal pitcher and filled it with water from a shallow stream that was a few paces away. Belegwen watched as she dumped the contents of the silver pitcher into the large, shallow stone bowl upon the pedestal.
When Belegwen stepped forward, she immediately looked into the shadowy waters and simply saw her reflection. She frowned at the sight of her messy braids and waited for the magic to set in. After a few moments tiny waves appeared, moving the water gently across the bowl. They gave way to a series of images that Belegwen studied with her utmost attention…
The first image she recognized right away, as it was one of the memories Haldir had shared with her at Helm's Deep as he passed into the halls. Belegwen first saw her younger self in the mirror. Her arm was in the sling she had to wear when she was struck in the shoulder during a skirmish on the border. She was staring at Haldir with anger burning in her eyes and then was shouting at him. Even though she could hear no words coming from the mirror, she knew all too well what she was yelling.
"No, I will never marry… Never in a thousand millennia!"
Waves appeared in the mirror once again, blurring the picture until a new scene appeared. It was Haldir pacing back and forth on the balcony of his room in the warden's halls. His hair was unbraided and looked a bit tousled, as if he had been unsettled while sleeping. The height of the full moon in the sky above the mellryn branches confirmed that it was indeed the middle of the night in the vision.
Back and forth he paced with his arms crossed tightly over his bare chest, a look of pain and frustration adorning his pallid face. He almost looked sickly in the light reflecting off the silver leaves of the mellyrn. Another elf entered the room, though Haldir did not meet his eyes.
It was Orophin.
The waves picked up in the water once more to show Haldir and Marchwarden Annondel arguing and pointing at a scroll that was on his desk. The marchwarden was angry, but Haldir maintained an unreadable look on his face as he spoke. Belegwen tried to read their lips, but could not make out many words because they were not facing her in the mirror.
Suddenly, the scroll was in Annondel's hands and Belegwen could see what it said. It was a list of training partners. Near the top of the list, she caught sight of her own name next to Haldir's name. However, the scroll was thrown back onto the desk after a moment and Belegwen watched as Annondel's feather pen scribbled out Haldir's name and traded it with another warden's so they were no longer partners.
Once again, the waters moved of their own volition, revealing a sight that made Belegwen gasp. It was Erthalion, leading the intermediate sword class that he had once taught long ago. She watched as he looked over the group of wardens, searching for a volunteer to demonstrate with. His smile became malicious as his eyes fell upon Belegwen and she watched as he commanded for her to come up and fight him in front of the others.
Belegwen cringed, as she knew what would happen next. She could tell by the look in Erthalion's eyes that he had chosen her because he thought he would bring her down easily. He wanted to cause a scene with her, to dismantle her in front of the other wardens.
What he did not know at the time was how often Belegwen practiced with her sword at night. By this time in her life, she was well beyond the methods taught in the class he presented and it showed when she engaged him in front of the other wardens. Her speed and agility proved to be too much for him.
Erthalion quickly found himself disarmed and lying on the ground with Belegwen's sword gently pressed against his neck. She watched as he surrendered, mouthing the word 'mercy' to her younger self. When she pulled the sword away from his neck and walked away, a fire ignited in his eyes. There she saw jealousy and something much darker…
Hatred.
The glint in his eyes made Belegwen shiver as the waters waved yet again, drawing a familiar vision into her sight. She saw herself, standing on the platform in front of a crowd of elves, Erthalion by her side. Belegwen could not help but cringe as she saw the mottled appearance of her neck. The green, blue, and purple bruises around her neck were Erthalion's doing. A chill passed down Belegwen's spine as she remembered the day he strangled her.
She watched as her younger self searched the crowds, looking for the elf responsible for the voices she was hearing in her head as she, the lord, and the lady all held Erthalion's hand above them towards the sky, a sign of submission before the Valar. Storm clouds rolled over the sun eerily as Belegwen had Erthalion echo her words, promising his vow before the Valar with a look of trepidation etched upon his face as he gazed into the unnaturally gloomy sky.
As he finished his oath, Belegwen watched as a flash of power passed through him, the Valar's way of acknowledging the oath he had taken. Now that she could see the whole scene though, she noticed there was more to it than she had initially realized. Lady Galadriel also cringed, a flash of light going from Erthalion's arm straight into her own and circling one of her fingers oddly. Belegwen now saw the scene behind her, the lord and lady looking at one another in shock as they realized what the light had indicated.
There was a third flash too. It was hardly noticeable, as most elves had their eyes on Erthalion, whose legs were giving out beneath him under the tremendous pressure of the oath. This time, Belegwen saw it. The flash went into one of the elves in the crowd and the lady met his gaze sharply after it was over.
It was Heledhril.
The waters flashed again before Belegwen's eyes. She saw Heledhril standing before the lady with a look of frustration glowing in his eyes. The two argued, the lady staying calm the entire time as Heledhril seemed to grow more and more agitated. His face flushed red as she indicated for him to hold out his hand.
At first, he glared at her, but eventually he held out his hand, looking away from the tiny object she bestowed in his large palm. Nenya glistened in his palm, shining with power. He shivered as Galadriel took his fingers and curled them around the ring, her gaze never once leaving him. Her eyes were filled with trust as she let go of his hand, turning Nenya's powers over to him completely.
With a ripple of the water, the mirror changed again and Belegwen was suddenly horrified by the sight of Erthalion stabbing her pregnant stomach during the battle. She shivered as she watched her former self scream, scared to death that her elfling was lost. Everything in the mirror slowed and the view honed in on Heledhril, who was running up to Erthalion with his sword in hand.
She watched carefully as he lifted his sword over Erthalion. It looked as if he was about to sever Erthalion's hand from his body, but then was stopped. A bright, sparkling figure appeared next to him, grabbed his wrist and changed the motion of his sword! Instead of swinging, Heledhril ended up jabbing his sword towards Erthalion's middle! It penetrated Erthalion's armor at the weakest point, right beneath the ribs!
A second later, the figure was gone, leaving Heledhril staring at his sword in shock and horror, as he had not intended to run Erthalion through. Seemingly without any guidance, Nenya's power used the sword as a conduit and pushed immense power into Erthalion until he was completely obliterated.
"Oh dear Vala!" Belegwen exclaimed as she stared in disbelief and alarm at what had happened. "What was that?!"
The lady did not answer her question though and the mirror continued on, moving to the next scene. Belegwen's eyes were wide as she realized that the next scene was from the future.
Heledhril was in cart with a few other weary looking soldiers. He appeared very much the same as he had when he journeyed back home to Lothlorien—ashen in coloring, his gaunt body was weak and unmoving. Belegwen saw herself approach and then embrace him, saying a few words and laying a familiar, leather-bound book in his hands before watching the cart roll away, exiting the city gates.
"No…" She whispered, a tear falling down her cheek as the mirror finished its magic. The waters became clear once more and now all she could see was her reflection.
"You cry for him, the keeper of your vow." Galadriel stated softly, looking at her with an unnerving amount of intensity.
"I do not understand what has happened to Heledhril." Belegwen said with desperation in her voice, hoping above all else that what she had seen was wrong. She did not want one of her most trusted wardens to have to sail because of the battle…
Because of her.
"Walk with me and I will explain." Galadriel said softly, then walked off the dais and started to ascend the stairs that led out of the ravine. Belegwen followed the lady in saddened silence, her heart hurting for her student and friend who was already no more than a mere shadow of his old self.
Once they were at the top of the stairs, the path became wide enough for them to walk side by side. Belegwen trod slowly next to Galadriel, waiting for her explanation as they started to emerge from the heavily wooded area into a clearing that housed Galadriel's rather impressive garden. As the setting sun started to stream its light onto them once more, the lady began to speak.
"In all of my long years, I have thought of myself as observant and good at reading the emotions and desires of others. However, Heledhril has always been a bit of a mystery to me. While he is of Sindarin decent, it always seemed to me as if he had a bit of Noldorin blood within him, as he was born with gifts that are not uncommon to their descendents."
"Since his youth, Heledhril has been privy to visions and dreams of the past, present, and future. He also seems to have some power over the elements, though I am uncertain to what extent those powers reach." Galadriel said, leading them towards a bench in front of several flourishing niphredil blossoms and a statue commemorating Nimrodel, Lord Amroth's wife. Once Belegwen sat down beside the lady, she continued.
"The caveat Heledhril struggles with though is that he was taught to fear such powers, rather than embrace them. When he showed signs of these amazing abilities as an elfling, it scared his parents and they spent much time convincing him to hide what he could do. It is uncommon for Sindarin elves to have talents such as these. His family did not desire to find out how to embrace his gifts, as they were an oddity to them—a source of fear. Thus, Heledhril has spent his entire life hiding his gifts, rather than using them for the good of others."
"However, powers of this nature are gifts from the Valar and are always given with purpose. Many times did I try to explain this to Heledhril after he reached his majority, but he did not listen. Many times did I try to convince him to work with me to refine his powers and learn to use them properly. He denied me every time though, instead choosing to ignore the powers that yearned to be set free and utilized. Because of this, he was ill-prepared for his task."
"His task, my lady?" Belegwen questioned, fully drawn into the story the lady was recanting.
"Do you remember the day you had Erthalion take his vow in front of the city?" Galadriel asked, looking at her once again as Belegwen nodded. "It was that day in which Heledhril was assigned a lofty task by the Valar themselves and his life was forever entwined with yours. Erthalion vowed to allow the Valar to deal with him as they pleased if he broke his vow. When he did that, Heledhril was assigned the task of enforcing their will. That is why he was struck with power upon the completion of the vow, just as Erthalion was." Galadriel explained.
"But you were too, were you not? What part were you assigned in this, my lady?" Belegwen questioned, absently rubbing Halendil's head as they spoke.
"My ring, Nenya, was also called to this task. I must admit, I was uncomfortable with the idea of parting with such treasure; one I had been called to keep safe for all of these long years. However, I am not one to question the will of the Valar. Having now seen what happened to Heledhril, I understand why they asked for me to give it to him."
At this point, Belegwen noticed that Galadriel was looking down at her hand and touching something on one of her fingers. Belegwen could not see the ring, but knew it was there, beneath her fingers as she spoke about it. "Heledhril did not have good enough control over his powers to complete the will of the Valar on his own. However, Nenya enhanced his powers and gave him the control he sorely lacked during your journey. It is what enabled him to save you multiple times. The cost to him, however, has been great."
Galadriel turned to her with sorrow in her eyes. She whispered, "The ring allowed him to wield its power, but even with all his talents, Heledhril was not strong enough to endure its prolonged usage. It has broken his spirit and he will soon be sent to the Grey Havens to sail."
Belegwen broke down and wept at this point, using her free hand to cover her eyes and keep her tears off Halendil. "He calls himself a murderer," she whispered painfully to the lady, "Why would they ask him to complete such a task, knowing it would break him? Knowing Erthalion was his friend?"
As she cried, she felt the lady's delicate hand come to rest lightly upon her shoulder. "Belegwen, it is not always our place to understand why the higher powers choose to do what they do. Rest assured that Heledhril will always be respected and commended for his actions in Lothlorien. To sacrifice one's life in protection of another is one of the purest, most unselfish acts an elf could ever aspire to; this is what Heledhril has done. His pure heart allowed him to gift you and your little one a chance at life after the battle. Heledhril did this because he took his duty seriously and because he wanted to. You are both his friend and mentor Belegwen. I imagine if you asked him, he would tell you he does not regret his actions."
Belegwen shook her head in dismay. "It should have never come to this though. The jealousy and anger Erthalion harbored towards me should have never escalated so far out of control." She said, looking down at the ground remorsefully. "If I had just sent him away, like Haldir wanted, none of this would have happened."
"Yet you chose to also protect others from Erthalion, putting yourself in harm's way to do so." Galadriel reminded her gently. "This was also a noble gesture. You are commendable in your actions too, as are most of our wardens. Perhaps you should take your own advice, that which you gave Linros on the journey home when he blamed himself for your peril."
Belegwen squeezed her eyes closed and let the lady's words wash over her. Galadriel was correct. Belegwen had given that advice to Linros, but like a hypocrite, struggled to take the same advice for herself. What had happened to Heledhril weighed down on her heavily, but really, the only one who was truly at fault for the incident was Erthalion.
After drawing in a heavy breath, Belegwen replied, "You are right of course, my lady. I will try to deal with my inner anguish and accept the truth of the situation, even though I find it displeasing."
"You would do well to Belegwen, as you have many new blessings to focus on, such as this little one." Galadriel said, indicating young Halendil, who was now stirring from his slumber. "May I hold him?"
"Of course my lady," Belegwen replied and gently handed her son into Galadriel's waiting arms. She listened to Halendil as he made a few small noises and started to squirm a bit in the lady's grasp. Galadriel simply smiled, drawing the elfling close to her face to inspect him.
After gazing at him in silence for several minutes, Galadriel softly said, "I sense he will be much like you and Haldir. He has the heart of a warrior, the commanding nature of his adar, and the inner strength of his naneth. Great things lie ahead for little Halendil Haldirion. Many great things."
Belegwen smiled at this. Her smile grew even larger though when she spotted Lord Celeborn walking down the pathway towards them, his white robes and silver hair lit up in the blazing orange light of the sunset.
"My dearest Belegwen!" He exclaimed as he came closer. When Belegwen stood up, he drew her into a tight embrace. "How wonderful it is to see you in the city once more!"
Belegwen smiled brightly and replied, "The feeling is mutual my lord."
"Is this little one I have heard so much about today?" He asked excited, eyeing Halendil with a look of joy in his eyes. "He has the whole city buzzing with excitement!"
"Yes, this is Halendil Haldirion." Belegwen said, introducing her son to the lord as he sat down beside Galadriel and leaned close to get a good look at him.
"Oh Belegwen, he is such a fine young ellon! I am certain Haldir will beam with pride when he awakens to meet this little one!"
Having been caught up in the moment, Belegwen had not realized she was discussing her son with the very person who had made the rule against her doing what she had done. Casting a suddenly nervous glance towards the elf who was like a second father to her, Belegwen quietly asked, "You are not mad at me? I have broken the warden's code. Have you not heard that you are to conduct a trial over this? The city council convened on the trip and-"
"Belegwen," Lord Celeborn interrupted, shaking his head calmly. "There is not going to be a trial over such a trivial matter. Yes, you and Haldir did break the warden's code, but that rule fulfilled its purpose long ago and has not been necessary for a long time now."
Her jaw dropped a bit as she stared at Lord Celeborn, astonished that he was being so cavalier about this serious topic. "What? But my lord…" Belegwen started, but then trailed off as she saw the humor in Celeborn's eyes while he looked at her solemnly.
"Belegwen, I know you have always strived to follow the rules in everything you have done in Lothlorien, so I am aware that you feel a consequence is necessary. Hear me out though… Do you know why the rule was put in place?" He asked her calmly.
"You did not want all the ellyn flirting with me while we were out on the border. You did not want any of us to be distracted with one another because it would have led to more evils penetrating our city." She said, shuddering as the memory of her dead family passed through her mind briefly.
"Yes, that was the biggest reason. Annondel felt certain that many of the younger, more irresponsible ellyn would not be able to resist flirting with a young elleth warden. If that had been the case, it could have left us vulnerable to many attacks. We put the rule into place to prevent that from happening and he punished those who broke it quite severely."
Belegwen nodded, remembering precisely how angry the old marchwarden had become when a couple of wardens had flirted with her on her first day. He had made an example out of them, scaring the other wardens so thoroughly that they did not have to deal with the problem again.
"You have not needed protection from such things for quite a while though, have you?" Lord Celeborn asked, though he already seemed to know the answer to his query.
"I also wanted to protect you from their improprieties on behalf of your adar, who would have also found such actions disrespectful and upsetting. You are no longer an elfling though, nor are you in need of my protections; you are both a full-grown elleth and a hardened warrior. You are respected by the wardens as their marchwarden and will probably never need to worry about inappropriate treatment such as that again."
"Furthermore," Celeborn continued, "Annondel and I made sure to word the warden's code to say that 'fraternization' and 'dalliances' were what was not allowed. I had hoped it was clear that you were still very much able to fall in love and have a serious relationship with an ellon of your choice."
"Really?" Belegwen asked with her eyebrows raised in shock. She then closed her eyes as she thought through how wrong her thinking had been for thousands of years. "I always thought… I thought I had to choose between being a warden and a wife. I did not realize I could have both." She said quietly as she continued to process this new revelation.
"That is probably my fault for not explaining it better Belegwen." He said in return, looking a bit upset with himself. "When you were younger, I had hoped you would quit being a warden and marry an ellon for your own safety, but I was also open to other possibilities. I'm afraid I did not do a good job of conveying them though." He admitted lowly.
The three then sat in silence for a little while, the only sounds coming from little Halendil, who was just starting to try and verbalize sounds. Eventually the silence was interrupted by Lord Celeborn, who chuckled to himself a bit and said, "I always thought Haldir would come and ask for permission to court you or marry you. Annondel and I both knew he loved you dearly, but I had long given up on the hope of this happening. It pleases me greatly to find out the two of you wed."
Belegwen looked between the two leaders of Lothlorien slowly, analyzing the looks on their faces before asking another question that had long lingered in her mind. "Are we indeed married? I was not sure because we did not take vows together as the elves of Lothlorien traditionally do."
"Though many elves, especially those of the third age, choose to take their vows before Eru Iluvatar, it has never been necessary to do so to wed." Galadriel chimed in. "In the previous ages, it was not uncommon for elves to wed by choosing one another as mates in their hearts and uniting their bodies, as you and Haldir have."
"My hervess speaks truly—there is a full marriage between you and Haldir now. You could not have agreed to bring an elfling into the world without loving one another fully." Celeborn explained as Galadriel handed Halendil to him very carefully. Belegwen smiled largely as the meaning of their words sank in.
"Our marriage is true then, even without the rings and vows…" She murmured, more to herself than to the others. "We are truly hervenn and hervess."
"Yes." Both Galadriel and Celeborn spoke in unison, confirming her thoughts.
"And we were married when we kissed in the forest, so it would not be a breach of the warden's code after all?" She questioned curiously.
"Yes." They both replied together.
"Now you understand fully, my dear, and it makes me glad. I was also glad to see the regard the other wardens now hold for you. Did you know that I have had more than 50 visitors today, each one coming to tell me that they did not think your trial was fair? Wardens have been popping into my office all day to tell me they want you to continue serving as a marchwarden of Lorien." Celeborn said, his eyes glistening with joy as he looked between her and little Halendil, who was gripping his pointer finger tightly as he cooed.
"Really? They have done that for me?" Belegwen asked, astonished. Just when she felt her heart could not be any more full, she nearly felt time stop around her as this new piece of information penetrated her protective walls, deeply affecting her very soul.
The lord and lady both smiled and nodded in response, watching as numerous emotions passed over Belegwen's face in response to the news. Belegwen felt overwhelmed by the devotion the soldiers had shown her over and over again during the last few months. "I cannot believe they have done such things for me." She whispered, wiping at her eyes to try and prevent the moisture that had gathered there from falling.
"Is it so hard to believe that others would care for you and want the best for you?" Lord Celeborn asked, reaching out to Belegwen and taking her hand in his own. He squeezed it as he watched her, analyzing her every feeling. She nodded, saying nothing in return, but enjoying the small measure of comfort her lord was offering.
"Much growth has occurred in the Galadhrim as of late." Galadriel murmured, her voice sounding ethereal and all-knowing. "The wardens have grown to accept you as you are, just like Haldir did all those years ago."
"Gone is the shy elleth who let the wardens say and do as they pleased because she feared losing her warden status. My darling Belegwen, you have grown into your title! I see a formidable marchwarden standing before me now." Celeborn said, squeezing her hand once more. "If only your adar could see you now. How proud he would be of all that you have become."
Smiling and looking up at the sky with hope in her eyes, Belegwen remembered what her adar had said to her when she had faded at Helm's Deep.
"Ada, will I ever live up to your name?" She asked faintly.
"Worry not, my darling Belegwen," his voice reassured her, "You already have."
Clinging to the words of her adar, as well as lord and lady's reassurances, Belegwen acknowledged that her heart was very full indeed.
ooOoo
I am in the final stages of planning the story now. If everything goes according to plan, I should finish with 58 chapters. I'm both excited to finish and also sad that it's coming to an end soon. This thing has been 18 years in the making and it will feel odd to have it completed; I cannot believe I am about to finish such a long story! For me, this is huge. Before I started working on this in May, finishing it seemed impossible, but now it seems very real to me!
One thing that might help me at this point in the writing process is if you indicate any questions that I have still left unanswered in the story. There are still a couple of things I know I need to address before the end, but if I know what you are still wondering about, I can make sure I tie up any loose ends I may have forgotten.
Please let me know what you think of the chapter. I'd love to hear from you!
-P.G.