~ How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse ~

Goddammit, Kikyo! / Treating Injuries 101

It's peaceful at first.

The campfire is crackling with heat, the passing shower from ten minutes ago leaving us feeling refreshed. The nearby stream sounds soft, the contained water pattering into a puddle at the end.

And then…

"NO!"

My face is getting red with frustration. I'm walking back and forth, a sign that means 'I'm really fucking irritated and I swear to God if you make me any more angry I will rip your face off'. Apparently, Inuyasha notices because he's snickering.

Kikyo is staring up at me, completely bewildered. She just… she doesn't get it, does she?

"How do you not know how to - oh my God…"

Inuyasha' snickering turns into chuckles as he struggles to get his laughter under control. Seeing this, Sango and Miroku begin snorting as well.

I ignore them, pacing for a few seconds more before turning back to her. "Listen, you have to try harder, alright? What happens when we all die from the zombies and you're left on your own?"

"I'll go to Daddy's house and live there instead," she replies. Next to her, Ayame nods in agreement.

I slap a hand to my forehead. "You… you can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because!"

"Because why?"

Oh my God, it's like teaching a five-year-old that "i before e except after c" rule! Shit! And I thought they were stupid enough!

"Because!" My arms are flailing around helplessly. "You just can't! Your house is so far away and you don't know if it's infested with zombies!"

"But it's not," Kikyo states sourly. "We have the highest security-"

I don't give a shit about your fucking security!

"Goddammit, Kikyo! You can't!" I snap, my words cutting cleanly across hers. I have finally lost my already shortened patience. "Do you have a death wish or something?"

Kikyo's mouth closes reluctantly.

"That's what I thought. Now, look. Putting batteries into a watch isn't so hard-"

"Maybe not for you, since you obviously take the time to practice because of your nonexistent social life!"

Ayame starts laughing, and high-fives the rich girl.

Said rich girl is smirking.

Everyone's jaws drop before snapping shut and turning away. They know that pushing my buttons is not a good idea.

If Kikyo didn't have a death wish before, she sure has one now. My eye twitches and I try not to explode right then and there.

Because everyone knows how to put batteries into a fucking watch! What the hell!

Whether or not you have a social life has absolutely nothing to do with it!

"Yeah," I sneer. "My nonexistent social life. Just like your nonexistent boyfriend."

I'm obviously referring to Inuyasha, and everyone except Inuyasha picks up on it.

Kikyo's face flushes a bright red.

"And at least I know how to protect myself at times like these," I say, turning away. "You're lucky we're not assholes and didn't leave you there to die."

Though now I wish we did, I'm thinking to myself much, much later, after the sun has long set, watching Inuyasha frantically try to release his arm from the iron grip Kikyo was holding him in. Even from here, I can see her slowly tightening her hold on him.

"Please, Inu-kins? Please, please please give me a date after all this?" she begged, batting her eyelashes at him.

I think it was supposed to look cute? But it just ended up looking like someone - preferably me - threw a handful of sand in her face.

I shake my head. "Sorry, sugar," I say, not sounding sorry at all. "Now is not the time to be scheduling dates."

Kikyo glares at me. "I think Inuyasha should answer for himself."

I give her a strange look, while Inuyasha responds gruffly, "You think I'm looking for dates at a time like this? Are you stupid?"

And then there's a deep groan.

Everyone (except the two new additions to the group) immediately jumps up, instinctively grabbing at their weapons. We wait for the zombie to appear.

The right ear on Inuyasha's head suddenly flicks toward me, and my grip tightens around my sword.

There's a growl, and someone's hands begin clumsily clawing at my shirt.

I whip around and slash at the zombie, aiming for its head and killing it instantly.

Or so I thought.

Suddenly it twitches, and its mouth latches onto my foot. I can feel its teeth tightening around my flesh, and I begin to panic. There's a shout, and I'm screaming, trying to shake the creature off my leg.

"Kagome!"

Arms flailing wildly, I smash my sword into the zombie's head, stilling its movements.

"Dammit!"

Inuyasha probably thought I had gotten bitten, because he throws the zombie away from our campfire and takes me into his arms.

"Kagome," he whispers. In the corner of my eye, I can see Kikyo pouting, and I stifle a giggle.

"I'm fine," I reply, shaking him off a little, but his grip only tightens.

"Kagome, this is serious! You could have gotten bitten!"

He knows I wasn't bitten. So then why is he making such a big deal out of it?

I blush a little, but then start inwardly scolding myself. Not the time to be acting like a schoolgirl, Kagome!

"I'm okay! I was careless!"

Inuyasha looks pained for a minute before releasing me. He places a swift kiss on my cheek, not going unnoticed by the members of our group.

My cheeks redden again, probably more than they should.

"Be careful, dumbass," he says firmly, scowling at me. I can see Kikyo smirking at me, obviously because she thinks Inuyasha is now mad at me.

If she had known Inuyasha as long as I have, she'd know that his actions were affectionate over anything else.

I worried him, that's all.

I smile up at him reassuringly, and his eyes soften a bit before he turns away completely and returns to his seat by the campfire.

"Kagome, are you okay?" Sango asks me, worry evident in her gaze. Miroku turns to look at me expectantly, too, and my cheeks flush once more from all the attention.

"I'm fine, I promise," I say, smiling at my friends.

They nod, albeit a bit hesitantly, before they, too, turn back to the campfire.

Scene Change

"Here."

Inuyasha reluctantly hands Kikyo the matchbox, teaching her how to light a match because she asked him to.

More like begged, I think bitterly to myself.

The girl had practically snuggled herself up right next to him not a few minutes ago, requesting that he teach her how to light a match after breakfast.

When he agreed, she refused to let go of his arm the entire time.

Little witch.

I glare at her from my spot across the campfire.

Hey, it's not that I like Inuyasha or anything. It's just that he's my best friend, and Kikyo has obviously taken a liking to him.

He can date anyone he wants.

Just not Kikyo.

Inuyasha glances up at me and catches my cold stare towards the woman attached to his arm like a leech, and he smirks.

"Jealous?" he mouths toward me, and I blush slightly before shaking my head violently and turning away.

Like I said - I don't like him. I don't.

We're just best friends. And we have more of a brother-sister relationship.

Though I wish it was more than that.

What?

"Ow! Goddammit, Kikyo!"

Startled, I'm jolted from my daydreaming as Inuyasha shakes his hand, his thick eyebrows creased in pain and his mouth in a grimace.

"I'm so sorry, Inu-kins!" Kikyo cries out, dropping the lit match and matchbox, and finally letting go of Inuyasha's arm - to both mine and his relief, it looks like - only to grab his hand instead.

I rush from my spot to grab the match and blow it out so it doesn't cause the entire matchbox to catch fire as well. Stupid Kikyo, dropping it like that! We should probably learn how to start a fire with sticks only. After all, we're bound to run out of matches eventually.

Inuyasha rolls his eyes and blows at his bangs irritably. "Let go, Kikyo. It's just a burn."

"But it looks so sore!"

"It's fine." Rolling a pair of beautiful amber eyes for the last time and yanking his hand away, Inuyasha stands up, turns to me, and offers me his arm.

"So what should I do, doctor?"

I smile; Kikyo scowls.

He refers to me as doctor because I've always wanted to follow in my mother's footsteps and become a physician.

As for my father?

Dad was a scientist.

As a kid, I would always accompany them to work since their parents either lived too far away or were too busy to take care of me. I'd go to Mom's clinic after dropping Dad off at his lab.

I never was allowed to go to work with Dad. I never saw his desk either, not even after he died. I never even knew what kind of work he specialized in.

Mom's clinic was kid-friendly and super nice, so I was allowed to help out when I got older, even getting paid at some point.

I guess you could consider it an internship, but not really. An intern doesn't get paid, but you know what I mean.

Well, anyway, because of working, I was able to learn a thing or two about the human body, injuries, and the proper way to treat them.

"The Do's and Don'ts of treating wounds", if you will.

I gently touch Inuyasha's hand and pull back as he winces. Flipping his arm over so that the entirety of the wound is exposed, I inspect it.

Luckily, Kikyo didn't fuck up too bad, so I'm able to classify his injury as a mild burn. But burns are burns, and they're really fucking painful.

"Do you want gauze?"

He shakes his head.

"Alright. I took some Advil from the health room, so you can take it to ease the pain.. For now, just soak your arm in the stream."

He nods, and we're about to make our way there, before a bitter voice stops us in our tracks.

"I thought you said we couldn't travel alone, doctor," Kikyo spits at me. "You want him to die? Is that it?"

Ayame whacks Kikyo's shoulder, but Kikyo doesn't care, and it's too late. The words have already been said.

Everyone turns to her and sends her an equally bewildered look.

"Are you stupid?" I snarl, epically pissed off. And who wouldn't be? After being accused of wanting to kill off your best friend?

And, okay, maybe crush.

"You bitch!" Sango seethes. "Kagome is not like that!"

"Inuyasha and Kagome are best friends, have been for years," Miroku pipes up. "They've probably known each other for longer than you've been alive."

It's a joke, obviously, to break the tension, but no one laughs. In fact, I'm not sure Miroku was trying to be funny - he was simply making a point. Kikyo's eyes only narrow further, showing her obvious unhappiness about us being best friends.

Inuyasha crosses his arms, glaring at Kikyo.

"Say that again," he growls at her, "and I'll cut your fucking tongue out."

Kikyo's eyes well up with fake tears and her bottom lip trembles a little too much.

Phony.

Inuyasha is the first to turn away, and he starts walking towards the stream, following his keen sense of hearing. I quickly follow after swiping the bottle of ibuprofen from my bag.

Scene Change

"Jesus fucking Christ," Inuyasha snarls. "That girl is such a pain in the ass."

"I hate her, too," I reply. "She has no respect for anyone. She thinks she's all that and a bag of chips. Pitiful."

"Ayame as well," he adds. "She just follows Kikyo around like a little puppy-" he shoots me a glare when I send him a smirk - "and it's almost as if she doesn't have any of her own opinions."

"Yep. Just agrees with every little thing that comes out of Kikyo's mouth."

He nods.

"Actually," I admit, "I think, underneath the whole mask thing, she's actually quite humble and smart. She just chooses not to speak up. I think she's afraid of Kikyo or something."

We share a look, and I know that we are both remembering when Ayame whacked Kikyo's shoulder after she insulted me (again).

"Whatever," Inuyasha grumbles. "It's not as if she stuck up for you or anything. Honestly."

I roll my eyes. "It wasn't that big of a deal. I've dealt with bigger and better things than Kikyo, anyway. And a timid follower never hurt anyone."

He shrugs, and after removing his arm from the stream, wipes his arm on his shirt, mindful of his burn.

"Any ice?"

I shake my head. "Don't put ice on a burn."

He looks confused. "But I thought that helped?"

"Contrary to popular belief, no, it doesn't," I tell him. "I mean, yeah, the ice will ease the initial pain but it'll slow the healing process and will damage the - who even gives a shit, just don't put ice on your burn, okay?"

Inuyasha smirks at me and nods.

I soak a cloth I had brought along with me with river water and instruct that he keep the cloth over his burn.

Before we begin walking back to camp, I pull out the bottle I brought and give him some Advil (two of them), which he takes without effort.

Scene Change

"NO! GODDAMMIT, KIKYO!"

We walk back to camp to find Sango screeching.

At the sound of her scream, Kikyo flinches and throws the slightly burning stick into the air, and it falls on Miroku's head.

Miroku opens his mouth in a silent scream before frantically brushing the stick off his head.

The small amount of burning stick had intensified when it made contact with his head. His hair is now on fire.

Miroku's hair is on fire.

"NOOOOO!" he cries, runs around and flails his arms in the air dramatically before falling to the ground.

Everyone's laughing so hard we can't breathe.

Except for Kikyo.

She just looks confused as to why everyone's laughing while someone's hair is on fire. Obviously, she doesn't have our sense of humor.

Not that I mind much.

"Ha! Haha!" To try to fit in, Kikyo's forcing out some laughter. It just makes us laugh harder at her pathetic attempt to seem cool, and by this time, Inuyasha and I are rolling around on the ground.

Cause and effect, kids.

Inuyasha and I collide into each other while rolling around, and our heads come forward and bang into each other.

"Sonofabitch!"

Inuyasha and I sit up, holding our throbbing heads, and starting laughing all over again after seeing each other's horrified faces.

We both lean forward, and I find our heads on each other's shoulders. We're still laughing.

Kikyo frowns at our close proximity, but neither Inuyasha nor I comment on it - we're too busy laughing.

Sango and Miroku are just about dead. Sango's face is redder than Inuyasha's shirt, and she's practically wheezing with laughter. Miroku has long extinguished the fire on his head and is now laughing with Sango, his singed hair barely noticeable in the midst of the billions of midnight black strands of hair on his head.

We keep laughing.

Miroku is never going to be able to live this down.

a/n: haha, i can actually see this happening! poor Miroku.

oh, also - about the whole no-ice-on-a-burn thing, it's true. yes, putting ice on your burn will ease the initial pain, but it will slow the healing process and can (and probably will) cause frostbite and damage the skin, thereby worsening the burn.

don't put petroleum jelly or Vaseline on a burn either, because those will seal in the burn and will, in a nutshell, also worsen the injury. you can do some research to find better results, like what was featured in this fic.

thanks so much for reading, and please review! ^^

じゃね,

shadow